Q&As

I am currently 7 months pregnant and I give my friend a ride to work, I’ve been doing this the last year because they lived 3 minutes away from me when I was in my old apartment, and I continued to do the favor when I moved in with my partner.

I’m going on maternity leave next month and my friend has no idea how she is getting to and from work. She’s been trying to figure it out since I found out I was pregnant but she cannot drive, there are no driving schools nearby, the closest one is 2 hours away, and they have no family to help them.

I said I wish I could help more, but giving her rides while I’m on maternity leave but driving with a newborn at 6 am just isn’t happening.

Today she suggested I ask my partner (my baby’s father) if he would drive her, and I said no I’m not asking. We have to be at work at 6:30 and my partner had to be at work at 7:30, and we live 10/15 minutes from my friend and our job is 20 minutes away from his job and I’m not making my partner wake up earlier than he normally does to get ready for work and drive my friend to work because she can’t find a ride.

She made a joke saying that he should because it’s his fault that I have to go out of work because he got me pregnant and as a friend she would appreciate the favor. I said I wish we could help but I’m not asking him.

She’s upset with me because I won’t even ask, but I already know my partner will say yes because he has people pleaser tendencies so im making the decision for him. Then she brought up how she wouldn’t have taken the job that I helped her get if she knew we wouldn’t be able to carpool anymore, she figured it out when I couldn’t give her rides due to illness or appointments, but now I feel like she’s trying to guilt me and keeps insisting I just ask and won’t drop it.

AITA?

Yesterday, I was at the park with my six-month-old daughter, Emily. It was a nice day, and I was just enjoying some time outside with her. I had her in a stroller, and we were sitting on a bench when this normal crazy looking karen came up to us.

She started making small talk, which was fine at first. But then she started asking all these personal questions about Emily...how old she was, if she was breastfed or bottle fed, stuff like that. It was getting uncomfortable, so I tried to politely end the convo.

Suddenly, she reached into the stroller and picked up Emily without asking. I freaked out and told her to put my baby down. She ignored me and started cooing and making faces at Emily. I was panicking and yelling at her to give my daughter back, but she just wouldn't listen.

In that moment, my protective instincts kicked in. I grabbed Emily out of her arms and pushed her away. She stumbled back, and I slapped her and I think I might have hit her with something because she started bleeding from her nose. She started screaming that I assaulted her and was going to call the police. A crowd started gathering, and some people were telling her she was out of line, while others were looking at me like I was the crazy one.

I got out of there as fast as I could and went straight home. I was shaking and just couldn't believe what had happened. Now I'm worried about what might come next. Did I overreact? Should I have handled it differently?

AITAH for hitting a Karen after she grabbed my baby?

My daughter has a best friend since kindergarten, they are in 7th grade.

This year Sara has gotten quite thin and her mom has come to me saying she isn't eating. My daughter backed this up and said that she picks at her food at school. I thought it was an eating disorder at the time and told my friend to take her to the doctors.

My friend needed to leave for a work trip this week and asked me to watch over her. No big deal, she will stay over for the week. First night I made meatloaf and she ate it. She didn't get sick. The rest of the week anything I made she would eat no issue. She even came back for seconds most meals.

At the end of the week she asked me when my food didn't make her sick. Apparently she only eats TV dinners at home which make her feel like crap. The school food also sometimes makes her sick so she is cautious about it.

My guess is their is an allergen in preservative foods. She needs to get that checked out

I dropped her off and pulled my friend to the side and told her everything. I told her that she really needs to cook and take her to get her allergy checked out. She was not happy I said this and basically called me a jerk for overstepping

AITA? Should I apologize.

I(28F) and my fiance(27M) are planning on getting married in October. We have the dream place that we have always wanted and have most of the planning completed. My father had an affair with his now wife. She has two kids from a previous relationship(6F,8M). My mother did remarry to my step-father, who I have a very close relationship with. My father offered to pay a signifciant amount of money for the wedding and wanted to walk me down the aisle. I told him that I only wanted my step-father to walk me down. He was heartbroken, but understood why I made my choice.

