His over tightening jar lids has been an issue since he was just visiting at my house when we were dating. First it started with just things he used and then over time it became every damn glass jar with a metal lid. He'd tighten them so much I couldn't open them without assistance. It wasn't a huge deal if he was there, but if I was alone, it was so annoying. More times than I can count, I've opened a new jar of something because I couldn't get the jar open.

It's been a recurring cycle over the past 5 years. It's just a thing that would escalate until I had a major meltdown and freaked out, screaming, frustrated and seemingly crazy because it's just a lid. Then it would get better for a while, then it would slowly become an issue again. Just getting worse and worse until I reach a breaking point again. Sometimes I literally feel insane for being so upset over jar lids.

He initially claimed that he did it to 'keep food fresh'. After many arguments about it, and my insistence that I don't believe it keeps anything fresh and even if it does make things last longer I don't care if it means I can't eat my freaking food when I want. I'll just replace things that go bad because they are closed normally. Then the excuse was that it's a habit.

So about a month ago my husband had a family emergency and had to travel out of state for 10 days. First day he's gone, I discover a jar I can't open. I was annoyed and was going to the store to buy new pickles when the neighbor said hi and to let him know if I needed anything while stbex is out of town. I said wait here and got the jar which he opened.

The next day I saw him outside and asked him to open another jar. He offered to come open all the jars. I agreed and he came in and he went to the fridge and opened all the jars except 2, which he couldn't get open.

I thanked him profusely and told him I'd baked some of his favorite cookies later in the week. He laughed and said it was no big deal and after confirming that I wouldn't be upset if the remaining two jars were destroyed in his attempt to open them, he took them home to his garage to open them one way or another.

He said that he's heard me screaming about over tightened jar lids a few times over the years and he's really pondered if I was crazy or if my husband was really over tightening the jar lids.

He said you know this was intentional. It was every jar, and I'm sure he doesn't regularly use hot pepper paste or mango puree or any of your other fancy cooking stuff. Then he held up the two jars he couldn't open and said, I don't know why he's doing it but it wasn't an accident.

After he left, I locked the door and sat on my kitchen floor and cried. Then I felt hot and light headed. I vomited in the trash can. My chest hurt. It crossed my mind that I might be having a heart attack. I thought about calling an ambulance but sat back down on my kitchen floor instead okay with just dying if it was a heart attack.

Later the neighbor came back with the opened jar of hot fudge and apologized that he couldn't save the figs. He said he broke the jar trying to get it open. He also apologized for what he said about my husband doing it on purpose. I assured him it was okay.

I couldn't sleep that night. Tossed and turned all night. I called out of work. By 10 am, I realized that I couldn't stay married anymore and I made an appointment with a lawyer for the next day.

There are literally no other issues, no cheating, no abuse, we had a good sex life, both have good jobs, nice house, no financial issues. He was absolutely blindsided when he came home and I told him I wanted a divorce.

He still won't admit that he tightened the lids on purpose. He suggested we go to marriage counseling, but I refused. There is no point. I just literally can't get past the god damned jar lids. I still feel a little bit crazy about that. I have no idea why he would tighten every jar lid so tightly that I couldn't open it. He has given me no reason. He still won't even admit that he did it on purpose. But the hot pepper paste is in the back of the fridge. I use it only when I make Indian food. It's behind other things. He's never used it. It's nothing you could put in food without cooking it. The pepper paste could not have been an accident. It couldn't. Maybe he put mango puree on his toast or in his oatmeal, but the pepper paste couldn't have been an accident.

That's what my life comes down to. I'm getting a divorce because the lid to my hot pepper paste was over tigh. If it had been every jar except that one, I could try. I could have a sliver of doubt. I could do something else but I just can't get past the hot pepper paste.

Most of our friends and families either think I'm crazy or an AH. What do you think?

I (29f) have been friends "Claire" (28f) since high school. We have a small group of friends that has stayed close since then.

Claire is pregnant and had her baby shower yesterday. I wore a white and blue floral sundress. I didn't think anything of it because, as far as I know, white is only inappropriate for bridal events.

When I arrived at the shower, Claire's mood seemed to immediately sour and she was really cold toward me. Later, one of my other friends pulled me aside and asked me to leave. She said that Claire was offended by my "attention seeking behavior" and that it was inappropriate to wear white to Claire's event. I left.

I'm super confused. Like I said, I thought the white rule only applied to bridal events. Our friends are refusing to take sides but a couple have told me I should apologize even if I don't think I'm wrong. AITA?

I'm in a bit of a mess right now and could really use some outside perspective. My (29F) soon-to-be ex-husband (34M) and I have been together for 6 years and married for 4, though it feels more like we have only been married for three. When we got married, we signed a prenup. One of the clauses stated that if either party cheated, they would forfeit their right to a substantial portion of our shared assets. At the time my husband made more than me because I was still working on my master's degree.

Fast forward to about a year ago, I found out that my husband had been having an affair with a colleague for almost a year because his AP messaged me and told me how my STBX loved her and how I was a bitch for refusing to divorce him. I was devastated. After confronting him, he admitted to it, apologized profusely, and begged for another chance. But the trust was shattered, and I couldn't see a way to repair our marriage.

As we started the divorce proceedings, I brought up the cheating clause in our prenup. My husband was shocked and tried to convince me to overlook it, saying that enforcing it would be vindictive and ruin his financial stability. The judge, however, disagreed, and gave a ruling that the prenup will be followed because it is considered valid in our state. After the hearing got his family involved, who accused me of being cold-hearted and vengeful. They argued that people make mistakes and that I was using this as an opportunity to "screw him over" financially.

Here's the thing: I worked hard for everything I have. After I got my master's degree and got my new job, I earn significantly more than him, and most of our assets came from my income and investments. The prenup was meant to protect us both, especially him, considering the disparity in our financial contributions at first, but now it protects me more than him.

By enforcing the clause, he stands to lose a considerable amount of money and assets. I understand that this will significantly impact his life, but I also feel that actions have consequences. Cheating is a serious betrayal, and the clause was there to protect me from exactly this situation.

My friends are divided on the issue. Some say I'm justified and that he knew the risks when he cheated. Others think I'm being too harsh and that I should show some compassion, especially since he's already apologetic and remorseful and they know, with my savings, I could easily buy him out of the house and start over. My lawyer said this is what prenups are for: to protect pre-marriage and post-marriage assets. I just feel bad because I know what he stands to lose, even though he tore my heart to shreds.

