Q&As

My wife and I have been discussing baby names for our son. She likes the name "M" because it was her brother's name. When she first mentioned it, I said I wasn't comfortable with our son having that name. She asked why and got upset, thinking it had to do with her brother. I told her that I didn't have any positive memories associated with that name growing up and I didn't want our son associated with the name either.

She got upset since I didn't give a specific reason. I told her I wasn't comfortable discussing it further, but she kept asking. After a while I told her that "M" was a family friend I didn't like. She asked me why I didn't like him but I told her that I just didn't like him and that's all she needed to know. She eventually stopped asking and I was happy.

However, I found out she's been asking my family members about "M" which upset me and I confronted her about it. They didn't give her anymore information than I did because that's all they know. I told my wife I didn't like that she went behind my back after I already made it clear I was uncomfortable with the topic. I told her that if she really wants to name our son after her brother she could use his middle name but his first name was off limits.

This upset her and she told me that she's hurt I'm keeping a "secret" from her and that I should look at it as an opportunity to turn "whatever problem" I'm having with the name into something positive with our son. This sparked an argument as I didn't appreciate her telling ne that. She's now mad and claiming I'm keeping a secret from her but I don't see how I am. I told her I didn't want to name our son "M" and I gave her a reason why. I don't see why I have to go into full detail.

Eta: "M" was not a "bully." He was a fucking rapist. I told no one, and I intend to keep it that way. Why am I expected to tell my wife when I didn't even tell my parents?

Edit 2: Also, stop saying I dont trust my wife. It's a difference. I don't want ANYONE to know. That has nothing to do with trust. Stop acting like it does.

Edit 3: Didn't think this had to be said, but in case some of you forgot, this is anonymous, and none of you know me in real life. Telling you is different from telling people I know. Besides, I only said it because people were implying that I had a "petty reason" for not wanting to name my son "M," which again upset me.

When I was 16 years old my girlfriend broke up with me. I was pathetic and begged her to change her mind. I thought I was in love and couldn't be without her. I was an idiot.

I'm 25 now and I have promised myself I will never do that again. I have had several relationships and a few hook ups. And when they end I am sad but not weak.

I had been with my girlfriend for a year and a half. We met at a social function for people in our line of work. We hit it off and started seeing each other more often then made it exclusive.

Recently we have been talking about moving in together. Our city is expensive and we thought we could save some money. Her apartment is bigger than mine but I own mine so we were working stuff out.

Last weekend out of nowhere she says that we are moving too fast. Okay no problem we didn't make any plans that can't be undone yet.

Nope she said that she wanted to break up because she wasn't sure I was all in. I said okay. Then she freaked out. Apparently it was a test to see if I would fight for her.

Yeah I don't do that any more and I do not appreciate mind games. So I told her that I would box up anything of hers that might be at my place and she could pick it up.

She accused me of being a cold-hearted asshole that was only using her for sex. I wasn't. I thought we had a future. I wasn't ready to propose or anything but I thought she was the one. We had met each other's families and she had spent last Christmas with us. My parents and sister love her. I loved her.

My mom and dad called me to ask what was going in and I told them. They think I am being stubborn. My little sister says I'm being a complete jerk for not forgiving my ex.

I just remember crying myself to sleep over a girl and refuse to do it again.

AITAH?

My wife (35f) and I (36m) went to a bar last weekend for some drinks and dancing. When we got inside, I told my wife I needed to use the restroom and gave her some cash to go but us some drinks.

After I used the restroom, I find her at the bar with our drinks and she is chatting with another man. I have no issues with this. I approach my wife, grab my drink, and try to join in on the conversation. I felt so awkward standing there as this guy had no idea who I was, and my wife didn’t introduce me. So, I stick out my hand to introduce myself as her husband and the guy just blankly stares at me and give me a limped wrist hand -shake. My wife and the guy continue their conversation and discussing their favorite bars in the neighborhood.

