Q&As

My husband met some guy back last year and became close with him over the months. He just invited us down for a BBQ at his house yesterday. We brought food as well. We brought enough for 12 burgers, 12 hot dogs and some extra (like sodas, chips, etc). There was roughly 8 adults and probably around 12 kids at the BBQ, not including us and our 3 kids (13, 9 and 8months).

Our oldest of 3 children doesn't like hot dogs. He is grossed out by them. He watched a video on how they were made years ago and has refused to touch them since. So when he went up to the grill and he was handed a couple hotdogs, he politely asked for a burger instead. The guy at the grill (husband's friend) says "nope, sorry kid, the burgers are for the adults". I tried explaining that he doesn't like hotdogs and the guy just kind of shrugged his shoulders. So I asked for a burger and right in front of him I had my son switch plates with me. This did cause some hang ups. The other kids were asking why he got a burger when they weren't allowed to. However, no one said anything directly to me or my son.

Well, this guy's been texting my husband today saying that next time there's a BBQ, I'm not invited, followed by an "lol" like it was a joke. Husband asked why and he said that I caused an uproar over a hotdog and that this was "just how shit went" at their house and that burgers are for the adults only whenever there's a BBQ at their place and they "won't be changing their rules" to accommodate to a lone child. My husband hasn't responded and now I'm just pissed in general because now I think the guys a scum bag. It wasn't like we went empty handed. 12 extra burgers is what I personally brought and if my son wanted one of them, he's going to have one regardless of what this man says. My husband thinks I should just drop it but he's literally not defending me or our son here and I'm pissed. Was I wrong here?

My fiancé and I (22m and 21f) have 2 kids, 5f and 3f. Our 5 year old, Sophie, is very strong willed and tends to go through picky phases. Right now her thing is she wants an egg and cheese sandwich for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. All it is is scrambled eggs with whatever kind of cheese we have in the house on white bread. She's also determined that I am the only person allowed to make her egg and cheese sandwiches.

I have stage 2 melanoma. Most of the time I'm ok but I need to take a few days to rest after chemo and I don't cook on those days. My mom is also staying with us to help with the kids and take me to appointments.

Sophie tends to do these little hunger strikes where she says she won't eat anything but whatever food she wants at the moment and I have to be the one to make it. The thing is, by 10-11 am she tends to crumble and agree to only have a cheesy egg sandwich for breakfast and eat other foods/my fiancé's or mom's cooking.

Well, now my dad is visiting and he tends to spoil the kids. I had chemo yesterday and Sophie is currently demanding that I get up and make her sandwich and every 5 minutes I have my dad coming in to tell me to make the sandwich, he knows I'm not feeling well but it's less than 5 minutes and Sophie needs to eat. I told him she'll stop when she realizes she won't get her way but he thinks I'm being a bad mom by not getting up and giving in to this hunger strike that happens almost every weekend.

AITA for not giving in to the hunger strike?

Much like many other stories I have seen, I also have a MIL who turned toxic when I got pregnant with her youngest son's baby. My husband and I are both 26. He has 3 siblings, all older, whom MIL does not act like this with (36F, 34F, 32M). I got along with her really well up until we announced that we were expecting. After that, she sunk her claws in to my husband. She made every attempt possible to get him over to her house and away from me. Started showering him with gifts. Told everyone that she was "indifferent" about us having a baby and made it clear she wasn't excited for us. She even made an attempt to sneak in to the delivery room because "her baby" needed support. It's been a shit show since we announced we were expecting. Our baby is now 8 months old. She has met the baby 3 times. Held the baby once for, at most, a minute and a half. Most of the time she just comes here and asks my husband to go to her house to "help her" with things she is very capable of doing herself. Such as level a picture frame, put air in her tires, set up her email (at least once a month), write letters for her, etc. She claims she "doesn't know how" to do these things herself and she "needs a man's hands". She literally has a boyfriend at home.

It's started really picking up now that it's summer. My husband is barely home as it is because during summer months his job gets incredibly demanding and he is the manager of the company. He's working 50-60hr weeks. And like clock work, his mother will call either as soon as he's off work or on his only days off and crying to him about needing something done and not being able to do it herself. And she does so in such a way that my husband truly does believe that she is incapable of doing these things. Where his siblings all live out of state now (they have all moved within the past 3 months), he is the only "help" she has. It has caused many arguments because he is convinced she actually needs him and refuses to see that she's being toxic. So, yes, a husband and MIL problem.