AITA?

So my family is my dad, mom, my two sisters and my two brothers. I'm (17m) the oldest. My dad was estranged from his dad since he was my age. His mom died when he was 10. So we never knew grandma either. My dad was open about the fact grandpa wasn't a very nice man and all kinds of stuff. But he never went into details. I know he really did a number on dad because I still sometimes see dad look ashamed if he spills something or makes a mistake. I also know he tries to hold back any time he cries and looks downright disgusted with himself for crying.

Three years ago his dad reached out and my mom and my sister (15) were SO excited and basically welcomed him into the family. Dad said no way. He and mom fought a lot about it. My siblings all told dad they had a right to know our grandfather and he should love his dad.

I was dragged along at first and I stopped going. Dad has refused to have any part in it and he and mom fought because he told her his father was never going to step foot inside our house and if he did, then dad would leave and he would never come back. So mom takes my siblings to see him.

Christmas was a huge fucking fight last year because they decided to spend it with this dude and my dad refused to go and so did I. My siblings started crying into dad's face that they wanted Christmas with him. Mom was calling him selfish. She tried to do the whole "I'm your mother and you listen to me" and dad told her he's my father and I could stay with him if I wanted to.

They're still sour about it but then dad took me out for his birthday and didn't come home until late because he found out they were planning to take him out to meet with his father. My dad told my mom and my siblings since he cannot trust them with his birthday, he will only celebrate with the people he can trust now. I also heard him tell mom this couldn't continue and they needed to divorce.

Now my mom is freaking out because she doesn't want the divorce and my siblings are really upset. They told me I should help since dad and I are still close. I told them they should learn to live with the consequences of their decisions. I pointed out to mom she was always big on us learning. I told them this is a big one. My mom told me my siblings are so young and don't deserve this. I told her it's all her fault because she undermined dad by making a point to demand he come in front of my siblings and so they think they can manipulate him and not listen.

AITA?

27F, 32M. We have only been dating for three months before I accidentally got pregnant. We used contraception, but it failed. Anyway, he was really excited and wanted to keep the baby. He promised we will live together soon and he will propose. At the end of my first trimester, none of it happened, he wasn’t even trying, so I did an abortion without his consent for two reasons: 1. He would have tried to convince me not to do it and I didn’t want to go through that. 2. I have made my final decision because he didn’t prove his promises and I was scared of being a single mother. I weighted on what I can and can’t do and it wasn’t one of the things I could have gone through, I am not strong enough to be raising a child by myself in the worst case scenario. Why haven’t I told him sooner? He already showed up unannounced at my house with the address he stole off my driver license to try and stop the abortion when I told him about heavily considering it. I thought it would be safer to just state the fact after it’s done.

I knew he would leave me after that and he did. But AITA?

EDIT: I forgot to add that he actually didn’t mind at first, and agreed to buy me a present for my birthday if I bought it first, meaning he would return the money. I did, but he never returned the money by saying he was too traumatised by an abortion all of a sudden weeks later, insulting me for the choice. Which is why I’m now questioning if I’m really an AH

EDIT: I have been in a really dark place before and with all people supporting me, you really made me cry. Thank you so much. I was almost feeling suicidal over my decision. And now I think it’s the first day I actually can feel like life is worth living

Reposting this as a reminder to raise a glass today to Ryan (thanks for the reminder from one of our members)

I am not the OOP. The OOP is posting in

Concluded as per OOP

1 update - Medium

- 15th May 2024

- 20th May 2024

AITA for spending my son's university fund on a trip to Europe to drink beer like I always threatened instead of giving it to his step brother after he passed away.

My son was smart. Smarter than me. I almost requested a paternity test because he was so damn intelligent. THAT IS A JOKE.

My ex and I divorced when he was about 12. She remarried when he was 14. I did when he was 16.

I had an RESP set up for him. That's a education fund in Canada. As long as he went for post secondary education he could use the money for anything.

I always told him that I was okay with him not going to university. That way I could use the money I had saved up for him to go to Belgium and buy some beer from monks that only allow you to buy one case.

He knew I was joking and he always played along. He wouldn't let me get his goat.

When he got accepted to McGill it was the proudest moment of my life. I took him out for a beer to celebrate his achievement and mourn the loss of my trip to Europe.

My son was struck and killed by a drunk driver in March. I'm dealing with it. My ex is dealing with it. My wife has been nothing but my rock in this. She is holding me up.

I was dealing with the funeral arrangements and everything when my ex came to talk to me about his money. She knew he had a scholarship and was just going to use the money for living expenses and an emergency fund. She asked me what I was going to do with it.

I said I was going to do what I always said I would. I was going to Europe to drink beer. She asked if she could have it for her step son. I thought about it and said no. Her husband is a decent enough person but he made it clear that he wasn't responsible for any expenses for my son. Beyond food and shelter and stuff obviously. Like I said he is decent.

I said I was not going to do that. I was going to go drink beer in my son's honour.

She says I'm wasting thousands of dollars. And I guess I am. I have to give back the government portion of the fund. But I don't care.

My ex thinks I'm being stupid and irresponsible wasting my son's money like this.

I don't care.

My son would laugh his ass off if he knew I actually did it.

Comments

No_Lavishness_3206

NTA. Sorry for your loss. I thought it was a clickbait title but this is a sad fucking post. I hope you enjoy your trip and pour out some for your homie. It sounds like you guys had a good relationship.

OOP: Thank you.

GamerCow3991

Dude, sorry for your loss, enjoy that beer in your son's honor, man, NTA

No-Alarm-2208

NTA You don’t owe your ex-wife’s stepson anything, OP. Sorry for your loss. Have that beer in Belgium in memory of your son.

milliepilly

I totally agree. You should never have been asked for that money. That was totally out of line. Please spend that money to find joy in this world through your sadness.

jasemina8487

especially while he was dealing with funeral arrangements. this is also the mother of thw deceased child too so instead of mourning her son she is acting like a damn vulture

jerseygirl1105

My first thought was SHE ASKED FOR MONEY AT THEIR SON'S FUNERAL??

