My husband met some guy back last year and became close with him over the months. He just invited us down for a BBQ at his house yesterday. We brought food as well. We brought enough for 12 burgers, 12 hot dogs and some extra (like sodas, chips, etc). There was roughly 8 adults and probably around 12 kids at the BBQ, not including us and our 3 kids (13, 9 and 8months).

Our oldest of 3 children doesn't like hot dogs. He is grossed out by them. He watched a video on how they were made years ago and has refused to touch them since. So when he went up to the grill and he was handed a couple hotdogs, he politely asked for a burger instead. The guy at the grill (husband's friend) says "nope, sorry kid, the burgers are for the adults". I tried explaining that he doesn't like hotdogs and the guy just kind of shrugged his shoulders. So I asked for a burger and right in front of him I had my son switch plates with me. This did cause some hang ups. The other kids were asking why he got a burger when they weren't allowed to. However, no one said anything directly to me or my son.

Well, this guy's been texting my husband today saying that next time there's a BBQ, I'm not invited, followed by an "lol" like it was a joke. Husband asked why and he said that I caused an uproar over a hotdog and that this was "just how shit went" at their house and that burgers are for the adults only whenever there's a BBQ at their place and they "won't be changing their rules" to accommodate to a lone child. My husband hasn't responded and now I'm just pissed in general because now I think the guys a scum bag. It wasn't like we went empty handed. 12 extra burgers is what I personally brought and if my son wanted one of them, he's going to have one regardless of what this man says. My husband thinks I should just drop it but he's literally not defending me or our son here and I'm pissed. Was I wrong here?

My fiancé and I (22m and 21f) have 2 kids, 5f and 3f. Our 5 year old, Sophie, is very strong willed and tends to go through picky phases. Right now her thing is she wants an egg and cheese sandwich for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. All it is is scrambled eggs with whatever kind of cheese we have in the house on white bread. She's also determined that I am the only person allowed to make her egg and cheese sandwiches.

I have stage 2 melanoma. Most of the time I'm ok but I need to take a few days to rest after chemo and I don't cook on those days. My mom is also staying with us to help with the kids and take me to appointments.

Sophie tends to do these little hunger strikes where she says she won't eat anything but whatever food she wants at the moment and I have to be the one to make it. The thing is, by 10-11 am she tends to crumble and agree to only have a cheesy egg sandwich for breakfast and eat other foods/my fiancé's or mom's cooking.

Well, now my dad is visiting and he tends to spoil the kids. I had chemo yesterday and Sophie is currently demanding that I get up and make her sandwich and every 5 minutes I have my dad coming in to tell me to make the sandwich, he knows I'm not feeling well but it's less than 5 minutes and Sophie needs to eat. I told him she'll stop when she realizes she won't get her way but he thinks I'm being a bad mom by not getting up and giving in to this hunger strike that happens almost every weekend.

AITA for not giving in to the hunger strike?

Disclaimers: on mobile, non-English speaker, not in the US.

This story started in 2017, was repeated every year until this year and I have promised my Father-in-law to repeat the compliance if it happens again.

My in-laws used to live just outside of town (they moved this past fall to my MIL's home island and we moved in their place). And when I say just outside, I mean about 2 meters outside of the city plan; to be exact (and important for later) the city plan reached up to the middle of the dirt road that separated their property with the neighboring one.

So, back in spring of 2017, my in-laws received a letter from the city council about cleaning their property from dead grass in preparation for summer due to fire hazards or they would be fined. The letter and the deadline (end of May) were normal; what wasn't normal was the area named. It was their property, the property next to them (inside city limits) and the road in between. My FIL took the letter to the council and explained that the property next to him didn't belong to him and couldn't clean it. They appeared to accept it. But something was nagging him.

Now, my FIL had worked in exactly in two companies in life, both of them handling big government contracts and his main job was to take care of red tape and government bureaucracy. So he found the exact law that said that the owner was responsible for their property and the city was responsible for any roads and any properties inside city limits that an owner couldn't be found. He had also found (through his connections) that the local council was under investigation for misappropriation of funds, including the funds for cleaning lots that were considered fire hazards. The tactic they used was to include lots that fell under their responsibility to nearby owners and either "intimate" (with the fear of a fine) to clean them or fine them and pocket the money.

My FIL decided to become creative. First, he gathered all the plans related to his property and the one next to him. Next, he cleared his property (he was planning to do that anyway), but only that; he cleared the part of the road that fell outside city limits. And then he waited.

The deadline passed and about 10 days later, a hefty fine arrived. My FIL challenged officially. The council tried to enforce the fine. My FIL challenged it again, presenting his evidence, on an open forum of the council. The council insisted they were on the right and if my FIL didn't pay, they would take legal action. My FIL agreed happily to the legal action.

This led to the court appointing an outside inspector to check the property, the city plans and the work my FIL had done. The council, not only lost the case and had to pay legal fees, but were forced to an outside audit that led to a couple of councilmen facing criminal charges.

Every year since then, my FIL used to clean his property and exactly up to the middle of road next to him. That duty has been passed down to me now, which I fulfilled this year.

Much like many other stories I have seen, I also have a MIL who turned toxic when I got pregnant with her youngest son's baby. My husband and I are both 26. He has 3 siblings, all older, whom MIL does not act like this with (36F, 34F, 32M). I got along with her really well up until we announced that we were expecting. After that, she sunk her claws in to my husband. She made every attempt possible to get him over to her house and away from me. Started showering him with gifts. Told everyone that she was "indifferent" about us having a baby and made it clear she wasn't excited for us. She even made an attempt to sneak in to the delivery room because "her baby" needed support. It's been a shit show since we announced we were expecting. Our baby is now 8 months old. She has met the baby 3 times. Held the baby once for, at most, a minute and a half. Most of the time she just comes here and asks my husband to go to her house to "help her" with things she is very capable of doing herself. Such as level a picture frame, put air in her tires, set up her email (at least once a month), write letters for her, etc. She claims she "doesn't know how" to do these things herself and she "needs a man's hands". She literally has a boyfriend at home.

It's started really picking up now that it's summer. My husband is barely home as it is because during summer months his job gets incredibly demanding and he is the manager of the company. He's working 50-60hr weeks. And like clock work, his mother will call either as soon as he's off work or on his only days off and crying to him about needing something done and not being able to do it herself. And she does so in such a way that my husband truly does believe that she is incapable of doing these things. Where his siblings all live out of state now (they have all moved within the past 3 months), he is the only "help" she has. It has caused many arguments because he is convinced she actually needs him and refuses to see that she's being toxic. So, yes, a husband and MIL problem.

Today he had the day off and we were supposed to go grocery shopping, as we have nothing in the house. My vehicle has been out of commission for going on 2 weeks and is currently in the shop so I couldn't go myself. Well, this morning he made a dump run while I got the baby ready to go and he calls me about 20 minutes in to the trip stating that his mom called and she "needs" him to help her real quick. I told him that he would need to help her later because I'm starving and there's nothing to eat here. So, he comes home. As we were unloading the groceries after shopping, his mother showed up and started really pushing him to "hurry up" because her task can't wait and she can't do it herself. I ask what she is so desperately needing help with and she says "I need my grill cleaned". I asked if she was serious, because I personally have seen this woman clean her grill herself several times. She says "yes, I don't know how to clean it properly". My husband didn't know what she needed help with at this point so he says "mum, you don't need me to do that". She starts getting pissed and arguing that she 'does' need him. I then say "you know, instead of trying to limit your son's time with his child, you should be encouraging him to be a more present dad. You need to start doing things for yourself. I didn't have a child with a man for his mom to step in and start demanding he suckle from her tit again." Her face immediately went beet red and said that I was disgusting for insinuating something like that, so I said that I'm not the one trying to create an enmeshment relationship with my son, so she's creating the picture, not me. My husband didn't go help her but is irritated with me because I "embarrassed" both him and his mother. AITA?

