Q&As

First update -

This one is quick and for the people who wanted me to verify that I am okay <3

I genuinely don’t know what to say about the amount of support I got. Thank you so so so very much.

August 7th I posted my update, and I mentioned having Braxton hicks for the first time. I was urged to go to the hospital. I originally wasn’t going to but thank goodness that I did because by the time I walked in the door, I was bleeding so heavily it was down my legs.

Turns out I had a placental abruption. August 7th at 10:37 PM, my daughter was born via emergency c section. She is now only less than a old as I post this but I am being forced to deal with an attorney and all of this already.

She was only 33 weeks and 5 days when she was born. She is tiny, but still doing relatively well so they tell me. She is in the NICU now and I am in the hospital still as well. I have received lots of care and while it is all scary and hard, seeing my daughter makes it better. I’m fine, I will be fine, and so will she. The nurses here are amazing and the doctor told me as long as everything goes well, I get to take my daughter home in just a few weeks <3

As for my situation, my SIL came shortly after my daughter was born and she’s been by my side all day and very supportive. The attorney advised us to allow my husband visitation with my daughter while she is still in the NICU, so I did. I do not have a concern of him hurting our daughter while in the hospital or anything like that. I have received lots of supportive messages from his coworkers and his side of the family so I am sure he is spinning the story that we are together and everything is fine. He is trying to act like that too.

He’s seen our daughter several times today and I think that he was in the hospital with me during the c section but I am honestly not sure. He came up to my room this morning while the nurses were helping me take that first walk after the c section. I was just emotional enough to let him in. I have to be honest and say it wasn’t easy to try and hate him after all of this. I still let him comfort me and I still cried to him. But at the end when he said “you wouldn’t have had to do this alone if you weren’t acting that way” and grabbed my face to make me kiss him, it reminded me of why exactly I am doing this.

So yeah, I am not so sure what I am going to do. Originally I really wanted to have my daughter in my home state so that I could stay there with her and my SIL and brother but I highly doubt my husband will allow me to take her there. My attorney says I have options (and the options are heavily in my favor, as I did what you all suggested and got the medical records of the rapes, including the one I posted about and two more I went to the hospital for over the years, as well as in writing my dr saying that my placental abruption was likely caused by trauma and stress) for custody and stuff like that but likely only here where we currently live.

Honestly, that’s okay. Being able to briefly hold my baby and seeing her and loving her so much has replaced much else in my mind. I want to be safe but I want her safe most of all. I won’t do anything to put her in the situation I was in. She is only 16 hours old and she is all I think about, and will ever think about for the rest of my life.

I probably won’t update again (as I am hoping they will let me spend more time with my daughter soon) but I just wanted to say that this whole post literally changed my life, and I cannot say thank you enough. If anyone else finds themselves in this sort of situation, I wanna say do not be scared to speak up. And if anyone has survived it, you’re so brave. Thank you <3

Original

I broke up with her.

I told her that I need to see her phone if she even wants me to consider staying with her.

I dug through her texts and messages. I found out that she messaged Bob about missing him... about a year ago. Bob asked to meet up after talking about all the sex they used to have, and my gf only turned him down because I had moved in with at that point. Her messaged was

"Wish I could but "my name" moved in, let you know if I get a chance though"

I'm done. I packed my stuff, and I'm moving in with my parents. My gf apologized for those messages and insists nothing actually happened.

Yeah, sure, only cuz you couldn't.

Thanks for all the support btw.

Also, I sweat to god, some of you all could catch your s.o. butt naked with another person, but as long as you didn't actually see them fuck, you'd be all like "Well, there's no evidence they actually fucked, so they clearly didn't cheat"

I F(43) am celebrating my birthday today. My kids and husband M(39) stayed home to have lunch and celebrate. We have been married for almost 20 years and is safe to say he knows well what I like and don't like.

While preparing breakfast, my husband went to get coffee and returned home with a small cake to sing Happy Birthday. When he pulled out the cake from the package, it was a chocolate German cake, his favorite, from a local pastry shop he had been craving to try for months. He also pulls out a small container with a slice of cheesecake, my favorite. He proudly announced he bought the cake as it was the only one available, and that he wanted to buy a whole cheesecake but they only had portions. So he thought it best to buy the entire one and bring me the slice since is the one I liked.

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the gesture, the cake is for everyone to eat, but my face probably changed and he started asking me if I didn't like it. I told him I loved it as best I could, but couldn't help my eyes getting watery and tears streaming down after that. He started making faces and getting annoyed. I told him in front of my kids 15 and 12, that I didn't want him to feel like I was being ungrateful, however, I couldn't help to feel bad as it was his favorite cake and pastry shop, not something I liked. And not because I didn't like the flavor of the cake, is just the lack of thought behind the action. I think I wouldn't have felt as bad or reacted that way if he hadn't bought the cheesecake slice to confirm that is in fact what I like and he knows it.

AITA?

My wife and I finally bought our first house after 10+ years in an apartment.  I hosted a housewarming BBQ for friends and family.  My wife is 5 months pregnant so we weren't about to have a rager. She wants to not be pregnant when we host one of those.  For this party though, we told everyone that this would be a family friendly party.  All ages were welcome.

