***** NOT OP *****

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I just got married and found out that during the wedding, my MIL and my actual mother got into a small... incident. To summarise, my MIL made some snide comments about my mother not being dressy enough for the wedding, and insinuated that she looked ugly. My mother is quite a quiet woman so she didn't say much, but offered a half-hearted compliment about my MIL's dress. My mother was wearing our culture's traditional wear, and everyone else thought that she looked lovely. My partner and I also thought she looked great.

I only found out about this the day after the wedding and I was mad. I told my husband and he was very angry, and ready to go and confront his mother about this. But I told him not to. For context, his mother is quite unreasonable and difficult to deal with, and has been rather unpleasant. She's very vain and obsessed with her appearance. Knowing that, I wanted to get some sort of vengeance for my mum.

I dropped my wedding photographer a message with a short request. I asked for every single ugly/terrible photo of my MIL to be edited and added to our deliverables, and to remove any decent shots of her. The photographer had also mentioned previously that there may be some skin touch-ups or beautification effects added to people in the photos. I requested for there to be absolutely none done for my MIL. I don't know what I expected but BOY DID MY PHOTOGRAPHER DELIVER. There were pictures of her yelling at kids, another photo with food in her teeth and so on. Not going to lie, I giggled a little.

Anyway, she saw the photos and she's upset. I feel a little bad for her because the photos are up for everyone to see. She demanded that I take some of them down, and I told her that I would need to ask the photographer to, and that might take a few days. My partner feels quite guilty and caught in the middle, and he thinks that I shouldn't have done this and I should have just let him confront his mother. He also dropped by my mum's house to speak with her about the incident and offer his apologies for it. I still stand by my decisions though. Nobody messes with my mother and makes her feel bad about herself, ESPECIALLY on my wedding day.

But I guess I could have done the constructive thing and actually communicate with my MIL. Idk, am I the asshole?

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52 F, have 4 adult kids, 34 M, 32F, 26M and 24M. We will call them Biff, Mae, James and Simon. All of them are in long term relationships and live with their partners. I amicably separated from their father 9 years ago. The two eldest each have 2 children. Mae had my 1st grandson 7 years ago. She, her partner Bob and the baby moved in with me for a year, moving out about 4 months before I moved from my hometown 6 years ago. I moved 250 miles to the area my eldest, Biff, lives. The others all still live in my hometown. His wife, Dotty, was pregnant with their first at the time. My reasons for coming here were complicated, but I needed to get away and didn’t want to be totally without support. I spoke to Biff and Dotty before I came here, to make sure they were OK with the plan, I didn’t want to intrude on their lives, or make them uncomfortable. They had chosen to live that far from the rest of his family and stay close to hers. Biff had been quite firm with parameters, saying that they had their own lives and didn’t want us to be living in each other’s pockets, but other than that they seemed happy I was coming up.

I moved when Dotty was 7 months pregnant, and if I am completely honest, I was an emotional wreck. I put myself into therapy, found long term accommodation, work, and joined a choir to meet people. I made a few friends but checked in regularly with all the kids. Simon was living with his dad, James was at university and Mae, Bob and baby Chip were settled. When Baby Billy arrived, I would visit Biff and Dotty whenever they wanted, babysat regularly and developed a close relationship with baby Billy. I have never imposed on their life, allowed Biff the space he needed. Dotty and I developed a close relationship, I supported her through postnatal depression, anxiety and she helped me transition to life in a whole new area. I have allowed all the kids to spread their wings and live their lives without me hovering around, with regular texts, calls and visits when they want.

Time moved on and Dotty had another baby, a little girl, Millie. Millie was what we referred to as a “Velcro” baby, only happy with mama. I know they both found it hard, and I saw far less of them, but still with contact. Dottys mum and I both felt a little sad that we saw less of them all, but understood. Dotty went back to work part time at the same time Billy started school and as my work schedule is a bit more flexible than theirs, they asked if I would be able to help with after school childcare. I gladly agreed to one day a week, which quickly increased to both required days. I would take a late lunch break and pick him up, give him dinner and try and work for the next couple of hours before picking up his sister from daycare and taking them both back home. This works out to be about 10 hours a week, not a lot, but for 8 of them I still need to be logged on and working.

Last summer Mae had her second son, Tiny. He was born with some significant and life limiting health issues. I spent a lot of time down there at the start but had to come home eventually. I feel a lot of mum guilt by being this far away and unable to provide the day to day support she desperately needs, but my ex has really stepped up and helps where he can.

A full year into this arrangement, I discovered that on these days Biff was also working from home. Only he had the luxury of not looking after his son as he did so. I was a bit annoyed as I had been under the impression that he was “on the road” rather than working at home. I will often drop them off to Biff having just had a shower, or having just had his dinner. I will arrive and have to wait for him to get home from walking their dog. I have made myself available for babysitting, dog sitting, full support. I have cancelled my own plans to help them out. I have used my annual leave (PTO) to look after the kids so they can go away for holidays childfree. Don’t get me wrong, I love spending time with Billy, and the daycare is on the way back to their house. I am now heading to the end of the second school year.

But. There is nothing in return. I have always found it hard to ask for help, I have various health issues but have remained independent and made adaptations in my life. There are times when I need a little help - carrying a piece of furniture upstairs, or heavy bags of mulch 50ft to the back of the house, that kind of thing. I can ask Biff until I am blue in the face and will have to wait months, if the help happens at all. He never invites me over unless he needs me to baby or dog sit. I am never included in anything they do, and very rarely will they accept any invitations from me to do stuff.

I know my kids owe me nothing, but I also know that he wouldn’t treat a friend like this. There is always an expectation that I will drop everything for the grandkids. And on some level, they are not wrong, those kids make my life worth living. The way I see it, there is a huge difference between being Grams and being an unpaid childcare provider.

I recently had a meeting with my manager who expressed that in the past few months my productivity has started to drop below what they would like, and it is becoming a scheduling issue when I am effectively unavailable for meetings 8 hours a week. It neatly coincides with Billy becoming more bored with life at Grams house, wanting more input from me in his play and talking away non-stop. This is completely normal behaviour for a nearly 6 year-old, but I can’t be both Grams and Good Employee at the same time! And I am tired. I feel taken advantage of and unappreciated.

Last week I had the kids for 3 days whilst Biff and Dotty went away with friends. Millie did not sleep and cried for her mum a lot of the time. Her daycare told me she was unusually for her unhappy, not eating well and wanting to be held all the time. None of this is unusual for her age. But it is a lot to handle when you are not the parent. When I handed the kids off to Dottys mum, she told me that she had refused to have the kids for more than one night of their trip as she didn’t want to have to deal with it all. Dottys sister had them for the last day. My thanks from Biff was limited to a gruff “cheers for having them”. I reiterate, I don’t need hearts and flowers. I don’t need gushing praise. But I feel as though I am pouring all of my time and energy into someone who couldn’t give a toss about me.