I felt like a third wheel there, and it felt like my voice was being ignored. I decided to leave those two to talk and I approached two women also sitting across the bar and make friendly conversation.  The one was wearing a band t-shirt of one of my favorite bands, so we were talking about that.  My wife saw this and began giving me the death stare. She then left the guy at the bar and pulled me away from those two women. It was quite awkward.

My wife and I discussed what happened. I explained that I felt like third wheel with her and the guy at the bar. They were ignoring the things I said, and she didn’t even introduce me when I came up to them. I wanted to have some fun conversing with some new people, like she was doing, which I why I started talking to the two women at the bar. I told my wife that her speaking with that guy and me speaking with the women are the same situation, except she did not even try to join the conversation I was in. It’s not like we were discussing anything inappropriate. Literally, just music, specifically that band the women was wearing a t-shirt of.

We have discussed this at length, and she claims they are totally different situations because I had to approach those women, where she was already seated and the guy approached her. I am over this situation and ready to move on, but my wife cannot let it go and has been giving me the cold shoulder since that night.

So reddit, AITAH in this situation?

I was selling furniture on Facebook marketplace when I found a would be buyer. They showed up, handed me an envelope, and drove off.

In the envelope was a letter from a girlfriend from 2012, a birth certificate, and pictures of her middle son.

The letter described our bad breakup (she cheated on me with her ex and broken up with me) Says she “never hid him from me” since she publicly posted pictures on Facebook (she deactivated it after the breakup however). She says it’s not an apology because she did everything to keep her family together. She ends it with requesting that I take a paternity test and be a part of his life.

The BC has the ex’s name that she cheated on me with. I’m reluctant to even reply and ignore until I’m actually court ordered to take a paternity test.

Is this the right move? Is she seeking child support? If so, why didn’t she just get a court ordered paternity test?

So, literally, both kids and my wife, all who were reminded repeatedly over the last week, forgot Sunday was Father’s Day. No anything. Literally fuck all. My wife, after being asked the next day, admitted she remembered, but not until two hours before I went to my third shift job, and when she remembered, she admitted she texted her step dad, but chose to say nothing to me. Kids still haven’t said shit. I’m pissed. Fucking livid. And I’m now not speaking to any of them. For reference, my kids are 18 and 21, and I’ve been married to their mother for 22 years. And I’ve NEVER forgot any of their days. Birthdays. Mother’s Day, which I despise because of its proximity to my own birthday and the way my parents used it to essentially tell me I didn’t deserve a birthday celebration my whole childhood. AITAH? Kids and wife are certain I am and I should apologize.

Throwaway Account because people in the family know my main

I (15f) am in a weird situation and would like an outside perspective. I am my parents, mom (37f) and dad (42m) only child together, and I have a stepmom “Eve” (42f). From what I was told, my dad and my step mom were a couple first but things didn't work out shortly after they had my siblings, and my dad eventually met and married my mom after she discovered that she was pregnant with me. My dad didn't marry Eve and from what my aunts told me she was really bitter about that and used my siblings as a weapon to punish my dad and mom.

My mom tried her best but after she found out that my dad and Eve were sleeping together she filed for divorce. During the marriage my dad had an established business that grew and because my mom was able to prove that she had done unpaid labor for my dad's business my mom had some leverage within the divorce and agreed to relinquish a stake in the company for alimony, the house, and a car for herself while getting child support for me. For the next couple of years my mom focused on me and going back to school because my dad convinced her to stop while she was taking a break from her studies to save up more money.

She eventually graduated and tried looking for work but nothing really interested her. My dad and step mom (who had gotten married by then) were always angry with my mom for not getting a job so that they would be less alimony to pay and tried to get 50/50 custody of me to try and reduce child support but I never liked living with my dad full time because I was often made to babysit their younger children, my older siblings were never warmed up to me, and I didn't like they way Eve and her family would talk about my mom.

Eventually, my mom got certified for a job she wanted and has been an independent contractor for years. Because of this my mom submitted the paperwork to stop alimony and she's been living life. Last week when I was with my mom Eve, my sister "Zoe" (20f), and Eve's sisters were in the living room saying very rude things about my mom. They called her a side piece, a gold digger, and said that my older sister had to take out loans because of the increase in alimony that my mom was awarded. I walked in and called Eve and Zoe liars, that my mom was never the side piece, and my mom has been working for years so there was no alimony.

