Q&As

My niece (26F) has her wedding in a month, and she wants me to give her away at her wedding. Her father passed away when she was really young, and I felt a moral obligation to help my sister and her daughter, because my sister too helped me a lot growing up. 

I knew I had an obligation to my wife and children primarily, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t help out my sister and her daughter too. Since they lived just 10 minutes from us, I tried to be as physically active as possible in my niece’s life when she growing up. My wife and I have had a few arguments on it over the years. I have also been sending money to my sister every month for the past decade or so. It is from my individual account, not the joint account my wife and I share, so I have full liberty to spend it however I want. But my wife does know about it, and we have had arguments on this too.  

Now coming to the point, my niece wants me to give her away at her wedding next month. But my wife thinks it’s very weird and she doesn’t want me to do it. I told my wife there’s nothing weird about it, and her opinion on this is irrelevant. We have had lot of discussions on this over the past week, and I am made to feel like a bad guy by my wife.

Am I the bad guy? Am I the AH if I were to give my niece at her wedding?

My mother in law (55F) lives with me (30F), my husband (29M), and our three kids (SS7), my daughter (6), and our daughter (1).

Some info, his mom is around but he only sees her maybe 2 days a month. All the kids needs and wants comes out of my paycheck.

The issue is my MIL has what I consider an unhealthy attachment to my SS. She's to the point where she's obsessed with him.

He can do nothing wrong in her eyes. He sleeps in bed with every night even though he definitely has his own bed. If I tell him to do something he doesn't want to do or she doesn't think he should do, she either does it for him or throws a fit saying he shouldn't have to.

The breaking point was last night when I told the kids to go to bed and specified they needed to go get in their own bed. My SS went and got in my MIL bed. I told him he needed to go get in his bed. He threw a fit saying she said he could and she's screaming saying that he always sleeps with her.

I ended up winning that argument but then I hear her talking to my husband saying "he's only slept in his bed one night this summer. He always sleeps with me." Then I made the comment that he's going to sleep in his bed every night once school starts and she laughs and goes "no he's not." I was so angry at that point I just walked away.

Then I hear him in his bedroom saying that when I go to bed she'll come get him. He said that I'm going to get mad and she goes "I don't care!"

At that point I told my husband I'm not parenting him anymore. I'll still help with him but I'm not parenting. She can pay for and bring him to all his extra curriculars, she can get him up and bring him to school, she can buy all his school clothes and supplies. If he wants to stay up till 5am, so be it. If he wants to eat nothing but microwave Ramen, I'm done fighting it.

My husband told me that SS is going to be the one to end up suffering for it and I responded with telling him that I can't take the constant walking on egg shells in my house and the stress so I'm washing my hands of this.

So AITAH for saying I'm not parenting my SS?

I live a 2 minute walk away from my parents. My Aunt is visiting, and plans changed last minute for an event to happen today instead of tomorrow. My parents tried calling me at 9 a.m twice, and when I didn't answer (I wear earplugs to bed because my cats do cat things at night), my Dad decided to just come on in at 9:30. My dog, who was in my room with me, started to loose his mind which woke me up. I sleep naked. After pulling out my earplugs I could tell that there was someone in my house, and obviously I was terrified. I grabbed my intruder blaster and poked my head out of my bedroom door to my Dad in my living room. I was still half asleep, so I don't exactly know what I yelled at him besides "Of course I didn't answer you! It's 9 in the morning!" And "Get out! I'm naked, what is wrong with you? Get out!" But I feel bad now. After he left I tried to call back my mom but she didn't answer. Eventually I got a text from her "apologizing" for scaring me but apparently they were just so worried that I hadn't answered their calls and texts at 9 a.m on a Sunday that they had come over, and had been knocking on my door and my windows before deciding to come in. I texted her back saying that I didn't know what about my Aunt coming down to visit made them lose their manners about my house (they acted up in a different way last year when she came to visit), but that they needed to cool it. I did not go to the event because no further information was given to me after they left. I assume that they had intended to come pick me up this morning so that we could carpool, but when I yelled at them they decided to go without me. I could have driven myself if they had given me the time and address where we could meet. I'm pissed because I missed out on a beach trip with friends to see my Aunt, little cousin, and nephew this weekend, and just like last year they're acting like everyone should bend over backwards to accommodate them for their last minute decisions. EDIT: They do have a key to my house.