Today he had the day off and we were supposed to go grocery shopping, as we have nothing in the house. My vehicle has been out of commission for going on 2 weeks and is currently in the shop so I couldn't go myself. Well, this morning he made a dump run while I got the baby ready to go and he calls me about 20 minutes in to the trip stating that his mom called and she "needs" him to help her real quick. I told him that he would need to help her later because I'm starving and there's nothing to eat here. So, he comes home. As we were unloading the groceries after shopping, his mother showed up and started really pushing him to "hurry up" because her task can't wait and she can't do it herself. I ask what she is so desperately needing help with and she says "I need my grill cleaned". I asked if she was serious, because I personally have seen this woman clean her grill herself several times. She says "yes, I don't know how to clean it properly". My husband didn't know what she needed help with at this point so he says "mum, you don't need me to do that". She starts getting pissed and arguing that she 'does' need him. I then say "you know, instead of trying to limit your son's time with his child, you should be encouraging him to be a more present dad. You need to start doing things for yourself. I didn't have a child with a man for his mom to step in and start demanding he suckle from her tit again." Her face immediately went beet red and said that I was disgusting for insinuating something like that, so I said that I'm not the one trying to create an enmeshment relationship with my son, so she's creating the picture, not me. My husband didn't go help her but is irritated with me because I "embarrassed" both him and his mother. AITA?

My brother Nicky (25m) is married to Liza (24f). They were at my parents house on Sunday for dinner and Liza really annoyed the crap out of me, something that isn't new, and I said something in anger and I might be TA for it maybe.

So Liza has a wealthy family. They paid for her and her siblings college expenses 100%. They paid for Nicky and Liza's house. They paid for their wedding. They're paying for one of their sons weddings this summer. They can afford all that. Liza has always been very... open, if trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, about it. She never hid the fact she came from money and was never shy about saying her parents pay for so much for her and her siblings.

Liza doesn't understand that we're not all that lucky. I'm 19f, work full time and I still live with my parents. We couldn't afford college. I didn't get the grades for a scholarship. Struggled enough through school that getting into massive debt for college when I could end up flunking seemed like a bad move for me. So I focus on working and I applied for a couple of training programs close to my parents house so I could try and do better without risking debt for nothing.

Liza looks down on me so hard for living with my parents still and for not going to college. Sunday she talked about how all her siblings attended college, how three of them are still in college, living there and doing just fine. How they'll be able to buy houses right out of college. How even she and my brother could do it. My parents said politely that not everyone can do all that. But then she talked about being 19 and not in college or living on my own and how I should really try so much harder. I snapped at that moment and I told her we can't all have rich parents who can afford to pay our ways through college, for our weddings and for our houses. I told her my parents didn't have that kind of money and neither did I, so we were doing our best in this shitty fucking economy.

Liza told me I'm just lazy and making excuses and she stormed out. Nicky left a while after and he was pretty quiet. Liza used his phone to send me 30 texts three days later demanding I apologize and tearing me a new one for not doing it without being told and I know it was her because she texts in a very specific way.

AITA?

UPDATED AITA? I birthed my son. The father was absent the whole pregnancy but I still gave the father the opportunity to be there for his birth as it was his first child. Father drops a bomb on me and says he has been married this whole time since we both met. We end up coparenting our son. Eight months pass by coparenting and a random number sends me photos of Fathers wife naked with my son as a newborn. I end up taking my son away from father and father is now only able to visit our son at my place of living. AITA for taking son away from father and his side of the family? But then again they are always welcome to visit son at my residence.

Details about the photos: Step mom was fully naked in bathtub no clothes bare naked she had my son around her private area and his face on her breast. They were not taking a bath no water in tub either

Father married his wife for legal status in America.

Taking legal action and getting a custody order and support.

AITA?

English is not my first language, so I apologize for any minor errors you may find.

I (32M) am married to my wife (30F) and we have a beautiful three year-old little girl together.

