I am no longer divorcing roger. There were complications from his heart attack and he has passed away. I am conflicted. He was the love of my love but also a cheating piece of trash.

To the best of my knowledge the mother will not return from Europe. The child is currently with her parents. They asked me what I wanted to do. I recommended adoption. Not that I adopt the child. That they put the child up for adoption.

They didn't like that suggestion.

Neither did my children.

They said i am being cold and cruel. I suggested that since the child was related to them and not to me that they step up. Neither has accepted that suggestion either.

I was the sole beneficiary of Roger's estate so I imagine lawyers will be involved in getting the child some sort of support. I will pay whatever is ordered by the court out of the estate. I will not pay one cent out of my money.

That is all I have to say on this matter.

I 26F have an older sister 32F who had a tragic accident three years ago that left her paralyzed from the waist down. It's been rough for everyone but especially for her. Our family rallied around her. Helping out as much as we can and I’ve been there every step of the way because I love her so much. But since the accident. it feels like I don't deserve to have any good things happen to me or at least I’m not allowed to talk about them. Every time something positive happens in my life I get shut down by my family. When I got a promotion at work last year I was so happy and excited to tell them. I thought my family would be happy for me but when I tried to share the news. My mom pulled me aside and told me to not now because my sister had a tough day. I ended up keeping it to myself.

8 months ago my boyfriend proposed. When I told them. My mom immediately changed the subject later telling me that my sister was feeling down about her own marriage struggles. It’s like anything good in my life is an offense to my sister’s situation.

This happened a few days ago. I’ve been saving up for years to buy my first new car. I finally managed to do it and I was so excited. I thought my family would be happy for me. So I decide to tell them. As soon as the words were out of my mouth the room went dead silent. My mom whispered to me "This isn’t the time. think about your sister" My sister looked so sad and I instantly felt like the worst person in the world.

I just couldn’t handle it anymore and I said "Can't I share anything good in my life. I thought you’d all be happy for me" no one knew what to say and I left the house. I’ve never done that before. Now I’m filled with regret and confusion. I love my sister and I never want to hurt her but it feels like I’m not allowed to have anything good happen to me. It’s getting to the point where I feel like I’m walking on eggshells all the time. I understand my sister’s life has changed drastically and I’m genuinely supportive and have always been there for her. But sometimes I just want to be able to share my own life too. I feel so guilty for even feeling this way like I’m being selfish or inconsiderate.

Her husband and even my parents share things about their lives freely and no one seems to mind. But as the younger sister I’m not allowed to share anything good in front of her so I don’t hurt her feelings. I get it. I really do. I understand she’s going through a lot and I don’t want to add to her pain. But it feels like I’m not allowed to have any joy in my life around my family.

Now I know I owe my sister an apology for how I reacted. I never want to make her feel sad but I’m struggling with how to approach my family. I don’t feel like I should apologize to them. And honestly I don’t think I’ll be sharing anything with them in the future.

My ex-wife, Jen (38F) and I (42M) were married for 8 years before divorcing during the pandemic 4 years ago. We have 2 kids together (13M & 10F) who we share custody of and coparent well together. At her suggestion, I got a vasectomy after our daughter was born. I got remarried about a year ago to my new wife, Cari (34F). Cari does not have kids but has always wanted a family. After many discussions prior to our engagement, I agreed to reverse my vasectomy to try to start a family with Cari. I had the reversal procedure done just after our wedding.

Cari and I found out about a month ago that she is pregnant. She is currently about 15-weeks. We have not told anyone about the pregnancy until recently. I wanted to wait until I had an opportunity to tell my kids in person that they are going to have a younger sibling. Now that they are done with school, I had that chance this past weekend.

Both of my kids were very excited and happy to hear the news. They get along great with Cari and are excited to have a new baby bro/sis. After I told the kids, they wanted to call their mom and tell her about it too. I was a little apprehensive because I didn't know how Jen would react and tried to convince them to let me tell her first, but my son ended up telling her via text before that.

Jen sent me a text a few minutes later basically asking me WTF I was thinking. I texted her back saying that I would prefer not to have this conversation over text and asked if she was free for a chat. She said she wasn't and sent a flurry of texts asking me a bunch of questions. I again told her I would prefer to have this conversation in person or on the phone.

She finally called me later that night and was not happy. She told me that I should have told her I reversed my vasectomy so that she could talk to our kids about it. I told her that my body and my life with Cari is not her business and that neither of our kids even know I had a vasectomy, let alone know what a vasectomy is. I've never told them I had one so why would I tell them I reversed it.

She told me that since this is going to have a huge impact on our kids' lives that I should have told her about it first. She said that it is her business when it will directly impact our kids. I told her that it is my body and that my health choices are of no concern to her anymore. The conversation started getting heated and I ended the call before things got too far.

Jen has since calmed down and did send a text congratulating me and Cari. But she still maintains that I should have notified her of my decision to reverse my vasectomy before things got to a point where Cari is pregnant. She thinks that she had a right to know since it will impact our kids.

I think she has no right to any information regarding what I decide to do with my body unless it is life-threatening. My marriage and life with Cari is not information that my ex-wife has any right to.

I’m sorry this is long. So I F26 have been married to my m32 husband for 3 months now. We dated for 3 years prio and everything was great. We bought and settled into a house and I was ready to live the rest of my life in blissful peace.. Until I got a “Hey Girl..” text. This girl messaged me say thing my husband and her went on a few dates and when they decided it wasn’t going to work, she asked him to delete all her sensitive pictures. Apparently he laughed and said “That’s not how that works.” Before blocking her. She was frantic, apparently he asked her for some really provocative niche pictures and they had her face in them. She found his real profile since the old one was under a fake name and saw that he was married… They last saw each other 2 months ago.

At first I thought this was just some stupid bitter ex trying to ruin a newly weds marriage. So she sent proof. I’m talking screen shots, pictures, and the nail in the coffin; a selfie of them in our bedroom standing at the mirror naked with his hands on her chest. To say I was devastated was an understatement. The person made a vow to love me forever, and turned around a month later and fucked someone else in the same bed we were in. These 3 years had been a lie and I was the stupid one all along. The woman apologized out of her ass, saying she didn’t know he was married. She then begged me to delete those pictures for her.

My husband was a work so I went over to my mom’s house. I was inconsolable and I spilled my guts to her. She called my sister since we are very close and she came over right away. They consoled me and asked if I even had proof. I showed them the pictures the woman sent me. My sister said those could be photoshopped, fakes, and maybe there was an explanation. I needed to see these on his phone myself. My mom also said if I find anything, then we can get an annulment on our marriage since it wasn’t even 6 months old yet. She had a lawyer friend that she’s close with and was going to get me in contact with her just in case. So after a hard cry, they wished me luck, told me to be smart, and I went back home and waited for my husband.

My husband got home late, I was already in bed “Sleeping”. More like in a ball of confusion and now anger. He cuddled up next to me and I felt my skin crawl under the touch of this new stranger. When I knew he was asleep, I took his phone and locked myself in the bathroom. He really thought he was so smart putting a picture of a car at the front of a photo album to make it seem innocent. When I clicked into that album and saw what I saw.. She wasn’t even the first one. He had pictures of 5 other women in there too, and I knew them. Some of them were his friends wives, and girlfriends. Some of them were coworkers wife’s I met at company picnic. The nature of these pictures differed but some of them were in the act. And my husband was not the male taking the pictures. Some of these pictures were stolen and he had a weird spank bank of nudes that were of my closest friends.