The bigger issue came up when my fiance and I decided to ask my his brother if his daughter(5F) could be the flower girl and she was very excited. I have no contact with my father's wife, so it took me by surprise when she sent me a long text message wanting to know if her daughter could be the flower girl as my father put a ton of money into the wedding. I told her that we had already asked my fiance's niece to be flower girl. His wife started sending me hateful text messages on how I am being ungrateful and this is the least I could do for my father. I told her that I would happily return the money that he gave me for the wedding. She sent me a few more messages calling me an AH and I had enough and blocked her.

My father did reach out and thinks that I should compromise to keep the peace and let the daughter walk with fiance's niece. I told him that I was over all this stress and if this continued, then they would be uninvited to the wedding. I have been receiving calls and texts from my father's side of the family calling me an AH.

AITA for wanting my fiance's niece to be the flower girl than my father's AP daughter?

I'm (21m) the middle child of five siblings. And I always knew my mom treated me very differently from the rest of my siblings. It caused my parents marriage to end because my dad made it very clear he wouldn't tolerate her being so different with me. This was after he tried to figure out why she was so different with me. A few close family knew and said it was PPD from when she had me, that apparently only affected her ability to bond with me and not any of my four siblings, just me, the middle kid. I have a sibling one year younger than me and she bonded with her just fine.

I was a teenager when I got into a fight with mom one day and she accused me of always hating her and never wanting her to be happy. I asked what the fuck she meant by that and she told me that I had to come on the one day she had other plans, that it was bad enough I was overdue when I was born, but I prevented her from reading a book that released that day that she'd made plans to read months in advance. She told me I just had to be born that day so she was too tired to read it on the release day and she was weeks behind. She said I couldn't even be born normally like my siblings and I was a c-section baby. She told me it fucked her plans so bad and I never seemed to care. Then she mentioned how much I cried when she was around and how good I did with dad. She said I made her seem like such a monster and none of my siblings were like that. She told me I clearly always wanted to come between her and dad. She was pretty serious about it too. She said I started fucking her over the day I was born.

It really shocked me when she told me all this. At first I didn't/didn't want to believe it. Dad and I even did a DNA test around that time because we were like, maybe she's making up a dumb reason so we won't know she cheated, but I'm definitely dad's kid. DNA confirmed it.

My relationship with mom is as bad as the day I was born apparently and I get a hard time from some family friends and extended family members who see me not being close with my mom as me being shitty to her for no reason. They put the bad relationship on me and at my grandparents house on Saturday I got so tired of the comments and mom sneering at me the whole time, they I exposed what she said to me when I was a teenager and the blame she put on me being born the wrong day for our bad relationship. Mom half admitted it because she got so angry she verbally lashed out at me. It created a shitshow and some family members think I made a big deal out of nothing but others were disgusted with mom.

I was told I was wrong to expose her like that. Mom told me I had no business doing that. So I ask. AITA?

I (32 F) and my husband (30 M) are expecting our first child this August. We decided to take maternity and paternity leave at the same time so he can help out with my recovery and taking shifts feeding the baby once she arrives.

Some background, I do not have a good relation with my parents so I am not reaching out to my parents who live in the US to come and help out. My sister will be coming to help out for the first week and after I thought me and my husband can manage on our own after my sister leaves. My husband's parents live overseas (Korea) and MIL has offered to come to the states to help out, however I politely rejected the offer as my husband has a disabled brother that needs care 100% of the time in Korea. I do not want to burden her further.

Today my husband was talking with his parents and his plan to take paternity leave. They told him they don't understand why he is taking work off and that I should recover in 1 week at most 2 weeks after giving birth and he wouldn't need to take more time off than that. (I'm thinking this might be a culture difference from America and Korea as Korea might not offer such long time for paternity leave for fathers but I'm not 100% sure). Even just googling how long it takes to recover after childbirth, results show 6~8 weeks but my husband is only listening to his parents advice (his point is since they have experience in giving birth, they are giving solid advice) and reconsidering taking paternity leave for only 2 weeks and going back to work sooner. He would still be paid 3 months and his job is secured after his return so I don't know why he is so eager to go back to work.