My brother Nicky (25m) is married to Liza (24f). They were at my parents house on Sunday for dinner and Liza really annoyed the crap out of me, something that isn't new, and I said something in anger and I might be TA for it maybe.

So Liza has a wealthy family. They paid for her and her siblings college expenses 100%. They paid for Nicky and Liza's house. They paid for their wedding. They're paying for one of their sons weddings this summer. They can afford all that. Liza has always been very... open, if trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, about it. She never hid the fact she came from money and was never shy about saying her parents pay for so much for her and her siblings.

Liza doesn't understand that we're not all that lucky. I'm 19f, work full time and I still live with my parents. We couldn't afford college. I didn't get the grades for a scholarship. Struggled enough through school that getting into massive debt for college when I could end up flunking seemed like a bad move for me. So I focus on working and I applied for a couple of training programs close to my parents house so I could try and do better without risking debt for nothing.

Liza looks down on me so hard for living with my parents still and for not going to college. Sunday she talked about how all her siblings attended college, how three of them are still in college, living there and doing just fine. How they'll be able to buy houses right out of college. How even she and my brother could do it. My parents said politely that not everyone can do all that. But then she talked about being 19 and not in college or living on my own and how I should really try so much harder. I snapped at that moment and I told her we can't all have rich parents who can afford to pay our ways through college, for our weddings and for our houses. I told her my parents didn't have that kind of money and neither did I, so we were doing our best in this shitty fucking economy.

Liza told me I'm just lazy and making excuses and she stormed out. Nicky left a while after and he was pretty quiet. Liza used his phone to send me 30 texts three days later demanding I apologize and tearing me a new one for not doing it without being told and I know it was her because she texts in a very specific way.

AITA?

UPDATED AITA? I birthed my son. The father was absent the whole pregnancy but I still gave the father the opportunity to be there for his birth as it was his first child. Father drops a bomb on me and says he has been married this whole time since we both met. We end up coparenting our son. Eight months pass by coparenting and a random number sends me photos of Fathers wife naked with my son as a newborn. I end up taking my son away from father and father is now only able to visit our son at my place of living. AITA for taking son away from father and his side of the family? But then again they are always welcome to visit son at my residence.

Details about the photos: Step mom was fully naked in bathtub no clothes bare naked she had my son around her private area and his face on her breast. They were not taking a bath no water in tub either

Father married his wife for legal status in America.

Taking legal action and getting a custody order and support.

AITA?

I'm a 19-year-old college student with a younger sister, Emma, who's 18. We grew up in a middle-class family, and our parents always emphasized the importance of education. Since I was a kid, they had been saving up for my college fund. It's not a fortune, but it's enough to get me through college without taking on significant debt.

Emma recently got engaged to her high school sweetheart, Jake. They're both very young, and while I support her decision to marry him, I was surprised when she came to me with a request: she wanted to use my college fund to pay for her dream wedding. She argued that weddings are once-in-a-lifetime events and that she and Jake couldn't afford the kind of wedding they wanted without my help.

I was taken aback. I had always been clear that I intended to use that money for my education, and our parents had saved it specifically for that purpose. I told Emma I couldn't give her the money, explaining that college was important to me and that I needed the funds to secure my future. She was furious and called me selfish, saying that I was ruining her special day and that I should prioritize family over personal ambitions.

The situation escalated quickly. My parents, who were initially on my side, started feeling guilty and pressured by Emma's constant complaints and emotional outbursts. They suggested that I could take out a student loan to cover my college expenses and let Emma have the money for her wedding. They said I would eventually pay off the loans, but Emma’s wedding was a one-time event.

I stood my ground, but now the entire family is divided. Some relatives think I’m being unreasonable and should help my sister out, while others agree that the college fund should be used for its intended purpose. Emma hasn’t spoken to me in weeks, and the tension is unbearable. My parents are caught in the middle, and the whole situation has caused a rift in our once close-knit family.

So, AITA for not letting my sister use my college fund for her wedding?

English is not my first language, so I apologize for any minor errors you may find.

I (32M) am married to my wife (30F) and we have a beautiful three year-old little girl together.

Now if I'm being honest, our daughter is definitely growing up to be a typical daddy's girl.

Her first word was Dada, her first steps were spent walking over to me, whenever she wants a hug she reaches out to me, and whenever we feed her my wife struggles to get her to open her mouth to actually eat while she'll eat anything I try to give her without hesitation.

Yesterday after we put out daughter to bed my wife asked to speak with me about something important.

She pulled me aside and said she was worried about our daughter's behavior, she said she was worried about her growing up not loving her mother as much as her father.

I was sympathetic towards her because I definitely thought the same thing for a little while.

I told her she should sign up for a mommy and me class because it would be a great opportunity for them to bond, but she said she's to busy to do something like that.

So I asked what she wanted to do and her answer shocked me.

She said she'd like me to leave the house for a week to stay with my sister without telling my daughter first, she said that would practically force her and our daughter to bond.

I said absolutely not. To me that sounded like the worst plan in the history of mankind.

She tried to convince me, saying it was the best option.

I called her selfish and told her she was out of her mind to expect me to abandon our daughter when she's so young for any amount of time.

She said that I was actually the selfish one for hogging my daughter's attention and called me an asshole.

She then stormed into the guest bedroom and slept there for the night.

And today she's done nothing but ignore me, and whenever she sees me do anything with our daughter she glares at me.

I'm pretty confident I'm in the right, but I've still gotta ask.

AITA?

I don't intend for the title to be so harsh sounding, but I don't know how else to put it. I'll also sound blunt, but I'm just posting the facts as presented.

I'm marrying my partner (A), who is from another country. Her sister (B) is dying of cancer, it is heart breaking, she is a young mother and wife.

Her diagnosis was about four years ago. When she was first diagnosed she was given 1-2 years. Since we were in a different country, as she (B) remained in her home country with her family after her sister (A) immigrated, we saved up some money and traveled to say goodbye to her. It was about the 1.5 year mark when we went to say goodbye, and we had gotten engaged soon beforehand. So we also went over to visit some of the family and ask them how long they needed to save to come across for our wedding, as our dollar is much stronger than theirs. They said 2 years, so that was agreed.

We spent a month with her, laughing, lamenting, spending as much quality time as possible with her. By the end of the trip though, and with the chemo, she was exhausted. We said our heart breaking goodbyes assuming to never see her again.

And then she made a miraculous recovery, with a less than 1% chance of happening, which was awesome. We, along with her other family members who had also immigrated (such as her father and brother) decided to put money together and support her to move over here to spend the rest of her life with us. That was about a year ago.

Now my partner and I are getting married in 2 weeks. All of her family are coming to visit, its a big joyous occasion with lots of travel, we've forked out thousands to help her family get here, and they're all staying for a month or so to celebrate our wedding and spend time with us.

Two weeks ago B got a bad diagnosis, they found lumps, and they said she has about a year left to live. She (for obvious reasons) didn't handle this well, and lashed out at us and our wedding telling us not to talk about it around her.

My partner has always kind of lived in her older sisters shadow, so she was really excited to be celebrated and made a fuss of for once. But B has told everyone about her diagnosis, and has started saying "This is the last time I will see most of you". Now the focus is completely off my partner and our wedding, and is absolutely about B.

I feel heartless and heart broken, but I'm frustrated by this. She has been going out of her way to make sure the people who are coming across (who we have paid thousands for flights, not that it matters that much) are spending as much time with her as possible as this is "the last time she will see them".

