I am not OP. That is who posted to and

Content warning: Racism

May 31st, 2024, crosspost on

I tried to warn the Bride that her bridesmaids dresses wouldn't work for me but she insisted and now she's pissed because I look like the Bride.

I'm supposed to be the MOH in tonight for a wedding. My husband in the best man and we've been friends with this couple for a long time. The problem is now I'm being kicked out for being black and my husband wants to step down as best man because of it and it's causing a whole thing. To clarify because it's important the bride is NOT RACIST in any way she's just kinda dumb for refusing to listen. My skin color is the issue but not because she has a problem with it over all but just because she didn't realize that my skin would make a dress look different on me than on others. She has had this vision for her wedding forever apparently. Her bridesmaids dresses are nearly identical to her wedding dress in style except a different color and on the bridesmaids dresses the detailing stops at the waist and they are not laced up in the back. My dress as MOH is an exact carbon copy of hers just in the other color.

Here's where it gets to be a mess. She picked this color the company calls morning grey for her bridesmaids dresses. Morning grey for anyone wondering is like a soft pastel grey that's about a shade of of white. On the other bridesmaids the dress absolutely looks grey. A very soft very ethereal grey but a grey none the less. All the other bridesmaids are also white. I'm not. I'm not only black but as I've been to the beach for another wedding this year I'm darker than I normally am. Against my skin the dress undeniably looks white. Like the only way you can tell mine is actually gray is if I'm standing directly next to the bride and the dresses are side by side then you can see mine is slightly grey and hers isn't.

Now the bride ordered all of the dresses and picked the color herself. I tried to tell her she should order mine in a darker shade of grey because I've been down this road before where I've been accused of wearing white at a wedding because a dress I wore looked white in the sunlight even though it wasn't. She insisted that she had her cousin try it on and the color was perfect and you could easily tell it was grey. I tried to explain to her that her cousin is the color of printer paper and that it would look different on me but she was unwilling to have her "vision" modified. Now she's pissed at me because even though it's clear hanging with the other dresses mine is the same color as the other bridesmaids.

She has decided the only option is to kick me out of the wedding so I don't upstage her. However she wants me to give my dress to one of the other bridesmaids which I said I was fine with as soon as she reimbursed me the money for it. (350$ compared to the rest of the bridesmaids who paid about 125) But then one of the bridesmaids promptly pointed out non of them could even wear my dress. I'm not huge, but I am incredibly top-heavy. I wear a 34H bra. Which is part of why my dress was so much more expensive than the other bridesmaids, the other part being the extra detailing. So none of the other bridesmaids would be able to keep my dress up even if the lacing was pulled as tight as it would go.

So now she's decided I have ruined her perfect wedding. Screamed at me and told me that not only am I not in the wedding but she doesn't even want me to attend as a guest. Which pissed off my husband a) because she was warned, I even sent her photos of a dress I wore that was almost the same color to a different wedding, and b) because he doesn't want to attend a wedding we traveled for without me and he thinks its bullshit since she insisted on the dress color.

Comments: In general, commenters are pretty sure the bride's racist, an idiot, a bridezilla, or some combination of the three.

: Nta. You did nothing wrong. And I would fully support your husband stepping out as well. Neither of you are ruining the wedding. The bride did that all on her own. What an absolute....you never mind.

Also you say she isn't racist but this comes across as someone who might just be a little. Like someone who screams I don't see colour of who says 'I can't be racist because I have friends of colour'. Well lady, your behaviour tells is otherwise. And you, op, deserve so much better than this.

: OP went out of her way to say her (maybe former) friend isn’t racist, but this sounds pretty racist to me. She went from MOH to being screamed at and uninvited to the wedding and is being replaced by someone with lighter skin who doesn’t compromise the bride’s aesthetic.

Hahahah describing the cousins skin tone as printer paper is fucking funny. Thank you for that��

Why can’t she have you in a different colored dress, some brides do that for their MOH’s. Just dye it or some shit. That’s an extreme overreaction on her part, especially since you warned her. You’re clearly close since you’re her MOH so you’d think she’d trust what you look like in a certain color but bridezilla clearly lost her marbles. I’m thinking you dodged a bullet on this one and hubby will too once he dips but there has to be other solutions then straight kickin you out. If you really want to stay in it ask her if you can find someone to dye the dress if she’s amendable to you have a different shade.

(same day): for everyone who is asking what happened.

Soooooo. after I posted things got ugly and the groom called everything off. I initially offered to dye the dress since I was the only person not getting my hair done (my hair has been damaged more than once by stylists who don't know how to handle the texture so I am very limited in who I will let do it and Instead usually do it myself). The groom thought this was a great idea and even offered to pay for the stuff needed to dye it and let me use his parents place to do it. While he went to go talk to his parents though my now ex nixed that because then "I would stand out even more" So I asked what she meant by stand out even more and a whole lot of truth came out. Apparently she initially hadn't wanted me in the wedding at all, but her ex fiance is one of my oldest and best friends and my husband was (note the past tense) one of hers. That's why we introduced them to each other in the first place because we thought they would hit it off and they did.

Anyway, because my husband was the closest thing she has to a sibling she really wanted him to be the "man of honor" at their wedding and initially ex groom said that was fine and he would just have me as a best woman so things would look balanced and two men didn't have to walk down the aisle or whatever. She really didn't like that so they decided to switch us up no big deal. Except, apparently it was because I'm the only person of color in the whole wedding party and one of very few who will be at the wedding at all and I'm going to stand out in every single picture. I asked her what about the grooms parents. (The groom is white but he's adopted by a black couple and is quite close to both his biological and adoptive parents but if you ask who his parents are he always says the people who raised him) Her theory was that his biological parents would be in the pictures not his adoptive parents. Well when the groom came back and heard this he flipped out and then she said the dumbest thing she could have said. Apparently "it's not his fault he had no control over who adopted him and the pictures should just be "real family"" Well at that point the groom had heard enough and told her that they were his real family and he couldn't believe she would say that. She was not the person he thought she was and he was not marrying her.

She gets pissed and tells him he's being ridiculous but his parents can be in some of the photos and they will take some without. He tells her again that he is in no way shape manner or form marrying her after what he heard and in fact he wants nothing to do with her. She gets upset and says well she's at least going to go have fun at the reception. He reminds her that he and his parents paid for everything including the reception and she is not welcome and he will be informing the security of that fact. The bride runs off and tells her parents what he's saying and doing so they come out guns blazing and all to confront him but apparently she didn't give them all the facts because when he laid it out for them they were appalled. Her father literally tore her a new one talking about how she was not raised that way and he couldn't believe this was the person she had become.

They apologized to the groom. Offered to pay for half of the wedding and they left with their daughter. So we spent the afternoon with the groom, several of the bridesmaids and all of the groomsmen who were all equally shocked by her behavior I'd say we were consoling the groom but we weren't he was too busy ranting about dodging a bullet. Last night we went to the reception, partied until like 3 AM and had a great time. As for the dress I have an event later this summer and I'm going to dye the dress and wear it for that.

TLDR : Turns out it was deliberate, the bride was racist and wanted no black people in her photos including the groom's adoptive parents. They did not get married, we had a blast at the reception, and I'm dying and wearing the dress for a different event.

Comments were sympathetic.

I’m sorry that you all had to find out that she was a horrible person but thank goodness it was discovered before the wedding and before kids.

The ex must be breathing a sigh of relief but how is your husband doing? You stated that your “husband is the closest thing she has to a sibling” so he must be a combination of furious and heartbroken.

I’m so glad that you all had a blast at the reception and I hope that everyone was also petty enough to share the heck out of the pictures on their socials with a caption, something like living the best life, now that the trash has been taken out. Best of luck to your friend.

: My husband will probably be sad later because they had been friends for so long but right now he's just disgusted that he was friends with someone who thought like that. Like she was in our wedding. I think furious and heart broken is absolutely accurate

_____________________________________________________

I am not the original poster. Please don't contact or comment on linked posts

I am not OP. That is who posted to  and who posted to

May 18th, 2024

I (26M) proposed to my (24F) girlfriend of 6 years last month. She obviously said yes and we’ve been working on wedding details (ex: save the dates/invitations, venue, caterer…etc) since. We got to talking about who we would want in our wedding because she wanted to do a special “proposal” to her side of the wedding court, and she said she wanted to have her best friend since childhood be her “maid” of honor.

The thing is, her childhood best friend is a guy (24M). They lived on the same street when they were kids and have been friends since. My fiancée and I met in college and her friend was there too, so I’ve known him for as long as I’ve known her. At first I didn’t really like him because he was always hanging around her, but after she and I started dating and I was forced to be around him more I kinda started to tolerate him.

He and my fiancée saw each other a lot, but he and I have never really hung out one-on-one before. One time when we were left alone together he tried to get all tough and did the “if you ever break her heart i swear…” corny threat talk. He’s a small dude so it made me laugh more than intimidate me. After that I got the feeling this was a situation where he liked her but she didn’t know.

I asked my fiancée if she and him ever had feelings for each other, and she said no, then let me know he was gay. I’m not homophobic or anything, so it’s not like I don’t want him in the wedding because of that, it’s just that I think it would be better if her side of t party was all girls. She and him already did everything together, not including him in our wedding wouldn’t hurt their friendship.

I told her that and she got defensive, saying that if I could have a girl in my side of the party (the girl being my older sister who practically raised me), she could have a guy. I said that it was a different circumstance, and that I wouldn’t allow her best friend to be her man of honor. She got really mad and said it was her wedding too, then stormed out. I got a text from her sister a few hours later saying she had gone to her parents house and told them what I had said.

They thought I was being an asshole because I never liked her friend and am threatened by him. I have tried to talk to my fiancée since she left but she hasn’t returned my calls or texts. I really love her, and I don’t want to loose her. I just dont want her best friend to be a part of our day. AITA?

edit: It’s come to my attention in a previous comment I made, I have created the worlds thinnest argument. I said that my fiancée made was unwillingly to compromise on things such as the groomsmen’s neck pieces and blazers, and as such I was in the right to be unwilling to compromise about her best friend. I stated in a few other posts that there were other things she didn’t want to compromise on, and someone suggested I make a list so here it is:

1.) When we were deciding our wedding date and location, she wanted to do it in spring in an open field. I wasn’t onboard with this as I have terrible allergies and spring is when it’s at its worst. She shot down any alternative I gave her (alternatives being things done closer to summer or in summer) and said it was Spring or nothing. So we went with spring

2.) Instead of going with a DJ like I suggestion who could play a mix of her favorite, my favorite, and general upbeat dance music, she said that she really wanted a live band that specialized in her favorite genre. I asked if we could just give the DJ a longer list of her songs in her favorite genre and tell him to pick from the list often, but she said no and that a live band was going to be better. So we went with the band

3.) In my culture there is a few traditional wedding ceremonies that I wanted us to partake in. Some included a kind of “parade” that leads the groom and his family to the brides house where they present her and her family gifts, a hair cutting ceremony (I made sure to tell her her actual hair would NOT be cut), and finally a knot tying ceremony where the guests wish us a long happy marriage. She wanted absolutely nothing to do with these ceremonies, and said they would be too much time and effort, since it would be like having two weddings. I tried fighting for these more than the others, but she was firm on doing things traditionally.