Buckle up guys, this will be kinda long.

So I (27F) have a younger brother, Mike (21M). He is the definition of a man child and a mama’s boy, always complaining, always expecting others to bow to him. Just, overall, an asshole. Ever since he was born, my parents fussed over him for everything. He’s not special needs, or had a traumatic birth or anything of the sort. He was just… born. And my parents completely discarded me. My mom (50F) especially. She went from a loving mother to one of those boy moms that people make fun of on the internet. My father (50M) still showed me love and support, but he’s always been too much of a coward to stand up to my mother and let me win at least once. The only one who stood for me was my grandpa (76M), who always called my parents out on their bullshit, and never liked my brother. I remind him of his late wife, my grandma, and we have a very special bond, but he lives on the other side of the country and I could never see him often.

Mike knows our mom prefers him, and loves to shove it in my face. Because of this and his behavior, we’ve always been at odds. He’s spoiled, a brat and an awful human. I can’t remember how many times I ended up in trouble for things I did better than him or for things he framed me with. His only talent are his football skills. He won a scholarship to a nice college out of state. My parents didn’t spend a dime on my education because apparently my fund had been used to cover expenses after a fire, just for me to discover years later that said money were given to Mike to buy a car and a house.

It’s at public university that I met Lucas. He was the first person I was really drawn to there. Of course I met new people who are now my dearest friends, and thanks to them and Lucas, who was my best friend for years before we got together, I managed to move out of my parents’ house. Now both Lucas and I are well known in our fields and have very good salaries.

Now, to the main issue. Lucas proposed to me a year ago. We’re very private people, so we didn’t post it on social media or anything, and when I told my parents they dismissed it with a “that’s nice” (I’m starting to think they downright didn’t listen to me at all). We decided that we wanted a nice but simple ceremony and reception with our friends and relatives.

Lucas convinced me to invite my parents and brother, but they never responded to the invite. And whenever I went to visit and began to talk about my wedding (without mentioning it was a wedding), my mom would always speak over me and about my brother’s accomplishments and wild adventures. At one point I got fed up with it, and interrupted my mom to tell her that there was an event I was planning to organize, whose date was unmovable. She told me that they couldn’t attend, because my brother was playing the last game of the season that very same day, and wanted them to be there.

Of course, this favoritism didn’t surprise me: they missed my ballets, shows and both my high school and university graduation for things about him. At this point, i wanted to be petty. I told both my parents that it wasn’t a problem to miss this event, purposely omitted the fact that this event was my wedding, and didn’t insist further.

Flash forward to a few weeks ago, I got married. It was perfect. My family, Lucas’ family and our friends were all there, and we had a blast. My grandpa was happy to give me away, and it was just perfect. My relatives asked me multiple times why my parents weren’t there with us. I was honest and simply said they had my brother’s game to attend, and couldn’t come. They gave me a few looks, and my grandpa was visibly angry for a while, but otherwise nothing strange happened.

After the reception, Lucas and I left for our honeymoon, and were phone free for the whole duration of the trip. But once we got back, we discovered that a shit storm was welcoming us home. I turned my phone on, and was unable to even unlock it before a storm of notifications popped up. Most of them were from my mother and brother. Mike called me all sorts of nasty names and insulted me because, apparently, one of my paternal aunts posted the photos of the wedding on Facebook, and captioned it with a very obvious dig at my parents (especially my mom) for missing the wedding. The post apparently went viral in my parents’ community, and they’ve been publicly shamed for their mistreatment of me. It also turns out that my grandpa personally visited my parents to go on a tirade to shame my father, his son, to the point of tears. And this seemed to be my father’s breaking point, because he was so distraught for missing his only daughter’s wedding and for his father’s disapproval, that he finally rebelled against my mom and is threatening divorce unless she makes it up to me. I think that’s the reason why my mom has been spamming my phone with messages, at first insulting and threatening and then downright pitiful, full of begging and pity parties.