MikeyMBCA

No, no, you misread... BEFORE the funeral. While he was making funeral arrangements for THEIR son. Jesus, OP's ex-wife is a ghoul. Wonder why they split up?

rocketdong69420

Wonder why they split up?

The world may never know.

**Judgement - NTA**

Update - 5 days later

Hi everyone. We are on our way to the airport and on our way to Barcelona. We will be going to be in Europe for a month. The visit to the monks at Westvleteren will be the last part of our trip. Two reasons. I don't want to lug beer bottles all over Spain, France, Belgium and Holland. Also I am putting it off for as long as I can.

For those of you that asked my son's name is Ryan. He was an amazing kid. I don't know if he got his love of the microscopic world from me. I did teach him how to make his own sourdough starter and I will be keeping his alive to make loaves and waffles with. His ashes are in our yard, on Mount Tremblant, on the shores of the St. Lawrence and I will be taking some to Belgium. My grandfathers have many friends buried there and I think they would approve.

I thank everyone that offered to buy me a beer. And while I appreciate the offer I'm pretty sure my liver, and my wife, would not have been happy with me. I will be with the monks on the week of June 23rd. If you would like to join me in a toast with your favorite drink of choice I would love that more. I love knowing that people all around the world know about my son and he would love knowing he was toasted in such a manner.

I spoke with my wife, my ex wife, her husband, and his son. I invited them to join us, at my expense, for the last week of my trip. My wife's stepson was friends with my son. I didn't know how close until we spoke. They are gaming buddies. They spoke almost every day playing online. He gave me a picture of my son I did not have. It is a picture of the two of them age about 14/15 at my ex wife's wedding to his father. My son looked great in his suit. I cried. He did too. We had a very awkward but heartfelt man hug. Then we laughed. They will be coming to say goodbye with us.

After talking to my accountant and my lawyer I was told that I could not have transferred him the value of the RESP. I have decided, after talking to my wife, that we are going to give him enough money to cover one year of tuition. Even after my trip we will have money left over. I'm trying to do some good with it. I also said that he could call us any time he needed since he will be attending school close to us. So funny he got accepted here and my son was accepted there.

I want to thank everyone who shared their condolences with me. I want to especially thank everyone that helped me plan my visit to Belgium. I know we won't see each other but you were invaluable.

I don't think I will have much to say after this. Maybe I will post an update after the trip.

Comments

SnausageFest

I love updates like this. Too many people here get wrapped up in this ultimate moral right. Recognizing you're not the asshole, but you are in a position to help others and choosing to do so is a lovely way to be and something we should all aspire to.

magneticMist

Truly, OP has an amazing head on his shoulders and heart in his chest.

svkatt

What a lovely update!! I will put a reminder to have an adult beverage in honor of Ryan the week of June 23rd.

Uniquorn527

I was going to say it would be great if OP can post an update on the day so we can be reminded and join each other with a drink to Ryan.

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

I (36f) am currently 10 weeks pregnant with my partner (41M). He and his sister are incredibly close and he insisted he wanted her to be the first to know we were expecting. I agreed on the basis she would keep it secret until I'd told my other two children (not partners).

We booked a quiet dinner for us and her and her partner whom I'd never met. Obviously I'm not drinking, but she bumped into her ex at the same restaurant and the shots started flowing. After the news there was a huge fuss by her about how excited she was for her brother and herself becoming an aunt. I got a very quick hug and that's it. I had a lemonade whilst they were doing shot after shot. My partner kept calling the waiter for another bottle of wine, and another round of shots. 8 times he reordered drinks, not once did he ask if I'd like another lemonade. SIL spent 6 hours telling us all over and over how her ex had cheated on her etc etc, so ultimately everyone was giving her sympathy the entire night and baby was not mentioned again. It was entirely about her, and once she finally moved on from the ex she began talking about how amazing she was etc- she is very beautiful there's no denying it, but it was very heavy. Add to that she was so drunk she knocked a bottle of red wine all over brand new suede boots I'd spent a lot of money on and just laughed. Partner merely said 'they're fine!' To shut me up.

Another 2 bottles of wine and approx 9 shots each, my still being sat in the corner sober and entirely ignored, still without a drink, she decided she wanted to go to a nightclub. Me pregnant and obviously not wanting to cause a scene (and unable to leave as we were staying at her place 300 miles from home) went along, albeit incredibly tired and feeling very sick. NOBODY asked if I was feeling ok or up for it. We get into the nightclub and I'm trying to avoid being pushed everywhere, and she then finally speaks to me, asks me to take pics of her with her brother, with her partner, and then group photos of the three of them- I was not asked to join or be in a single photo. A total stranger witnessed and insisted he would take one with me in it but she refused to smile and despite him saying so and to take another she walked away.

My partner said nothing, did nothing and I was pretty much a spare part /photographer the entire night without so much as a lemonade. In fact the only person that asked if I were ok and actually congratulated me was her partner whom was incredibly drunk and I'd only met 5 hours prior.

Whilst in the nightclub and despite being told it was still a secret she continued to loudly announce 'my brother's pregnant' and 'I'm going to be the best auntie ever!' All whilst pointing at her brother, my standing there again like a total spare part and trying not to cry. She then proceeded to call everyone in her phone and tell them all exactly the same with no mention of me whatsoever -again despite being repeatedly told it's a secret until my children are told, and the people she was calling have kids that are friend with mine.

AITA for being upset? Is this normal behaviour and I'm over reacting? I haven't said anything to either of them about it because it wouldn't make a difference anyway but I can barely look at him. I've raised similar issues with her being rude and acting like I'm invisible before and he always says I'm over reacting because he has a close family and I don't. So I know it wouldn't change a thing and he'd likely just call her and tell her everything I said anyway.

Link to original post:

Thanks for all the comments and validation, really gave me some perspective.

Here’s the update.

Just FYI this is my partner’s account as I don’t have my own.

My sister and I have had a rocky relationship since forever (due to childhood trauma), I’ve cut her off many times due to this kind of disrespect and breaking of boundaries. I’m not perfect myself but I want this relationship to work.

Our phone conversation ended in a screaming match where I stated she will only get the spare room, but she insisted it was unfair because she would pay more money!!

She later texted me a photo of a workmate holding up the middle finger with a text saying “(name) said you are being petty lmao”

I texted back in the fashion many of you suggested.