Now if I'm being honest, our daughter is definitely growing up to be a typical daddy's girl.

Her first word was Dada, her first steps were spent walking over to me, whenever she wants a hug she reaches out to me, and whenever we feed her my wife struggles to get her to open her mouth to actually eat while she'll eat anything I try to give her without hesitation.

Yesterday after we put out daughter to bed my wife asked to speak with me about something important.

She pulled me aside and said she was worried about our daughter's behavior, she said she was worried about her growing up not loving her mother as much as her father.

I was sympathetic towards her because I definitely thought the same thing for a little while.

I told her she should sign up for a mommy and me class because it would be a great opportunity for them to bond, but she said she's to busy to do something like that.

So I asked what she wanted to do and her answer shocked me.

She said she'd like me to leave the house for a week to stay with my sister without telling my daughter first, she said that would practically force her and our daughter to bond.

I said absolutely not. To me that sounded like the worst plan in the history of mankind.

She tried to convince me, saying it was the best option.

I called her selfish and told her she was out of her mind to expect me to abandon our daughter when she's so young for any amount of time.

She said that I was actually the selfish one for hogging my daughter's attention and called me an asshole.

She then stormed into the guest bedroom and slept there for the night.

And today she's done nothing but ignore me, and whenever she sees me do anything with our daughter she glares at me.

I'm pretty confident I'm in the right, but I've still gotta ask.

AITA?

I'm a 19-year-old college student with a younger sister, Emma, who's 18. We grew up in a middle-class family, and our parents always emphasized the importance of education. Since I was a kid, they had been saving up for my college fund. It's not a fortune, but it's enough to get me through college without taking on significant debt.

Emma recently got engaged to her high school sweetheart, Jake. They're both very young, and while I support her decision to marry him, I was surprised when she came to me with a request: she wanted to use my college fund to pay for her dream wedding. She argued that weddings are once-in-a-lifetime events and that she and Jake couldn't afford the kind of wedding they wanted without my help.

I was taken aback. I had always been clear that I intended to use that money for my education, and our parents had saved it specifically for that purpose. I told Emma I couldn't give her the money, explaining that college was important to me and that I needed the funds to secure my future. She was furious and called me selfish, saying that I was ruining her special day and that I should prioritize family over personal ambitions.

The situation escalated quickly. My parents, who were initially on my side, started feeling guilty and pressured by Emma's constant complaints and emotional outbursts. They suggested that I could take out a student loan to cover my college expenses and let Emma have the money for her wedding. They said I would eventually pay off the loans, but Emma’s wedding was a one-time event.

I stood my ground, but now the entire family is divided. Some relatives think I’m being unreasonable and should help my sister out, while others agree that the college fund should be used for its intended purpose. Emma hasn’t spoken to me in weeks, and the tension is unbearable. My parents are caught in the middle, and the whole situation has caused a rift in our once close-knit family.

So, AITA for not letting my sister use my college fund for her wedding?

I don't intend for the title to be so harsh sounding, but I don't know how else to put it. I'll also sound blunt, but I'm just posting the facts as presented.

I'm marrying my partner (A), who is from another country. Her sister (B) is dying of cancer, it is heart breaking, she is a young mother and wife.

Her diagnosis was about four years ago. When she was first diagnosed she was given 1-2 years. Since we were in a different country, as she (B) remained in her home country with her family after her sister (A) immigrated, we saved up some money and traveled to say goodbye to her. It was about the 1.5 year mark when we went to say goodbye, and we had gotten engaged soon beforehand. So we also went over to visit some of the family and ask them how long they needed to save to come across for our wedding, as our dollar is much stronger than theirs. They said 2 years, so that was agreed.

We spent a month with her, laughing, lamenting, spending as much quality time as possible with her. By the end of the trip though, and with the chemo, she was exhausted. We said our heart breaking goodbyes assuming to never see her again.

And then she made a miraculous recovery, with a less than 1% chance of happening, which was awesome. We, along with her other family members who had also immigrated (such as her father and brother) decided to put money together and support her to move over here to spend the rest of her life with us. That was about a year ago.

