I don't know how to link the original post or if it is even possible.

I didn't expect this to blow up like it has, certainly didn't expect over a thousand comments. I have tried to read them all, and some were very creative and amusing to read. First of all, we don’t want to hurt anyone or alienate our neighbors. We just don't want people using our pool without permission and we don't want the liability associated with this activity.

A few things I feel I need to clarify. Yes, our backyard is fully fenced in with two gates. One in back is double locked from the inside, the side gate on the side of garage nearest the neighbors in question has a double latch that you have to reach over the top and find not one but two releases to open the gate. There is also an auto-close that automatically closes the gate and latches it. I personally can't open the gate from the outside of the fence because I can't reach over that far to reach the two latches. The previous owner put this in and it has worked well for our yard crew and the pool maintenance people. We do have some cameras, a doorbell camera and a camera over our garage area. The garage camera picks-up if someone goes towards the gate from the front, but we didn't want to invade our neighbors privacy by recording their side garage door and gate to their backyard. We even shared the camera angle with them because we didn't want them to be concerned about us recording their children or their coming and going. I guess we were more concerned about their privacy than they were about ours.

Anyway the update, Thursday, July 4th morning, I was loading a few things in my vehicle to take to my cousin who just got out of the hospital. Neighbor/husband, who has been gone a lot for work recently, saw me and came over and asked if I was getting a late start going to the lake. I let him know that we were staying home because we are helping my cousin who just got out of the hospital. He asked if we were going to be home all weekend, I said yes one or both of us be around all weekend. He quickly wished me a happy 4th and went home. I went back in to grab my purse and tell my husband about the conversation with the neighbor before I left.

When I got home our friend, Mike was there. Mike does security cameras and home automation systems (gadgets) and my husband loves gadgets. Mike and my husband have a plan for multiple cameras and several gadgets. Some of which involve us going ahead and having the pool opened. I agreed to all but one of the new cameras and almost all of the gadgets, I think husband put some in the plan knowing he would have to give up a few of them. Mike also suggested talking to our homeowners insurance agent because we might be able to get some discounts with the security upgrades.

So on Friday the 5th, Tom, our insurance guy comes over and Mike is back and he has a drone to help him find the best camera positions. Really I think he just wanted show off his gadget. So husband, Mike and Tom are outside and all around the house and occasionally inside. I look outside every so often and at different times other neighbors have come outside and down to our end of the street.

So neighbors want to know what is going on, so husband tells them we are concerned that someone or several people may have used our pool without our permission while we were not home. It turns out that two different neighbors had witnessed some friends of the neighbor children come over last year and they and the neighbor twins had gone into our backyard. One neighbor even asked the girls and they claimed that we let them come over all the time and use our pool.

So at this point husband and Tom discuss this and Tom says we should send a registered letter to the neighbors resciending our permission from entering our fenced-in backyard.

So before Mike and Tom left, the neighbors on the right (pool party neighbors) come home, both husband and wife. My husband asks to talk to them, and with Mike and Tom as witnesses he tells them that for insurance reasons we are resciending our permission for them or any member of their family or guests, to enter our fenced-in backyard. And we will be sending a registered letter stating this as requested by our insurance. Husband never accused them or their children of using our pool but said we had reason to believe that in the past our pool had been used without our permission. He did say that we had reason to believe that their older children might be friends with someone who has been in our pool.

Husband also told them that we are changing the gate to have an automated lock and cameras will be installed around the pool area. He also assured them that we avoid the cameras pointed at their windows or backyard. Husband indicated that we were taking these measures to hopefully lower our homeowners insurance rates. Husband said that they exchanged a few looks between them but they said they understood and appreciated the heads-up.

So hopefully this saga is over, but if there are any other updates I will try and post them.

AITA for not giving up my seat on the 10 hour plane ride? So I (25F) went on a 10 hour plane ride out of the country around a week ago! I booked the aisle seat because I don’t like having to climb over people to go to the restroom! We’re about to take off when a mother of I think a 9 or so year old comes up to me and asks if we can switch seats, (she had a middle seat) I told her no and I p liked it for a reason! She got very mad and started yelling and her kid was crying, I just put in my headphones and didn’t gaf! When the plane landing a got nasty comments and was called a horrible person and an asshole! So was I the AH?

EDIT- just answering some common questions, the kid was sitting close to or next to his mom form what I could see. I had an empty seat next me where I assume th kid would have sat. And I am sorry about the explanation points folks lmao

I (35F) have been married to my husband (36M) for five years now, and we've always had differences in how we view modesty. My husband is extremely conservative and has strict beliefs about what my daughter (13F) can not wear. He doesn't allow her to wear clothes that show her shoulders or anything that he deems too revealing. This has extended to the point where he doesn't even let her visit her friends because he doesn't trust them.

Recently, this has started to take a toll on her emotionally and socially. She has begun to feel isolated and resentful towards everyone around me, including my husband.

Last week, I finally had enough. I let her go out to visit for friends for a few hours and let her wear what she feels comfortable in.

Now, he's giving me the silent treatment, and I'm not sure how to proceed. So Reddit AITA?

EDIT: No, I didn't know he was like this from the start before we hit married. My daughter was about 8, and they got along pretty well, and he was a nice guy he just turned like this over time, and it had been about 6 months now a few days after her 13th birthday, I'm trying all I can to prevent my daughter from this!

So this started about a year ago with a campaign solicitation text saying “Hi Donna {fake name; I have a few friends named Karen and they are the nicest ladies you'd ever meet}! This is the headquarters of (Candidate X). I'm running for (County Name & Office). Can we count on your vote?”

I would text back that they had a wrong number and get an apologetic response with a promise to remove my number. But I continued to get political, as well as real estate solicitations. “Hi Donna, I'm with XYZ Realtors. I was wondering if you were looking to sell your property at 123 Main Street?” On top of that, I started getting calls from collection agents trying to reach Donna. No matter how many times I said they had a wrong number, they kept calling.

Now these text numbers, based on their area codes, originated in the opposite end of the country where I live. With just a first name, a partial address and an area code from that region, I went online to do a reverse address lookup. I found a site where, when I typed in the start of an address, it brought up a picklist with possible combinations for the house number and street names. I found an address that was in a town that was part of the area code where the texts came from. Sure enough, the information pulled up Donna's full name, her full address and cell phone number. So I sent her the following text:

“Hello Donna. You don't know me, but you apparently know my number. Please stop giving it out to solicitors, collection companies and campaigners. Thanks to online research, I have your name, address and phone number. So I will say it again; STOP GIVING OUT MY NUMBER!”

I don't know if this emboldened her because the texts kept coming. So I simply forwarded them to her and texted “Whenever I get a solicitation in your name, I'm going to forward them to you.” In addition, I would text solicitors back and provide them with Donna's correct cell number. I have not received a solicitation text since.

