Q&As

My birthday was yesterday and my husband invited his best friend Matt and his best friends pregnant girlfriend Jane out for a BBQ. They live 2 houses down from us. It was only us, our 3 children and them here (and their 3 kids). I spent about $90 on hamburger and hotdogs. Matt also showed up with 2lbs of hamburger. While the guys cooked, I went swimming with all the kids in our pond. Jane sat near the guys on her phone.

Around 5:30ish the guys called the kids up for food. Me and my middle child (9) weren't hungry yet so we kept swimming. We spent a good 40+ extra minutes in the pond on our tubes. I wasn't paying any attention to anything that was going on near the grill. Around 6:15ish is when my husband said that he was going to make a store run for beer, so I tell my son that we should probably go eat now. My husband and Matt are gone by the time we get up to the grill, so is Jane. Well, we get up to the grill and all the food is gone. Literally everything. I call my husband and ask him where all the food is and he said that it should be on the grill. I tell him that everything is gone. There was a long pause before he goes "Jane asked if she could take some for leftovers but I didn't think she would take all of it". He then tells me there was at least 8 burgers and 10 hotdogs left, as well as macaroni salad when he left for the store 10 minutes prior. I tell him to call Matt and see where tf all the food is. He does. He then calls me back and says that Matt claims Jane only took "a few" and that they had already been eaten. But my oldest son (13) straight up tells me he saw Jane walk off our property carrying the entire dish (one of those extra large tin foil BBQ dishes).

Anyways, I'm pissed at this point. Me and my son hadn't eaten anything. My husband is also pissed but he just grabbed me and my son something from the store instead of making a huge fuss. I don't really blame him (him and Matt work together so it is what it is). But anyways, much to my surprise, Jane and her kids come back over 45 minutes later and ask if they can have some of my cake. I tell Jane that her kids can but she can't. She asks why and I said "I'm pretty sure you've eaten plenty considering you took off with my entire BBQ dinner before me and my son could eat anything". She tried arguing that my husband told her she could have it, that "half of it was hers" (cause they brought 2lbs of hamburger meat) and that she "didn't realize" me and my kid hadn't eaten (she was beside the grill the entire time). I just shrugged my shoulders and walk away. She tells her kids to "let's go" and they leave without cake. Now I'm feeling like I may be the asshole. No one has said anything but I know there's tension.

My late wife passed 3 years ago, our two kids were in their late 20s at the time. It's been a hard few years and it is even harder now that I live alone.

She had a lovely dark chocolate cherry cake. It was my favorite thing that she would make and I always requested it for Father's Day. I am a shit baker and I have tried to remake it from her notes. The notes are not very clear and it never turns out correct. It is depressing spending so much time and it being wrong.

I have asked my two kids to try and make it but they have refused to. I was told that they will not figure out the recipie and to stop asking. I went to a local bakery and asked for them to figure it out.

They agree as long as I gave them the permission to sell the cake in the store. It didn't take them long to figure it out and it is almost exactly the same to my wife's.

I bought one for Father's Day and my kids were happy about the cake until I told them the bakery did it. They are pissed I would sell their mothers recipie to a bakery.

This whole week they have been telling me how I am a jerk for this and I am wondering if I really am a jerk. I just wanted to eat her cake again

Growing up, my dad stayed at home while my mom worked. While my mom financially provided for my sister and myself, she was emotionally hands off. She came to a ballet recital here and there but didn’t want to help with homework, didn’t want to listen when we needed advice, etc. Our dad did 95% of the emotional labor. I later found out from my mom that my dad was the one who wanted kids. She loved her career and didn’t mind providing financially but she did not want to do any of the stuff related to raising us outside of that. I am very grateful she provided for us financially, but I do admit it hurts that she wasn’t there when we needed her. She was physically present but not emotionally present.

EDIT: as this has come up, to be clear, the arrangement was my mother’s idea, not my father’s. That being said, I do agree that my father was equally as selfish for making this arrangement.

My dad always did grand gestures for her. Mother’s Day was always a big deal with a huge brunch, flowers, gifts. She was spoiled. She did nothing for him on Father’s Day. He had to do everything for himself until my sister and I were old enough to do stuff for him. I get that was the arrangement they had but I know it made my dad sad. I once asked why he didn’t get the same hoopla our mom got and he just sadly said “father’s day isn’t as important as Mother’s Day.”

