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The Grand Tour S03E02 "Colombia Special Part 1" - Discussion thread

S03E02 Colombia Special Part 1

In a special episode, Clarkson, Hammond and May clatter across Colombia in a Jeep Wrangler, a Chevrolet Silverado pick-up and a Fiat Panda 4x4 as they attempt to capture high quality images of interesting animals to be used as Amazon’s new screensavers, encountering epic scenery, extreme peril, weird hobbies and even some actual animals along the way.

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I was waiting for a shot of Hammond doing a dump when they were looking through the panther photos!

Check the credits of episode 2

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Yep, that's the joke I was waiting for. Also kind of expected an anteater in the background when they started looking at the map (glad they didn't go for that low hanging fruit, lol).

Maybe it was the joke that was just too obvious? I was sure we were going to see Hammond squatting in front of a camera.

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Same! I was just thinking in my head that he'd have tripped it.

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“Every single lightweight socialist in Britain has been in this car.”

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Shots fired

Can you explain that joke to me?

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Basically he means that every left-leaning socialist is all talk and no action

But he mentioned Tony Blair, who I definitely wouldn't call a socialist.

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I'm getting some serious old-school Top Gear special vibes here

I also have a feeling I know exactly where they're going to find the hippos. Cocaine kingpin Pablo Escobar had his own private zoo before he was killed, and a lot of the animals escaped including his hippos. They're now living and thriving in Colombia, so I reckon that's what they'll go and see.

I also have a feeling I know exactly where they're going to find the hippos

Vox Borders ruined this for me

I love vox borders. Wish the episodes were longer.

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Apparently, feral hippos are a real problem now.

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Hammond’s step ladder is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.

The unmentioned Yankee Candle air fresheners (plural) too..,

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Seeing those Yankee Candle air freshers make me laugh every time I see them

For non-americans who aren't aware Yankee Candle is a brand of overpriced slightly high end candles and fragrances. Common item for housewives to buy for their kitchen. Seeing a Yankee candle air fresher on THAT kind of truck is extremely amusing.

we get Yankee Candle in the UK

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I wonder what's making his truck smell that he needs all those air freshners for!

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Oh my fucking god the donkeys.

I am crying. What in the shit was that?!?!

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I don’t know if it’s a joke or totally true. I honestly couldn’t tell. But I’m dying holy shit.

Edit: My Colombian friend has confirmed this is real thing. He grew up in Medellin and this is very specific to the north coast.

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They must have had some idea of what they were getting into. It doesn't seem like a random stop, but, he did seem seriously pissed.

I mean clearly the production team had to know about this practice in the area. There's no way that was an accidental stop.

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Because he had a pet donkey

Awwww :)

Jeremy if you read this, I like you even more for having a pet donkey

Named Paddington

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Three actually. Jeffrey, Eddie and Kristin Scott Donkey.

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I think those other guys like them more

There is a whole vice documentary on this.

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Venezuelan here. This is totally common in South America. Literally there is a saying that goes as follow "El que no a cojido burra no a tenido infancia".

Stop right there...I'm Colombian from Quindio....that shit is strictly done by the Costenos on the north coast....we just fuck our distant cousins.

Yes he made a point that other South American countries do it but I felt Venezuela already has enough problems we could just let Colombia lose this one

I assume you have never fucked a donkey 🤔 You weird gringos.

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I have to hope it was a joke! How the translator didn't burst out laughing I'll never know!

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She did almost when Jeremy asked.

I understand enough Spanish to know that she was actually translating the questions.

And the locals confirmed it was normal, allegedly.

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She looked like she was barely keeping it together

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It is true. There's a documentary from Vice about it.

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They would be in big trouble if it was a joke and not 100% factual.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_VKWLC87Uzw

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I live 1-2 hours away, it’s very real, but in rural areas such as those, not everywhere. Urban city people think it’s funny.

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I went on the internet... and I found this.

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Oh my fucking god the donkeys.

Ftfy

thats fucking disgusting. i share jezzas anger.

So they don’t have sex with male donkeys, that would be what, weird?

I legit paused it right now cause I’m laughing so hard. Someone has GOT to make Jeremy’s reaction into a gif.