OP: “Tell him he’s a cunt”

OP: “You’re a guest at my home you’re not taking the master bedroom. That’ll be empty for two weeks”

Sister: “You cannot keep using the excuse "It will be empty for two weeks" How the fuck do you think I've had roommates before and how anyone that does FIFO have roommate before like I'm gonna go live in a small room for my break as Well as going back to work and living a small room again like awesome no luxuries sweet”

OP: “You are not a roommate! I’m doing you a favour by letting you have a roof over your head for a short while, you don’t get “luxuries” when it’s your only option. Also my “luxuries” get taken away in MY home because you say so???. your VERY out of touch with the average full time young adult living in a strangers room because that’s their only option, Absolutely not fair. I finally have something to myself After three years of shit…..”

Sister: “Girl you aren’t the very last and only option lmao your just the easiest”

OP: “Okay then my offer is off the table”

Would I be the asshole if I cut off this bitch off again?

edited to insert paragraph breaks properly

I (33F) unexpectedly gave birth 2 months earlier than my due date. Thankfully Baby and I are doing great and we've now made it home.

As you can imagine, coming that early meant Baby needed a rather long stay in the "infant spa" (NICU). Now that we're home and I've been able to process everything I wanted to share a moment of malicious compliance that helped bring some levity to a really scary experience.

One of the most important things for a baby (especially preemies) is skin-to-skin time, which is where mothers or fathers will be either topless or open their shirts to cuddle their infant. Baby struggled with jaundice, so our skin to skin time was very limited at first because of light therapy.

We had been moved to a new location in the NICU right next to another baby and across from two others. A standard of care in the NICU is monitoring the babies breathing, heart rate, and oxygen levels. These monitors look like an old school tube tv and are approximately 16 inches by 16 inches, and can display babies in other areas as well if the nurses need.

So I'm new to this little care area, and I'm getting ready to set up the hospital provided screen so I can get my skin-to-skin time, but realize I may end up blocking the monitor, for the baby next to me, from the nurse. I ask the nurse if she can still see or if my set up was blocking anything for her (obviously I don't want to interfere with the care of another patient). She tells me everything was good, so I settle in for some much needed snuggles.

Not even 10 minutes later I feel someone in my space, and look up to see a woman glaring down at me. Once I've made eye contact Karen starts in on me (while topless and holding baby, so very vulnerable) about how I'm blocking the nurse from caring for her baby. When I try to explain I asked before setting things up, she refuses to listen and continues to lecture and gets more aggressive and angry about how I'm causing her baby not to receive appropriate care and am "pushing her out of the care area".

After all the emotional stress and frustration of being in the hospital, I finally snapped, looked at the nurse and told her to take away the screen. The nurse was horrified and started saying "but your privacy", to which I replied firmly "it would seem my privacy and modesty don't matter as much as Karen's comfort, get rid of the screen."

This pissed off Karen even more as she realized she'd have to spend the next hour staring at my topless self. She got very annoyed and uncomfortable, especially when the doctors managing rounds and both got flustered and tried to insist I get a new screen. I may have been the AH, but I simply was done, and stared right back and said "according to my neighbor here, my privacy doesn't matter, so we all get to be uncomfortable". When I tell you "if looks could kill, I'd be dead" I'm not joking.

The doctors didn't want to deal with it, and the nurses who had to deal with it were laughing quite a bit. They then brought the screen back out and tried to show Karen that they can totally see all her baby's stats on any monitor, so there was no reason for this outburst.

I wish I could say this was the last time she freaked out about this, but she pulled this same kind of stunt almost every time I tried to snuggle my baby, until her baby was finally discharged a week later. But seeing the look of shock on her face when I just forced everyone to look at my boobs is probably going to make me giggle every time I think of it.

I was with my shitty husband for 10 years. We had a successful band together and toured all over for years. He asked an artist who had opened up for another certain famous artist in our genre to give us a good word and help us open for him on his next tour. My husband wanted that opportunity so bad as he thought the artist was badass af.

The friend ended up opening for the “badass af” artist so we didn’t get the tour. He never knew we tried though and didn’t know who we were as our name never got past the “friend” my husband asked to help us.

We divorced a few years later and I started dating again. My husband was a piece of shit. One of, if not the, worst people I’ve ever met in my life as far as how he takes advantage of people and fucks people over. One tiny example is he pawned my wedding dress and the 5 heirloom rings from grandmothers and great grandmothers that were passed down to me. He’s done even worse than that but I won’t get into it right now for the sake of getting to the point.

Anyway, the “badass af” musician came into my town and had been on bumble and matched with me. He didn’t know I was part of the band from before. He took me out for a weekend , wined and dined me every day, drove me to the festival he was performing at all weekend , bought me gifts, spent the whole weekend with me and asked me to go with him on a resort vacation.

Yes, I made sure my shithead ex husband found out about all of that. I told him how amazing he was when he performed , how nice he was, what a great weekend we had together , how he’s even greater in person, bla bla bla.

It was so satisfying.

Edit: Ok guys.. for those of you who are giving me shit about how I should have left him earlier and how I’m shitty … read on (I wasn’t gonna get into all this but it’s fair enough to give me shit without having the back story … and yes I’m sure he does have his own version of how it all went down but the facts are the facts in this scenario and I never did anything to harm him physically, financially, emotionally , reputation wise- even when he did the worst to me.)

..here’s some context : I grew up Christian where in my circle it was normal/ expected to get married young. I married him at 19 and he was 7 years older. I mention the Christian thing because I was taught that you trust your husband as the authority and that divorce was bad. Through the years , he was extremely abusive emotionally, financially , verbally, physically and it grew and grew each year. I stayed because I thought it was the right thing to do. I mentioned the thing about the selling of the heirlooms and dress because I was keeping it light vs bringing up a bunch of dark examples. I was very much isolated from my family and any objective reasoning until the end where I was a shell of myself and couldn’t go on anymore like that because I was self harming, severely depressed and unable to cope with life. After that, I made the brave decision to reach out to my family for support as I got away from him and filed for divorce. He fought he on it all the way just to be cruel. Our daughter died and he stole all the money from the gofund me that was raised in her name (tens of thousands of dollars),closed our joint bank account two days after she died, opened a new one in his name with a different bank, and got the person who set up the GFM to link it to his new bank account. He sent a bank statement to me with my account saying $0.00 as a final fuck you.