Now this period of joy and celebration has an undeniable black cloud hung over it, and people very obviously have stopped making my partner feel special. On top of this, B has maintained her stance that we not talk about our wedding around her.

But the big issue is that B got married during COVID, so never got a father/daughter dance. She wants to have one at our wedding, after my partner has a father/daughter dance, with her own song which - to be honest - sad as f*ck. I have said no, because my partner wanted to say no but felt too guilty so I had to be the bad guy. I also told my partner that if we're not to talk about our wedding around her sister, then I don't want her sister talking about her dying around us. Now I'm being called an asshole. I do absolutely feel like one, but I also feel like this is grossly unfair to ask us to brush our wedding under the carpet because of this. AITA?

Edit: sorry I just woke up and will work through the many comments as fast as I can. I really appreciate all the views and discussions, its precisely why I came here. Genuinely, thank you

I used to work at a vet clinic. The amount of animals I saw that were pretty much suffering 100% of the time, but the owner was “too attached” to put it down was crazy.

I get being attached to a pet. I love my dog more than the world. However, if she was suffering I’d put her down for her own sake.

Animals can’t talk and they don’t think like us. A suffering pet is a scared pet. They know they are soon to die, but keeping them alive artificially with meds and unnecessary surgery’s is just selfish.

I don’t mean to sound like a jerk..put your animal down and cherish their memory. If you can’t live without a pet get another.

Edit: this post is explicitly about pets. Please stop saying “why don’t we put humans down too?” That’s a completely different post.

My girlfriend (26F) and I (26M) were in a relationship for 8 years and I was planning on proposing to her next month. We were very serious about building a life together. However, I found out from one of her close friends (25F) that she had cheated on me a couple of years ago at a one night stand. Her friend wanted to remain anonymous. At the point, I still trusted my girlfriend so I wanted to first ask her about it

When I asked my girlfriend about it, she broke down in tears and confessed that she did. Obviously our relationship was done, but at that moment, it felt like my whole life was shattered. I was wearing a watch which my girlfriend had gifted me my last birthday. That watch was given to her by her sister who had passed away a couple of years ago. That watch meant a lot to her but she still gifted it to me on my birthday last year, and it was the most heartfelt gift I have ever received.

However, when my girlfriend confessed she had cheated on me, I took the watch off of me, and I threw it on the floor and it broke. I then stepped on it and stamped it a lot. I later cleaned it and then put the pieces in my trash. My girlfriend was obviously shocked, and I gave her a month to pack up her stuff leave. 

Looking back, I somewhat regret doing it and I acted out of frustration. 

Was I the AH?

I’m getting married in Sept and all of my bridesmaids and I went dress shopping a couple months ago. For some context we’re all in our mid 20s, employed, with no children, my wedding is out of town for my MOH and a couple other bridesmaids, but I’m getting a hotel room for all out of town bridesmaids for the wedding. I’ve known my MOH since 5th grade and we were best friends all through school. I moved away for college and we drifted apart, but I’d see her every time I came home.

The dress shopping trip was out of town so I paid for the 2 hotel rooms while we were there and I drove, my mom brought my MOH and a couple other bridesmaids a since they still live in my hometown. For the dresses my only requirement for them were that they had to be a specific blue color and no satin material. We spent the whole afternoon trying on dresses and everyone found one they liked, including my MOH. I’ve been told she picked out a $350 dress when most of my other bridesmaids had dresses in the $100-$150 range.

The next day was spent relaxing at the pool where my MOH began complaining to one of my other bridesmaids about having to pay for her dress. Saying it was my wedding, and if I wanted a specific dress for them to wear I should pay for it, and that I didn’t pay for the bridesmaid dress when I was in her wedding (she got married at 18 and we wore old prom dresses we already had). My bridesmaid told her I was being pretty reasonable with my request and that she can get any dress she wanted in her budget. MOH disagreed and the bridesmaid shrugged her off, but told me about it later.

A month later my MOH called me and asked for me to buy her dress for her. I told her it wouldn’t be fair if I bought her dress and no one else’s and I couldn’t afford to buy everyone’s dress. She said she is the MOH and that everyone would understand it was a privilege she got. I disagreed and our argument got a little heated. It ended with me saying if she could not get the dress, she couldn’t be in the wedding and I wasn’t budging on this. She hung up on me.

Her mom has since called me saying I’m being very rude for not doing this one thing for her so she can be there on my big day and that I don’t understand what it’s like to not have money for things. I told her I have struggled before too and understand, but said I’m not paying for the dress because it won’t be fair to all of the other bridesmaids.

I’ve since made one of my other bridesmaids that has helped with all of the planning my MOH and I’ve told my ex-MOH she is still invited and sent her an invitation, but some family is telling me I should have just paid for the dress.

I know ex-MOH is tight on money, but she’s known she was going to be in my wedding for nearly two years at this point so I thought she would set aside money for it. AITA for not paying for her dress?

My friend (19M) has always had a problem with his hygiene. Let’s call him Jack. Jack would tell me how long he hasn’t showered for as if it was a good thing, and brag about how he “doesn’t smell at all after this long.”I (20M) have spoken to him about it but he always tells me it’s good for his skin if he doesn’t shower for a week or two. Recently, he’s been starting to smell worse than he did before. Every time I tried to address this to him he tells me that he’s trying to get to one month without showering and that I need to get my “nose checked” because he smells fine.

A few days ago it was one of my friends birthday, and since we’re in the same friend group they invited me and Jack to their house, and the other members of our friend group. It was pretty fun, chatting, hanging out and watching movies but Jack smelled SO bad. And i could tell that my friends noticed because they kept mentioning a “musty” smell in the house but didn’t know what it was. Near the end of our little hangout my friends were clearly getting horribly affected by the smell of Jack. One of my friends said “I think it’s one of us” as a joke.

Here’s where I fucked up. I laughed at his joke and said “I know exactly who it is. Jack’s trying to reach his one month goal of not showering again. Not even joking.” At that point my friends realized the source of the smell was coming from Jack. My friend group is pretty ruthless so they started making all types of jokes about him while laughing like maniacs at each one. And I’m not gonna lie, I was laughing like one too. Jack obviously wasn’t pleased and just left. The next day Jack had blocked me on everything. I mean i do feel a little bad but at least this might’ve been a wake up call for him to shower. Am I the asshole?

I had some take off junk wheels while I was working on my truck, they're in bad shape so you can't drive on them but good enough to hold a truck up on its own 4s. When I was done I set them aside in the yard with a chain through them and bolted to the fence post. A few weeks later while put of town my neighbor alerted me there was someone in my yard trying to take the wheels but didnt realize they were chained together so they left.

I figure they'll be back so I took some old steel rotors and bolted them to each wheel then cracked the beads on the tires and filled them with dirt to make them heavier. Then I put them on top of the fire ant hill which was painful for me too so I knew them coming at night they wouldn't notice the massive fire ant valley where the wheels were.

They went a few weekends unnoticed but this morning I noticed the stack of wheels wasn't a stack anymore and I could see shuffle marks and pissed off ants everywhere so they must've came in the early morning before dawn. Man I hope that shit hurt and they got a nice hernia or sprain.

Our daughter who was diagnosed aged 14 with cancer several years ago unfortunately relapsed last year and is now terminal. We don't know how long we have left but currently she is doing ok. During her first round of treatment I found out he was cheating on me. With escorts. This also, isn't the first time, it's happened on several other occasions too, always at vulnerable times such as giving birth or stressful family situations. I've smiled and waved due to the kids but this time l feel like I'm blackmailed into an incredibly tough situation. He's a great, hands on dad to the kids and is always there for them (when not with the escorts) but l've had enough, checked out ages ago but because my daughter is terminal I didn't want to rock any boats and disrupt her quality of life.