I do feel bad that it was anger on Jeremy’s face because he had a pet donkey but my god that was hysterical

I immediately googled that and couldn’t believe it was real. Like seriously wtf...

Colombian here... Yes, rural Costeños engage in donkey fucking. It's their tradition.

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Colombian here, yes. It is in fact true, however this only happens on rural areas. Us people who live I the city are also astonished that someone would do something like that.

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Vice did a while story on that place.

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He's a Brit.

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Do they not believe in sunscreen?

What’s the sun?

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You know, it’s that thing that makes the clouds look all glowy. Though don’t ever be afraid if you ever see a blue sky with a bright orb. That’s what most of the world calls a “nice day”. Just slab some sunscreen on and try not to look at the orb. It’s super bad for your eyes.

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The only thing that shines so bright to require sunscreen - is the might of The British Empire.

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This is the first episode that I think is truly indistinguishable from the old Top Gear, besides the better shots

Really did feel like proper old school Top Gear. I am very very happy.

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I absolutely loved that they used the Tg reference of lgbt-lesbian gay bacon and tomato.

You missed the ice cream.

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That’s the angriest I’ve ever seen James or Jeremy

I came here to say this. It looked like they were really angry with James almost getting the hood in the head and the way Jeremy fired the rock back at him. And when Jeremy was yelling “USE YOUR MIRRORS!”

I couldn't believe it. Someone in South America throwing rocks at a television presenter? It's unheard of!

Typically it happens around Tierra Del Fuego though

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They made up like instantly though, guess that's how they remain friends.

i went back and watched Jeremy yelling that a few times, the hand movements and pointing were hilarious

Hammond defusing the situation by backing into Jeremy was sheer genius.

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Also Hammond looked really pissed when Jeremy was blocking him at the end of the bridge. He wasn't up for any games at that point and just wanted to be off that crazy bridge!

From here that looked like a downright panic attack, rather than anger. He's visibly sweating (could be the heat) and shaking like that; I deal with those from time to time and it was way too familiar looking.

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In the Q&A, he said that was by far the most afraid he had been while filming this season. And with that truck on that bridge? I don’t blame him.

Where's the Q&A?

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Yep, I've seen them angry at each other on the specials before but on this instance you could FEEL it. Wow.

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The heat gets to you. I've worked outdoors in 40+ C temperatures and when you're dehydrated despite drinking a bottle of water every 15 minutes...it's easy to get pissed off at things that you'd let go usually.

i think its cause james actually really likes the panda.

I figured it was because the hood was seriously close to hitting him in the head. He's not a stranger to head injury after all.

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So happy to see Jeremy finally getting a chance to be himself.

That was actually one of their better recurring gags. It's no "So does that mean he's not coming on?", but still a nice one!

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So happy for him. I mean that’s a hard thing to do. I bet it’s nice for him now that it’s all out in the open now.

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“Not paying attention, Hammond?” Nearly killed me. It was so dead pan

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1,5 episodes into the new series and it already hit the “stuff that’s surely gonna offend someone” point, and it was hilarious

the part with the cameras was hilarious

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Hammonds setup wasn’t actually far off. It’s just that a real wildlife photographer prepares the correct lens before shooting and actually knows his equipment though.

Why he thought to bring a macro lens was a bit odd, but depending on what your shooting, your gonna bring two camera bodies. One with a long lens and the other a prime and switch out as needed.

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Not related to the episode, but god damn this show is beautiful in 4K!

I was thinking that as well. Amazon really knew what they were doing when they required them to do that.

I've paused the show a few times just to take in the magnificent camera work. I bought a 4k TV for this show, and while other shows are amazing as well, The Grand Tour really is phenomenal.

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"Oh, I just remembered. I've got a Jaguar in my boot, shall I let that out?"

Lmfao 🤣🤣🤣

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May sometimes comes out with the funniest shit. I don't know how scripted those bits are, but those are hilarious.

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I lost it at LGBJeep

“Pick Up Trump”

Richard trailer trash trump Hammond

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JGBJeremy is amazing

Is this really how the Wrangler is viewed in the UK??

They made the same allusions about May's Suzuki in Bolivia.