Now I’m at home with my husband, deciding how to approach the situation. Most of my relatives, even those I didn’t invite to the wedding, reached out to apologize for what I went through and to claim they had no idea this was happening at home (can’t blame any of my relatives, they all live with my grandpa on the other side of the country or in another state), but my mom’s sisters and friends are belittling me for not telling my mom about the wedding, because now she’s inconsolable at the thought of having missed my wedding. Personally I think she just claims that to save face, but I’m not sure.

The latest messages from my father and mother seem extremely saddened and hurt for missing my wedding. Now my family is divided on three fronts: the majority who is sticking by my side, my maternal aunts shaming me for hurting my mom’s feelings, and my maternal grandparents who are adamant that I forgive my mom in light of her “atonement”. My best friends are telling me not to listen to them.

So, Reddit, AITA?

Edit: Thank you so much for the feedback and love! It’s overwhelming! I’m going to address the popular questions here:

1. I did inform my parents about my wedding. I sent traditional on paper invites to all my guests, and was notified that all invites had reached their addressees. I did not receive any answer from my parents and Mike, a few very distant relatives, and some people on Lucas’ side. I did reach out to all of them through message to double check, and those who hadn’t replied told me they couldn’t come. I asked my parents and brother via text, but they didn’t respond. I was left on read. Knowing them and given all the things I had to plan, I didn’t bother insisting.

2. I didn’t repeat the date of my wedding because I had already been told there was my brother’s game. Plus, every time I insisted on highlighting my celebrations to get an answer, I was always told that it wasn’t that important and to not be pissy and a bother. Because some things were simply more important than me. At this point I think it’s fair for me to not insist anymore. It’s not worth the effort.

3. I didn’t keep my wedding a secret. I avoided telling my parents that it was my wedding to see if they would be interested in the slightest, but surprise surprise, they weren’t. Despite this, I did openly talk about my wedding with my aunts and uncles. My mother was in the room with us a few times when I discussed venues or dress shops with my aunt (the FB post one), but some times mom was on the phone, and other times she was just chatting with other people. She never paid attention. When I talked about it during reunions, she smiled and said “that’s great, dear”, and then would change the subject. Radio silence on dad and Mike.

4. I kept in contact with them because, well, all the times I tried to go NC in the past years I’ve been harassed. I tried after my hs, bachelors and masters’ graduations, to which they never bothered to show up for reasons involving my brother. Every time I was shamed for daring to turn my back on family by my parents, my brother, my maternal aunts and my maternal grandparents. I think the turning point here is that, all those times, Lucas wasn’t by my side (we started dating a little after my last attempt at going NC) and, how that I have him here, I feel more confident in my stance. But before that, I want this confident. As I already stated, all my paternal side lives on the other side of the country and wasn’t aware of how they treated me. I did try to expose my parents once, at 14. My aunts, uncles and grandpa reprimanded them, they faked being sorry, and then once home I got the beating and gaslighting of my life for “lying”. After that, l kept in contact regularly with my paternal side, but omitting my parents’ abuse out of fear, which tbh still haunts me to this day. Only grandpa knew, but he was always threatened to be alienated from me if he tried anything.

5. My parents and I are not from the same city. I live in a city an hour drive from my parents’ small town, and they don’t know my new address because once, my brother tried to break in my apartment to steal some cash and my mother backed him up, claiming that siblings share their goods. Now i moved, and I’ll be sure not to tell them where I live.

6. My parents didn’t buy my brother a car and a house before he even started high school. They bought him a car for his 16th birthday, and a house near his college when he began freshman year. They didn’t spend the money of my fund right away, they just lied to me to use it later for my brother, keeping it stored for later in the meantime.

My Dad died a few days ago and I'm mourning him. There were some difficulties with getting my family to organize a celebration of life for him so it's mainly fallen to me. On top of this, I have a two month deadline to submit a research paper for my job before my contract is up. Afterwards I will have to move to another research institute (likely not in the same country). Finally, I have recently developed frequent gastrointestinal pain which is negatively impacting my quality of life.

