Q&As

His over tightening jar lids has been an issue since he was just visiting at my house when we were dating. First it started with just things he used and then over time it became every damn glass jar with a metal lid. He'd tighten them so much I couldn't open them without assistance. It wasn't a huge deal if he was there, but if I was alone, it was so annoying. More times than I can count, I've opened a new jar of something because I couldn't get the jar open.

It's been a recurring cycle over the past 5 years. It's just a thing that would escalate until I had a major meltdown and freaked out, screaming, frustrated and seemingly crazy because it's just a lid. Then it would get better for a while, then it would slowly become an issue again. Just getting worse and worse until I reach a breaking point again. Sometimes I literally feel insane for being so upset over jar lids.

He initially claimed that he did it to 'keep food fresh'. After many arguments about it, and my insistence that I don't believe it keeps anything fresh and even if it does make things last longer I don't care if it means I can't eat my freaking food when I want. I'll just replace things that go bad because they are closed normally. Then the excuse was that it's a habit.

So about a month ago my husband had a family emergency and had to travel out of state for 10 days. First day he's gone, I discover a jar I can't open. I was annoyed and was going to the store to buy new pickles when the neighbor said hi and to let him know if I needed anything while stbex is out of town. I said wait here and got the jar which he opened.

The next day I saw him outside and asked him to open another jar. He offered to come open all the jars. I agreed and he came in and he went to the fridge and opened all the jars except 2, which he couldn't get open.

I thanked him profusely and told him I'd baked some of his favorite cookies later in the week. He laughed and said it was no big deal and after confirming that I wouldn't be upset if the remaining two jars were destroyed in his attempt to open them, he took them home to his garage to open them one way or another.

He said that he's heard me screaming about over tightened jar lids a few times over the years and he's really pondered if I was crazy or if my husband was really over tightening the jar lids.

He said you know this was intentional. It was every jar, and I'm sure he doesn't regularly use hot pepper paste or mango puree or any of your other fancy cooking stuff. Then he held up the two jars he couldn't open and said, I don't know why he's doing it but it wasn't an accident.

After he left, I locked the door and sat on my kitchen floor and cried. Then I felt hot and light headed. I vomited in the trash can. My chest hurt. It crossed my mind that I might be having a heart attack. I thought about calling an ambulance but sat back down on my kitchen floor instead okay with just dying if it was a heart attack.

Later the neighbor came back with the opened jar of hot fudge and apologized that he couldn't save the figs. He said he broke the jar trying to get it open. He also apologized for what he said about my husband doing it on purpose. I assured him it was okay.

I couldn't sleep that night. Tossed and turned all night. I called out of work. By 10 am, I realized that I couldn't stay married anymore and I made an appointment with a lawyer for the next day.

There are literally no other issues, no cheating, no abuse, we had a good sex life, both have good jobs, nice house, no financial issues. He was absolutely blindsided when he came home and I told him I wanted a divorce.

He still won't admit that he tightened the lids on purpose. He suggested we go to marriage counseling, but I refused. There is no point. I just literally can't get past the god damned jar lids. I still feel a little bit crazy about that. I have no idea why he would tighten every jar lid so tightly that I couldn't open it. He has given me no reason. He still won't even admit that he did it on purpose. But the hot pepper paste is in the back of the fridge. I use it only when I make Indian food. It's behind other things. He's never used it. It's nothing you could put in food without cooking it. The pepper paste could not have been an accident. It couldn't. Maybe he put mango puree on his toast or in his oatmeal, but the pepper paste couldn't have been an accident.

That's what my life comes down to. I'm getting a divorce because the lid to my hot pepper paste was over tigh. If it had been every jar except that one, I could try. I could have a sliver of doubt. I could do something else but I just can't get past the hot pepper paste.

Most of our friends and families either think I'm crazy or an AH. What do you think?

I (29f) have been friends "Claire" (28f) since high school. We have a small group of friends that has stayed close since then.

Claire is pregnant and had her baby shower yesterday. I wore a white and blue floral sundress. I didn't think anything of it because, as far as I know, white is only inappropriate for bridal events.

When I arrived at the shower, Claire's mood seemed to immediately sour and she was really cold toward me. Later, one of my other friends pulled me aside and asked me to leave. She said that Claire was offended by my "attention seeking behavior" and that it was inappropriate to wear white to Claire's event. I left.

I'm super confused. Like I said, I thought the white rule only applied to bridal events. Our friends are refusing to take sides but a couple have told me I should apologize even if I don't think I'm wrong. AITA?