There was a big confrontation and I ended up leaving but I later sent Eve, Zoe, and one of Eve's sisters a link to my mom's professional social media page that listed the companies she worked for. Turns out my dad never told his family that the alimony payments stopped and instead of putting the extra money towards them he's been keeping it for spending it elsewhere. It’s crazy over there and my dad and a few of his family members are saying that I'm wrong for meddling in "grown folks business." I just hated how they were talking and spreading lies about my mom but maybe I went about it the wrong way so AITA?

I 28(F) am pregnant and about to deliver our first baby. My MIL wants to name our baby the name of her dead daughter.

My MIL wanted to get us pregnant right after getting married so that her daughter would be reborn!! My husband and I dated for 8 years and decided to get married, everyone were happy. Our wedding planning was in progress and due to an unfortunate accident my SIL passed away before our wedding.

Our wedding was postpone to one year so everyone will have time to grieve. After the wedding all the relatives from my husband's side wanted us to get pregnant immediately and wished that it would be a daughter. There was a lot of pressure.

Gradually after a year of being married we were pregnant. We were very happy.

I truly wish it will be a baby boy and not a girl because of my MIL. I feel like I would be depressed if it was a baby girl due to my MIL portraying my baby as her daughter.

As a note I did not know the SIL that much as my husband and I were in a long distance relationship. And my SIL passed away before I could even meet and get to know her.

AITAH for not wanting a baby girl so my MIL wouldn't have the chance to name her?

Edit: Husband is supportive. Him and I have already spoke to MIL about not wanting to name our baby as her daughter but MIL doesn't seem to respect boundaries. Stressing me during my pregnancy I don't know how to be more clear to her. Hubs and I can be more stern but we don't want to end up being the AH to a grieving lady.

Any advice on keeping the MIL lady in line without disrespecting her would be appreciated thanks!

Ok so I wake up pretty early around 5 40 is to head to the gym before work and recently my neighbour(kinda idk what to call the person who lives in the flat under you) has complained about being woken up by car sounds early in the morning. Some context on this assuming her house is the same lay out as mine there are 2 bedrooms the one she sleeps in is the one directly facing outwards towards the parking area. I do drive a slightly loud car tbh not like loud enough to hurt your ears while idling but loud enough to startle you on startup. So she asked me to leave later in the morning so she could get her sleep i refused cause well im unable to really hit the gym any other time during the day.

I told her if the noise was really that bad of a issue she could get ear plugs or something of the sort cause I cant help her with the sound.

so AITA

I work at the front desk of gym/fitness center in the surrounding area of Houston, Texas. My black coworker decided to post a sign that simple says “Happy Juneteenth” to celebrate the holiday, as we decorate for every other holiday so it’s only fair. I did think a few people would have something to say since it is the South, but one (white) woman blew me away a bit with her blatant racism. She angrily said to who I’m assuming was her father and in front of her 4-5 year old son “this is ridiculous!” grabbing the sign and slamming it back down. She then continued by saying “I can’t believe they’re advertising this” and laughed angrily at me like I was going to agree. I was so taken aback all I could do was sit in disbelief. I don’t understand why anyone would be appalled at celebrating part of American history. Does she not believe freeing the slaves was a positive part of our history? I don’t understand how anyone could justify this behavior. Anyone have people around them or know how people like her and her father justify this kind of attitude??

edit: wow I was not expecting this much discourse to come from this post. I’m glad to see comments as outraged/taken aback as I was. Some other people…y’all need to take a few deep breaths. I find it funny i’m being accused of making this up because stuff like this though shocking, is not unheard of or even out of the ordinary in the south. If you live here but don’t see it, your eyes are closed and you’re not really listening. For everyone saying this holiday is bogus, it wasn’t bogus for my coworker, hence why he put the sign. Many of the younger kids coming in weren’t aware of what Juneteenth was and we got to watch their parents (at least the good ones) explain the history, so that’s one positive thing that came from at least our tiny bit of celebration of the holiday. Hopefully y’all can overcome the rightvsleft bs for a day and look at the goodness that comes from celebrating freedom in a country that calls itself the land of the free