As for the collectors, I have an app on my phone that converts text to speech so that I don't have to talk directly with robocallers and the like. Since I can preload text replies, I created one regarding Donna. So whenever I got a collection call looking for Donna, I provided this automated response:

“You have the wrong number.  This person, Donna X, has been giving out my phone number to deflect collectors from contacting her. I don't know her or even live in her state, but I  managed to get some information about her thanks to some online research. Her correct phone number is (XXX) XXX-XXXX.”

The collections calls have since stopped, as well. So, Redditors, was I wrong to contact Donna and put her on alert? Or should I have just discreetly passed her number off to those trying to reach her?

The wedding is off. After the conflict between me and my brother's former fiancée, which resulted in a phone call from my brother, I decided to text her 3 days later to apologize. Even though my family and the internet sided with me, I just didn't want any bad mojo or to be a SIL from hell. My text was met with a lot of anger on my dad's behalf, which really surprised me because the man supports me no matter what. He was telling me how I shouldn't have been the one to apologize and he let another thing slip out - end of February, the bride's dad asked my dad, in confidence, if he could pitch in additional money for his daughter's dream wedding because he didn't think it was fair he had to pay more due to tradition. My mom didn't know about this which prompted fight number one.

My dad was pissed that I was the one to apologize even though I was the one that was insulted, so he called my brother behind our backs and told him that he respects the fact that she will be his wife and his primary family, but how he also thinks he should've checked her for insulting me the same way he checked me for crossing a boundary. He then did what dads sometimes do best - go off with a monologue after keeping shit inside for months. He told him about the additional money that he gave and he told him he wasn't convinced the overlapping events were a coincidence. Fight number two ensued. My brother called our mom the next day to tell her the wedding was off, all hell broke loose.

We then couldn't get in touch with my brother or his fiancée for almost a week. Her mom then got ahold of my work email and emailed me saying I had ruined her daughter's life. I forwarded the email to my brother and he finally called me back. He said it felt like she wanted to marry for the wedding, not for the marriage. She also admitted to making her dad ask our dad for more money so she could afford a wedding flower package she wanted that was an additional $7000, and she saw nothing wrong with keeping it a secret from my brother. She also refused to at least acknowledge my apology and to apologize back to me. My brother told her he would like to postpone the wedding and work on their issues and she ended up calling off the wedding and breaking up with him.

My relationship with my brother is still a wreck, he said he needs time because he loves her but he understands she didn't prioritize him as much as he did her. Grandma's birthday bash is back on, and we're happy for her, she's excited as heck after the initial turmoil. I miss my brother so much and it sucks knowing how heartbroken he is, but at least he's talking to my parents and he has the rest of the family as his support system. I really hope we can rebuild our relationship someday. I'm glad he won't marry the wrong person for the wrong reasons, but it's awful being the trigger to his life falling apart and I regret everything.

I am NOT OP. Original post by in

trigger warnings: sexual assault, coercion

- June 13th, 2024

This happened yesterday and I’m still processing what happened. I’ll keep this short, excuse any formatting errors since I’m on mobile.

I (26F) finally was able to get a new family doctor after having moved to a new city. It had been a long time since I had a visit and was desperate to get some help for various problems that had been making life difficult.

At the beginning the doctor was more than helpful, his expertise and knowledge made me feel relaxed and, maybe this was my first mistake.

As I got more comfortable, so did he, as he started making more and more sexual remarks, saying how i seemed so passionate, even going so far as to tell me “I’m sure you like to command in most situations”, … Then it all went downhill.

He told me to take off my shirt since he wanted to inspect my chest. (I had assumed this made sense due to some hormonal issues I had, but looking back on this, I’m not so sure). He proceeded to make me more uncomfortable commenting on how “if i’m anxious without a shirt, next time he’ll take off my underwear”

He proceeded to, and god if this is hard to write, pinch my nipples (to see if there was any secretion? but alas I am not pregnant), and even if this was true, he did this for an odd amount of time. He repeated the fact that I liked to command from earlier, adding this time “I’m in command now”, pausing for me to confirm this statement, all whilst I was shirtless.

The story does not stop here, after having seen my tattoos he was adamant in showing me his own. He took off his shirt and made me touch his biceps, insisting on talking about his tattoos.

As I was dressing, he told me “This situation made you wet didn’t it?” As I didn’t respond he kept on looking at me laughing to confirm it as I pathetically tried to clothe myself.

In the end he looks at me with his arms wide open “I’ll give you this medicine for free now if you give me a kiss,”

I look at him confused and he comes towards me, trying to hug me and I have to physically push him off telling him I have a partner so he just replies that next time I’ll feel more relaxed and it’ll be our little secret.

I’ve left out some details, mainly because admitting this to myself is already hard enough, posting it online to public scrutiny is more than I usually am used to.

However, I need to tell someone, because I cannot stand this mental image any longer.

If you’re still reading this, and wondering why I didn’t run away, let me tell you … I was so fearful and confused I didn’t know what else to do… Some may understand but, never have I hated myself more for not reacting… I wish I would have at least yelled, done something. I am sorry. After this whole ordeal I feel dirty, used, pathetic.

The only thing I can assume as to why I didn’t react earlier is kind of like a frog in slow boiling water. I guess I was too naive….

by :

If you can manage, strongly consider at least filing a complaint with the medical board. It will at least go on his record.

You may have a legal case, you could talk to an attorney.

OOP :

I am afraid nothing will be done, in my country legal cases against medical professionals are so hard to win… I’m afraid of putting myself against a monolith… The one thing I thought i could do was talk about it so it won’t happen to anyone else.

UPDATE (SAME POST)

UPDATE: After your words of support I have contacted some anti violence centers and am going through the process of finding a lawyer to bring this matter to the police. If I have any other news, I will share if possible.

by

Doctor here, please report this guy. Inappropriate is the understatement of the year, this guy is taking advantage of his patients trust and molested you. As a patient you have a vulnerable position because of the difference in knowledge. He took advantage of that. I highly doubt there was a medical reason to touch your nipples in that way. This guy deserves to lose his license. I hope that where you are you have access to another doctor worthy of trust, and that you have people or if necessary therapy to process this situation. I'm sorry this happened to you. It's not your fault.

SECOND UPDATE - (SAME POST)

UPDATE 2: Thank you to everyone, reading all of your comments helped make me feel less hateful towards myself and gave me a different perspective on the whole ordeal. Your stories hurt my soul to know so many have been through similar things. I’ve successfully filed a lawsuit and now all I can do is await the trial, hope to have a good court appointed lawyer and wish for the best. I have contacted support groups and have a wonderful group of people around me. Take care of each other, and thank you all for listening.

Reminder - I am not the original poster. DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS.