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Yes.. very much yes.

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JC eating ice cream in the LBGT jeep was a reference to hammonds “only gays eat ice cream” statement from series 2.

With the buttocks in the background.

Not to mention the shape of the ice cream that he was licking....

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Yeah,I laughed hard on that

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the recurring bit about not being aware of cocaine is making me wonder what happens when they find a hippo and have to explain who pablo escobar is

An extremely successful shrimp and forest products entrepreneur.

Well, he also had the most productive taxi service in the world. With 4 taxis he was making billions of dollars.

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He was a major exporter of co....ffee.

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The bit with the rocks and then Hammond crashing in to Jeremy. Made me cry with laughter

They looked really angry at each other at that point.

You can see that was not scripted, lol.

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From animal photography taking a hard left into Bestiality. Clarkson’s Rear Window remake is a weird one.

James May throwing a rock at Clarkson may be the greatest thing of all time.

That surprised the hell out of me. May is chill but only to a point.

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I really enjoy the episode.

As a Colombian, I laughed a lot with references to the “exports” and the GAK company.

I confirm, is true the -ejhm- particular relationship between some people of the north coast and the donkeys.

I can’t wait for the second part to see them in the volcanoes and looking for the hippos of Pablo Escobar

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Cocaine slang

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"The liberal sensible people like me"- Jeremy Clarkson's Secret Mind Control Russian Sleeper Agent Phrase

I genuinely believe that’s the best episode of the grand tour yet, absolutely loved it.

Yes, and by miles. No wonder season 4 is going to be all specials.

I didn't even know there was going to be a fourth season until your comment

Yeap! They confirmed that for the 4th season they're essentially ditching the tent and doing these epic road trip specials we all love.

I would love for them to do Japan

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Jaaaaags would like a shot at the crown.

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I fucking died when Hammond backed into Jeremy. The way he just said “HAMMOND, YOU FUCKING MORON” just killed me. Worst yet, I’m suffering from the flu so laughing causes a cough which makes it feel like my lungs are ejecting themselves.

For which I proceeded to replay the scene a few more times 😂

Jeremy and James being absolutely pissed off while Hammond is just laughing his ass off after backing into Clarkson was quite possibly the best thing in Grand Tour to date.

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Was anybody else expecting a Jaguar gag where Jeremy finds and photographs a Jaguar car? Some of those banana and shrimp merchants must be rich enough to drive a Jaaaaaaaaaaaaag.

The whole time all I was thinking was "Do they expect me to believe they're actually going to photograph a jaguar?"

And then the twist was they actually did!

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That camera lens is so Jeremy.

It costs more than the Jeep

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'The starter keeps engaging while the engine is running'

I cringed thinking about all the missing teeth and loose bits of steel bouncing around in there.

It's a Chevy, it's used to it.

Lol. They must have gotten that fixed.... I was imagining just how bad would be to try going up into the wilds there with most of the teeth gone from the flywheel.

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Edgar Hussein 😂

Legit lost it at that one. Don't really know why but this episode has had me laughing my arse off several times, just the timing and the chemistry seems to be back on, even the tense moments are funny.

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As an owner of an Amazon Fire Stick, does anyone think that Amazon will put the pictures from the special that they took and use them as screensaver images? I think it would be hilarious.

It seems you really want those donkey pics.

I think you are talking about the animal photos which would be hysterical. But I think I have already seen some of the landscape photos. Either that, or they are very similar.

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Richard J. Cheeseburger Trailer Trash Trump Hammond III

Saddams other son, Edgard Hussein Paddington

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I always wonder what is genuine and what is written in the script.

Which is exactly how it should be. We know a lot of what happens is scripted, but the show is at its best when the scripted stuff doesn't feel scripted.

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I lost it at the step ladder. Can't wait for part 2.

I didn't get the thing with James' car being Tony Blair's. Can someone explain it for a confused American, please?

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It was a dig at wealthy upper middle class Brits who have holiday homes in exotic Mediterranian locations who think they're being socially conscious by driving a small cheap car and being deeply concerned about world poverty and hunger as they continue living their luxurious lifestyles.

Oh, okay. I thought I was missing out on a political joke! Thank you!