The things he did to me over the years are too much to even say. He abused me and my daughter and I tried everything to keep our marriage together — counseling for myself when he wouldn’t go , I read all the marriage books, I did everything I thought a good wife should do to support and love him, and it didn’t make a difference.

I could have done a lot to ruin his reputation but I’ve always been the bigger person.

So for fucksakes, I’m gonna proudly have this one.

I've been teaching for 6 years, at my last school for 2 years. I have a BA in History & MA in Education. My principal and administrative staff pulled me out of one of my classes during an intense lecture I was giving and ambushed me in the hallway to ask/tell me I was going to teach IB classes next year.

For those unaware, International Baccalaureate courses are intense classes for high school students that last from 1-2 years. These classes are intense, requiring what some teachers have said to be the time equivalent of a part time job for them to plan and prepare...without additional pay and not part of my contract!

For context, within the first two weeks of working at this school, I noticed the other side of the pendulum, the students with learning challenges, were being pushed aside in order to achieve the principal's goals of becoming an 'elite IB school.' I began advocating for these students and offered to teach co-taught class with a Special Education teacher in order to help these students achieve. It was a great success, seeing many of the former 'troubled' students actively being engaged in class, and through the grapevine, I was told I was one of their favorite teachers, since I 'got them.'

After the first semester, I heavily petitioned the staff to allow me to teach more of these specialized classes across my department. Here's the deal: there was no change in the curriculum, just in how I presented it to the shared class. Anyhow, the principal shot down my idea, but allowed me to continue with my lone class for the next year.

Back to the present: After the ambush, I went home and talked it over with my wife. She is my rock, and understood that I was troubled with the additional task of basically adding an additional 15 hours of work a week to my schedule. She said, "Go with your heart."

The next week I scheduled a meeting with the principal. I told him I was unprepared to teach the IB course THIS YEAR, but if he would give me this year to prepare the additional materials and create a curriculum, I would be good to go for the next. I also asked if there were any other additional classes he would like for me to put together to teach next year.

He said, "No, teach this course next year or look for another job." I asked about additional co-taught courses for the shared students who were overlooked, he said they were not important. I reminded him, yet again, I was currently working toward my PhD in History, in order to teach college-level courses in high school, so students could get dual credit and a jump on college and tech schools.

He laughed at me and said, I quote, "None of the additional education you have taken since you started working here benefits the school at all. No one cares."

This took the wind out of me. I love teaching. All of the additional work, time & effort spent away from my family has been in order to be a better teacher, a better example for my students.

I told him I would need to think about this, and quietly left the room.

I took the next day off, spending time with my family and speaking with my therapist. I am very lucky to have a wonderful support system.

I went back to work after that, and there were a number of staff that spoke to me privately. They agreed what he said was shameful. They shared that I was not the only teacher he spoke to this way; from changing failing grades to passing, to having teachers sponsor multiple extracurricular clubs, without pay. I went to my union rep and added my statement to his ever-growing pile of staff statements about the principal. I assured him I was willing to go to the school board, etc., just give me a call.

Yep, I decided I was done. I wrote the principal an outstanding resignation letter, full of positivity and thanking him for the wonderful opportunity to work at his school and to have learned from his 'outstanding' example of leadership.

Did I also mention I forwarded the email to the entire staff? There was no way he could publicly respond negatively to my resignation, and he was furious!

The majority of the staff knew what was going on. There were many smiles and fist bumps.

I was told by the office staff later there were 5 other teachers that resigned, making this the biggest turnover in staff in a decade. The principal now has to go before the School Board next month to explain what is happening at his school. I wonder if I am going to get a call?

My cousin Debra [33F] cost me [32M] $2000 AUD in our interstate holiday last year. She accidentally (and recklessly) slammed the door of our rental car into the neighbouring parked car. The rental car was under my name, and consequently I was liable for the excess payment. It's been over eight months and she has yet to pay me back.

Debra argued that the rental car was shared among all seven cousins. And that accidents were a part of the risk of sharing a rental vehicle. Given that all the cousins had initially agreed to split the costs of the trip, this $2,000 should also be split. Some of the cousins were on board. Others weren't. I wasn't. I didn't agree to split the costs of entirely avoidable and reckless mistakes.

Either way, because we couldn't come to an agreement, what ended up happening was that no one has paid me a cent.

After a few months of hounding Debra, and largely getting ignored, she broke down in tears claiming that she's financially struggling at the moment, and can barely make ends meet. For context, Debra is an accountant at one of our country's big accounting firms. She has to be on at least $100,000 AUD. So she isn't struggling financially. She's just bad with her finances.

But whatever. I let it slide. And, honestly, I forgot about the $2,000—until last weekend.

Debra posted a photo of a Tifanny & Co necklace with the caption "Hard work pays off! Success isn't easy, but it's shiny!". I looked up the necklace; it costs $880 AUD. I responded with, "If you were half as successful as you are pretending to be, you'd pay me back the $2,000 you owe me.". Honestly, I wasn't thinking. I was just acting out of anger. But unexpectedly people started reacting to my comment, leaving their own comments such as "Deb owes you money too?" and "I see Deb hasn't changed a bit". That wasn't my intent. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't find it funny.

Debra deleted her post several hours lately, but hasn't said a word to me. However, she must have complained to the other cousins, because two of our cousins reached out and said "[I] went too far" and that "[I] should have kept the matter within the family". Which is easy for them to say, they're not out $2,000.

Before I let my anger get the better of me, AITA, or am I in the right here?

I (23F) recently caught my best friend Gina ( 23F) saying that she's sexually attracted towards my boyfriend & she will hookup with him if she gets an opportunity. Me & My fiance are engaged for 6 months & currently planning our wedding. My fiance knows Gina through me & They are good friends since then. I caught her when she was expressing her feelings with 2 of our friends ( I arranged a home party for us & invited all my female friends). When one of those 2 friends brought the topic us getting married, Gina literally said fuck off & She doesn't care. She also said my fiance will leave me if he had sex with her for once cause she knows how to drain balls ( seems like a total fucking expert).