I (29F) just married my husband (37M). We have been together for 7 years and have been engaged for 5 years. We decided to do a courthouse wedding about a month ago, since we have continuously put it off in favor of other financial investments (new house, home renovations, etc). 2 days after we got married I found out he was cheating on me. I asked that he tell me the full truth about the affair including dates. He lied and said it was just exchanging pictures for a month and that he ended it. I later found out that it had lasted for 18 months and that the person he had the affair with ultimately just ghosted him because he was never willing to have her over and kept telling her different lies as to why they couldn’t meet up. In therapy, we decided that he should leave the house to give me time to process the situation. He agreed.

Now we’re working on finding him somewhere to stay and despite not knowing details of the situation, none of our friends are willing to let him stay with them (he’s asking for a week). His only option is to stay with his dad even though he has no extra bed (just an extra room) and no internet. Our finances are joint and I told him we could pay for internet and a bed at his dad’s.

He is telling me that I’m an asshole because I “could easily stay with my family” even though they’re an hour and a half away and I am expected to be at work at 7am. I don’t feel that it is fair for me to have to stay somewhere else, away from my pets and work, because of his actions. I should note, that he unemployed so it doesn’t really matter where he lives, as long as he has internet and the ability to apply and interview for jobs.

Am I the asshole? Should I be staying elsewhere?

My wife (24F) and I (28M) had our first baby five months ago. We’ve been together for 6 years, married for 5. He is a beautiful little boy and we gave him the same first name as my wife’s father, ‘Keith’.

My wife grew up hating her father for cheating on her mother and abandoning the family. In the past decade, he worked tirelessly to improve their relationship. In her family, it’s typically tradition for the first grandson and granddaughter to be named after their grandparents and my wife was proud to name our son after her father.

However, a few weeks ago, my wife and her father had a MASSIVE argument.

Turns out, he is convinced that for some reason, I am going to cheat on my wife. He thinks we got married too young and I’ll get bored of her now that she’s devoting all her time to our son.

He told my wife this after she opened up to him about how worried she was about being pregnant so soon after giving birth. We didn’t plan the second pregnancy and a few days after the argument my wife miscarried and it was a painful moment for the both of us.

Essentially, he kicked her while she was already down for no reason. I had a friendly relationship with him but I know he wanted my wife to marry someone from her own background.

Since the argument, my wife has not been calling our son by his name. She’s using nicknames, calling him ‘the baby’ etc. She said that she needs time to get over the argument with her dad, but she also blames him for the miscarriage which is something I don’t think she’ll get over. FIL has made no attempts to apologise or reconcile.

A month into my wife refusing to use our baby’s name, I said that we needed to change it because it’ll be better for my wife’s mental health and our son’s development. If this argument continues or is ever brought up again, she can’t be too upset to use his name when he’s old enough to actually know it.

We’ve started the process now to change the name and somehow it got back to FIL AND he knows that I suggested it. He is infuriated. He said that I was supposed to be the levelheaded one since my wife is post partum and recovering from a miscarriage and that I’ve just made their rift a million times worse since I’ve denied him the family tradition. My in laws think I’m an asshole for insisting on the name change since now it’ll be even harder for them to reconcile. I don’t think I’m an AH but my brother said it would be a good idea to get an unbiased opinion. AITA?

Edit: Keith is not the real name. Just used it for the post.

So my (29m) Fiancé (27f) has gained some weight over the last year. Didn’t really seem like a ton to me, just a little puffier really. Anyways we were going to our anniversary dinner and she asked me what the dress code was. Gave her some examples of what they place allowed and continued getting ready.

She asked me to get her a jumpsuit from the closet I got her over Christmas. She hadn’t worn it yet. I got her a size small. Her normal size has always been a small. While she’s gained weight, she usually still wears the same clothing. This jumpsuit is actually identical to one she already owns (and wore immediately prior to me purchasing this one) except the one I got her was a different color and pattern, little dressier for date nights. Historically I’ve always been good at picking clothing for her and she always loves my choices and wears them a lot.

She put it on and started yelling because it didn’t fit her. She proceeded to say all I ever do is get her smalls and she got really angry. My exact words were “im sorry i thought since it’s the same as your yellow jumpsuit you wore right before I bought this around Christmas it would work. You usually always wear smalls I guess I didn’t realize your size changed so much since then”

Well that didn’t end well. Now she won’t speak to me. Anniversary dinner was canceled. I guess my phrasing wasn’t the best but I was also trying to explain how this was a purchase from a while back and I just didn’t know her size changed that much since Christmas. I mean she was wearing smalls even recently so I was just thrown. She is accusing me of calling her fat and body shaming her and trying to make her feel bad about herself so she will lose weight. Those accusations are so far out of this world I don’t even respond to them. She won’t let it go and is digging deeper. Was what I said really that bad?

I also found out she’s been lying to me about her size. She recently purchased a couple a new items a month or so ago and she was saying how happy she is she still fits into the smalls. Those items were the same brand as the jumpsuit so I thought I’d see to confirm that she is indeed still wearing smalls. checked the size on one of those new tops to see and turns out it’s a large. I had no idea. I didn’t tell her about that find but just adds more confusion to my mind. She tells me one thing that’s a lie and then gets mad about me doing something that is based on that lie. It’s just a lot.

I, (20F) have a college roommate “Michelle” (34F) who I share summer housing with in our university’s dorms. Michelle is super sweet to me and despite our age gap we get along really nicely. It’s a great dorm situation and I think Michelle sees me as a little sister. I mostly like to cook my meals in our dorm kitchen but sometimes I treat myself to eating out. This is where the problem started.

A lot of the time, Michelle will join me to eat out, either because she’s free and I want company when my friends are busy or because she invited me somewhere and I was free to come along. Lately, Michelle had been showering me in extra attention and even paying for most of my meals when we eat out. She’s super generous with her money but has no job and is completely reliant on her parents. I always told her that it was fine and that I could pay for myself but she always refused.

One day we went out to eat at a slightly nicer sushi restaurant to celebrate being done with midterms. To put it as politely as possible, Michelle is a bigger girl so she ordered dumpling appetizers, 5 sushi roles, and a drink. She usually orders 2-3 meals per restaurant we go to. I got one sushi roll and water because it was $10-$17 a roll and I’m not a big eater.

When we were halfway through the meal, Michelle suggests that it’s my turn to pay for both our meals. I say, what do you mean? We never set up any kind of agreement. She got really upset, claiming that she “paid for all my other meals” and it was my turn to pay her back now. I told her I’m grateful that she was generous enough to pay for my other meals but I didn’t know there was an expectation to return the favor, especially because she ordered disproportionately more food than me and I couldn’t afford that much for one meal. Michelle got pissed and said something about how “your parents are so rich you can afford anything” and how one meal won’t break my bank. It’s true that my parents are paying for my college expenses and I’m eternally grateful that I won’t end up with any debt, but they give me a strict monthly budget that covers my groceries and gas. All the money I use to treat myself comes from my summer job. I told her that and she went silent for the rest of the meal. When we were finished, I made sure to ask for separate checks and she hasn’t said a word to me since.