AITA for getting upset at my husband for wanting to go back after 2 weeks? I would even be okay with him taking 2 months and not the whole 3 months to be with me while I recover and help out with the baby. I'm just annoyed that he isn't taking into consideration of my wants/needs (the person who is actually giving birth) and just suddenly changing his decision because his parents don't want him to take work off...

For a little bit of context, he's in the hospital because he has CHS (Cannabanoid hyperemesis syndrome) and has been there for 3 days now.

(If you want to know how you get CHS, you basically put your THC and CBD receptors into overdrive by smoking constantly all day every day or smoking high concentrates over a long period of time. It's not something you just contract)

I'm currently in post secondary school and my final exams start in less than a week. I also have a big research paper I need to finish by Friday so I told him last week that I would need to take some time to myself to finish it, meaning we wouldn't see each other for a few days. He said that would be fine.

This past weekend I spent over 24hrs in the emergency department with him, not sleeping, to advocate for him so he wouldn't be given an antipsychotic (the drug they wanted to give him after it didn't work the first time) while working on the paper to try and finish it.

Earlier today (one day and one night after I got home) he says he feels like I'm ignoring him because he's sick. I told him "I'm sorry, but you're in good hands at the hospital and I can come visit when my paper is finished and turned in." That made him very upset. He says that he just wants me there because he's really unwell, but I need to watch documentaries and read articles and do hours of work to finish my paper and then start studying for my exams which I can't do with sick people and crying people all around me.

I will admit that I yelled at him at one point because it all feels really unfair. I got angry with him for saying that I didn't care about whether or not he got better because I didn't help him moderate how much weed he smoked in a day.

I don't know how I can help him understand that I'm not coming to visit, not because I don't want to, but because I have very important things to do beforehand. I was also with him for the entirety of his initial stay in the ER and watched him while he slept so that he didn't vomit in his sleep. AITAH?

My boyfriend and I are in our 30s, and live separately. He wanted to invite mutual friends over yesterday for a BBQ. I arrived at his place early and made a pasta salad, compound butter for the steak, a salad and homemade dressing, a homemade apple crisp, and prepared the veggie skewers for the BBQ while he was getting showered and dressed, and put out the snacks. I cleaned up the kitchen and washed all the dishes I had used for prep.

Later, the BF BBQed the steak and skewers while I set the table. After the guests went home, he cleaned up the BBQ and put away the chairs while I started on the kitchen and the dishes. He came in when he was done and asked me why I hadn't washed all the dessert dishes yet. I said the dishwasher was full and almost done, they could go in it next. He sat down and scrolled on his phone while I kept cleaning for a few more minutes. I was kind of annoyed that he didn't come and help me. I figured we were both just tired after the long day. I packed up my serving dishes and kitchen stuff and told him I was heading home. As I was heading out the door, he came over and said, "What? And you're just leaving all the dishes like this?" in an annoyed tone. I said yes, and goodbye.

Today over text I told him that this comment made me feel unappreciated and as if he thought cleaning was my "job" to do, and that I had already put in a lot of effort for the day. He said he didn't mean it like that. He said what he MEANT by those words was, "Can we align on what's left to be done?".

Am I over-reacting to keep insisting on an apology for that comment? He has a history of not admitting he is wrong or apologizing so I am riled up when he does it, even though the issue might be small.

Am I being petty here?

My bf (20m) and I (f20) have been together for a year and half. I really love him and lately our relationship has been really great. we had some rocky times and low sex life but things have gotten better.

His birthday is next month and I keep asking him what he wants. Everyone has been asking him, and he won’t give anyone an answer. He says he doesn’t want anything.

Except for one thing. He wants anal sex. We don’t regularly have anal because it’s uncomfortable for me, it hurts and it makes me feel gross. I already struggle with insecurities and anal doesn’t help.

