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this is a community like r/AmITheAsshole except unlike that subreddit here you can post interpersonal conflicts, anything that's AITA but is not allowed there even posting about Scar from the lion king and trying to convince redditors that he was not the AH. rules: don't berate others and no pornography we have children here
I (f) have been married to my husband (m) for 2 years. He has a habit of sitting in the car 5-10 minutes before entering the house. I don't know why he does it, but he talked about a past traumatic experience he had when he came home and caught his ex cheating on him. Because of that he'd just spend few minutes in his car before he enters his home as response to his trauma. Now I won't say that he's wrong in coping with what happened but this has made me feel uneasy and it had caused many fights between us. Like when we have guests he'd sit outside before coming in, or when dinner is waiting on him and he'd take 10 minutes silently sitting in the car.
I was worried that something might come up and he does not respond properly. And it happened last week. My 8 yo son tripped and fell from the stairs and broke his ankle. He was in so much pain and I called my husband to come take him to the hospital and he rushed out of work but then I called and called and then I was stunned when I looked out the window and I saw him sitting outside the house in his car. I was both shocked and angry. I ran outside and I asked how long he was sitting in the car. He told me around 8 minutes. I asked why he didn't come into the house immediately to help and he said he would after 2 more minutes. I was so mad and hurt but tried to rush him and he insisted he wouldn't feel "comfortable" coming in until the 10 minutes were up. He told me to get my son ready to take him to the hospital, but I started screaming at him nonstop telling him this was a family emergency and that he was out of his mind to behave like that. It might not have been my best response but I was shocked by his behavior and quite concerned because...I had this situation always stuck in the back of mind thinking what my husband do when there's a family emergency. I ended up taking my son by myself when my neighbor intervened and offered to take us. We went to the hospital and later my husband came and tried to talk to me but I refused. I then went to stay with my mom and texted him that I wanted a divorce. He tried to rationalize and justify what he's done saying he could not help it and that he was nervous and wanted to help my son but felt stuck. I refused to reply to his messages and days later his family literally harrassed me saying I was making my husband's trauma more severe and that I disrespected his boundaries by pushing him off his limits.
I feel lost and unable to think because of the whole ordeal. My family are with me on this but they can be biased sometimes. My husband is still trying to basically talk me out of divorce saying I'm making a huge deal out of it. I feel like I no longer have trust in him especially when it comes to serious stuff like how cold he acted in a family emergency.
Edit to clarify that my son isn't his biological son. We don't have kids together.