As adults, my sister and I have tried to rectify it. We do Father’s Day up big and our dad loves it. We grill for him just how he taught us and throw a huge BBQ with some other family members. However, we’ve turned Mother’s Day very lowkey. We still celebrate our mom but she usually gets a quiet lunch at a restaurant of her choice and a few gifts. After my mom ended up skipping my sister’s baby shower this year because “she didn’t see the big deal with someone having a baby”, my sister wanted to do nothing for her. We sent gifts but spent Mother’s Day with each other, our husbands and our own kids.

My mom told us after Father’s Day that she was hurt we didn’t do more for her in recent years. I said that since she put in almost no emotional labor into raising us, we are putting none into her. She said that our father and I had an agreement. I pointed out that yes, but we never agreed to it and it want fair that we grew up with an emotionally absent mother who didn’t want us. And to be fair, we have had this conversation with our dad as well and he admits it wasn’t fair to us either. I also said if she didn’t want kids, then why should she be celebrated as a mom?

My mom is upset with both of us and called us ungrateful brats. My dad feels bad for her but supports our choice. AITA?

EDIT: To those asking how I’d feel if my dad were the one that acted like this/how I feel about dads who do this in general: they suck just as much and it’s not fair to the kids, regardless of whatever agreement spouses come to. This is not gender specific. While some people may have a gender bias, I do not.

Hey. This happened a few days ago but It's been a busy week for me and I was a bit hesitant to update.

I went to see my parents with my brother. My dad texted me before to to let me know that my sister was coming too. I didn't want to cause any problems between her and my parents by telling them about what she and her best friend did. But when she started the conversation with lies. I told them everything and made it clear that I'm not asking them to take sides and that I will still come to family gatherings but I won't engage with her in any way.

My dad couldn't let the fact that she grabbed me by the back of my neck slide. But my mother tried to make it seem like it was out of desperation, to make me accept her apology. What my sister said next did it for my mom. She asked them how is anyone still supposed to remember what exactly triggers me after all these years and that I already gotten over it since I didn't react. And what if I've been faking it all these years. I know I shouldn't have said this and I really regret it now but I told her I wish she go through exactly what I went through. Maybe then she could give me a better example of how I should've handled it all. She told me to get over it and stop begging magazines to post about what happened at the wedding and left. My dad told me later that her best friend's younger sister read about it in 'People' magazine. it was posted on their Instagram. And (get over it?) she's the only one who still brings up what happened.

My mother now understands why I decided to go no contact. My dad and brother are 100% supportive of my decision. But I can't stop thinking about what she said. She tried to trigger a reaction out of me and now thinks I've been faking it because I didn't give her one. It's been 11 years. Years of therapy and meds, of course I've gotten better. Not 100% tho since I felt irritated. And if it wasn't for already being labeled 'crazy' I would've shoved her away.

I feel like I should've cut contact with her the moment she asked my parents why I didn't stay at the party and wait for my brother to come and pick me up. The reason I left the party was because some of the guys who were invited were much older than I was and they were getting drunk and loud. Two of them followed me. First thing my sister told my parents was and still believe that I left with them because I was naive and just scared/ashamed to admit it. Even after both of them confessed everything. But I was young I guess and cutting contact with her wasn't something I could do.

I also want to mention how supportive my partner has been through all of this. From the day I told him everything. He has been incredibly understanding. Even though I never asked him to and he never told me but I know he still goes through each movie/series before we watch it together to make sure there aren't any scenes that could make me uncomfortable. When I put something on. he finds a way to distract me for a few minutes to check it before we watch. He has never made me feel like a screw up. He makes me feel like I still deserve to be loved.

Thank you to each of you for your kind comments and reaching out in private❤️

Edit: There's something else that happened in the last few days but I can't mention it. Since they found out I posted on the internet from 'People' magazine's Instagram. I assume they searched for the original post here on Reddit. I don't think I'm doing anything wrong though. I didn't mention any personal information in my original post or updates.

I'm a woman in my late 50s, married to my husband, early 60s. We've been married for 30 odd years.

I have fulfilled the role of a 'traditional' wife for much of our marriage, and I left paid work soon into our marriage. My husband is very successful in his business and we live comfortably. All our children are adults now.