Immediately I sent this album to myself, my sister, and my mom. I then deleted all evidence so he wouldn’t be the wiser. But I noticed a little notification at the top of his phone that I wasn’t familiar with so I clicked it. It was a group chat with hi, his friends and some coworkers. They were all sending nudes of their wives, girlfriends, and casual hook ups. The last message being sent from my dear husband from earlier that very night. He sent 2 pictures, one being intimate with a woman and a bingo card with the word “Red head” exed out. There were likes, reactions and praises from the other men. Some complaining that they couldn’t find one and asking what her number was.

I scrolled for hours. The group chat was started in 2022. These men’s partners were not aware that these were being shared. They made bets with each other on if they could get their partners to wear certain lingerie before the others, and some even taking special requests. At one point all of them agreed to do a bingo card at the start of this year, “Red Head, 3sum, and public” were among those on the bingo cards. They had quite the dead poets club going on. I even found my own nudes shared and I cried. These intimate private pictures of my most vulnerable state, rated and joked about by these cave men.

The amount of screen shots I took were ungodly. Trying to take as many as I could with names of the women. In total 9 guys were sharing these pictures, some were not cheating, but knew of the infidelity going on and praising it. I had to be smart about this and think everything over. I sent everything to my sister and mom before deleting the evidence and putting the phone back. Took everything in me not to shove it where his drunk don’t shine. But laying there beside him, for a moment I thought “Maybe I could pretend I didn’t see anything.. Act like everything was fine.” Hot tears poured out of my eyes “Just like he pretends to love me.”

I took off work the next day and went to my moms to start a plan. My sister being the detective she is, started finding and making a list of women. Lucky for us these slimy degenerate kept tallies of how many women they laid with pictures to prove it. My mom’s living room started looking like something out of a crime scene when the post it notes. I’ll admit, I cried on and off all ay, connecting another red string to my husband twisted the knife in my back more and more. Out of the 9 men, 5 were cheating on the regular. Totaling 38 Victims between them all in a 2 year period. I was mentally so drained. I messaged my husband and told him I was spending the night at my sisters as she had found kittens earlier that week and they needed fed every 2 hours. So that’s what we did, ordered pizza, connected pictures with names, cried, and ged kittens. My mom was my absolute rock through this. We devised a plan once finding 30 of the 38 women.

I went home the next night to not look suspicious. My husband complained of how distant I had been. I gritted my teeth and apologized. I suggested we go camping next weekend for quality time. He loved the idea and said he’d love to reconnect and spend time together.

The clock was ticking, I changed all of my passwords, totally closed my bank account and went to another bank. We didn’t share money, but he knew my passwords and number. I even released the utilities from my name. With every step I started feeling lighter. I spoke to my now lawyer and had the annulment rolling. I also took more screen shots and eventually was able to install the app and log into his messenger app on my iPad. No more sneaking around with his phone at night.

Then it was D day, we were driving separately to the camp site since I “Had to work” and he had the day off. It was a 3 hour drive to the campsite and he left at 9:30. I waited 30 minutes and had a moving crew packing all of my things. He paid for the house, but I furnished everything. I rented a storage unit so half was going there, the other half to my sister. I’d be moving there for the time being. It Took about 5 hours to gut the house of my things. I sent my soon to be ex a final text saying I was on my way. He texted back he couldn’t wait for a great weekend. I then immediately called the phone company and had his phone disconnected, and off my plan. I then made a group chat with all the women we found and I sent a prewritten message letting them know what I found. And to prove it I then went on my exs account, and added them all to the slimy group chat. I changed his password, and logged out.

I am now on my way to my sisters. She lives about 2 hours in the opposite direction. My sister decorated the house in his bingo cards and his pathetic attempts of online foreplay. I put the annulment papers where our wedding certificate was.. but on the floor cause the table was mine. He doesn’t know the shoe has even dropped yet, and I wonder how long he’ll wait for me. And I wish him the worst luck trying to get home without a call for help or a GPS.

I might update, but at the moment I need to focus on myself and focus on putting the pieces of my life back together. Shout out to my mom and my sister for being my rocks, I would have been spineless without them. Fuck you Tyler, you and all your friends.

Edit: Jamie has been evacuated and nothing, also even if he did have something I still think it would be fair game with what my mom did

My mother babysit almost all of the grandkids three times a week in the summer. I am very grateful she does this and it saves us a ton of money. In total she watches about 7 kids, and one of those kids is my middle child son, Jamie.

Jamie is a lot sometimes. He is 8 years old, and compared to his younger sister he is less behaved. My mother has talked to my wife and I multiple times about him. She has done recommended time outs. Overall he doesn't behave much better after them. We have both talked to him about it but no improvement.

This is the issue, my mom was going to take all the kids to the pool with my dad. Jamie would not stop goofing around. Running around, grabbing the other kids pool stuff and in general being loud/annoying. My mom told him if he didn't stop then no one would be going to the pool. He didn't stop and she hold true to her word. The rest of the day all of the kids were mad at him.

I picked them both up and she informed me above what happened. Mom told me he behaved the rest of the day after that. Jamie was very upset about no one liking him, the kids basically ignored him. Even my youngest was pissed off at him.

My mother told me that he needs to learn his actions affect other people and I agree with her. I am 100 percent fine with her using social dynamics to get him to behave. It also seemed to work, she plans to take the kids to pool on Friday.

I told my wife what happened and she is pissed that my other did this. We had an agruement and she thinks i am being a huge jerk for agreeing with my mom.

I am not OOP. OOP is

Posted in

Original:

Update;

ORIGINAL:

My (F53) soon to be ex husband Roger (47), whom I forgave for his affair, came home with a baby four months ago. His girlfriend (22) could not handle it anymore and brought the baby to him at work and left. To the best of his knowledge she is in Spain.

I allowed him to stay so long as I didn't have to do anything. Anything.

Well about a month ago Roger had a heart attack. It didn't kill him, mores the pity, but he is very weak and incapable of doing anything for himself. Since he isn't up and about he cannot care for his child. He also cannot drop of and pick up his son at daycare.

I have been helping but I'm done. My kids are full grown. I shouldn't be having grandkids any time soon. I do not have any desire to care for a baby.

I told Roger that I want a divorce, and I contacted the mother's parents. I know the father through friends. I said they had until Friday to come get their grandchild or I was calling Child Protective Services.

They just left with the baby. But they scolded me for being so cold towards a baby that had done me no harm. I view that child differently.

Roger is recovering and I will be moving out. The house is in his name but I have never contributed to it. I have the equivalent of twenty two years of rent and interest put away. And as per our prenup my savings are my own.

I work and I don't need anything out of this marriage except myself.

My kids tried telling me to stay and help their father. I said that they were welcome to come over and help him with cleaning himself and the baby. Both declined what I felt was a fair offer.

I do not feel that I am acting badly however Roger, our children, his child's family, and a few mutual friends think I am. Perhaps writing this out and seeing the responses will give me clarity.

UPDATE:

I am no longer divorcing roger. There were complications from his heart attack and he has passed away. I am conflicted. He was the love of my love but also a cheating piece of trash.

To the best of my knowledge the mother will not return from Europe. The child is currently with her parents. They asked me what I wanted to do. I recommended adoption. Not that I adopt the child. That they put the child up for adoption.

They didn't like that suggestion.

Neither did my children.

They said i am being cold and cruel. I suggested that since the child was related to them and not to me that they step up. Neither has accepted that suggestion either.

I was the sole beneficiary of Roger's estate so I imagine lawyers will be involved in getting the child some sort of support. I will pay whatever is ordered by the court out of the estate. I will not pay one cent out of my money.

That is all I have to say on this matter.

I had to have my thyroid removed when I was 14 and the surgery left a long horizontal scar across my throat. It scarred badly and even after cosmetic procedures remains highly visible. Honestly I had to overcome a lot of self-consciousness about it because people stare and make rude comments, but more than a decade later I don't think about it too much except when people say something.

