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Please give me a pat on the back, for not changing my ideology. I would never vote for Trump and my opinion hasn’t changed since the shooting. I just want to publicly announce, I am still a leftist for Internet karma, from like-minded individuals!

Recently I was hanging out with my friends playing some board games. We like hanging out but it's a bit of a chore getting everyone together since we live all over the place. Then someone mentioned "wouldn't it be nice if we just all bought houses next to one another so we could hang out every day?" and multiple people chimed in that they have had this exact thought in the past.

But with the reality that homes cost 1-2 million dollars where we live (hello Greater Vancouver Area!) even in the boonies, we wouldn't ever be able to do that.

It's such a pity. With our generation really having a lot of diverse, niche hobbies and wanting to connect with people that share our passions, boy could we have some fun if houses were affordable enough you could just easily get together and buy up a nice culdesac to be able to hang out with your buddies on the regular doing some nerdy stuff like board game nights, a small area LAN parties or what have you...

With the housing being so expensive our generation has been robbed from being able to indulge in such whimsy...

EDIT:

I don't mean "it would be nice to hang out all day and not have to work", more like "it would be nice to live close to your friends so you could visit them after work easier".

I'm from the EU and as an outsider it's obvious to me that Republicans in the US are the crazy ones. They've been cozying up to the far-right since Trump took office, and haven't heard one push back on the calls for violence from the far-right. Especially since the pathetic failed coup attempt on J6 I keep hearing about a "civil war" or "race war" from the far-right and Republicans just shut up and let it be. Well, now they're reaping what they saw but it's not the violence they were expecting since it's coming from inside the house. "The revolution will be bloodless..." didn't take into acount their own people who they've been proping up to violence for some time now. Funny how that works huh?

Edit: word

Maybe it's the fact that 40 is approaching, or the fact that I'm just TIRED with work and kids, but there is much I used to really care about that I just no longer do. What are some of yours? Mine are:

1. Sadly, how I look. In my teens and early 20s, I would plan my outfits in advance, down to the accessories, and wake up early each day for hair and makeup. It's probably the combination of getting older, COVID, and no longer going into an office, but I could care less. I roll up to Target now in sweats and no makeup all the time. It's a rare occasion when I actually do outfit/hair/makeup (probably 3-4 times per year).

2. Signifiers of money/status. I used to think I would go buy a Louis Vuitton Speedy and a nice car the second I could afford it. In the early 2000s, logos and consumption were everything. Despite having some money, I typically wear cheap athletic bags/tennis shoes and basic/logo-less clothing. I drive older, base-model vehicles and I could care less. I like the fact that you can't tell what I have or don't have by looking at me AT ALL.

3. Social media. I used to be addicted to MySpace and Facebook. Everything I did was posted there, and I was constantly scrolling through people's profiles. Now, I've abandoned all social media completely and I haven't posted anything in years. I have been enjoying the privacy and I've realized that most of these people are no longer friends, but acquaintances (if that).

4. Going out. If it's loud, expensive, crowded and I have to wear a bra, no thank you. I used to dream of the days when I could dress up and go out, living my "big city" fantasy. Turns out, I hate drinking, everything is now $100 plus, I hate dressing up and I'm tired and over-stimulated immediately. If it's your birthday and you really want to go, I'll do it for you, but I won't ever volunteer for it on my own.

5. Fantasy, big city apartment. I grew up in a rural area and always thought I wanted to live in a box in the sky. Turns out, you can't take the country out of me. I live outside a suburban area in a more rural setting, have a garden and a pond, and I'm getting chickens next spring! Couldn't be more thrilled.

Thank you to everyone for their advice on the original post and also giving us the push we needed to be firm with our boundaries. I wanted to clarify some questions I saw in the original post before going into the update.

Firstly my husband was the one leading the conversation with his family. We created the post together so the wording was ambiguous. I was there for support, but not the one managing the conversation.

Second, a few people were asking how we even got to the point of Beca and John just coming along (there is more in the update), but originally it was only supposed to be 3 family members for the visit so we had everything planned for them already. The day I made the post it was mentioned that Beca and John were coming to. To which we said no. Point blank. But 1 family member in particular did not like that and started to cause trouble.

The court settlement happened within the last 5 years. The dates of the grooming occurred as late as 1990 (we have since found out)

Onto the update!

So after making the post my husband and I sat down and made a plan to approach the conversation with his family. Coincidentally we were seeing them in person a couple days after making the post.

My husband wanted to wait till after dinner to start the conversation and pull his mother aside initially. But his grandparent was also there and kept getting in the way and bringing up how Beca and John are so excited to see the house and have dinner etc…. So my husband ended up snapping and ripped off the band aid in front of everyone. He first started with the fact that he had something he wanted to say to them- to which everyone jumped the gun assuming it was a pregnancy announcement and began to get excited until they heard my husband say “John is not welcome in our home”. The room went from excited to silent in a split second. My husband continued “due to John’s history I cannot allow him into my home where me and my wife will one day begin our family. I want our home to be a safe place. I understand you have chosen to continue a relationship with John because of Beca, which is your business and we respect that, and while I love Aunt Beca and she is welcome into our home, John will not step foot in our house.”

That is when the table went from silent to an eruption. As we suspected and as many commenters suspected: my in laws believed only what Beca and John told them. They did not look into anything further.

I am going to omit some specifics on the next bit of the conversation to protect the victims privacy. Essentially the family said it was lies, me too movement ruined his life, the victim was a liar and went after him for money. Anything you can think of they said it.

To which we had ready the reports and deposition from the court document’s ready and read out specific things. Like how he confessed that it happened and that there were possibly others.

This is something we should not have to do (no is a full sentence) but we had a feeling the family didn’t know the real story.

As soon as we did that, my MIL changed her tune immediately. She sat back and took a pause, looked as us as said “well obviously we weren’t told the full story, and we decided to take Becas word as the truth and not look any further.”

My husband’s parents then said they support us with this boundary, it’s our house and we make the rules. They said they didn’t want Beca and John to come anyway and that it was the grandparent that forced the issue. (From further conversation with MIL she may also change her stance on if John is welcome in their home and in what capacity)

My grandparent in law….. was furious. They didn’t believe anything in the court documents. Said they didn’t want to know and that they believed Becas word over anything else. Even went so far as to say that John wouldn’t be interested in kids so our future children would be safe. It was a bad point in the conversation. Up until this point my husband did the talking but now I stepped in. I said “John is not welcome in our home. End of story. You invited Beca and John, without asking. Your relationship with John is your business, but we will not have one.” Luckily at this point both MIL and FIL are on our side telling the grandparent that it’s none of her business. We also found out other outside family members have placed the same boundary concerning John.

Grandparent then decided that since they couldn’t control the narrative, since they couldn’t control what we did and that their vision of a perfect family was in shambles (it was already broken) that being terrible towards my husband was the best step. So they told my husband that their (deceased) grandparent who my husband was closest to, would be disgusted with our actions. They then stormed out of the house. (As much as you can with a walker) They have decided to continue the silent treatment. Which is good because my husband says no contact is the best thing right now.

Beca and John have changed their travel plans to less days, and have gotten a hotel and their own dinner reservations. MIL has said they will deal with them. Husband will be telling the Aunt directly prior that John is not welcome in our house.

The family trip is in a few weeks. We don’t know if or what will happen. Don’t know if the grandparent will come. Or if they will still be childish by then. It doesn’t matter to us. We have placed our foot down.

I may update a second time if more stuff goes down during the visit. But thanks again to everyone’s engagement on the last post!!