My husband built his business from the ground up, and I was instrumental to the early success which set it up to be what it is today. We were having lunch with our children when my son mentioned that his wife didn't want to be 'trad wife' and do what I did to raise the kids. She raised concerns about how vulnerable a position it is and that she doesn't want to solely depend on him for money. He wanted me to talk to her and convince her by telling her how it worked out for me.

I said I understood where she was coming from, and being a housewife is incredibly risky and vulnerable, especially if he leaves her and she's been out of the labour force for a while. He countered that it had worked for his father and I because I trusted him as my husband to provide for me and why couldn't his wife do the same? I told him I have a meticulous record of all contributions I have ever made to the family business - recently digitised with the help of my daughter - so that if we worst ever happened, I wouldn't be relying on the mercy of a man to feed myself. I told him I have made many contingency plans over the years to minimise the risk of being a housewife and compensate for my lack of pension and benefits I'd have had had I not left the labour force.

My son and husband were angered my this. Both said it showed a lack of trust, and my husband especially feels I've had 'one foot out the door' our entire marriage and that my 'little escape plan' included plans to 'shaft him of his business'. I told him the fact that he refers to it as 'his' business rather than 'ours' is exactly why I kept those records and why I won't be telling my daughter in law to do what she doesn't want to do.

AITA?

note - it's late here so I'm going to respond in the morning. thank you.

I, Hannah, [40f] met my husband, Ben, [38m] in 2015 through mutual shared interests. We began dating and at the end of 2016 Ben proposed to me and I said, "yes." We had a wedding at the end of 2019 before COVID. I was the happiest I had ever been. I had married my best friend, and I believed that our marriage and relationship were perfect. We had our ups and downs, the same as any relationship, but never had any significant fight or issues that would have tainted the relationship. After the COVID lockdown ended and we were able to return to work as normal and be more social, I started noticing changes in Ben. He would set up his work schedule so that he was away from home more. He wouldn't accompany me to things like movies or family outings. He would get short and snappy with me. He just began to feel cold and distant. In my heart, I felt like he had already left me. In March of 2022, I had to travel out of state for a weekend. While I was gone, Ben would not answer my phone calls, texts, etc. He also disconnected and deactivated the security systems at our home. All red flags. After crying and battling myself internally over what I should do, I decided to return home from the trip a day early without telling Ben. I got home at 3:00 a.m. on Sunday (Ben wasn't expecting me home until Monday). When I came into the house Ben was asleep alone and his phone was beside of him. I picked it up and walked out of the house to go through the phone - the first time I had done this in our relationship. The things I found made me sick. He had been sending pictures through snapchat to various women. He had been googling addresses and directions to different women's houses. I checked the GPS in his car and the addresses had been entered there. Ben suffered from ED, so he kept Viagra in the house. I knew he had just refilled the prescription before I went out of town, so I grabbed the bottle and found that several pills were missing since I left on Friday. His screen time showed hours and hours logged in the messenger and phone but he had deleted all phone call records and text messages so that I could not see who he had been communicating with. Then I found the vault. An app where you can store photos and videos with password protection. I sent myself pictures of all of the various evidences I had found on his phone. I woke Ben up and told him that we needed to talk. When he saw that I was holding his phone he became as white as a ghost and tried to attack to me to retrieve it. I handed it to him and told him I had already seen all that I needed to see. I asked him what the password was to the vault on his phone as we had an open device/password policy in our relationship. He absolutely refused to give it to me. He told me he would rather end the relationship than give me the password. That told me everything I needed to know. I took steps the following few days to initiate divorce proceedings. I was so devastated that my rock, my best friend, my partner in life had treated me like this and so easily tossed our 7 year relationship away. I went into a state of depression. I could not eat and lost close to 30 pounds, could not sleep, missed several days of work, had to go to counseling, and take medications to try to feel normal. After about 2 months of this, my best friend, Mallory, [40f] begged me to get on a dating app to meet some people. I was hesitant because I had never been on a dating app, but thought what the hell...maybe it will help me get over Ben. I joined Tinder and matched with Jake [33m]. Jake and I had a lot of fun chatting with one another and eventually decided to meet in person. I was open and honest about my situation with Jake and let him know about my divorce and ex-husband. Jake thought Ben was an idiot for ending our marriage and losing a woman like me. Jake and I increasingly began spending time together and were inseparable after a few weeks. A few months later in the summer of 2022, Jake asked me if we could be exclusive. In December of 2022, Jake surprised me and asked me to marry him. I was a whirlwind of emotions, but I said yes. Of course, this news made it to social media and that's when I began hearing from Ben again. Ben contacted me to let me know that it was embarrassing to him that I have moved on so quickly and that was publicly engaged. He was also upset in my choice of partner as he made sure to let me know that he did not approve of Jake for me. I don't even know why he cared, because he cheated on me and ended our marriage. Jake and I got married in 2023 at a tropical destination wedding. It was beautiful and Jake went above and beyond to make it special for me. Ben reached out to me again to let me know that I looked like the cheater in our relationship, because I moved on so quickly and got remarried. So, AITAH for moving on and remarrying quickly after my ex-husband cheated on me and divorced me?