I talked to Biff a couple of weeks ago about dropping down to one day, and him covering the other, and made it clear why. Dotty messaged a rather curt message the following day saying she would look into other childcare options as I was no longer wanting to help them. I picked up the phone and explained what the situation. Biff had told her I didn’t want to look after the kids anymore. I reassured her that this was not the case, but that I can’t jeopardize my job. She seemed to understand but has been cool to me ever since. Biff has barely spoken to me for weeks. I am now getting increasingly concerned that they will put Billy in afterschool club in September both days and continue to keep me at arm’s length so I will never see them or the grandkids. Millie is approaching 3 and won’t go to school for another 2 years.

Would I be an ass if I looked at moving closer to Mae who wants and needs me around? After all, Chip and Tiny deserve an involved Grams just as much as Billy and Millie.

I don’t want Billy and Millie to feel abandoned, but I really don’t think Biff wants me here, just the free childcare.

I spoke with Anne a few days ago and went through his phone. There's nothing suggesting that they have done anything together and she seemed rather disgusted by the idea of being with him. I have decided that I will be officially ending our relationship and will update further if there is anything to add.

I (21F) have just started working a residential centre for children, the contract is only short term and I would be done by the 28th of July. I get on really well with my team and the kids are fantastic but the organisation is really poor & the general manager is really rude and is constantly making me feel awful.

For context this is the first term the centre has been running, and that is very clear the fact nothing has really been communicated with the children or their parents before the arrived. For example we have no facilities to do laundry for the kids, and they are here for a month. I am also sharing a Flat with the students (in a locking room with private bathroom) but from my experience at other centres this feels like a safeguarding breach??? but i’m not sure if i’m just being dramatic because i’d just prefer a more private accommodation.

Equally the centre manager & a few others are the only ones with First Aid training and they have only done a one day course. Typically I think that you usually have people who have done 3 day courses or the FREC3 qualification managing a centre like this.

We often have issues of not knowing who is meant to be watching which groups of children, and we are cancelling and changing activities constantly with little to no notice.

I have a feeling of impending doom that something is going to go majorally wrong and I don’t want to be involved if it does. However I have bonded with my colleagues and they’d be majorly put out if a staff member quit. If i jump ship before my contract is done & get a different job, would i be the asshole?

I posted a few months back about my sisters accusing me killing my grandma and the causing drama when I did not acknowledge them in my book. You guys gave me good insights and helped me stay strong in my decisions and behaviors. Well now I'm back with another.

My dad is now dying and on hospice. It was his mom that I took care of for her final days and he has always taken my side on this issue. He even made me his medical POA and has asked me to take care of him and my mom just like I did grandma. It's now to the point that I came home to do just that.

I will not see my sister but have not blocked her from coming and seeing my dad. I simply stay in my room or will leave if given enough notice. When it comes to the very end I will sit in the same room but will not speak with her. Is this the right call or AITAH.

I (32f) and my husband (32m) have been married for 2 years and together for three. I've been aware of how emotionally volatile my MIL(62) can be and have been trying to help my husband navigate setting boundaries with MIL for most of our relationship. Up until Christmas 23 I haven't really had any personal issues with her, I've just seen her as overtly dramatic. My issues with her have escalated since we've just welcomed our son into the world. In less than 5 months I've gone from feeling love for my MIL to immensely caught off guard by how narcissistic she is.

December of 23 my husband and I were flying to visit my family on the west coast and invited my MIL as she would be alone for Christmas otherwise. My family was planning on throwing a baby shower for us as well and I was glad she'd be apart of that. I'll keep this part short. We were only there for a week, MIL expected to be entertained the entire time, given tours, all while being incredibly dissatisfied with her experience and ruined the whole trip for us. I was pretty pregnant, lethargic and confused with her expectations of the trip. When my husband and I processed the trip, we just thought that a week was too long for us all to be together and left it at that.

Fast forward to the last week of March and I'm 37 weeks pregnant (high risk because of pre existing blood pressure) and waiting for an induction date to be scheduled.

Hubby and I were planning on keeping the date a secret so we could have a couple days adjustment after his birth. Following a doctors appointment we told everyone that I was only .5 cm dilated and nothing scheduled delivery wise. Well my MIL misread it as 5cm dilated, ignored my husband saying not to book a flight yet staying I was "well on my way" and did so anyway claiming she was just so excited she couldn't help herself. Later that day we got the date being 4/2 and my MIL was arriving 3/30. I was devastated knowing my husband and I wouldn't get to have that just the two of us time. My husband was dreading her visit as she didn't respect him as her adult child and we didn't want the "I know best" comments wearing him down. I'll add that we live with my mom in a 2 bedroom apartment and had only moved in 3 weeks before hand at this point. I also suggested my husband and I video call MIL to manage her expectations of her visit, time around a newborn, and the induction process probably being slow as it's my first pregnancy-etc. So nothing would be a surprise. For this video call, my MIL only let my husband get part of his info out before she cut him off and came off overly agreeable. She said that she understood that relaxing before hand was important to us, that she was coming out to help us settle in the first week, and that my wants for delivery were very reasonable- she just wanted to be there for us. My husband took the lead as I felt she might single me out for trying to set expectations. All was good in our minds.

The first night I offered her to feel my belly as the baby was moving and she hadn't experienced him so active. After feeling him, she said "OH you need to put some cream on here to help with all these stretch marks" to which I explained that I was taking care of my skin, and a majority of what she was gawking at only happened in the last 3 weeks. Building up the anxiety, we both thought back to Christmas and agreed we wouldn't do anything we didn't want to, regardless of MIL reaction. Wouldn't you know it, she expected to be taken out and was frustrated that we only went out with her a few times but being so close to the end and very swollen, I didn't feel guilty about just taking care of me and enjoying my husband. We slept in a much as we could and tried to make the most of the time together.