I’m really worried that this caused a rift in our friendship, maybe I was being unreasonable and I should have just paid for her meal. AITA?

Posted 2 days ago 04JUL24

A few years ago my husband and I purchased a house with a pool. Now we are acquainted with most of our neighbors but definitely not close friends with any of them. They all seem nice but well just don't have much in common other where we live. Nextdoor to the right is a family of six, twin daughters attending the local university, high school age son and a young elementary school age daughter maybe first or second grade and the parents.

Now normally we open the pool in early May and leave it keep it open until the end of October. But this year our weather was off and we had a very cool and very wet month of May and then June went straight to 100+ temperatures. I am currently on a medication that makes it difficult for me to tolerate being in the sun and heat for an extended time. Plus we have been helping two extended family members who are having health issues. So because of this we haven't had our pool opened yet this year.

Normally we go to the family lake house for a week during each of the three major holidays, but we didn't go for Memorial Day because there was flooding around the lake this year, and because a family member was just discharged from the hospital yesterday and July 4th being a Thursday this year we decided to stay home this week and be available to help this family member.

Now several times in June the little girl nextdoor has seen either my husband or myself outside and she has asked when we are opening the pool. We first told her maybe later, but the last time (yesterday) she asked and I said we are probably just not going to open it this year, and she started crying. Now we have never had any of the neighbors over to use our pool so I didn't understand why she was crying over us not opening our pool.

Well I spoke with the neighbor on the left later and apparently our neighbors on the right have been having a small family party at our pool every 4th of July when we are gone. They have always cleaned up really well afterwards and because we have scheduled pool maintenance and weekly yard service occasionally things are moved around in our yard and we never thought much about it.

The neighbor on the left thought we had given the other neighbors permission to use our pool. We did give them permission to retrieve any balls or toys that ended up in our yard, but never permission to use our pool especially when we are not at home. We have a special latch on the gate and my husband did show the neighbor how to open the gate to retrieve his kids toys.

So now my husband, who loves gadgets, is going to have several more cameras installed around the exterior of our house, covering the gate and pool area. And have the gate latch made where we can grant remote access for the pool service and yardmen. Luckily we have a friend who does cameras and home automation systems.

I'm annoyed our neighbors have been using our pool without permission, but my husband is happy I am letting him get more gadgets around the house. Now do we confront the neighbors and let them know we know they have been using our pool, or just wait and see if they say anything about our new security cameras?

..........................................................................................

Posted 2hrs ago 06JUL24

UPDATE Our neighbors have been having pool parties at our pool while we are not home for years.

I don't know how to link the original post or if it is even possible.

I didn't expect this to blow up like it has, certainly didn't expect over a thousand comments. I have tried to read them all, and some were very creative and amusing to read. First of all, we don’t want to hurt anyone or alienate our neighbors. We just don't want people using our pool without permission and we don't want the liability associated with this activity.

A few things I feel I need to clarify. Yes, our backyard is fully fenced in with two gates. One in back is double locked from the inside, the side gate on the side of garage nearest the neighbors in question has a double latch that you have to reach over the top and find not one but two releases to open the gate. There is also an auto-close that automatically closes the gate and latches it. I personally can't open the gate from the outside of the fence because I can't reach over that far to reach the two latches. The previous owner put this in and it has worked well for our yard crew and the pool maintenance people. We do have some cameras, a doorbell camera and a camera over our garage area. The garage camera picks-up if someone goes towards the gate from the front, but we didn't want to invade our neighbors privacy by recording their side garage door and gate to their backyard. We even shared the camera angle with them because we didn't want them to be concerned about us recording their children or their coming and going. I guess we were more concerned about their privacy than they were about ours.

Anyway the update, Thursday, July 4th morning, I was loading a few things in my vehicle to take to my cousin who just got out of the hospital. Neighbor/husband, who has been gone a lot for work recently, saw me and came over and asked if I was getting a late start going to the lake. I let him know that we were staying home because we are helping my cousin who just got out of the hospital. He asked if we were going to be home all weekend, I said yes one or both of us be around all weekend. He quickly wished me a happy 4th and went home. I went back in to grab my purse and tell my husband about the conversation with the neighbor before I left.

When I got home our friend, Mike was there. Mike does security cameras and home automation systems (gadgets) and my husband loves gadgets. Mike and my husband have a plan for multiple cameras and several gadgets. Some of which involve us going ahead and having the pool opened. I agreed to all but one of the new cameras and almost all of the gadgets, I think husband put some in the plan knowing he would have to give up a few of them. Mike also suggested talking to our homeowners insurance agent because we might be able to get some discounts with the security upgrades.

So on Friday the 5th, Tom, our insurance guy comes over and Mike is back and he has a drone to help him find the best camera positions. Really I think he just wanted show off his gadget. So husband, Mike and Tom are outside and all around the house and occasionally inside. I look outside every so often and at different times other neighbors have come outside and down to our end of the street.

So neighbors want to know what is going on, so husband tells them we are concerned that someone or several people may have used our pool without our permission while we were not home. It turns out that two different neighbors had witnessed some friends of the neighbor children come over last year and they and the neighbor twins had gone into our backyard. One neighbor even asked the girls and they claimed that we let them come over all the time and use our pool.

So at this point husband and Tom discuss this and Tom says we should send a registered letter to the neighbors resciending our permission from entering our fenced-in backyard.

So before Mike and Tom left, the neighbors on the right (pool party neighbors) come home, both husband and wife. My husband asks to talk to them, and with Mike and Tom as witnesses he tells them that for insurance reasons we are resciending our permission for them or any member of their family or guests, to enter our fenced-in backyard. And we will be sending a registered letter stating this as requested by our insurance. Husband never accused them or their children of using our pool but said we had reason to believe that in the past our pool had been used without our permission. He did say that we had reason to believe that their older children might be friends with someone who has been in our pool.

Husband also told them that we are changing the gate to have an automated lock and cameras will be installed around the pool area. He also assured them that we avoid the cameras pointed at their windows or backyard. Husband indicated that we were taking these measures to hopefully lower our homeowners insurance rates. Husband said that they exchanged a few looks between them but they said they understood and appreciated the heads-up.

So hopefully this saga is over, but if there are any other updates I will try and post them.

Firstly my baby is okay. She got over the infection and the damage to her poor little ear was only cosmetic. My parents have agreed that they will pay for any reconstructive surgery that might be needed.

They also both got their noses pierced. I had one of my friends down there verify it.

My dad got his pierced like a bull so he can flip it up inside his nose. My mom got her nostril done.

Neither of them thought I was serious until we ignored them for a couple of months. No pictures no nothing.

My husband is still furious but has agreed to accept their apologies.

We also made sure that they understood that we would not be leaving our baby alone with them under any circumstances.

They are going to have to go a long time to rebuild our trust.