My coworker Helen pulled me aside to tell me it deeply bothers her having to see it, and that she is not the only person who is bothered by it. She said scars upset her due to her experiences and shouldn't need to see them in the work place and requested I cover it with a scarf or choker.

It honestly surprised me because I have never had someone ask me to cover it before. These comments made me really self conscious again but honestly I do not feel I should need to cover it. I really don't like things touching around my neck so I ignored her request, but I can't help but wonder AITAH for letting my throat scar go uncovered? I know people are curious about it, but I have never been told it triggers others trauma before.

Really hurting emotionally over this. I found out a few weeks ago I (36f) was pregnant. My boyfriend (36m) and I live together with his kids, who live with us part time. I've been on birth control for many years and have never been pregnant. This last cycle, I missed a few days of the pill but I keep track of my ovulation so I didn't think it was much risk to continue unprotected sex. I was very confident in this- I went out and drank, lived my life as usual. Welp, turns out i was pregnant.

My boyfriend didn't take the news well. He did ask me to abort, but said that if I keep it, I'd need to move out a he'd give up parental rights and would support me anyway he can at a distance. He feels I got pregnant on purpose and that I slighted him. I did not do this on purpose.

I ended up obtaining abortion pills. They recommend having someone else with you while going through the process in case there's an emergency. I was also told it was painful and honestly I just want my partner there with me to hold me and for emotional support. He has told me he would take a Saturday off from bartending so he could be with me. We decided to wait till his kids go back with their mom.

This is now the week and he hasn't asked for that day off. When I asked why, he said he needs to work, I got myself in this situation and that the world doesn't stop for me. He has told me he hates me for this.

AITAH for wanting my partner to be here for me during this time?

So sorry this will be a long post but there is some background information that I believe is relevant. This happened in 2020.

For some background information. At the time I was (26) F when I met my now ex-husband at the time (31)M via Facebook in Jan 2017. He messaged me this long paragraph about how he really wanted to meet me and we should go out and I should give him a chance to see where it goes. Me being vulnerable and going through some heartbreaking life changes agreed and we started talking. Long story short we went on a couple dates, he stayed over one night and then never left. Basically moved in with me. At the time he had nothing. He was living in a small storage building behind his parent’s home. So small that all that fit in it was a recliner that he slept in, a tv, and a mini fridge. He would be locked out of the house when they went to bed so he had to use the bathroom outside in the woods after that. He had no car and no job at all. And his wife had left him a year prior. He was on workman’s comp for a work related injury. And was in the middle of a lawsuit.

Anyway things were going pretty good and we got along pretty well and had alot of fun together. In April of 2017 he got my family and his family together at my parent’s house to have a dinner. Said it was so our family’s could meet to see how they got along. Little did I know it was so he could propose. Being on the spot I said yes and by the time we left everyone had already picked a date for the wedding. August of 2017, and started planning it. Me feeling the pressure went along with it. The next 4 months were super stressful planning the wedding and trying to figure out if this is what I wanted to do. (I had always told him I wanted to date at least a year before even being preposed to) and I almost left him multiple times but our families talked me into staying because every couple goes through this when planning a wedding. Aug comes and we are married. Everything was fine for a while but we would have small disagreements that I now realize were huge. On our 1 year anniversary I bought him a vehicle. It was a brand new 2018 $35,000 dollar vehicle (even though I was in a beat up 2005 vehicle) , we had moved into a new place ( he said it was weird staying somewhere that my ex’s had been and convinced me we needed a fresh start in a home that was ours) and even managed to get him a job with a large retail company because a friend of mine was a manager there. I even had helped him step up to a managers position there within a couple months of being there. So basically in the span of a year and a half he went from nothing to having a wife, home, vehicle, and well paying job because of me. Now the home we moved into I knew the landlord since I was a kid so he was happy to give me a special rate on the place and my ex knew it was because the landlord knew me that we got this place. This is relevant later.

In 2019 we got to a point we were fighting all the time, and I felt unappreciated. I was always told, “I didn’t do anything to you” “you have no reason to feel that way” and “you need to stop being so emotional”. The straw that broke the camels back came when I got home from work (I was working 10hr days, 6 days a week) one day and he was passed out on the couch, while my son (autistic) was in the kitchen and had gotten ahold of a knife and said he was trying to make use dinner. I got my son and left to stay with my parents for a while. Over the next few months we tried to work things out. We decided to start over date a while see how things went and go from there. (I didn’t want to be another statistic and was feeling pressured from parents to work it out).

Ultimately in 2020 I decided I was done for good, found my own place and cut contact for the most part. I’m 29 and he is 33 now.

At this point I just wanted to be done and we agreed that I could take all my son’s belongings, and we would split the rest of my stuff ( so he wasn’t left with nothing) and he could keep the place we had. We also agreed he could keep the vehicle but only so long as he would make the payments on it on time, and once he was able to finance himself he would take my name off or he could pay it off and I would sign it over to him. (The vehicle was in my name, along with the least to the home)

He made the first payment on time but the second month when I contacted him about the payment he said he didn’t have it and needed to wait until he got paid at the end of the week. I was getting nervous cause the payment was due within a week and a half. When I contacted him again he again said I don’t have it and then hung up. It was Friday payment was due the next Wednesday. That Sunday a mutual friend and I was hanging out and let it slip that he was already engaged to another woman and said he was gonna keep the vehicle until they repo it so he could ruin my credit and “screw me one last time” ( this is where he fucked up)

Of course being the owner of the vehicle, on that Monday while he was at work I had someone drop me off in the parking lot to pick up my vehicle. I got straight in, door wasn’t locked, and drove it home. His work was about an hour from where we lived. Once he got off work and realized he had no way home, he called and told me if I didn’t bring him his vehicle back that he would come to my house and get it. I told him to go ahead and as soon as it is drove off my property I would have him arrested and charged for grand theft auto, at which point I told him he could return his key to the vehicle and collect his belongings out of it. During the heat of the fight I said, “I picked you up from nothing and gave you everything, and even made this as simple as I could so you were not left with nothing again, but keep on and I’ll make sure to leave you were I found you.” He tried to call my bluff but ultimately gave me the key and took his belongings and left.

I took the vehicle cleaned it up, took it to a dealership and sold it before the payment was due and got it paid off and even an extra 6,000 for it over payoff value. He relentlessly harassed me from the time he left till I had had enough on Thursday. I had over 1,000 text and voicemails telling me I’m a petty b**** and that I’m going to pay for leaving him without a vehicle. So I made good on my threat. I called the landlord explained what happened and told him my name was to come off the lease. He happily took my name off. I called the internet, water, and power companies and told them I moved and needed the service that was in my name disconnected from the previous address they happily disconnected the same day. I also called my friend, his manager, and told her about him leaving the cash safe keys unattended in the vehicle unlocked in the parking lot while on the clock. When he got home from work he had no water no power and no internet. (His credit was shot so he couldn’t get water or power in his name so he eventually was evicted due to not being able to maintain the property in proper living conditions.) On Friday he was called into the office and let go due to negligence.

I texted him Friday evening and told him that now he has seen a petty b**** and now I can officially say I left him where I found him, blocked him and never looked back.

Edit to add: the divorce was finalized in 2021. This is what we agreed to amongst ourselves when we separated. By the time the divorce was finalized we had lived separate lives for a year with no contact.

I used to work at a hotel on a large property that did a lot of business conferences. We had golf buggies to get around, 10 different conference rooms plus, lots of other hotel facilities, storage rooms etc. Upper management had a strict rule that important locks could only have one set of keys. Upper management also liked to "save" money by never fixing things when they broke. It must've looked good on paper.

