Louisiana Wants to Put a Sign About Fucking in Kindergarten Classrooms

The state of Louisiana, with its overwhelmingly batshit insane Republican legislature and its even more bugfuck insane Republican governor, have passed a law that requires all public-funded schools, including universities, to display the Ten Commandments in every classroom. In case you don't know, the Ten Commandments are from the fictional book known as "The Bible." In that epic novel, a character named Moses is given stone tablets by the character God containing ten pretty simplistic, common sense ideas, the kind of shit that fiction writers make seem way more meaningful than it actually is. I mean, c'mon, "thou shalt not kill"? No shit. Ooh, look at the big brain on God. Any fuckin' idiot knows not to kill or steal. But, sure, let's all pretend like this is some huge fuckin' revelation. Oh, and only Christians and Jews give a flying fuck about what's in this Bible thing. All other faiths and atheists can fuck off.

The law itself is completely fucking mad. This is an actual quote from the law: "At a minimum, the Ten Commandments shall be displayed on a poster or framed document that is at least eleven inches by fourteen inches. The text of the Ten Commandments shall be the central focus of the poster or framed document and shall be printed in a large, easily readable font." There aren't enough jacking-off gestures to make at that. 

It gives the exact language that must be used on the Ten Commandments posters that, again, are supposed to be in every public school classroom. And it's some old school King James shit, as in "Honor thy father and thy mother, that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee" and "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his cattle, nor anything that is thy neighbor's." That is really in a real law passed by real adults in the real 21st-century in a real state in this increasingly unreal country. 

And, interestingly, it includes, "Thou shalt not commit adultery." According to every religious scholar I bothered to read for this, that commandment is about fucking. Don't fuck someone else's spouse. Or, conversely, if you're married, don't fuck anyone not your spouse. You can say it's about other things, too, but that doesn't take away from the fact that the Seventh Commandment is clearly and intentionally about intercourse. The act of sex. Fucking. 

The state of Louisiana has said that "Each public school governing authority and the governing authority of each nonpublic school that receives state funds shall display the Ten Commandments in each building it uses and classroom in each school under its jurisdiction." So it has to go up, with this required language, in the classrooms of pre-K kids, kindergarteners, and first graders. Which means that "Thou shalt not commit adultery" will be right there in front of thousands of Louisiana's small children. 

Lemme state this as clearly as possible: the Republican governor and the Republican legislature of Louisiana are forcing kids as young as four years-old to be faced, every single day they are in school, with a poster-sized list of rules that includes no fucking outside of marriage. 

Children being children, I think they might have questions about this whole "adultery" thing. How will those questions be answered? Will the teacher be allowed to say, "According to God, your mommy shouldn't have sex with your best friend's mommy or daddy"? Will they explain sex? Will they be allowed to explain sex? Louisiana law says that you can't teach about fucking until 7th grade (unless you live in New Orleans, where it's third grade. No, really). The teacher couldn't hand a child a book about adultery, like, say, the works of Louisiana writer Kate Chopin. That would likely run afoul of other laws that prevent children from having access to reading material that contains anything that's sexually explicit. Except, I guess, "Don't fuck around on your spouse" being on the wall in your 5 year-old's music classroom. Let alone "manservant" and "maidservant." 

The stupidest part of this whole thing is that Louisiana is almost always on the bottom of the nation when it comes to education, and this is the the shit that the politicians wasted their time on. It's also the kind of shit that happens when you no longer have a Democratic governor to occasionally say, "Knock it off, right-wing fuckers." This was done to please a core constituency of Christian zealots and to keep them donating to support their dickhole legislators who probably break half of the commandments before lunch. 

And part of that little performance is to make sure that the ACLU sues so the dickholes can act like they are standing up to the big city liberals. Of course, the ACLU is suing, along with other organizations, because this is a blatant establishment of religion by a government using public funds. So instead of spending the money to make their children a little smarter than their parents, millions of dollars will be wasted on years of litigation in the hopes that the Supreme Court will be deluded and Jesus-humping enough to allow this fuckery to happen. 

