Q&As

So, unfortunately for me(30f)- my initials are DP (first and middle name). And for those who don’t know, it’s also the abbreviation for double penetration. Throughout the end of middle school and all of high school it was an easy target for bullying. Amongst other things but this one always annoyed me. Of course my sister(32f) knows it annoys me. Always has. She thinks it’s hilarious. She lives about an hour away from me so we only manage to see each other like once or twice a month. My sister has a daughter(10f) whom I love dearly but she can be a little shit. Every once in a while my sister likes to mess with me and will throw around “aunt DP” Ex. “Go ask Aunt DP” “Call her aunt DP she hates it”

Yesterday, she came over with my niece to spend some time with me & my kid. We started bickering bc she never picks up after herself. Minor- sister shit. Our kids are in the same room so she looks at her daughter and says “Ask Aunt DP if she’s mad, bro” My niece doesn’t skip a beat “Aunt DP, why you mad bro?”

I look my sister dead in her eyes and said next time she calls me Aunt DP around the kids, or has her kid say it, I’m telling her what it REALLY means. Again without skipping a beat my niece says “Wait… what do you mean? What does it REALLY mean? I thought it was just your name” And asked a few more times but I just told her to drop it.

They left and I THOUGHT it blew over. But I know how 10 year olds are. My sister just texted me saying her daughter has non stop been asking “what does DP mean” and that I was an asshole for saying that in front of her. Says she’s afraid she’s going to ask her friends. Said I should have let her think it was just my initials and it’ll “ruin her innocence” I told her that’s her problem and she should have stopped calling me that shit years ago when we graduated high school.

So, am I the asshole for saying I’d tell her? And would I be the asshole if I did. Cause I swear I’m one more “Aunt DP” away from telling her.

Edit for clarity: She didn’t give me the nickname. Kids in middle school did. But she always thought it was hilarious

I originally posted this in AITA and it was removed. I can't see any of the comments now.

I (35f) am 7 months pregnant. I am married to an Family Medicine Doctor (35M) and we've been together 10 years. Throw away reddit because my SIL follows me on reddit and reports everything to my husband.

I'm reaching out to all of you to ask your advice on a fight my husband and I are having on our birth plan. My husband really wants to deliver the baby which I can kind of understand. It's not uncommon for doctors to deliver their own kid. There is still an OBGYN there monitoring everything, and the doctor father steps in at the last minute as mom is crowning to just catch the baby.

My husband has I guess always dreamed of being the one to pull the baby out, while I pictured it very differently. I thought he would be up by my head, holding my hand and helping me through it. He says he will do that, but the easiest part is the very end where I won't need him anyway. He said if I really want someone there, his mom can step in. I've been on my own since I was a kid living in my car, so I don't have anyone I'd want in there with me except him. I don't really even want his mom in there. She's great, but he's my person. I know it would be "cool" for him to deliver our baby, but I really feel like I need him there.

I personally didn't want our doctors to know he was a doctor, because as soon as any of my doctors, or even our vet, finds out he's a doctor they talk exclusively to him. I don't even want him to go the prenatal appointments anymore because no one talks to me. They all talk to him, and I can't ask my questions to anyone but my husband at home.

But he's already told everyone he'll be delivering his first baby. I guess I don't want this because I wanted him to be there as a husband and a father, and not a doctor. I see him as a doctor 95% of the time, and I wanted to experience this with my husband and not my husband the doctor. I wanted him to be there for me as this is my first birth and I'm terrified. He just keeps telling me I'll be fine.

He pulled in friends/family who also don't understand my POV. They said this is his first child too, and to just let him have this since I had the honor of being pregnant.

I just really wanted him to hold my hand all the way through it, and be able to share this experience as parents and people instead of a medical professional. I was hoping we could see the baby at the same time and just be equals in this. Am I being selfish for wanting this to be my way?

UPDATE: I am going to confront him tonight when he gets home. He's already going to be upset because we both have restrictions on how much time we spend on social media sites and I have significantly surpassed that today and yesterday which he'll know as soon as he reviews the router logs. I'm hopeful I can catch him before that makes him too upset.

I did reach out to some of our mutual friends just to see what he has told them for why this is so important to him, only to learn he never discussed this with them. I think he made up what he has been saying they said. They were really shocked to learn we've been having this disagreement and were actually quite supportive of an expectant mother controlling her birth plan. I'm quite nervous about his reaction to this as well and I'd like to get ahead of this.

Wish me luck and cross your fingers for me!

First of all, I want to thank all those who were interested in my story, and those who wished me and my husband a happy life. I am beyond grateful for your reassuring messages, and your love and feedback. The response was overwhelming and beyond what I ever thought it could be. I love you all so so much🫶🏻

To those who believed my story was fake, i want to say that I’m happy your family life is better than mine, to the point of thinking of my reality as a fantasy, but I’d appreciate it if you stopped harassing me in DM, claiming that I’m writing a fake story for attention. If I’ve missed a few details in the OG post, it’s because I was overwhelmed and crying my eyes out because of my family’s harassment. You are not forced to read my story, or think it’s true, but I think keeping the smallest amount of decency would be nice.

Oh, and before diving in the update let me clarify a few things:

1. Yes, the invitation specifically stated it was a wedding. No excuses.

2. My maternal side of the family didn’t come to the wedding. I’m sorry, I didn’t make that clear in the OG post. Most of them were busy, and the others just gave me excuses to send a gift but not come. That’s it. Don’t ask me why they didn’t discuss my wedding with my mom, it’s not like I live in their brain.