4.) She wanted the groomsmen to wear bow ties and blazers even though I wanted the necktie and no blazer look

5.) She changed the color scheme from the originally agreed upon black, gold, maroon, and forest green to pink (or i think it was rose), yellow, white, and pastel blue because the decorations would look better in the field. When I said we already printed invitations with the previous colors on them, she said we could throw those out and get reprints.

Added Comments

Commenter

I really hope this is a rage bait post. To not be able to see the hypocrisy in having his sister (whom he’s known his whole life) on his side, but DEMAND that she not have her male best friend of decades on hers is absolutely insane. If I were the fiancé, I’d call the whole thing off because OP’s empathetic skills are clearly nonexistent.

OP

The difference is I’d be having legitimate family in my party. Somebody who, like I said, has practically raised me and has been there for me since birth who I want by my side. I know you can argue that her and her best friend are “technically” family with how long they’ve known each other, but that doesn’t actually make them family

Commenter

It’s her wedding as well so he is family to her. Don’t worry. You won’t have a fiancé anymore at this rate

OP

he’s not legitimate family, so it really doesn’t count. he can be included in her family section of the guests that doesn’t matter. but breaking it down and splitting the hairs, he’s not biologically family

Commenter

YTA. It’s obvious that you have a huge chip on your shoulder about your fiancé’s best friend just because he’s a guy, so now you’re using this “girls only” thing to get him out of the way. Also, “girls?” You’re not in high school going to prom. You’re getting married. They’re women. You’re sexist and jealous and seem way too immature to be getting married. I hope she sees you for what you are and gets away from you

OP

I don’t understand why everyone so hung up on my verbiage. Aren’t women also girls? Are they not one and the same? I’m not trying to get him out of the way for any sexist reason either. It’s just more traditional if she chooses all women to which she agreed upon in the past. She only started thinking about having him in her party after I said I wanted my sister

Commenter

Then why are you not traditional and picking only men for your party. Hypocritical much? Insecure and prob lost your fiancé. YTA

OP

i’m breaking the tradition for someone who is family. someone who has a right to be up their with me on one of the best days of my life

OP

if she had a brother and wished for him to be her man of honor i would agree in a heartbeat. breaking tradition for family i can understand but breaking it for a friend is a little much. im just not comfortable with that

May 19th, 2024

wedding-hijacker-412

I (24F) was recently engaged to my (26M) fiancé after 6 years together. We got into a fight a couple of days ago because he wouldn’t let me ask my guy best friend (24M) who I’ve known since we were kids, be my man of honor. I ended up walking out and went to stay with my parents for a few days. I told them what happened and they agreed that he was way out of line.

I went back earlier today after I thought he had enough time to calm down and when I came home he looked glad to see me. He apologized for stepping out of line and I said it was fine and that we still had time to ask my best friend to be in the wedding. He kind of looked down then said that we should call everything off. This really surprised me and I immediately said no.

He then admitted that while I was gone he posted to about what had happened and that even though he was deemed the controlling AH, he also realized that I was one because I had basically hijacked the wedding planning. I asked how he could think that and he pointed out how I chose to have the wedding in spring even though that’s a bad time for him and that I changed up the wedding color scheme and what his groomsmen would be wearing without talking with him first.

I said that those were practically minor things and we didn’t have to call off the wedding for it. Then he said I was insensitive for rejecting his cultures traditional wedding ceremonies and didn’t even considering doing them. He had brought to my attention some traditional ceremonies people do at weddings in his culture, and while I appreciated him bringing it up to me, I decided against doing it because it wouldn’t fit the vibe of the traditional wedding I wanted.

I told him I only wanted to do a traditional American wedding and that he already agreed with me that that’s what we were doing. Then he said that me having my guy best friend be my best man was untraditional. I pointed out I let him have his sister be part of his wedding party because he wanted some part of his family included, and that since he was breaking the tradition so could I.

He got really sad and looked like he was about to cry and said that me breaking the tradition was like a slap in the face after I rejected his traditions, and that I just didn’t respect his culture at all. That is not the case at all I greatly respect his culture. I told him I understood how mean it sounded but it’s my wedding too so I get a say in what we do. He kind of laughed and got up and said he wanted to take a break and left.

I dont know what to do I don’t want to call off the wedding at all. I tried to find his reddit post but I think he was using a throw away, though granted I am too. I love him so much and I want to be with him for the rest of our lives. I don’t know how we’ll get through this.

Added comments

Commenter

I don't know if you two are compatible

OP

Up until this point I would have disagreed with you. When we met in college we were studying the same thing so we crossed paths often. We became friends and found we have a lot in common in terms of interests and lifestyle, and we had a great relationship up until the proposal. We’ve talked about marriage before and we seemed to be on the same page about a lot of things. I don’t know where it changed

Commenter

sounds like you are controlling and you. brushed off his complaints as no big deal.  If the date, groomsmen outfit and color scheme are minor details, than they shouldn’t have been changed.   Disregarding his family traditions is a major detail and if you are willing to disregard them for a wedding, how does he know you won’t for other events?  The wedding is one day, if you don’t let him have a say in that, he’s right to take a break and reconsider.

OP

I understand where you’re coming from. I’ll be honest and tell you that I haven’t celebrated a lot of his cultural events besides New Years (he’s Cambodian and they celebrate their New Years in April I believe). He and his family had a falling out after he started dating me (his family didn’t approve of a foreigner), and only recently have they reconnected. His sister though was different she didn’t care I was American, and she stuck by his side as his only family member.

I guess I disregarded the traditions in the first place because he never immersed me in his culture enough because he kind of cut ties with that side of himself. I was uncomfortable with the idea of being surrounded by his family that doesn’t particularly like me during the ceremonies, as both his parents and my parents would be involved. I didn’t want to feel like an outsider on our wedding day

Commenter

I think your ex is right. You haven’t considered his preferences and in fact you minimize his requests (calling them “practically minor”) and aren’t respecting his cultural traditions. It sounds like you’re more interested in a wedding than an actual relationship and marriage.

OP

Of course I’m interested in the wedding. I’ve been dreaming of my own since I was a child. But I don’t value it more than I value my relationship with him. We didn’t get that far into the planning but for our honeymoon I was going to suggest going somewhere he and I have always talked about going to. We would have eventually gotten to a place where more of his ideas would be acdepted

commenter

Babes, you literally chose your wedding over your fiance. You broke up because of plans for the wedding. You broke up because you couldn't compromise anything you wanted for anything he wanted. 

You chose the wedding over the marriage. 

commenter

I read his post yesterday and yours today... YOU BOTH SUCK. I think he wouldn't have put up the stink about your male best friend being in your party if you hadn't been so controlling, but that's moot because you're incredibly controlling and don't understand/care.

You are selfish and self-centered. You seem to think only your tastes and desires matter for your wedding, forgetting that your groom is a person and not just a prop at your wedding. The fact that you even say "let him include his sister" is grounds to break up with you in my opinion.

Neither of you are mature enough to marry from the little bit you have each written. In both of your posts you both sound fairly unpleasant to be around but you are definitely the harsher of the two. He's a whiner and you are Attila the Hun. Both of you need to grow up and learn what's actually important in life: how to grow together.

Don't get married, mature first.

OP

do you happen to have the link? i’d like to read what he said

OP was linked to the original post and the amithedevil post

  June 1st, 2024

Weddinghijacker

It’s been two weeks since I posted about my wedding situation. I apologize for not answering very many of your comments on the first post. The post was intended to just talk about the situation, but it quickly turned into a mini AITA discussion, which was absolutely the farthest thing that I wanted to happen. Due to the stress and severity of everything, I had to unplug. The comments and private messages were getting to me and the messages from friends and family who caught word of the situation became overwhelming.

That being said, I got around to reading the comments after a week or so, but didn’t have the effort to say anything until now. A lot of you said I was controlling, manipulative, selfish, and racist. I can understand being called the first three, but racist genuinely hurt. I didn’t realize my actions came across as racist, but I see now how that could be assumed of me. I don’t know what to say to prove that I’m not racist, but I know that even if I did it probably wouldn’t change any minds. I’ve begun to research more on the wedding ceremonies, and just Cambodian culture as a whole, something I realize I should have done years ago.

I promise you that the decisions I made and the unfortunately “vetoed” decisions from my boyfriend all came from a place that thought it was going to be best for both of us. But like a lot of you said, it was still wrong of me to completely dismiss him and his ideas. I admit I was being stubborn about a lot of things that would have been easy to compromise on. I guess I was looking at everything through rose tinted glasses and thought that everything would just fall into place in my favor because I wanted it to. I should have heard him out more and taken his words seriously.

Additionally, a few of you called me and my fiancé out for being rage baiters and even being the same person just using different accounts. I can see how that would seem like the case, since I made this account a day after his throwaway was deleted, but I promise it was just a coincidence. I created a throwaway since my main account has content that can be traced to my other socials, and I didn’t want anyone harassing me in my DM’s or other comment sections. I think someone also brought up the fact that this account is linked to another one that has posts about being divorced? I’m not sure what that’s about.

I read the AITA post that he created and, if I can be honest, I thought it was terribly done. He made his initial post about my best friend and how he wasn’t “comfortable” with him being in the wedding, indicating that even on a minuscule level, he was uncomfortable with my friend. In the 6 years they’ve known each other he has never once voiced or shown any discomfort for him. I don’t know if he was using him as a scapegoat or what. His comments started to change the tune of the post and it started to become a “I’m not comfortable with the guy best friend” vs. “Actually, I’m being taken advantage of” type of thing. It was all so weirdly done, and his comments seemed rude and argumentative. People were judging him based on the initial question as the forum intended, but then he started to tell the rest of the story to try and gain favor or something.

But, I digress. Moving onto the actual update, my boyfriend and I had a talk a few days ago. He was home when I came back from work and it looked like he was packing some of his stuff. I asked if this meant that we were officially over, and he said he didn’t know. I asked if we could talk about it, and he said sure. I apologized to him for how I was acting and that I shouldn’t have been so controlling with the planning. I also apologized for rejecting his culture and said that I didn’t do it with malice. He asked why I really rejected the ceremonies and I told him how I wasn’t comfortable with his parents, since there was still tension between us.