The day of the BBQ, our guests started showing up. For a bit, I was running around with my head cut off and so it took me a while to actually greet everyone.  During this time, my wife came and got me and told me that my buddy Dave brought their dog.  My wife does not like dogs.

  
I go to Dave and his wife, greet them and then I ask why he brought his dog.  He cited the family friendly party and the dog is literally his family. I was told by my wife I just stared at him for a good 10 seconds.  I was processing what he said because I found it a bit crazy. 

 I told him what I meant by family, was to bring your human family. I told him it was incredibly rude to assume my house and yard was pet friendly.   So I told him to take the dog home and come back.  He got pissed at me and told me that I needed to specify that some family members were excluded.   I called him crazy for thinking that. He said it was a shame that I was being an asshole because my backyard is great for a dog.  He left and didn't come back. 

My friends told me it was unnecessary to kick him out.  I didn't kick him out, i kicked the dog out.  They said the dog is super friendly and well trained and wasn't bothering anyone.  I told everyone I don't care if its the best dog in the world, its not welcome.  AITA?

His ex was always “the one who got away” according to everyone around him. He ended things because he didn’t see a future with her but everyone around him was shocked because she’s so good and beautiful. Then we met and I soon understood that everyone from his side preferred her. I even heard some call me the Camilla, although I am neither much older nor less attractive (in my opinion, I love how I look even if I don’t tick all of the beauty boxes like tall, blonde, blue eyes etc like his ex). He never given me any reason to doubt him however. He gave me the impression that he knew exactly what he wanted. Was secure enough in his heart that he told me he loved me a few months into our relationship and I never felt like he was lying or that I wasn’t enough. He is fully aware of what people think about him leaving his ex and he gave the impression that he thought they were silly and childish. He told his mom that I am who he chosen and if she wanted a part of it, she needed to clean up her act.

We got married 3 years ago and only now I found out that he went on a date with his ex, a few days before our wedding. He wanted to know for sure that she wasn’t like everyone around him thought, the one who got away. He wanted to make 100% sure. His mom told me gleefully when she visited our new baby and she looked at my daughter and said she wondered what would have happened if he changed his mind after that date and she was visiting their baby now. My husband and the one who got away’s. With a sigh but gleefully. You know what I mean. I haven’t spoken to him for a week and I hate silent treatment but I just can’t talk to him. It isn’t something I am doing to punish him. Or manipulate him. Or get the upper hand and control him. I just can’t look at him or talk to him.

AITAH for this silent treatment?

Edit: He was there when it happened. He told his mom to shut up. Then he admitted he went on the date and admitted the reason his mom told me was the truth

My husband cheated on me with his colleague when he was drunk. A colleague I told him to be careful around and he said not to worry. Then he blamed the alcohol. About the birth, he has understood that he can’t be with me in the delivery room anymore due to me still heartbroken and devastated by the news. I feel anxiety and I have to concentrate on my and our child’s wellbeing and having him there would just be too painful.

But then after the birth. He is devastated that I would be moving back to my dad’s and he can’t see her all the time. I offered that he could visit every day to see her development but I will be breastfeeding. He asked me if I could give him a bottle and she could live with him every other night so she would get used to him and his smell too and I literally freaked out and started hyperventilating by the thought of not being with her all the time in her first year.

Nothing is fair and I know I am being selfish. He is selfish too for cheating but imagine not being with your baby. I can’t imagine so I understand it is hard for him too. AITAH?

My stepmom suggested we moved back together during the first year and live like roommates. Cheaper and both can be with our baby. I hate this idea but I know we need some compromises.

Sorry for my English. This is the first time writing in English. We don’t have a good community on Reddit for my country besides I want to stay anonymous.

My (27F) husband (30M) and I have been married for three years, and we’re pretty happy with our life right now. We both work full-time, have a small but cozy apartment, and enjoy spending our weekends relaxing or going on little mystery adventures together. Ones where you pay a fee and get envelopes full of addresses and the company books everything for you. They're really fun and inexpensive, and we try to do at least 3 a year as a couple.

The problem is with my sister-in-law, “Anna” (34F). Anna has three kids (8, 6, and 3), and she’s been struggling a lot since her husband left her last year. I feel for her, I really do, and I’ve tried to help out where I can. However, Anna has recently started asking me to babysit her kids almost every other day and every weekend for free.

At first, I agreed because I knew she needed a break. But it’s gotten to the point where she’s expecting me to drop everything and be available whenever she needs me. Last weekend, my husband and I had plans to go on a short mystery trip to celebrate our anniversary. It was a long weekend, and we took Friday off of work as well. When Anna found out, she called me up in tears, saying she desperately needed me to watch the kids because she had “no one else.”

I felt terrible, but I told her we had already made plans and couldn’t cancel. She got really upset and accused me of being selfish and not caring about family. She even tried to guilt-trip my husband into making me stay behind, but he stood by me and said he was excited to go on the getaway.

Now, Anna isn’t speaking to me, and my MIL called to tell me how disappointed she is that I’m not helping Anna more. My husband is supportive, but I’m starting to feel guilty. I don’t want to abandon Anna in her time of need, but I also don’t think it’s fair for her to expect me to give up all my free time. AITA?