One week we had a big spending client who had booked out the hotel for the week. Night one our sales team had got the times wrong for their dinner of several hundred people so all available staff were sent over 2 hours early to start setting up. The hotel's General Manager (GM) announced he would be over shortly to see how things were going, which was almost unheard of for him. What he found was about 20 staff standing around outside the venue. The conversation went something like this:

GM: Why is everyone standing around?
Supervisor(Sup): We don't have the keys. We sent a staff member looking for the other supervisor who has the keys now.
GM: Where are your other sets of keys?
Sup: We've only been given the one set of keys. GM: Why don't the staff have a radio on them?
Sup: Radios have been broken for over a year and never approved to be replaced.
GM: Why did you only only send one staff member to look for them?
Sup: We only have the one working golf buggy.

GM grumbles and sends another staff member off on his buggy to look for the keys. Eventually, after everyone standing around for nearly 20 minutes the keys turned up. The GM was stressed out of his mind that such a big client might be kept waiting. For the supervisor it was just another Monday.

Malicious compliance: The supervisor had access to a backup set of keys that they were strictly forbidden from using. Usually in a situation like this they would quietly use the forbidden keys and everything would go smoothly. But because the GM decided to be there they didn't mention the forbidden keys, causing delays and panicking management.

Fallout: The next week, each supervisor got their own set of keys. A few weeks later we got radios for the department. Upper management also started checking in on how things were going from time to time. Apparently making rules without knowing how things actually work isn't such a good policy.

A long time ago, I was working in a UK Accident & Emergency department (ED). In came a US citizen, having sprained her ankle on some student break travel holiday. She was most rude to staff, suspicious of everything, and obviously disparaging of the (perfectly competent) treatment she was receiving from our nice A&E docs, nurses, and X-ray techs; and ever so certain she'd broken it (she hadn't) and this would be missed due to our provincial and undertrained incompetence.

This was all treatment which could (and would) have been provided for free; because our paperwork was a PITA and normally the return on something so minor wasn't worth the hassle of filling it in back then. But she obviously felt everyone needed to know it would all (somehow) have been done much better in her 'best city in the world' in the good ol' USA.

And I was not happy with her attitude.

So at the end of my shift, I specifically stayed back to fill the forms in. In exhaustive detail, and on overtime. Which also went on the form. Then made sure she was booked for an (unnecessary) fracture clinic followup with an orthopaedic specialist "to allay her fears"; and made sure the reason for that (and the billing paperwork for any additional expenditure) was delivered to the clinic with the notes.

My fiancée and I (both 20s) are getting married in a month and there's a dispute with my dad now and he claims I'm being unfair, but I wanted to get some thoughts on it. So dad decided he was going to give a speech at the wedding without saying anything first. He had shared the contents of said speech with his sister, my aunt, and she knew the speech would not sit well with me and mentioned his plan to me.

So in this speech he already wrote he talks a lot about how his wife is the love of his life, how amazing she is, etc. It's very similar to the speech he gave at their vow renewal 10 years ago. He hasn't shied away from expressing in front of me and to me that he never loved anyone like he loved his wife, how all his past relationships pale in comparison. And that includes my mom who was his first wife, who left him widowered with an 8 year old son at the time. To make it even more difficult to hear. The vow renewal was held on my 18th birthday and I got to celebrate my birthday by hearing dad talk about how mom meant nothing because his second wife was so much better. They were married 8 years at the time. But a lot of family and friends didn't attend their actual wedding and they decided they'd basically have a second one to celebrate and they decided my birthday was the perfect time to do this.

Anyway, the speech he wrote for my wedding had a lot of this content from what my aunt heard from my dad and read herself. She knew on my wedding day the last thing I needed to hear was how much he adores his wife when he does so in a way that basically said my mom meant nothing to him.

I told him I knew about the speech and he didn't have permission to give the speech at my wedding. Dad asked why not and I told him I didn't want him to use my wedding to praise his wife. He said she means the world to us so why would I say that. I told him she means the world to him. But she pales in comparison to my mom who meant the world to me and still does. I told him he might have decided mom meant nothing but that didn't mean I shared his feelings. He accused me of being sensitive and then said it seemed like I didn't care about his wife at all, and then he said she was a good mom to me for the 8 years she raised me. I told him she was never anything more than his wife. My mom died when I was 8 and I didn't get a new one. And the last thing I need to hear is how little she meant on my wedding day. Dad told me to be reasonable and the parents of the bride and groom typically say something. I told him nothing he had to say had a place at my wedding. That this is mine and my fiancée's wedding, not his. I told him to get married again if all he wants to do is praise his wife. But it was not happening at mine.

He told me to stop acting like a little boy and grow up. I left. Then his wife called crying about the fight dad and I had. Which led to dad calling me again and telling me to grow up again.

AITA?

I've been with my husband for 8 years now. For the first 7 years, we planned HEAVILY because we both wanted a child but we needed to make sure we had everything 'just right' because I was very firm in the fact that I would never be okay with sending our child to daycare. I was going to be a stay at home mom. He 100% agreed. We bought the house, we built the nursery, we saved every penny we could afford to save, etc. Right now we are sitting on a very nice nest egg of just over $150k. I got pregnant in December 2022. I gave birth in the very beginning of September. It has been an absolute shit show since then.

So, to kick off, within the first 2 months of me giving birth (and having severe PPD), he decides to make a completely out of the blue career change. I urge him to go get checked by his PCP for PPD, because surely something must be wrong to be making such a life changing decision with zero warning so soon after I give birth. He refuses. Insists that he is fine but that his career is all the sudden 'too much' and it's 'taking too much time away from bonding with the baby'. Literally a normal 40hr work week but he was getting pissed because for the last 2 weeks of his employment, his boss had been asking that he works 4hrs every Saturday (his normal day off, but it's only 4hrs). So, he quits. He gets a job elsewhere 2 days later and takes a $4.50/hr pay cut. Okay, no big deal. Except now he has to pay $160 out of each paycheck for the mandatory benefits and work fees. That doesn't include taxes. He also has been working 6 days a week, versus the 5 that he was working. So less time at home (but: "well they said I could probably get manager", so I guess it's okay?). He is bringing in no more than $300 a paycheck, in comparison to the $600+ paychecks he was getting. Our bills are almost $2k a month. Therefore we have had to pay out of our savings every single month and it adds up quick!

Well, heres where I may be an asshole. Bills are obviously due soon. I asked him how much money he had set aside for the bills so I could work through the numbers. He tells me that he "wasn't able to" save anything for bills and he literally has $4 in his account. Meaning come the first, ALL of the bill money will be coming out of our savings. He tells me "maybe you need to start looking for a job, my mom will probably watch the baby". I just don't fucking say anything because I know I'm going to explode. His mom comes here this morning and he runs it by her (without even getting my approval, which would absolutely be a hard no because I'm quite certain she's early stages of Dementia), and she goes "no, but I know a daycare that has openings" and proceeds to call them and tell them that we want to enroll our daughter. I speak up and say no, I'm not putting the baby in daycare. I'm also not having her watch the baby. It's not happening and my husband needs to figure it out. My MIL then tells me that it's "not fair" that I won't come up with solutions to help her son, who is clearly 'struggling'. I snap. I tell her that it is not my job to come up with solutions for a man who failed me and our child. WE had everything planned. WE had the money. WE figured this out and spent years figuring it out before coming to this point. Now HE is going against the plan. He decided to quit his job. He refused to get help when I urged him to. He didn't save any of his paychecks for bills. This is on him, 100%. Before anyone could respond, I went inside and packed an overnight bag for both me and the baby and told him I'd be going to my mothers house until he got his shit together and got his head on straight. He is mostly texting me saying that he can't believe I think he is failing us. But his mother is blowing up my phone saying that I'm a dumb cunt and that plans change and since I'm married to her son and hes the 'only one working' that he should be the final say in what happens from this point forward. AITA?