I pushed the door & went in. All 3 of them tried to act normal first but when I told them I heard everything, Gina's face became pale. She said she was joking & those meant nothing. Other 2 friends also accompanied her saying that they were just joking around. I didn't hear any of their nonsense & kicked them out from my house.

Now my friend group is divided in two parts. One side it totally supporting mesaying I did the right thing, Other part is standing with Gina & said that I overreacted. They said friends makes this types of jokes in weddings & it's nothing serious. They also said I need to grow up because I acted like a child & throwing away a childhood friendship over some pity jokes.

So Aitah?

My ex and I were married for 11 years. I have 2 kids (14 and 15) from a previous relationship. Their mom is not in the picture. We also had 3 kids together (10, 7, 5). She filed for divorce 2 years ago and dragged it out by trying to get full custody of not only her 3 but my 2 that have no biological relation to her.

After a very long custody battle, I ended up with full custody of my older 2 and she got 4 hours every other Saturday with the younger 3 due to her declining mental health.

Shortly after the custody battle ended, my ex wife committed suicide. I didn't plan on telling the kids and I sure as hell wasn't going to take them to the funeral but my ex's mom contacted may older 2, told them the news, and took them to the funeral behind my back.

They're furious with me. They say I made her do it, that I should've told them, I should've let them see/talk to her. They also told their younger siblings. Now the younger 3 are a mess and the older 2 refuse to speak to me. They want to move in with my brother now and he's saying I'm a bad parent to the kids and that it was cruel to not tell the kids about their "mom" or take them to her funeral.

AITA

Years ago I worked in a call centre doing technical support. Usually for dial-up internet providers.

I'll never forget one lady who called in. I don't remember what her issue was, but I started walking through troubleshooting:

Me: "Ok, please double click on 'My Computer'"

Her: "With my left mouse button or my right button?"

Me: "With the left button"

Her: "Ok"

Me: "Ok, now if you could double click on 'control panel' please."

Her: "With the left button or right button?"

Me: "Oh, yes, with the left button. When someones says 'double click', they are always referring to the left button"

Her: "I don't care, I want you to tell me every time what button to use"

So I did.

For the rest of the conversation, every single time I asked her to double-click on something, I would pause and say "With the left mouse button", as if that was something unusual. She complied, but I could tell by her tone that she was getting frustrated with it. She never said that I could omit the added instruction though, so I just kept going.

Eventually the problem was solved and we disconnected. Nothing came of it, but I hope the next support desk she spoke to didn't need to explain it to her again.

I am NOT OOP

Posted 11hrs ago 23June2024

For refusing to let my sister move in and take my master bedroom because she had to break her lease?

My (F22) sister (F24) works fly in fly out in the Australian mines (big money) for 5+ she’s had many shared leases with people over the years. She’s struggling to find a roommate at the moment.

About a month ago, we had a casual conversation about the idea of her staying at the place I’m renting with my partner (M24). Important detail, me and my partner have separate rooms as we need our own space and it works for our sleeping schedules. A couple ideas were thrown around, I offered the spare room which is very small and can only fit a bed. She proposed taking my master bedroom and offered to pay more, which means me and my partner would have to share or one of us move into the tiny room. I said I would talk to my partner about this and get back to her.

As of a couple days ago, she told me the landlord is not allowing a second person. For context, I left abruptly from a toxic workplace and now on mental health leave. She straight up texted me, “I don’t want to stress you out more but….. when can I move in lmao”. Told her I would sleep on it, then the next day she texted, “two weeks to move in?”. I had a talk to with my partner and we agreed it’s better if she takes the spare bedroom as she’s 2 weeks on at her mining job and 1 week off. I called her and said she can have the spare bedroom, then she had the audacity to say she’s moving into my master bedroom because and she will pay more. I said absolutely fucking not because the room will be empty for two week at a time. And on top of that she’s unclean and untidy, my worry is she will leave my room disgusting. She did not take this well and said that I agreed to her taking my room (which didn’t happen).

Today she blew up my phone with texts saying I’m petty for not letting her have my room, and that she deserves luxuries. Also she doesn’t want to come home to a tiny room after living in one at work. I’m a young person who is finally living in my own place after being in shitty living situations. Why does she feel entitled to take my room and disrupt my life for her convenience? I know she’s my sister and I understand her situation and feel for her but this can’t be the solution. Am I the asshole?

..............................................................................................

Posted 1hr ago 23June2024

Update/context: AITAH For refusing to let my sister move in and take my master bedroom because she had to break her lease?

Link to original post:

Thanks for all the comments and validation, really gave me some perspective.

Here’s the update.

Just FYI this is my partner’s account as I don’t have my own.

My sister and I have had a rocky relationship since forever (due to childhood trauma), I’ve cut her off many times due to this kind of disrespect and breaking of boundaries. I’m not perfect myself but I want this relationship to work.

Our phone conversation ended in a screaming match where I stated she will only get the spare room, but she insisted it was unfair because she would pay more money!!

She later texted me a photo of a workmate holding up the middle finger with a text saying “(name) said you are being petty lmao”

I texted back in the fashion many of you suggested.

OP: “Tell him he’s a cunt”

OP: “You’re a guest at my home you’re not taking the master bedroom. That’ll be empty for two weeks”

Sister: “You cannot keep using the excuse "It will be empty for two weeks" How the fuck do you think I've had roommates before and how anyone that does FIFO have roommate before like I'm gonna go live in a small room for my break as Well as going back to work and living a small room again like awesome no luxuries sweet”

OP: “You are not a roommate! I’m doing you a favour by letting you have a roof over your head for a short while, you don’t get “luxuries” when it’s your only option. Also my “luxuries” get taken away in MY home because you say so???. your VERY out of touch with the average full time young adult living in a strangers room because that’s their only option, Absolutely not fair. I finally have something to myself After three years of shit…..”

Sister: “Girl you aren’t the very last and only option lmao your just the easiest”

OP: “Okay then my offer is off the table”

Would I be the asshole if I cut off this bitch off again?

So I (23f) am going on vacation in a few days. I’ll be gone for a couple of weeks, several states away, to visit friends and family for the first time since I made my big move post-college to be with my partner (27f). I’ve really enjoyed (and honestly prefer) my new life/area, but it doesn’t keep me from getting homesick.

