Q&As

When me and my wife first started dating, we had a talk about cheating.

I straight up lied, and said:

"If this ever happens, I need to know straight away, if you tell me, and it only happens once, I think I could forgive you"

Fast forward 5 years later and we are married.

A couple nights ago, she came up to me and asked if I remember our talk, I said which one (we had a lot of talks like that).

The then reminded me of the cheating talk, and confessed she slept with a co worker at a recent company party.

I was mortified. I packed my stuff and left, she begged me to stay. I couldn't, I needed to cool down.

We talked yesterday, and she again reminded of our talk early on, I laughed, and said that I never intended to forgive her, and I only said that at the time to make sure she confessed if it ever happened.

I'm still planning on divorcing her, nothing can change my mind about that, but my wife said what I did was manipulation.

Was I the asshole for lying about forgiving her?

My wife (38F) and I (40M) have been married for 10 years and have 3 kids (9, 7, & 4). My wife is a SAHM, has been ever since our first child was born. I work full-time and am blessed to make enough to provide a quality life for our family. We live modestly and I'm very conscious about living above our means. By that I mean we don't live paycheck to paycheck, but we also don't take yearly family vacations, don't buy designer items, still use hand-me-downs, etc.

My wife has been extra stressed this summer with all 3 kids at home. When the 2 older ones are in school, she's fine. But this summer has been hard for her. I've adjusted my work schedule to allow me to spend more time at home to give her time for herself. I take the kids on bike rides, go to parks, swimming, fishing, etc. She has used the majority of this time on her hobby, crafting.

She has an entire room dedicated solely to her hobby. She will sometimes sell some items she makes or takes on a specific project for a friend/family member or the odd person from the internet. But sometimes I feel like she spends more time and effort on shopping for materials than she does actually crafting things. In short, there is no way her hobby has brought in more money than she has spent.

Last week was an especially busy week at my job and I was unable to flex my schedule to help at home during the workday. My wife complained to me that she needs more help at home and that I need to figure out ways to give her breaks. I told her that I am doing the best I can, but my job keeps the roof over our heads and if I need to be at the office, that's what I'm going to do.

She said that she has sold some items recently and that her hobby is helping us financially, so I should be doing more at home too. She told me it's basically become a part-time job for her in addition to taking care of the kids.

I asked her to tell me exactly how much money she sold the items for and then looked up our most recent credit card statement to see how much she's spent in the same timeframe. Even with selling those items, she spent hundreds more on materials. Her excuse was that not all the materials were for the items she sold, but for other projects as well.

I told her that her crafting isn't a job, it's a hobby. And it's not helping us financially. I told her that I'm glad she's selling items and spending time doing something she likes but using that as an excuse to claim I'm not helping her enough is disingenuous at best. Especially when I've taken extra steps to take on more childcare.

She told me I was being a jerk for diminishing her contributions to our family and I told her that is exactly what she did to me first, but at least I am getting our family to a net-positive financial situation. She is still mad at me and still thinks I need to do more to help at home.

I’m 19F and have been with my boyfriend 23M for over a year now. We come from different countries and religions but we’ve made it work. I have to mention this. My boyfriend loves turning everything into a competition. We both go to the gym and he's always like "who can do this better" Even at home he’s always asking who can cook better.. clean faster.. you name it.

A week ago we were relaxing in the bathtub together. He asked who I thought could hold the other underwater the longest. I found it weird and just brushed it off as one of his usual questions. Just 2-3 minutes later he got up as if to get out of the bathtub and suddenly pushed me underwater. He kept me under for what felt like more than 20 seconds. When he finally let go he started laughing.

I’m generally healthy but I have a heart condition that requires daily medication to keep my heart rate normal. Without meds, my heart rate can go up to 140-150 bpm. Even with meds, sudden situations like this can make my heart rate spike to 140 and stay between 110-120 for the next few days. He knows this.

He brought up what happened today and said he apologized (which he didn’t) and that I should get over it. I'm trying. He said he was trying to prove a point. That I need to work on myself more. It doesn't make sense to me because he’s naturally stronger than me and no matter how much I work out. I can’t always defend myself against everything successfully.