He gets upset with me when I tell him that that’s not an actual gift and that he needs to give me different ideas. He says that if I don’t give him anal for his birthday, we’re breaking up because I’m not caring enough about his wishes and that whatever I wanted for my birthday, he would go to great lengths to get me.

Would I be the asshole if I refused?

TLDR: Boyfriend wants anal for his birthday and is threatening to break up

I was banned from AmITheAsshole because it violates rule 11... no posts about relationships.

I (25F) lost my father a year ago, he was the kindest person in the world and worked as an EMT, he died after being hit by a drunk driver while trying to help another driver with car trouble. He was my hero and a huge part of my life, he became a widower father to me when I was 7 and he was the best dad anybody could ever ask for. To honor his memory, I keep a small shrine in our living room with his photo, some of his belongings, and a few of his favorite things along with his urn. It brings me comfort and helps me feel like he's still with me.

My husband (30M) has always been supportive of this, but his parents (both in their 60s) have never understood. They think it's "morbid" and "unhealthy" to keep such a display. They've made their opinions known multiple times, but I’ve always brushed it off, explaining it helps me cope.

This past weekend, my in-laws came to visit. From the moment they arrived, they were making snide comments about the shrine. My MIL said, "It's time to let go of the past," and my FIL chimed in with, "It’s not good for your mental health to live in a museum of grief." I told them, firmly but politely, that the shrine stays and it’s not up for discussion.

Things escalated quickly. When I left the room to take a phone call, they decided to take matters into their own hands. I walked back in to find them packing away my father's things into a box. I was livid. I told them to stop immediately and put everything back. They refused, saying they were "helping me move on."

I lost it. I yelled at them to get out of my house. My MIL started crying, saying I was ungrateful and that they were just trying to help. My FIL called me hysterical and said I was disrespecting them. My husband tried to mediate, but I was too furious to listen. I told them they had no right to touch my father's things and that they were not welcome in my home if they couldn’t respect my boundaries.

I discovered, as I was putting things back, that some of my belongings I had placed on the shrine were gone. A small stuffed cat, his mat for Magic the Gathering, and his shotglass from screeching in when he went to Newfoundland with my mom before she died of cancer. All three things have very low value monetarily but a lot of sentimental value.

My husband has told me I'm overreacting over a molehill and that I'm just sensitive because I was a "daddy's girl" when my dad was alive. I'm having a hard time letting go of my dad because we were so close. He was literally my best friend for the last five years of his life. I may be so swamped in my own grief that I was an asshole over nothing. I'm confused and sad, AITA?

My parents were missionaries in Africa when I (64M) was growing up. They have long since passed, but I still keep in touch with friends that still live there and have made a few trips there to visit. One of these family friends has operated a safari company for decades. Whenever I visit, I usually stay them for a week or so. It's been almost 8 years since my last visit and I want to go back.

My ex-wife and I divorced about 15 years ago. Our son is now 35 and has a wife and twin girls (13). I remarried 6 years ago and my current wife has a daughter, Pam (38F) from a previous relationship as well who also has her own family. When I told my wife about wanting to plan another trip to Africa, she was very excited.

I contacted my family friend and he offered me a great deal to stay at their safari camp, but only for a specific 2-week window. I told my wife about the deal my friend offered and she asked if it would be possible to invite her daughter and her family with on the trip. I was hesitant because Pam and I have never really seen eye-to-eye, but I figured this might be the type of trip that would bring us closer through a unique shared experience.

When we first approached Pam about the idea, she was totally on board. But things went south pretty quick. First, the window for the trip wouldn't work for them because Pam's daughter has a softball tournament at that time that she "can't miss." They did however offer to help cover the higher cost so that daughter could still make the tournament.

Next, however, came the dealbreaker. Pam had asked how I knew my friends there and I explained that my parents were missionaries long ago. A few days later, she came to visit with her daughters and told me that they are uncomfortable staying with "colonizers" and asked if we can change the trip completely. I straight up told them "no" and told them they are no longer welcome to join us on this trip. It turned into an argument and I had to ask them to leave. My wife was in tears by the end of it.

