Advice Needed
My husband (m33) & I (f30) are expecting a baby boy, We're barely catching up with preperation and getting everything ready. His mom (kind of a busy body type but can be helpful at times) invited us for dinner and said she has an important request to make.
She brought her request up at dinner table and blatantly said that she wanted to be in the delivery room with me when I give birth. I was taken back by her request -- I really thought it had something to do with the nursery or diaper brand. I said I was sorry but only my mom and my husband will be there. She made a face, got quiet for a while then brought it up again. just kept pushing saying she is as much of a grandmother as my mom and that she just wanted to be there for support and get the opportunity to see her grandbaby's first moments. my husband sided with her.
I just stared at her and said "it's alright, you can have the opportunity to be in the delivery room when it's your son who's giving birth". everyone stopped eating and my mother in law left the table in an instance. My husband had me got up although I wasn't finish with dinner but he said we should leave.
In the car, he lost it on me asking "what brain cell" made me think it was a good idea to tell his mom that. I told him his mom kept pushing after I'd already given her an answer. still he said this was the most fucked up shit he heard me say. I replied that I was just frustrated and didn't mean to hurt her feelings and cause issues. he argued that if I don't want issues then I should stop making shit difficult and just say yes to his mom's request. he then ranted about how it's his son too and then said if his mom isn't allowed in there then he won't be there too. now I don't know if he really meant this or just said it in the hear of the moment but it had me fuming.
He's been ignoring me when I try to talk to him and act like I'm not in the room. I think I might have gone too far and created tension by responding inappropriately. AITA?
EDIT/ there has been some tension between me, my husband, and his family lately this probably blew up because of built up resentment
I (34F) recently lost my sister (41F) to cancer. It was devastating, and I'm still processing the grief. My sister was a single mom to three kids: Jake (14M), Emma (12F), and Lily (8F). In her will, she named me as the guardian for her children.
Here's where things get complicated. I've never wanted kids of my own. I love my nieces and nephew, but I've always been the "fun aunt" who takes them out for ice cream or to the movies. I've never had to be responsible for major decisions about their lives.
I have a demanding career as a corporate lawyer, often working 60+ hours a week. I live in a small one-bedroom apartment in the city, which is perfect for me but definitely not suitable for three growing kids. My lifestyle involves a lot of travel and late nights at the office. I'm also in a relatively new relationship (10 months) with my loving boyfriend, who's childfree by choice like me.
When my sister first told me about her decision to name me as guardian, I expressed my concerns. I told her that I didn’t feel comfortable with that role because I didn’t think my boyfriend, job, and lifestyle wouldn’t survive it. She assured me that it was just a precaution and that she was sure she'd beat the cancer. I didn’t press the issue because I thought/hoped she would beat the cancer, and also because I wanted her to remain optimistic. We never really had another serious conversation about it.
Now that she's gone, I've told my family that I don't think I can take the kids. I've suggested that our parents (mid-60s, retired) take them instead, or possibly our older brother (40M) who has two kids of his own and lives in a large house in the suburbs.
My family is furious with me. They say I'm selfish and that I'm abandoning the kids when they need someone the most. They argue that it was my sister's dying wish for me to raise her children and that I'm “pissing all over” her memory by refusing. My parents say they're too old to raise young kids again, and my brother claims he can't afford three more children.
The kids themselves are understandably upset and confused. Jake, the oldest, overheard a conversation among family members and then Skyped me, visibly upset, saying that I'm abandoning them just like their dad did (he left when Lily was a baby).
I feel absolutely terrible about the whole situation. I love my nieces and nephew, and I want what's best for them. But I honestly don't think I'm equipped to raise three kids. I’m also dealing with my own grief, and I'm worried that if I take them in I'll end up resenting them or not giving them the care and attention they deserve.
I've offered to contribute significantly, financially, to their care, whoever ends up taking them in. I've also said I'd still be involved in their lives as their aunt, but I just don't think I can be their full-time guardian. My brother told me my life has changed and that I need to embrace it. I feel trapped with no way out, and most of my days are spent crying.