I (26M) moved from Pakistan to the US six years ago and met my wife (24F) two years later. We’ve been married for a year and are expecting our first child. She's a third-generation Pakistani American Muslim who had little exposure to Pakistan or other Pakistani people before meeting me. We’re both non-practicing Muslims

I visit Pakistan yearly to see my family. I used to go alone while we were dating since my parents didn’t know about us, but once we got married, I told them. Surprisingly, they accepted her easily.

This year, my wife wanted to come with me to explore her roots, inspired by YouTube vlogs about northern Pakistan. We had discussed her coming before, but I’d mainly told her negative things about the country—how sexist it is and how poorly women are treated, which is true and one reason I left.

Honestly, I was also a little embarrassed about her finding out where I grew up. I was pretty poor in Pakistan, living in a bad part of the city, while she’s from a wealthy American family. Yes, it’s a douchey thing to say, but I was embarrassed.

I told her she could come but would need to cover up (hijab) and hide her opinions from my relatives. She said her online Pakistani friends told her hijab isn’t necessary, especially if you’re from the upper-middle class or upper class, which most of her friends are.

I agreed she didn’t have to wear hijab but should wear shalwar kameez (traditional Pakistani attire) and be prepared for a lot of stares.

We landed in Pakistan, upon arrival in Lahore, she was overwhelmed by the pollution and the large welcoming party of relatives. The next day, she went for a walk alone without telling anyone, causing panic as it’s uncommon for women to go out alone. My parents advised her, but my father’s tone was harsh. She was upset by the stares and my father’s reaction. I told her I had warned her about this.

During our stay, some relatives made sexist comments about hijab and a woman’s role in marriage, mostly when women were alone. They said things like, "You should start wearing hijab, it's compulsory in Islam," or "You should take care of your husband well/serve him." A religious auntie said, "The Prophet said the woman who talks back to her husband won't even smell paradise's scent," when she saw my wife talking a little rudely to me. These comments were made by female elders when the women in my family and she were alone, so I couldn’t intervene. My wife told me about these incidents after we returned to the US. Honestly, I wouldn’t have stood up for her there anyway because there’s no way I could change those people's opinions. I just wanted to spend the short time there peacefully and come back.

Now that we’re back, she said I should have stood up for her, and she felt like an object there. I said I had warned her what would happen, but she didn’t listen. She’s still mad after a week, accusing me of not standing by her.

My father expects me to move my sister in and take care of her like a child or something. My sister (37) is more than capable of getting a job and becoming an adult but everyone always allowed her to get away with being childish. She is healthy and mentally all there (just never had a job or license) she lives with our mother, who's health is no longer great. I'm 39 and have 3 kids and work 60+ hrs a week. I have no plans or interest in raising or taking care of anyone else. I already take our mother to her drs. And other appointments. I bring her meals and make sure she is taking her meds. Recently my father asked what I was going to do about my sis when our mother passes...( she had a bad health scare and was in the hospital for weeks. ) He knew I was bringing groceries to my sis and making sure bills were paid while she was in the hospital. I told him she can live on the streets. He got upset and said I can't do that to her. Told him I have no plans on taking care of anymore people. Did that since I was a child. ( our mother has mental health issues and his father, our grandfather lived with us and I took care of him. Cooking meals, cleaning his room and doing his laundry ) Told him if he didn't want her to be homeless then he can move her in. ( his wife won't allow that ) He thinks I'm being unreasonable and cruel. I told think she is my problem. But am I the asshole for feeling that way?

You’d be forgiven for forgetting that the copa America is even taking place in the United States, you don’t see host cities going all out, decorations or anything across the country right now. What’s the deal and was it a mistake choosing the US to host the next World Cup? I’m curios to understand this as a European where right now the continent has come to a stand still with the Euros, Germany the host nation has went all out to deliver a great tournament and everywhere you go in England you see flags everywhere, same with Scotland. Don’t see the same with America where they are literally the host nation and will want to make home advantage count to go far in the completion and potentially win the trophy. You look at American news media and there’s little to no mention of the copa America, what’s the deal here?