He explained that they were trying to be okay with me, but what I did just made it harder. I told him I read his post and asked if he really didn’t feel comfortable around my best friend. He was kind of iffy on that, saying yes and no before saying he didn’t mind him as a person, but he was still someone he didn’t know. He offered to apologize to him since he figured I told him about what he said when I left to my parent’s house, which I did, and I said I would appreciate that. We got quiet and I asked again if he wanted to officially break up. He said he wanted to cancel the wedding, but that he didn’t want to break up permanently yet. I felt the same way, so we talked some more, and eventually agreed to go back to dating.

This may not be the outcome a lot of you wanted, since it seemed like you were all rooting for him to kick me to the curb, but I still love him and he still loves me. We’re cancelling all of the wedding plans and looking into couples counseling. And, as a promise to each other that we’re going to change, he’s going to make an effort in befriending my best friend, and I’m going to be seeing his family more and participating in/observing more cultural events. This is the last post I will make from this account. I just want to move forward and rebuild with him.

TL;DR: We broke off the engagement, but we’re still together.

I am not the original poster. Please don't contact or comment on linked posts

I am not the OOP. The OOP is posting in

Original, 8 months ago -

Update 1, 7 months ago -

Update 2, 2 days ago -

My MIL doesn't let me have sex with my husband

My husband and I got married a year ago. He and I didn't live together before, in fact we hardly saw each other because we both worked and studied at the same time, so our time was quite limited. We got married and went to live together in his apartment.

Unfortunately two months after our wedding his father died in an accident. My mother-in-law and my husband (who is an only child) were devastated as it was quite sudden.

My mother-in-law, left alone, began to suggest to my husband that we move with her to her house to keep her company, but because she is from another state we couldn't due to our jobs and college.

Then she came to us, our apartment is 2 rooms, so my mother-in-law occupied one and my husband and I occupied another.

I mean my mother-in-law never liked me. She is one of the mothers who think "that no woman is good enough for her son."

As a couple who are still "in the honeymoon stage" we had sex very frequently. Every day, even up to twice a day. This changed when my mother-in-law arrived, since the apartment is small so I didn't feel comfortable doing it with her living there.

The thing is that when we did have sex with my husband, my mother-in-law magically "interrupted us." It didn't matter what time it was, even if it was 3 AM she casually got up and knocked on our door asking "What are we doing?" Or telling my husband that she feels bad because her head hurts or things like that.

This has been going on since my mother-in-law moved in with us, it's been a stressful 7 months. Besides, I have no privacy of any kind, she criticizes everything I do, especially my food.

My husband tries to give me my place, saying things like: "it's not true mom, the food tastes good."

What really annoyed me was the fact that she started saying that several things of value and money were lost in her room casually the day I stayed at home. (I had the day off from work and study in the afternoons)

I really got fed up, I told my husband that this really wasn't what I expected. I agreed to let her move in with us because my father-in-law passed away and I was really trying to be empathetic to her and her pain, but I'm not going to let her call me a thief.

Now I'm at my parents' house, my husband keeps calling me and sending me messages to come back, but I don't know what to do anymore. This is really stressful.

relevant comments

OOP

I’m fine with a sexless marriage, but what really bothers me is that she said I stole her things

The house is there, it is empty. My mother-in-law actually wants to sell it because she "now lives with us and there is no point in having an empty house."

I don't think so, he seems pretty frustrated since we stopped having sex. But he doesn't try to start anything either because he knows that his mother is going to interrupt us anyway. After she interrupts us we no longer continue with sex

Update 1 month later

Update: My MIL doesn't let me have sex with my husband

Hello good evening Thank you all for your advice and comments, I tried to read them all.

I wanted to give you a little update.

I returned with my husband last Thursday. While I lived with my parents we were talking and seeing each other.

The first time I agreed to talk to him I told him that he really had to do something about his mother because our relationship was going down the drain.

He kicked his mother out. She didn't take it so well. Remember how I told you she wanted to sell her house? Well, she actually did, she put her house up for sale. What surprised me so much is that she listed her house for sale at well below the average cost considering where that house is located. Apparently she was about to close the deal with some potential buyers.

She hasn't communicated with anyone since she left. We also don't know if she returned to her house.

And now everything is fine. My husband also thanked me because he couldn't stand having his mother in our apartment anymore.

I also made it very clear to my husband that if his mother had behaved differently I would never really have minded if she stayed with us.

I feel a little bad for her but she really brought it on herself, I was always kind despite her treatment.

Thanks guys for your comments and advice.

Update – 2 days ago

Update: My MIL doesn't let me have sex with my husband, she came back

Long story short, my mother-in-law returned to our apartment.

After my husband kicked her out she didn't contact us for about 2 months. Then she began to resume communication with my husband.

Three months ago we received the news that my mother-in-law was diagnosed with stage 4 stomach cancer. My husband asked me to move her mother back with us and given the situation I accepted.

But she continues with the same attitude from the beginning. And now it is worse since she needs various care, and I must take care of her. I quit my job to take care of her full time.

We are drowning in debt since my husband's salary is not enough to cover all expenses. My husband suggested putting my mother-in-law's house up for sale again and she refused, saying that it was the only thing she had left and that she wanted it to be my husband's inheritance.

comments

several commenters ask if OOP is sure MIL actually has cancer

OOP – yes. She really has it She is not tolerating meals, I must help her go to the bathroom and shower. She just sits on the couch and screams to ask and demand things.

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass or brigade the OOP

I am NOT OOP. OOP is

Originally posted to

Previous originally posted by

[New Update]: I spent the day with my sister's best friend and now she's telling my parents that I'm a homewrecker

NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----

Trigger Warnings: verbal abuse, emotional abuse and manipulation, controlling behavior, invasion of privacy, financial exploitation/abuse, obsessive behavior, stalking

Mood Spoilers: confused, disbelief

RECAP

: June 11, 2023

So this all started yesterday when I (22f) had a date planned with a guy. He ended up not showing and so naturally, I texted the group chat about it (my sister is in this particular group chat). I'm guessing my sister, Sarah (26f) told her best friend, Jay (27m) about it because a few minutes later Jay texted me to ask if I'm okay. I told him yes, just a little disappointed since I was pretty excited to try that particular restaurant. He said that he would pick me up at noon the next day so we could go eat there. I told him it wasn't necessary but he insisted so I agreed, thinking nothing of it.

Well, today he took me out as promised and while we were eating, Sarah facetimed Jay. When he didn't answer she called again, and again. He answered the fourth call and asked her what was going on. She said that she was just checking up on us and told me to call her later.

Later ended up being almost 8:00. Jay and I ended up spending the rest of the day together, hunting down some collectible dolls we both like and trying different dessert spots along the way. On the way back to my apartment, Jay asked me to change the music on his phone. When I opened it, I saw that my sister had called him about 30 times throughout the day and texted him across multiple different apps. Jay put his phone on do not disturb after lunch so it made sense why he didn't see those notifications.

Once he dropped me off, I called my sister and asked her if everything was alright. She said yes and asked if I had forgotten to call her back sooner. I told her that I was out with Jay so I didn't get the chance, and figured it could wait since she didn't call me. She hung up and a few minutes later I got a call from my mom. She sounded angry and told me that I should be ashamed of myself. I said sure, but why today?

According to my mom, Sarah called her in tears, saying that she had caught Jay and I having sex in their apartment. I was so fucking confused. I told my mom that I did not, in fact, have sex with Jay and that I didn't even know they lived together. I asked her to give me a minute and I called Jay but he didn't answer so now I am here laying on my floor wondering what the hell is going on and putting off another conversation with my mom.

Relevant Comments

Deleted Commenter: So your sister thinks she is in a romantic relationship with her best friend. Her best friend does not have feelings for her and doesn’t even know he is in a relationship with your sister… Oh boy, you got yourself a delusional sister. Best of luck with that one…

OOP: This is pretty on brand for her so I’m used to it, he isn’t though

CreativeMadness99: Wait a minute. Are your sister and Jay dating or are they strictly friends (with no benefits)? 30 missed calls and an unknown amount of texts over the course of a few hours is crazy. To lie to your mom about something that never happened is delusional. Follow up with Jay to make sure he’s okay. Her behavior is quite disturbing and borderline obsessive.

OOP: Yup yup strictly friends. Jay called me back, he’s fine but he’s not staying at his place tonight.

OOP on not knowing her sister had a roommate, but it’s not Jay

OOP: I’m not really sure how to make this clearer (which is bad because I’m a teacher lmao). I knew my sister had a roommate that wasn’t Jay, that’s why when my mom said “their apartment” I told her that I didn’t know they lived together. As for him having my number, he’s my friend too of course he has my number.

I’m glad you don’t take everything at face value you’re doing better than my parents. Also, I know I’m bad at explaining thing, even more so when I’m stressed so I don’t mind explaining!

: June 14, 2023 (3 days later)

So I'm not religious or anything like that but Jesus Christ. Thank you everyone for your kind words and support, I don't know what to do with myself. Also, I meant to post an update yesterday but my friend asked me to go watch the Miguel O'Hara movie with her and then I just forgot, sorry about that.

I wanted to clear up some confusion before the update. On my original post, when my mom told me that Sarah and Jay shared an apartment, I said "I didn't even know they lived together." Those were my verbatim words to her because last I knew, Sarah had a roommate and Jay lived alone. I was right, that's still the case. Sorry I wasn't clear about that, I'm bad at expressing myself sometimes. Another thing was people were wondering how Jay found out about my date, or lack thereof, and according to him: he was hanging out with a few of his friends, including my sister, and she told him about it in a joking way.

Another thing it that some people are asking why I went out with Jay if I knew my sister liked him. I didn't know, just because I talk to my sister doesn't mean she talks to me the same way. If I had known I would have talked to her about it first because I know from past experience that my sister is a jealous person.

Anyway, last night was a doozy. Jay called me back, he said he was going to stay at a friend's because he would feel safer with company. I asked him if there had ever been anything romantic between him and my sister. He said the only thing was that he kissed her at a new year's party at midnight because she was feeling left out. Obviously, I can't confirm if that really is the only thing. He also said that he had never even talked about moving in with Sarah, so he doesn't know why she would say they were living together.

After I spoke with Jay, I called my mom again. She still sounded pissed but this time I could hear my sister crying in the background and my dad yelling to get our asses over there. Our being Jay and I presumably. Well as I told my mother earlier, I didn't have Jay's ass and I don't like to drive at night so I told them I would go the next morning. That also gave me time to gather any evidence I could to prove my innocence. Jay even sent me a copy of his lease to prove that he and Sarah do not live together.

I went to my parents' alone because Jay has a job. As soon as I arrived, my parents started yelling at me. Just the usual stuff, that I was disrespectful but they never expected this from me. How dare you do this to your own sister? You know she already has a hard time, why make her life harder? My dad even called me a whore! That was fun.

