My ex and I (49M) were married for 2 years and had a daughter before I discovered her affair. But she took her own life during the divorce. I stayed close to my in-law because I didn’t want to take away their granddaughter. But that was a mistake because they secretly hated me and were turning my daughter against me. By the time I found out, it was too late, and daughter hated me. She was fighting with me, broke many things in the house and ran away multiple times. I tried to explain to her what happened, but she wouldn’t believe me. My family also tried in vain. At one point, I couldn’t take it anymore and let her go live with her grand-parents and she cut all contact with me. After a year of waiting, I had enough and moved to Canada to tried to rebuild my life. She was 14 when I left.

Recently, I learnt that my father passed away and I wanted to fly back. But my brother told me that my daughter would be present. Apparently, as she grew up, she understood many things and realised her grandparents were lying. She cut contact with them and was rebuilding a relationship with my brother and father. They didn’t let her contact me because I was still in a bad place. And frankly, I’m still am. I’m not sure I want her in my life again. I know she was just a kid back then and now she is an adult (22F now). But even with that, I’m not sure. I need advice.

Edit: I am quite surprised by the replies. I asked for help with my daughter and what I get are attacks to my manhood. It is quite funny when I receive messages of people insulting me and telling me to grow up when theses people are reaching out to me and insulting me because they were displeased by my story (a story they saw on internet too). The adult thing to do would have been to simply not reply.

Thanks to those who provide answers and support. I really appreciate it.

Anyways, I called my brother back and we agreed that we will try to repair our relationship after the funeral. For now, we will mourn my father.

Thank you to everyone for your conversation and for your time. I am doing my best to read every single comment, and to reply to as many as I can. This blew up to a degree I didn’t expect, and I’m a bit overwhelmed. I appreciate everyone’s perspectives and am considering them all equally. Thanks again.

I live in a studio type space with my boyfriend. Our bed serves as our couch during the daytime.

Every day, I make the bed. I cover our sleeping blankets with one big daytime blanket, I use pillows and thick blankets to make a “backboard” against the wall for us to lean on, and I cover our sleeping pillows with a blanket so the dog doesn’t lay directly on the pillows (I have very sensitive, acne-prone skin, and try to minimize the dog hair in my sheets, which is why this matters to me).

My boyfriend regularly grabs for any blanket or pillow in arms reach. This includes taking the dog cover blanket off my pillows, taking most of the “backboard” setup and balling it up, or grabbing my sleeping pillows.

You might be thinking that we should just get more blankets or pillows, but we have literally 20 blankets and multiple other pillows to use. We have argued about this before. Part of the reason we have so many blankets and pillows is because of this recurring conflict. I have absolutely enhanced my “couch” setup over the years, as we acquired more and more pillows and blankets.

Today when I made the bed, he sat down and immediately grabbed the dog cover blanket off of our sleeping pillows. I quickly said “No”, my voice was raised but I wasn’t yelling. It was more urgent than angry. I immediately grabbed two clean blankets for him (which were 5 feet away), and told him “I just made the bed and covered the pillows with that blanket for the dog.” (EDIT to clarify, the only part of this exchange that could be perceived as “yelling” was me urgently saying “No”. I didn’t continue to speak with a raised voice.)

After some silence, I asked what was wrong and if it was the blankets thing, and tried to explain my logic once again.

He became enraged that I have “yelled at him once again for trying to get comfortable”, that he “just wants a blanket to put behind his back”, and that he tired of “getting yelled at for trying to be comfortable.” He says that I’m a controlling abuser and that I need to stop yelling at him when he “simply reaches for a blanket or pillow”.

My perspective is that I did the work to make the bed. We have an abundance of blankets and pillows, and there are so many right there, so it’s careless and disrespectful to me and undoes my daily labor by grabbing the first one within arms reach and undoes the “functional” couch part of the bed. That blanket is covering those pillows for a reason, which he is fully aware of.

He says me getting the chance to yell at him and abuse him is more important to me than his comfort. I say he views my daily labor as some frivolous, pointless thing that he doesn’t appreciate or care to understand.