In 2018 my boyfriend of 2 years snapped. In one night he beat up his dad, shot his brother, and then killed himself in front of me and 2 other people.

AMA.

I (34M) have been married to my wife (32F) for 6 years and we also have 2 children aged 12 and 14. Throughout our entire relationship, I have only celebrated Father’s Day with my wife when I actually reminded her it was Father’s Day a few days before so she didn’t forget. 

However, I always hoped that I didn’t have to remind her and that she would just surprise me without needing reminding. This past Father’s Day, when I woke up in the morning, I realized that my wife again forgot it was Father’s Day, and neither did my children know it was Father’s Day.

To be honest, I felt a bit hurt but carried on with my day as normal. However, in the afternoon, my sister texted and wished me and asked if I wanted to get dinner that evening. I was initially surprised that my sister would wish me but then I realized that I have been venting to her about how I feel neglected by my wife, especially on Father’s Day.

That evening, I was getting ready for Dinner, and when my wife asked me where I was going, I told her that I was have dinner with my sister to celebrate Father’s Day. My wife then instantly apologized for forgetting and she seemed very regretful, but I told her I don’t care, and to just not bother me or text me till I came home.

I picked a really fancy place for dinner, and had a great dinner. My sister wanted to pay but I obviously wasn’t going to allow it. I just felt really happy that someone had wished me for Father’s Day. I took pictures of us and the dinner and everything. 

When I got home that night, my wife was curious about how everything was so I showed her the pictures and talked about how everything was amazing. She said she was happy that I had a great day, but she seemed a bit sad and didn’t talk much the rest of the night. She seemed sad the next day too.

Was I the AH?

We recently took in our niece for the summer. Our kids all get $30 a week so we decided we would give her that as well. Since she's been getting the money she has been spending it entirely on junk food. She was already overweight when she moved in and she didn't get an allowance before so we don't want to contribute to making this issue worse while she is with us. We tried to tell her that she couldn't use the money to buy so much junk food, but she still did and would hide it. So we decided we would put her allowance money aside and if she wants to buy something we will take her to buy it provided it isn't junk food. She got extremely upset by this idea and feels like its unfair that our kids get unrestricted money an get privacy about what they buy, but they don't spend all the money on junk food.

Update: I’m going to look into therapy for her.

My friend (24F) and I (24F) have been friends for over four years. We'll call her Mia. This incident happened towards the end of February this year.

Mia and I had decided to meet up for drinks and tapas, to catch up, after we hadn't seen each other since the beginning of January. Everything was going well on the girls day out until Mia started getting tipsy.

I had shown her a picture of the Valentine's day setup my boyfriend had done for me two weeks prior. I don't really post on socials anymore so this was her first time seeing it. Her whole aura completely changed. The conversation started getting confrontational and Mia asked why had I not been checking up on her, and how I had been putting our friendship on the back burner. She accused me of not being able to balance a boyfriend and my friendships.

To add more context, when I had seen Mia in January it was during her stay at a mental health centre. She had mentioned needing a breather, so I picked her up from the facilities and we spent a day by the beach. After this day our WhatsApp conversations were sparse with me checking if she's still alright and vice verse.

Early February I had a familial issue I was dealing with and completely went quiet on all my acquaintances and friends. This was excluding my boyfriend who I basically live with at this point. I'm guessing she saw the Valentine's day pictures and thought clearly you were present enough to celebrate that.

Back to the girls day out; her mood is now completely flipped. She grabs the plate of food I'm eating from and says "you're not getting this until you explain why you abandoned me". Mind you the people around us at the bar are looking at us now. I tell her this is very immature, send her my portion of the bill and leave.

She calls me multiple times after I leave and texts asking "what's up?". She eventually sends a text, a couple of days later, apologising for her behaviour.

I guess my mistake was responding to the text four days later accepting the apology, because we have not spoken since.