Leading up to the induction date I started to notice that MIL was acting jealous of my mom and how my husband interacted with her. She started behaving like the odd one out, but again, we're not catering to MIL and her pouting. On the evening before, we wanted to go over the expectations and make sure we were all on the same page. I reiterated that I only wanted my mom and husband in the delivery room. My husband would let my mom know when it was time(active labor), and he would call his mom when our son was here. The following evening we headed to the hospital and again the last words I spoke to MIL were we will call you when baby is here.
Upon check in me and my husband both noted to the front desk and all medical staff that we did not want my mother in law in the room and were reassured she could be in the waiting room. Fast forward a solid 40 hrs into the future. After 36 hours of labor, a traumatic delivery, and no sleep we're "ready" for visitors. Upon arrival to the hospital my mom was allowed in but before she even made it to our room my mother in law was on the phone crying and screaming. Apparently security turned her away, but within 15 minutes everything was communicated correctly and she was now in our room. I guess the security guard told her that we didn't want her there at all, which is literally a vulnerable narcissist wet dream, so here we go. She did not acknowledge my son, she stood by the window and silently cried.. her tone (when she did speak) was as if she were at a funeral. She told us we had ruined her grandma experience. When she did finally look at our baby, she noted that he must be cold and covered him in another blanket. When she held him, she did not wash her hands and stuck her finger in his mouth. When it was time for him to eat I reminded her he only needed a certain amount, she ignored what I said and continued rambling about her extensive baby knowledge which made everything worse. When we were eventually discharged, going home felt heavy when it should have been a relief. My sole focus was bonding with my newborn and not being hard on myself, physically and emotionally. We came home on a Friday and for Saturday MIL had invited other family members over for a visit and sprang it on us without a second thought. I was aware that a visit was expected and really felt I had no say in the matter but any normal person would have asked us about a day that works for us at least but of course she spent the whole previous week sulking and feeling like the odd one out she was ready for "her people" to be there(her words exactly) . The oldest living member of the family needed to meet the 3 day old- being an empathetic person I do understand the sentiment. I didn't bitch because it was important to my husband... (So you have a visual!) I have not showered since Tuesday(it's now Saturday) , I'm in credibility sore, and we now have a 2 bedroom apartment filled with the following. 5 adults, 2 teenagers and one grade schooler, and a newborn, 4 cats and no sanity(my other option was meeting them for a meal at a fucking restaurant with our baby). They eat, they laugh, tell stories, we take pictures, there's giving gifts, there's unsolicited advice, hot potato with my baby, and the visit ran too long. They leave and I go back to my bed with my baby and husband. It's now Sunday and I'm not feeling great.. really lethargic and just want quiet. I do get a quiet morning with my baby. It's probably early afternoon and my MIL comes in my room and asks about the other family coming to say goodbye. I politely asked that she wait for my husband to finish in the bathroom(#2). She grumbles ok. Not 5 minutes later.. She then comes back and says "ok well they are here and since I don't have an answer, I guess they are coming up." I told her if that was the case, then she could tell them I'm not feeling up for a visit. She then looked at me and asked what she was supposed to tell them. I reiterated that she could tell them that I am not up for a visit. She then turned around, made a pouty noise, and I kid you not.. this 62 year old stomped her foot and slammed the apartment door. Literally 2 minutes after she left, my husband was done.. being unreasonable and a bully did nothing for her. My husband could have gone down with the baby for goodbyes but that didn't happen. The next day MIL wanted to "take a walk" with my husband. I know she was going to complain about me, and not getting her way but I would have paid to hear that conversation. 20 minutes into the "walk" I can hear my husband yelling. Maybe..45 minutes total they come back and my husband comes into our room. He says his mom is upset that she hasn't gotten to hold the baby, when he opens his arms to take the baby I yelled that if she wanted to hold him, she could FUCKING ASK ME. I wasn't going to tell my husband no as he was holding out his arms...but I immediately went into the bathroom and sobbed, working out IF I could articulate all my feelings in logical way. An hour goes by and my husband comes to check on me..I told him I was sorry but I couldn't keep my mouth shut on this one.. I asked MIL for my baby back and she provoked me for the last time. "OH of course, I'm all full of baby cuddles now" and with the cheery fuck you eyes, she gleamed the most shit eating grin. I lost it. Now this was one of those situations where I surprised my self..I didn't know I had it in me. I laid into her..every fucking thing I kept inside. Selfish about this experience, woe is fucking me self fulfilling prophecy, use your own son to manipulate, make your decisions without even considering how it effects any but you! Judgemental the entire time, who the fuck buys a one way ticket and keeps the departure a secret. Do your daughter a favor and let her have time for just her, daddy, and baby.. do better next time.. you ruined the rest of my time with my husband and baby to just adjust as a family.. when you do leave I only have 2 days before he goes back to work. MIL really fixated on the word family in reference to me, hubby, and baby. She tried to say that my idea of what family is was very different from her own..a jab for not hosting everyone in the apartment. She brought up how she was hurt that I excluded her from hanging out on the room before labor got crazy.. wtf.. if i don't want you in there for delivery, why would i want you hanging out while I'm mostly naked, getting cervix checks, and in a vulnerable state like that.. and for MIL to act surprised.. ugh it disgusts me..She tried to play dumb on specifics, or flat out lie.. but there was no escape from this verbal lashing and I doubt anyone has called her out, and talked over her when she tried to cut me off or talk louder. I told her that she literally put us in a lose lose situation.. either way she feels slighted. If we told her she couldn't visit until after the birth, and with her being around for it. She's either excluded from the experience, and feels left out or she's around but doesn't get the experience she felt entitled to and feels cheated out of the same thing. She agreed surprisingly but my husband started intervening after MIL said she was going to leave and stay at a hotel since she's unwanted.."just so hurt" . I said nothing but he insisted we just "let it be, level heads prevail" and so that was that. Maybe 90 minutes later I started to feel off and checked my blood pressure. Then I rechecked it. I ended up having my mom take me back to the hospital for preeclampsia. Initially they weren't going to admit me but after further evaluating and no change with additional oral meds they readmitted me. Idk if anyone reading this has had the pleasure of a magnesium drip but if not, just imagine boiling alive from the inside. My husband and baby were able to stay with me, my mom and my husband agreed that MIL should leave since we were back in the hospital. She never asked how I was doing or acknowledged anything happened/any responsibility. My sister in law tells her mom that she needs to be the one who initiates contact, to which I explained that I am not at a place where I'd be receptive to anything from her mouth.. we're 3 months out now and I know that even with a therapist walking me through how to be neutral, I don't know that I'll be able to forgive..so..am I the asshole for exploding on my MIL and not letting it go?

I (36F) is in a relationship with (40M). I am huge GOT (Game of Thrones) and HOD (House of the Dragon) fan. I've watched GOT 10X, and HOD twice. A little obsessive, but it's good TV! Prior to this relationship, my boyfriend wasn't interested in watching either. One night, i was watching GOT (S1,EP3) and actually sat down to watch. I'm such a fanatic that I didn't mind going back to EP1....HE WAS HOOKED! Of course, his new found excitement to the show made me excited and honestly, love him even more! He moved on to watch HOD - he loved it.

Now, here's where it gets tricky, HODs new season is out, but bc he works out of town, we haven't been able to watch it. A few days ago, he suggested that we watch HOD together. To me, that was a way for us to spend time together without actually being together.