Edit: spelling.

I slept with my best friend while we were in high school. We always joked about how we were friends with benefits and it was strictly just friends having fun. He didn’t know at the time that I was desperately and madly in love with him. The last time we had sex, I did end up getting pregnant. I had our baby and put him up for adoption as we were both young and I didn’t want to obligate him to me or make him take a different path in life. These are things that he had freaked out about previously when his girlfriend had a scare. Many years later (about 6) he confessed to me that he had always loved me and that he thought he had no chance because I always said we were just fwb. Anyway I’ve been in contact with our son and he wants to know more of his dad, our son knows that his dad doesn’t know about him. I guess my question is should I tell my best friend after all these years? I’m afraid to tell him since he has a wife and 2 kids now.

Update #1: I just got off of the phone with my friend. I told him everything. Apparently he knew that I was pregnant, my friend had let it slip one time. He thought it was his since he knew that I was only sleeping with him. He didn’t know that I had the baby but said he was happy that there’s a part of us together out in the world. He said he’d love to have a relationship with his son and wants me to make arrangements for all of us to meet. Thank you for all of your perspectives and advice. This went way better than I was expecting 💗

Update #2: I’m flying out this weekend to speak with both my best friend and his wife, in particular his wife wanted to speak with me and I thought it would be best if we did it in person. This is our first time meeting. I’ll keep you updated!

Recently, my husband’s ex from high school showed up saying they had a child together 13 years ago and their daughter now wants to get to know him.

They broke up right after high school and went to different unis. They were already broken up when she found out she was pregnant and since she wanted to go to med school, her parents offered to take care of the baby, but apparently banned her from telling my husband.

I’m 100% supportive of my husband getting to know his daughter, but at the same time, I have some financial concerns.

I came into this marriage with more assets, I earn more than him and financial stability is very important to me. The thought of something happening to him and losing part of my assets to his child terrifies me.

Sharing everything with my husband never bothered me before, because that’s part of marriage, but him suddenly having a daughter is not what I signed up for. Therefore I want a postnuptial agreement that protects my assets.

When I told this to my husband, he got very frustrated with me, saying that he just found out he has a daughter and he wasn’t in her life for the first 13 years. He is still in shock and one of the first things I do is come at him with a postnup, making it seem like I'm preparing to divorce him.

I think I'm justified in wanting a postnup and I've spent the last 2 months being extremely supportive of him and helping him manage this situation. I don't see why wanting a peach of mind for myself is that bad, but one of my friends also said that I'm kind of an asshole for bringing up a postnup and it's not like my husband is likely to die anytime soon that makes me really need this. AITAH?

Seven-year-old’s birthday party; invite said “no gifts” but a few people brought wrapped presents. When the last parents (fake names Joe & Sue) arrived my daughter asked if they brought a gift; Sue saw the other gifts and looked clearly embarrassed for not having brought one, and said she thought the invite said “no gifts.” We were standing in front of the other parents who had just given their gifts so I didn’t make a big deal about it, and I said something like “No, no, you’re right we didn’t ask for anything; she’s spoiled enough as is haha….” Unbeknownst to me, Sue quickly made a card and added it to gift pile. After cake Joe and Sue’s son ran up in front of everyone and asked my daughter to open the card (we had not planned on opening gifts at the party); my daughter pulled out a $100 bill and everyone gasped, basically, and of course my daughter was elated (followed by my daughter opening the other very small, inexpensive presents). Joe seemed upset and withdrawn the rest of the party, and Sue acted like this was a completely normal gift. My partner had none of this context, and so later when I told my partner how this all transpired they were upset we may have done the wrong thing by not returning the gift, because Joe and Sue clearly felt guilted into it. AITA?

We live in the middle of nowhere and host a July 4th BBQ and firework show for my family. Last year my SIL Megan decided she didn't want her daughter (3) drinking from a plastic cup. Megan went into my kitchen and went through my cabinets and found my Chip (from beauty and the beast) that my mother got me at Disneyland. In giving a ceramic mug to her toddler it was dropped and broken. She did not tell me about it and saw it in the trash. I asked a cousin who was inside the kitchen and he saw Megan tell her daughter “not to tell anyone that she broke it” I confronted Megan and the scene got very ugly mainly because I asked why do you think it's okay to go through people’s stuff and break them while being guest in the house. She tried to tell me her daughter got the cup and I said the cup was on a shelf in an upper cabinet and couldn't have reached it.

Megan acted like I was in the wrong because plastic cups are bad and her daughter doesn’t drink from them. I told her toddlers shouldn’t be drinking from coffee cups and apologize when they break something. This put a rift between Megan and I and she has yet to apologize so when it came around time for this year's 4th of July bbq, Megan is off the guest list. My husband told my MIL who said I’m still going at it over a stupid cup and he should divorce me for being so petty. So now my MIL and some of my husband’s family isn’t coming and I say good. My husband wants me to drop cup issues but it’s not only about the cup. It’s because his sister felt entitled to go through my cabinets, take an item out, her daughter breaks my beloved cup, she covers it up and puts it in the trash, tells her daughter to lie about it, and when confused plays the victim and refuses to apologize for HER behavior and blames me. I don’t want that deceitful bitch in my home.

Not sure if this goes here but it kind of applies. Also warning if you don’t want to hear about a child getting hurt.

I was working a weekend gig at a carnival/outdoor festival circa 2002. My station for the day was working the large inflatable slide - steps going up on the right side and the slide on the left with a pad on the bottom. Basically my job was to keep the line moving smoothly with minimal injuries. When a kid was at the top, I’d send the next up. This would give the child plenty of time to move off of the landing zone once they got to the bottom and free from any possible danger from the next participant.

Everything was running fine until Karen showed up. Her child was about 7 and minded my instructions well but when he reached the bottom, he began jumping up and down. No problem, he had a few seconds before the next child reached the top but I asked him kindly to come down. He made his way over until Karen told him he could keep jumping. I gave it a few more seconds until the next child was ready to come down and asked the mother to please remove her child. She then started to borderline yell at me that her son wasn’t hurting anything. At this point I had to tell the child at the top to please wait. I had a back and forth with the mother explaining that it’s for HIS protection and it was holding up the line. This went on for a while when finally other parents started to complain and shout while the line continued to backup. She yelled at me to just send the next kid down as her son would be fine and she would get him down… cue the MC.

The child who had been waiting patiently at the top was significantly larger and was wearing jogging pants and socks. As soon as I signaled for him to come on, he jumped straight up and hit the slide with max velocity! Pretty sure he set a high speed record because by the time he hit the landing zone he just skidded across the top and hit the other child with his feet. This sent the little boy flying about 10 feet onto the pavement. I didn’t say a word and neither did Karen. I just stared at her while she picked up her screaming child off of the pavement and left.

Anyway, I did feel bad for the child but I hope Karen learned a valuable lesson.

My step-mom (40) and my dad (55), are going to get married next month. They have been trying to have a baby for the past 3 years. At some point, they decided to go to a doctor to see why she cant get pregnant. The doctor said she cannot have kids. Yesterday, i went out to dinner with them two. I havent seen her in 2 years and it was her first time seeing me in 2 years.

The whole time she was laughing about how i started getting more pimples, got fatter and the way i walk. I got mad and started shouting about how she made my childhood hell.

Once, (I was 7) She conviced my dad not to feed me for 3 days and to lock the kitchen because she said, apparently i was too fat to eat.