I kind of just sat there and did the math on how much faster I would be able to finish my grad program and flee the country, or at least the state. I wasn't very tuned in until my mom told me that if Sarah lost her job because of me, that I would need to financially support her until she found another one. That's when I snapped and told them that if they thought I was going to do that then they were as delusional as my sister. Missing one day of work because of a tantrum over something that didn't even happen was not going to get her fired.

My dad said that Sarah had been missing work to make sure that Jay wasn't leaving work early to go see me. I found out, my sister also told them that Jay was missing a lot of work so he wasn't taking enough home for their bills so they had been sending her rent money for months. I told them it wasn't true and I showed them the lease Jay sent, where it clearly says the day the lease started and when it ends. It also had his address which is not the same as Sarah's.

My mom brought Sarah out of her room, where she had apparently been this entire time, and told her to explain herself. Sarah said that he probably got that other apartment so that he could be closer to me when he went on supposed business trips. First of all, Jay is a software developer, I don't know what business trips he would go on. Second, nice way to find out that my sister doesn't even know where I live because Jay's apartment is almost an hour away from mine. I showed my parents that on google maps and they finally started to believe me.

Sarah started crying and calling me a liar. My dad told me that even if what I said was true, I shouldn't have been so hard on Sarah and that as her sister I should be helping her when she's having a rough time like this. I told him I wasn't a therapist but if she ever decided to get help, I would pitch in. I left after that, there was nothing else I needed to say and there was no point in waiting on an apology. My dad looked uncomfortable and my mom was too busy consoling my sister to notice me leaving.

I haven't talked to them since that. Sorry if you were expecting a fun update where I somehow got revenge on my sister or something crazy and petty. If you have questions I'll probably answer. Thanks for caring though, and those of you that shared your own stories under my original post: damn, sorry you went through that.

Relevant Comments

wineandsmut: Has your dad seriously not apologised to you for calling you a whore? I'm sorry for what you and Jay are dealing with just for hanging out. Your family seems to really suck.

I do hope you told Jay that apparently she is following him though.

OOP: I told Jay everything after that whole thing. He said he was going to try to get a restraining order.

smurfgrl417: Have you always known your sister was the Golden Child? Is that why you prepped your proof? You were so prepared to defend yourself it seems you've done it alot.

EDIT: Also, your parents are not concerned that bitch stalked and harassed a man OUT OF HIS HOME? Has your sister ever faced any consequences?

OOP: I'm used to not being believe so yeah that's why I went prepared. I don't know what's up with my parents right now, I haven't spoken to them since then. The only time I've seen my parents angry at my sister was when she crashed the family car, so yes she has faced at least one consequence.

----NEW UPDATE----

: June 1, 2024 (1 year later)

I don’t really know how to start this post but I felt obligated to write an update after everyone sent me so much love and support. There were a couple of questions I saw were pending when I logged back in so I’ll answer those first.

Jay got a permanent restraining order against my sister. It took some months and a lot more harassment but he does have that now. As for why my sister was lying to get money from our parents, I couldn’t tell you. I don’t know where all the money was going but I’m pretty sure that she lied because she didn’t want them to be disappointed in her.

A lot has happened but to sum up, my sister was arrested for violating the restraining order and breaking into my home. My parents were furious with me after I didn’t help bail her out. They blame me for her getting arrested and getting fired from the three jobs she’s had since my last post. Since then, I have not had any contact with my mom or my sister. My dad called to wish me a happy new year but that’s about it.

Also, I finished my master’s and after countless job applications and rejections, I finally found a job in my field! It’s far away from where I currently live which is a major plus. I’m sad to be leaving my friends but I’m so excited to start this new chapter in my life.

I think overall, I am in a much better place mentally than I was when I first came on to write my post. I intended to use reddit as a tool for journaling but I think that didn’t really work for me, so I’ve found different methods to express and reflect on my feelings and situations. I think I’ll still use my account but probably just for trivial things that will hopefully not get very much attention.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am not the OOP. The OOP is posting in

Concluded as per OOP

1 update - Medium

- 3rd April 2024

- 6th June 2024

My 29f boyfriend 29m recently passed away and I have found things that point out that he may have been cheating on me. I don't know what to do, should I investigate further and find out the truth?

Tldr: My boyfriend of 3 years passed away, we had a wonderful relationship but now there is a possibility that he was cheating on me.

So I was with my boyfriend for 3 years we had a beautiful and perfect relationship he was a wonderful man in every way and just a month ago he died tragically and unexpectedly, both his family and I have been devastated and inconsolable for this. We were going to move in together and he was taken from me.

About 2 weeks ago her mother approached me with a box that she found while cleaning his room he would occasionally visit her and he used to stay overnight so his room was kept intact like when he lived permanently there. She had decided to tidy up and clean his room because she was in a better state and she found a box with the initial of my name she didn't open it but could see superficially that they were things like letters some dried roses among other things that she decided not to look at further because thought they were my things or about us so she thought it would be best to give it to me and I could review those things alone.

I thanked her but I didn't feel ready to see all these things so I put the box away. A couple of days ago I went to visit his grave as I got closer I could see a woman there I immediately stopped to see if I could recognize her but it was not a family member or friend she had brought flowers and I could see that she was crying I was afraid to approach since I didn't know who she was and I simply waited at a safe distance she left after a few minutes and didn't even turn to look at me. Well, it seemed obvious to me that I don't know her.

That whole night I couldn't sleep thinking about this woman, who is she? Where did she know him from? I knew all his family, friends and people from his work and I didn't recognize her from anywhere I couldn't be calm or sleep those days because I thought of many possibilities and he was no longer there so I could ask him. I decided to go to his friends and tell them what happened. As soon as I described the woman, they looked at each other nervously and seemed to know who it was but they didn't say anything. I insisted and cried a lot, I told them that I deserved to know if I had the wrong image of my boyfriend.

Finally, they told me that it was his ex and one of them confessed to having informed her about his death and his resting place because he believed that he would have liked it she went to see him I felt like my heart fell to my feet I asked everything I could it turns out that they had studied together since elementary school and my boyfriend had been in love with her since then in high school they started a relationship that lasted approximately 4 years and then they were on and off until just 2 years before we started a relationship he told me that according to what they knew they had cut off all contact 5 years ago but they didn't know for sure if this was true I asked him for his name and his name begins with the same initial as mine so now I don't know what to think I don't know if I should contact her to ask if she was with my boyfriend at the same time as me I know that the first thing I should do is check that damn box and see if there are any of my things or things about her but I can't, I'm so afraid of destroying this image I had of my boyfriend of the man I thought he was. I don't know what to do I was already devastated to lose him but now I could also lose all the beautiful memories I have of him if I finally found out that he was cheating on me. His friends tell me to leave the issue alone because he is no longer here to defend himself

Comments

DearDorothy

This seems above reddits pay grade honestly. Have you thought of finding a therapist who has a lot of experience in grief?

It sounds like you haven’t gone into the box so you don’t even know if they were in contact. It’s common to still grieve for your ex, even if you were no contact. It’s also common to retain mementos from past relationships, especially young ones. My highschool partner died a couple years ago and even though I’ve been 0 contact for years I still went through some grieving.

Did he give you anything to be suspicious of when he was alive?

Dexterdacerealkilla

My first serious boyfriend who was an ex of about 2 years died suddenly. I was in another relationship at the time, and hadn’t really kept in touch with the ex (we had friend of friends) but I absolutely went to the funeral and couldn’t imagine missing it.

I honored the place in my heart that he had, along with our past together. I don’t ever think we would have been happy together in the long term, but I absolutely still (almost two decades later) still feel a gut punch of sadness when I think about such a young promising life lost.

So from my perspective, his ex visiting his grave is hardly a testament to her continued contact with or even feelings for him.

OOP:Well, there was an incident when I found him an Instagram account that I didn't know about but he told me it was one he had created to upload photographs of his work, so I didn't question it anymore. Other than that as I mentioned he was a wonderful man, but recent events are making my mind imagine many scenarios I can't control it.

Update - 2 months later

Hi, it's been a little while since I was here totally paranoid about something absurd to be honest when I made the post I expected a different reaction like people saying "open the box go and confront the ex-girlfriend!" I was looking for support because I knew it was crazy. I'm very happy to have found such kind people who cared about me without knowing me.

After posting I really knew I wasn't okay and I had to take care of my mental health the first thing I did was call my mom and tell her I needed help because I was going downhill she came in less than an hour that whole night I cried in her arms afterwards she helped me find out about a psychologist and we also found a thanatologist, we were able to schedule an appointment a few days later so far I had a few sessions I won't lie and say I'm fine now because I still feel like life sucks for taking it away from me and sometimes I feel like I'm floating disconnected of the world or I forget that he is no longer here and my first instinct is to look for him or call him if something happens to me, it is being difficult but at least I already asked for help and I am receiving it. So I'm in a better place now but there's still a long way to go and I know I have to do it without him.

Regarding the box I thought about returning it to his mom but I really thought it was most likely about his ex (it was) and I didn't want his mom to feel bad for giving me something that wasn't mine I decided to give it to his friend and for him to get her into the right hands, he has truly been a rock for me even though he is also grieving because he lost his best friend (they were friends since high school and studied the same in college).

The general reason for this update is that a few days ago I spoke with her, I know, I know that everyone was against contacting her but it was not intentional and the truth is, beyond hurting myself, I felt much better afterwards. I ended up seeing her again in the cemetery I approached her at first she just looked at me confused when I told her who I was she just saw me the way everyone sees me lately with pity.

We were silent for what seemed like an eternity and then she started telling me something funny about him when he was a kid she told me a lot of things that I didn't know about him I must say she was very kind and sweet and she is so much like him in personality and maybe it's because they grew up together or because I feel so desperate to find him somewhere but I really felt that they had the same way of speaking and the same sense of humor, even though she was very afraid to talk about their time as a couple it ended me telling me a little about them she told me that for some reason or another they were never able to fit together as a couple even though they loved each other so they decided to walk away before getting hurt.

It turns out that the last time they spoke was 2 years ago when he wrote to congratulate her on her wedding, they didn't talk much beyond wishing each other the best. She told me that she was glad that he had found a person like me and that he had been happy. Also thanked me for the box she said that it contains very valuable things for her. That was all. There was no infidelity and she only confirmed that he was a wonderful person and I was very lucky to have met him. The only thing that made me sad was that even though he was always the best with me, I came to doubt his integrity as a person. Now I just have to continue with the therapy and try hard to learn to live without him. Thank you all.