Before you ask. No I will not force them to keep their piercings. The deal was that they did it.

I'll try to make a long story short. My brother (35m) passed away in April in a pretty traumatic accident that left my mom devastated and depressed. Not only is she upset about his passing but she seems to be stuck on how he passed. She told me the other day she can't sleep because she keeps wondering if he was scared or if he suffered while he waited for the paramedics to show up.

Shes been pretty isolated and refusing to leave the house since it happened but I convinced her to go over to a 4th of July family party on Thursday. Before we got there I text everyone to let them know not to bring up anything to do with the accident because she was still upset about it and it would set her off. I specifically had a longer conversation with my cousin (22f) because she has always struggled with just blurting out everything she thinks even if its rude or offensive. We've had problems with this in the past and she always says its because she's autistic and can't control it or she just doesn't understand why she shouldn't be allowed to say certain things. I tried to explain as clearly as possible why she shouldn't bring up the accident to my mom because it would hurt and upset her and she seemed to understand.

Not even 5 minutes into being in the room with my mom she starts talking about how she can't think about my brother without getting upset because she just knows that he must of suffered so bad and he died in such a horrible way etc. Multiple people tried to stop her and I even cut her off a couple of times but she just kept going and going. At this point my mom was crying bad. I had to take my cousin out of the house and we got into an argument because I accused her of doing it on purpose. I just can't understand how you can have a room full of people telling you to shut up and you keep going because you don't "understand". Anyway, we got in an argument where I essentially made her leave the party because my mom wouldn't stop crying and cousin just kept doubling down saying she didn't understand why mom was crying because she was just telling the truth. She did end up leaving but only after the hosts came and told her to leave too.

Now her and her parents are texting me and my mom saying I need to apologize to her because I was "discriminating" against her and it wasn't her fault she couldn't understand when people are upset. AITA for making her leave the party? I also don't think I should have to apologize, but I do know people with autism do sometimes struggle with understanding people and emotions so maybe I'm just not getting it.

Hey everyone! So, yesterday I woke up with some sore back. This wasn't unusual and I casually mentioned it to my sister.

Without asking for permission, whatsoever, she jumped into action and started to massage my back.

At first it felt nice but she kept increasing the pressure and I started to feel a little uncomfortable. I said: "Hey, that hurts a little, could you do it more gently?" Her reaction basically was a no, and continued on. I was like, alright, it's not like it hurts that bad so I let her continue.

Big mistake, right there.

I woke up today feeling like I got hit by a car. If I move, my back cries out in protest, in a language called pain. If I move it hurts so much I wanna cry, and believe me, I don't cry from pain, ever, but this is like the worst pain I ever felt.

I had to take a painkiller to get up and now I'm thinking.. Is it possible that she caused a serious problem in my back? Did I majorly fuck up?

TL;DR: My sister massaged my back, and now It hurts more than anything I ever experienced.

Edit: For all the funny dudes out there, I'm a Genderfluid Asex person, please don't fantasize about me(21) and my sister(42), thank you. 😬 I didn't even think this could be relevant information, Reddit doesn't disappoint.

I (23f) started dating my boyfriend (John-24m) 3 years and 8 months ago, but we had known each other for a year before. 

We had a ‘situationship’ thing going on for a few months before officially dating. It was clear to the other that we had feelings for each other. One night, I got tired of being given non-answers and I confronted him over text. I told him to give me a yes or no answer; does he want to be in a relationship with me. I told him that if he said no, then we should go our separate ways because I wouldn’t be able to get over my feelings for him if we continued to talk and I felt like it was becoming unhealthy for me. He said yes.

It’s been almost 4 years now and I’m planning our anniversary and was trying to covertly figure out what he wanted without giving it away. At one point, he snapped at me (something he’s never done) and told me to ‘get out of his face’. I felt hurt but I chalked it up to him having longer hours at work and his mum being sick and the stress that must cause. 

Later that day I asked him if he was ok and he said no. He had been thinking about our relationship. He dropped the bombshell that he ‘felt forced’ to say yes to dating because he ‘didn’t want to lose you [me]’ but wasn’t sure about dating. He said it was manipulative of me to say that if he says no, we should part ways and not talk anymore, when that wasn't what he wanted. He said he thought he could force himself to like being in a relationship. He said that after a year, he got used to the routine and having someone around. He said he doesn’t like going out for dates because it makes him think of relationships, so he always pushed for nights in. 

He said he loved me so much but isn’t suited for a relationship. But my question is… why did he stay for so long? I can’t imagine forcing myself to be with someone I didn’t want to be for 4 years. And he never acted like this was his feelings; he would bring up marriage a lot, saying we should look at rings and venues. We planned on getting a dog and moving apartments. 

My world has been turned upside down. What do I even say to all this? He just said it all and then went about his day like it was nothing. How do I even proceed with all this?

A movie theater in town used to play old Disney movies over the summer. Each weekend, a different film. It was amazing see Cinderella in all its original glory on the silver screen. These showings were very, very popular and you need to reserve your seats. I wasn't feeling well, so I booked two seats for my husband and child to see Peter Pan. They were right next to the two handicap spots (two spots were no chairs, just a parking space for wheelchair). When my husband gets there, there is a man and a kid in their reserved spot (he had other kids with him and they all had seats on the other side of the handicap spots). The conversation went about as you would expect.

"Those are my seats."

"No, they're not."

"Yes, they are. See?" Shows ticket stubs.

"Well I didn't know those were handicap."

"Not my problem."

"Can't you sit somewhere else?"

"No, I paid for these spots." Plus it was a sold out show.

Gets an employee.

"Sir, these are their spots."

"But there aren't any chairs!"

"Not our problem."

His kid sat with another kid while he stood the whole movie, giving my husband nasty looks. Husband reported that seeing Peter Pan on the big screen was wonderful and he was so happy to spend that time with our first born.

I know this is going to come across as first world problems.

I am currently at a job where I earn about $250,000 a year. I have an opportunity for a job where I will get $640,000 a year.

The caveat being that the new job is overseas. I will be gone for four months at a time instead of four weeks at a time.

My girlfriend is unhappy. She says that she doesn't want me gone for that long. That she will get lonely. I tried to explain that I will only be doing this job for one or two years. And that the money I make sets us up for a bright future. We can pay off all out debts. We can buy a house. We can travel on my off time.

She then said that she doesn't care about any of that and that if I'm gone for that long she might need company. I didn't understand at first and I said that we could get the dog she has been wanting to get.

She said she meant human company. I said that she had lots of company at work and at school and she was welcome to use our place to socialize all she wanted. She then spelled it out because I was stupid to think she was a decent human.

She said that she wasn't going to go for months without sex.

I said I completely understood and broke up with her.

She is going crazy right now. She is at her sister's house and calling me and texting constantly. She says that I misunderstood and that she would never cheat on me.