Now my partner and I are getting married in 2 weeks. All of her family are coming to visit, its a big joyous occasion with lots of travel, we've forked out thousands to help her family get here, and they're all staying for a month or so to celebrate our wedding and spend time with us.

Two weeks ago B got a bad diagnosis, they found lumps, and they said she has about a year left to live. She (for obvious reasons) didn't handle this well, and lashed out at us and our wedding telling us not to talk about it around her.

My partner has always kind of lived in her older sisters shadow, so she was really excited to be celebrated and made a fuss of for once. But B has told everyone about her diagnosis, and has started saying "This is the last time I will see most of you". Now the focus is completely off my partner and our wedding, and is absolutely about B.

I feel heartless and heart broken, but I'm frustrated by this. She has been going out of her way to make sure the people who are coming across (who we have paid thousands for flights, not that it matters that much) are spending as much time with her as possible as this is "the last time she will see them".

Now this period of joy and celebration has an undeniable black cloud hung over it, and people very obviously have stopped making my partner feel special. On top of this, B has maintained her stance that we not talk about our wedding around her.

But the big issue is that B got married during COVID, so never got a father/daughter dance. She wants to have one at our wedding, after my partner has a father/daughter dance, with her own song which - to be honest - sad as f*ck. I have said no, because my partner wanted to say no but felt too guilty so I had to be the bad guy. I also told my partner that if we're not to talk about our wedding around her sister, then I don't want her sister talking about her dying around us. Now I'm being called an asshole. I do absolutely feel like one, but I also feel like this is grossly unfair to ask us to brush our wedding under the carpet because of this. AITA?

Edit: sorry I just woke up and will work through the many comments as fast as I can. I really appreciate all the views and discussions, its precisely why I came here. Genuinely, thank you

You hear about freakishly clever kids going to uni to study Physics as age 12, but you never hear about a 12-year-old writing a brilliant novel. Why is that?

My girlfriend (26F) and I (26M) were in a relationship for 8 years and I was planning on proposing to her next month. We were very serious about building a life together. However, I found out from one of her close friends (25F) that she had cheated on me a couple of years ago at a one night stand. Her friend wanted to remain anonymous. At the point, I still trusted my girlfriend so I wanted to first ask her about it

When I asked my girlfriend about it, she broke down in tears and confessed that she did. Obviously our relationship was done, but at that moment, it felt like my whole life was shattered. I was wearing a watch which my girlfriend had gifted me my last birthday. That watch was given to her by her sister who had passed away a couple of years ago. That watch meant a lot to her but she still gifted it to me on my birthday last year, and it was the most heartfelt gift I have ever received.

However, when my girlfriend confessed she had cheated on me, I took the watch off of me, and I threw it on the floor and it broke. I then stepped on it and stamped it a lot. I later cleaned it and then put the pieces in my trash. My girlfriend was obviously shocked, and I gave her a month to pack up her stuff leave. 

Looking back, I somewhat regret doing it and I acted out of frustration. 

Was I the AH?

I’m getting married in Sept and all of my bridesmaids and I went dress shopping a couple months ago. For some context we’re all in our mid 20s, employed, with no children, my wedding is out of town for my MOH and a couple other bridesmaids, but I’m getting a hotel room for all out of town bridesmaids for the wedding. I’ve known my MOH since 5th grade and we were best friends all through school. I moved away for college and we drifted apart, but I’d see her every time I came home.

The dress shopping trip was out of town so I paid for the 2 hotel rooms while we were there and I drove, my mom brought my MOH and a couple other bridesmaids a since they still live in my hometown. For the dresses my only requirement for them were that they had to be a specific blue color and no satin material. We spent the whole afternoon trying on dresses and everyone found one they liked, including my MOH. I’ve been told she picked out a $350 dress when most of my other bridesmaids had dresses in the $100-$150 range.

The next day was spent relaxing at the pool where my MOH began complaining to one of my other bridesmaids about having to pay for her dress. Saying it was my wedding, and if I wanted a specific dress for them to wear I should pay for it, and that I didn’t pay for the bridesmaid dress when I was in her wedding (she got married at 18 and we wore old prom dresses we already had). My bridesmaid told her I was being pretty reasonable with my request and that she can get any dress she wanted in her budget. MOH disagreed and the bridesmaid shrugged her off, but told me about it later.