I can’t talk to my sister or mother about it. They’d just ask what I was doing in a bathtub with a guy in the first place. And I still don't have friends here. It's only him and me. We’ve talked about it more than once and he says if I did this to him he would've found it funny. I don't know if I just need to loosen up more but I don't understand how holding me underwater for that long was ever funny in his head.

Edit: He’s also complaining now about the marks I left on his wrist/arm (almost faded). I didn't mean to. It was sudden and I swallowed bit of water and I was freaking out and just wanted him to let go. I apologized for this but told him it was a natural reaction to what he did.

I (m) have this friend, she nice looking, out going, funny. We met in school and hit it off as friends, we hung out together or as a group, or me and my girlfriend with her and her bf a few time a week. We have never really been single at the same time, so I never really noticed her romantically, I mean I noticed she was attractive but never though of her romantically.

I ended up breaking up with my gf and a few months later she broke up with her bf. Well because most of our friends are paired off at the time, we end up hanging out like 4 days a week.

I wasn't aware I was starting to catch feelings for this girl until someone pointed out I stopped dating and approaching other women. I really hit home when she went on a few different dates and I noticed I was jealous.

So I sat her down and had a chat, told her I have noticed recently I was becoming interested in her, I absolutely hater seeing her go on dates with other guys. And wanted to see if us dating would be as cool as our friendship so far.

1st she smiled (big happy excited eyes). Then something happened, her smile turned unsure. She explained she had though of it as well and is interested in giving it a try. But not to the end of the summer.

Confused I asked why the end of the summer. She explained she was in her hoe phase (her words) and she wanted to have a "summer of fun" b4 she settled down. The rest of that day was awkward I cut things short. When she asked I told her we were fine, my pride was brused a bit and I was feeling disappointed. But not to worry we are definitely still friends.

I have to admit the second she chose potentially random hook ups and getting run through for the summer over a relationship, all romantic feelings died. I wasn't mad at her, she did nothing wrong, but the way I viewed her had changed. She was forever in the friend zone for me. I took a few days put my big boy pants on and we started hanging out again. But it was different, I only saw her as a friend and I only was interested in seeing her every now and again not all the time like b4. I started dating other girls again. I had no hard feelings I genuinely enjoyed being around her only like b4 when we both had spouses.

Anyway, one night we were our as a group we all had a few drinks and she says. "Hey good news, summers almost over". Oblivious to what she meant till later I say " that sucks I love summer". Then I got distracted by other conversations being had. I did notice she was cold towards me the rest of the night.

October rolls around she wants to do lunch just her and I. We meet up, having a great talk, we talked about our summer. She talks about all the guys she dated over the summer. She used this to steer the conversation to "us". She wanted to let me know she was ready to settle into a relationship and wanted to go back to our earlier conversation.

I told her it's cool, I valued our friendship and think we should stay just that friends. She wanted to know what's changed, and would not let it go. So I had to be honest.

I told her that her choice to put me on the back burner for "hot girl summer" was hurtful and I feel like if she actually liked me she would have wanted to be in a relationship with me. She said she knew we would be the real thing and she needed to "get through her hoe phase" to give us an honest shot. I let her know the fact she fealt we could have been something and she still chose potentially to get run through by a bunch of strangers instead of starting something real tells me she doesn't feel about me the way she thinks she does. I accept that and stayed friends with her with no hard feelings. But the second she chose to put me on the back burner I lost all romantic feelings for her. Forever because it feels like she was shopping around all summer and settled on me. And I am nobody back up plan.

She got Mad, stopped talking to me, our friends think I should apologize and give her a chance. But those feelings just arnt there.

What do you think, AITA?

I should probably add a time line, this was last summer. We have seen each other around but she avoids me if she can. The reason I wrote this now, is because a mutual friend and ib were talking about last summer, how the fall went, then pointed out she is still single and asked me recently if I have/would changed my mind. I don't think they were asking for her because they said she still thinks I'm an ass.