I just can't do it anymore. I'm prepared to make my daughter and other children upset, just so I can get some relief from the mental torture he’s caused.

He’s a great father (the usual), he’s a hands on dad to the kids and is always there for them (when not with the escorts) but l've had enough. I checked out ages ago, and I have nothing but hatred towards him but because my daughter is terminal I don’t want to make her last months more stressful than they need to be. I appreciate that this is his problem and not mine but in reality, it just doesn’t work like that.

I just can't do it anymore. I'm prepared to make my daughter upset so that I can get some mental relief but the guilt is eating me alive. I just don't know what to do anymore.

He is remorseful but he's always been remorseful and it's always very shallow. Just to add: the contempt I have for this man is off the charts but I have to keep my home situation calm. Nothing is more important to me than my dying daughter's well-being. He obviously didn't feel the same but she shouldn't suffer for that. I just can't bear to even look at him. Constructive advice please-this is a very difficult situation

Thank you xxx

I decided to make a new post so it won't be too long to read. The previous post link is here below:

So, I got off work, picked up my daughter, and showed my husband the post after she fell asleep. I told him that millions had seen it and made various points. I admitted that my ultimatum was an impulsive reaction and that I preferred having a calm discussion to work through this. He said he was surprised I shared family matters on Reddit and that he wouldn't have done it. He said he wasn't feeling depressed, just tired and exhausted after years of working, and he just wanted to be childish for a bit and really enjoyed the month off. I kind of understood because we used to travel a lot before our daughter was born, and life has been harder since then. I told him I wouldn't force him to work and that he could take his time as long as he could pick up our daughter and do the housework. He hesitated but told me not to worry.

I thought this was the end of it. Then, the next day, I came home from work to find his mother there. I was shocked because he hadn't told me anything. She started picking up our daughter and doing the housework. This is driving me crazy because I have never gotten along with her well, and my husband knows this. I feel like he asked her to come so he could continue being childish, disregarding how I feel.

His mother raised him as a single mom, and according to my husband, she was very protective and planned to live with him for his whole life. He felt suffocated, so he went to a university far from home and reduced contact with her. I remember one time she came and got sick, vomited, and I cleaned up her mess. Suddenly, she asked her son to come and told him that her underwear was dirty and needed to be washed by hand that very night, even though we had a washing machine.

My husband and I had agreed that our marriage was ours and that she wouldn't come and live with us. He broke his promise.

I'm considering divorce, but I'm worried our daughter is too young to understand it. I've thought about holding on for a while, but these days of living with her are already driving me crazy, and I don't see a quick end. I've thought about being an AH and forcing her to leave, but that might lead to divorce.

I really need some advice. Thank you all.

TL;DR:I (36F) showed my husband (37M) the last post, and we had a talk. Then, without asking me, he invited my mother-in-law to come, even though he knows I’ve never gotten along well with her.

DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS. I am NOT OP. Original post by in

trigger warnings: crazy neighbors

mood spoilers: wow.

- Sept 5th, 2015

So this is a probably a really weird question for me to ask but it's a weird situation and I'm not really sure what I can do. My house is on a corner lot. Two years ago a newlywed couple moved in to the one house that’s beside mine. Right away they started making weird comments about the color my house was painted (yellow) and soon switched to outright demanding that I paint it a different color. My house was painted yellow when it was built it, I like the color and there is no bylaw against it or anything. They have called the police on me about it as well as the city, both of whom told them to pound sound because I hadn’t done anything wrong and there was nothing they could do. They also tried suing me in court (the suit was thrown out and they had to pay my legal fees) and getting our other neighbors together to form a Home Owner’s Association in the hopes eventually I could be forced to paint my house a different color. Our other neighbors also told them to pound sand and they have basically alienated themselves from everyone else in the neighborhood at this point.

I recently had to go out of town for something. I was gone for two weeks. When I got back two days ago my house was gray. Seriously. I actually almost drove past it because I’m so used to my yellow house. I knew immediately who was responsible but when I went over and knocked on their door no one answered. I think the couple figured out that I was away and not just at work when they saw our neighbors collecting my mail for me, because I sure as hell never told them I was going away and I know my other neighbors hate them too and didn’t tell them. The neighbor from across the street came over and showed me pictures that he took of the painting company setting up and doing the work. He said he and another neighbor called the police but the painting company had a valid work order and had been paid so the police couldn’t do anything. He also told about it but because they were paid to do the work they said they had to do it to avoid being sued. I called the painting company to get a copy of the work order and it was in the name of a “Ms. Jane Smith” and was paid for in cash. A redheaded woman and her redheaded husband came to the company to hire them (my neighbors are both redheads) saying they would be out of town and would like their house painted while they were gone. They gave the painting company pictures of my house, taken from the street.

I have a surveillance camera at my front and side doors and in my backyard because I work shifts and as a woman living alone I don’t want some stranger breaking into my house and waiting to ambush me when I get home. My neighbors never set foot on my property at any time so they can’t be charged with trespassing and they didn't do the painting (which was actually done properly). When I called the police they re-iterated that since the painters were hired, had a valid work order and were paid to do the job, they can’t be charged with trespassing because it was reasonable for them not to know and they were acting in good faith and didn’t cause any physical damage to the house. Also the neighbors can't be charged with trespassing or vandalism because they didn't come on my property or touch the house themselves. I don’t know if I can sue anyone because there was no actual damage or harm done to me or the house. My neighbors still have not answered their door or shown themselves. I am pissed off beyond belief because I liked my yellow house and I can’t believe how fucking crazy that they have been. I wish I could show a court or city council how psycho they have been over this. I want to know if I have any recourse or if I can do something to get them to pay to paint the house back to yellow. Does anyone know what I can do to get them to fix this and paint it back?

Edit: I live in the state of Louisiana

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Top comment (deleted)

Call your home owners Insurance, file a vandalism claim. Insurance company pays you, paint your home back Yellow. Give Insurance company all information let them sue them. This is why you have insurance.

Kelv37:

They defaced your property. That is vandalism. Depending on how much it costs to fix, it may be a felony. You also have damages. The cost of painting your house back to the color you like. The principle applies to someone who paints a beautiful mural on a drab grey wall. That is still vandalism even though in many respects it is an improvement.

On how much a new paint job would cost:

OOP: They [the neighbors] paid $4000 in cash according to the painting company.

- September 6th, 2015 (next day)

I was going to wait until the after the weekend to talk to the lawyer I used for their last lawsuit against me, but there have been further developments so I had to call him this morning. Beyond the fact that they have filed another lawsuit against me for the cost of the painters (yes, seriously) I can't say anything further about what has all happened, on the advice of my lawyer. I will provide an update once everything is resolved.

Edit: Thank-you to everyone who responded to my last post. You really know how to make a girl feel special :p

RELEVANT COMMENTS

LupineChemist

Well, I suppose that makes proving culpability pretty easy. The painters are no longer needed to pin the neighbors.

AnUnchartedIsland

Seriously, didn't they just completely incriminate themselves? If so, that's actually awesome news for OP.

Hyndis

They did.

And whats even better is that they are too stupid to realize they've incriminated themselves.

Editor’s Note: Sadly marking this as inconclusive as OOP hasn’t posted in over eight years. We'll have to assume OOP's house color is back to cheery yellow with a sprinkling of tasteful rainbow polka dots, reluctantly financed by their neighbors.

Thank you for reading my first BoRU submission and apologies for any formatting mistakes!

Reminder - I am not the original poster. DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS.