2 nights ago, he got off from work late and he fell asleep, no biggie. The man works hard. So, we moved it to the next night. Well, the next night, he hadn't had a chance to watch the debate, so he did that instead. By the time he decided that he was ready to watch HOD, it was 1AM. I work, it was a week night, I went to sleep. This annoyed me. I told him that he knows that I have to get up early and it's inconsiderate to ask me to watch something so late. Especially when he chose to watch something else instead of sticking to the original plan.

Now it's the holiday, obviously I'm off. He sent a text, telling me to watch EP1 bc he watched it last night out of spite. Yes, he apoligized and told me that it doesn't feel right to watch without me, but the damage was done.To say my feelings were hurt is an understatement. I basically told him that he could continue to watch it without me and I'll watch it when I'm ready. Now he's pissed bc he doesn't think it's that big of a deal, but it's not about HOD. He planned to do something with me and chose to do it on his own. And something I genuinely like, at that. I could have easily watched it, but I waited on him. He thinks I'm being dramatic and I keep telling him that I wouldn't plan a date for us, tell him about it, then go on said date by myself, then come back and tell him he should try the place. That's rude and inconsiderate. I was excited and was looking forward to watching it with him and he took that away. Yes, I probably SHOULD role with the punches, but hell, whats next on the list of spiteful and inconsiderate behaviors?

If I'm wrong, lay it on me....

QUICK EDIT

It isn't about the show. It's the pettiness in being spiteful that irritated me. Me going to sleep should not have made someone so upset that they resulted in doing something petty. To me, that's a character flaw. Although, we all have them. Obviously, mine is accepting the apology, but choosing to move differently. If you're willing to be petty over something so miniscule, what else are you willing to be petty about?

Thank you all, for the advises in the comments, I have read every single one of them and really appreciate all of the support.

To answer some of you. Regarding my age, I am in fact 23 years old, I don't have to prove that to any body. About my writing I'm sorry if it's funny, awkward, misspelled or with the wrong gramatical order, that is because English is my second language, I didn't post in my native one because in this platform is better if you write in english then more people will be able to give you an advise, and also practice my writing in english.

Yes, indeed we have not talk since his birthday that was on June (because I needed time to think about a lot of stuff after all I have already spend 4 years with this person) with the exception, that for pride(30 of June) I was going alone and he found out by a mutual friend, got worried and texted me, out of nowhere to check if I wanted him to be there with me for "safety reasons". Ofcourse I told him no because I don't need a sitter, later that day I found out that he was "really sick and had been in bed for the last two days" but he just wanted to make sure that I was okay. I don't believe him for obvious reasons and I told him : "when I'm ready to speak to you, YOU'LL KNOW"

I'm currently on college doing a second degree, and I used to work as a C.S representative, over the phone, with this I paid my college so far and also must of the dates that we had, because I was earning almost the double that he is, but for those who have done that move, you might now that is really hard to maintain, due to the schedule limitations and also the psychological affect that it has on you. I don't work any more on that industry, and I have tried to find a job everywhere and failed, because where I live is really hard to get hired if you are a college student, I'm able to keep up with college thanks to some scholarship's that I have won, and was able to get some money for his birthday by skipping meals and walking instead of taking the bus.

I didn't break up with him before, just becase I thought that he could really change, he did change for a month or something like that and then the toxic cicle starts up again, and he has always twisted things to make it look as I'm the bad guy saying things like: "it is your fault I cheated because you're always to busy for me" even though we were seeing each other almost every single week and more. This gotten to the point were I felt guilty enough so I end up apologizing for things that are clearly not my fault. And I had came back to him not only because of his manipulation and gaslighting, but also he has threaten to end his life if leave him, yes I may be stupid for coming back just because of that but over all I care for him a lot. He as well has gotten f*cking crazy with me in person when we're on a "break", yes I had called the authorities on him but the have told me : " If he doesn't hit you or threatens your life there's nothing we can do" so basically police need to find my dead body in order to do something about it.

I have also told this to my family, friends and therapist but they all say things like I am making a big deal out of nothing, that this is how love works and I also just need to give him one last chance, so before posting here I really was like :" I'm an A.H for doing this to him", because when a lot of people that are close to you agree on the same thing maybe something is wrong with the decision that your taking, but basically I don't have any were safe to go at time nor I have the support system as it is.

I won't just ghost him and asume that he knows that it means we are not longer together, that could be really dangerous for me, and this could be also confusing due to it would leave a window open for him to come to ask why did I ghost him, so I prefer being crystal clear when I do break up with him. -I will do that when I have at least somewhere safe to go-

I will break up with him for good and block him from everywhere and update you when that happens just so you know If I'm safe and still a live, as far as it goes I will have to keep seeing him because we go to the same college and are in the same career. I'm also looking for a new therapist because I'm aware this sh*t will leave some traumas and other stuff that I don't wanna keep or pass out to any future partner.

Thank you all I hope you have a better day/month than I have.

Backstory: my boyfriend and I met doing musical theater. We both are very good dancers and love to dance. before dating, we had gone out to clubs together with our classmates and had a great time. Before dating, we had gone out to clubs together with our castmates and had a great time. But now we are year in the relationship.

On to the issue: A week ago, my boyfriend’s friend had a performance at a resort in the mountains. We got the hotel room and we’re planning to spend the weekend there listening to the music Vibe being having a good time and then going to explore and hike the next day. The performance was great and I had a lot of fun meetings some of his friends from college that I had never met before, but as the night went on, there were songs that I wanted to get up and dance to. I asked him once if he wanted to dance and he said no. I brushed it off because I figured maybe he just isn’t Vibin to that particular song. But then, the final song of the night came came up and it was definitely danceable. He was singing along knew the words and it was an upbeat number. Older couples near us were urging us to get up and dance, and so I asked him if he wanted to, because I definitely wanted to, but he said no. That stung a lot.

I know that it stung and hurt my feelings because we have never gone dancing when it’s been just the two of us. And I also know that with his ex-girlfriend, they used to go dancing with the two of them a lot.

So, then and there I made the decision to never ask him again. I know that he loves me and isn’t ashamed of me or anything but I won’t go through those feelings when I could avoid it by simply not asking him. I don’t feel like I’m overreacting but who knows.

So, WIBTA fo never asking my boyfriend to dance?

I’m coming here for unbiased perspectives so I will try and be as objective as I can.

My (21f) boyfriend (25m) have been together for a year and a half. Lately keu we have had a rough few weeks. We had a big fight a week ago in which my boyfriend revealed he was unhappy and has been since we started living together. I knew things hadn’t been perfect but I’d chalked it up to changes like new jobs, trying to find new work etc. He even went as far as to say he had been putting on an act so things look good, which left me feeling foolish for thinking everything was fine when it wasn’t. He expressed at the time he is nearing the end of his rope and was fed up, something I found alarming to not know sooner. We took some space for a couple days and came back and talked and worked it out and he was willing to give it another try. Within that conversation my boyfriend brought up how he dislikes when I make what he calls dumb comments, his examples were about his truck, four wheeler and family. Often these comments are me teasing him and just playfully giving him a hard time. I have grown around this kind of teasing and my close friends have said that doing that is part of who I am and they’ve always known me to do that.

