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Thank you to everyone for their advice on the original post and also giving us the push we needed to be firm with our boundaries. I wanted to clarify some questions I saw in the original post before going into the update.

Firstly my husband was the one leading the conversation with his family. We created the post together so the wording was ambiguous. I was there for support, but not the one managing the conversation.

Second, a few people were asking how we even got to the point of Beca and John just coming along (there is more in the update), but originally it was only supposed to be 3 family members for the visit so we had everything planned for them already. The day I made the post it was mentioned that Beca and John were coming to. To which we said no. Point blank. But 1 family member in particular did not like that and started to cause trouble.

The court settlement happened within the last 5 years. The dates of the grooming occurred as late as 1990 (we have since found out)

Onto the update!

So after making the post my husband and I sat down and made a plan to approach the conversation with his family. Coincidentally we were seeing them in person a couple days after making the post.

My husband wanted to wait till after dinner to start the conversation and pull his mother aside initially. But his grandparent was also there and kept getting in the way and bringing up how Beca and John are so excited to see the house and have dinner etc…. So my husband ended up snapping and ripped off the band aid in front of everyone. He first started with the fact that he had something he wanted to say to them- to which everyone jumped the gun assuming it was a pregnancy announcement and began to get excited until they heard my husband say “John is not welcome in our home”. The room went from excited to silent in a split second. My husband continued “due to John’s history I cannot allow him into my home where me and my wife will one day begin our family. I want our home to be a safe place. I understand you have chosen to continue a relationship with John because of Beca, which is your business and we respect that, and while I love Aunt Beca and she is welcome into our home, John will not step foot in our house.”

That is when the table went from silent to an eruption. As we suspected and as many commenters suspected: my in laws believed only what Beca and John told them. They did not look into anything further.

I am going to omit some specifics on the next bit of the conversation to protect the victims privacy. Essentially the family said it was lies, me too movement ruined his life, the victim was a liar and went after him for money. Anything you can think of they said it.

To which we had ready the reports and deposition from the court document’s ready and read out specific things. Like how he confessed that it happened and that there were possibly others.

This is something we should not have to do (no is a full sentence) but we had a feeling the family didn’t know the real story.

As soon as we did that, my MIL changed her tune immediately. She sat back and took a pause, looked as us as said “well obviously we weren’t told the full story, and we decided to take Becas word as the truth and not look any further.”

My husband’s parents then said they support us with this boundary, it’s our house and we make the rules. They said they didn’t want Beca and John to come anyway and that it was the grandparent that forced the issue. (From further conversation with MIL she may also change her stance on if John is welcome in their home and in what capacity)

My grandparent in law….. was furious. They didn’t believe anything in the court documents. Said they didn’t want to know and that they believed Becas word over anything else. Even went so far as to say that John wouldn’t be interested in kids so our future children would be safe. It was a bad point in the conversation. Up until this point my husband did the talking but now I stepped in. I said “John is not welcome in our home. End of story. You invited Beca and John, without asking. Your relationship with John is your business, but we will not have one.” Luckily at this point both MIL and FIL are on our side telling the grandparent that it’s none of her business. We also found out other outside family members have placed the same boundary concerning John.

Grandparent then decided that since they couldn’t control the narrative, since they couldn’t control what we did and that their vision of a perfect family was in shambles (it was already broken) that being terrible towards my husband was the best step. So they told my husband that their (deceased) grandparent who my husband was closest to, would be disgusted with our actions. They then stormed out of the house. (As much as you can with a walker) They have decided to continue the silent treatment. Which is good because my husband says no contact is the best thing right now.

Beca and John have changed their travel plans to less days, and have gotten a hotel and their own dinner reservations. MIL has said they will deal with them. Husband will be telling the Aunt directly prior that John is not welcome in our house.

The family trip is in a few weeks. We don’t know if or what will happen. Don’t know if the grandparent will come. Or if they will still be childish by then. It doesn’t matter to us. We have placed our foot down.

I may update a second time if more stuff goes down during the visit. But thanks again to everyone’s engagement on the last post!!

My boyfriend (31M) and I (26F) have been fighting a lot recently. He can be possessive and easily jealous. We’ve been traveling for three weeks, including visiting his family. After visiting his family, we were supposed to go back home (we live together). I have a trip to see my family coming up and he had a friend (28m) coming to stay with us to film content (my boyfriend is a YouTuber..). Due to the storms that recently passed, we were unable to go back to our house as the electricity had been knocked out. Instead, we all (friend included) end up staying at an air bnb in a different city.

At dinner, I mentioned joining them for filming street interviews, but my boyfriend got upset, saying I’d be a distraction and he couldn’t "guard" me. This led to a tense exchange where he asked if I wanted to break up, and I, frustrated, said “sure.” He then announced to his friend that I broke up with him, humiliating me & I try to play it off like a joke. After dinner they leave me at the air bnb and go out to film street interviews until 3:30am.

The next morning we more or less resolve things. During dinner that night, I showed normal affection, but he later criticized me for being “too touchy” and making his friend uncomfortable. He told me to be affectionate only when we are alone.

Things escalated when I see I got a DM from a guy we know. I tell him about it, not thinking it would be a big thing & he EXPLODES. He immediately shuts our bedroom door and gets in my face. His massive reaction, the harshness of his tone, and the buzz I have cause me to immediately break down into tears. He’s furious that a guy is DMing me and is half apologizing for his reaction and half yelling at me for it, despite knowing I have trauma from a past abusive relationship. he storms out loudly announcing to his friend that I’m “DMing a guy” I’m horrified and embarrassed that he would paint me this way to his friend. I was not DMing this guy, I told my boyfriend without responding to the DM. He comes back in snatches my phone away from me and DMs the guy back from my account.

I told him I was done, packed my stuff, and left for a hotel. He tried to convince me to stay, but I insisted on leaving. After I got to the hotel, I sent him a text that went green. Later, I saw he was out at a bar (likely filming street interviews) until 3:30 am. He never texted me back.

Now, I’m in the hotel, unable to sleep, dreading going back to get my things while his friend is still around.

AITA for leaving after his outburst?