My boyfriend has a sister, Shanna, who can't handle any bad news or people saying no because she has a learning disability, so Shanna gets everything she wants.

I have two other friends who birthday is close to mine and we are doing a yacht with a dj. we all work in hospitality so we was able to snag a good deal for a weekday party.

I told his mother of the birthday plans after she asked and told me Shanna would have so much fun. She went off to tell Shanna. Shanna was not invited. I don't want to have to worry about her at my party. I don’t want to babysit, I don’t want my boyfriend to babysit. I want to have fun. I told my boyfriend to set this straight now. He said he would sort this out later, but I have played this game before with him, and Shanna ended up coming anyway because of his mom and her guilt him.

I got mad and said told him loud enough for both his mom and Shanna to hear, saying Shanna isn't coming, and neither can you if you can't grow some balls. Shanna started crying and his mom yelled at me for upsetting her daughter.

I told them "fuck this and this isn't going to be my life" and walked out his mom house and ordered a UBER home. Last I heared I upset Shanna so much she had to go the hospital with a panic attack and obviously we are no longer together. My mom said I should have been nicer to his sister since she has a disability but I feel like he should have stepped up right then.

This update is long so here's my original if you want to read or skip it:

I read your comments and talked to my brothers and decided to bring equality into our marriage. I sat down and went through all of our bills and receipts. I was paying 3/4 of our mortgage, 3/4 of the property tax, all of the house’s maintenance cost, almost all of the groceries, almost all of anything we bought for the house, all of the utilities including our cell phones, almost all of our activities outside of the house including dinners and dates, and insurance for our cars. I paid for all of those things without a second thought before because we were partners and I make so much more than she does.

I sat her down last week and showed her the total of our spending then told her that since her financial situation has drastically changed, she is now responsible for half of it all. That started arguments like we’ve never had before.

I argued that she can now afford to be financially responsible for half of our lives so she should be. She responded by reminding me that her inheritance is legally hers alone and not ours so I can figure that into our cost while our salaries are legally ours which is why we used them to pay for our living expenses. I argued that while she is legally correct, she’s morally wrong and this is how we’re moving ahead, as equals.

We haven’t spoken to each other since then except for a few texts. We go to bed in silence and leave for work without waking each other up. She’s not the woman I thought I married and it’s gotten to the point that I question our future together.

I went to see an attorney and found out our state set limits on alimony based on the length of the marriage, if the other spouse is employed, and the separate financial state of the parties. My attorney said since we’ve been married for only 4 years, she works full time, and her recent inheritance, there’s an excellent chance I’ll have to pay very little in alimony for about 3 years and a good chance I won’t have to pay anything all at. The messy part is that we’ll have to divide all of the marital assets.

I haven’t called my attorney back and will spend the weekend pondering my future.

I got a lot of eye-opening insight and advice from my post, so I feel it's worth giving everyone an update, especially considering developments. 

First, to address a few questions that seemed to keep coming up before I lost the ability to read each and every reply (although I'm still trying) 

My son (24m) is my child from a previous relationship before I met / married my late wife. He has his own provisions in my will, but he's quite aware that the house goes to his sister. 

My own sister is to become guardian of my daughter if anything should happen to me. I love my sister as dearly as I love anyone, and she and her niece love each other and get along great. I trust her completely if, God forbid, anything should happen.

Yes. The basement is an unusual place for a nursery, but I was just trying to make people fit where they could go. The move was supposed to be happening within a month, and Alice's older kids needed rooms now. Meanwhile the baby isn't going to be born for about 5 months, so she could go into the room that isn't made yet. I honestly figured we could keep a crib in our room for a bit, and after that it's no big deal for a kid to have her room in a finished basement. Also honestly, I didn't want to move my office. It's been where it is forever and I didn't want to move it. I can admit that. We've had the beginnings/groundwork of a finished basement since forever, but there was never any reason to really put a move on it. It was a big change to go from having more room than we need with just me and Stacy rattling around in the house to suddenly scrambling for space and to not having enough. It was the obvious spot where an additional bedroom could go, but not a spot where a bedroom is now.

Alice and I had talked about marriage and children more or less in the abstract on many occasions, and we both wanted to get married, at some point, if things continued to work out, and I wanted to have more children, although this pregnancy was quite unexpected.

It was Alice's pregnancy combined with the rent hike on her place that accelerated the timetable on things. For what it's worth, the rent hike is real. I've seen the paperwork. And I have literally no reason to suspect the baby is not mine. 

But yes, the only reason why we got engaged so recently is because Alice got pregnant. The only reason why Alice and her kids would be moving in with me so suddenly is because she was likely to need to move somewhere, and I'd obviously like to be responsible for / be near / raise my coming daughter. To me, it made sense for my daughter to live with me. I never wanted to be an absentee/part-Time parent or to not have time or share space with my child. 

The circumstances all made sense, at least until now. 

I was definitely wary of Alice and paying more attention to her, especially after the many many comments that I read. I came to Reddit to get a sanity check on whether or not I was being an asshole about my conditions with Stacy, not to try to actually make any kind of major life or relationship changes. But I didn't want to turn a blind eye either. 

It was Friday, and Stacy texted me, asking for her allowance. I was with Alice at the time, and I went ahead and let the subject come up. 

I give Stacy $100 a week. Alice thinks that this is “crazy” and “excessive”. She thinks it's improper, and she's brought it up as an example of how she thinks I'm raising Stacy like a “spoiled princess”. She said as much again when I told her I was sending Stacy her allowance, but this time Alice also asked if her kids would get the same allowance after we get married. I told her that someday our new daughter would probably get an allowance just like Stacy does, but that there was no way I had any plans of shelling out an extra $400 a week for her other kids. 

Alice got upset. She said that Stacy waste my money on shoes and makeup (she has previously criticized Stacy for wearing fancy sneakers, high heels, and makeup), and she said that I was showing favoritism and that that is a form of abuse. She complained about me letting Stacy buy things with my credit card and store my credit card on her phone when I don't even let Alice do that. She said that whatever money was going to go to the kids should be split evenly amongst them.

When I shrugged and told her that that wasn't going to happen and that I wasn't going to cut Stacy's allowance, she snapped at me and said that a man living alone with his daughter and doting on her like I do is “creepy and incestuous,” and she said “You've just replaced your dead wife with your daughter, and you need to stop.”

That was it. Sure. I've ignored a lot of red flags up till now, but that was it. 

She started trying to tell me about how it's unhealthy for me to be so close with Stacy and how she didn't want her kids to be neglected, and how she wanted to be treated as an equal if we were getting married, but I interrupted her and I told her that I don't think we should be getting married. 

I told her that I don't want her moving in and that we were going to need to work something else out.

To be perfectly honest, my sister, my brother, and some of my friends have expressed some of the same misgivings about Alice that I've read, although they were generally a lot more gentle about it. I was in love with her. In fact I'm still in love with her, and I wasn't seeing things clearly. 

I told her that I would always and definitely make sure that our child had a roof over her head, but that she was going to have to work something out for herself and her kids on her own. 

Obviously, we had a huge fight. She screamed at me. She called me a heartless bastard. She blamed Stacy for trying to sabotage our relationship. She guilt tripped me about her cost of living and how I'm in an empty house all by myself. She also guilt tripped me about the stress on the baby, and I actually do feel bad and worry about that. 

She eventually broke down crying and told me to leave. 

In the past 10 years, this was the first relationship with a woman I've had that became “serious”. I love her, and this hurts. It hurts a hell of a lot. 

I told Stacy that she didn't have to bother moving her stuff out of the other room, that Alice wasn't coming, and we hugged. She asked if this was her fault, and I told her no. I told her I honestly feel like marrying Alice would have been a mistake even if the two of them could have been best buddies. 