3. My mother’s “atonement” is the fact that she apologized via text. 💀

Now onto the update, things have been a little crazy this past week. I got off of Reddit for a couple of days, to gather my thoughts. Then, I had a lengthy conversation with Lucas about how to proceed. He’s been my rock, and I don’t think I could ever love him more than I already do. My parents were always a taboo topic, but he hit me with a brutal reality check that I absolutely needed. We reached the conclusion that the fact I kept in contact all this time, stuck around and couldn’t go NC, isn’t healthy. I’ve realized that, the reason I never fully went NC, was that deep down I just wanted their approval, even now, for once. Pathetic, I know. But it’s like a drug, being with my parents. They can be loving, funny, caring and warm, until they’re not. The little love they give makes you crave for more, and you want their approval so badly you destroy yourself. But that’s enough. I promised myself that things are going to change. I’ve thought about it, and decided to start therapy, and to go NC with all those who made an issue about this situation, for good this time.

After the days dedicated on reflecting on how I feel, I ended up messaging my father to tell him that, if he wanted to talk, I would meet him, mom and Mike in a neutral location the following day. He immediately replied and agreed, and we met at the park. My father’s sisters and brother accompanied us for damage control. My father looked distraught and as if he had been crying for a while. My mom looked the same, but I think it was more out of anger and embarrassment. My brother looked annoyed.

I told the three of them about how their behavior and preference in regards of my brother always hurt me, and that their abusive behavior made me realize that I didn’t want contact with any of them again after that meeting. My mother tried to cut me off multiple times, but my aunt (the one who posted on FB) shut her up every single time. When I asked them why would they treat me this way, they didn’t know what to say. My father kept crying and apologizing without giving me an answer, and my uncle reprimanded him for it. My mother seemed as if she was asking herself that for the first time, but well, in the end she just said that she simply disliked me. Plain and simple. And my brother? He just liked the attention and making me miserable as some kind of sport.

I went on with my questions. When I asked why they never responded to my invite, they claimed to have never received one. I showed them the texts, but they denied receiving them. And well, it turns out that they hadn’t, in fact, received my wedding invitation. When it arrived to their house, they weren’t there. The only one in the house was my brother, who had come visiting for the weekend. He saw the invite and, as many of you guessed, ripped it up and trashed it. And then, when I texted my parents, he deleted the messages (wasn’t hard to do, according to him they kept my chat archived and didn’t get the notification😑). So, my parents never actually got a formal invitation. I was just distraught. I asked Mike why would he do that, and he just shrugged, and claimed that it wasn’t as important as the stuff they had in program anyway. I had to stop Lucas from punching him in the face.

Strangely enough, my parents were upset, and started reprimanding him. He actually began to throw a tantrum and cry crocodile tears, and I must admit that I was kind of satisfied. But then my mom claimed that all was resolved, there was no need to fuss over a “misunderstanding”, and it was time for me to clear their name. That set me off, and I interrupted her, telling her that they weren’t forgiven at all, that just because Mike trashed the invite, it didn’t mean it automatically canceled all their neglect out. Plus, all that time it was still very obvious that I was having a wedding, and they should’ve asked about it. You want to know my mother’s response? She said something along the lines of “I did hear you talking about a wedding of yours, but I just thought you were being delusional, and seeking my attention with exaggerated scenarios”. She was convinced Lucas didn’t actually like me, nor would ever marry me. When I tell you I was about to trash her face, do you believe me?

Another thing came up. It turns out that my brother didn’t have a football game to go to at all. My parents used the fact that my husband, friends and I know little to nothing about football (we prefer soccer), and the fact I stopped asking about it when Mike would mock me during his time in high school, to make up a story to avoid my event. At the time I wrote the OG post, I couldn’t confirm or deny the presence of a game because my brother has private social media and Lucas and I are blocked, and I foolishly trusted my parents’ word. But no. You want to know where they went with that man child? They went to Disneyland, because Mike wanted to go. They used the football story to cover for my brother‘s hundredth tantrum-holiday, and apparently they did it multiple times in the past months.

At that point I was just completely burnt out and overwhelmed by this amount of informations. The fact that I had been fooled this badly, that I was so guillible, genuinely made my blood boil, and I snapped. I stood up, and told my father he was a sad, weak man, unable to stand up for his kids unless his wife approved of it. I told my brother he was a little dipshit, a poor excuse of a man that will not accomplish anything in his life and that he’ll always live like the leech he is, babied to the point of uselessness. And to my mom, I just… I told her that she was the worst narcissist, pathetic, little woman on the earth, that she didn’t even deserve to be addressed and judged, for her irrelevance. That not even God could help her out because she is just too rotten. Harsh, I know.

My mother shot up from her seat to scream at me halfway through my rant to her, but I was just too mad. I shouted at her to shut the fuck up and sit down, and listen for once. She got so mad, it felt like steam was coming out of her ears. I don’t remember much after that, just that I kept talking. And talking. It felt as if all my anger and hurt just flooded out.

At one point I’m pretty sure the whole park was silent. I spat at my parents and Mike that I was disowning them all, and that if they’re smart, they’ll think before reaching out again. I took my purse and left with Lucas, Anna and Francis, leaving my parents and brother at my aunts and uncle’s mercy. I think at some point the reality of what I had just learned and said finally hit me, because I ended up having a panic attack on the way home. Lucas was driving, so Anna helped me through it until we stopped in a parking lot to calm me down. I am beyond grateful for their help. Once home, I just fell on the bed and went to sleep.

I really wanted to go with you guys’ advice, and post the whole thread on FB, but given my work and career I couldn’t expose myself like that. One thing is sharing my story from an anonymous throwaway on Reddit, the other is on FB, with my name and face plastered everywhere. I couldn’t go down that path. Instead, I did something better: I made a folder with all of my mother’s insults, messages and awful comments, and sent it to the woman in charge of my mom’s church. It’s a tight knit community my mom worked her ass off to enter in, but that is also extremely judgmental, and being shunned by them is a death sentence. And well, that’s exactly what happened. Just like clockwork, the scandal spread like wild fire, going out of the church and reaching the rest of the small town. You can imagine what this means for my mother and father.