As someone from Louisiana, who went to public schools in Louisiana, who was a student when Louisiana had its teaching of creationism shot down by the Supreme Court, this is just fucking embarrassing, like the red states have to compete with each other to show that they are the most evangelical fucknuts in the whole Christian nationalist asylum and Louisiana just pulled ahead in the moron race.

One thing I look forward to is that if the Ten Commandments posters are ever installed in every classroom, they will have dicks drawn on them inside 2 days of being put up. I believe in the children. 

It Wasn't Just Sharks. The Rest of That Trump Speech Was Batshit, Too.

When rapist and convicted felon Donald Trump spoke at a heat stroke-inducing rally in Las Vegas on Sunday, his teleprompter was fucking up and he was forced to go almost totally off the cuff. A wiser man might have read from a prepared speech, a printout of which was no doubt available to him. But Donald Trump is not a wise man. He's a goddamned idiot who thinks that every word he pisses out is like a fuckin' sermon from Jesus himself. And his followers are willing to go to the hospital to get sprayed with his incoherent streams and declare them showers of gold. 

Surely, you have heard about how Trump told some fake fuckin' story about asking an obviously confused boat maker about electrocution by boat battery in the ocean or getting eaten by sharks, as if that's something that anyone has ever had to decide ever or ever would have to decide. In the non-Trumpian, real world, that would be enough to have him led back to a home for the elderly and have him sat in front of a TV playing Fox "news" and giving him a double scoop of ice cream filled with Xanax to keep him calm. 

You've heard the story discussed as more evidence of his decline into gibberish. But you haven't really heard about the rest of the speech. And that's a shame because it's equally deranged, ranging from What-the-fucking-fuck moments to utter dickishness to tangents upon tangents within tangents that demonstrate an inability to coherently keep to a point. Lemme give you a few examples.

Early on, Trump declared that President Biden's shift on immigration is "bullshit," which made the idiot horde of 6900 overheated MAGA blobs chant, "Bullshit!" over and over. Trump responded, "Wow, that’s turning out to be like deplorable. Remember deplorable, when Hillary said deplorable? She said deplorable. And that was not good. That was not a good word to use. This word seems to be catching on a little bit, but in a much more positive way than deplorable. That was not good. She actually said deplorable and irredeemable. Do you remember? And I heard it, and I said, 'Wow, that irredeemable is really a bad word,' and it didn’t catch on. What caught on was deplorable. So what the hell do I know about politics, right?" Hillary Clinton was invoked at least four times in the speech, like a hit song that he had to play, even though she has nothing to do with this current presidential cycle. 

Trump is obsessed with degrading Biden's physicality because it's just so obvious that Biden's in better shape than whatever amorphous gelatin sack he is under his terrible-fitting suits. I mean, this is some jealous bitch shit: "If this guy just, you know he goes to the beach all the time. Somebody thinks he looks good in a bathing suit; I don’t think so. And he has that little chair that weighs about seven ounces. It’s meant so children can lift it and very old people can lift it."

He kept bringing up how fucking hot it was, and he was just an asshole about it: "And now, by the way, it’s 110, but it doesn’t feel it to me, right? So we’ll stay out here for a little while. If anybody gets tired, you’ll let me know. And if anybody goes down, if you start going down, we have people, they’ll pick you up right away. They’ll throw water. They were so worried. Everybody was so worried yesterday about you, and they never mentioned me. I’m up here sweating like a dog. The Secret Service said, 'We have to make sure everyone’s safe.' I said, What about me? 'Oh, we never thought of that.' They don’t think about me. I’m working my ass off. I’m working hard. This is hard work." No, motherfucker. Talking for an hour when you could have fucking canceled the whole event isn't hard work. It's being a narcissistic prick who couldn't stand to not have a chance to prance around a stage in front of fawning fucknuts, even if it's miserable out. 