On Tuesday when everything went bad we had briefly discussed making plans for this weekend. I then get a message saying he invited his niblings over who are pretty young. While I’m okay with them coming over I was disappointed I was not asked out of respect because we share a space and I do the majority of the cleaning so this means more work. I was a 1.5-2/10 mad about that situation.

I should note at this point that we have been planning a camping trip together to a campground I grew up going to. I have been coordinating with the campground on this and we are at minimum going 50-50 on the cost of the trip. I get home and we’re chatting and he mentions he has invited his brother along on our camping trip. From my perspective this is extremely frustrating as it’s twice in one day I was cut out of decisions that affect me and not treated like a partner. I was also disappointed because my boyfriend has a bit of a history of treating his brother better than me and while I admit it’s infrequent I’ve come to expect and dread it and it wasn’t something I wanted to to deal with on a trip that has a lot of nostalgia for me too. From his perspective he would say that because I was okay with inviting his buddies, who are much closer to our age, he figured inviting them and his brother are one in the same. And he got immediately defensive when I voiced I don’t necessarily want his brother to come along.

From here things got heated after I what I believe calmly said that I don’t wish for his brother to join, and said given the choice I would prefer his buddies or just us. To which he said he would rather hangout with his brother, somewhere in here I said “you think your brother hung the moon” as a way of describing their dynamic, which I have no issue with until it highlights a disparity in my dynamic with my boyfriend. He took offence to my statement, has decided it’s a dumb comment and is extremely pissed.

From where he stands we just talked about this and within a week I’ve done it. And from where I stand twice in one day I was not treated as a partner by him, nor do I think the comment was dumb.

Presently he will barely speak to me, we are sleeping separately and he has stopped saying he loves me despite saying it earlier that day. I’d really appreciate some thoughts on the situation.

TLDR: my boyfriend m25 and I f21 have had a major falling out over a perception of something I said and my feelings of frustration being cut out of decisions and not treated like a partner and an equal.

AITA

Before I get into the situation at hand a little back story. A tale as old as time itself DIL and MIL don't meet eye to eye on most if not all things. My MIL is a text book narcissist she's the victim of all things and she does nothing wrong if something is wrong it's always someone else's fault. She can never take accountability for anything. In her marriage to my FIL (that man has more patience then all holy men put together) he is the perpetual victim here and it's always my MIL who ends up making him the victim of the situations she causes. My husbands family has 4 members FIL, MIL, husband and SIL; SIL has no children and refuses to have children (her perogative but necessary info) so my husband and I are the only ones with children. Meaning our kids are in laws only grandchildren so they try to visit maybe once a yr if we're lucky and only call once a month maybe. MIL believes she holds no responsibility to keep contact with us but it is our sole responsibility to contact her let alone MIL absolutely refuses to have any contact with me (I've stood my ground one too many times with her) she will either have FIL call or text me or she will text or call my oldest child and my husband for anything she needs. When we talk to them we tell them everything going on in our lives and how well the kids are doing etc etc it's literally always the same 20-30questions with MIL even FIL will try to remind MIL she's asked us these questions multiple times and she'll immediately get into the defensive and start saying no I didn't and will try to claim she has dementia per her DR. The woman doesn't have dementia she has selective memory and hearing (something I've called her out on before) this woman will try and commit an unaliving of herself the moment she's not being praised, my FIL gets busy at work on one their multiple anniversaries and forgets to text her, she can't live with HER grand baby etc. Literally anything that isn't her way she will either try to commit, pretend to commit, or will claim she didn't try anything yet the pill bottles were open and she was passed out (they were sleeping pills). My MIL is a handful on the best of days.

Now onto the situation at current hand; in laws were in town for a mini family vaca (forgot to mention we bought land and now own a farm turning into a ranch so we have live stock guardian dogs and other animals my dogs protect. We've mentioned this multiple times let alone the day before they arrived I reminded them knowing she takes her rat dogs everywhere even restaurants yes she's one of those. Her dogs are aggressive and untrained) they show up and immediately my dogs are barking and on high alert strangers are here so my kids run outside to greet them, her dog starts barking and growling in her dog purse and my dogs are curious but concerned and still on high alert they have animals to protect when I finally get outside I simply but loudly (to be heard over the dogs) say we can't be doing this right here. We need to stop this now and get everything under control. My MIL asks "what did you say?" To which I repeat but lowered voice as I'm now face to face with MIL we can't be letting this happen. We need to stop the barking and chaos. My dogs are protecting their animals. MIL: their animals? Me: yes, their animals. This is their flock/herd they are here to protect the flock/herd. MIL: oh I didn't know that Me: yes you did. We've talked about this many times. MIL: (MOOD shifts and she becomes defensive immediately) NO, I Didn't Know Any of That. (Yes just like that) Me: why are you being sarcastic and acting like we haven't spoken about this multiple times? MIL: I DIDN'T KNOW. Me: yes you did. (What I wanted to do was call her out on never listening to a thing we say). FIL walks up and MIL immediately says they should leave bc she doesn't want to cause problems (she manipulates people and situations regularly shes a pro at guilt trips). To which I said there's no problem we just can't let the dogs bark at each other. FIL: Asks what happened? Me: explain everything and again repeat myself about us not letting the dogs bark and growl.(I'm using us and we during all of this except when I called MIL out for basically acting clueless) MIL: sends FIL to grab bags from the truck (they always bring bags of dollar tree goodies or random free stuff they pick up from bank openings and what not.) Me: knowing where this is going takes a step back in hopes if everyone just takes a few mins to breath and relax they'll stay. I go inside. MIL and FIL are standing by the truck talking I assume it's about what happened but with a MIL twist. And I'm just like whatever at this point. They start walking to the front door I go out to greet again and invite everyone inside to which FIL responds there's no point in that they're just going to leave. My youngest starts crying MIL starts crying I'm stressing "please don't leave we just needed to get control of that situation. We can't be letting the animals stress each other out." Back forth gets us no where so we say our good byes and they left back to CA. They weren't even here 30 mins before MIL took what I was saying as an attack and forced FIL to drive them back. My husband called and asked them to come back; MIL said they're never coming back. I'm still at a loss here, I don't feel like the asshole but I might be off key so AITA?