I'm in a bit of a mess right now and could really use some outside perspective. My (29F) soon-to-be ex-husband (34M) and I have been together for 6 years and married for 4, though it feels more like we have only been married for three. When we got married, we signed a prenup. One of the clauses stated that if either party cheated, they would forfeit their right to a substantial portion of our shared assets. At the time my husband made more than me because I was still working on my master's degree.

Fast forward to about a year ago, I found out that my husband had been having an affair with a colleague for almost a year because his AP messaged me and told me how my STBX loved her and how I was a bitch for refusing to divorce him. I was devastated. After confronting him, he admitted to it, apologized profusely, and begged for another chance. But the trust was shattered, and I couldn't see a way to repair our marriage.

As we started the divorce proceedings, I brought up the cheating clause in our prenup. My husband was shocked and tried to convince me to overlook it, saying that enforcing it would be vindictive and ruin his financial stability. The judge, however, disagreed, and gave a ruling that the prenup will be followed because it is considered valid in our state. After the hearing got his family involved, who accused me of being cold-hearted and vengeful. They argued that people make mistakes and that I was using this as an opportunity to "screw him over" financially.

Here's the thing: I worked hard for everything I have. After I got my master's degree and got my new job, I earn significantly more than him, and most of our assets came from my income and investments. The prenup was meant to protect us both, especially him, considering the disparity in our financial contributions at first, but now it protects me more than him.

By enforcing the clause, he stands to lose a considerable amount of money and assets. I understand that this will significantly impact his life, but I also feel that actions have consequences. Cheating is a serious betrayal, and the clause was there to protect me from exactly this situation.

My friends are divided on the issue. Some say I'm justified and that he knew the risks when he cheated. Others think I'm being too harsh and that I should show some compassion, especially since he's already apologetic and remorseful and they know, with my savings, I could easily buy him out of the house and start over. My lawyer said this is what prenups are for: to protect pre-marriage and post-marriage assets. I just feel bad because I know what he stands to lose, even though he tore my heart to shreds.

AITA?

I have a rare genetic disorder called Erythropoietic Protoporphyria. This is a metabolic disorder which causes liver damage in some patients (including me). The main day to day symptom, however, is hyper sensitivity to daylight. This means if I am exposed to daylight (in summer) or direct sunlight (in winter) then I have about 2-3 minutes before I am in unbearable pain that lasts for around a week. When I'm in that much pain, I can't dress myself, eat, drink or even have room lights turned on. Ask me anything...

So my family is my dad, mom, my two sisters and my two brothers. I'm (17m) the oldest. My dad was estranged from his dad since he was my age. His mom died when he was 10. So we never knew grandma either. My dad was open about the fact grandpa wasn't a very nice man and all kinds of stuff. But he never went into details. I know he really did a number on dad because I still sometimes see dad look ashamed if he spills something or makes a mistake. I also know he tries to hold back any time he cries and looks downright disgusted with himself for crying.

Three years ago his dad reached out and my mom and my sister (15) were SO excited and basically welcomed him into the family. Dad said no way. He and mom fought a lot about it. My siblings all told dad they had a right to know our grandfather and he should love his dad.

I was dragged along at first and I stopped going. Dad has refused to have any part in it and he and mom fought because he told her his father was never going to step foot inside our house and if he did, then dad would leave and he would never come back. So mom takes my siblings to see him.

Christmas was a huge fucking fight last year because they decided to spend it with this dude and my dad refused to go and so did I. My siblings started crying into dad's face that they wanted Christmas with him. Mom was calling him selfish. She tried to do the whole "I'm your mother and you listen to me" and dad told her he's my father and I could stay with him if I wanted to.

They're still sour about it but then dad took me out for his birthday and didn't come home until late because he found out they were planning to take him out to meet with his father. My dad told my mom and my siblings since he cannot trust them with his birthday, he will only celebrate with the people he can trust now. I also heard him tell mom this couldn't continue and they needed to divorce.

Now my mom is freaking out because she doesn't want the divorce and my siblings are really upset. They told me I should help since dad and I are still close. I told them they should learn to live with the consequences of their decisions. I pointed out to mom she was always big on us learning. I told them this is a big one. My mom told me my siblings are so young and don't deserve this. I told her it's all her fault because she undermined dad by making a point to demand he come in front of my siblings and so they think they can manipulate him and not listen.

AITA?