Here's a new Trump fact, which means "fucking lie" to most of us: "Virtually 100% of the new jobs under Biden have also gone to illegal aliens. Did you know that? 100%. And these people, are so bad they will correct me when I say 100%. 100% of the new jobs have gone to illegal aliens. Can you believe it? And that’s where we are." I have no clue where he got this other than from his infected ass. Suffice to say, if this were the case, wages would not be rising, among other real world implications. It's just a fucked thing to assert.  

Okay, see if you can follow this train of thought. This is not edited at all. I mean, kudos for returning to the subject at hand - immigration - but what the fuck, man? "That border is so meaningless. They just walk right through. They go right through the so-called border states, and they end up in Iowa. They end up in Idaho. Remember when Joe said it’s great to be in Idaho? And he was in Iowa. He always does that. If I ever did that, it would be over. They’d say that’s the end of his political career. He’s cognitively impaired. Oh, no, no. I had a second test. I aced it. I aced both of them. Not easy to ace. Biden should have a cognitive test, number one. They say it’s unconstitutional. That’s a good excuse. He should have a cognitive test. And before the debate in two weeks, he should take a drug test because I’m willing to take one. So Nevada’s being turned into a dumping ground, and you are." That's not even the worst of his flights of insanity. 

He also called Special Counsel Jack Smith a "dumb son of a bitch" and said that the first thing he'd do in office is eliminate the tax on tips for service industry workers and that the first thing he'd do in office is close the border. In one incredibly incoherent ramble, Trump started on electric cars, then veered into Roger Penske's success at the Indianapolis 500, then veered into his generals and his "defeat" of ISIS, then veered into bitching about the teleprompter and how people accuse him of not paying people, then veered into the "stolen" 2020 election, then veered into how much he gets in campaign donations, then veered into his indictments, then veered into how dumb he thinks Biden is and how Biden supposedly stole more records than he did, then veered into the whole electric boats and sharks thing, then veered into trans women in women's sports, then veered into more about the border, then veered back to the difference between electric and hybrid cars, then veered into how China executes drug dealers (and maybe users - the policy in his telling was unclear), then veered into being upset that he's mocked for how he walks on stairs before mocking Joe Biden's age, then veered into...

I'm not making this up. And apparently this oblivious, incomprehensible stream-of-consciousness is how he talked to congressional Republicans today, where not a one said an on-the-record negative word.

Again, it needs to be said that, yes, Joe Biden is an old man. But he is not completely disassociated from reality like Trump so obviously is. And that point needs to be hammered again and again. It's not just that Trump's a danger because he'll become a dictator. It's that he's dangerous because he's too out of it to be a real dictator and the competent fascists will be running the joint. 

Conservative Plans for a Next Trump Presidency Are Dumb and Frightening

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The nutzoid right-wing Heritage Foundation (motto: "Putting 'White' before 'Heritage' would be too obvious") has this thing called Project 2025, which is a bunch of extremist lunatics saying that a next Trump presidency would be a "unique opportunity for conservatives to start undoing the damage the Left has wrought and build a better country for all Americans in 2025." In other words, rawdogging democracy and freedom until they're festering with fascist syph. 

They've created an 887-page (no, really) guidebook of the MAGA hell that they want to ensue if the Retrumpening comes to fruition. Titled Mandate for Leadership: The Conservative Promise, it's nothing less than a complete tearing down of the modern government and rebuilding it in the image of the worst motherfuckers who appear on Steve Bannon's shitty podcast of doom. It's filled with all kinds of fuckery, from firing long-term civil servants and replacing them with MAGA-certified drones to fucking up the climate even more to destroying anyone who even breathes about diversity to way more. Again, it's 887 pages of this shit. 

And some of it gets downright weird. 