I always wanted to have a few more kids, and I've missed having a wife, but things don't always happen the way we want.

So I'm pretty sure my relationship with Alice is effectively over, even if we're going to be raising a child together for the foreseeable future.

My new daughter can have my son's old room whenever we work out whatever custody agreement we end up working out. I'm not sorry to be having another kid, even if I really wish the circumstances could be better.

The red flags were always there. I guess it's better that I noticed them now instead of even later.

Title is pretty self explanatory. My bf and I took a trip where he took lots of photos of me on his phone. Today I grabbed his phone to send them to myself and I noticed the most recent pics were screenshots of someone he knows close friends story in a bikini. I asked him who she was he said no one and then gave me silent treatment. I asked him to leave my apartment. Am I over reacting or is this disrespectful? We’ve have this issue before and he knows how I feel regarding it

I (23F) have a sister (28) who has two kids and is going through a divorce. Before my sister had kids she was the funnest and smartest person around. She had hobbies, took classes every week to learn new skills, and had a close friend group shes maintained until recently that shes had since middle school. I looked up and admired her so much. But she hasnt been that way in years. Ever since shes had kids she become a personality-less blob. She got married at 21 and they had their kids at 24 and 25. Marriage isnt what had changed her, before the kids she was still her fun and eccentric self.

After she had her first child she stayed at home for six months and then returned to her job as an art teacher at a country club where she made amazing money and could choose her own hours. She quit after a class saying she couldnt bare to be away from her baby. Whenever my other sisters and parents would offer to watch the baby so my sister and her husband could go on date nights, she refuses saying no one can take care of the baby like her. She then got pregnant again (on purpose she wanted them a year apart). Im not joking when I say she hasnt left the house to do anything without her babies. She cancelled on every plan her friends (who by the way, half are moms) made for the past two and and a half years and then got shocked they no longer talk to her. She gets upset her husband still has friends and hobbies outside of being a dad yet when shes offered the same leisure she declines.

She let herself go physically, she will brag about not showering for days but her “kids will aways look good”. Only posts and reposts stuff about being a mom. She brags about not having a life outside of being a mom. She brags about never missing an hour with her kids. She looks down on women who are moms that go out and have fun. Shes missed all of our family birthdays, and events if she cant bring her kids with her. It sucks to see my sister become this. I never saw HER of all people letting being a mom become their whole identity and personality. I get it, its a major life change and she wont be the same person she was before kids. But having no hobbies, no friends, and ignoring your husband just because youre a mom isnt normal. We’ve spoken to her so often about this, she just says that this is her new self and if we dont like it, to get over it.

Her husband filed for divorce a month ago and I think that was my sisters reality check. When she called us in a FT groupchat crying, we all just looked at each other and made a face like “be so for real”, our parents included. She told us that he wants a divorce because he wants his old wife back and that shes changed for the worst instead of the better. And that he should be grateful she dedicates her whole life to her kids since other moms would pester the dads to be more involved. Our dad spoke up and asked her whens the last time they went on a date or put their marriage first. She said that theyre parents now so their kids come first and that is no longer important. We all disagreed and said that just because shes a mom doesnt mean her other relationship dynamics dont matter. My mom offered to watch the kids for the weekend so maybe they could have a moment alone and she got VERY upset saying that she would never leave her kids with someone else just so she can have fun and hung up.

A few days ago my sister asked me to come over and bring her groceries since her car tire was flat. I came inside and we talked about life as her kids napped. She kept talking about the kids, what they did today and yesterday and blah blah. I asked her about the divorce and how she feels and she said that he wants 50/50 custody and no way thats happening since shes never spent a second away from her kids and that she wants our parents to pay for the best divorce lawyer to ensure she gets full custody. I said ”You mean the parents youve never allowed to babysit your kids?” She got upset and said that doesnt matter. I told her it does, shes refused to allow herself to have a village that so many moms would want and looks at other women that will let someone babysit their kids as a “bad mom”. She said its called being a good mom and I said no, making your entire personality being a mom doesnt make you a good mom and that she wouldnt be having a divorce if she was a better wife, she wouldnt be friendless if she was a better friend, and her family wouldnt be distant if she was a better sister/daughter. She started crying and I felt bad and left. All my siblings and parents are on my side saying its the truth she needed to hear. She hasnt talked to me since. AITA?

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is . They posted in and their own page.

Thanks to for the rec!

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. The latest post is 7 days old.

Trigger Warning: emotional affair

Mood Spoiler: sad but OOP will be ok

Original : May 8, 2024

Title: I got a text from my sister’s bestie about her and my husband “loving me too much” to do anything to hurt me.

My sister’s bestie told me that she feels guilty for being a snitch but that she couldn’t do this to me anymore because she thinks that I am a kind person and don’t deserve this.

My sister and my husband have always got along very well. They’re both brilliant. Both lecturers at the University and they have so much in common. I am not stupid but I never loved school and I have high school education. They have become best friends throughout the years (14 years) but never once did I feel uncomfortable about it since my husband has shown me nothing but love and respect. The opposite. Until now I counted myself lucky that the two people that I love the most in this world get along so well.

But now, I feel nauseated. The bestie sent me screenshots upon screenshots of her conversation with my sister. My sister has feelings for my husband and she appears to know that my husband feels the same way about her too. In one of the texts, my sister wrote that she loved me too much to do anything to hurt me. In another she wrote that I am too dear to both her and my husband to do anything that would hurt me.

She seems to think that they’re soulmates which is odd because the talk about soulmates came up once between my husband and I when I told him that I didn’t want us to be soulmates. He was curious and ask me why, I told him because soulmates meant that we are “programmed” or “destined” to fit together. There’s no free will involved and I want my love to come from a free space not a predestined place. He laughed and said he loved that. But apparently they’re soulmates?

I know that I need to talk to him but I am dreading that. I am in so much despair right now.💔

Relevant Comment:

Commenter: If what the friend sent you is true, you need to take a moment and gather your thoughts before this talk you need to have with your husband, if possible check his phone so you have first hand look at the comunnication not the friends one. If real the emotional affair is more than enough of a betrayal.

OOP: For me even an emotional affair is a deal breaker, unfortunately.

Edit (Same post, Same day)

Hi! Thanks for your help. I asked how I would be sure before asking my husband so he doesn’t just blatantly lie and you suggested to look into his phone. Thanks for your suggestion.

I did now. I told him about my sister’s conversations with her best friend and showed him the screenshots. He was shocked at first and said he had no romantic feelings for her and he had no idea about her feelings, so I asked to see his phone.

I read their texts and emails. And I was shocked that their contact is way more intensive and intense than I thought. They talk on a daily basis. They have lunch multiple times a week. Nothing sexual in the texts but yeah, he is stupid if he “doesn’t know” that she loves him, and he must think that I am stupid if after reading, I wouldn’t get the feeling that he has some feelings too.

In one of her texts, she wrote that she wished they had met first and under different circumstances. His answer wasn’t totally dismissive. He wrote yeah, it would probably have been different. When I asked him about it, he said well yeah, if he didn’t know and love me he would probably have been interested in another, my sister included. But he loves me and she is a close friend of his.

So there’s no sexual relationship between them, but I am not sure that is enough for me. I think they are both wrong and should have nipped it in the bud way earlier. I don’t know what to do now. I think I need time for myself to process this. I don’t feel well at all about this and I don’t want to make decisions from a place of fear and hurt nor convenience.

I am sorry I can’t answer all private messages. Because I don’t use my phone that often. But our ages are: my husband is 45. I am 42. My sister is 38. My husband and I have been together for 16 years and married for 14. My sister is single. I am not a stay at home mom. I have my own business. We don’t have children. My sister has 2 from a previous relationship.