Comments

Wchijafm

Had to Google this but for others: A thanatologist is someone who studies death and dying from multiple perspectives—medical, physical, psychological, spiritual, ethical, and more. Professionals in a wide range of disciplines use thanatology to inform their work, from doctors and coroners to hospice workers and grief counselors.

marblefree

I am glad you got closure. I'm a widow and it can be so difficult. It's the stupid stuff like a show recording that he watched or a new song coming out from a band he liked. Sending hugs.

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

Context

is a subreddit focused around the discussion of GameStop (Hereinafter "GME") the stock; it became the predominant forum for GME holders after .

Recently, the main influencer of GME, DeepFuckingValue, came back from a multi year hiatus and began posting again. Given the circumstances of GameStop stock suddenly increasing in value, the company decided to issue new shares in order to raise additional capital at the expense of diluting the share count.

Why are the apes particularly upset? For those not in the loop and to offer a grossly oversimplification, most of the apes believe that GameStop will eventually be worth trillions of dollars per share after the great M.O.A.S.S. event occurs. With this idea in mind, they have come up with a myriad of ways of trying to cause this event to happen. The primary method of which is to copy the language of cryptocurrency

Buy

HODL until the great wealth transfer and/or reckoning

As a result of this mentality, many apes have committed to DRSing their shares, which primarily has an effect of making it vastly harder to sell their shares and providing GME the opportunity to report how many DRS'd shares exist. This kind of The latest documents pertaining to how many reported DRS shares listed 75 million shares (at 15.5 USD per share) representing a portfolio of over 1 billion USD at the time of reporting. The apes theorized that this method will eventually help cause MOASS by 'proving' something (Naked shorts, fake shares, float is locked etc.)

For the sake of brevity, I won't be completely defining all of the financial words being used here, because it's quite frankly a vast rabbit hole that isn't needed to understand the drama taking place.

Sadly, GameStop distributed 45+75 million shares with the latest offerings, effectively negating over 3 years of accumulation by the apes in their attempt to cause M.O.A.S.S. through this method (Unless you put on the tinfoil and say that the DRS count is grossly underestimated), hence leading to this drama where the apes try to figure out what could possibly be going on.

Definitions

GME: GameStop's stock ticker

M.O.A.S.S. (Mother Of All Short Squeezes): The event that causes every holder of GameStop to become infinitely wealthy; This isn't a sarcastic, there is a non-minority amount of apes who believe in the ability for GameStop to be worth more than the GDP of the entire world.

RK / Roaring Kitty or DFV / DeepFuckingValue: Considered a figure in the community that apes follow, he will be mentioned in these posts as he recently came back from a multiyear hiatus, but otherwise all you need to know is that he's one of the two individuals that cannot be insulted.

RC / Ryan Cohen: The current CEO of GameStop; the other individual that cannot be insulted and will be the main target in the upcoming linked drama, as he's the person with the power to cause the dilution in the first place.

Paperhands: To sell your holdings; selling is a socially discouraged move

DD: Generally used as broadly gesturing "there's due diligence that supports/rejects your conclusion"

Popcorn: Referring to AMC Theaters

AA - Adam Aron: The CEO of AMC, usually referenced in these discussions because he "sold out" the popcorn apes by diluting the AMC stock for money.

Shill: You might already know the definition of this word, but apes usually use this word for people against the idea of MOASS

Short(s): A financial term for describing someone that would make money from a stock given the stock falls in price. MOASS requires that shorts exist and in large amounts, because otherwise it would be real hard for a MOASS if there was no short squeeze. Can also be used to describe someone against GME

Hedgies: Shortform for "hedgefunds", a catch-all term for any organization against the success of GME / MOASS

HODL / Diamond Hands: Cryptocurrency and lingo for "not selling"

Float: Financial term for the amount of shares that are distributed to investors for purchasing and moving around; MOASS requires that the float be 'small' or 'locked up' by people

The arguments are many

Check my post history. I've been here since the beginning and imo I am about as far from a shill as one can get without being DFV or one of the top wrinkle brains.

Author's note: Drink a shot every time you see a loyalty test

RC is a billionaire, you do not become a billionaire without exploitation. You should have known he was not your ally.

I think we know more about our CEO than the user that has not been in this sub at all over the last three years. Are you even a GME investor or you just show up now to start talking fud? The DD still stands.

You’re exactly the problem that the OP is addressing

For pointing out that accounts claiming to have “been here from the beginning” have not, actually, been here at all? We’re all individual investors. If you or OP or anyone else has lost faith that the company aligns with your interests, don’t let us crayon eaters stop you. By all means, sell your position and walk. Short it, I don’t care. Coming here and screaming the roof is on fire over something we voted to let the company do? When their plans aren’t yet known? Over a failed gamma ramp that’s just another in a long line of failed gamma ramps? Sounds like this isn’t the investment for you, bye ✌️.

Are you really comparing popcorn to gme? GTFO. Man, between the shills, cry babies, and delusional people, this whole thread is a mess. You think it's the company's fault? If you have a high cost basis? Nobody made you buy at any price point. Literally a month ago shares were selling for $10. Now they made a bunch of money and the shares are 2.8 times what they were selling for a month ago. What in the hell you talking about?

Meh. I’m not a shill. You’re kind of a jerk if you get bent out of shape at people if every time GME seems poised to run, the company issues more shares. That’s about the only thing popcorny here.

"Every time". LOL. Please, lay out your examples. This is absolutely not true. Gme has run up and come back down a number of times without any action or intervention by the company at all. I'm not going to argue with you about me being a jerk. Sometimes I am. You definitely have memory issues or are delusional though. Seriously, lay out for me the dates when gme was poised to run up and then the company diluted the stock "Everytime". I've been following the stock for years man. A line like that might work on somebody new but anybody who's been following the stock knows you're full of BS.

Said if. You’re a jerk. Blocked

I'm a long-term holder and have been for over 2 years, holder of GME for over 3. The fact that you can even say MOASS is not likely and be fine with it is disturbing. I didn't buy into GME for some regular long-term play. I bought GME for MOASS. No MOASS and I'm gone.

Then you should be gone? MOASS is only possible, like in the real world where real numbers and real money exists, if the entire financial industry crumples, and the federal government pays out people who own one particular stock, but not the rest. You have to believe in a world where Intel, Boeing, Ford, et al would be last in line for federal guarantees, but GameStop would be first. You have to believe all of that for MOASS to be real. So, why are you still holding?

Lol I'm not entertaining an actual shill comment. I'll disagree and argue with other apes but you can fuck right off.

I’m not a bot or shill. You can check my post history. I never expected this to blow up either. Figured posting late on Friday was going to be pretty dead but just seeking some consensus of thoughts based on todays events

In the last 14 minutes this post has gone from 2800 to almost 3700 upvotes (1:16am to 1:30am). You also have over 250 comments and you’ve only replied to 4. 3 of them are accusing you of bot upvotes and karma farming. The 4th one asked what price you plan to sell at and you answered that you have a price in mind with 3 digits. Sorry you’re sus. That upvote rate seems unrealistic this late at night, and your few responses to comments are sus. Mods if you see this might want to look into this post and guy. For reference, I posted a Happy Birthday post to DFV with a clip from his stream today not long after this post. DFVs birthday got 160 upvotes in the same time (while being #1 in rising), yet you got 3700 with no content, just doesn’t make sense.

No asking questions allowed! Only blind, cultish faith!

Never said that, but you do you. I'm not "questioning" leadership until there is a concrete reason to. Hardly cultish faith.

Plenty of concrete reasons to. But if you’re holding your ears and eyes closed, you can’t tell the difference

Are you so regarded that you think companies can magically transform their business without cash???

You are missing his point. This is about giving lives to short when they appeared to be cornered. Not once, twice, but 3 times. RC couldve done it at any other time but at the short killing momentum. How do we know if the 4th aint coming? What would you say if the 4th one is coming at the next up?

I'd say fuck yes, keep generating cash?

That is not a retail friendly way to generate cash my guy.

Maybe RC can start an onlyfans? How else would you propose we generate 5 billion dollars?

Sounds like you should team up with Jim and suck some horses!

[Deleted user, removed comment]

Buddy, if you don't know what you've invested in, maybe that's a sign it isn't for you. For me I know I've invested in a company with management I personally trust, transitioning away from a legacy business with a rabidly passionate investor base. There's also an added bonus of Wall Street likely being heavily short the stock which may accelerate the timeframe on my ROI.

Added bonus? You got the whole story wrong here, buddy. We are here for the MOASS,the business is the added bonus. Not the other way around. No one was thinking about the business in January 2021, no one was kissing RCs ass, we came for the MOASS and to punish some hedgies. I don't know how you got it all mixed up.

Short kill shot? He did the opppsite lmao. He gave them shares to get out without a squeeze. Literally did The opposite of a killshot

The only killshot is turning the company around into a successful profit churning machine. Why would shorts ever close otherwise? They would just short the top of the squeeze again and walk away with more.

lol. Do you not see how ridiculous you sound? This sub is one million strong. Do you think this sub has a million people because “GME is a long term investment”? Honestly this is peak delusion. There are literally hundreds, if not thousands of company that have a better growth prospect than GameStop. You’re fucked if you can’t see that. Like this sub has more people subscribed than the NVDA sub, but you’re actually regarded if you think GME has a better growth prospect than NVDA. There is no reason to be here if you want to invest in GME long term. They don’t even have a fucking plan lmao. But yea, blindly trust Ryan Cohen. GME is dead if there is no MOASS.

What is a shill to you though? Anyone who doesn’t share your sentiment? Because that’s what I’ve been seeing on this sub for a long time. I have been here for 3 1/2 years and I am pissed about the share dilution. That doesn’t make me a shill, it makes me a human being with an opinion. Jesus Christ.

The ones who are now saying they don't trust RC. Here's something to consider: The Hedgies were definitely gonna short it & drive the price down before, during & after the live stream. Absolutely no question about that. GameStop announced the ATM, and have either sold or not sold. If they sold, they did it when the momentum was gonna get killed, anyway. Which is really the best time to do it. Sort of like ripping the band-aid off all at once. They raise capital & won't have to worry about killing momentum later. If they didn't sell, then all of Friday's movement rests squarely on the Hedgies manipulating the price. Retail didn't cause those moves. This just further proves the manipulation. Plus, GME can now sell 75 million shares during MOASS to create a HUGE war chest for future improvements.

Shill

Hey shill check your post from 2 yrs ago that’s how I feel today but not by some big bad hedgies it’s worse it was done by my CEO.

The fact that you bothered to go through my posts that long is a strong indication you’re not a regular person because nobody who isn’t paid is going to that effort. This is the last response I’m bothering to give you

Lmao shill ass dude

get a real job

Actually this time is different RC printing shares and diluting. Dude literally scraped away all DRS value. Not shitting on GameStop but definitely want to know why he scraped $3-6 Billion away from shareholders

Then why do yall worship the guy?

