r/tifu

Obligated did not happen today but last week, I just now have the courage to relive the tale.

I'm fairly close with my boss, and his wife is my go to hair dresser because thats her business, and I like to support them. So after work one day I drove my boss to his wifes business to get a haircut, and we all drank several beers during the process. Somewhere in our conversations his wife asked me what products I use in my hair and since I didn't know the names, I said I would text her an image of them all. I did not have her number, so decided to text my boss instead.

And there I am in my bathroom, drunk and naked with all the hair stuff I use about to hop in the shower and I think to myself "this is a great time to send a picture of all this, I have it all here anyway!" I quickly snapped a photo it all, and it sent immediately to my boss. Before I even looked at the photo, I added "Show this to your wife." to follow it all up.

Thats when my horror sank it. My camera was zoomed out in x0.6 zoom instead of x1 and in the corner of the photo I see it. My first train of thought was "if im holding my phone in this hand, and the products in the other hand, why the fuck is my thumb in the photo?"

It was not my thumb. It was the tip of my penis fully exposed. I prayed he wouldnt notice it, as it was off to the edge of the picture but his first reply was "yo wtf your whole ass dick is on the picture"

The fact I followed it up with "Show this to your wife" floored me. I dont know if I laughed because it was so funny, or out of pure shame. He wouldn't look or talk to me for the entire week. And no, he did not show it to his wife thank god. I'll never be able to live that down.

TL:DR sent the tip of my weiner to my boss and told him to show his wife.

Obligatory not today... But I just turned on my TV and it made me chuckle remembering.

I got my last bedroom TV in like, 2016 (since its been pointed out - my brain has confused years. That should say 2012ish)... Before smart TVs (or at least before they became accessible to me.) I had a Roku stick for it, and hence utilized 2 remote controls to operate it.

Last summer my son wanted a new Xbox and since his One was still good for the cozy games I sometimes play I said "why not keep it for my bedroom and get myself a new TV while I'm at it."

So I got a Roku TV. Cheap, did what I needed it too. Much bigger than my old one, great for my eyes. One unit remote that looked just like my Roku stick remote.

So I used it for a while, Xbox and streaming... Then, like I do, I fell out of TV and games mode for a while. Gotta rotate those special interests, ya know.

Well, after a few weeks I went to turn my TV on and could not find my TV remote. There's the Roku remote ... But no TV remote. Ugh oh well. This cycled a few times, I'd sporadically want to use the TV... No remote... Etc.

Several months went by and I'm staring at the roku remote one day, wondering where the TV remote could have possibly gone. When it dawned on me. I only have one remote now.

TL;DR I didn't watch TV for months because I forgot I only had one remote for my new TV.

So I f20 and my friend who we will call Mary f20 have been friends for 6 years. My friend has always needed validation from others, especially men and popular girls. Due to some undiagnosed hormonal issues I went through extreme weight gain and acne issues all of sudden. Mary back in the day decided that she should capitalize on that fact and I was subject to constant public humiliation and fat shaming from her but because she was super pretty and I was not, people laughed. I had stopped being her friend for awhile and she kind of broke down and tried to get in contact with me for almost 2 years. Since then I got in control of said hormonal issues and changed up my style significantly. She texted me again pleading to become friends again about a year ago and I had said yes.

Anytime we went out during this year to hang I got significantly more compliments than her and sometimes she would get completely ignored. She was not to happy about this and would often be in a bit of a bad mood by the end of our hangout.

Recently some guy came up to me and asked for my number. My friend had mentioned he was cute when he walked in but after moved on with the convo. I guess seeing him ignoring her and giving me his number was the needle that broke the camel's back.

After that she acted as if she was fine but later when I got home she told all of our friends that I purposely flirted with a guy she liked to make her feel jealous and how I wasn't even interested in him.

The only friend who actually took my side and knew she was lying texted me screenshots of what she said.

I texted her saying wtf she was doing lying about me to our friends over some guy's number. She accused me of trying to get back at her for what she did in highschool and if I'm going to forgive someone then I should act like it.

I told her I spent all of highschool seeing her get all the attention and even though I was jealous I never complained. I also mentioned unlike her I was considered ugly at the time and she's not and that if she really wants dick from that guy so bad then I'll give her his number since she wants it so bad.

She got extremely upset and is telling everyone I'm a jealous b word who can't accept that sometimes people are going to be prettier than me (the hypocrisy is crazy).

TL;DR Forgave a friend who has a validation issue and am currently regretting it because she's trying to paint me as a jealous a-hole for getting more attention then her.