For instance, I don't know why pornography shows up in this at all. But it fucking well does: "Pornography, manifested today in the omnipresent propagation of transgender ideology and sexualization of children, for instance, is not a political Gordian knot inextricably binding up disparate claims about free speech, property rights, sexual liberation, and child welfare. It has no claim to First Amendment protection. Its purveyors are child predators and misogynistic exploiters of women. Their product is as addictive as any illicit drug and as psychologically destructive as any crime. Pornography should be outlawed. The people who produce and distribute it should be imprisoned. Educators and public librarians who purvey it should be classed as registered sex offenders. And telecommunications and technology firms that facilitate its spread should be shuttered."

Putting aside that transgender porn is still a fairly small niche category compared to, say, cis het cream pies, the obvious questions are what is porn and who gets to decide. Right now, actual adults are screaming about a bare ass in a kid's book and calling it "porn," which definitely says more about the accuser than it does about the author or librarian. But if a town decides that naked butt cheeks in Dr. Seuss is the same as a 69ing rim job, then the school librarian would have to be considered the same as a rapist or a public masturbator, which is really what all this is anyways. And what about Matt Gaetz going around and showing nude photos of women he's fucking? That seems porn-y, too. He took the photos, so he has to go to prison, which, well, okay, I'm actually good with that. But only for Matt Gaetz. It's just a fucking weird thing to have in your encyclopedic manifesto of how repressive you want shit to be when the presumed leader of this fucked, you know, porn stars.

I promise you that I haven't read the whole thing because it's just deranged. It's like a teen incel's attempt at political shitposting: "The next conservative President must make the institutions of American civil society hard targets for woke culture warriors. This starts with deleting the terms sexual orientation and gender identity ('SOGI'), diversity, equity, and inclusion ('DEI'), gender, gender equality, gender equity, gender awareness, gender-sensitive, abortion, reproductive health, reproductive rights, and any other term used to deprive Americans of their First Amendment rights out of every federal rule, agency regulation, contract, grant, regulation, and piece of legislation that exists." What the ever-fucking fuck? The word "gender" deprives people of their First Amendment rights? These pricks are just angry that they got Bs in their freshman sociology classes.

It's all there, all the bullshit they've been spouting for years, decades even, like the wishlist of a deranged monster built from parts of Reagan, W, and Trump. Get rid of the Department of Education. Close the border. Fire anyone who even smells like DEI or ESG. Ban abortion. And on and on.

If any left-wing organization put out something like this, it would become the evillest thing every written in the history of forever, the Green New Deal crossed with the Communist Manifesto times The Autobiography of Malcolm X. It would be the only thing talked about on Fox "news" and its devolved descendant networks. They'd call it "P25" or something that sounds sinister and Deep State-ish, like a cabal of blood drinkers and child fuckers are creating a wormhole to a nightmare plain of existence. Every single Republican would be bringing it up every chance they had, and the febrile media, desperate to remain relevant, would ask every Democrat where they stand on P25. 

And what I don't fucking get is why Democrats don't do that right now to Republicans. Why don't they quote shit like "Because liberal states have now become sanctuaries for abortion tourism, HHS should use every available tool, including the cutting of funds, to ensure that every state reports exactly how many abortions take place within its borders, at what gestational age of the child, for what reason, the mother’s state of residence, and by what method" and use that to say how Republicans want to come after women for getting abortions in other states? Why don't they quote how NOAA is "a colossal operation that has become one of the main drivers of the climate change alarm industry and, as such, is harmful to future U.S. prosperity" and "The preponderance of its climate-change research should be disbanded"? 

It's all fucking nuts, and it's all there in an unwieldy dream journal of future fascists of America. We should make it the new CRT. Whenever people hear "P25," they should cringe. And, as ever, we have the benefit of telling the truth about this insanity, unlike the abject liars we're attacking.

(Seriously, come sign up for the Patreon. I dive into speeches and court cases and other documents. I explore the fuckery of right-wing online groups, as well as members of Congress. And sometimes I just wanna tell a goddamn story. It's extra rudeness every week.)

18 Quick Takes on 34 Convictions

1. I was at a pub in London when I saw the news that rapist Donald Trump was convicted of 34 felony counts of falsifying business records. A few beers in and sitting with a couple of other Americans, we let out a cheer and an exhale of relief. If I hadn't already been drunk, I'd've gotten drunk because fuck, yeah.