Not wanting to miss out on the deal my friend was offering, I instead extended the invitation to my son and his family. He jumped at the opportunity without asking any questions. When I told him about the time window and where we were staying, he said he didn't care and they would make it work. No hassle.

I told my wife that my son and his family would be joining us on the trip instead and she got mad at me. She told me that I should have at least tried to talk with Pam about it again to see if we could make it work before inviting my son.

I told her that I am not going to bring Pam and her family after they insulted my parents and have been making everything more difficult from day one. I told her my son and his family aren't making this nearly as difficult as Pam has been, and they also didn't call my parents "colonizers."

My wife thinks I should give Pam another chance, but it's too late for that.

Okay. So. Some bad news and some amazing news.

Bad news my brother figured out that we weren't really pregnant at his wedding and he is livid. As is his wife. I don't really care. I know it's childish but he started it.

The amazing news.

WE ARE PREGNANT FOR REAL. We were pregnant at the wedding but we didn't know.

Thanks again for validating my immature and vengeful nature. I guess I have to grow up now.

Sorry for the short post but I'm so excited I almost didn't post at all.

I kind of know I am the asshole, but I need to know how bad it was.

My brother is 29 and has been with Lia for about 2 years. We all like her; she is super nice. I am getting married next April and sent an invite to my brother's apartment. We decided to send invites to households and not individuals. For example, our aunt received an invite for her family and not for each individual.

Last Thursday, we met at my parents' place. It was just the core family because of some tax reasons, lol. While there, I asked my brother about Lia's dietary restrictions. I know that she is a vegetarian for health reasons and that she cannot have certain raw vegetables.

He said that she wasn't going to come and that he was taking his girl best friend, Amanda, instead. Now, their relationship is weird af. Amanda has always been stringing my brother along, in my opinion. He always denies having feelings for her, but let's be real here.

Amanda would date other guys, blow off my brother, then when things were on the decline with her partners, she would be attached to him again. Her last boyfriend broke up with her right around the time my brother, his then ex-girlfriend, Amanda, and her ex were supposed to travel to Spain. What did my idiot brother do? Go with Amanda alone because Amanda was uncomfortable with his ex-girlfriend. Obviously, he acted blindsided when his girlfriend broke up with him. I didn't even say anything anymore because it's all so weird.

So, when he said that, I asked if Lia already had other plans. But my brother said that Amanda had asked if she could come because it would be an opportunity to finally see the old gang (we were in the same friend group in high school). I told him that I would have invited Amanda if I wanted her there. Amanda is mean and cold. She always makes disparaging comments about other girls. At every event, around one hour in, she will make some sort of scene that either has her running away crying or sitting mad at a table telling everyone to "leave her alone" and then making a cryptic comment about something "hurting her."

I told my brother I was revoking his plus one and Amanda was NOT coming to our wedding. He accused me of being misogynistic and bigoted because I don't understand opposite-sex friendships. Which is BS. My husband has a female childhood friend who is his best woman. I love her too and she has been amazing. AND SHE RESPECTS FUCKING BOUNDARIES. She always includes me and made a huge effort when I started dating my fiancé to integrate me into the friend group.

Anyway, I said my decision was final. He could take it or leave it, but I would be inviting Lia myself because I like her. He screamed at me and told me to keep out of his business. I said to get rid of his weird fucking feelings for Amanda. He is mad at me. My dad said is none of our deal. My mom is furious with my brother. So Aita?

Edit: to answer some questions

The invite was addressed to the "smith's." Funnily enough, Lia had the same last name as us. Granted, we have one of the most common last names.

Yes, they live together.

The tax thing is nothing huge. My parents have a small buisness but are really bad at keeping track of all their receipts. So every month we go and help them. We digitalis the receipts and put them in a bookkeeping software for the accountant

Amanda is in the comments. Say hi!

8 months ago my best friend of 5+ years, we’ll call her A(21), announced she was getting married and asked me(21) to be her MOH. It was a no brainer for me because we’ve been each others’ best friends since middle school.