Another time, she bought me a new bike. But it was too big for me (she knew that damn well) and told me to go for a ride with the new bike while she sat down for tea. First i didnt want to, but she kept telling me to go. I got mad, got up and started riding my new bike. Not after even 1 minute, i fell to the ground. She heard my screaming and came running to me, she started laughing while she was holding me while we were walking home. When my dad came, he ran right away to the pharmacy and got me bandages. The whole time my step-mom was laughing.

She did a lot of other things, but i wont stay to name them all right now.

While i shouted, the whole restaurant was looking at us, my step-mom opens her mouth and says 'It wasnt even that bad, stop overreacting' while my dad just sits quiet.

I get up and say 'I'm so glad you cannot have kids, I'm so fucking happy that no kid has to put up to a bitch like you, fuck you'

Now im on my way, walking home while i wrote this, I do not want to say sorry unless she tells me to, i hate her so fucking much.

For context, I (M30) was invited to a family trip by my brother (M34), with my mom (F62), my uncle (M58) and two cousins (M30) and F(33). Everyone mentioned in this trip has a significant other except for me and my mom who is a widower. When planning the trip and picking the house my brother indicated that my mom and I would have to share a room. I let them know that I am not comfortable with this for two reasons, one, My mom is a 62 year old woman who deserves her own space and should not have to share with anyone, and two, I am a 30 year old adult man who should have his own room. I even offered to pay the difference with regard to a bigger AirBnB.

My brother and his wife then got all huffy and puffy saying they would share the room with my mom and that "you don't need your own room, you're single, and are being selfish" and offered to share the room with my mom and I would take theirs. Now I don't want to speak for my mom but she is too nice to stand up for herself in these contexts. I have spoken to her and know how she feels, however, she just said that she is okay with that arrangement to make my brother happy.

The truth is, she told me that it makes her feel like an afterthought and that after losing my dad she feels like she is treated as less important or valuable, due to stuff like this. (this is not the first time my brother has tried to pull something like this). She told me it made her feel like he or anyone else in the family did not really care about her to even consider giving her her own space. She was also upset that nobody else was asked to share the double room, (two queen beds).

For context she is my uncles older sibling, the oldest in my family, and feels like my cousins and uncle always treat her like less, and nobody else will be sharing a room (except their spouses or kids).

I just feel like we should all have our own rooms and they should all be equal. I don't want to have to share a room just because I am single, while my brother basically rolls out the red carpet to everyone else, (giving my cousin the master bedroom even though my brother is planning the trip) or force my mom to have to do the same thing. When I offered to just not come, since it would solve all the problems, they got all huffy and puffy again calling me dramatic and saying I am disrespecting the family. So AITA here?

It's well known that people crave paying extra to have "priority boarding" for an airplane but it isn't better because you get stuck waiting on the plane for the next 25 minutes anyway for everyone to board. You also have to line up 10 minutes early and sit there waiting.

It's much better to roll up 5 minutes before doors close and be the last to board. You don't get stuck waiting. Especially with assigned seats these days it doesn't matter to get on first.

Obligatory: not my story, but a friend of mine gave me permission to share on here!

So, my buddy/roommate (let’s call him John) works as an attendant for a VERY fancy, expensive golf course. Membership only. The hours are pretty rough and the pay is OK, but he gets to golf for free, so it works for him. Lots of Boomers and wealthy folks, though.

The other morning John had gotten to work before the crack of dawn. He’s tired, didn’t sleep well, but was doing his thing, setting up the range. About an hour or so into his shift, this older gentleman (let’s call him Dave) and a couple of his buddies come by in a golf cart. Dave starts telling John that he’s doing it wrong, and if he does it this other way then it should be much easier. John kinda laughs it off, but he’s been working there for nearly 2 years so it’s not like he’s new at this. Tries to do it the way Dave suggested. It is in fact not easier to do it that way. John gets irked because it’s 6:30am and this man is trying to tell him how to do his job.

Well, when John gets back to the clubhouse, he checks the sheets to see who is out on the course. It’s super early and there aren’t a lot of people out, so it’s not hard for him to figure out which one is Dave. John notices that on the sheet, Dave said he wasn’t taking a golf cart (it’s a little box you check), and thus he wasn’t charged the $40 fee that members pay for a cart. John informs the supervisor & manager, and they make sure it gets charged to his account. It’s not much, but it felt good.

Tldr; older guy tries to tell me buddy how to do his job at 6:30am, so my buddy makes sure he gets charged the $40 fee to rent a golf cart.

I am not OOP. OOP is and they posted on

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. See rule 7. This sub has a 7-day waiting period so the latest update is at least 7 days old.

Editor's Note: when OOP says the word "rapport," she means "repertoire."

June 11, 2024

So before I even start I want to say I AM NOT A HATER. I love the arts so much. I wanted to be an actress when I was a kid as well, until I saw what it takes. My father has been in the entertainment industry for 30 years he has been a comedian, producer, television writer, actor anything under the sun my father has done it. As a child, I have helped my father a lot: acting in audition tapes, watching his shows, helping him promote, reading his tv scripts, listening to his comedy bits. Me and my whole family even did an episode on the discovery channel. I have done and seen it all.

My father is now a really great comedian. He’s not world famous but he has some videos that went viral, and appeared on a few tv shows. However, he has shown me what it takes to become an actor. That is to become viral!! Multiple times agents have turned down my dad because he doesn’t have 50,000 to 100,000 followers. It was heartbreaking because my dad had this amazing rapport, but since he is not internet famous he gets cast aside. Don’t get me wrong he makes pretty decent money now, but nowhere near Kevin Heart or Gabriel Iglesias.

Now I saw my bf's little cousin and she was talking about how she is bouncing around careers. She is thinking about either becoming a musician, actress, or animator. Her cousin went to Juliard and has been on broadway, she is a huge hero for her. I told her honestly as a person whose family has been in the entertainment industry I would say do animation. Nowadays they are looking for people to go viral, and it can be very difficult to become an actress unless you were a child actor. I also explained how people are getting turned down if they don’t have at least 100,000 followers.

To add to this his cousin does not have a rapport. She has done a few musicals for her high school but that is about it. She has not taken acting classes, she has not participated in an acting program, nor does she have an internet following. She is only 16 but I was just trying to show her the reality. Out of all that, I believed animation would be a wonderful segway into the entertainment industry. However, she still wants to try to get into an arts school and build an acting rapport through her university. I said alright you do what’s best I suggest that you try to find an acting program while you’re still this young.

My bf then tells me “Why did you tell her that? That’s not true!”

I was like EXCUSE ME!?? “Um yes they are. That’s LITERALLY why my dad has been turned down from several roles, along with HUNDREDS of other actresses”

He said “No you can go to a University and build connections and become a theater actress that way, being an influencer isn’t acting. That’s not what there looking for.”

I responded “ THATS EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE LOOKING FOR!! They want a fanbase to buy tickets to their movies and shows that’s why they want people with a following.”

After that, I left. I was not about to have him mansplain to me a subject OF WHICH HE HAS NO FUCKEN EXPERIENCE!! I wasn’t trying to be rude to her. I thought I was just trying to give her the best advice. Was I truly discouraging?

Relevant Comments:

:

My BA is in Speech/Theater. I went to school with people who now have Grammys, Oscars and Emmys. I know others with nominations in them all. I know people who made it to Broadway, know a guy who is a really, really big deal in the Marvel Universe and know a ton of award winning writers.

None of this means anything in terms of return on investment for a degree.

And even if you get all those accolades, you can still be living in a box under the overpass.

But, you can't convince a young artist the hard facts. You warned her. Now leave it alone. Smile and nod at ever musing of the dream. If you have the time, buy a ticket to her show, post a congratulations. When the inevitable comes, just say I told you so to yourself.

:

I have been trying to explain this. Tell me as a fellow person in the entertainment industry do you believe that there was some truth to what I am saying? And that my partner is being extremely naive?

