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I (23f) started dating my boyfriend (John-24m) 3 years and 8 months ago, but we had known each other for a year before.
We had a ‘situationship’ thing going on for a few months before officially dating. It was clear to the other that we had feelings for each other. One night, I got tired of being given non-answers and I confronted him over text. I told him to give me a yes or no answer; does he want to be in a relationship with me. I told him that if he said no, then we should go our separate ways because I wouldn’t be able to get over my feelings for him if we continued to talk and I felt like it was becoming unhealthy for me. He said yes.
It’s been almost 4 years now and I’m planning our anniversary and was trying to covertly figure out what he wanted without giving it away. At one point, he snapped at me (something he’s never done) and told me to ‘get out of his face’. I felt hurt but I chalked it up to him having longer hours at work and his mum being sick and the stress that must cause.
Later that day I asked him if he was ok and he said no. He had been thinking about our relationship. He dropped the bombshell that he ‘felt forced’ to say yes to dating because he ‘didn’t want to lose you [me]’ but wasn’t sure about dating. He said it was manipulative of me to say that if he says no, we should part ways and not talk anymore, when that wasn't what he wanted. He said he thought he could force himself to like being in a relationship. He said that after a year, he got used to the routine and having someone around. He said he doesn’t like going out for dates because it makes him think of relationships, so he always pushed for nights in.
He said he loved me so much but isn’t suited for a relationship. But my question is… why did he stay for so long? I can’t imagine forcing myself to be with someone I didn’t want to be for 4 years. And he never acted like this was his feelings; he would bring up marriage a lot, saying we should look at rings and venues. We planned on getting a dog and moving apartments.
My world has been turned upside down. What do I even say to all this? He just said it all and then went about his day like it was nothing. How do I even proceed with all this?