We spent months looking at wedding dresses, brides maids dresses, decorations, color schemes, going over the guest list etc. at this point everything was running smoothly and we were on great terms. She let me know up front I’d have to pay for my dress and pitch in with money for everything. I knew money was tight for her and her fiancé so I wanted to help, especially considering how close we were.

Around 3 months until the wedding we were at a get together and were introduced to the gf of a friend of her fiancé and my bf, we’ll call her L. A seemed to click with L immediately, they exchanged numbers and made plans to get coffee at a later date that same night.

A week after the party I’m on ft with A and she’s basically gushing about L. Going on about how cool and funny L is, about her career, about all the places she’s already traveled at 20, how it’s such a small world because L’s mother works with her mother and A’s cousin used to babysit L’s little sister. All I could do was listen as she went on and on considering I had no connection with this girl. I was happy for her that she met someone she seemed to have such chemistry with.

Not long after, I started noticing abnormal distance from A. If I texted it was at least 6 hours before I got a response every time. Other than ”girl can’t you text somebody back?” once, I didn’t bring it up and brushed it off as stress about everything involving her big day. I started noticing pictures of L on her social media stories a lot. When she and I hung out, which wasn’t much atp, it was only to discuss wedding technicalities and what I would be contributing, financially or other. These times were also usually cut short due to a prior engagement she had with L that she had to rush off to.

At this point, the wedding was two weeks away. The morning of her bachelorette party, which I took the liberty of paying and throwing for her, something gave me the idea to ask if L was going to be a brides maid. She looked at me as if she had some mad news to tell me. “I’ve been thinking about this for a while and I’m sorry I haven’t told you sooner, I’m making L my MOH.” Obviously I was pissed but I took this news with a smile as to not ruin the day for her.

Later that day at the party, I watched as A stood up with L and introduced her as her MOH. Most everyone clapped but a few of our friends looked at each other and then at me. Everything about this went through me so I stormed out. I haven’t seen A in two months or had a real conversation about what happened. I’m conflicted about whether or not I’m completely in the wrong. Please let me know your thoughts on this, thanks

On Friday my boyfriend (25M) and I (23F) attended a mutual friend’s themed dinner party. We had a good time and the night went by without any problems. I spent most of the time with my female friends and my bf was hanging out with his buddies.

Towards the end I went outside to chat with someone and then went back in to look for my bf whom I hadn’t seen in a while.

I walked past the guest room and immediately heard my bf talking to his best friend. I could tell they were talking about me so yes I stopped and listened out of sheer curiosity. (Whether you want to debate the ethics of that is up to you).

For some context, they’ve been friends since they were kids. So they talk to each other pretty openly. (I started dating my bf last year and have known his friend for the same amount of time).

His friend was telling my bf that he’s lucky to have me and that I’m a real catch. He even said that I have many admirable qualities and jokingly asked my bf how he managed to bag me.

My bf in a very serious tone said that he’s the catch in the relationship and that I’m always trying to please him. He said “with pretty girls you have to make sure she’s insecure. When they’re confident it’s not gonna work”. Then he explained that I don’t realise how “objectively attractive” I am due to my “raging insecurities about every little detail”.

I was left speechless and deeply shocked. His friend was quiet and then said “that’s fucked up”. My bf laughed and kept saying they both know it’s true and to quit virtue signalling.

At the end his friend said that if I’m insecure I do a great job hiding it because he views me as confident and assertive. Bf laughed and said “nah bro she’s so insecure it’s crazy”. Then he grossly said that sex with insecure “hot chicks” is the best because they’ll do anything to please you.

I didn’t knock on the door. I didn’t walk in.

Later we went home and I didn’t bring it up. I broke up with him via text the next day. I explained why I made that decision.

Now, my friends think I’m crazy for jumping to that decision so fast. They all said that I hit him with a breakup out of nowhere and didn’t even give him a chance to explain himself & give context. I said that his words shattered my heart and no amount of context will salvage this.

The only people who don’t think I’m an asshole are my closest female friend & his best friend. They both feel bad for me and said I did the right thing.

So am I the asshole for doing what I did or is it justified?