2. No, this isn't the end of anything. But it's a good damn start. I've long said that Trump being found guilty in one case would signal to other juries that he's not untouchable, that he doesn't get away with everything. Let this start a cascade of consequences. 

3. Again, lots of shit can happen before Trump spends a day in prison (including Judge Merchan not sentencing Trump to prison), but, at this point, the system works. A judicial system that seemed incapable of holding Trump to account for crimes actually worked.

4. If regular people can easily understand the complexities of this case and find him guilty, imagine how easy it's gonna be if, say, the Georgia case or the documents case ever go to trial. That shit's simple. If this was Ulysses, the documents case is the fucking Cat in the Hat. 

5. Give some motherfuckin' respect to Stormy Daniels. She's been put through hell by Trump's goons and his idiot hordes of MAGA fucknuts. She's gonna have to endure that bullshit for the rest of her life. But she sat on that stand and told Trump and his attorney to go fuck themselves. And the jury obviously took a porn star's word over a former president's about whether or not they fucked. Or, more accurately, whether or not Trump fucked her badly.

6. Speaking of Daniels, did Trump have so little juice with NBC that he couldn't have gotten her on The Celebrity Apprentice? Fuckin' Victoria Gotti was a contestant. Daniels wouldn't have been a big swing. Either he was too stupid to realize that he could avoid a whole lot of trouble by casting her or NBC thought he was a little bitch and ignored him. 

7. Michael Cohen is a skeevy son of a bitch and a prick and a half, but he isn't dumb. He wasn't going to lie on the stand again. If anyone involved was a character out of a tragedy, someone worthy of a bit of pity, it was Cohen, who must be relishing this moment with the glee that can only come when you know you're responsible for destroying the person who destroyed you.

8. I'm honestly afraid for Judge Merchan, his family (especially his daughter),  Alvin Bragg, the jurors, and the witnesses because it just takes a couple of Trump's delusional mongrels to get murdery. That's how goddamned low Trump has brought this country.

9. Lemme address the MAGA freaks: have some self-respect, you fucking losers. Go support any of a hundred other Republican dickheads who are as racist and stupid as you are but aren't convicted felons and rapists. Walk the fuck away already.

10. I know you won't because you're such self-hating fucking dumbasses, but I thought I'd suggest it.

11. Seriously, how fucking sorry-ass do you need to be to sit there and think that every single juror, members of the law enforcement, judges, and officials are all in a massive conspiracy, that everything is "rigged," rather than just fucking accepting that the cockscab is a criminal and you've been suckered?

12. Of course, it's also entirely possible they love criminal cockscabs and, well, nothing to be done about that.

13. Yes, let's rub their stupid faces in it. They would have done the same if the verdict had gone differently.

14. As for elected Republicans, don't fucking talk to us about how you're tough on crime when you're going to nominate a convicted felon for president. You're filthy liars and raging hypocrites. Fuck all the way off. And don't fucking talk about how he can appeal. If Joe Biden had been found guilty of speeding, you'd have wanted to impeach him, you craven bitches who are begging for a chance to be Trump's diaper.

15. However...you have a chance here to ditch him. But you won't because you fear the aforementioned fucknuts. 

16. Don't get me started on Trump's attorneys. Try to get paid from that cheap, vengeful twatmite.

17. It's pretty stupid that Trump will likely not be able to vote in the 2024 election but he can run for and be elected president. That's a big damn hole in the law that needs to be fixed. 

18. God, Trump's gonna be a whiny motherfucker for the rest of his life. His imprisonment would give us all a chance to breathe again and recalibrate our sense of the nation and ourselves. 

I'll have more to say after I'm done celebrating this moment while we can celebrate. Now and forever, Donald Trump is the first president convicted of felonies. Let's get drunk, get high, dance madly, orgasm with abandon, and howl at the skies like wild, strong beasts. Enjoy it while we can. We may get to keep this party going, but if it ends, let's have this.

