update

*I wanted to mostly make this update to say thank you so so so much to everyone who commented the most helpful, thoughtful, and kind things to me. You have absolutely helped me in more ways than you can ever imagine. I wasn’t even aware of these services for women and I am so grateful they still exist. I was gonna delete this post in fear of someone finding it but I think I will leave it up so maybe it can help someone who is hurting too. I won't be checking any more though.

If you do care about the update,

I found a way to have an online consultation with a doctor and have the pills shipped to me. They are currently on their way. They will be here well before 10 weeks. I did tell my husband because he would have seen the charge on the credit card. He was mad but he told me that he couldn’t stop me from doing what I wanted. He told me we could discuss more when the pills arrive.

I don’t know if I will take them or not. I want to, but I don’t know. Anyway, thank you. Whether I have this baby or not, everything I do is for my daughters and this baby too if I do have it (and hopefully a boy).I hated the comments suggesting my girls have a bad life, because if anything I have done everything I can to make sure that they do not. And they don’t. While my eyes were opened to a few things about my husband, nothing can change my mind about how he is at being a dad- which is wonderful. We also discussed birth control methods since clearly that’s a problem. After either the termination or the pregnancy, I will be getting the IUD. The doctor at the clinic (where I was told I am 7-8 weeks) also told me about the medication I can take after the pregnancy if I can have it, or during, for the PPD I’ve had with the last two pregnancies and currently have. My husband doesn’t believe in “meds for moods” so I think I’ll do it without him knowing.

So thank you again. It will work out, and if not, it isn’t the first time I’ve navigated bad weather just for my girls :)*

My husband (m33) and I (f25) have been married for five years and we have three children together. They are 4, 3, and 12 weeks.

Yesterday I found out I am pregnant again. It hurts my heart to admit that I wasn’t excited- I was upset and scared. I actually didn’t believe it for a while either, for the time it took for me to get dressed, get my kids dressed, get them in the car, out of the way car, through the store, and back home with another pregnancy test. It was positive again and I sobbed.

I don’t want another baby. I adore my children now but I am struggling so much. I was struggling before the newborn and she is such a fussy baby I hardly sleep. I forget to drink water. I would be a horrible mom to carry this baby for another 40 weeks. I wouldn’t even feel good about it, or excited, and I don’t see that changing.

I went to my husband and he was happy. He kissed me and told me that if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be, and that my feelings will pass soon. I told him they won’t- I’m scared to have four kids, I can barely handle three. He told me I was being too hard on myself.

I told him I wanted to have an abortion. He acted like I just confessed to an affair. He lost his mind- yelling, cussing, being so mean. I told him that we could talk more but I was going to call the clinic and make an appointment. He so kindly reminded me that if I am past 6 weeks (I don’t believe I am) then I can’t have one. I replied by saying all the more reason to call asap.

He is just so fucking mad at me. Am I so wrong for wanting this? I already feel horrible, so just tell me if this is a horrible thing to do to him. I think his whole reasoning is because he wants a boy- we have three girls. But I would be willing to try again for a boy but in a year or two, not now. Is that so wrong of me?