My girlfriend went to Europe to visit her sister and travel/tour/sightsee. She booked her vacation long before my dad passed and flew out before then as well. I was with my Dad in the hospital for around 14 hours the day before he died. I called her to talk to her and she was supportive, and spent a long time on the phone with me.

Two days later however, while she's out touring, she sent me pictures of jewelry in the local shops that she likes in order to "train me to understand her style". I wasn't very responsive to this, but she seemed adamant that I understand her preferences. The next day she sent me another picture of jewelry and I also wasn't very responsive. She picked up on this and asked what was wrong, so I told her: "My dad just died so jewelry shopping is not going to register in my mind".

After this she apologized, and I told her I knew she "wasn't trying to be insensitive but that there was a time and place for things like this". As far as I was concerned, the issue was settled. This morning she messages me and tells me that she "doesn't like the way I talked to her yesterday about the jewelry", and that it's "better if we don't talk rather than dealing with our issues over text". She said she knows that I "have a lot going on" but that she "also has her reasons for sending me messages". I don't know what these reasons are, but I feel hurt by this.

From my perspective, my dad just died, much of the death arrangements have fallen to me, I'm weeks behind on work and my girlfriend's biggest concern is that I told her I didn't want to talk about jewelry or consider it important. I thought the issue was settled, but evidently, it wasn't settled for her. I feel like she has been insensitive and hasn't considered the issues I am facing, even though she knows about all of them.

AITA?

Okay, here me out. As this issue has divided my family.

I 41(F) and my Husband 42 (M) have been married for almost 18 years and have 3 kids. The child in question is 16 years old. When she was 14 she came to us and said she was pregnant. We were very concerned, of course, and asked who the Father was. She did not say even after us asking repeatedly for months. We also, gently, asked if someone had assaulted or gra*ped her and insisted she could be honest. We explained we loved her, but needed to know.

She never told us and went through with having the baby. Thankfully she had a healthy pregnancy. We pulled her out of school and told her we would be there for her and our grandchild.

8 months ago the baby got really sick. A blood treatment was needed but due to it having a rare blood antigen issue, basic donations were not helpful. Our family was all tested and no one had it, so we needed the baby's father. Our daughter was still reluctant to tell us after all this time. We explained this was no longer about her, but saving her child.

She finally told us the guy's name and that he was currently a senior at the local college and 21 at the time she got pregnant. Of course we were upset, at him, and understood why she felt scared as she was taken advantage of.

We went to the police and he was arrested, a DNA test was done and he was a match as the Dad and the blood. Our grand child was able to saved. The guy, however, said he had no idea our daughter was 14. He stated that he met her at the college. They met at the library, saw each other at some parties, had sex a couple of times and then he stopped hearing from her.

For context, the woman in my family, even me, started developing really early. By 14 my daughter does have the body of a young woman but a younger face. With some makeup she does look older, which is why we always encouraged her that she didn't need it.

After pleading with her to tell us the truth she finally did. Her and some friends would go to the library at the college to check out guys. She had a fake ID and did go to several parties at the school, when she was supposed to be at her friend's house. She met him and lied about being a freshman at the college. After she got pregnant she stopped talking to him.

The police want to press charge as do other people in my family, but we feel that this is unfair to him as my Daughter lied to him and put herself in this situation. Both of them say it was consensual and she even showed some videos she took of them together. Are we wrong?

I found out earlier this month our daughter had sex. I was floored and left speechless. She is 16 though and of course not unheard of. Honestly it came out of left field and we were dealing with some other issues regarding her.

My husband is what I’ll call high strung. He overreacts a lot when it comes to things. I waited three weeks and finally told him. He is livid. He sees me not telling him immediately as a breech of trust, etc.

I tried to explain that I kept it from him because we already were dealing with issues and I myself needed to digest everything. He called me neglectful for not getting her to the doctor as soon as I found out. She is on birth control and I had verified she has had multiple periods. As the encounter happened three months ago. I told him I wasn’t going to make an appt without telling him to begin with.

This went down last Sunday. We both talked her on Tuesday and went through the situation. He handled it okay. He ignored my birthday Wednesday. Won’t touch me, barely talks to me.

