I (23f) have a 4-month old son, E, with my partner (28m), C. C's brother is D (25m). D has a 1 year old son, S, with T (24f).
This story requires a bit of back story so please bare with me.
T & D dated for not quite a year in 2022-2023. T cheated on D multiple times throughout the relationship, often claiming SA but would film the encounters and post them on OF. She ended up giving D an STD and they eventually broke up. Around this time, T found out she was pregnant with our nephew.
There were multiple options for the father, but T was adamant D was the only option. T made a point to frequently text D's mom regarding the situation - even letting her know at one point she would be aborting the child (she obviously did not do this.).
Fast forward to the child being born, they got a DNA test and the child was D's. We were all a little shell shocked. But we were all determined to be there for the child, including D. D, however, has a mental illness that requires him to be on disability and is not able to be unsupervised for long periods of time with his son. This is well known and was discussed prior between T & D as a reason why D did not want children.
T has another child from a previous relationship (5m), and was not on birth control at the time of their relationship.
My relationship with T has been rocky at best. A few incidents include:
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T finding out through my work (a daycare centre she was on the board of - I am the director) about my pregnancy, breaking confidentiality and announcing it to people before I had,
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T trying to use her position on the board to influence my hours, gain information about me and spread it, and control my position (she was just a member at large, who was soon dismissed due to her actions against me and other staff)
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attempting to talk ill of me to my mother in law,
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threatening that her friends would fight me due to my partner questioning her treatment of her children (she is the type of mother to ditch her kids and go out every weekend/ drink all night then breastfeed)
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her telling me I am controlling and unsafe because she asked D to have a conversation with her in private regarding their child and I advised him to take a support person as a witness with him as she has falsely accused him of being violent before (I also told her she should do the same. She wanted to bring someone and have him show up alone.)
Edited to add (not that the prior list wasn't enough character establishing info):
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She has once complained about barely affording diapers and needing to fix her car. That same weekend she went to an all-weekend sex convention in the city with her friends and her friends posted pictures of them all at lavish restaurants and shopping.
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She frequently uses social media to berate D and his family but dodges accountability when confronted by saying they're "shitposts" and "if anyone feels they are being called out they need to look at themselves and ask why". Post include calling her baby daddy a deadbeat and anyone who supports him just as bad.
Now to this story:
T approached me when her son was 6 months about watching S when he turned 10 months until he was old enough to go to daycare (18 months at the centre I run). I thought about our tumultuous relationship but wanted to put it all in the past and have our children grow up together as cousins. I told her I would do it monday-friday 6am-4pm. My mother in law, knowing I would have a young infant, volunteered to split it with me. I ended up watching him 2-3 days a week, and her 2-3 days a week as well. None of this was paid, it was all done as a favour. I never once received a thank you. However, she fawns all over my mother in law frequently.
My mother in law actually ended up having S 10+ more hours per week on weekends or evenings so T could go to the gym or out with her friends for the night, and I ended up having both of her children about twice a month on the weekends.
The issues started when it became clear that S was a velcro baby with absolutely no sleep schedule. I understand that happens. However, I've worked with kids long enough to know that it's something that needs to be fixed as best as possible with cooperation from home. T refused to do any sort of sleep schedule training with S, or do anything to resolve his need to be carried 24/7.
This meant everytime I watched S, he would scream constantly because I could not physically hold him constantly - as I had a young infant as well. I would try to sit down with him while feeding my child, but he would often scratch my child or hit him/pull him and try to climb over him. This is something he also does when my mother in law holds my child. I know this is something children close in age go through, but nonetheless it made it hard.
Now, the covid situation.
At the beginning of the week T dropped off S at the normal 6-6:15am time. Normally she stands in the doorway and chats about whatever gossip she has and complains about D. This day, as soon as she walked in she dropped S off, he started screaming, she mumbled "uh. I gotta go." And left.
I took S out of his carseat and placed him in the playpen so I could go wake my son. However, before I could go get my son I noticed S sounded off. I went into the play pen (we have one of the large floor ones) and sat with him. His nose was runny, his eyes were red, and he was clearly upset. I gave him a cuddle and some milk and decided I'd let my son sleep and see if S was okay.
He started coughing and sneezing and looked so tired, within 20 minutes he passed out on my lap coughing. I texted T to ask if he was sick. I also texted MIL to find out how he felt the last time she had him. MIL said that T let her know the older brother had a fever last week and kept S home for a day and a half. (MIL is a people pleaser, 65+, hates drama, and didn't give me more than that.). T texted me to say he wasn't sick.
When he woke up, I took his temperature after waiting a while and he was approaching a fever. That plus his cough and runny nose kept getting worse. I let T know I didn't feel comfortable having him near my small infant and she would have to come pick him up. I told her he was sick and my child had never been sick before, and I didn't want the first time to be now during a sleep regression (the infamous 4 month sleep regression hit us hard.)
She didn't respond, instead I got a call from my MIL stating T had asked her to pick up S. I told her I didn't think that was fair as he was sick and she admitted that he had already gotten her sick last week so she was fine with it. She came to pick up S, I let MIL know I didnt appreciate being blindsided with a sick kid when I have a small infant. She admitted she thought T would have talked to me if he hadnt gotten better over the weekend and we could have worked something else out for his care
I went on to ask around if anyone knew if S had been sick. I found out from a family member of her older son's, that S and his brother had covid. They tested positive 5 days before. I informed my MIL and she immediately picked up covid tests. She tested positive. She seemed completely shocked and apologetic, she said she wished she would have known or volunteered to have him at her place if he didn't get better over the weekend (she thought they had a cold.). I also found out that T had dropped S off with my MIL the day after he tested positive, knowing he had, and said nothing other than "I can't afford to miss work.".
I texted T to inform her I knew of the covid and felt very disrespected and blindsided. I told her I deserved a conversation asking if I was comfortable with a covid positive child in my house with my infant. Her response was that it was not on her because I didn't communicate that "a condition of me watching him was that he didn't have a hint of being under the weather.".
She also stated it wasn't her fault because MIL knew and could have told me. At this point I was pretty upset and I told her she would no longer have our support if she couldn't show my family the same consideration we tried to show her despite how disrespectful she has consistently been. She still maintains she isn't responsible and called my reaction a "gross over reaction" because I'm a first time mom.
I have blocked her on everything. My partner says this is long overdue. But she refuses to let her son go to family functions with his father and family, she must be present, so am I the asshole for wanting to cut her out completely and wanting nothing to do with any functions that include her?
She has no other supports, me cutting her off means my MIL will have to watch S full time or my MIL will have to tell her no. Cutting her off completely would involve telling my mother in law we are not going there if she is there. She has made it known she doesnt want to choose sides and lose access to any grandchildren.
Or should I leave it at blocked to avoid drama? OR am I actually over reacting?
Added info: It's been 6 days and me and my son are very sick. My son was in the ER due to high fever and being unable to eat properly due to throat irritation. If he becomes dehydrated further he will need a hospital stay and it could seriously damage him. In addition, we had to miss my cousins wedding due to us all being so sick. This is the worst I've felt having covid and I have had it 3 times (I had surgery last week so my immune system is shot.).
TLDR; my BIL's baby mama knowingly dropped off her covid positive kid to my house with my 4 month old infant, refused to pick him up, blamed me for not telling her I didn't want to take a sick kid, and I want to completely cut her off. AITA?