I told my partner’s mother Jane (67f) about my trip (it’s been a recurring topic the last couple months as I’ve been planning it) so that she knows I won’t be present for regular visits and stuff. Yesterday, while discussing my flight plans, Jane asked if she could add me to the tracker on her phone so she could keep an eye on me. She has her other children (31m & 22m) as well as my partner on this tracking app and randomly checks in whenever they’re staying or traveling more than a couple hours away.

It does sometimes unnerve me when I’m traveling with my partner and aware of the fact that Jane can just watch our every move (and she does sometimes call during the drive to or from a destination to ask why we’re taking a certain route), but I just try to forget about it. These are her kids, and I assume they’ve consented to this process, so I just try not to dwell on it and compartmentalize it as “none of my business”.

Anyway, I said no to being tracked. I told her I’m more than happy to keep in touch and check in each evening and at crucial points of my travel (such as plane departure and arrival), but that tracking is totally out of the question and that I am simply uncomfortable with it. She asked why, and I reminded her of how my father use to behave with my mother, and later to an extent with me, and she said it’s not fair that I’m treating her like my father when she’s a much better person. I told her I’m not treating her like my father, just that his actions have me uncomfortable with the idea of people (especially parental figures tbh) tracking me.

Jane is upset and can’t understand why I won’t just let her track me and has made a passive aggressive remark about it already. My partner insists she will drop it soon and just ride it out and let her burn herself out about it, and that she’s just concerned for my safety because she really likes me and not that she’s trying to be weird of controlling. I get that, but I’m not willing to budge. AITA?

For context: My dad used to follow my mom sometimes or have friends keep tabs on her (his best friend lives next door to my grandma) and report on how late at night she would leave, if she was alone or with company, who she was with, when she came back, etc. Sometimes if he spotted her in town he would tail her until he could see if she was with somebody and who it was. Sometimes he would bring me, when I was 10-13. He’d get moody if she was with a man even though they split when I was like 2. When I hit my teens he started accusing me lying, hiding stuff, etc. So yeah, I don’t want to voluntarily be on someone’s tracking app. Jane is aware of this information.

EDIT: Some people are bringing up the idea that the real reason Jane wants to track me is because my partner wants to track me. This doesn’t make any sense. Kelley (my partner) knows that I’m willing to share my location with her. I told her if I was going to let anybody do it, it’d be her, and she told me that she’s fine with just calling/texting me. We’ve never had issues with one of us lying to or deceiving the other, and the most Kelley gets into my business is “how was your day, what did you get up to”. She’s also supportive of me and the fact that I don’t want Jane to track me.

It’s a complicated situation. My husband is one of four children. The oldest child Alice is a SAHM to five children. The second son is a child free gay man. The third child is his antinatalist sister. And my husband and I are child free.

Basically, one sibling has a lot of children, the other three siblings don’t have any children, and mostly dislike children.

My husband and his childless siblings are very close, and their partners. We all hang out regularly, and we all like to host. They will not let Alice’s children come to their homes at all. My husbands antinatalist sister just hates kids, and the kids have broken a bunch of stuff his brothers house.

I don’t want the kids over at our house because if they come over the other two siblings will make up an excuse to leave. And hanging out with Alice and her five kids without anyone I like being over just sounds really unappealing.

Alice called me and said that she’s upset and feels excluded, because we all hang out without her and post it on social media. She said she’s feeling depressed and isolated and she only ever interacts with her children. It’s hard for me to be sympathetic because she chose this life for herself. Her family by no means pressured her into marrying young, they actually tried to talk her out of it. FIL offered to pay for her college if she went.

I’ve said she’s welcome to come over to the next thing I host if she leaves her kids at home with her husband. She said her husband can’t watch them alone and she shouldn’t have to leave them behind anyways. She said family should want to spend time with family.

I told her she’s the one who chose her lifestyle, and if she has a problem she should take it up with her actual siblings, not her sil, and I’m done talking to her. I blocked her number because she kept texting me. AITAH?

I went to a local bar today to watch the College World Series final. Bartender says they can’t play the sound for the game because more patrons want to play the jukebox than watch the game. There are about 12 people in the bar total, including my party of 4. This seems silly, seeing as how it’s a sports bar and there aren’t any other major sporting events occurring at the same time as this game.

I decide that since the patrons want the jukebox, the jukebox is what they’ll get. I cue up the Cotton Eyed Joe by Rednex 6 times in a row and pay the extra to bump it to the front of the queue. After the first play through. The jukebox skips to a different song. We call the manager over, ask him to refund our jukebox money since he won’t play our song, and he says he’d rather listen to Cotton Eyed Joe 6 times than refund the money. He comes back a few minutes later, hands us $13 cash to cover the songs and turns on the sound for the baseball game. Turns out his patrons didn’t want to listen to the jukebox that badly after all.

My mom lost custody of me 3 years ago. She's always had issues and she's been in jail a few times. I (15m) have no dad in my life so I'd go to my aunt typically until my mom got out and took me back. But then she lost custody of me for real and my aunt took me in.

My aunt was going through her own really difficult time. My uncle, her husband, died, and she was left alone with her son (10). A few months later she met a guy called James and they hit it off and ended up moving in together and getting married by the end of that same year (they met in February). James has a daughter (11). James' ex had divorced him a few years before and wasn't around their daughter. She didn't remember her mom and was feeling mixed about the blended family. Sometimes she really wanted a mom and other times she didn't want to have a new mom or share her dad with my cousin.

The two kids could not get along and living with them was miserable. My cousin misses his dad so much and he's angry that his mom married again so fast. He was mad that James' daughter was sometimes calling his mom 'mom' and other times telling her she's not her mom and to go away. He was angry James was trying to do stuff for him that his dad used to do (take him hiking, father's day events and stuff).

It was such a mess and I was miserable being in the middle of all that. They were in therapy and everyone came back from that so unhappy.

In the end I was talking to my social worker and I asked if I could live with my grandma instead. Grandma said yes. She was so happy. I moved in with her last week. But my aunt was so hurt I did that and my cousin misses me. He asked if he could live with me and grandma too. He told grandma he doesn't want to live with James or Katie (James' daughter) anymore and he'd be way happier with her and me. My aunt was even more devastated by this. She told my cousin he still had her and he told her he didn't want James or Katie and he couldn't have her without them. They ended up talking and he told her he wished James and Katie would go away forever and never come back. I think some of my aunts anger came from that and was directed at me over my cousin. But it made her get super pissed that I had asked to leave. She said she was always there for me and why did I want so badly to leave and stuff.