Long story short,

I used to be very overweight. When I met my husband, I had already lost 60lbs and was feeling good about myself. There was a point in time where I finally felt comfortable enough to buy lingerie and wear it for him. He rejected me and I haven't worn any since. This was approximately 4 years ago.

We got pregnant, and I gained almost all of the weight that I had previously lost back. I've been working very hard for the past year to lose the weight and now I weigh less than I did in High School. I'm very proud of this accomplishment.

Anyways, Last night we got into an argument because we have a toddler and he is feeling like he is being pushed aside, which I understand is hard. But I'm only one person and I work full time and I am the primary parent for everything. I take care of everything for the house, pay bills, clean, grocery shop, and the majority of the care for our toddler. We haven't been Intimate for 5 days and he is losing his shit because of this? I'm exhausted on the daily, and by the time our toddler goes to bed I'd like to relax for an hour and just go to sleep. I wake up at 5am every morning to get everyone ready for the day.

Last night he claimed that he has never rejected my advances towards him. In which I corrected him and said that he had and reminded him of the time he did that really hurt my feelings.

HIS RESPONSE SHOCKED ME. He verbatim said "Well yeah, that's because you weighed 100lbs more than you do now... I fell in love with you for your personality not for how you looked." I obviously was very upset by this. I went to bed and cried myself to sleep.

AITA for not just getting over this. I feel like I'm allowed to be upset by this because I have worked so hard to be healthy for my family, and to have my past weight thrown in my face and be pretty much told that he only wants to screw me all the time now is because I've lost weight...

You get $17 USD, either in delivered in cash or bank deposit, converted to whichever currency you prefer. The only downside is if you accept you will never be able to enter the US state of Ohio ever again. If you're already in Ohio you're allowed to stay there but you leave at any point you can never return.

The mechanism preventing you from entering Ohio is an invisible forcefield you have no way of getting around, and any attempt to enter the state will teleport you safely on the ground outside the border nearest where you tried to enter (so there's no danger if you accidentally get on a flight flying over Ohio, for example).

My daughter is in the hospital due to organ failure from an eating disorder. I am fortunate enough to be able to stay in the hospital with her.

There is a girl, Mila (15) in the room next to her with an intestinal disorder. She's been here for about 3 weeks now. She always leaves her door open so she can talk to anyone hanging out by her room.

I decided to start talking to her because I'd never seen her with a visitor and she's really a sweet kid. This is her 6th hospital stay since she got diagnosed around thanksgiving because her meds keep failing. The hospital is 2 hours away from her house and she's one of 5 kids so her mom isn't able to come more than once or twice a week and her dad hasn't visited at all. Over the next few days she'd call me into her room when she'd see me waiting in the hall and I just started going to her room when I couldn't be with my daughter. We talk, play cards/board games, and I run some small errands for her, like picking up her target order, washing her clothes, getting snacks, etc.

Yesterday I was playing cards with her when her mom showed up. Mila introduced me to her and her mom asked why I was in her kid's room. I explained that my daughter is the room next door and whenever she needs some space, I spend time with Mila since she spends so much of her time alone.

Well, Mila's mom was pissed with the nurses for letting some random woman in her kid's room and with me for "criticizing her parenting" (all I said is that she spends a lot of time alone in her room). Apparently Mila is autistic and that meant she wasn't capable of inviting me into her room (I had no clue she was autistic) and that me going in there makes me a predator.

I told my husband about this and he agrees that she's overreacting but he thinks I shouldn't be in a random kid's room.

The title pretty much sums it up but I’ll elaborate. I (26M, white) grew up in a more rural and mostly white community, so if I say something ‘wrong’ it’s not at all intentional - I’m admittedly ignorant to a lot of things, hence coming here to try to learn.

I just moved to a new city and live in a very diverse neighborhood. There are 3 or 4 barbershops within walking distance, but they all appear to be ‘black barbershops’. I say this because when I walk by I only ever see black barbers and black customers. I’m familiar with the cultural significance of barbershops in the black community, and I’m not tryna invade that space or go somewhere I’m not welcome. I don’t want a situation where I walk in and ask for a haircut and they feel like they can’t say no, but I’m not sure how else to figure out if I can get a cut at the barbershop that is right around the corner from me.