To preface this I 33F am a child of divorce and I have one biological brother 30M who I'll call Trevor and growing up in my mothers house it was clear he was the favorite in her eyes. To explain briefly we basically grew up differently, he could do no wrong and I was always at fault. In school I was always punished for getting grades less than an A and he was rewarded with toys and treats if he got a C. If he didn't do chores cause he didn't feel like it I would get in trouble for not doing them and he was never punished. There are many instances and I don't want to bore you with them all as we will be here all day. To note My father never tolerated this crap with my brother so this crap happened at my moms.

For years I dealt with this and when I was at college and came home with my now husband and at the time boyfriend at Christmas at my dads my brother made a comment to my step sister when we got to my dads "hurry up Danielle and eat some food before S eats it all" I was pissed when he did that cause he knew growing up I was always slightly bigger and self conscious about my looks and knew calling me fat would get under my skin. I told my dad and he immediately reprimanded Trevor who claimed I did it to him but thankfully my husband backed me up and when I told my mom what happened she said "he never does that at my house so it must be your fathers fault". These instances of him gaslighting me and making rude and hurtful comments at my mothers were constant mixed with my mother "having me buy groceries and help with bills " but Trevor never had to( he ate all the food as fast he he could and I had to get groceries again so saving money was impossible. There are other instances of him belittling the entire family for not "celebrating" him graduating college when he never told anyone he was graduating (we were supposed to graduate together me in grad and him in undergrad but he had to add on an extra semester or two for failing classes so we didn't know when he was graduating and he never communicated it so no one said a thing to him) he constantly brings it up when he thinks he is being ignored or wronged. My mother pays for his cellphone bill and refuses to let her baby boy fail but if I am struggling it's not her problem and they are too strapped to help. This unfair treatment pushed me to the point where when I got the chance to move out for a teaching job I did.

A few years later my step sister was placed into state housing (she is 6 years older than me and has a severe disability where she can't take care of herself) so she was told she had to get ride of her cats. My brother who finally moved out took in my sisters favorite cat Gabby. For years he neglected this cat but claimed she was healthy until he got in a car accident and me trying to be a good sister went to help him at his apartment with my dad and step mom. We asked him about gabby as we didn't see her except for their new cat and some hairless cat and he pointed at a hairless skin and bones cat that was rubbing on our legs and goes "she is right there". We were ANGRY and I yelled what the fuck is your problem how could you neglect her!? Brother claimed "she is healthy don't worry she is adjusting to the new cat" my dad and step mom a few days later "took gabby" and had her looked at the vet and she was extremely under weight, malnurished, dehydrated and was suffering from infections from flea bites. My dad told my brother he isn't getting her back and then asked me if I was willing and able to take gabby cause he sure as hell is not bringing her back to my brothers shitty situation where he isn't taking care of her. So my husband and I took her in and I paid 1500$ in vet bills to nurse her back to health and she eventually gained weight back and her fur grew back and she thrived and wasn't afraid of people.

Now to the situation...I had to put Gabby down she had lung cancer and she was 18 she lived a long life the last five of her years with me and my husband where she was loved and taken care of. I called my mom crying when we made the choice and begged her to not say anything to anyone cause I don't want to hear from anyone cause losing anyone even a pet sucks. What does she do? My mother called my brother and he decided to text me and wrote "How dare you making a choice to kill MY cat without talking to me first. She could have relaxed and went on her own terms iat home which is what I would have done. You are a heartless bitch for doing that" I finally had enough over 25 years of gaslighting and emotional abuse from him and I exploded... I texted him "who the fuck do you think you are? You abused gabby and let her suffer I had to pay 1500$ to save her life and you did jack shit I am sick of you not giving a rats ass about anyone or anything no one owes you a damn thing. Grow the fuck up and NEVER talk to me again until you do"...I blocked him. Apparently he told my parents what I did and my dad and step dad both backed me up and called him an asshole for acting entitled and thinking he had the right to belittle and continue to treat me like shit when he has always been in the wrong. So he stopped talking to them for a few months. My mother on the other hand thinks I should just get over it and move on. She says "I don't like that my two kids are fighting" to which I tell her I'm not fighting with him I am done with him and his games where he plays the victim and instigates me to get me to react for him to act like a victim...this isn't a single event this is years of torment and him thinking he can do no wrong because she enabled him and still does...I am not talking to him until he grows the eff up... she says I need to let it go and get over it. She also tries to invite him to events she knows I am going to to try to force us together to I just refuse to go to any family function now since I know he will act like nothing is wrong and won't own up to his mistakes and apologize. Am I the asshole for refusing to talk to my brother?

Edit: I love the feedback and glad I see I'm not in the wrong. I want to address the same comment. 1- I live in my own house with my husband and kids three hours from my mother 2- after I moved out I rarely heard from my brother it was usually either him having a manic episode or to gloat about his life but never checking in on myself or kids 3 I have only recently gone LC with my mother when I was pregnant with my son who is now 10 months old...she kept herself in check with her crazy and narcissistic ways until we found out my daughter was severely allergic to dogs and I was pregnant too (last year) and that's a whole other story for another day. I only contact her for the sake of my kids but my daughter knows how crazy my mother is and understands why we don't see her and she only comes once a month to once every three months cause she sees my step brothers three kids more often and I have finally grown a backbone when I was pregnant with my son maybe I'll do a Reddit about that story later

Final update. Thanks for the feedback and comments they mean a lot and we are going nc with my mom as she is the enabler. My brother I have been Nc for a while now and do not plan to change that ever. Tigers never changed their stripes and he will never grow up and will forever be a baby who needs my mother to hold his hands

I (18f) am being yelled at for giving a mutual (16f) a reality check.

me and my friend (17f) let’s call her Addison. She had been complaining to me about our mutual let’s call her Riley. To give some context. I’m a brunette with an hourglass flat stomach while Riley is on the big side, double chin, chubby cheeks, a big tummy and hip dips. (Not body shaming here it will be important later)

Me, Riley, and Addison were doing a group hang out and Riley loudly made a judgy comment about a girl we saw who had curves with a small belly. Later when I got home Addison called me saying she was annoyed with Riley (I also was annoyed) we then were talking about how she needs to shut up because she isn’t no Kendall Jenner either.

Addison kept insulting others and decided i couldn’t keep quiet anymore. I then publicly called her out. She had just insulted another mutual who does have the kendal jenner body. She then started talking of wanting to go by the name valentine. That’s when I decide to speak up and say the name was the ugliest and most tacky name to ever f**king exist and she should think about loosing the botchy eyeliner and the 50 extra pounds before commenting on anyone else.

She then said I was being a b**ch and that I was fatter than my sister (who is 8 months pregnant) and to get my head out of a book to learn some respect (I’m a big book worm). Addison than said she was going to go mia with me because she was upset I would publicly shame and hurt her feelings in public and that I should’ve asked her first.