Because of my little spill, I did find other messages from my maternal side of the family, belittling me even more for upsetting their sister or daughter and insulting her. I just didn’t care anymore at that point, so I followed you guys’ advice, and told them that from now on, they will no longer be part of my life, and that they can talk shit all they want, I just won’t care. Instead, they should be grateful I don’t send their nasty texts to their employers and spouses. I blocked every single one of them, grandparents included, on everything.

I did find a lengthy message from my father. He apologized for not being strong enough to face my mother, agreed that what I said was true, and couldn’t believe that he had lost so much of my life because of her. He told me he is going to divorce her no matter what my decision will be, because he is tired of being controlled. He would like a relationship with me to make up for all the years that passed. I did reply to him, to tell him that as of now I really don’t want to see him or forgive him. He has replied that he’ll try his best to win me back, and that he loves me. I replied back that, as of now, I find that hard to believe, and then blocked him too. Frankly, his slimy way of trying to have an out from this situation by throwing my mother under the bus is pathetic. At least, she was hateful and owned up to it. He is only able to blame others for his choices. I don’t want to surround myself with people like that.

My mother and brother are blocked similarly to my maternal side. Mike wrote other messages to taunt and insult me, and I just blocked him. My mom threw herself a pity party for being shunned by her community and for her marriage going into shambles, and I just replied “good riddance”before blocking her too. As for my grandpa, he has decided to stay with us for a while, to stick by my side. He really is the best, and has read some of your comments (he isn’t going to admit that he’s flattered by them).

Since then a few days have passed, and all has been quiet. Lucas is spoiling me rotten, and I’m starting therapy soon. I know this isn’t the drama filled, revenge full update you hoped for, but well, this is it. I’ll let you know if anything changes or evolves.

Thank you so much for the love and support you showed me. I think I’m going to log out now. As for now, goodbye!

TLDR: I’ve decided to start therapy. I confronted my parents and brother about their behavior and ended up disowning them. I sent my mother’s nasty messages to the leader of her church and now she and her husband are shunned by their community.

For listing “lack of family support” as one of the many reasons that I wasn’t open to having a third baby…

My husband and I had our son knowing that we wouldn’t receive much or any family support. My FIL is ill so that takes up my MIL’s energy and his siblings are child-free and not really interested in kids. My family lives far away and I never expected or received any help with babysitting, etc., except on the rare occasions that my parents come out to visit and give us a date night. Yes, it would be amazing if my husband’s family was more involved but I’ve never thought anyone owed us any babysitting and we made the choice to have kids with our eyes wide open. My husband’s sister has offered to take our son a couple of times to give us a break, but ultimately flaked each time. At this point I’m not really sure that I’d be comfortable leaving my son with her anyway, so it’s not something I’ve pursued.

I’m currently pregnant with our second son and we told the ILs we were having another boy during a family gathering. Everyone congratulated us but kept asking if we were disappointed that we weren’t having a girl? I repeatedly said “no”, I loved my son and was happy to have another boy, but they wouldn’t drop the subject and his sister kept hounding me about when we would be trying for the third so we could “give the family a girl”. I told her there wouldn’t be a third since we were planning to stop at two kids, but she kept pursuing the topic “three is better than two” and “you don’t know what you’d be missing out on not having a daughter…” I found this annoying because 1) my SIL has no kids and is child free by choice and 2) nobody in the family pays much attention to the child we already have so I’m not sure why they are so concerned about it either way.

SIL kept hounding me and I told her that it would be difficult for us to afford a third kid with daycare costs, limited family support, a small home, two working parents, etc. I didn’t emphasize the family piece but it was one of several reasons that I rattled off to explain our decision. She eventually dropped it, but texted me later that night to say that she felt targeted since I knew that she wanted to babysit all those times but something always came up. I said that was fine, my decision about the size of our family had nothing to do with her and I never expected her to babysit so I wasn’t upset about it. Apparently that response pissed her off even more because now she’s telling my MIL and husband that I “don’t think she’s a good aunt” and that’s not a good reason to deprive the family of a girl.

My husband says not to worry about it and that’s just how she is, but I probably shouldn’t have mentioned family support if I didn’t want to fight about it.

My (28M) sister (32F) is getting married in a couple of months. My partner (30M) and I have been together for 4 years, and we're very serious. He’s been nothing but kind to my family, even though they're conservative, and sometimes vocal about their thoughts on our relationship.

A few weeks ago, my sister sent out her wedding invitations. I was shocked to see that my partner wasn't invited. When I asked her why, she said she didn't think it was necessary to invite him because "we're not married yet" and she wanted to keep the guest list small. However, I've noticed that she invited several plus-ones of our other relatives and friends who aren't married either.

For some context, my family is Catholic and very religious. When I came out as gay in my early teens, it split the family. It has taken a long time for everyone to move past their differences, but in the last 5 or so years things have started to feel somewhat normal again. Despite this, my sister still makes subtle remarks about disagreeing with my sexuality sometimes, which makes me think there might be another reason behind her decision.

To further complicate things, I’m a wedding planner and have been helping my sister with planning free of charge. We were really close as kids, and that kind of fell apart when I came out, so I was excited about the opportunity to do something for her and to be involved in her special day. I tried to talk to her and explain how hurtful not inviting my partner was and how it felt like she was intentionally excluding him. She brushed me off and said it was her wedding and she could invite whoever she wanted.

I told her that if she couldn't respect my relationship, I wouldn't be able to support her on her big day. This includes helping her with wedding preparations, which I've been heavily involved in up to this point. Additionally, several of the vendors she's working with are close friends of mine, and they have expressed their discomfort with the situation. She may lose some of them as a result, and will likely have to hire another wedding planner, which will significantly increase her costs.