Like I said I'm gone for a month at a time now so I'm pretty sure she's been "lonely" before. I can't trust her and I'm not going to try and build a future with someone who can't think about plans.

I am 22M going on 23, in my 5th year of my undergrad, and my family likes to do long vacations every summer in their camper. They were traveling all summer and we met up with them, and from the moment we met up with them my dad especially has not talked to me or been very nice towards me. He had his own share of stuff that happened on the trip with his truck which is what I initially thought the issue was.

After a few nights my mom brought up how they wanted to renovate their basement into a 1 bedroom apartment, partly so I can move in without rent, partly to raise the value of their house.

This year I had many problems with apartments, having to move 3 times because of roommates, ex girlfriends, and/or landlord issues, which led to my parents trying to convince me it would be best for me to move into their basement. With my financial issues, they pitched it as a way for me to save money and stress. My brother has been following every piece of advice they give him and he is obviously favored because of this, on top of his major being one that will start higher then I will probably ever end up with (I’m going to be a music teacher). I also had gotten caught smoking weed a few years ago which I still do and don’t tell them, but I feel like if I tell them anything about my life it immediately is followed by advice I didn’t ask for or an opinion I didn’t ask for.

I told my family I didn’t want to move into their basement because of the amount of fighting that happens whenever we live together, on top of me wanting to live independently as I feel like I’ve always been reliant on my parents and in their shadows (my dad was my high school science teacher so I never felt like I was able to fully define who I was in school cause of that, another major issue we had back in the day).

Long story short, now my parents things I’m being stupid for not doing the more financially smart thing and moving back in with them, when I have a full time job as a manager of a restaurant on top of going to school. It’s stressful but not as bad for my mental health as me living with them full time. I’m in a bit of credit card debt but nothing a few months of work couldn’t fix. Now I just feel like no matter what I say to them I will be the asshole of the family for not taking their charity when I just want to live my own life and figure out who I am outside of them. They still so things like track my phone and refuse to let me have my own bank account, and are still trying to pay for my school, but I feel like no matter what I do from here I will be the asshole if I don’t follow their “advice”

My (33f) entitled sister in law (25f) came to me last night demanding that I plan and give her everything to home school her oldest (5m) for grade 1 next fall. I am a teacher with a masters degree in education but I don’t do grade 1, I’ve never taught it and honestly don’t have the expertise to do a good job of getting a child started with reading. I teach grade 4/5 and am a math specialist. I don’t have the training to teach early reading and phonics. Because I’m not qualified for grade 1 and would not be able to teach it at school as I lack early childhood or early primary courses I turned down the request.

My MIL and SIL think I’m being the AH because I refused to put together a grade 1 program, print it and deliver it to my SIL once a week for her to follow. Doing so would be 6-8 hours of my time a week to prepare the materials and plan for the activities for one child on top of planning for the 30 children in my grade 4/5 class. My husband tried to find a middle ground that I could help his sister find the resources and order them but wouldn’t be responsible for day to day planning and organizing. That wasn’t good enough for SIL who wants everything in a binder for the week with lesson plans, directions and all materials printed and prepared.

SIL is saying it’s my duty as a family member to help educate her son and by refusing I’m denying him an education. The child currently has a spot at the public school I teach in but she disagrees with a lot of school policies and the child has special needs that need specific instructional methods I’m not trained in.

AITAH for refusing to help homeschool my nephew when I don’t have the training to do a good job?

Titel sagt denke ich alles, ich fand die Mannschaft und die Fans unmöglich. Nicht nur der Wolfsgruß, auch die Fanaufmärsche, Autokorsos und das unsportliche Verhalten (vor allem die unerträglichen Pfeifkonzerte).

BidA, weil ich mich über das EM-Aus der Türkei freue?

I am not The OOP, OOP is

I (25f) discovered my bf (28m) of 3 years is cheating. Tonight is the biggest night of his life. Help me.

  June 8, 2015

I won't go into all the gory details of our relationship. We were in love, and well, I still love him. But I found out, clearly he does not.

I discovered proof that he has been cheating on me for a while, in the form of small home movies of them. I don't know the girl, and from the looks of their conversations (yep, went ahead and post-discovery snooped), she has no idea I exist.

Tonight is the biggest night of my BF's life. He's receiving a state award at a big dinner with a few hundred people attending, from his Mom & Dad to councilmen and all of that. In fact, the only reason I discovered this transgression is because I have been putting together a little video for him to enjoy of some of the key moments of his life. You know, typical sappy shit.

I'm burdened with a lot of power right now, and I don't know if I have it in me to do the right thing. Or if I even know the right thing. I'm blinded with tears of rage and sadness and betrayal -- but at the same time, I love him, have loved him, and do I really want to do this?

The relationship is over, no doubt about it. I am not a woman who will take her man cheating on her, certainly not. That's not the issue.

The issue is... there are cutesy selfies of the two of them. A lot of them, only shared between the two of them. Nothing lewd (there's plenty of that on camera, though).

Do I sneak one in the snap reel as a way of letting him know that I know?

Or do I simply confront him after his moment in the sun passes?

I'm not going to pick up everything and leave without cutting contact. That's not my style and it wouldn't make me feel good, just very sad.

Do I do the bitchy thing for once in my life? To anyone looking at the snap reel, it would just look like a picture of him and a friend. But to him, and to me, it would be a private message, an outing.

Help me, Reddit. I don't know what to do this time.

tl;dr: Found out BF was cheating on me, and have the power to let him know via slipping a photo of the two of them into the snap reel showing tonight. Should I do it, or gracefully exit his life?

RELEVANT COMMENTS

bibabeep

nah, you know what? if there's really nothing that anyone would pick up on other than the two of you, you slip that photo into the slideshow. make eye contact with him when the photo appears on screen. then, when it's over, you stand up and walk out.

it ain't the high road, but nobody needs to walk the high road all the time.

OOP

I chuckled. I think the only reason I would do this is to make eye contact with him so that he knows I know. But I'm not sure I have the guts to do that. I'm not exactly Olivia Pope.

  July 22, 2015 (6 weeks later)

Original Post:

Original TLDR: Found out BF was cheating on me, and have the power to let him know via slipping a photo of the two of them into the snap reel showing tonight. Should I do it, or gracefully exit his life?

Well, it's been a month and a half since this all went down. I have gotten so many requests for an update and I never intended to actually give one, honestly, because I was afraid of the fallout depending on what I ended up doing.

So what did I do? I did the immature, vengeful thing. And I don't regret it. I took a few photos of the two of them -- tasteful photos that gave off no indication other than she might be a childhood friend. I slipped them into the snap reel. And I spoke kindly of him at the podium, then after my turn was finished, I walked out.

I drove home feeling calm and in control. Twenty minutes later, the texts started. Where did I go? What did I know? Where did I find the photos? Was there more in store for him?

I texted him, "I know you've been fucking her. But there are no more photos." There weren't any, and of course I left it at that.