:

O I left the industry almost as soon as I began because there is soooooo much truth to what you are saying. I was in acting and music a very long time ago before influencing was a thing. I vividly remember the rumors going around about Puff (before he became Diddy) and to never be alone with him, don't sign to him, etc. Within the writing world, which I dabble in occasionally now, some publishers want you to have a large following to publish your book.

Then you go through all of this to make pennies on the dollar because pay is not the same. Pennies for millions of music streams. Pennies for millions of views on streaming services. Writing on a show now condensed to a few weeks vs months to the point you don't even qualify for health insurance because you either don't work enough or didn't make it.

She would do better by doing exactly what you said, creating her own platform and going viral. She would at least keep 100% of the profits vs pennies she has to split 5 ways.

:

Question - what do you think rapport means?

:

It’s like building a name, presence, brand, or gaining experience

:

I think you meant “repertoire” rather than “rapport”?

:

YES THANK YOU THAT WAS THE WORD!!

:

NW

I teach theatre to youth. The most difficult is knowing that even IF a kid has that “IT factor” their chances are slim. If that child can dance, sing, play an instrument, then it goes up. Add in them knowing more languages. Being adorable or cute or very pretty.

Bonus points if they are visibly a child of colour.

Extra bonus points if they can actually act!

The industry is tough as nails.

Parents want the best for their kids, and I tell them to ensure the child gets an education with a degree to fall back on. There is no guarantee. Never, ever. Go to school, work hard and fingers crossed.

I shot several pilots, was an understudy for a huge musical that came into my city. But, my “break” never came. I am grateful for the time I have had trying for it professionally, I now work more in community theatre and enjoy knowing I always have a place here.

You did your best. The most difficult is trying to explain to someone how hard it actually is.

Especially when they have no clue and the fact that if they fall into the “pretty” category they will hear how “easy” it is.

I have a student right now, she got an agent. Has done some commercials, modelling. She HAS talent and an IT factor. Her agent wanted her in L.A. for pilot season, which I agreed with.

But… she flakes out too much, so much so, her father has told her post secondary school would be better until she matures enough and realizes that it is a business that needs to be worked on every single day, a lifestyle to live in. I also agree with him. She currently has no drive right now other than it can be fun for her, she says she wants it, but…

And that is another thing. Your drive has to be there. Every day. Every moment you have to want to continue going, like your dad does.

You did your best OP. It is best to leave it alone. Unless the cousin seeks you out for assistance, guidance, or support, just leave it in the past.

If your BF brings it up, simply state you have spoken from a place of wisdom of observance and knowing.

Continue to move forward. All the best!

:

Natalie Merchant was talking about how people don't want to book her because she doesn't have a large social media following. We're talking about one of the most talented singers.

:

YNW Lots of people react poorly to being told that their dream or their family member dream is harder to attain than they want to believe. Your boyfriend, and possibly his cousin, didn't want to hear the truth, and lashed out because of it. They're wanting to substitute real reality for the reality that's in their heads, which says the cousin is about to be the next huge hit with almost no work.

If I were you, I'd wait a bit to cool down. then write him an email explaining briefly how the industry works, and how you know that's how it works, and then explaining that his mansplaining was both, wrong, insulting, and hurtful, and that you want an apology. Say you're sorry that the reality of show business is harsh, but that's reality, and him throwing a tantrum isn't going to change that. Hopefully your boyfriend will pull his head out of his ass. If not, then you'll have to figure out how to navigate a larger problem with your guys' relationship. Good luck.

:

I got a scholarship for theater. One of my professors pointed out the average salary for theater majors after graduation was 6k. Most of us changed majors. I know one guy who didn’t, moved to NYC, got a job at Starbucks. Saw him in a JG WENTWORTH commercial a few years ago.

:

I work in entertainment law. Everything that came out of your mouth was the gods honest truth and though you can never spare the determined (otherwise LA would run out of waitresses), you can mentally prepare her for life in that industry.

If it was hard for me to just be a paper pusher behind the talent - I can only imagine how world crushingly hard it is to be the actual person in the spotlight. I don’t even wish it upon my children or the children of my enemies.

Do us all a favor - be a dentist or something.

:

Dude you should read all the comments telling me about how you don’t need a media following from people who have 0! Experience in the industry. It made me laugh so hard

:

It takes a near Ivy League degree, a social presence, a near perfect LSAT & GPA, judicial clerkships and nepotism connects just to be an agent - and that’s just being the mfer that writes the contracts. I got in as a clever diversity hire with work ethic, and I know they know I’m a DEI pick.

What y’all do is crazy. And the speed in which you can go hot to not - especially with the break neck velocity of Reddit criticism is wild. Couldn’t be me. Stardom can’t be wished upon. But then again, stranger shit has happened in Hollywood and Broadway.

:

I recently missed out on two projects … why? Bc the kids of two famous people got my job instead. Why? Bc the kids of famous people tend to always go into wardrobe. And instead of bing a paid hired position like it should be… they are using them as interns. And they can afford to be interns bc their parents are super famous actors.

Also lots of people are currently struggling after the last two strikes. They are losing their health insurance bc they didn’t work enough hours bc of them.

And we still don’t know if IATSE will come to an agreement or there will be strikes.

The industry is about to get a lot harder.

:

People need to learn their own lessons.

People rarely react to the reality of situations with with grace and patience. She’s also young. Add youth into the mix and honestly, nothing you may say will sink in now. It’s all about making sure our young ones have soft places to land when they fall.

You’re not wrong with your message and the info/guidance you gave. You’ve said your piece. Now drop it.

It’s her life to live, not yours. We can guide and advise but we can’t choose for others.

Update (Same post, 1 day later)

The argument made the house a bit heated for a while. Usually, I come back and try to work things out or have a more understanding perspective. However, this time I couldn’t! I just felt so disrespected that he would try to mansplain to me a subject he knows nothing about!

Eventually, he came back and apologized to me. He said, “I am so sorry, I don’t even know why I tried to argue with you. I truly don’t have any experience in this field, and what I did amounted to nothing.”

I said, “Listen, I understand there are a lot of things I don’t know about. That’s why I always try to listen and understand when you have a different opinion. But this! This is the one thing that I KNOW FOR A FACT! Why can’t you just take my word for it this one time? It makes me feel like you can’t trust what I tell you.”

He said, “I know, and I was thinking about that as well. You almost always engage with me in these kinds of conversations, and it should not have been hard for me just to say you’re right because you are! I am your partner; I shouldn’t be making you feel like you don’t know anything because you know WAY more than I ever could. I guess I’m just used to always talking that way with my family and you. I am very sorry, but I am going to work on it.”

So I decided to forgive him. However, he owes me boba today 😂. Also lastly the word was not Rapport it was Repertoire!

Reminder: I am not OOP. Do NOT comment on Original Posts. No Brigading! See rule 7.

Cars just keep getting safer, with lane assist, auto-braking, 15+ airbags, etc.. A lot of these newer cars drive smoother at 100mph than a car 25 years ago did at 65mph. You would think that would be a good thing, right?

Nah, all its done is made everyone on the road think they're freaking invincible. Combine that with the fact that basic commuter cars are making more HP than a lot of 90s muscle cars.

All that has done is embolden these angry road bastards. You can floor the average car and fly by traffic at warp speed. Warp speed doesn't even feel fast anymore and auto-braking has probably saved many an angry brake checker from horrendous accidents.

I am not OOP. OOP is and they posted on

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. See rule 7. This sub has a 7-day waiting period so the latest update is at least 7 days old.