AITA?

I’m a dad of 3, ages 3, 4 and 5. I have full custody of the kids. My ex wife currently lives with us because she either can’t or won’t work. That’s a different discussion for another post.

AITAH for snapping at her just now when I discovered she’d eaten one of the three snack cakes I had for the kids’ lunches?

While I generally don’t object to sharing food with the ex, I’ve asked her on several occasions not to eat the treats I buy for the kids because I generally apportion them equally and plan my grocery shopping accordingly.

I just went to make lunch for the kids and one of the three remaining Zebra cakes in the package was missing. The kids are still not into pilfering food so I asked the ex if she ate one of them. She smirked and said “yeh, sorry.”

I’m already tense over having her on my home while I still do approximately 80 to 90 percent of the child care. This was too much. I snapped and, while I didn’t yell, I very forcefully told her she shouldn’t take their food and that she needs to shop for herself (I’d just picked up a few things for her this morning at wal mart because she rarely has the wherewithal to shop for herself - see a pattern here)?

She responded by telling me that she’d be open to a discussion if I didn’t use such an aggressive tone.

So am I the asshole for taking an aggressive, forceful tone and pretty much chewing her out for once again screwing up my plans for the kids’ lunches?

I used to work at this factory. I was a housekeeper for about a year then I transferred to the “hoes” department. I made the hoses for the machines. Now there was the main girl that was a team lead and she was known for being a bad person. I wouldn’t have transferred but I was in an abusive relationship and was trying to save money to move. My biggest dislike of this lady was that she was VERY sexually driven. I am all for expressing yourself but she would flirt/hook up with all the guys on the line and she had a huge hang up on the big boss.

She HATED that big boss was “taking a liking” to me. By this I mean when he asked me to do something I did it. There was this big deal about how the hose department was behind (bc they couldn’t keep workers) and I was fast (even with my rib being out). She did this thing that took her an extra 10-15 mins per set which big boss told her to stop doing. She trained me to do it her way but I found it easier to do it big boss way and faster. Big boss encouraged me bc our production increased since I was there and I did what he said. (Plus I wasn’t flirting with the line 50% of the day) She instantly changed towards me. Very short and rude and pointing out every mistake.

This lady constantly told me that “her” department starts off at $17 and the job posting also said $17. So when I got $16 I was upset. I talked to boss about it and said $16 is what that department starts at and to be happy I’m making more than I was before. (Also talked to past hose girls and they said they got $16.50) After this I was pissy the rest of the day. Also my “move out” date was getting closer and that was also stressing me out. She was talking to me about how unfair it was that I wasn’t getting paid the right amount and I said something about how big boss was a piece of shit and shouldn’t even have his job (a lot more bad going on but to much to write). This angered her a lot.

I leave bc I have a doc appointment and boss called me while there and texted me to come straight to office when I got back. My bosses boss was there when I walked in. They accused me of PUTTING A KNIFE TO SOMEONES NECK AND THREATENING THEM. I was shocked. Obviously I denied it bc I DID NO SUCH THING. Then it was well you put a knife to someone’s neck, then you had a knife and pointed it at them, then you had a knife and were upset. I was like “who?? I was with lady all day. Did you ask her?” Then they said she was the one I “did it” to and there were “multiple witnesses”. Long story short they fire me. (Later found out the one “witness” is this ladies close, self proclaimed “father figure”)

That night my ex was extremely angry at me for losing my job then I get served DOMESTIC ABUSE papers by a cop regarding the work stuff. First off it says right on the paper this excludes coworkers. I go to court for it and she doesn’t even show up!!! I move away and I did contact a lawyer about everything but he said if there are “witnesses” even if they aren’t real that could end up having the whole thing turned against me.

Now for the revenge! On my last day of work at a nursing home I see lady. She is taking to the hiring manager. She leaves and I instantly go in and ask “was that lady’s name?” And get told yes. I explain how she got multiple people fired at her old job and LOVES to start and stir drama. Hiring manager says she will note that. LADY DIDNT GET THE JOB 😂

So yeah of course killing is bad but if you’re engaged in combat and you refuse to kill the enemy, that’s really dumb and unrealistic.

So many shows (mostly anime) show this. I mean yeah it’s cartoons but they still are based on real world concepts of morality, value of life, etc. it’s totally absurd that they just decide to keep the enemy alive for “moral higher ground” reasons. This is absolute nonsense.

They don’t even consider the fact that this causes them to be in more danger, the other people around them in danger, innocent and civilian lives in danger. There is no morality in letting them live just cause it sounds or feels bad when the underlying value still gets violated when you don’t put your own life and your companions lives and innocent lives into full consideration.

Edit: I think an important concept behind this is the principle of double effect. It is a frequent source of moral ambiguity hence an actual principle was created to justify what needs to be done from a truly objective moral position. So you have to meet the rules of double effect for it to be morally acceptable. And if you think about situations or combat, it’s not hard to imagine being able to meet the criterion in double effect.

I am going to a festival with friends in a couple of days and my gf told me she will be scared alone while I'm gone. She said she will ask [f]rends about two weeks ago but no one is available, and when she asked if she could ask men I said I was uncomfortable. Today she asked again if this guy could come, she saw her twice and he is fwb with a friend of her.

I felt unheard and bad that she asked again, especially since I'm not fond of what I've heard of him. So I told her I found this very strange, that I'm sure everyone would find this weird, but I feel like I'm the bad guy...

She could say nothing and do bad things while I'm gone but she is vocal about her wishes and asks if I'm OK with it. I trust her a lot but I'm afraid of what the guys would interpret by her proposal.

I dont know how to make her feel I trust her, without being worried while I'm gone. Please tell me what are your thougts from the outside

My child (18) works as a lifeguard at a swimclub. Children between the ages of 5-11 are required to successfully complete a swimming proficiency test before they are allowed to swim in the adult section for the season. Inevitably some parent will be upset when their child fails and they will argue with the lifeguard to "not be so strict" , "you're being a jerk" , "let them have fun". What kind of parent wants their kid in a pool when they can't swim ? Where do they find these people ?