I rolled my eyes and told them they were made for each other and walked home with the mutual that was insulted. Rylie than called my boyfriend (23m) saying he should dump me cause im fat phobic and he should come over and comfort her. She also mentioned how she didn’t understand how I pulled him with my fat *ss. I then called ice on her and now she’s going back to our county and everyone is saying she doesn’t understand what she was doing and that im being a stone cold b**ch. AITA?

Sorry if this turns out longer then intended just need to get this off my chest and and get some feedback.

I 23F Met my 21M bf in November last year and we started dating just before Xmas, we had met online on a dating app and we just clicked and hit it off right away and went on our first date after about 3 weeks of talking, needless to say we had a great time and have been on multiple dates since then.

However he had come and met pretty much my whole family, to this day he has only not met 3 of my siblings because of distance, however when we had tried setting up to meet his family his Stepmother wanted absolutely nothing to do with me and started saying things like "I'm not meeting some random fucking person you met off the internet that you barley know! It's been 2 weeks I don't want anything to do with the whore!" Keep in mind at this point we had been together for a little over 4 months now and I had never spoken to her at this point for her to be saying things like that about me.

Some time had passed and it was about a month before we moved in together and I was on the phone with him as he had just left my place and went back to theirs for work the next day and she chucked the biggest bitch fit about what time he had gotten home, it was 6pm when he got home it was about a 2hr drive from where I was and he got stuck in traffic, he goes to bed at 8pm to get up for work at 2am so he had plenty of time before then, but that wasn't good enough and she proceeded to call me a "shit girlfriend" because I didn't make him leave sooner, fully knowing I was on the phone and actively saying it to me, I'm already extremely insecure about jot being good enough for my bf at this point so it made me feel worse and I ended up crying over it.

Skip to when we were moving I was in the car with him going to get some of his stuff from his dad and Stepmothers house, his dad and brother came out and talked to me while we put his stuff in the car, his dad then goes inside and tells Stepmother that we are there and I hear her get snappy with the dad calling him a "fu**ing dickhead" for not telling her sooner, she came out and starting talking to my bf then with the fakest smile I have ever seen introduced herself to me, I kind of just looked her up and down, said nothing and turned to bf and asked what other stuff he needed to grab, she kept trying to talk to me but after 7 months of her doing nothing but talking bad about me and disrespecting me for no reason I had wanted nothing to do with her so I said nothing and kept packing my stuff.

Later my mother told me I was being rude and an asshole for that, my mother has never met Stepmother before but seems to like to take her side all the time, about a month later BF's brother came to the house to help me with something and when he left I told him to say hello to his dad for me, he did and later I got a text saying that I'm a rude stuck up bitch and an asshole for how I'm treating Stepmother, I'm not trying to be an asshole to her, I just don't want anything to do with her, I should also note that bf and Stepmother don't have a good relationship either they both hate each other.

So AITA for Ignoring Stepmother? And if so how should I go about the situation? Personally I just don't want to deal with anything and I was raised by "if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all" and I'm sure if I was to say something I would be an asshole at that point.

(I should also add that through all of this my BF did stand up for me and told her not to speak about me the way she was as she didn't know me so had no right, which did make me feel a little better)

I need some women’s perspective on this. My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 6 months. She is a single mother to 2 wonderful kids. I would say that she is extremely independent. Our whole relationship she has absolutely hated me buying her things. I’m guessing that is because she’s independent. She Is absolutely obsessed with Harry Potter and legos. A couple months ago she sent me a Harry Potter lego set that she wanted and was saving up to get. The reason she couldn’t get it is because it is $400. So this weekend I tapped into my tattoo fund and bought it for her and surprised her with it. When I gave it to her she started crying tears of joy but after it’s like she was angry. I asked her what was wrong and she said she was annoyed that I bought it and annoyed I spent that much money. Idk if she’s annoyed because she feels guilty and is hiding something or what. Did I do something wrong?

I 39(F) and my husband (40m) have been married for 11 years, together for 13. One thing that we love to do is camp/travel, so our entire relationship we have had an RV of some sort. The have always been. Which is great because we live with my MIL and she decorates her home as she likes and the camper has always been my domain to add my own touches too. Last year my husband and FIL convinced for us to go half in a 40ft diesel pusher. FIL wants to spend time in the south during the winter and we only camp in the summer. So instead of maintaining 2 RV's we only had to take care of one.(My husband always helps his father take care of his "toys") This was really hard on me because I really LOVED the camper we had. However I just let it go. The new to us RV is not my favorite, it's older and the decor isn't my style. My FIL could care less about changes I want to make, like sanding and restaing the wood, changing the hardware on the cabinets, putting in updated light fixtures etc. My husband always says it's "too nice" I can't let you mess with it. So I do resent the bus a little bit, but it is what it is I guess. So I came up with another idea to but a pop up camper this fall for cheap and fix it up. I really just wanted something to decorate, and get out my creative energy. Also I wanted to be able to learn how to haul a trailer and set up camp by myself without my husband, just to know that I could do it alone. I figured the popup would be the way to go with getting started doing that. My husband was totally on board with the idea. However he wanted a say in what pop up I bought. (Make sure the structure was sound enough to put money into etc) I was so excited. That was until he used the budget I was looking to spend from 1,000 or less to 1,500. And he wanted to buy like right now. Which ment we got a popup within 2 weeks of me coming up with this thought. As we were driving home with the new to us trailer he told me "I have already looked up a set of wheels(rims) for this." At which point my stomach dropped, and I begged him "Please don't take over this project on me, just help me when I ask." He responded "Well I am just gonna do the technical stuff, and you can do what you want on the inside." I let it go, so I am going over things in the camper and drawing up plans of what I want. The pop up has 2 dinettes and I want to take out the smaller of the 2 to free up floor space and add additional storage cabinets. Later I was going over some things and mentioned the dinette, and he immediately shot me down. Saying we shouldn't mes with that because it would look like terrible and why would we get rid of seating. It's been like this with every idea. However in turn he said he was going to order a TV for the pop up, because he can't sleep without background noise, and he got upset when I said no. I know he is excited about having a new "toy" and he is very capable of doing up keep on things. I also value his opinion most of the time. I just want to have this one thing that is mine, and he is already taking over. I don't know how to tell him to back off without him getting upset. This is definitely a reoccurring theme, where he takes over projects instead if just helping me or showing me how to do something. However on this one thing I just want him to back off...