Now my family is furious with me. My parents are saying that I'm overreacting and that I should just suck it up for the sake of family harmony. They think I’m being petty and selfish for backing out of helping my sister just because my partner wasn't invited. My sister, of course, is playing the victim and saying that I'm ruining her wedding.

I feel strongly about standing up for my partner and our relationship, but the backlash from my family is making me second-guess myself. AITA for refusing to help my sister with her wedding because she didn't invite my partner?

Edit for clarity: My sister is marrying a man she met through, and is heavily involved with, the church that they attend. It is the same church that I attended as a child and teen, but eventually left due to their bigotry. He has always been tolerant of my partner and I, but any conversation I've tried to have with him has been one-sided and unengaging. It's always been a bit awkward, but he's never been outright rude to us. Apparently his family is even more conservative than my own, and I'm almost certain that is why my partner isn't invited. My sister denies my sexuality having any forbearance on her decision, but I'm almost positive that she's excluding him in order to keep the peace on her wedding day.

I also wanted to say that I didn't immediately tell all of the vendors about the situation. They all work together frequently, and found out on their own when I had to explain to the catering company why I was no longer helping with the wedding. I have no say in whether or not any of them continue with the wedding, but I expect them to drop out, especially if another planner is not hired, as my sister is terrible with planning and communication.

I’m a 23-year-old female, and I’m not sure if I’m the asshole in this situation. So, here it goes.

My sister, Anna (27F), has always been the golden child. She’s smart, beautiful, and now engaged to a wonderful guy named Mike (29M). Mike is the kind of guy who makes everyone feel special, and I thought he was the best thing that ever happened to Anna. I couldn’t be happier for her... until recently.

Three years ago, I started my dream job as a graphic designer at a prestigious company. It wasn’t easy to get in, and I had to work my ass off to prove myself. Fast forward to a few months ago, our company started a big project, and I was chosen as the lead designer. This was my big break.

One evening, Mike dropped by my apartment to discuss something “important.” I assumed it was about the wedding, but I was wrong. He told me he had a business proposal. Mike had recently started his own tech company and needed a creative mind like mine. He offered me a position as the head of design with a significant pay raise and promised equity in the company. It was tempting, but I politely declined. I loved my job, and I didn’t want to mix family with business.

Here’s where things get messy. Mike didn’t take my rejection well. He became pushy, trying to persuade me by any means necessary. I stood my ground, thinking it was over. But then, weird things started happening at work. Rumors about me slacking off and missing deadlines spread like wildfire. My boss, who had always trusted me, started questioning my work ethic. Projects were reassigned, and my reputation took a hit.

Last week, I was called into a meeting with HR and my boss. They had “evidence” of me leaking confidential information to a competitor. I was in shock and denied everything. They showed me emails sent from my work account, which I had never sent. I was suspended pending further investigation.

Devastated, I went to Anna’s place to seek comfort. As I was explaining everything to her, Mike walked in. He looked guilty, and it hit me. I confronted him, demanding to know if he had anything to do with this. After a tense standoff, he admitted to hacking into my email and sending those emails to sabotage me. He thought if I had no job, I’d be forced to join his company. Anna was horrified and broke off the engagement on the spot.

Now, my family is divided. My parents are furious with Mike but are also blaming me for “provoking” him by rejecting his offer. They think I should have just accepted the job to keep the peace. Anna is supportive, but she’s devastated. My friends are telling me to take legal action, but I’m scared of the repercussions.

So, Reddit, AITAH for rejecting my sister’s fiancé’s job offer and causing this mess?

We’ve been dating for 2 months. Things have been going well. Yesterday he asked me to go to the gym with him and I declined saying “I don’t feel up to it, I started my period.” He was all like “Wait what?” and I repeated myself. Then he goes “You know you don’t have to do that to yourself right?” I was like dude wtf are you saying?

He goes on the explain that his ex was on a type of birth control that got rid of her period and overall made their relationship “more enjoyable.” He asked me to consider doing the same. I told him absolutely not. I don’t want to switch birth control methods and if he doesn’t like me having periods then he can dump me. I told him “Good luck finding a girl who doesn’t have a period.” He said “I already had one. I’ll find another.” I’m so appalled. What the fuck is wrong with him?

I know there are methods to stop periods, but for him to imply that I’m a rarity for having them was INSANE. This is the first time I’ve brought up my period to him.

I’m a 23 year old girl OFC I have periods. I know he was making a suggestion and probably meant well, but that’s a crazy thing to suggest - I should get rid of my period for his enjoyment. I’m so mad at him. I don’t think I can recover from this. It just shows how dumb he is. What do you all think? Can I even recover from this or should I just end it while I’m ahead?

So I M(27) was playing online the other night, and one of my M(26) roommates, who I’m not super close with, was watching along. We were both getting into it, and when I ended up winning $700, we were both really excited. In the moment, I told him I’d give him $50 for the giggles since he was there and we were having a good time. I thought it was a nice gesture, just a way to share a bit of the excitement.

But then he seemed to get upset and kind of distant. Turns out he thought I was going to split the winnings with him 50/50 or at least give him a bigger chunk. Now things are pretty awkward between us, and I’m starting to wonder if I handled it wrong. I honestly thought $50 was generous since it was my money and my game. But maybe I should’ve offered more considering he was there cheering me on.

AITA for not splitting my winnings with him? Should I have given him more than just $50? How would you handle this situation?

My wife (32F) and I (34M) are generally good. Married six years. Other than the subject of this post, there are no financial, job, or similar issues between us.

We have had some major ups and downs with family planning. She had two abortions despite knowing my STRONG objections. I didn't even know about the first one until she told me about the second one. She revealed the first abortion at the same time she told me she was pregnant again and planning to terminate. She knew how I felt about it and kept it from me, which was a huge blow. We worked through it, its her choice, etc. But I was devastated and I felt completely powerless. To avoid going through that pain again, I decided to get a vasectomy without discussing it with her. I thought it was the best way to prevent more pain for me. I did not tell her initially because I thought it was fair game to do what I wanted with my body the same way she did. In the long run, I did not tell her because it did not seem important because she repeatedly said she did not want kids.