AITA for not telling him as soon as I found out?

I am honestly at a complete loss right now. We have been together for 3 years and he definitely struggles with alcohol addiction. He has now started wetting the bed when he gets too drunk and I feel like I'm nearing my limits at this point with his alcohol consumption and what it does to our lives.

He went to a wedding last night and I opted not to go because I don't want to be around him when he's partying. I let him borrow my camper that I had just bought a brand new mattress for so that he could spend the night there. I've also been planning on selling the mattress because it's not quite the right size.

Anyways, this morning I discovered that he had pissed all over the mattress last night. I was obviously upset and he the first thing he said was "hello hunny, nice to see you too." Which honestly feels manipulative to me, like you just ruined my brand new mattress, of course I'm upset. Then when I told him that I was disappointed, he yelled at me and told me he's disappointed in himself so why would he want to hear that from me.

Am I overreacting here? Is it wrong for me to be upset with him?

I have a good friend of 20+ years. After she became divorced and met someone special, she made a big deal of randomly telling me one day that one of her biggest regrets was that she didn't have me as a bridesmaid at her first wedding. I had her as my MOH for my wedding...this comment she made to me was after she was my MOH.

She became engaged and planned a wedding with not very much notice. I had called her to congratulate her on her engagement, to which she announces out she had chose a maid of honor, her sister. Ok cool choice I said. She then tells me she is feeling confused of who to ask for bridesmaids. I took it as "for the other" people she should invite to be bridesmaids along with me.

She mentioned that she wanted her kids in the wedding, I did advise her that some brides in this day and age don't have any bridesmaids, or some brides just have their kids in the wedding...being a supportive future bridesmaid (or so I thought), I figured I should let her know she had all kinds of options, that it was ultimately "her day".

I figured she would eventually circle back around to me after that conversation regarding what she had decided, but I never heard from her (so I figured she decided just to have her kids in the wedding). In my mind it is not polite to invite yourself to be a bridesmaid, so what could I do?

Fast forward to the day of the wedding...in walks the wedding party, and it wasn't just her kids as bridesmaids it was her "other" friends. AITA for feeling crushed?

My husband and I (33M and 31F respectively) have a 3 y.o. son and are trying for a second child soon. My father passed away the day I found out I was pregnant with my son, so my husband and I agreed to give my dad’s middle name “Hayden” to our son. This caused a bit of a fuss with my FIL, who said he was hoping I would honor him in naming our child, but I repeatedly told him the names my DH and I picked for our children would not mesh well with any of his names. I didn’t mention that we didn’t want to carry the “James” name tradition on anymore nor did I like the name “Martin”. Now that my DH and I are trying for a second child, the argument has come up again about bestowing a “family name” to honor my FIL upon our second child should it be another boy. We already have another name set picked out for another boy, and this one honors my grandfather who passed before I was born. The name we have chosen flows very well with my grandfather’s name, and my DH agrees it would be a great choice. My FIL made a comment to me about “having to die before he’d get a child named after him”, to which I made it abundantly clear that neither I, my DH, nor his other son and his partner have any obligation to name any of our children after him. This has caused a huge rift in the family, and my MIL has pleaded with me to reconsider and allow FIL the pride of having a child named after him. I am standing my ground and keeping all the names we have picked as they are. AITA?

I've been meaning to post an update for a while now but was just so occupied with everything going on.

After everything that happened, my in-laws found out that my husband and I are staying separately (because he also stopped sending them money for their upkeep). They called me, and I told them everything honestly, including what I said.

My in-laws completely took my side. They threatened to cut their son out of their lives for his infidelity and were also angry about the embarrassment he has caused them. They've told him that the only way he can make it up to them is by obtaining my forgiveness and making it up to ME. I'm thankful for them.

They also informed my parents and reassured them that they'll be supporting me no matter what. I've been living with my in-laws since.

Many of you were right: she was never pregnant and never had a miscarriage. She couldn’t provide any evidence of pregnancy or a miscarriage. According to my mother-in-law, I think my husband realized she’d been lying about her pregnancy only after leaving me.