My husband's brother and his wife are expecting a baby together. This is their first. My husband and I have four kids so we've been there, done that and we're both happy with our kids names. For the sake of the post BILs wife is going to be Emma.

So Emma came to me a few weeks ago and asked me how my husband and I figured out names for our kids because she and BIL haven't listed the name name yet for their baby. She said they've made a few lists already but there's never one name overlapping. She said given we seemed to find our names easily and we're still happy, she felt I was a good person to ask.

I decided to help her without going into "name your baby this" or "use this to get a baby name" and instead I told her some steps my husband and I took. 1) Write a list of top names, top 10, 20, 50 whatever and choose the names off each other's list that are absolutely no, never going to happen and accept that and don't hold a grudge over it 2) Discuss what your priority is in a name. For us it was a name that fit among peers (not too old, not too weird) but where they would still be the only [name] in the class. 3) Try to have fun with it both individually and together 4) Take breaks if you feel yourself getting stressed or frustrated.

Emma took it all in and even made some notes on her phone while we talked. She thanked me for the words of wisdom. Then she went to BIL and all seemed fine. Until he found out I had given advice. He told me I had no business interfering and told my husband I should mind my business. My husband stood up for me and said Emma had asked and I didn't interfere, I didn't try to talk them into a name, I just gave some tips on how they could work together better.

Emma apologized to me for BIL getting so angry. BIL said I should at least apologize before we put this to bed. He said I did overstep with my advice. My husband said BIL is being unreasonable.

AITA?

For context, I mentioned buying groceries at the dollar tree and she said that’s ‘gross’ so I said “well I don’t get food stamps sooo”

And honestly I love the Dollar Tree. I can go get cleaning supplies, granola bars, breakfast sandwiches, and little cereals for a fraction of the price. I’m not ashamed to shop there at all.

My friend brought up that their food is gross, but I’ve been grocery shopping with her. She’s got 3 kids. She’ll spend $200 on 4 cases of pop and junk food. I’ve could’ve been a whole lot nastier but bit my tongue.

When I was younger, the standard windows firewall was seen as weak and worth replacing asap with premium or strong free anti viruses, like Avast. What changed to make Windows Defender competitive? It looks like a few years ago something suddenly happened and now everybody on the market has great protection.

The preliminary hearing on the new RO went well. Emma and Natalie were there, and we discovered that Emma is currently living with her great-grandmother and has a guardian ad litem(court-appointed guardian on legal matters). My lawyer thinks this means whatever was found in Natalie's home situation warranted removing Emma, and potentially severe enough that the great-grandmother only has physical custody and the need to appoint a guardian ad litem.

During the hearing, we went through the whole song and dance, the past RO's, the whole deal. My lawyer turned to Emma's representative and said we were willing to submit to a DNA test and put this to bed. Natalie looked like she was having a conniption at that, and her own lawyer urged her to shush. Emma's representative accepted and we were cheek swabbed in the courthouse. A temporary order is now in place while a second hearing is scheduled in the upcoming weeks for the 'permanent'(two year) order.

The order covers immediate family on both sides, and as I've detailed in the past, Natalie is actually good with following court orders, oddly. We have about four weeks before we have the definitive test results back, but I'm not too worried either way.

PS, there was some people who thought the court couldn't 'use charity as a cudgel' was the father. Well, that's Jim. Haven't talked to Jim in 10 years, but Jim is gay, and hated Natalie. He just also happened to be a 'give the shirt off his back' kind of dude, and as long as I knew him volunteered at a food pantry. His protests came mostly from naivety not self interest.