Fast forward to a few months ago, she told me she was pregnant. I was absolutely shocked and accused her of cheating because I had a vasectomy. I’ll admit, part of me felt a weird sense of pride thinking I had caught her cheating so obviously without having to do a bunch of digging and being gaslit for months/years. I also just presumed she would abort again, so I didn’t think about 'our baby' at all. But she said she was keeping it.

After saying many things I now regret, I learned that the vasectomy might not have worked, so we did a DNA test (which I didn’t even know could be done during pregnancy). Turns out, the baby is mine. I am excited and apologized repeatedly.

But she’s incredibly distance and talking about divorcing me. She says I betrayed her by getting a vasectomy without telling her and is hurt by my initial reaction, thinking I was more interested in accusing her of cheating than in the pregnancy. She says I was “gleeful” about catching her cheating and didn’t care about the baby.

I’m frustrated because she’s being shortsighted. We’re finally having a child, and she wants to abandon the relationship. There was no infidelity, no real breach of trust. She did what she wanted with her body, and I did the same. Now it feels like there’s a double standard – it’s okay for her to make those decisions, but not for me?

I know there’s a breach of communication here, but it’s mutual. I think this is an ESH situation, and we should be able to work through it together, especially with a kid on the way. am I completely off base?

EDIT: The comments here are generally awful and hateful. I don't plan to post again and regret it. To be clear, I did not get a vasectomy for revenge -- I did it for myself. I did not tell her about it as a form of protest/revenge/self preservation/keeping the peace. Second, our marriage has been good. I love being with her and want to continue being with her. I don't want my marriage to end and all of the negative commennds are unhelpful. Third, I strongly believe that our transgressions SHOULD equal out. If I can get over her hiding an abortion, or at least be willing to continue the relationship after it, I would like to get the same courtesy from her. I feel like this is all so unfair. And she is a marriage therapist, which makes this even more unreasonable for her to act like this.

So I've been thinking recently and it just caught my eye a story about young folk not drinking but using cannabis and psychidelics instead.

What's everyone's views on legalising Cannabis BUT only in regulated establishments..i.e smoke bars or vape bars etc.

I personally hate the smell of it and have had neighbours previously who didn't care at all the smell drifting into mine and that has made me always be against legalisation.

But I don't mind it being legalised IF it's in regulated areas.

What's everyone else's view?

Edit: Since people are confusing the question. I am not against legalising....I am not asking if you would legalise....I am asking. "Should it be kept to certain places for smoking due to the smell around families/homes etc"

Lets forget about the hows and whys; let's just say that somehow your fellow state residents have voted to secede and the other 49 states are somehow totally cool with it.

Do you stick with your state during its little experiment with nationhood, or do you say "screw this" and pack your bags for the US border ASAP? Is it more important to you to live where you do, or to be American?

I 25m have to sisters let’s call them jess 20f and Angela 26f. My parents clearly always wanted daughters this might have something to do with my mom being an orphan and my dad being the youngest of 5 boys. So to sum up the story my parents have always spoiled my older sister and pretty much ignored me. I remember angela always got the best everything on birthdays and holidays while all I got was the bare necessities I mean what 9th grader wants clothes and educational materials for Christmas.

It got even worse when my younger sister got old enough receive the same treatment. Around the time I was 15 i finally asked my parents y my sisters were treated so well meanwhile I had to work for everything that wasn’t a necessity to live. My father looked my right in the eyes and told me it was a man’s job to spoil and teach his daughter how a man should treat them and teach his sons to be an responsible man this annoyed and honestly killed any chance of me forgiving them or caring at all.

Things really took a turn for the worst when I was 19 and and out due to my older sisters tuition cost they wouldn’t be able to pay for me and Jess and would only be able to pay for one of us my dad told me he was paying for Jess and expected my to find my way as a man should. Now I should point out that I would have actually wanted him to pay for her if he had offered to split the money I had every intention of telling him to save it for jesss. Well I ended up going to college I took out loans and even worked part time and full time in the summer.

Now this brings me to my problem I’ve graduated got a job and even got help paying my student debt. I haven’t seen or talked to my family since leaving for college. Well a weeek agoI got a call from my dad saying we needed to talk and that it was a family emergency. I should point out that my sisters both live states away. I immediately wanted to ignore it but I couldn’t help being curious . So called back and he asked I f we could meet to have a family meeting which I foolishly agreed to . Well I arrive at my house and immediately see both my sisters and their husbands and kids I knew from Facebook. The weirdest thing is my sisters greeting me and acting as if we’d ever been anything more than people who lived together. So after sending the kids away my dad asked my sisters to step out so he and my mom could talk to me and boy they didn’t waste time my told me they were in financial trouble and at risk of loosing everything. I cut the conversation short and asked y they would ask me and not the daughters they had given the worled to? My dad had the nerve to look as if was asking something ridiculous. My father after composing his self asked if I was seriously still angry about that before I could answer my mother chimes in and say now isn’t the time for this and that there more important thing than our animosity towards each other at stake this pushed me over the edge. I told her that she had never been much of a mother to me so she had no right to dismiss my concerns and pretend I was the one being ridiculous. She asked if she was truly such a bad mother that I hated her I told her I hated her cuz she was never one to me to being with. This turned into and argument which ended with me telling my mom that I would sooner help my grandpas wife (his ap) that they hate more than I hate them. I then got up to leave which my sisters tried to stop but simply ignored them . Ever since I’ve been receiving calls and text from my family about how I am abandoning my family. Even my gf thinks I was to harsh and that I need to reconnect with my family so that we can heal and I can be there for Angela oldest son whose father is deceased and may need me to be his paternal figure if he doesn’t accept his stepfather. I told her that me and Angela went family and I had no responsibility to her son now she refusing to speak to me but idk aitah