So to introduce the cast, there's me (21F), hubby (26M), his mum(60s?) And his younger brother (23M). I met my husband three years ago, (he was one of my customers at work) and we clicked. Despite challenges with his family, I stuck with him, and a few months ago, we got married. Now the wedding itself had no issues with his family, but every other time had issues. When I met Hubby, his father had terminal cancer and passed away a couple weeks after we were official. Due to that, his mum and brother moved in with him on his tiny off grid property. There's nothing on the property except for a caravan and bunch of greenhouses, so his mum had the main bed in the caravan while we slept in a tent when I came over. (His brother slept in a van) His mum became bitter after his father's death, and ordered him around, like fill the water tank, register the car, fix the car, build a roof, let the electric blanket use all the power. She rarely did stuff herself, same with his brother, who was a druggie. His brother had a bad history of drugs, threatened to kill the family, got convicted of having guns while threatening them, and tried to strangle hubby (before I met him). Technically there is a restraining order for hubby against brother because brother threatened him in front of the judge, but hubby still let's brother hang around. While at his place, I tried to get along with them, even when his brother would scream at him, insult him, threaten to kill him and burn down his place (in front of me) then act like nothing happened an hour later. Hubby would do the same and it was weird watching them act like nothing happened. Honestly, his brother scared me a lot. It all came down to a point with each his mum and brother where the family chipped in and got his mum a house (little bro didn't chip in). More chaos occurred which I shall not say otherwise it'll be too long. Defining moment was his mum almost slapping me when I stood up for hubby after she verbally abused him, hubby had jumped between us to stop her. And a while later, on a long trip, his brother screamed at us to keep driving at 1am, hubby caved in against my warnings that it was dangerous and kept driving only to hit a kangaroo at 4am. Little brother denied it was his fault and continued hitch-hiking, later calling us to tell us how HE was doing. Now several months later, I'm amicable with them, but mainly I keep to myself around them. I do still get them gifts, and made sure they were well involved in the wedding, but when we go visit, I tend to keep quiet and not really interact as I find it hard to feel comfortable around them now after all the bad history. Especially considering their personalities tend to be self-righteous even during normal times. Now Hubby keeps getting angry at me every time we visit because I don't interact with them more than I need to, but I hate putting on a fake smile and being bubbly, especially when my mind goes blank if I'm trying to think of responses when I'm uncomfortable around someone. So, am I the Ascon for not being comfortable around them? Sorry for the long post.

Ok so love the videos Dusty and Candy y'all make my job easier cause I'll either listen to yalou all podcast style or just let the videos play in my ear.

Sorry in advance for how this reads I've never truly posted before. So to preface this. My family sucks genuinely in my opinion. Most are bigots but all have given me emotional scars that I don't think will ever heal. I have two sons with my wife who I'll call S and my son's I'll call B and E. So my wife has had me go to these events with family for my son's to know my side of the family since hers are far and most don't contact us cause of them issues. I've been ok with it even tho I have a lot of trauma involved with my family. CONTEXT: when I was 16 my mother passed and I found out via email from my younger brother(days of flip cells and showed him how to email via hyperlinks). No one from my family came and got me no one said anything to me I was skipping school on a library PC and had no one just reading an email that said "mom's dead" I had to get a ride from my step mother (SM 40+), who during this period of my life was using me in a very adult way and was able to control me because my mother, who was a drug addict, could not keep a job and so when I was being used we got food for our apt, which my mother didn't know about as far as I knew until she did. Well SM took me to the hospital my mother's body was at and in the grieving room was my entire family on my mother's side who gave me and SM evil stares when I stepped in the room. It was after SM left that my family tore into me for bringing "that disgusting woman to this place"(my entire family knew I was being abused) The rest of the yelling was about how I was a shitty son, how I unalived my mom, how I was terrible, how I drove her to drugs, how she would still be here if I was a better son, etc. they didn't even allow my older brother to take me to the room my mom's body was in and made me go with the coroner(who wasn't any help as she began to cry in the room because her son had died years before and so I had to console a grown woman while staring at my mom's body on a table) then after a week of being essentially told nothing and ignored. I got guilt tripped at my mom's funeral cause I was the last to go to her casket.

Back to present situation sorry for that just want to give all context. So my wife knows this stuff happened and was part of my healing when I was an alcoholic from these events. I hold no hatred or resentment towards my wife cause I know why she wanted to go in the first place, she wanted to have more family and to help me heal from the trauma in hopes everyone had grown after the years since my mom's passing. Well the first event was Thanksgiving and when a few kids nearly ran my wife(then gf) over by running around the house she made a joke about it and my cousin gave her an evil stare and told to go sit down then... I was immediately irritated but my wife ran with the punches this cousin and one of my aunts who I'll call BA (bad aunt) have been rude to her and me every year since, I have mentioned this feeling of not going a few times after this but S wanted to keep trying. This lasted until when my first son B was born.

When B was born we had a bunch of people fawning over him at the event we went to but they still were disparaging S but lightly this year cause B. The year after we had our second son who we will call C, I didn't mention C in the preface due to the fact I will explain here. C was our second child and he and B were Irish twins(less than a year apart) he made it to mid November when we unfortunately woke up and he had passed in his sleep(I have PTSD from this and S has had some issues as well but she has,to my irritation, expressed it killing me more cause I have blamed myself since that day cause I gave CPR and tried to save him and it wasn't enough and lost faith(this is a huge issue to my Bible thumping family which has been brought up which is why I bring it up) that Christmas we went just for the normality and it wasn't great cause at the end my grandmother forced B to give her a kiss(held his face still even though he specifically said he didn't want to). The year aftwr we thankfully skipped cause during that year S miscarried our third child after we had E in August of 2022 and he was our rainbow baby, that Christmas wasn't as eventful except some snide comments from everyone because I had lost 100 lbs that I put on. (Was 400 and now at 275) And how is probably put it back on cause my older brother Put weight back in and he's much better than I am apparently The final straw was last Christmas when B accidentally spilled some juice on the floor and S asked GA(good aunt, who hosts the events) if she could get her some paper towels as I was in another room and she was with both B and E. My cousin proceeded to say out loud, "if they were my kids id clean it myself not have the host clean it" even tho S was asking for paper Towels to clean it herself I joined the conversation after I heard yelling from S who finally after nearly 8 years with me stood up for herself(not that I wouldn't have stood up for her but every year she would downplay it and ask me to be civil even though I repeatedly wanted to leave and burn this bridge) well my family gaslit her saying that is was a miscommunication and that she needs to not be emotional and shit and defended cousin over S. The issue is S wants to go back this year too even though I told her I'm tired of her putting herself through this, they are shit people and imo the highest level of Ascon like beyond a 1. But her point is that the boys need more family and deserve to know their family because she went without. So I ask you... Aita for not wanting to go to these events even though in S's opinion it'll deprive my kids of a part of their family.

tl:Dr will I be the Ascon for keeping my kids and wife away from my abusive family.

I apologize for the really long story but I do desire advice with full info instead of half the story like some stories like so many AITA feel like they contain