They're all over each other in cab, the elevator, the hallway... he manages to get the door open, the tumble into the apartment, shut the door and tumble onto the couch in a passionate encounter.
After it.... is finished... the man says to the woman, "If I knew you were a virgin, I would have taken more time."
The woman replies, "If I knew you could have taken more time, I would have removed my pantyhose."
The clerk who sells it to her says that it used to live in a brothel that got shut down after a raid by law enforcement, and they picked it up for a song at a police auction. He warns that the bird might have picked up some bad language, but the woman says that if it has, she'll teach it not to say those things sooner or later.
The woman takes the parrot home. As it looks around, taking in its new surroundings, it says "New house, new madam."
Then the woman's daughters come home. When it sees them, the parrot says "New house, new madam, new girls."
Then the woman's husband comes home. On seeing him, the parrot says "New house, new madam, new girls, but the same old customers. Good to see you again, John."
They'd both go lower if it was legal.