For context: Blair was the leader of the Labour Party who took it from being actually left wing to more centrist

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This season has been fantastic so far

I'm thinking they are really hitting their stride as they make use of the "fast forward" data from Amazon streaming.

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Is this the special that was supposed to be part of last season, but got delayed because of Hammond's injury?

I believe so. Honestly I don’t mince that it was delayed because it turned out so good.

Yep, but irrc, the delay was because it just got out of hand. They meant it as a film clip for one episode, but as the film got longer (too much good content and filming opportunities), and the production time dragged on, they eventually just decided to save it for the next season.

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Are you thinking of the Mozambique episode? That’s the one that was meant to be a regular episode, but they had enough footage to stretch it out into a longer “special”. I remember Hammond saying that they were actually ahead of schedule at the time of his crash, and it was the combination of his injury and Clarkson’s pneumonia that caused the delay.

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They were fuckin those donkeys man, part of me wants to not believe , but the Spanish speaking side knows.......damnit Jeremy knew.

Whether Jeremy knew beforehand I'm not sure. But production would've 100 percent known.

Jeremy probably knew, I mean he probably didn't spot it by accident.

"Okay Jeremy, we've set up the next thing for you to photo over by that bush..."

Maybe. To be honest I'm not arsed, don't mind it being scripted like a lot of other people are.

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Poor Jeremy, having to witness that. He had genuine anger, since he owned a donkey.

Kristin Scott-Donkey

He actually owned 3 if I remember rightly

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“Should we get a small dog to tow it?”

And then using the Panda as an anchor.

The boys still have it!

Sponsored by Canon

Sponsored by Chevy

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“Is it a cold day?” made me honestly laugh out loud.

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I love how it premieres technically “early” in America. Fantastic.

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It’s release based off GMT correct?

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It's an hour early in the UK too.

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That was some beautiful cinematography. And the jokes and everything. This is bound the become a road trip classic episode.

Also AFAIK the first time they ever had a Jeep (at least a Wrangler) in either TGT or Top Gear IIRC.

Wrangler yes.They had a Grand Cherokee in the final episode of TG

Right - that sport SUV thing that went a bit south behind the scenes...

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Between LGBJeep and Trump Truck, this was well worth the price of admission 😂

Jeremy, why do we have to go?

Clarkson: 😯

How James and Richard are able to run their cars with UK and US license plates in Colombia? (I didn't see any license plate in Jeremy's Jeep).

They probably call ahead and get permission, maybe even mark out the specific route and time of day that they'll be driving on public roads.

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You can drive your car to other countries. That's not a problem.

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I absolutely died laughing with Jeremy and the donkey bit. It was freaking great.

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Bloody phenomenal first part to the special. Had me in stitches multiple times throughout, really looking forwards to part 2 as judging by the small trailer at the end of this episode thats where the majority of the trails and tribulations are.

Should be a bloody corker.

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Wrangler is a popular LGBT car?

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Many of those didn’t surprise me. Wrangler did just because most I know who own them are in 3 categories:

  1. Twenty-something girl

  2. Adventure car

  3. Alpha Male who has adorned it with a lift and some sort of Punisher or military themed sticker job

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Or that absolutely idiotic frowning face put onto current Wranglers by imbeciles with no class.

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For anyone interested in the location where you can find hippos in Columbia, there is a short (~8min) documentation about it https://youtu.be/R_ViOLgvsuY

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The fucking subtle drug trade joke when they met at the beach I knew it would be a good episode.

I’m not sure it was that subtle!

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"I'm sorry I threw a rock at you."
"I'm sorry I ran into your car." (I bet he's not though)

I can’t believe how much trouble the went to for a joke about floating cocaine. How was hammonds truck really floating? How did they get it out there? How did they know it would ever start again?

Maybe they switched bundles? Dummy package far out, cut away to the real truck after it's pushed out to the water line and wrapped up?

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Jeremy why'd we have to go?

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Could anyone else read that guys lips in the background when Jeremy was paying the other guy for knocking his fruit over with the Jeep?

I can't read lips but I swear I heard something that sounded like 'luck you'. Or something like that.

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man i missed the old guys, this was nostalgic as hell