He’s a fucking ceo of the company we invested in. Worship is such a loaded word that is meant to cause an emotional reaction in us and you. You’re actually the deluded one if you think about it for a few minutes… he’s our ceo and we trust him.

Its not a loaded word lmao. You dont treat RC the way you have ever treated the ceo of literally any other company you ever invested in, and you know that. You can pretend that you just love the company you havent shopped at for years all you want. You're in this sub for the squeeze just like everyone else.

So you think being pissed about share dilution is a shill tactic? Guess what. When I woke up yesterday morning and saw the news I knew the price was going to drop and kill the ITM options. I didn’t care about that. What I cared about was the dilution. No one told me this, no one shilled. I came to a realization on my own. Share dilution sucks. The good thing is that if gme has 5 billion in the bank, that means that there are almost 12 bucks per share and nearly no debt. So that should be the absolute minimum it can go now. Bad thing is that our shares are each a smaller percentage of the company and if we want to 100% lock the float we have to buy up more than 100 million more shares. That sucks. I’m also pissed about the timing. That sucked too. I hold but I’m tired. I think we deserve answers soon. We’re not just a billionaires cash machine

You have to break a few eggs if you want to make an omelette. I think there's a lot more to this situation than any of us know. We'll find out in due time.

There’s always a super secret plan that we can’t tell you until it’s time. I hope you’re right but I’m starting to get tired of this

Then bail out. Seriously. If you don't trust the leadership and you don't trust RC and you feel negative about the company then why are you invested in it? I don't get it. What's with you people who think RC and the leadership is terrible, but you're invested in them? Never invest in a company that I didn't trust the leadership. That would be insane. No offense but if you feel that bearish then why don't you get out? Personally after yesterday I'm even more bullish. More bullish than I ever have been before and I'm very excited about the next two weeks.

You know what? This place Is a fucking cult! “Leave if you don’t like it!” Jesus bro.

If you really don't trust them then it is very good advice to not invest. Why would you invest in a company that you don't trust? Seriously! I would never never never do that. I do trust the leadership and that's why I'm here.

Blind trust is absolute stupidity

I agree with you. Are you commenting on yourself?

I’m the one asking questions, ya dumb shit

Shill

Yea I’m the shill look at my post history 😂

Not going to waste effort but if you’re tired of holding just sell and get out. Spending your free time trying to spread angst is weird as fuck when the scenario objectively has never been bullish

I am not The OOP, OOP is

WIBTA if I skipped my sister's wedding?

Originally posted to & OOP's own page

TRIGGER WARNING: emotional abuse and manipulation, verbal abuse, neglect, harassment, controlling behavior, golden child syndrome

  May 31, 2023

Throwaway account + fake names.

I (23m) am one of seven kids. There's Lydia (31f), Josh (28m), Leo (25m), me, then Erin (21f), Nadia (18f), and the surprise child Lexie (4f). With that many siblings, it's easy to get lost in the crowd. Some of us have our 'positions,' so to speak. Lydia's the oldest, Lexie's the baby, I have a kid (yes, that's my descriptor. OP: gave us a grandchild). Erin is the golden child. She was the last planned child, the one supposed to tie up our family. She was born premature so I understand that my parents coddled her to an extent, but it's more than that now.

Erin's getting married and recently told us that she's brought the date forward due to a cancellation. No big deal, it just means they're getting married sooner. But the new date lands on the date of Nadia's HS graduation. Erin was sympathetic, but said she's already committed to the date, they've printed the invitations. My parents normally go overboard on our HS grads, but they said that they'd just have to miss Nadia's. We were all sympathetic, but it wasn't intentional.

Or so I thought. But Nadia later told me and Leo that she was there when Erin got the call about the cancellation and told Erin that she was graduating that day, but Erin just laughed and accepted the date anyway. This, as much as I hate to admit it, sounds like a very Erin thing to do. She booked her engagement part for the night of Nadia's 18th birthday (luckily, she wasn't celebrating until the weekend). She announced her engagement at my oldest sister's wedding anniversary. Everything is about her.

I confronted Erin about this, and she said that Nadia's HS graduation didn't matter. She wanted to get married to the love of her life sooner—and our family had been to plenty of HS graduations at this point, anyway. She said something like, "we still have Lexie." But here's what gets me the most: Nadia's been looking forward to this for so long. She's watched all of us graduate and have these huge celebrations thrown by our parents. I asked Nadia what she wanted, and she said she wanted to have her day.

So, I told my family that me and Nadia won't be attending the wedding. Leo has also dropped out. Everyone's angry. Erin's furious, and I didn't make it better by telling her that I could watch our other siblings get married, since it's all the same in her eyes. Mom's trying to convince me to come to the wedding because 'graduation isn't as important' but I feel like if I don't do this then it sets a precedent in Nadia's life that she's always going to mean less than Erin. I've had messages calling me an asshole, an idiot, etc. They're telling me to step up and be a good brother, but that's what I'm doing. My son is supposed to be ring bearer but with how my family is reacting, I'm considering pulling him out of the wedding, too. My dad's told Nadia he'll take her to dinner after the wedding. Nadia's currently staying with me because mom won't stop cornering her.

AITA?

VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE

  June 11, 2023

It's two days after D-Day and I finally come bearing an update! I've had to condense it quite a bit because a lot has happened. Before I start, Nadia wanted me to thank everyone who congratulated her on her graduation. She was overwhelmed by the support you all gave her, especially after she faced such opposition from our family.

So, let's start. Last Friday, Leo and I went to speak to our parents and Erin. I wanted to tell them that I'd be pulling my son from the wedding. Our older siblings ended up turning up as well, so it was us four standing up for Nadia. Leo had spoken to them the night before, and helped them see things more clearly from Nadia's eyes. Apparently, it didn't sink in with them that Erin chose the date intentionally.

There was a lot of yelling. Erin accused me of trying to sabotage her wedding, our parents tried to convince me to let them take my son to the wedding, but I stood my ground. I felt a lot stronger with my older siblings with me. There's only two years between me and Erin after all, I'm not much of an older brother.

Luckily, Lydia was there. Her words carry more weight as the eldest and she didn't give Erin or my parents room to argue as she told them that Erin chose the date intentionally, admitted as much in front of me and Leo, and that this was normal behaviour for her. Lydia told them that if they continued to favor Erin so blatantly, the rest of us would go no-contact—and Lexie would likely follow in the future.

Our dad started yelling. Not at us, but at Erin, surprisingly. I've never seen him so angry before, and to see it directed at Erin was... shocking. Our mom asked us to leave. We didn't hear from anyone on that side until Monday when Erin's fiancé George asked to meet us at our parents'. He apologised to Nadia. He didn't know that the wedding and graduation overlapped, nor did he know that it was something Erin did on purpose. Our dad was the one to tell him.

What followed was a long talk between us, during which we all aired our grievances. I told our parents that we all felt that they valued Erin more. That none of us mattered to them compared to her. Her artwork always went up on the fridge, ours always went in the drawer. I told them that, as a parent, I could never imagine treating my child like that.

Erin tried to argue. She tried to tell us that we were trying to turn her into a bad guy, trying to turn our parents against her, trying to sabtoage her wedding. Our mom told her to be quiet, that it was our time to talk. George stepped in to tell us that he didn't expect us to attend the wedding, but we were welcome to attend the reception. He went so far as to say that he wished he could have cancelled the wedding altogether, but it'd only cost him more money that he'd spent by bringing it forward.

Mom's willingness to hear us out lasted less than 24 hours. By Tuesday, she was begging us to reconsider. Apparently our feelings meant nothing in the face of Erin's dire stress and the fact that people would be questioning our absence on the big day. I haven't spoken to my mom since, but I did ask my dad to bring my some of Nadia's things because she is going to be staying with me full-time.

We have officially gone no-contact with our mother.

Dad took Nadia out for an early-graduation celebration on Wednesday. They had a daddy-daughter date that I think she really needed. He apologised for a lot of things and told her he wanted to do the same with the rest of us. But Wednesday was about her. I'm happy she got that one-on-one time with him. She was happy coming home to me. In our sibling group chat, she said that she really thinks dad is going to try to mend bridges with us, even if mom won't.

Dad also turned up early yesterday morning (I'm talking... 6.30 a.m.) to give Nadia flowers. He told her that he was proud of her. George even called while he was getting ready for his big day to congratulate Nadia, which I really appreciated.

We didn't hear from mom or Erin. Our paternal grandma ended up coming to the graduation with us.

It was a great day. Like, a really great day. We didn't think about the wedding, didn't think about Erin. We just had fun together. My son got to wear his aunt's cap and gown and nearly drowned in the fabric. Our grandma tried on the cap, too. We took photos and sent them to our dad, who posted them in a Facebook post he wrote to congratulate both Erin on her wedding and Nadia on her graduation and we laughed about how it must have pissed off our newly wedded sister. We went out for dinner and we, as siblings, gifted Nadia money for a week away with her best friend, which somebody suggested in a comment on the initial post.

I texted George my congratulations. Despite everything, I do hope he and Erin are happy together. While she might not love us, I don't doubt that Erin loves him. Yes, she wants her spotlight and her moment, but I don't think she's marrying him just for that. Bringing the wedding forward? Sure, that's a hugely malicious tactic to bring herself more attention. Marrying him for the sake of having a wedding? She isn't that type of narcissist.

As of right now, I plan on staying no-contact with my mom unless she makes some big changes. This is a sentiment shared not only by the majority of my siblings, but is also encouraged by our dad and grandma. She's tried reaching out to me and my partner, mostly berating us for not attending the wedding and accusing us of planning to keep her grandchild away from her.

At the moment, our summer looks busy! We're planning on filling it with as many family outings as possible before Nadia leaves for college. We've also got Josh's 29th birthday to plan! Our dad's even joining in! This might cause a bigger rift between him and mom, but for now, at least, it looks like we're his priority. Lydia's threat really did something to him.

Thanks everyone who left comments on the original post! I know they really cheered Nadia up when she was worrying about whether or not she was doing the right thing by choosing herself. Part of me wishes we could've taken this stand earlier, but it took us a while to find our voices. Looking into the future, I do see two empty spaces at my own wedding, but I also see five siblings cheering my on. I'm happy with that.

  Oct 31, 2023

It's been about 5 months since I've last posted, and I've had some requests for an update, so I figured I'd sit down and write one up. Bare in mind, a lot can happen in 5 months, and that's definitely true for this!