Trigger Warning: mentions of past abuse, threats of suicide, suspected abuse

Mood Spoiler: super sweet and palate-cleansing

June 18, 2024

So for background, my past relationship was very abusive (on her part), it started with lovebombing and moving forward ridiculously quickly, then onto her threatening to take her own life, pointless arguing 24/7, lying about things like going into a Psych ward, making me stop being friends with several people, cheating etc.

Luckily, I got out of that over a year ago after two years of going through it. Fast forward to now, my current girlfriend is an absolute sweetheart. She spoils me and treats me amazing, we currently live together and have cats, and our personalities mix so well and I hope I treat her just as well as she treats me. However, a big part of how we display love, at least I do is physical playing. I tickle her, we like to bump into each other on sidewalks to throw each other off, we do that “taser” thing to each other (where you poke under the rib cage) when we’re caught off guard and I like to try to hide and scare her. She’s never vocalized any discontent with anything and the things she has I immediately stopped doing.

However, I saw a post on TikTok today saying physical abuse tends to start these ways as a form of “testing limits” and as someone who’s been on the receiving end of that and was raised by abusive/narcissistic people, I haven’t been able to stop overthinking it. I mean, the comments were off on the post so maybe it received a large amount of backlash but I have no way of knowing and maybe I am abusing her without realizing it. What should I do?

For context, the post said: “Did you know physical abuse can start as flicking, poking, biting, tickling, squeezing, throwing things, knocking you off balance, and laying on you?”

Relevant Comments:

:

For context the post said: “did you know physical abuse can start as: flicking, poking, biting, tickling, squeezing, throwing things, knocking you off balance, and laying on you?”

This is true. However, the difference between your relationship and the kind the post describes is that in your relationship, you both consent to and enjoy these behaviors, there is not a power imbalance, and you are not doing these things to maintain power and control over her or to cause her fear and intimidation.

:

You're not testing limits. You are playing with your girlfriend. There's a very big difference. People testing limits tend to:

*Not respect when you say no

*Whine, cajole, coerce, and guilt when told no

*Make it so unpleasant to say no that the other person stops saying no, then slowly escalate their behavior

:

She’s never vocalized any discontent with anything and the things she has I immediately stopped doing

This is the difference right here. The testing limits abusive kind don’t stop doing it when they’re told it’s unwanted.

:

I think it would be fine to remind her that if she ever felt uncomfortable with your poking, pushing, tickling, etc, to let you know and you'll stop immediately.

:

I did tonight, after she was done with her bath I showed her the TikTok and we talked. She gave le some reassurance and I feel a bit better. I just overthink a lot and I know there a lot I do that I do need to work on as a result of past abusive relationships.

:

Op you Sound like a delightful human being. Your concern shows that you aren’t abusing your partner because you stop when she shows she doesn’t like something and you’re loving and caring towards each other. That’s respect and abusers don’t tend to have respect for the person they are abusing. To make yourself feel better, maybe you guys can talk about it and set limits or boundaries about how “far” your playfulness goes so you’re both comfortable and aware of each others limits. Best to you both!

:

Thank you very much from this, posting about this in the end has been a really positive experience that promoted a really good conversation with my girlfriend. I definitely feel a lot better now

(OOP's girlfriend):

i love you <3

:

Not even an alt account is safe with this one…

:

Wait stop this is so cute 🥺

June 19, 2024

After that post received an insane amount of attention me and my girlfriend  wanted to address a few things.

First, there were a lot of comments calling the post fake, honestly I wish. When I posted it yesterday I wasn’t exactly having a great time and was dealing with a lot. She didn’t “find the alt account” per se, but I did forget she knew about it. She knew I posted something on Reddit and went and found it herself while she was in the bedroom. I can’t confirm that this wasn’t some whole plot for upvotes lmao but if this helps at all here 

Before addressing any of the negative leaning comments I did want to say thank you, a lot of the replies made me feel way more normal with how me and her interact and it prompted a really good discussion with her about boundaries and things that we like/don’t like. Also, we’ve both loved reading everyone’s replies, she really is the sweetest human ever and I truly don’t know I got so lucky with her.

Lastly, There were a lot of comments that were almost mad that I “took advice from a TikTok”. Yesterday I made this post while I was having a bit of a rough moment. For some background I was raised by an abusive parent, spent years dealing with custody battles, narcissism etc and just about a year ago got out of a long term abusive relationship. I think anyone that grows up with that is going to have the fear of “growing up to be them” and with me that’s certainly still the case. My girlfriend is great, and I overthink a lot about how I treat her because she treats me so well. So when I saw that post, everything considered, it did shake me up a bit.

To wrap it up, I’m feeling a lot better now, we’re both laying on the couch together reading everyone’s replies, and to the people that asked I will certainly update once we’re married.

Relevant Comments:

:

Another good step in the right direction. Now take the next and most important:You need to seek therapy for yourself.

While a good relationship is about support and reassurance, your gf can't be your only source for this. Your trauma, self doubt, the lingering effects, and your coping mechanisms are your responsibility. Constantly using your gf as your main source of support will wear down any relationship, no matter how wonderful, and cause resentment. It's also a form of abuse.

You sound like a great person, who's found a great person, don't let your past ruin it by not doing everything you can to overcome it.

:

I'd rather my partner be concerned he was being abusive unintentionally and we figure it out than my partner be abusive unintentionally but not have the self awareness to realize. Be proud that you care about your significant other enough to look inwards with a critical eye and ensure that you are treating her how she deserves to be treated. Next time you have concerns, talk to your girlfriend and express your concerns for your own behavior and ask how she feels about and trust what she says. You two are a small amount of work away from being a perfect couple, honestly my only notes are don't talk to reddit, talk to her and trust what she says. None of either of y'all's comments give me the impression that you guys feel unsafe talking to each other so treasure that and talk it up. You two are incredible and I hope y'all go all the way as long as you both are happy. And stay goofy. 🩷

:

Ah congratulations to self awareness, maturity, and general empathy and concern towards your loved ones! Did you know they have to teach this to college students in a class called success is college? It’s insane. I am happy to see you concern and resolve thereof. While the sneaky part of your girlfriend snooping for ur post probably wasn’t great… I’ll admit that I am also a woman that would do this. The fact that it didn’t end in an explosion or argument IS great. I hope you too stay healthy and happy for a very long time!

:

i needed to make sure everyone was being nice and not saying that he was abusing me, apologies, but i did not have the most faith in reddit lol

:

Hahahaha still confused on why you looked, what exactly did he say that made u know he posted?

:

he was being weird and i think i saw a reddit notification and kinda put the pieces together or somethin like that. i do just know him really well and i just knew (he’s wrong i asked if he posted it he didn’t tell me right away)

:

To be fair, and I honestly should have addressed this, her finding it was after we talked about it, and after I told her I posted it on Reddit. It wasn’t really a sneaky thing after I’d already expressed I put that out and I wasn’t offended by it at all. I get your concern though 100%

:

Not really much concern here from me! I don’t see it as super unhealthy. Some of us are just naturally born detectives. Thanks for clarifying though as to how she found out ahahahaha!!!!!!

:

I've noticed an ongoing problematic trend in relationship subreddits, literally any post that mentions a male being abused is called out as fake, yet we have posts where a woman's partner literally acts like a cartoon villain or worships his mother like a god and is blind to his mother's abuse and it is the bible or some shit. I've also noticed that there is an extremely loud minority that will literally twist the narrative and LEAP to conclusions just to make the guy seem bad.

:

this was why i looked for his post in the first place. i was scared people would feed into him being anxious and make him think he was actually abusing me lol

Editor's Note: Although OOP has said he will update when he and his girlfriend get married, the issue he posted about is resolved, so I am marking this concluded.

Reminder: I am not OOP. Do NOT comment on Original Posts. No Brigading! See rule 7.