So Reddit, my ask is can I get a haircut at one of these shops, and if the answer is “maybe” then how do I figure it out?

Edit: if you have a weird comment regarding racism, apartheid, or segregation then you’re missing the point of the question. If you’re from outside the US, then you’re probably missing the historical and cultural context that the question is based on. Do you think you just fell out of a coconut tree?!? You exist in the context of all in which you live and what came before you.

My(30f) brother who is 36 years old filed for divorce from from his wife of three years just two months ago after he discovered that she has been cheating on him. Before her secret came to light, my family and I planned a week vacation to Orlando, FL in which we travel to late next month. Three months ago, tickets were already paid for. My brother paid full price for his while pitching in for his ex-wife's ticket who did put a little more than he did towards it. However, after he filed for divorce he started dating his current girlfriend. They been together for a month and some weeks now.

Last Sunday, my parents hosted a Sunday dinner at their home and my brother's girlfriend was invited. We were talking about the trip and when my sister who is 28 suggested my brother's ex to get a room of her own since the two are no longer together I noticed a look his girlfriend had on her face, however she said nothing and stayed quiet.

After dinner, the girlfriend pulled me to the side and said that she had no ideal my brother's ex was still going on the trip. My response was a simple yeah. She proceed to tell me that she was not comfortable with the ideal of the ex still being allowed to go on the trip. She then asked if it was okay that the ticket went to her instead since she's now with my brother. I politely told her that I didn't think it would be right for me to give her my former SIL's ticket since she did put money towards the ticket. Girlfriend then ask me if I didn't think it would be disrespectful to her if I was still allowing former SIL to go on the trip. I told her I'm sorry she feels that way, but that I still wasn't going to make ex-wife give up her plane ticket. I also told her that she is more than welcome to purchase her on ticket and come with us if she wanted to. That wasn't good enough for her because she still doesn't want to see ex-wife's face on the trip.

The main reason why my brother's girlfriend is not cool with ex still being around is because of their unfortunate encounter. According to my brother, a couple of weeks ago his girlfriend was at my brother's house at the time former SIL showed up to collect some more of her things. SIL end up disrespecting girlfriend and starting a heated altercation with her. I don't condone SIL's behavior towards my brother's girlfriend. But I also don't see why she should be uninvited from a trip after she had already paid for her own ticket. Not to mention as my sister said, former SIL can just get a separate room. So am I wrong?

I 26F am a bridesmaid for my friend college Lily. She wasn’t really involved in planning the wedding, leaving it to her MOH Anna apart from choosing the venue and dress.

Anna picked a local makeup artist and she experience doing the look that Lily and Anna had decided on. I first met her at the rehearsal dinner and she did Lily’s and all the bridesmaids’ makeup. The makeup had lasted for most people, however on me it looked awful by the end of the night- the foundation had separated in places and it highlighted my texture.

When she came around to do the makeup for the wedding, I asked her if she would mind me doing my skin prep before she puts the makeup on, and she said she did her own skin prep and she didn’t want to deviate from the look Anna asked her to recreate. I mentioned how my makeup had looked at the end of the rehearsal and that I could do my own makeup instead and she told Anna. I repeated the same information to Anna and said that I wouldn’t mind doing my own makeup, but Anna insisted that the makeup looks for us should be cohesive and just work with the MUA. Anna was quite busy so I left her alone.

When it came to my turn for the makeup, the skin prep she was talking about was was a makeup wipe and a facial mist. I asked her if I could use my moisturiser and she said no it might not work with the foundation she was using on us and when I said she could use my foundation she said no it was her professional reputation on the line so she felt more comfortable using her products.

We were just going around in circles and she wasn’t compromising on anything. One of the other bridesmaids came in and when I explained the situation to her the MUA got pissed and walked off because she felt I was now ganging up on her.

She had done everyone’s makeup barring mine and Anna’s at this point and Anna called me difficult and I told her I had tried my best to work with the MUA and the other bridesmaid backed me up. Anna got upset as we were in a foreign place where she knew no one last minute to help with hair as the MUA had left and Anna and me didn’t have our makeup done.