ETA: I’m reading some of your comments and I do agree saying no goggles is definitely excessive, I’m honestly more set on no floaties Both her grandparents and swim instructor have chlorine free pools

ETA: in commenting about the goggles again so I’m not constantly repeating myself, the goggles were a slight issue for me because her instructor discourages them for children learning to swim so that they are not afraid to open their eyes in water and see where they’re going. This is a class that is made to stress safety and not stress competitive sports

My (24F) daughter (4F) goes to her grandparents house everyday that she’s with her dad so they can watch her to babysit while her dad works

They put arm floaties and goggles on her when she gets in the pool and watch her from outside the pool.

I told them to stop putting them on her, because she is in swim classes and it causes delays and regressions in her skills and causes her to swim with unnatural skills. They told me it’s okay, it’s safer and they feel more comfortable having her in the pool that way.

I told them I take her to swim every week, and I see her regressing and struggling to be comfortable in the pool now without floaties or goggles when she normally is a very strong swimmer for her age and I’m not really asking. Her swimming instructor also agreed that using these can cause a regression in her swimming skills.

She said they don’t get in the pool and reiterated they feel more comfortable when she has these things with her, I said they should be in the pool with her regardless and either they can do that or I’d prefer her not to be in their pool unless she can be free in the pool with no goggles or floaties and she’ll have to wait until I or her father can be in the pool with her.

They said I’m being unreasonable and that they will put her in the pool and I’m being unfair and they’re just trying to be safe. I said they’re going to cause safety issues in the long run if she finds herself in a position where she falls in a pool or something similar and can’t get herself out because her skills have regressed. They’re calling me over dramatic, and her father is getting mad at me as well. AITA?

*ETA: corrected my first sentence that says she goes there to babysit lol

Just scrolled past a few environmental reports stating that we need to plant trillions of trees to help combat climate change. Yet we have increasing sprawl and urban areas. Why don’t we put more plant material on the top of buildings - some degree of irrigation should be easy since there’s plumbing present.

I love seeing the various solar panels used as shade for parking lots. Helps for energy, not for O2 - and I would like to see that co2 captured.

I (30F) met a man (31M) on a dating app he told me he was separated from his wife who was already in a new relationship and he was looking to date as well. We were hooking up and got very close very quick then about 5 months in I got pregnant (I was in BC idk what happened) I decided it was too early for a child in the relationship and got an abortion. That was a month ago and things were going great between us till last night where he told me he was getting back with her and he was actually hooking up with her the entire time. (yes I know I was stupid to even believe him in the first place but there were no signs at all) He told here we were dating and now her friends somehow got my info and are telling me I was lied to the whole time. AITH for wanting to tell his wife he got me pregnant? He’s begging me not to and offering to pay my 1k to keep my mouth shut but I feel like she should know. What should I do?

EDIT: I did let my cousin choose something we both liked. I (F25) took my cousin (F6) and my kids (M4 & F6) to the beach this past weekend. I offered to take my cousin because she's around the same age as my kids and they get along great, so I thought it would be fun. While we were there, we went out to eat. My cousin is extremely picky and anytime I buy her food while we're out or cook anything, she takes a few bites and throws the rest away. I told her I was not buying her any food and that her and I could share something and she could have as much of it as she'd like. Well she didn't like that because I got my kids their own meals (which they ate all of). We ended up sharing anyways and she like I thought, she took a few bites and then said she was full.Thwe rest of the day was fine. Well flash foward to after I drop her back home. I get a text from my aunt asking why I didn't buy her, her own meal and that my cousin is telling her we shared while my kids didn't. I explained the situation to her and she told me I could've packed her food up to go if she didn't eat it. But I don't see the issue seeing as she did exactly what I thought she would do and she also had other food throughout the day that we packed such as snacks and sandwhiches. So aita ?

I keep seeing statements about tampons every where. Here’s a Reddit post where there’s a screenshot attacking someone with a tampon comment.

24F at getting married next spring. My best friend from childhood is one of my bridesmaids. She is 22. We’ve always been close even though we aren’t very alike. She’s always been sheltered and is pretty religious. About 5 months ago she got her first real boyfriend. She is very into him and believes they will get married. They might actually because he’s also pretty religious and sheltered. I know for a fact that their first time having sex was with eachother.

You know how the bridal parties enter the ceremony 2 by 2 and then have introductions during the reception? Here’s the issue: my best friend told me that she thinks it’s disrespectful of her and me as well if she walks down the aisle or enters the reception with a groomsman (or “another man” as she puts it). She thinks that it would be respectful of her relationship if her boyfriend walks with her for these 2 parts. To be clear, she is NOT suggesting her boyfriend be in the wedding party. She just wants to walk down with him then he will go sit in his normal spot. I think this is a weird request and I would like to say no. It would just make thing look awkward. I don’t think she would decline to be a part if I say no but she will be upset and say I’m not respecting her relationship.

Before yall say maybe it’s him putting her up to it, I don’t think so. This is so something I can see coming from her but idk maybe it is him.