A Poem for Memorial Day

Ten Years Gone

by Toby Hartbarger

Ten years gone, 19 years old and naive

back flat against red Georgia clay-dirt

which wicks the sweat from my Army P.T. shirt

legs at roughly a 45 degree angle from the ground

hands to my sides, or tucked beneath my back

to protect a sore that had formed over my tailbone

teeth clenched and lightly caked with dust

eyes shut tight to avoid the relentless southern sun

and the frequent streams of sweat that run down my face

into a pool forming at the base of my neck

mind still full of the bullshit one believes

prior to knowing much of anything

unaware that by nine years gone

a different soil would claim my water

Nine years gone, 20 years old and a bigot

seated on the gunner’s strap of a soft-skinned HMMWV

in Baghdad Iraq, the air apparent

radiating off buff colored buildings and yellowed Mercedes

fenders, quarter panels, and doors painted odd colors

or as often, simply removed

my whole world seemed caked with dust

fearful gaze fixed fast on anything and everything but

frequent streams of five-five-six could make me scream

fuck no, I’m not afraid!

mind so full of the hatred one acquires

following fear and death and failure

praying that by eight years gone

a different soil might claim my water

Eight years gone, 21 years old and tired

lead foot flat against that Chevrolet floorboard

attempting to feel something worthwhile

something but the numbness and the nothing, just this nothing

and the thought that all of life’s pleasures and pains

may rightfully be retained from someone like me

ever recollecting how heinous I could be

knowing of a part of me I’d rather not have seen so

frequent dreams of who I’d been came crashing back at me

and into the hollow forming at the core of me

mind now full of the resentment one compounds

following loss without grief or healing

without concern for “life goes on”

that the earth continues to claim our water

My younger years gone, years older, still alive

feet feeling the sand, wading into warm water

fishing pole over my shoulder on a lake in fair Michigan

wind at my back, sweet scent of honeysuckle

my line flies fine, shot fired with great accuracy

the tug and the feel of the lure as I reel, heals me

eyes silently searching for the eddies and stills

for my next opportunity

I frequent streams, the calm it brings makes me sing

fuck no, I’m not afraid

mind now equipped with the wisdom one acquires

having survived the times that try you

with the utmost concern that life should go on

that the earth may continue to cleanse with her water 

(This poem comes from Warrior Writers, a non-profit organization that teaches and gives space for veterans to write and create art about their experiences. You can donate here.)

Other Things Martha-Ann Alito Will Do If She's Mad at the Neighbors

Apparently, if you call Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito's wife, Martha-Ann, a "c-word" that rhymes with "runt," she'll fly the American flag upside-down at the Alitos' house in sympathy with election deniers. And Alito won't deny that that's what it was for; he'll just sigh and say, in essence, "Well, the little woman was made to feel bad so she did a treason." So I guess that she just reacts in the weirdest ways when someone says something mean or puts up a sign that upsets her. She has it all worked out: 

1. If you call her a "bitch," she'll fly a Nazi flag at her house.

2. If you put up a Black Lives Matter sign, she'll come to the neighborhood cookout in a Klan robe.

3. If you say her husband is responsible for killing women, she'll fly the flag of Gilead. 

4. If you put up a yard sign for Joe Biden, she'll piss the word "Trump" on your lawn.

5. If you put up a sign that mentions Kamala Harris, she'll burn a cross on your lawn.

6. If you call her a "twat," she'll invite the Proud Boys over and have sex with them on the front porch.

7. If you put up one of those signs that says, "In this house..." in your front yard, she'll get her QAnon friends to invade your basement to look for kidnapped children whose blood you drink. 