Update (Same Post): May 9, 2024 (Next Day)

So now I have had some long talks and discussions with my husband. He seems to think that this is getting bigger than it is supposed to because I told him that I needed time alone to think and digest this. He said that he doesn’t understand why I am this hurt since he loves me and nobody else. I didn’t relent however and he admitted that he knows that my sister is in love with him because she has told him so. But she knows that nothing can happen between them so she is fine with just friendship(martyr). He loves her but not romantically and he is happy to have a friend like her. Their friendship is important to him and he doesn’t want it to end because I don’t trust him and his love for me.

He made a comparison to my best friend and asked what I would think if he asked me to cut my best friend from my life. He admitted that “intellectually” he has more in common with her than with me but that the heart doesn’t always choose who we are more “compatible” and that he loves and is physically attracted to me. I think this whole situation is messed up. I am repulsed by them both. I texted my sister all her screenshots and she wrote that she was disappointed in her bestie and that “your husband is all yours because I would never let anything happen that would hurt you because you are the most important person to me”

In other words they are both contradicting each other since both seem to believe that they are the one who is not letting a “relationship” between them grow for my sake.

Relevant Comments:

On them meeting for lunch:

About the lunches, he says that it is because they both work at the university and they eat lunch when both are in office. But tgat isn’t true because they don’t work in the same building.

Commenter: How did he act? Was he truly shocked? Why did he hide how intense their communication was?

OOP: He was probably more shocked that my sister is talking to her friend about this. Otherwise he knows everything and probably likes it or he would have stopped it.

Commenter: Other women’s husbands are not your soulmates.

As an academic, i know academics are often very emotionally dysregulated individuals inclined to asbtract and even magical thinking. Are you sure she isn’t delusional? They both sound like idiots.

OOP: They are idiots yes. If I was her, and I had developed feelings to my sister’s husband I would have nibbed it immediately. She is not a heroine for “not wanting to hurt me and sacrificing her happiness instead.

If I was him, I would have immediately gone no contact with someone who has feelings for me (if we are to believe that he doesn’t reciprocate her feelings like he is pretending) if I had any respect for my spouse.

So they are both idiots yes

Update : June 15, 2024 (1 month and 1 week later)

I have written here and a few comments about my soon to be ex husband and my sister. I left him about a week after and he texted me day and night about how much he loved me and wanted me back then he just stopped. That’s when I found out that my sister left her children at my parents’ house and moved in with my husband. This made everything come out to the rest of my family and my parents were shocked and my mother really looked like she was already showing ptsd symptoms. About how disgusting she felt this whole thing was. She kept calling it incest and asking is that even legal.

I guess that is how much my sister “cared” not to hurt me(if you read my first post). Even though I have been well composed and calm that I surprised myself, I still tried my hardest to look back on my whole life, childhood and upbringing to understand when it all went so wrong. What my sister did felt like something that was the result of years of resentment or at least indifference towards me and our relationship as sisters, so how did I miss that? She never cared about me did she? If she didn’t how could I have been so blind?

Then not even a week later, I heard that they have ended things. I found out in the oddest way possible. My sister texted me. The first time she texted me since everything started. She just wrote “You b , I hope you burn in life and in hell”. I was very confused because she spent that week sharing cheesy “deep” quotes about love and soul mates and romantic insta stories with my stbxh. But apparently that was over. Stbxh has blocked her everywhere and she moved out. Because she came to my parents to get her children and had a meltdown when they asked for explanation. Stbxh started calling and texting me again asking me to meet because he wanted to explain because he loved me and wanted me to understand. He wanted to meet at least once before we started to meet with the lawyers involved.

So that is that. This has left me even more confused than if they just ended up together. I understand falling out and in love. Breaking up and starting anew but I can’t explain this. My stbxh keeps calling me his only love and true friend and my sister, until I left kept promising that she would never do anything to hurt me. She left her children at my parents’ doorstep and didn’t answer their calls or texts for a week.

And all of this for a week? What were they thinking? Has anyone here heard of something like this happening? People throwing everything for not even a week?

True Off My Chest : June 15 (Same Day)

After one week of “being in love” and my sister leaving her children at my parents door to be living in my home with my soon to be ex husband and flaunting everything on social media and sharing cheesy quotes, she moved back to her apartment and got her children from my parents. They aren’t friends on fb and he unfollowed her on instagram. Now she is saying that I have ruined her happiness and he started texting me again begging me to talk in private because he needed to explain everything before we started getting our lawyers involved between us.

I understand that people fall out of love and sometimes they can’t control who they fall for and they can hurt many people around them but I never heard of two people throwing everything they pretended to care about for one week.

Relevant Comments:

Commenter: “Speak to my attorney.”

I’d have that as my outgoing voice message.

OOP: I haven’t answered any calls from him, his family or unknown numbers. I don’t answer any texts either.

Comment: Men come and go, but a sister doing this is a fucking abomination. 

I could not imagine betraying my sisters like this. 

She ruined her owned dammed life. What is she blaming you for? Being married to her affair partner? 

I'd let her bitch ass have him. 

OOP: She can most certainly have him.

Commenter: I’m curious to know what his family could even try and say. Like wut.

OOP: I dont have great relationship with his family, especially his mother. We lost our child and they blamed me for us not wanting more children afterwards, when it was both’s decision

Commenter: It’s even worse that they are harassing you on his behalf.

Also sorry for your loss (child and relationships)

OOP: I don’t know if they are harassing me on his behalf to be honest since I haven’t answered them. They could be as confused as I am and he could be ghosting them.

Not taking any chances anyway

Thank you❤️

Commenter: So they actually admitted to being together? Did they admit to the affair?

OOP: I don’t know tbh. I don’t think he knew that I knew they were together until he found out she was sharing it on instagram

Commenter: I remember your first post!

What threw me was him giving a whole spiel on how he loves you & doesn’t love your sister in that way & the first thing he does is move your sister into y’alls home.

He’s living in regret right now! These two are probably still in contact, I wouldn’t be surprised if they end back together, smh! Onward & upward

OOP: I don’t think they are still in contact no

Commenter: This is the thing with infatuation/crush. You build someone up in your mind, but the reality is so very different. It's funny that it only took 1 week for them to fall apart. Your sister dumping her kids speaks volumes about the type of person she is. I hope her life is hell, I hope karma fucks her to the maximum. Go see him, let him explain, get your closure, and for the love of all that is holy, cut your sister off.

OOP: As much I am confused and want answers, I don’t want to get them from him. I don’t know how the divorce will be done and if I am going to need to see him or not, hopefully not but if it happens, my lawyer cnndo the talking.

That’s why I am here instead, maybe people here have experience of something similar and can explain wtf happened these past two months

I am not OOP. OOP is and they posted in

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. See rule 7. This sub has a 7-day waiting period so the latest update is at least 7 days old.

Trigger Warning: Theft, possible infidelity

March 24, 2024 (Original post was deleted, but recovered)

I share an account with my husband (20 yrs married) and bills come out. We have specific rules about how much we can spend. Well, 2 weeks ago I saw that there was a 4200 transfer into the account from a bank or loan company. 4100 immediately was cash apped to an unknown woman.

1st he lied and said he applied for a furniture loan but didn’t go through. After I called the loan company and they confirmed it did go through, I asked him again. Then he said it was for a side hustle but he didn’t actually take it.

Neither sounds believable. I can’t get to the truth and I feel like I am an idiot. I also see other cash apps to this woman, not just the 4100. The more I write this… I realize it’s serious and already know I am the idiot. How do I make him tell me?