I'm 30f, and I'm currently two months pregnant with my first child and engaged to my fiancé of three years James (31), for little background when I was [15] my parents had my baby brother ; and five years after while I was (20) and Matt was (5), my parents and Matt were driving home when they got into an accident resulting in my parents' death.

After the accident I was completely destroyed and devastated, but I had to pull myself together to be there for my brother and the following month I buried my parents and with the help of my aunt and uncle I applied for guardianship of my brother it took about seven months before I was approved.

I had to get a stable job/income which I did, proper housing for me and my brother which I did by using money from my inheritance to buy a house and other little things, but in the end I got my guardianship of my brother. It was hard at first working while looking after my brother it's easy now but there are still its ups and downs, but I would do it all over again for my brother. 

I met my fiancé when I was (27) at a gathering, and we just clicked after three months of dating he proposed to me at first I said no because I still have my brother to take care of but after thinking I said yes, and we agreed to wait until we were financially stable. In the beginning of this year we wanted to tie the knot since I was pregnant because I didn't want my baby to be born out of wet luck, and we started the preparations and the wedding is happening in October but from what happened last week Saturday night it looks like there isn't going to be a wedding.

There were many issues where we fought and resolved, for example the wedding date the date my fiancé wanted for the wedding was on my brother's birthday. I had a problem with that I wanted to throw my brother a big party because he is turning (14) so I offered the week after in which we argued, and he even ran to his mother to try to convince my but I stood my ground stating my brother's birthday is important to me and him there was a little more fighting, but we end up coming to a resolved.

Then there were the roles I wanted my brother to play in my wedding at first I offered my brother to be his best man, but he said he wanted his best friend I said ok, then I said ring boy he would hold the rings on the little pillow and bring it up to us, but James said he wanted his nephew I said okay and left it. Saturday morning I was watching this tic tok video where the Bride asked her male best friend to her man of honor and I thought it was sweet so I decided to bring it to him, when he came home, I was in the kitchen while my brother was at sleepover at his friend's house that Saturday night, as he entered a sat, I said I have the perfect role for Matt.

What is that"-Him

"I thought he could be my man of honor and then both wedding parties then coming out as couples they can come out as singles"-Me

"WHAT"- Him

"Man of honor or I will call it my brother of honor it would be lovely"- Me

"But I thought you wanted my sister to be your maid of honor so that can't work"-Him

"I never agreed to this and what about my brother I want him to play some role in my wedding"- Me

"I was thinking he could be a guest and sit in the rows"- Him

I was completely shocked like I wanted my brother to be in my wedding and not some side guest, I didn't know what to say he wanted to put my brother on the side lines, his whole family was playing some part of the wedding and my most of my bridesmaids were his cousins only two was were close friends but this he couldn't grant me. I stopped what I was doing and told him no it was my wedding too, and I wanted my brother to be my man of honor, and he started that his sister was better, and my brother would be guest, and he didn't want children in the wedding parties, I completely lost and started arguing with him from one thing to the next.

Since Saturday, he hasn't come home, only sending his brother to pick up some of his stuff, and his mother and sister have been blowing up my phone, but I'm a selfish woman and so what if my brother is a guest. So the last time they called was Wednesday night and I went batshit crazy on both of them using language I'm not proud of but I end the call with (yes my brother is more important than him and this wedding if it's happening, and I will never put him in front of Matt, so I'm ; f**kin sorry and to let James contact me to talk things out).

I came back to move things out of my home I rent through Golden Rule Estates here in Lawton Oklahoma and all my stuff is gone. Mine and my toddlers bed and frames, tvs ,a lot of clothes, dishes, bed stand, dressers, chairs, sectional like literally everything I didn’t grab in the first go. I was never served anything no mention of eviction from the office manager no trying to reach out to me. I just come back and everything’s gone. What can I do? I can’t get ahold of anyone at the office!! And I’m not sure where to start.. I know it was my landlord cause my neighbor had my chairs on their front porch and when I confronted them, they told me Eric (our landlord) was giving things away and taking a bunch to the dump.. Eta I live in a trailer park so the landlord is over all trailers.

Just got off the phone with non emergency dispatch. They’re going to check it out since I can’t get in touch with landlord and was never served a notice of eviction. I need advise on what steps I should take and if I have a good court case if I decide to go that route.