I'm getting married August 17th. The wedding is a bit untraditional, but nothing super out of the norm. First, my 4 year old son is walking down the aisle with me. Second, I have two "bridesmen" standing up on my side. Both bridesmen are my brother in laws who I've been close to for a long, long time. Obviously, their wives, my sisters, are also standing up on my side (Stick with me, this is important context).
One sister is my MOH, let's call her Regina. Regina and her husband's (bridesman) son is my ring bearer. I picked him because he's the only boy in the family apart from my son. They also have a 10 year old daughter, let's call her Sara. Sara is a little sad she isn't in the wedding like her mom, dad, and brother. It's understandable, but she also has 4 other girl cousins her age who are also not in the wedding that she can hang with the day of wedding.
Now for the drama.
We had a big camping trip this past weekend with a ton of family. It was a super fun weekend. While everyone was starting to pack up to leave and eating breakfast, Regina brought up the rehearsal dinner. She made a comment about kids attending.
I said no kids are attending, only those who are in the wedding party so they can rehearse. There is limited space, and I have a LOT of nieces and nephews so it wouldn't be fair to allow some to go and others can't. I explained this to Regina. Plus, we have to focus on what it's for.... rehearsing for the ceremony.
Regina immediately said "Well what about Sara?" I said I'm sure we can find care for her for a few hours. Regina says "Well I'm not finding a babysitter" I again said, I'm sure we can figure something out. She's 10. She has many neighbor friends she could hang out with or she can spend time with the other family members who will be in town for the wedding... not a huge deal.
Regina absolutely refused any other solution and simply said "Well then I will stay home with Sara." To which I replied.... "You're my maid of honor. You can't not go to the rehearsal."
By this point, I'm seeing red. She is basically giving me an ultimatum: Sara goes, or Regina is staying home.
I'm getting upset so I get up from the table and leave. Meanwhile, my other sisters (2 other sisters) try to talk sense into Regina (remember, one other sister and her husband are also in the wedding party and have 2 kids, and do not have an issue with their kids not coming to the rehearsal dinner).
Things got out of hand quickly. Essentially, the entire family is on my side and have no issues with their kids not coming. They told me to stand my ground, which I planned to anyways.
Regina approached me again about 10 minutes later and was basically trying to bully me into agreeing with her. I offered so many reasonable solutions, which she refused. I even said I'd pay for a sitter if that's really the issue. She said no. I finally asked if it was about the sitter/money or if its about Sara not going in general. She denied it was about Sara not going.
At this point, I'm just dumbfounded. I told her that this is the only pre-wedding event I have planned (I didn't want a bridal shower or Bachelorette party) so I don't understand why she has such an issue with finding/paying for a sitter for 3-4 hours.
I haven't asked for anything else and have been the most chill bride humanly possible. She said "Well that was your choice." And still refused to accept anything other than allowing Sara to come to the rehearsal dinner.
BTW she is having this argument with me in front of Sara!!!!! At one point she literally said to Sara "you don't like being babysat by _____ right?" When Sara suggested a friend who she'd want to hang out with Regina said "no. I'm not asking her mom" like what??? My other sister (whose husband is one if the bridesmen) popped in and told Regina she is being ridiculous.
The conversation ended with me telling her the entire family thinks she is in the wrong here. Regina left without saying goodbye to anyone.
Regina and her husband drove to the campsite separately, and he called me on his way home to talk about the situation. Basically, he told me that IT IS ABOUT SARA BEING LEFT OUT. He said that Regina is trying to "protect her Sara's feelings" and worries about her feeling left out when her mom dad and brother are gone at the rehearsal dinner.
Regina did not say this to me ONE TIME. She only said it was about $ and finding someone to watch Sara. Tbh, that is still not a good enough reason for me to let Sara go. What are you teaching your child in that situation? Sometimes your kid is going to be disappointed. That is life!
I told her husband that If Regina had approached me, privately, and said she was worried about this, I would have found a way to make Sara feel more included. For example, getting her nails done with me or getting ready with the bridal party on the day of the wedding, etc. Honestly, I may have even given in and let Sara come to the dinner.
I told Regina's husband that at this point, there is absolutely zero chance I'm letting Sara come to the dinner now purely because of how Regina acted and essentially threatening to drop out of the rehearsal and therefore the wedding. It's unacceptable. He said he understands where I'm coming from and is going to talk to Regina.
I told him if she doesnt go to the rehearsal dinner because Sara cant come then she wont be in the wedding and that would be relationship ending. I also told him I will not be reaching out to Regina first.
This all happened 2 days ago and I haven't heard from either of them since.
So, essentially, AITA for not allowing Sara to come to the rehearsal dinner? What would you do? My wedding week is 5 weeks away and she is supposed to be my MOH. I can't believe this is actually happening to me when I've done everything I can to make this wedding as easy as possible.
Let me know if I need to clarify any details!