27F, 32M. We have only been dating for three months before I accidentally got pregnant. We used contraception, but it failed. Anyway, he was really excited and wanted to keep the baby. He promised we will live together soon and he will propose. At the end of my first trimester, none of it happened, he wasn’t even trying, so I did an abortion without his consent for two reasons: 1. He would have tried to convince me not to do it and I didn’t want to go through that. 2. I have made my final decision because he didn’t prove his promises and I was scared of being a single mother. I weighted on what I can and can’t do and it wasn’t one of the things I could have gone through, I am not strong enough to be raising a child by myself in the worst case scenario. Why haven’t I told him sooner? He already showed up unannounced at my house with the address he stole off my driver license to try and stop the abortion when I told him about heavily considering it. I thought it would be safer to just state the fact after it’s done.

I knew he would leave me after that and he did. But AITA?

EDIT: I forgot to add that he actually didn’t mind at first, and agreed to buy me a present for my birthday if I bought it first, meaning he would return the money. I did, but he never returned the money by saying he was too traumatised by an abortion all of a sudden weeks later, insulting me for the choice. Which is why I’m now questioning if I’m really an AH

EDIT: I have been in a really dark place before and with all people supporting me, you really made me cry. Thank you so much. I was almost feeling suicidal over my decision. And now I think it’s the first day I actually can feel like life is worth living

I (36f) am currently 10 weeks pregnant with my partner (41M). He and his sister are incredibly close and he insisted he wanted her to be the first to know we were expecting. I agreed on the basis she would keep it secret until I'd told my other two children (not partners).

We booked a quiet dinner for us and her and her partner whom I'd never met. Obviously I'm not drinking, but she bumped into her ex at the same restaurant and the shots started flowing. After the news there was a huge fuss by her about how excited she was for her brother and herself becoming an aunt. I got a very quick hug and that's it. I had a lemonade whilst they were doing shot after shot. My partner kept calling the waiter for another bottle of wine, and another round of shots. 8 times he reordered drinks, not once did he ask if I'd like another lemonade. SIL spent 6 hours telling us all over and over how her ex had cheated on her etc etc, so ultimately everyone was giving her sympathy the entire night and baby was not mentioned again. It was entirely about her, and once she finally moved on from the ex she began talking about how amazing she was etc- she is very beautiful there's no denying it, but it was very heavy. Add to that she was so drunk she knocked a bottle of red wine all over brand new suede boots I'd spent a lot of money on and just laughed. Partner merely said 'they're fine!' To shut me up.

Another 2 bottles of wine and approx 9 shots each, my still being sat in the corner sober and entirely ignored, still without a drink, she decided she wanted to go to a nightclub. Me pregnant and obviously not wanting to cause a scene (and unable to leave as we were staying at her place 300 miles from home) went along, albeit incredibly tired and feeling very sick. NOBODY asked if I was feeling ok or up for it. We get into the nightclub and I'm trying to avoid being pushed everywhere, and she then finally speaks to me, asks me to take pics of her with her brother, with her partner, and then group photos of the three of them- I was not asked to join or be in a single photo. A total stranger witnessed and insisted he would take one with me in it but she refused to smile and despite him saying so and to take another she walked away.

My partner said nothing, did nothing and I was pretty much a spare part /photographer the entire night without so much as a lemonade. In fact the only person that asked if I were ok and actually congratulated me was her partner whom was incredibly drunk and I'd only met 5 hours prior.

Whilst in the nightclub and despite being told it was still a secret she continued to loudly announce 'my brother's pregnant' and 'I'm going to be the best auntie ever!' All whilst pointing at her brother, my standing there again like a total spare part and trying not to cry. She then proceeded to call everyone in her phone and tell them all exactly the same with no mention of me whatsoever -again despite being repeatedly told it's a secret until my children are told, and the people she was calling have kids that are friend with mine.

AITA for being upset? Is this normal behaviour and I'm over reacting? I haven't said anything to either of them about it because it wouldn't make a difference anyway but I can barely look at him. I've raised similar issues with her being rude and acting like I'm invisible before and he always says I'm over reacting because he has a close family and I don't. So I know it wouldn't change a thing and he'd likely just call her and tell her everything I said anyway.

Link to original post:

Thanks for all the comments and validation, really gave me some perspective.

Here’s the update.

Just FYI this is my partner’s account as I don’t have my own.

My sister and I have had a rocky relationship since forever (due to childhood trauma), I’ve cut her off many times due to this kind of disrespect and breaking of boundaries. I’m not perfect myself but I want this relationship to work.

Our phone conversation ended in a screaming match where I stated she will only get the spare room, but she insisted it was unfair because she would pay more money!!

She later texted me a photo of a workmate holding up the middle finger with a text saying “(name) said you are being petty lmao”

I texted back in the fashion many of you suggested.

