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I am a (25f) and my husband (27) and I have been together for almost 4 years and we do not have any kids. I had a same-day lumpectomy surgery yesterday. The tumor is not believed to be malignant, but I wanted it out since my mother had breast cancer. My husband got the day off work and drove me. The surgery was delayed for about 3 hours, and my husband was getting impatient. The surgeon finally came in and said she expected the surgery would take an hour. After she left, my husband said he was going to leave the hospital to get lunch when I went under since he hadn’t eaten that day. I wanted him to be able to eat and was trying to be brave, but I really didn’t want to be left when the surgery was only supposed to be an hour, so I asked him if we could pick up food for him on the way home. He gave me the impression he would stay, and I was wheeled away.
Fast forward to 30 minutes later, I was being shaken awake by a nurse who told me I was sick and she was trying to get in touch with my husband. Apparently, during the surgery, my blood pressure dropped rapidly, and my surgeon was able to get the tumor out in 20 minutes. My BP was 70/30 by the time they got it out, and my lips had turned blue.
I was very sick in my room. I was bleeding through my internal stitches, coming in and out of consciousness, and was vomiting— all the while; my nurse was trying to track my husband down. My surgeon called him, but he did not answer. I’m very thankful for the sweet nurses who took care of me and reassured me. It is the next day now, and I’m very emotional and angry about the whole ordeal.
My husband did not apologize and has been incredibly defensive about the whole thing. His explanation for leaving was, “I went out and got lunch, and then I was getting gas because I was low from driving your ass around. The surgery was suppose to be an hour. How was I supposed to know your heart could have stopped?” I told him he had one job which was to stay with me and tell me what the surgeon says. I could get over him leaving if he was apologetic or remorseful, but I’m shocked at his words/how little he seems to care for someone he claims to love.
In his defense, he cared for me last night when we got home but left today after we argued. I’m sure I’m just still really emotional from anesthesia and being a bit dramatic, but I can’t even look at him the same. He is usually attentive and caring, so I am baffled. I’m sure he thought the chances of anything going wrong were slim, but I can’t understand his thought process.
I sat for hours and hours in waiting rooms during all of my mother’s breast cancer procedures and was nervous to even leave for a minute to get food. God forbid I don’t have cancer because I don’t trust him with anything medical now. Anyway, I’m unsure what I hope to get from writing this to strangers. I just needed to vent.