8. If you wear a Che Guevara shirt in her neighborhood, she'll get Putin to poison you. 

9. If you put a "Fuck SCOTUS" sign in your yard, she'll shoot your dog and your goat. 

10. If you call her a "fascist," she'll bring you a pound cake and thank you. 

(Note: I've seen that Martha-Ann was called "the c-word." So it could also be "cocksucker" or "cancer," both of which work, too. We're all just assuming it's the one that rhymes with "hunt" and maybe that says a lot about us. And her.)

(Note 2: Blogger wouldn't let me use the actual c-word. So I deleted it. Let's see if this version works.)

Stormy Daniels Is the Hero America Needs

In her testimony and especially in her cross-examination, writer/director/actor Stormy Daniels became the hero that America needs right now. She was on the stand for the prosecution of Donald Trump, a rapist who is also a former president, for falsifying business records to hide the hush money he paid to Daniels for a sexual encounter in 2006. Over the course of two days, first under questioning from Manhattan prosecutor Susan Hoffinger and then under dickish cross-examination from Trump attorney Susan Necheles, Daniels put a human face on what could be a somewhat dry financial crimes case and, in a much larger sense, responded to the complete bullshit of the Trump side with cutting common sense and two feet squarely in reality. 

Like in this exchange with Necheles, where Necheles was trying to say that everything Daniels was doing was just for money:

Q: That motivates you a lot in life, making more money; right?

A: Well, it is the United [States] -- that's what we do here. (Shrugs)

Can't argue with that. And it also is one of those answers that points to how completely idiotic the questions are. Let's not even get into the fact that Necheles's client monetizes everything from a cancer charity to the Bible and sells mugs with his mug shot on them. (Get it? Hilarious.)

In another exchange, Daniels schools Necheles in modern capitalism (and, as I've argued, Daniels is a more successful business person than Trump). Trying to show how much Daniels has monetized her hatred of Trump and her mainstream celebrity because she has been so vociferous in her condemnation of him, Necheles brought up some products that praise Daniels, like a prayer candle.

Q: That's one of the items you sell in your store, something called "Stormy, Saint of Indictments candle"; right? 

A: Yes. That was made from a store in New Orleans.

Q: You're saying that's not you bragging about how you are the Saint of a person who got President Trump indicted?

A:  No. I'm not bragging. I think it's funny that a store made those for me to sell, so I put those on my site.

Q: And you're making $40 on each of those, right?

A: No. I'm actually making about $7.

Yeah, that's how shit works in the real world. You don't make the amount that you're selling something for. That's basic online retailing, Etsy-level shit. Necheles was lying or ignorant, not Daniels.

Daniels honest answers made a mockery of Necheles questions. The lawyer really thought she was going to have a Perry Mason moment of catching Daniels in a lie, openly calling Daniels a liar to bait her in to cracking. But the things Necheles keeps quoting were not said under oath. Who gives a fuck if Daniels didn't tell In Touch magazine the whole truth? Necheles's client is an extravagant liar but refuses to go under oath and face real consequences for lying. Instead, Daniels fucked up Necheles time and again. Look at this exchange where Necheles tried to get Daniels to say everything she's doing is just acting, like Daniels does in the mostly adult films she's in. 

Q: So, you have a lot of experience in making phony stories about sex appear to be real, right?

A: Wow. I'm a -- (Laughter.) That's not how I would put it. The sex in the films, it's very much real. Just like what happened to me in that room [with Trump].

Q: All right. But you're making fictionalized stories about sex; you write those stories?

A: No. The sex is real. The character names might be different, but the sex is very real. That's why it's pornography and that's a B movie...

Q: And you have a lot of experience in memorizing these fictional stories and repeating them; right?

A: I have of experience in repeating stories and of memorizing stories? I do a lot of that, but not just about sex, I'm pretty sure we all can do that.

Q: And you have bragged about how good you are about writing porn movies and writing really good stories and writing really good dialogue; right?

A: Yes.

Q: And now you have a story you have been telling about having sex with President Trump; right?

A: And if that story was untrue, I would have written it to be a lot better. (Laughter.)