Relevant Comments:

:

Lying about money and where it’s going is definitely a one-way ticket to divorce-ville. Either he tells you the truth or you need to get out now.

:

You cannot make him tell you. You send the evidence to an attorney and you ask him of he wants to work on saving this (assuming that u want).

Then, you'll plan the rest of your one wild and beautiful life.

:

I’m author. U guys have all validated everything I been thinking. If u can’t tell I hate confrontation. He’s a cop and loves confrontation. I’ll try to get the courage to change banks today. Wish me luck.

:

You don’t have to confront him.

You already have him an opportunity to be honest and he lied to your face.

A confrontation is only going to make things worse. Start working on your exit plan quietly. Pretend like nothing is wrong. Get your ducks in a row, and then one day when he is at work, leave and have him served with the paperwork.

He doesn’t deserve to know your plans. Don’t give him any opportunities to stop you.

:

Don't confront 

I would go to the bank and ask for a "financial Snapshot". It's essentially a screenshot of the current balance of all of your accounts at this date and time

I would also see a lawyer in the next couple of days to ensure you take the correct steps in moving forward  

Don't let your husband know in the meantime as he'll hide more funds. 

Stay quiet 

:

The responses are pretty harsh, but real. from a woman’s perspective who has been married over 40 years, there is no salvaging this relationship. Your husband has gone too far. He wanted to be caught because he used the joint account and when caught he first lied and now refuses to explain. You have changed your direction deposit, good start. Now get a lawyer. You can move half of the bill money from your new account manually (take out cash) into the old joint account until the legalities are resolved. There is no saving this marriage; whatever he is into is too hurtful and shameful to him and you will not be able to forgive him for how he has gaslighted you. If it is sorted out during the divorce and you still want to try to reconcile afterwards, it will be a whole new relationship. The old one is dead; killed by his deception.

June 15, 2024

So I posted a few months ago (now deleted) that my spouse took out a loan of 4100 and immediately cash-apped it to a woman. I could see the transactions in our joint account easily. When I asked him about it he lied for weeks saying that he was buying an aquarium, then saying he put it into a side hustle but I disproved each of these explanations by investigating the weird stories and calling the furniture store and eventually he admitted he was giving a girl money.

After a deeper dive into our accounts, I found out he’s given this girl a total of 6400 over the course of 8 months now. I’m just so annoyed & angry since we've been married 22 yrs and it’s all ending over these lies… I actually know the girl. She was a coworker of my husband's 5 yrs ago. They both swear it’s platonic & she just needed the money. He literally said I didn’t tell you because I knew you would be mad. She’s even called me “to explain“ and texted me bible verses about forgiveness. Idc about anything they say. I make 2x what he makes so I will likely pay alimony--I may even have to move out of my own GD house. He was taking my own money to “help” her. Sooooo freakin unbelievable.

Update: adding some info… so husband had a vasectomy 16 yrs ago and rechecked 6 months later. I’ve seen medical recs. It’s probably not an affair baby. I thought I would add that the original way I met this other woman, we’ll call her Bee, was when my husband asked me to write her a character reference after she came to work under the influence. They wanted rehab instead of job loss. Yes, I did it. No, it didn’t work & she was still fired. She’s trouble. On the other hand, she has been paying the payments on the loan of 4100.

The reason I said I may have to move out is my lawyer floated the idea —instead of giving up half my retirement— I could sell the house and give him half the profit. I have a large retirement that’s worth way more than the house equity. Yes, I’m pretty serious about divorce because of all the lies & secrecy. I also have a very strong feeling that there is more that I don’t know.

Relevant Comments:

:

He literally said I didn’t tell you because I knew you would be mad.

And how did that work out for him?

You are not over reacting.

Find a good divorce lawyer.

:

Hire a good damn lawyer and hell no you are not overreacting.

Also they are both so damn full of shit. Ain't no guy in the world giving a girl that much without getting something for it.

:

Talk to a lawyer. Do not move out until you do so (unless you have any fear or even an inkling question about your safety and if that’s the case get somewhere safe immediately) as it may be considered abandoning the homestead, but there are steps you can take to protect your finances that should be done immediately.

1. If you have joint bank accounts, put 1/2 in an account he can’t access.

2. Freeze your credit at all three credit reporting agencies - Transunion, Experian, and Equifax. This is critical if he is borrowing money to give to his “platonic” AP. You can do this online and do it immediately.

3. Get your important documents secured in a safe or safe deposit box he can’t access.

4. Check all credit card balances for any suspicious activity- cancel any joint cards so he can’t put you on the hook for balances that he runs up.

5. Tell someone you trust what’s happening and let him know that you’ve done so - you’ve mentioned he’s a cop and his behavior you describe is dishonest and highly sus.

F forgiveness (fake Christians like AP sure are big on forgiveness bible verse when they want it - but will never give it). Fight him in court, but if you have to pay him alimony, it will be the best money you’ll ever spend even though it may be irksome (it was for me)

This just sucks and is really quite unbelievable. Sorry that your husband has brought you here. Good luck.

What was her explanation? Is she planning on paying it back?

:

Yes she is planning to pay it back. Explanation is that she had series of money issues including car trouble & medical bills. Even if they’re not lying about the “ friendship “— I am beyond pissed at being lied to by husband straight up lies about a side hustle & aquarium.

Why is she asking your husband for it if they worked together years ago? Were you aware they were still in contact? 

:

That’s def part of what makes me angry . They were in contact and he admits that whenever she calls he goes outside to smoke. That’s why I didn’t know they were in contact/ it’s also sketchy as hell.

She lives in a whole other state since 3yrs ago. But st this point I don’t trust anything they say.

:

Have you seen there messages at all? Are they flirty?

:

Husband always deletes texts. All texts . So I wasn’t able to see many texts but…husband wanted to visit her exact town a few months ago on a boys trip. ( w/ out me) I told him no because he was acting so wierd about it. “ I told him I think you’re lying about something. “ I didn’t know anything about the girl at the time… but I’m putting pieces together and my gut just knew.

Editor's Note: I am marking this as ongoing as OOP has said she wants a divorce, but hasn't left/kicked out/confronted her husband yet.

Reminder: I am not OOP. Do NOT comment on Original Posts. No Brigading! See rule 7.

I personally find jewelry and piercings unattractive and blatantly unnecessary for these following reasons:

• Probably a lot of germs

• Gets in the way

• Makes jingling sounds (annoying)

• Costs too much

• Probably fake material

• You don't really get much for it at a pawn shop anyway

• Companies take advantage of their customers

• Doesn't really do much to add to the attractiveness of an individual

• Can make people look overly glamorous (overdoing it)

• The looks and feeling of it gives unnatural

• When it jingles or clacks, it reminds me of elderly people, and my attraction to them dwindles and is put on life support

• Lots of people need to go to the ER if their ring gets stuck or if their earrings rip off

• Piercings become infected

• My friend had to go to the ER because her tongue piercing randomly opened a vein and she started spitting blood everywhere

Don't get me wrong, I like to be femme sometimes and I love women, but I really don't get the culture around this. Especially with men.

I would definitely tell my future wife or whatever not to get me an engagement ring if she decided to propose to me. I think they look ugly anyway, and they sound like too much of hassle (I really don't like wearing rings). If she wanted one, then I would get her one, don't get me wrong, but I really don't like it.

If my future wife were to propose to me, I'd tell her to get me an apple or something. Or maybe take me on a romantic trip somewhere or get me something I really like (vintage book, a poem, flowers, an article of clothing, rare black tea, etc.)

Or what about a scrapbook that we can put photographs in together? That would be super romantic.

I also hate how people look with long nails, but that's a post for a different day.