Let me start off with July. Erin and George went on their Honeymoon, and their absence sent our Mom into a frenzy. She wasn't used to having no one around; someone was always visiting. Mostly Erin, but the rest of us would visit out of obligation and to see Nadia and Lexie. With Erin on her Honeymoon and the rest of us NC, Mom had no visitors and she really didn't like that. Literally the DAY after Erin left, we started getting bombarded with phone calls. She tried convincing Nadia first, which Lydia thought was a strategic move because Nadia is the more timid of all of us and, thus, more likely to be persuaded. When Nadia turned her down, she turned her sights on the rest of us. We all got identical phone calls with her trying to persuade us to go visit her, to understand her, to see things from Erin's perspective. She even brought up the circumstances of Erin's premature birth and how it was a miracle that she was even here. Josh told her to 'do better with Lexie.' Lydia blocked her number.

When the phone calls didn't work, she started turning up at our homes. She continued spewing much of the same shit she had over the phone and before the wedding. She didn't understand what she'd done so wrong, why we were treating her like this. She called me ungrateful and disrespectful. She accused us of harbouring 'unnecessary jealousy' towards Erin and that she loved us all equally. I didn't respond to these comments. I was just trying to prevent her from going inside and saying the same things to Nadia, who was with my partner and son in the living room. Her comments didn't deserve a response, and when she was done I asked her to leave as calmly as I could, but truthfully, I felt a little like crying. But who wouldn't feel shitty with their mom yelling in their face like that, trying to downplay years of pain and calling it 'unnecessary jealousy?'

My siblings and I have been let down time and time again by her and our dad ever since Erin was born. They missed out on so many things over the years, both big and small. But we had one thing. One thing. One thing that they never missed and we were happy with just that one thing, and that was our HS Graduations, but they couldn't give that to Nadia. All we had were our HS Graduations. They missed Josh's college graduation because Erin broke her leg. It was an accident, I get that, but they never made it up to him. They never celebrated this huge achievement afterwards, and he just had to grin and bear it. Our Mom didn't turn up to my partner's babysitter after making such a huge fuss about it because Erin didn't want to go and wanted them to get their nails done together instead.

But our jealousy is unnecessary?

Sorry.

I don't know how I managed to stay calm when she was yelling at me, but I did. Asking her to leave made her switch tactics though, and she started calling out for my son, trying to coax him to go to her and telling me that she had a right to see her grandson. My partner stepped in then, because she was seething, and took my place at the door. Mom yelled some more but she left when my partner threatened to call the cops.

Mom repeated this song and dance with my older siblings but similarly got nowhere with them.

Then came the Facebook posts. Indirect rants about ungrateful people and how shocking it is that 'some kids' could turn against their parents so easily. Erin somehow got involved while on her honeymoon and called Lydia to scold her for being mean to our mom. But as I've said before, Lydia is angry and she's had enough. Whatever she said to Erin prevented her from calling the rest of us.

There was then a Facebook post about how much it hurt to be kept from a grandchild. Now, there were no names mentioned, but there is only one grandchild and that is my son. My mom's sister called me. There was yelling. I blocked the number.

I know Dad was trying to convince our Mom to just... leave us alone. He kept apologizing because she just wasn't listening to him.

Erin came home after two weeks.  She tried reaching out to Lydia again, asking for us all to talk because, and this is a quote from Lydia, 'clearly you (we) all have some issues to work out.' We did not turn up. Erin was very angry at that because she's not used to us turning up for her.

July wasn't all bad though. While our Mom was on a rampage, our Dad was still trying to do better by us. And he's improved a lot! In July, he and I went out for a meal together, just the two of us, and grabbed a drink, and he apologized. It wasn't a generic apology that he could've repeated to all of us, about how he's sorry that he hurt us and neglecting us, but he brought up specific instances that he wanted to apologize for. He thought back on all those years and picked out moments that he wanted to apologize to me for. I know he did the same for the others, but having him apologize for things like cancelling a fishing trip because Erin 'needed him' was something I wasn't expecting.

And I never really cared for fishing, but I wanted to go on that trip because I always saw it on TV, you know? I'd always see a dad and son fishing together and I wanted to have that. I wanted dad to prove that I was a priority to him somewhere deep down. It didn't happen, and I never asked again.

But we went fishing in July. What started as a trip between the two of us soon grew into a family day out when my siblings expressed an interest in going fishing, too. My brothers first, then Nadia, and even Lydia who hates the smell of fish. Dad brought Lexie and I brought my son, and it was great. It was one of the best days of my life. I suck at fishing, but I'm pretty great at collecting seashells. It was brilliant.

Our parents did end up arguing when Dad went home. I wasn't there, so I don't know every little detail, but from what Dad told me, the argument was mostly because Mom didn't understand why we were still in contact with him and not her. She found it insulting that we were repairing our relationship with him. She was angry that Dad wasn't pushing us to forgive her, or why he wasn't stopping us from 'acting out.' She was angry that he didn't extend an invitation to her and Erin for the fishing trip, and she was even angrier when he explained that their presence would make us uncomfortable.

Josh turned 29 and the end of July.  We booked an escape room for the five of us siblings, then we met our dad and partners for dinner that evening. Josh introduced us to his new partner for the first time. All of our attention was on Josh, the day was completely about him, which was a first for our family. Then there was a party thrown for him by his friends which I came out of with a massive hangover.

Mom started giving us the silent treatment in the middle of August. Dad moved out in September. While we were getting the silent treatment, Dad was baring the brunt of her anger and it really took it out of him. He was trying to do better by us and she was trying to villainise us, and he ultimately told her that if she didn't take accountability for her actions soon, then he'd be contacting a lawyer. Mom didn't take him seriously. He's been staying in Lydia's guest room since. Mom doubled down and said that he was blind for not seeing how we were manipulating him. Unlike the rest of us, Dad obviously still has regular contact with Erin—and according to him, she's even told Mom to reconsider. Unsurprisingly, Erin's involvement is what got Mom to relent. I'm not sure if she's thinking about how she's treated us, or if she's silently stewing. I know she asked Dad if he's going to move back home but he said that it was better for them to have space right now. Personally, I'm struggling to see an outcome where our Mom sincerely admits that she was in the wrong. I think she'll say it just to get Dad back home and the rest of us talking to her again. I don't think she'll ever hold us to the same level as Erin.

In brighter news, there's officially less than a year left until my own wedding. Currently, there is no place for my mom or Erin. My partner Jade and I are having our fathers wear ties that match me and my groomsmen, something I originally didn't plan to do, but I'm happy with the change. Nadia's settled in at college. She's made some new friends with kids in her classes, and she's enjoying. She's happy. Even though we have an active group chat, she facetimes me every few days just to talk. Most of what she says I've already read in the gc, but I'm always willing to listen to her stories again. Nadia never used to talk this much. She looks a lot happier now than she did five months ago.

I think that's everything. I'm sorry for the novel, but like I said, a lot can happen in five months.

NEW UPDATE

  June 1, 2024

So, it's been about 7 months since my last update and I thought one was well overdue! I actually intended on sitting down and writing one out a few months ago, but life got in the way. A lot has happened, most of it good, some of it not. I'm sure you can guess what or who the reason for the not good moments were.

Mom was silent through Lydia's birthday in October, but made a huge song and dance for Erin's in November. None of us make it a habit to check her social media accounts, and honestly we'd have blocked her if it weren't for Lexie, but Leo sent a screenshot in the group chat about a post she'd made. The post essentially painted Erin as the perfect child, her precious angel, and said how she'd always be proud of her. She didn't even mention Lydia on her page at all during her birthday, but I can't say I'm surprised.

Thanksgiving was different, but fun. We all drove out to our paternal grandparents' place a few hours away to spend it with them. Technically, it was supposed to be an in-law year, since Jade and I tend to switch who we spend it with so that neither one of our families were being left out, but she suggested we switch it up this year so that I could be with my siblings on the first big holiday since the fallout. My in-laws are great people and have been really supportive throughout all of this, and I'm really grateful for them, too. Mom didn't reach out to us on the day, but I could tell she was fuming. It didn't help that she was being asked questions after Lydia posted a Thanksgiving day photo that didn't include her or Erin.

In December, she started a group chat with all of us and Dad essentially telling us it was time to stop this 'petty drama' and focus on family. But none of us are stupid. We all know she wanted to show off her picture perfect family over Christmas, and how could she do that when all but two of her children can't stand to be near her? Erin was in the group, but didn't speak up, which was odd for her, but none of us really thought much of it at the time. Dad said he'd swing by to see Lexie, but he had no interest in spending Christmas with her until she was ready to admit to the pain they'd caused us. A week later, my birthday also went ignored by her, but that was fine. It only proved that she had no intention of admitting she was the bad guy.

She got more desperate as Christmas drew closer. The messages and phone calls started up again, but I could ignore those for the most part. What I couldn't ignore was coming home from work to find her on my doorstep. She told me she'd been waiting for ages, like I was expecting her visit and had done it intentionally... which, honestly, I probably would have given the state of our relationship. I'm just grateful my family wasn't home—Jade was on her way back from work herself, and our son with her parents. I didn't want to invite her inside, but honestly given how desperate she looked, I also didn't want to deal with her where my neighbors could see.

This woman told me that Christmas was about family and forgiveness. She told me I was taking it too far by keeping her grandson away from her, and how confused he must be without her. She said it like I was using my son to punish her. I told her it was better this way, because we all knew what'd happen if Erin had a child someday. My son would be pushed to the side like the rest of us were, and I didn't want that for him. She said I was being ridiculous and once again used that line, I love you all equally.

I asked her to leave, because nothing was changing my stance, and I wasn't going to be spending Christmas with her. She got angry. She started yelling, and while I want to say I kept my composure, I didn't. I started yelling too. The more I yelled, the more worked up I got, to the point that I started shedding tears. Reddit, this was years of hurt rushing to the surface. I don't think I will ever understand how she can claim to love us all equally but tell her crying son to stop being so dramatic. She left only when Jade came back and saw the state I was in. Jade's little but fierce and would do anything for me and my son, and I swear my mom left terrified of her that day.

The social media posts picked up again. She played victim, shared posts about children not respecting the sacrifices mothers make for them and stuff like that. She posted how we didn't appreciate all that she'd done for us, but we all ignored it. We did our own Christmas. Jade, our son, and I visited the in-laws on Christmas morning, watched our son and nieces open their presents there, and then went over to Lydia's house. She offered to host us all this year. Dad took his place in the kitchen, joined by his assistant chefs Josh and Lydia's husband.

We didn't see our Mom or Erin until January. Lexie turned 5, so there was a party, and we weren't about to punish our sister for the actions of the Demon that birthed us. So we went. There were some questions, but people didn't push when it was obvious that none of us wanted to get into it. Mom acted like everything was fine, but Erin stayed away from us. At the end of the party, as we were helping clean up, Mom said it was good that we were finally putting things behind us. Lydia told her the only thing we were putting behind us was her. That started her off again, but she quickly realized she was outnumbered and headed inside. That was when Erin approached us with her husband. Honestly, I was expecting her to tell us to go easy on our mom or something, but instead she apologized. She said she'd been doing a lot of thinking since all of this started, and she realized that treated us badly her whole life, and part of that was influenced by the way our parents treated her. She told us she didn't expect us to forgive her, but that she just wanted to tell us that she was sorry. We left a little while later.