Some things I have tried are removing the sleeping pillows from the daytime bed setup, but there is nowhere to put them during the day in our small space where they won’t end up on the floor. Moving into a larger space is also not an option.

I suppose I could say nothing to him when he grabs the “functional” blankets, and just replace them with another blanket to cover the sleeping pillows. I don’t think I should have to do that when he is perfectly capable of grabbing any other blanket himself (he could also ask me to get one for him and I would do it immediately).

He says “if the blankets aren’t for us to use, who are they for?” They are obviously for us, which is why I set this up every day. But us includes me, and since I’m the one doing this every single day because of my own preferences and needs (reducing the dog hair and outside clothes on my sleeping pillows and sheets for the sake of my skin), the least he could do is not undo it.

EDIT: here’s the only update I will have.

So he came home and the conversation went like this.

He is focused on my having yelled, meaning the one “No” I said with a raised voice. He demanded (while yelling louder than I did at any point in the day) that I apologize sincerely for having yelled, which I already had and did again. I acknowledged that even a brief raise of my voice is damaging and hurtful, and that I understand he just wanted a blanket and doesn’t want to be yelled at for that.

I got a moment to speak without being interrupted and said that I don’t understand why he chooses this blanket or my pillows when there are so many other options. That he knows I always put the blanket over the pillows because I don’t want the dog on them.

He told me I’m full of shit and that I always change the reason for it simply because it’s a control thing. He made this claim because I have covered the pillows with a blanket even before the dog got here.

Yes, I have always covered the sleeping pillows, even before the dog was here. That’s because I didn’t like him using them as backrests or neck rests, or arm rests. I don’t want outside clothes (like having been in someone’s car, or at work, or at the gym) on my face pillow.

And he kept doing it anyways, just as he did now. That’s what the overabundance of blankets is for. That’s literally why we have the overabundance. To use for our purposes, and not have any reason to use my pillows.

I told him that my core reason for the blanket covering the pillows is the same. I don’t want the dog on my pillow just like I don’t want outside clothes rubbing on my pillow if he grabs it to use as an arm rest.

So that’s it, he thinks I’m full of shit and controlling and lying on purpose, and he intentionally undoes the blanket and pillow setup to use it because he thinks I’m full of shit and controlling because I did this since before the dog got here.

And he didn’t understand or respect my reasoning before we had a dog. He took it as a personal attack that I think he’s dirty or gross or something, when I just don’t want anyone using my sleeping pillow for various purposes other than my face resting on it at night.

Thanks again everyone.

SOS: My burgers have gone from family favorite to something no one wants.

Two boys, 13 and 25, used to devour my burgers like they hadn't seen a meal in ages. Now? They're leaving sad, barely-touched meat discs on their plates. My boys have opinions, and they're brutal: 'weird,' 'too dry,' 'too oily,' 'too greasy,' and the soul-crushing 'it doesn't have any taste.'

To me, they've always been rather plain, but that seemingly was never a problem before. Something has changed, though I'm not sure what.

I'm using 80/20 ground beef, fresh as can be, from a decent grocery store in Massachusetts (Shaw's). My wife likes hers still mooing, but the boys want theirs perma-charred - no pink allowed.

Current recipe (use at your own risk): 7 oz of beef, manhandled into submission, flattened, and sacrificed to a medium-high skillet for 4 minutes per side. Cheese gets a 60-second cameo at the end. Brioche buns because I really do try to make my fam happy.

I've never had to season ground beef before, but maybe that's where I've gone wrong? Is there a secret burger society I'm not privy to? A bovine illuminati?

I could use some help. How do YOU make your burgers taste like actual food and not sad cow discs?

EDIT: Wow, something like 80 comments in about 8 minutes. I'm doing it wrong. :)
90+ minutes in, and now 500+ comments, I certainly hit a nerve with tasteless burgers. I'm really sorry and I won't do it again. Promise! :(

Smash Burger Success! Just finished dinner. There’s grease everywhere, I’m still cleaning up, I didn’t expect that much grease to come out on my griddle, and all over the kitchen floor - I usually have a grease catcher over my frying pan.

Regardless, everyone is happy! My wife gave it props too so all in all, excellent work everyone, you all made it happen!

TY Reddit!!