Some of the other bridesmaids tried to placate the MUA, but couldn’t find her and we found out later she had just left. We all did our own hair and one of the other bridesmaids did Anna’s makeup. Anna didn’t talk to me for the rest of the day and has sent me a text requesting me to cover some of the cost with the MUA, as she is still charging for transport and the hourly rate of the work she did do on the day.

Lily is on her honeymoon so I don’t want to bother her with this but I genuinely don’t believe I should be responsible for the makeup costs. I feel awful that on the day she walked out and I gave countless apologies, but I tried to stand my ground about the makeup and now am getting called difficult.

I (24F) had been visiting my aunt's place for a wedding, who lives a few hours away from me. She has two boys (30,27M), and the both of them are married to two beautiful and intelligent women.

I met them only recently and I have not hung out with them a lot. I always wanted older brothers since I only have an older sister. Although, I acknowledge that this was not their responsibility. My aunt loves me a lot, though. I asked her if I could stay at their place for a couple days more.

At night, both of my cousins were with their wives, and I was helping my aunt with the dinner. She asked me to call all of them downstairs. When I went to the room, I heard my older SIL say, "Ugh, when is (my name) leaving? I don't know why she is so clingy. She annoyed us throughout the wedding and meddles in our family so much." My cousins just lightly laughed along, I'm unsure if they found humour in her words or was it awkward laughter.

My cousin saw me in the doorway and it looked like he had seen a ghost. I just said "Please come downstairs, dinner's ready." He stopped me and asked me if I heard her. I just gave him a smile and said while holding tears back, "I did, but its okay because she can have her opinion. It's okay if she doesn't like me. I did not take it into consideration that you guys are on a hectic schedule and forced myself here. I'll do better." He apologized to me on her behalf, and she apologised as well, saying she was just stressed about the busy schedule and packing although I had been doing chores for them all day to not be dead weight.

After the dinner, they tried to talk to me, but I avoided them, and called a friend. I talked to him, just trying to calm myself down bc my feelings will really hurt and I felt unwanted.

In the morning, I packed my bags early and told my aunt I'm going to visit a friend in the city, then I have a flight late in the evening to go back home ASAP for work. My aunt was surprised and ask me to wait until my cousins wake up before I go, but I told her I had said my goodbyes last night already.

After seeing my friend, I just went to the airport a few hours early and sat in the lounge until it was time to go. My sister and I have shared GPS locations for safety purposes, and I forgot that she can see me being at the airport a couple days earlier than planned. I told her everything. When I got off the flight, I had missed calls and texts from my aunt and my cousins.

Apparently, my sister told my mom what went down, and she was too unhappy. She then called my aunt and asked her about this, and found out that she was unaware of it all. My cousins had played it cool.

Long story short, my aunt and my uncle are super upset with my SIL. My SIL feels like I made an immature and rash decision, and made her look bad in front of the entire family. I could have given them a chance the next day to fix things, but I threw them all under the bus. AITA?

I (28f) found out in January that I have a tumour on my pituitary gland, essentially a brain tumour.

I went for treatment to the hospital and my gf never came to visit me, even when I got home. So I ended the relationship because I felt so unwanted. Would you do the same?

i (34f) was planning my sons (6-7m) birthday party. it was going to be at our house and i allowed for him to have up to six friends over. he chose 6 of his friends and we sent the invitations and they all said they could come.

fast forward to the day of the party, we all had a great time and sang happy birthday. i took a video of everyone singing happy birthday and i (with permission) i posted it on my instagram.

the next day i was bombarded with messages from a mom on the pta who follows my instagram. she was upset that i didn’t invite her child who has down syndrome. she said that her kid and my son are friends. i’d never heard my son mention this kid so i asked him about him. he said they were friends last year but haven’t talked for a while.

i told the mom this and she told me that i am disgusting for not inviting her son and she told me about how he never gets invited to events.

i feel bad for him but i only invited who my son wanted to invite. she keeps blasting my phone with messages. aita?