It also turns out that she really IS my husband’s distant cousin. So he wasn’t lying about that at least. She apparently begged my in-laws not to tell her own parents, but they went ahead and told them anyway.

Word spread, and she is now in shame for premarital sex, that too with a married man. I don't know specific details about her, but I think she’s pretty much been put under house arrest by her parents other than for absolutely essential trips.

My parents are too old to have much of an opinion. They are reassured that my in-laws are on my side and are happy with anything I do.

My husband and I are still not on good terms, but I still love him very much. I need time to heal from this and a proper apology, which I’m yet to receive. But once I do, I’m inclined to take him back.

I think he currently resents me because of the backlash he got (I think he was fully expecting me to be on the receiving end of it, as I was) and is upset that his parents took my side. But eventually, I think he will realize the error of his ways.

I don't know if this update is happy or not, but my heart feels lighter.

I wanted to update because so many people reached out to me offering words of comfort and support both on the post and in DMs. I read all of it, even if I couldn’t reply to everyone personally. Thank you to everyone.

Edit: Im not Indian, not that I have any problems with India or Indians. I’m 36 years old and it’ll be hard for me to find anyone else after this. Im not being a doormat, I’m being practical so I won’t be lonely later.

I don’t know if Reddit changed their algorithm to put every 0 upvote post on my feed but the last 4 months holy shit this sub fills my feed with people who ask for “easy six figure jobs” with “no experience” and no degree who want to work “3 day weeks” because of their extremely common realizations and issues that basically everyone else has.

Listen man I’m as anti work as you are but even in a true meritocracy

y’all (royally) would be bottom rung.

You want a special exception career that gives you lifestyle perks, you’re either born into those connections or you start like everyone else in the tedious soul sucking grind and hopefully get lucky.

In a weird place now and need to know if I'm TA for this or not.

My dad, his wife, her oldest daughter (13) and I (15m) are in family therapy together. My dad's wife has two other kids. A 9 year old son who lives mostly with his dad and a 6 year old daughter who she shares custody of with the kids dad. They're not in the therapy sessions with us though. The reason we're in therapy is we didn't blend like my dad and his wife wanted us to in the last two years and they wanted to fix things before we're broken forever.

My oldest stepsister never knew her dad and her sister's dad dropped her once he and dad's wife broke up. So she really wanted a dad and my dad was willing to be that for her. I admit I'm jealous of that. I don't like that my dad moved on from mom, who died. He's allowed to. He should be happy. I wish he could be happy without replacing my mom. And he kind of has. He shipped all her stuff off, all the photos and moms things, to my mom's sister and we have nothing. I'm not allowed a single thing since he sold our old house and moved in with his wife. He said we need to make a fresh start with our family. With that he wants to be a stepdad/dad to her kids and especially her oldest. His wife wants to be my new mom too but I'm not okay with that. I don't see her kids as my siblings either. One I never met (her son), one I hardly ever see (her youngest daughter) and the other annoys me with how often she tries to hang out with me like we're actual siblings instead of stepsiblings technically.

So we started family therapy and really didn't get anywhere because none of our goals aligned. My stepsister wants to be someone's sole priority, my dad wants us to feel like the family we had before, his wife wants us to function as a nuclear family and I just want to keep a good relationship with my dad without needing to be close to the steps.

The therapist decided the best way to make some progress was a full truth session where we all say exactly how we feel without holding back and where we're not supposed to hold the truth against each other. I went to the session ready to say how I felt. But then my stepsister spoke first and when she talked about loving me and dad, feeling like she didn't belong, how she wants a sibling who actually feels like a sibling and how much she never felt like she belonged, I didn't feel good about saying I don't care about her, her mom or her siblings at all and don't want to be her brother and don't want to share my dad with her and hate him so much for erasing my mom and wish the whole marriage would end and we'd never see each other again. So I didn't speak when it was my turn. The therapist encouraged me to do it like three times and gave up. My dad was so angry with me afterward and he told me for someone who looked like I had so much to say, saying nothing and wasting the point of the session was shitty because I was getting in the way of progress.

AITA?