This isn't my personal story, but from an elderly hairdresser whom I know and gave me permission to share here. So, to sum it up. This woman came in with her 10 year old step daughter came in to the shop. She knew the father, daughter and the stepmom. Father always said how his ex wife and h agreed to let their daughters hair grow because of their Native American heritage. Well after years the stepmom came in with the daughter and said she wanted to cut it shoulder length because it was too much work to clean and brush the hair. The girl was crying and kept saying NO NO NO to the short cut. Well my friend knew whom the mother, pulled up her info on the till system and called to confirm because the child was crying she didn't want to cut her hair, and her bio mom said absolutely not and the she refused to cut the girls hair and stepmom was demanding she cut her hair, and after minutes of back and forth arguing the step mom got a call from the dad and there was a yelling matching but in the end the stepmom took her daughter and left without any cut. My old friend always wondered if she was wrong to say no and call the kids bio mom to question.

Things have kinda wrapped up but there were some loose ends. I completely forgot to change my mailing address which I should have done ASAP, so a couple important things got sent to her house. I had to go pick them up plus a final couple of items i want for my move that i left there and decided i wanted to actually take. She was being difficult and not responding to messages in regards to them, so I had to go get them from her myself. I brought a mutual friend just in case. Thankfully she was at least cooperative in letting me get my stuff and it wasn't much of an issue.

Everything else was though

She had alot of nasty things to say. Telling me she was already sleeping around. Telling me how happy she was now that I was gone. Telling me she's finally free of me, how she's going to be so much better off without me. Alot of generic insults and horrible things you would commonly expect from a nasty breakup.

And you know what? It was so fucking obvious it was a rehearsed script from her family and you could easily see how miserable she was. She looked like a mess, like she hasn't slept in days. The house was a mess. She wasn't even yelling it. She sounded so exhausted and broken when she said it. She didn't even smile when she said anything. Just a face contorted in hate and anger. She was not the woman I knew anymore. That person was gone

When I was getting ready to leave she was still going on. I was fed up and told her something along the lines of "congratulations. Your friends are gone. Your human shields are gone. Your engagement is over . Your support is gone. Anyone who ever treated you like a decent human being is gone. It's just you and your family. I hope you're happy while they bleed you dry". It probably didn't go like that but something like it.

She just...stood there. Literally just stood there and looked at me with indifference and walked away as I walked out the door.

As we were leaving the mutual friend Tiffany asked if I was OK. I reassured her I was and I'm just trying to get myself set up to go home next week. She also confirmed that she hears my ex did lose her job for not showing up for several days and basically ghosting them

They're going to try an intervention next week and asked if I could participate but I'm not delaying my travel because frankly I just want a clean break. I know for a fact that if I stay involved in only going to be witnessing the slow decent to either a full break or a suicide. I just can't do that

Despite all this I'm actually excited for the future and I have realized that I ignored way too many red flags at the beginning. Even with everything that happened I know I'll be doing good and am going to be alright

I expect this to be my final update. I'm still in town until Sunday afternoon so something could happen while I'm still here but if anything does it won't be exciting

My (30s F) husband (30s M) and I have been together for over 10 years and share a child. Recently, I found out that he has been having an emotional, and possibly physical, affair with a married woman. I discovered messages where they referred to each other as "my love" and she even told him "I love you."

Our marriage hasn’t been perfect, and I acknowledge my own flaws. However, he didn’t come clean to me about the affair—I found out on my own. He claims he loves me and that the affair only happened because of the stress of living with my mom, with whom he has a strained relationship.

He earns more than I do, but I contribute significantly to our bills and have supported him in reaching his goals, often putting my own aspirations on hold. The affair has left me feeling broken, humiliated, and inadequate. He would tell her she was beautiful, something he stopped doing for me long ago.

Now, despite his assurances that he loves me and wants to make things work, I don’t want him in our lives anymore. I feel betrayed and believe he’s only sorry because he got caught. My heart is shattered, and I feel like I can never trust him again.

Am I the asshole for wanting to end our relationship and keep him out of our lives, even though he swears he loves me and wants to fix things for the sake of our child?

My wife (f25) and I (m29) have been married for a year but together for four. Ever since I met her, she has had a weird habit surrounding food. I noticed it our very first date.

Instead of eating equally everything on her plate, she eats the sides first, then the main, and the drinks her drink. I eventually asked why she does this and she said she doesn’t know but she can’t stomach eating a bite here or a bit there of different things. She doesn’t like when different things “get in her stomach at the same time”.

Because of this she often gets full before she even eats half of the main, and then she gets hungry later on or upset because she couldn’t taste the main food. Sometimes she wants to drink with everyone else but she simply can’t let herself.

So now everytime we make dinner, I serve her a lot less than what I think she will eat. That way she eats all the sides, then gets to the main and actually can eat it, try it, and enjoy a drink. If she is hungry still she has no problem doing the same thing twice. It’s just a quirk she has- it doesn’t bother me.

This past weekend we hosted dinner for her sister, sisters husband, and a mutual couple friend. I saw her sister eyeballing her plate as I gave it to her, but I assumed she also knew the food thing and maybe that’s why.

Well after dinner (of which my wife ate her first plate of food, her drink, and then a bit more of a second), her sister approached me as I was doing dishes. She asked me why I was “limiting” my wife’s food. I kind of laughed because I was surprised by this and said I’m not, and explained what I said up there.

Her sister told me that was unacceptable and that my wife was “allowed” to eat how and what she wanted. I explained I absolutely agreed- this is just something really small that helps her. But her sister was pissed and even took it as far as telling the other couple.

I cleared it up with that couple who said they didn’t care nor did they believe I starving my own wife. AITAH for doing this?