OP: “Tell him he’s a cunt”

OP: “You’re a guest at my home you’re not taking the master bedroom. That’ll be empty for two weeks”

Sister: “You cannot keep using the excuse "It will be empty for two weeks" How the fuck do you think I've had roommates before and how anyone that does FIFO have roommate before like I'm gonna go live in a small room for my break as Well as going back to work and living a small room again like awesome no luxuries sweet”

OP: “You are not a roommate! I’m doing you a favour by letting you have a roof over your head for a short while, you don’t get “luxuries” when it’s your only option. Also my “luxuries” get taken away in MY home because you say so???. your VERY out of touch with the average full time young adult living in a strangers room because that’s their only option, Absolutely not fair. I finally have something to myself After three years of shit…..”

Sister: “Girl you aren’t the very last and only option lmao your just the easiest”

OP: “Okay then my offer is off the table”

Would I be the asshole if I cut off this bitch off again?

My ex and I were married for 11 years. I have 2 kids (14 and 15) from a previous relationship. Their mom is not in the picture. We also had 3 kids together (10, 7, 5). She filed for divorce 2 years ago and dragged it out by trying to get full custody of not only her 3 but my 2 that have no biological relation to her.

After a very long custody battle, I ended up with full custody of my older 2 and she got 4 hours every other Saturday with the younger 3 due to her declining mental health.

Shortly after the custody battle ended, my ex wife committed suicide. I didn't plan on telling the kids and I sure as hell wasn't going to take them to the funeral but my ex's mom contacted may older 2, told them the news, and took them to the funeral behind my back.

They're furious with me. They say I made her do it, that I should've told them, I should've let them see/talk to her. They also told their younger siblings. Now the younger 3 are a mess and the older 2 refuse to speak to me. They want to move in with my brother now and he's saying I'm a bad parent to the kids and that it was cruel to not tell the kids about their "mom" or take them to her funeral.

AITA

Last week my daughters (9) and (7), were on an outing to the zoo while under the supervision of our daycare center. On the return trip to the daycare center the driver of the conversion van was distracted and crossed into the path of a semi, hitting them almost head on. Thankfully it was in a 35 mph zone, and the driver of the semi attempted to swerve out of the way. The accident resulted in my oldest daughter breaking her wrist, and getting a lot of bruises and cuts. After speaking with my kids, they informed me my daughter was sitting in a seat that was known by the kids to be broken and would often slide forward if another kid would kick it from behind. Unfortunately during the accident the chair slid forward and then came out of its tracks, resulting in my daughter landing on her hands and knees on the floor and hitting her face on the floor of the van. Her injuries are very inconsistent from the injuries of the other children in the van.

I was asked yesterday if I was going to pursue any legal action against the daycare. I honestly have no idea if there is a need. Of course I'm mad, and want the insurance company of the daycare to cover all of the expenses, but is there opportunity to pursue legal action? Should I seek out the advice of a lawyer and have some sort of investigation to see if they neglected the van which created a hazard for my daughter resulting in more severe trauma?

Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

Edit: Thank you all for the wonderful advice and concern for my girls. I reached out to a personal injury attorney and I'm meeting with him tomorrow.

Also, if you're interested here's the story from the news.

My cousin Debra [33F] cost me [32M] $2000 AUD in our interstate holiday last year. She accidentally (and recklessly) slammed the door of our rental car into the neighbouring parked car. The rental car was under my name, and consequently I was liable for the excess payment. It's been over eight months and she has yet to pay me back.

Debra argued that the rental car was shared among all seven cousins. And that accidents were a part of the risk of sharing a rental vehicle. Given that all the cousins had initially agreed to split the costs of the trip, this $2,000 should also be split. Some of the cousins were on board. Others weren't. I wasn't. I didn't agree to split the costs of entirely avoidable and reckless mistakes.

Either way, because we couldn't come to an agreement, what ended up happening was that no one has paid me a cent.

After a few months of hounding Debra, and largely getting ignored, she broke down in tears claiming that she's financially struggling at the moment, and can barely make ends meet. For context, Debra is an accountant at one of our country's big accounting firms. She has to be on at least $100,000 AUD. So she isn't struggling financially. She's just bad with her finances.

But whatever. I let it slide. And, honestly, I forgot about the $2,000—until last weekend.

Debra posted a photo of a Tifanny & Co necklace with the caption "Hard work pays off! Success isn't easy, but it's shiny!". I looked up the necklace; it costs $880 AUD. I responded with, "If you were half as successful as you are pretending to be, you'd pay me back the $2,000 you owe me.". Honestly, I wasn't thinking. I was just acting out of anger. But unexpectedly people started reacting to my comment, leaving their own comments such as "Deb owes you money too?" and "I see Deb hasn't changed a bit". That wasn't my intent. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't find it funny.