Daniels kept on schooling Necheles. When Necheles said Daniels worked in sex clubs, Daniels retorted, "I don't work in sex clubs. I work in strip clubs. So that's a big difference." And she's right. Trust me. It's a huge difference, as anyone who ever inappropriately touched a stripper in a lap dance room has learned. 

Necheles wanted to shame Daniels and her profession. Like a cop asking a rape victim why she wore a mini-skirt to a bar, Trump's lawyer had a fucking nauseating exchange with Daniels, showing a basic misunderstanding of porn, of sex, and of seeing Donald fucking Trump in his underwear. 

Q: So you say you came out of the bathroom and he was on the bed in his T-shirt and boxer shorts; right?

A: Yes.

Q: And, according to you, when you saw him sitting on the bed, you became faint, the room started to spin and the blood left your hands and feet, yes?

A: Yes. It was shock. Surprise.

Q: So just so I can be clear on what you are saying, you've acted and had sex in over 200 porn movies; right?

A: 150-ish, yes.

Q: And there are naked men and naked women having sex, including yourself in those movies; right?

A: Yes.

Q: And, but according to you, seeing a man sitting on a bed, in a T-shirt and boxer shorts, was so upsetting that you got light headed, blood left your hands and feet, and you almost fainted; right?

A: Yes. When you are not expecting a man twice your age to be in their underwear -- I have seen my husband naked almost everyday -- if I came out of the bathroom and it was not my husband and it was Mr. Trump on the bed, I would probably have the same reaction.

The obscenity here isn't Daniels having sex in adult films. It's Necheles asserting that even when Daniels was off the clock, she shouldn't care if random dudes strip for her. That kind of sexist, assaultive shit should have been squashed like a bug by the judge. 

Daniels was a goddamn champ, time and again, correcting Necheles, needling her, and obviously getting under her skin while she was desperately trying to get under Daniels's. 

But the biggest fuckup by Necheles might have been a form that was shown to Daniels and the parties in court. It was a financial form related to Daniels being ordered to pay Trump's attorney fees for a failed defamation case a few years back. As the form was displayed on screens, Daniels whispered to the judge, "This has my address...That's got my address." Daniels was afraid of Trump seeing her address and knowing where she and her daughter live. It freaked her the fuck out. 

Even Judge Merchan saw it and commented to Necheles, "She turned to me, she looked very fearful, and she said, 'That's got my address'...She is very much afraid of this form." Later, when Necheles asked Daniels why she left out information about her daughter's identity on another form, Daniels responded, "I won't fill out information that endangers my family or my daughter, no matter what."

Of course Daniels was freaked out. She had just described to Hoffinger how, in 2011, a man came up to her and her infant daughter in a parking lot in Las Vegas and threatened her, telling her to stop talking about the sexual encounter with Trump. Daniels has implied that Trump was somehow behind it, and even if he wasn't, well, Trump sure likes to make it seem like he's capable of that kind of blatant thuggery. Why wouldn't she be afraid?

That's why Daniels is a goddamned hero. It's not just because she handed Trump's attorney her ass in court. It's also and especially because she is overcoming fear and derision and threats to sit there and take this. It's because Trump dangled the promise of mainstream legitimacy in the skeeviest, most elitist way, promising her that she'd "get out of the trailer park" by sticking with him and being on his bullshit TV show, using power and money to coerce her into accepting having sex with him, and then Trump never came through, and now she's willing to risk herself to make sure everything is taken away from him. 

And I'd love it if in at least some small way, Daniels wants to shove Trump onto the shit heap of history because he promised her dinner in 2006 and he never fucking delivered. 

Q: And you are saying that this was a big deal that you didn't get dinner; right?

A: I was invited. It was dinnertime. I was running hungry, yeah. We talked about ordering food or going down to get food, we never got to eat. It was dinnertime, and we never ate.

Q: And you made a big point of that on numerous interviews; right?

A: Yeah, I went to go to dinner and I didn't get dinner

Fuck, yeah, Stormy Daniels. You deserved dinner and so much more. America owes you big time.