Original post:

Apologies for waiting so long to update. I was attempting to resolve the issue with my wife and Hannah. The talk i had with my wife was not productive. I mentioned having her checked again for PPD and she refused. She also refused to see a marriage counselor with me. I pressed the issue of her being checked for PPD and told her if she didn't then i would be moving forward assuming her attitude was completely her own doing and there was no underlying cause, and if i did that our marriage wouldn't survive.

Maybe it was the wrong way to go about it but i saw no other way to convince her, and she's still refused. I honestly do not believe she has PPD and this is just her based on her actions following the talk.

After our conversation she proceeded to purposefully cause messes and yelled at Hannah more often. I didn't sit back this time however and i defended Hannah. After a week of this i told my wife to move out. She had become an unrecognizable terror. She went to stay with a friend and has been refusing to see sadie to 'punish' me. She also has been messaging me telling me when sadie was old enough she would ensure our daughter knew about the way i treated her.

Hannah feels as if she shouldn't be welcome without her sister but i assured her that wasn't the case. Also. To those who said my wife was cheating on me. You were unfortunately correct. A few days ago i told my wife i wanted a divorce and she completely blew up on me before informing me that she would be going for full custody because she's been cheating on me for the entire time we've been together and she's positive Sadie isn't mine.

I cannot accurately describe what I'm feeling or whats going to happen in the future but I'm terrified she's going to take my daughter away from me. I don't care if she isn't biologically mine, Sadie is my daughter and i love her. I'm looking for a lawyer and will hopefully get some advice on how to keep my daughter. I'm on her birth certificate so I'm hoping that means legally she's mine regardless of paternity.

Im sorry if this was a bit all over the place. I'm still dealing with the fallout of everything but thought i would update you all. To end this on a better note if that matters to you all, Hannah has agreed to continue living here to help look after Sadie regardless of her future ability to rent an apartment. Currently we are looking into some kind of employment agreement where she'll basically be a live in Nanny for Sadie. This was Hannah's idea when i brought up compensating her for the extra work shes done so far.

I don't think I'll update again so this is it as far as I'm aware.

Serious answers only, please.

So I'm not very familiar with the American militaries in the early days of the country's existence. But on the occations where I have seen other people discuss the topic, the impression I've gotten is that the army during the Revolution wasn't very well equipped or trained. But then I have seen many people claim that by the Civil War, both the Confederate and Union armies were either on par with the armies in Europe or even superior.

How true is this? How good were these armies and how did they compare to their European counterparts like the British, Prussians, French and Austrians?

America had an easy advantage in terms of scientists, engineers, resources, money, production capabilities, exc. and yet Russia was dominating early on. They got the first satellite in space, first animal in space, first person in space, first spacewalk, exc. Why were they doing so much better than America?

I (28F) love backpacking/travelling and music festivals, have been doing so for 10 years, I love them still but they're so energy consuming.

At some point I'm gonna start doing them less or altogether. I just wonder when.

My fiance (30M) recently bought a house and I (28F) moved in with him. The house is in his name only but our arrangement was that he pay the mortgage and I pay all utilities/groceries. He has been trying to get me to see the home as 'ours' but I still consider it his since my name is nowhere on the mortgage/deed or even rental agreement and he has been taking care of all home ownership expenses. I originally wanted for us to buy a home together after getting married, but our leases were almost up and he had the money for a house and didn't want to keep renting any longer than necessary so now seemed like the best time. I was ok with this since I wasn't in a financial position yet to help put down money on a new home either way and think our current arrangement is more than fair. Anyways, my family was super excited when they heard that he bought a place and that we would be moving to a house instead of continuing to live in our small apartments. They love him like a son and were so happy about him finally becoming a home owner.

My mom and her sister (my aunt) asked if they could come come visit us for the 4th of July holiday since they were off and wanted to see the new place. They live about 3 hours away and wanted to take the train. I initially told them no since it was so close to the time we were finishing the move but when my fiance heard about it, he assured me it would be ok and he was happy to have them visit. He loves my aunt's cooking and she loves to cook for people so he thought it would be great to have her come cook and we would have our place ready for them by then. We bought all the furniture we needed, beds for the guest rooms, etc. His sister and her kids were also going to be in town and would be visiting us so it was going to be nice having everyone meet and spend the day together. I was really looking forward to it and even bought a new grill, he bought fireworks to shoot off with the kids. It was supposed to be a fun weekend and our first time hosting as a couple.

At first everything was going well and everyone was getting along. My mom and aunt were cooking while his sister was just hanging out talking and the kids were watching TV. My mom started washing a dish and I mentioned to her to not use the sponge to clean the counters because my fiance doesnt like that. Something about bacteria spreading from the sponge to the counter. We clean our counters with sponges back home (I grew up doing it this way) so I figured I'd tell her beforehand so he wouldn't get upset. He decided to make this a topic of conversation/debate and asked his sister for her thoughts on this. It seemed like he wanted to prove he was right about the bacteria thing since it was something we had argued about way back when I washed dishes at his apartment for the first time. I had long ago conceded he was right and stopped using a sponge on counters. His sister disagreed with his logic though and pointed out that the sponge in the sink is collecting bacteria either way and he's going to wash another dish with it and spread the bacteria to the dishes that he eats with so his logic about it spreading to the counter didnt make too much sense unless he's replacing the sponge after every use. He proceeded to pull up CDC articles and try to prove his point, but her logic also made sense. She didnt think it was a hill to die on and teased him about being a 'psycho' over the bacteria and sponge thing. He finally dropped it and we started talking about other things. I should mention that his new home has quartz counters and he made it be known when we moved in that I definitely couldnt use a sponge since he says it'll damage the stone so the whole bacteria debate was pointless anyways. We were talking about the house and I brought up that he has been very careful with things in the new house and joked that he has even been waking up at 4am to trim hedges in the front lawn 'like a psycho'. He laughed but i later learned he took offense to my comment. My mom made a joke at some point about him being quite particular about his new house and laughed along with my aunt. Prior to this, he had already joked around with her through the security cameras when she went outside by scaring her and telling her to wipe her feet before coming in. He thought it was funny to joke around with her like that. I knew there was an element of truth to his 'joking' but my mom took it in good fun though since she also jokes around with him so that was fine I guess.