He didn't come home that night.

Or the next.

The next day, he called me to ask me if we could meet and talk at a public location. I agreed to meet him at Starbucks. I arrived early, waited for him. He showed up a few minutes late and took the seat across from me.

He started right off with the excuses, how it "just happened" and he regrets it fully, she doesn't mean anything to him, and that she looked like a girl he had a crush on in high school and he was powerless against his teenaged self.

I didn't interrupt him, just let him have his time. When he was done and looking at me for a sign of what might happen next, all I could say was, "So where did you stay the past few nights?"

"Her house."

"And what did you do?"

He wouldn't answer. There hadn't been any doubt in my mind. Really. I knew I was leaving him. He talked over himself, apologizing, begging for forgiveness, saying he'd change.

I told him that I didn't want him to have to change himself. That if who he was, naturally, was someone who cheated on his girlfriend, then that's not someone I wanted to be with.

He said that he was thinking of proposing to me, and all I could say after that was "Good thing I found out before."

Fast forward to a few weeks later. He's moved out, and I am doing well. We have cut off contact. People ask me about him all the time, and I just let them know, "He left me for a girl who looked like his high school crush."

So that's the end. We are broken up. We are never, ever, ever getting back together. I don't feel any regret for how I handled it. Like one commenter said, there's no need to take the high road all the time.

tl;dr: I added the photos to the snap reel. He saw them. We broke up, and are never getting back together. I don't regret my choice, only that I wasted three years with an overgrown child.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

Just found this sub while procrastinating on some work I still need to do, which is the ideal Reddit experience.

So me (34f) and my brother (46m), have generally had our ups and downs with our parents (and with each other if we're being honest). Growing up, our folks definitely didn't always make the best choices and I think as a result we've all grown into VERY different people. That's not even getting into politics; if you were to put the four of us on a political alignment map, one of us would be somewhere within each of the four corners. I'm not going to waste time explaining where that puts each person because its not really relevant, but the last ~8 years of USAmerican political discourse hasn't helped things, and we've mostly stayed off in our own worlds because trying to cross those streams outside of polite life updates gets dangerous...

A few years ago my brother and our mom got into a REALLY bad argument. They live states away, so much of this took place over Facebook (I know, right?), or in phone calls, and I've already had enough family drama with both of them that I didn't want to know more about whatever petty stuff set each of them off. I did find out from my mom that my brother had ended their last call by telling her to "eat a bag of dicks".

My parents both consider this extremely disrespectful, and my mom is pissed. However, she also has a sense of humor and she decides she's not going to let him have the last word.

So, my 60-something mother is out shopping, and passes a party supply store advertising bachelorette party favors. This gives her an idea, and she walks out of there with a massive bulk bag of....tiny gummy dicks. She ships it off in a package for my brother with all the wrapping and accoutrements of an apology gift, and in the bottom is a note that says "Dig in!"

My brother and his girlfriend thought this was so funny that the beef was squashed like, instantly.

Mom and Brother have had other arguments too over the years, but if anyone wants to know, last year the two of them took a trip just for them to go visit extended family. I was nervous that one of them would end up shoved out of an airplane before they even got there, but I was pleasantly surprised at the end of their trip when both of them individually sent me messages about how healing the trip was for their relationship and as far as I can tell, they're actually in a good place right now. My mom is coming to visit next week, so writing this and sharing with the Reddit is a good reminder to me on how best to handle Family Drama. Wish me luck next week!

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/TruthInfinite8073 posting on

Concluded as it seems

LONG POST

- June 25, 2024

- July 1st, 2024

- July 6th, 2024

Trigger Warnings: narcissists parents, emotional abuse, financial abuse, golden child x scapegoat dynamics.

Mood Spoiler: sad for the fianceé, but she is hopeless. OOP has learned that he can't set himself on fire to keep others warm.

AITAH for wanting to leave my finacee due to her abusive family?

Ive been dating my fiancee for 4 years and have been engaged for 7 months. We are trying to plan out a wedding for roughly Fall next year.

Her childhood was terrible and abusive to put it mildly. Her parents were raging narcissists and she was the scapegoat for her 2 brothers. She was abused and thrown out the moment she turned 18. She was however, a great student and hard worker, so with some scholarships and a part time job, she has a great career and is pretty independent.

The problem is though, is that she still had contact with her family. None of them have changed...well actually something has changed; they have become more financially dependent on her. They enjoy slowly creeping back into her life and emotionally blackmailing her for support or whatever she can do. They're not pleasant about it either. They're rude, smug, and generally enjoy being a nuisance. And my fiancee can't say no. No matter the horrible things they say or how they outright try and intimidate her openly.

I've always known her family history and have always supported her through the issues with them, but in the last year or so they've become far more brazen and asinine. They come over to our house more often, they make messes all around the place. Her mother acts like she's the fucking stepmother from Cinderella. Her dad drinks all my fucking beer and empties out half the fridge. Her brothers stop by occasionally to act as mouthpieces for their parents. They practically trash the place and leave us to clean the mess.

And where is my fiancee in all this? Quietly standing in the corner practically shaking. I'm no fool here, there is legitimate trauma. There's her need to feel loved by them and her hoping they will appreciate her. Before one of you noble commenters states the obvious, she's been in therapy for this for years.

I've tried to establish boundaries. For nearly 2 years I've been trying to push these assclowns away. But this is her house she purchased, and no matter of contributions financial of otherwise will she let me have a say on who comes into her house. She's been beaten down mentally and emotionally by them for so long. She has told me recently that she wants to earn their approval. How they were right about her. How she needs to be better for them. I've had too many emotional conversations with tears and begging to count, hoping she will take the steps to get better. But she's an adult. I can't force her to do anything.

I love her, but I can't help but feel so resentful of what she's doing. It's agonizing watching someone you love, someone who you know deserves so much better, openly destroy themselves for people like her family. it's been painful watching her cry herself to sleep one too many night because of them.

I've tried too many times to help her get out of their clutches. But I have to think of the future. Hhat happens when we have kids? What happens when she is postpartum and invites them over? What happens if their is a medical emergency for either of us? What if our finances get tight and they still demand money?

This is the in law family from Hell and I won't be able to avoid them. Tomorrow I'm going to tell her how I want to delay the wedding until firm boundaries are established. If she resents I walk. I can't do it anymore. I refuse to watch a slow death like this any further.