A month later my MOH called me and asked for me to buy her dress for her. I told her it wouldn’t be fair if I bought her dress and no one else’s and I couldn’t afford to buy everyone’s dress. She said she is the MOH and that everyone would understand it was a privilege she got. I disagreed and our argument got a little heated. It ended with me saying if she could not get the dress, she couldn’t be in the wedding and I wasn’t budging on this. She hung up on me.

Her mom has since called me saying I’m being very rude for not doing this one thing for her so she can be there on my big day and that I don’t understand what it’s like to not have money for things. I told her I have struggled before too and understand, but said I’m not paying for the dress because it won’t be fair to all of the other bridesmaids.

I’ve since made one of my other bridesmaids that has helped with all of the planning my MOH and I’ve told my ex-MOH she is still invited and sent her an invitation, but some family is telling me I should have just paid for the dress.

I know ex-MOH is tight on money, but she’s known she was going to be in my wedding for nearly two years at this point so I thought she would set aside money for it. AITA for not paying for her dress?

I’m thinking of some of these “chronically online” beliefs, but I’m curious what others have noticed.

I'm an 18-year-old girl who just graduated high school. During my last semester, I was a teacher's aide for a man likely around 35 years old. This happened during the first period, which was his prep time, so it was usually just the two of us. He also had my phone number because it was a quicker way to contact me compared to email. Initially, everything was normal: 1 assisted with class assignments and organizational tasks. He would text me only about class-related matters or if he needed to inform me about something urgent.

As time went on, we started having more conversations, initially on appropriate topics. However, he began sharing very personal details about his life and struggles. I found myself in a kind of therapist role. He said I was such a good listener and that talking to me was the highlight of his day. He also started to give me gifts like soda, candy, and even money. His text messages shifted from being class-related to more personal topics, including our conversations and shared hobbies. He has complimented my features and pays close attention to the little things. When I was about to graduate, he expressed sadness and said he would miss me a lot.

After graduation, his texts increased significantly. He shows a keen interest in my life, wanting to know what I'm up to and what I like. He likes to find me music to listen to. Offers me things to borrow. Asked if I ever do drugs. He has complimented my features and pays close attention to the little things. He even suggested meeting up in person.

Although he has never tried to touch me or anything like that, I feel uncomfortable. I'm not sure how to handle this situation because, even though I'vegraduated, I still feel like his student. It doesn't feel appropriate, even though he's been kind and seems well-intentioned. I'm looking for advice on how to navigate this. I feel trapped in the situation because as a people pleaser, I'll tell him what he wants to hear. I've told him things I don't really mean, and reply to him because I feel guilty. He said he trusts me too, so if I do anything, I'd feel terrible for breaking that trust.

My friend (19M) has always had a problem with his hygiene. Let’s call him Jack. Jack would tell me how long he hasn’t showered for as if it was a good thing, and brag about how he “doesn’t smell at all after this long.”I (20M) have spoken to him about it but he always tells me it’s good for his skin if he doesn’t shower for a week or two. Recently, he’s been starting to smell worse than he did before. Every time I tried to address this to him he tells me that he’s trying to get to one month without showering and that I need to get my “nose checked” because he smells fine.

A few days ago it was one of my friends birthday, and since we’re in the same friend group they invited me and Jack to their house, and the other members of our friend group. It was pretty fun, chatting, hanging out and watching movies but Jack smelled SO bad. And i could tell that my friends noticed because they kept mentioning a “musty” smell in the house but didn’t know what it was. Near the end of our little hangout my friends were clearly getting horribly affected by the smell of Jack. One of my friends said “I think it’s one of us” as a joke.

Here’s where I fucked up. I laughed at his joke and said “I know exactly who it is. Jack’s trying to reach his one month goal of not showering again. Not even joking.” At that point my friends realized the source of the smell was coming from Jack. My friend group is pretty ruthless so they started making all types of jokes about him while laughing like maniacs at each one. And I’m not gonna lie, I was laughing like one too. Jack obviously wasn’t pleased and just left. The next day Jack had blocked me on everything. I mean i do feel a little bad but at least this might’ve been a wake up call for him to shower. Am I the asshole?