Debra deleted her post several hours lately, but hasn't said a word to me. However, she must have complained to the other cousins, because two of our cousins reached out and said "[I] went too far" and that "[I] should have kept the matter within the family". Which is easy for them to say, they're not out $2,000.

Before I let my anger get the better of me, AITA, or am I in the right here?

I (23F) recently caught my best friend Gina ( 23F) saying that she's sexually attracted towards my boyfriend & she will hookup with him if she gets an opportunity. Me & My fiance are engaged for 6 months & currently planning our wedding. My fiance knows Gina through me & They are good friends since then. I caught her when she was expressing her feelings with 2 of our friends ( I arranged a home party for us & invited all my female friends). When one of those 2 friends brought the topic us getting married, Gina literally said fuck off & She doesn't care. She also said my fiance will leave me if he had sex with her for once cause she knows how to drain balls ( seems like a total fucking expert).

I pushed the door & went in. All 3 of them tried to act normal first but when I told them I heard everything, Gina's face became pale. She said she was joking & those meant nothing. Other 2 friends also accompanied her saying that they were just joking around. I didn't hear any of their nonsense & kicked them out from my house.

Now my friend group is divided in two parts. One side it totally supporting mesaying I did the right thing, Other part is standing with Gina & said that I overreacted. They said friends makes this types of jokes in weddings & it's nothing serious. They also said I need to grow up because I acted like a child & throwing away a childhood friendship over some pity jokes.

So Aitah?

So I (23f) am going on vacation in a few days. I’ll be gone for a couple of weeks, several states away, to visit friends and family for the first time since I made my big move post-college to be with my partner (27f). I’ve really enjoyed (and honestly prefer) my new life/area, but it doesn’t keep me from getting homesick.

I told my partner’s mother Jane (67f) about my trip (it’s been a recurring topic the last couple months as I’ve been planning it) so that she knows I won’t be present for regular visits and stuff. Yesterday, while discussing my flight plans, Jane asked if she could add me to the tracker on her phone so she could keep an eye on me. She has her other children (31m & 22m) as well as my partner on this tracking app and randomly checks in whenever they’re staying or traveling more than a couple hours away.

It does sometimes unnerve me when I’m traveling with my partner and aware of the fact that Jane can just watch our every move (and she does sometimes call during the drive to or from a destination to ask why we’re taking a certain route), but I just try to forget about it. These are her kids, and I assume they’ve consented to this process, so I just try not to dwell on it and compartmentalize it as “none of my business”.

Anyway, I said no to being tracked. I told her I’m more than happy to keep in touch and check in each evening and at crucial points of my travel (such as plane departure and arrival), but that tracking is totally out of the question and that I am simply uncomfortable with it. She asked why, and I reminded her of how my father use to behave with my mother, and later to an extent with me, and she said it’s not fair that I’m treating her like my father when she’s a much better person. I told her I’m not treating her like my father, just that his actions have me uncomfortable with the idea of people (especially parental figures tbh) tracking me.

Jane is upset and can’t understand why I won’t just let her track me and has made a passive aggressive remark about it already. My partner insists she will drop it soon and just ride it out and let her burn herself out about it, and that she’s just concerned for my safety because she really likes me and not that she’s trying to be weird of controlling. I get that, but I’m not willing to budge. AITA?

For context: My dad used to follow my mom sometimes or have friends keep tabs on her (his best friend lives next door to my grandma) and report on how late at night she would leave, if she was alone or with company, who she was with, when she came back, etc. Sometimes if he spotted her in town he would tail her until he could see if she was with somebody and who it was. Sometimes he would bring me, when I was 10-13. He’d get moody if she was with a man even though they split when I was like 2. When I hit my teens he started accusing me lying, hiding stuff, etc. So yeah, I don’t want to voluntarily be on someone’s tracking app. Jane is aware of this information.

EDIT: Some people are bringing up the idea that the real reason Jane wants to track me is because my partner wants to track me. This doesn’t make any sense. Kelley (my partner) knows that I’m willing to share my location with her. I told her if I was going to let anybody do it, it’d be her, and she told me that she’s fine with just calling/texting me. We’ve never had issues with one of us lying to or deceiving the other, and the most Kelley gets into my business is “how was your day, what did you get up to”. She’s also supportive of me and the fact that I don’t want Jane to track me.