UPDATE: Talked to her and it went about as well as one could possibly expect. Currently getting myself set up in a hotel for a few days and working on possible long term plans for moving out. Still alot going on right now but maybe sometime next week I'll be able to pit everything together into one update

[1ST UPDATE]

The night after I made the first post I had decided that I was going to have a heart to heart with my finacee about her family. However, she came back from work the next day early and I already was off that day so i initiated the talk a little sooner than I planned

Essentially, I told her how this arrangement was not sustainable, I did not feel comfortable marrying her due to how much involvement in her life her fanily has, and I certainly did not feel comfortable bringing a child into this world with them. I didn't want to tell her cold turkey no contact with them, but strict limitations to start with on then coming over, and what they can do around the house. I also requested couples therapy before marriage. She wasn't happy. She was just staring angrily at me while I spoke then started yelling at me when I finished

She told me I don't understand their dynamic ad it worked for her. I told her that they're abusive users who will bleed her dry and I have never seen them showany decency to her. She told me she just had to work harder for them to appreciate her. I basically yelled at her that a parents child shouldn't have to beg and plead and "work" for them to be loved. I finally told her that she sets limits with them or I walk

She was livid and since I was living in her house I was kicked out. So the past few days I have been staying in a hotel and have had my stuff taken out and put into storage. And frankly, it's been great. I am going to stay with family for a few weeks around mid July and after that I am going to go house searching for myself. I have spent the last couple days relaxing, catching up on movies and video games I haven't had time for, and could go back from work to a quiet room without her family tearing the place apart.

Yesterday however things came to a head. We have basically been no contact since she booted me out, but I know every Saturday her family loves to spend the afternoon over and she uses me as a shield from their abuse. However in a very petty move I simply kept my phone muted all day and played Disco Elysiun. I knew she would call back for help with her family and at this point pure resentment was kicking in for her and I wanted nothing yo due with her issues

By the end of the night she had sent me over a dozen texts and finally 2 frantic voicemails begging me to come home. I decided to come over to check up on her. Long story short she was sobbing in the living room and when I came to talk to her she was practically crushing my back hugging me and sobbing. I gave her time to cool off and asked what happened.

Long story short, her parents and brother came by to gift money from her and say horrible shit to her. She wanted to have me come over to help but I was ignoring her, and when she tried to have one of her friends help out and everyone basically said "fuck that", it all started clicking in for her. She kicked her family out but not before they said some utterly vile shit to her I won't repeat. She kept apologizing to me and told me over and over to come home.

I told her plainly that I had started to build up heavy resentment towards her for some time and while I loved her and understand it was trauma and not her being outright abusive, there was major issues that would need to he addressed if we were to move forward.

1. She sells the house and moves. We make roughly the same amount of money and we will buy a house together. I am a grown ass man and I will not live in a house I have no equal agency over

2. Her family will never step a foot in it. They will never come over. They will be treated by me in a very threatening manner if they try and come in

3. She gets a new therapist and we start pre marital counseling

4. She never makes me interact with her family

5. We will go LC with her family right now but make no mistake we are working towards full NC on her end.

I told her I love her, we have been together for a while now and have beautiful memories together and I know she is suffering from abuse, but these are non negotiable and if she has a problem with any of them then we have to go out separate ways.

She told me she's realized for a while now that her family is toxic and unhealthy she wants to make changes. She has accepted but some of these will take a while to see through

For now I am going to stay in the hotel until I head back to stay with my family. She is welcome to come over but I have made it clear her house is not somewhere I want to go. Her and I are both off tomorrow so we will spend the day here and maybe go out. This is obviously not over yet but I might not post anything else until Mid August or so

[2nd UPDATE]

Despite all intentions of not updating until much later with the hopes of an improved relationship with my fiancee and her establishing boundaries with her toxic family, we are now broken up.

Essentially what happened was after last weekend where I left her for the time to deal with them herself, she seemed to finally grasp the situation and was open to changes including boundaries and a possible move. We spent Monday and Tuesday hanging out in my hotel that I was staying in until I went back to my family for a couple weeks.

The other night she was being very vague with texting when she originally was supposed to come over. She came much later than expected and I knew something was up

She basically unloaded on me how I was abusive, controlling, overly demanding, and unsupportive. It took me 5 fucking seconds to figure out she was repeating verbatim some sort of rehearsed speech from her parents. And to be honest, I was so agitated at this point despite making a huge gamble on her I decided to be a prick about it

I asked her if her family told her to say this. She said they suggested it to her but she came up with it herself (suuuurrreee). I asked her to explain in detail what I did. She said I was living like a parasite off her. I reminded her that I'm paying 50/50 for HER fucking mortgage, 50/50 for utilities and groceries as well. I have my own car I pay for. A job that makes just about as much as hers, unlike her fucking leech parents who demand payments on the weekly and raid the kitchen on the weekends. I told her to try again with something better

She looked flustered and said I was trying to isolate her. I kinda smirked like a jackass and told her that I have always supported her many friendships that she has destroyed on her own because no one wants to deal with her family or be used as a shield like me

I was practically demanding to know at this point why she is so hellbent on destroying her life for these people. She just kinda shouted that I don't understand her family and she's just trying to earn their love back and was bascially ranting at that point.

It's just so staggering to see up close. I have ventured into a few subreddits to get perspectives, and if you have any familiarity with them you'll see how people who are victims of abuse by their own family can be so utterly broken by it that it'll wreck their brain to where they truly believe they are the problem and they deserve the abuse. Well, that's how she was. She was utterly broken and didn't want help. She didn't want to get better, she just wanted to get worse.

It hit me like a truck honestly, the realization. I really did feel like a fool for trying, even if it was what I was supposed to do in the first place. She was practically berserk at this point and I was just mentally exhausted and needed her to leave before someone called the police. She finally left but I had a few concerned neighbors check on me.

Some of her friends are aware as they have messaged me checking on the situation. I told them the truth and that I just needed to be alone to think what to do next right now. They have revealed that she has given them similar rants after they expressed concern for her. One had even heard that she may be possibly at risk of losing her job. She is definitely having some sort of mental break. From my understanding, she is now completely isolated.

She is actually sprinting into a horrible lonely life right now. There's nothing I can do for her at this point and as selfish as it sounds I'm just glad it's going to be behind me

Firstly I will preface this did not happen to me. It involves a long time friend who said she is happy for me to post this as long as I change the names. I just felt it was too funny not to share.

So she is married to a guy we will call Ryan 31 And my friend we will call nicole 28 I've known her since we were 19 as we used to live in a sharehouse with other people and have stayed in contact mostly due to my wife becoming besties with her. But i did know her first.
Now Ryan wanted to go to a strip show. We live in a small city that doesn't normally have strip shows so this was a one off like a travelling sort of deal they had set up in a bar that was owned by the local bikies and were doing a big show for one night only.

Nicole said no way you are not going but he wouldn't take no for an answer so Nicole just said fine go but ill make sure you regret this.... He decided to chance that.

She ended up getting in contact with the owners of the bar who thought her plan was funny and said she could do it as long as she told security first.

She went to the strip show and got on stage and did a full nude strip as a guest performer..... (and btw she was not a sex worker or anything she works in an office)

apparently he stormed out partway through and she packed up as soon as he did.

And they had a big fight about it afterwards but they both apologized and he has NEVER asked to go to a strip show again...