The kids were sitting alone on the couch and I was trying to be a good host so I asked if they wanted anything to eat or drink and his nephew (7M) asked for a cookie, which I gave him along with a napkin and he went back to the couch to continue watching TV with his brother. I didn't see it but apparently he dropped cookie crumbs on the couch while he was eating. Obviously not on purpose, they're good kids. My fiance saw the crumbs and immediately got upset and started scolding him, and I stepped in and said it was my fault and that i gave him the cookie. I honestly didnt see a problem with this at the time since we sometimes eat dinner on the couch and the material is very easy to clean but I didnt say anything about that. My fiance turned to me and started scolding me about eating on the couch in front of everyone. I apologized multiple times and he kept going on about how the couch is brand new and there shouldnt be any eating on it and giving me stern looks like a parent gives a child. After I apologized for the 3rd time, his sister stepped in and was like "Ok bro, she apologized, I think she gets it". I was super embarrassed to have him scold me like that in front of everyone but I shrugged it off since I didnt want to kill the mood and make it more awkward for our guests. We ended the night by shooting off fireworks with his nephews and then they went home with his sister and we went to sleep.

At this point my family got the sense that he was very serious about the upkeep of the house and started feeling uncomfortable and like they were intruding in his very clean space. The next day, they spent most of the day outside of the house shopping and going for walks so they wouldn't be in the way. My fiance spent the day locked in his office working and playing video games and didnt really come out. It wasn't like my family to spend so much time away as they usually like talking and spending time together with us. So at night I decided to go on one of their walks with them and my mom mentioned how much she loved the area where we live due to all the parks and couldn't wait to come back, but for me not to worry because she will rent a hotel room so she doesn't bother us too much. I guess it broke my heart a little bit hearing that because I realized we'd made her and my aunt feel unwelcomed in our new home. She'd never come outright and say that but My mom and aunt had visited me in my tiny apartment before, slept on air mattresses, and not once complained or say they'd prefer to stay in a hotel.

When we got back, it was late and my fiance was still in his office playing video games. I could tell he was also being distant and I didnt want to bother him so I went to bed. He joined me a few minutes later and wanted to talk. He said he didnt like the comment I made earlier calling him a psycho in my story and that he was also unhappy with my family joking and laughing about him. He said he felt disrespected in his own house. I felt like I had so many things to say to him, but my family was in the next room and my fiance has a tendency to yell whenever we have disagreements, so I just apologized to him. I told him I was telling a funny story and completely joking and didnt mean it literally but I understood where he was coming from and it wouldn't happen again. I also apologized on my family's behalf and told him they didnt mean any harm and from my perspective it looked like he was joking right back with them, but I was sorry either way. I also pointed out his sister had also called him a psycho and asked if he was upset at her too. He said he had already talked to his sister about that and she apologized and they were good.

My family was due to stay with us for a couple more days so after I apologized for everything, I told him what my mom said about staying in the hotel and how I can tell they're feeling unwelcomed and how it's breaking my heart that they feel that way in 'our home'. I told him that since he was also upset at them, not to worry that I would make sure we do things outside the house for the next couple of days so they stay out of his way him until they leave. Even though I was apologizing to him, my heart hurt for my family and I decided in that moment that I couldnt stay with someone that created such an unwelcoming environment for our guests when they visit. Specially not my family - we're really close and aside from him they're all I have. They traveled 3 hours by train each way super excited to visit, my aunt even visited a special supermarket to get the right sausages to make his favorite dish, carrying it in a cooler by train along with other goodies that he would like. The love and thoughtfulness she put into it, idk, it broke me a little bit. She's far from a rich person but extremely giving with all she has and I love her so much for that. She's always getting his favorite foods and buying him little gifts whenever we visit her. I felt so bad for putting her in that situation, I dont think he ever even offered them a water the whole time they were with us. It truly felt like he cared more about his precious new house than the people in it. Anyways, I told him after I dropped them off at the train station on their last day that I would be leaving too and that it was over between us. He wouldnt need to worry about us messing up his place or disrespecting him in his own house anymore.

Over the next couple of days, my family sensed something was off but all I told them is that he's mad at me over a disagreement. I didn't tell them that he was also upset at them but they felt it. He locked himself up in his room for the rest of their stay and whenever he would come out he completely ignored us, wouldn't even look their way or mutter more than a hi. I think he only came downstairs once while we were watching TV to snatch the remote and turn the bass off because it was rumbling his room upstairs. Didnt say a word to any of us as he did this. My aunt was hurt since she really loves him like a son and felt like she did something to upset him. She's a very sentimental person and my mom let it slip she was crying the night before thinking he hates her. She wasnt wrong, he would either look down or look at us like he hated us every time we passed him in the hall or something but I know that wouldve broken her heart so I told her he was mad at me for something and not to worry that he still loved her very much but was just mad at me. He didnt bother to come out of his room and say goodbye as they were leaving. Even through all that my aunt's last words to me at the train station were for me to make up with him because she loves both of us so much.

I've been feeling so conflicted about all of this so please help me out here reddit. On one hand I feel bad for calling him a psycho even if it was in a joking manner. But on the other hand, I've been feeling so bad for my family and how they must have felt staying in a house with that kind of energy when I know they had good intentions. So reddit, AITAH?

I get that John is talented but there’s clearly a whole culture of good guys shown fighting supernatural evil topside. Why is Constantine so special?