There was silence at the end of January and in February for Leo and Nadia's birthdays, but we were expecting that. Our days never did matter to her, after all.

I got married in April without my mom present. It was hands down one of the best days of my life, second only to the birth of my son. Jade and I were surrounded by the people we cared about most and who cared about us in return. I had both of my brothers as my best men, Nadia and Lydia were bridesmaids, too. It was better than anything I could've imagined. Honestly, I'm still blown away by the fact I now get to call Jade my wife. It's been amazing. But, I'm sure you're all wondering how my mother handled this, and I can tell you plainly that she did not handle it well.

Truthfully, when we sent out invitations, part of me hoped that the news just... wouldn't get back to her? I hoped it'd go smoothly enough that I wouldn't actually have to talk to her about this decision, but of course that'd be too easy. She showed up a few days later banging on my door, demanding I talk to her. I went out. I didn't let her in, despite knowing that the neighbors could see us, and that was solely because I didn't want her inside my home where my son was. I didn't want her scaring him like she was undoubtedly doing. She demanded to know what I was playing at, how I could be so cruel, how I could exclude her from such a special day. I told her plainly that my wedding was a day for me to celebrate with my close loved ones, and she wasn't someone I considered close or a loved one anymore. She'd made her bed, she had to lie in it.

Part of me worried that she'd turn up at my wedding. She came by the house a few more times, but stopped when I threatened to call the cops. I didn't do it sooner because I guess I'm soft at heart and didn't want to see my mom in any trouble, but every time she showed up to spew some bullshit about me being a terrible son for doing this to her, it drained me. There were social media posts, of course. I had relatives reaching out to me to tell me I should invite her, what kind of son am I, etc., but they stopped when I told them I'd take back their invites, too. No one mentioned her at the wedding, and she didn't try showing up. She did, however, try to prevent Lexie from being a flower girl, like I promised, but Dad quickly nipped that in the bud.

Which takes me to the next point, my parents are officially over. Dad sent her divorce papers sometime in February, and I don't think he's looking back at all. This is something that also shocks me, because this time last year, he was much the same as she was. He was someone who cared more about Erin than any of us, someone who brushed off our achievements if they somehow interfered with hers, and now he was an advocate for us. Every time Mom posted something on social media belittling us, he responded with a post uplifting us.

I never imagined having such a good relationship with my dad, but here we are. We helped him move into his own place back in March. He's a new man, honestly. He's worked out a 50/50 custody agreement for Lexie, because as much as he'd be happy to have full custody, he wants to believe that she can change like he did. He has said, however, that if he catches even the slightest hint of Lexie being mistreated like we were, he'd be filing for it.

In the case of my siblings, life has been going good for them, too. Leo got a raise at work and has adopted a dog that my son is obsessed with—to the point that I think we may need to get a dog ourselves, haha. Josh and his partner are going strong. He fits right into our family, and I couldn't be happier for Josh. He's found someone that really cares about him, and I can tell he's in love. Maybe there will be wedding bells there soon? Lexie... well, Lexie's 5 so there's not really much going on in her life. I think she recently made my dad join her tea party.

QUICK EDIT TO ADD: Lexie is obviously aware that things have changed. She's naturally confused about it all. Things changed so much in the space of a year, and I can't imagine what it was like for her living with our parents when Mom was angry all of the time. We've let her know that we'll always be there for her and that we're safe spaces if she needs to talk about her feelings or if she has any questions to ask. We don't want this affecting her more than it already has. Josh is the one who's made headway on that. He works in childcare and has experience in things like this. Dad is thinking about setting up therapy for her.

But I'm sure you're all wondering about Nadia and Erin. Nadia's great. She's honestly thriving. I think being away from our mom, Erin, and the pressures at home has really helped her find herself as a person. She's made new friends, excelling in class, and she's just... an overall happier person, which is all I care about. She's happy, I'm happy. She's been invited to move in with my dad, now that he has his own place and enough room for her and Lexie, but she hasn't decided on an answer yet. She's more than welcome to stay here if she wants, but I know that she also wants to be closer with our dad. I'll support her no matter what, and I've told her that she can try it with dad if she wants, and she can come back if it's too weird for her.

Erin is another story. We are no longer NC with her, but we are LC. After her apology at Lexie's party, Leo reached out to see if it was genuine. All of us were pretty stuck on what to do, to be honest. Erin was never someone to bow her head and apologize, but how could we know if it was genuine and not a ploy to get us to forgive our mom or something? Erin asked to speak with us in person when Leo reached out to her, and we agreed because we were curious to see how it'd go. We also agreed that if she tried anything, we would be leaving immediately and would block her again.

The meeting happened in mid-January, between Lexie and Leo's birthdays. We met at her place. Erin looked like a nervous wreck, like she hadn't slept all night, and honestly it was really weird because she's normally so put together? Like even when she was throwing tantrums, she looked better than this. We sat down and she started off by apologizing to us again, she said that she was needlessly cruel and unfair to us, especially Nadia, and even apologized for trying to ruin her graduation. She said when we all backed out of our wedding, she was confused and hurt because none of us had said no to her before. She thought we were closer than that, but realized now that it was one-sided. She thought we were close and we just wanted to be as far away from her as possible.

We asked our questions and she answered every one. 'Why did you think we were close?' Because she'd been acting this way since childhood, partially encouraged by our parents' treatment of us vs her, and assumed that since none of us said anything about it, we were fine with it. 'Did you ever feel sorry?' She didn't, before this whole fiasco. It was normal for her to be the center of attention. Everything was always about her, and she was trying to unlearn that. 'Why now?' It came down to her husband. He'd tried talking to her a few times about her treamtent of us, but she never saw an issue with it since, well, we never made it an issue before. He didn't like that response, but he loved her and she was a lot kinder outside of our family unit, so he hoped that if he kept talking to her about it, she'd eventually stop. They fought when she announced their engagement on Lydia's anniversary and they fought again when she booked their party on Nadia's birthday. He couldn't understand how she could be so cruel to her family, and she told him that he didn't understand our family dynamic, and that we were cool with it. The stuff with Nadia's graduation damn near ruined their relationship, and I don't know how she convinced him to stay with her, because George admitted he was very close to walking out the door.

She said she was on our mom's side for a while because she really did think we were just acting out. We'd never been like this before, so why were we like this now? She didn't get why we were ignoring her, why we'd suddenly cut her off, and admittedly had a break down over it. George told her we'd likely been carrying that hurt and bitterness with us for years. She said that she knew she was a brat, but didn't realize how bad she really was until George and our dad laid it all out for her. That's why she told mom to leave us be, so that we could have peace from it all, and it turns out Dad wasn't the only one bearing the brunt of Mom's anger. She was constantly blasting Erin's phone, turning up at her place, dragging our names through the mud. It got worse when Dad moved out, and suddenly Erin was all she had in the world. Mom called us awful names that Erin (thankfully) didn't repeat. Mom told Erin that she was 'all she had' now.

George vouched for how bad our Mom was, said he'd come home from work often to find Erin staring at a ringing phone. She didn't want to answer but knew if she didn't eventually then Mom would turn up at her house. I know Erin was... awful to us ever since she was born, but it really hurt seeing her like this. I think she herself was a victim of our mom's behaviour, albeit in a drastically different way. She said she wanted to reach out to us sooner, but knew we probably didn't want to speak to her. She just couldn't help herself when she saw us at Lexie's party and needed to apologize.

We parted ways conflicted. One on hand, Erin had always been selfish. She'd been manipulative and downright mean, she always found a way to overshadow us at every turn, at every achievement. Nadia's graduation was proof of that. On the other hand, she looked tired. She looked worn and she looked guilty and I didn't want to believe that was an act put on for the sake of getting us to forgive her and then our mother. None of us were sure how to proceed, but then Jade suggested that we invite her to the wedding. Or, rather, we invite her to the reception, after everyone's eaten. We had a few friends coming at that time, too, who couldn't attend the wedding itself due to inescapable enagements. That way, if Erin did try to bring our mom, security would catch it and we'd know for certain whether or not Erin had turned a new leaf.

Reddit, Erin attended the reception. She didn't bring our mom, didn't even mention her. She and George arrived, and Erin cried as she congratulated me. She told Jade she looked beautiful, and hugged my son. At some point, she took Nadia aside, and when they came back, they were both a litle teary eyed. Nadia later told me that Erin wanted to apologize to her properly, one to one, and didn't know if she'd get another opportunity to do so. George thanked me for giving Erin a chance. He told me that she really could be a warm, kind-hearted person. I told him I hoped to meet that version of her some day. And I mean it. If Erin is truly as warm and kind and wonderful as George believes her to be, then I want nothing more than to meet that version of my sister.

Now, you may be wondering, OP, you forgot to mention Lydia when talking about your siblings! That was on purpose. You see, it's a good thing Dad moved out of her spare room. She's going to need that space in a few months, and she's not the only one. I knew Lydia was pregnant because she sat both me and Jade down to tell us she was pregnant and worried about her bridesmaid dress, even offered to step down if it was a problem. We, of course, told her not to be ridiculous and that we'd cover the cost of any alterations needed.

In the lead up to the wedding, Jade told me that she planned on having Lydia make an announcement during the speeches. I foolishly assumed that Lydia was going to announce her pregnancy to our extended family, and while I was a little hesitant, I agreed since Jade wanted this—and well, at least she'd gotten permission, unlike someone would have. Reddit, Lydia made a speech about pregnancy, and how she couldn't wait to be a mom, and how she was grateful to be sharing at least part of her pregnancy journey with Jade.

Reddit, this was how I found out my wife was expecting our second child. Again, I wish I could say I maintained my composure, but I didn't. I cried. I was so overwhelmed with happiness that I couldn't help myself, and I'm sure my friends will forever make fun of me for it. It felt like all the shit we'd been through this past year was worth it all for that moment. To have my family rally around me in an event that I'm sure would somehow have been made about Erin and her wedding if my Mom had been present.

I haven't spoken much about how this past year has made me feel. Truthfully, I have felt like shit for most of it. I felt like curling up and disappearing. I felt rotten and useless simply because my mother told me I was. I felt sometimes like I couldn't show how I was feeling, because Nadia was here and I didn't want her to blame herself anymore than she did. I'm in therapy now, and I'm not the only one, and I'm healing. Right now, I'm happy. I'm so unfathomably happy that I can barely understand it. I'm happier than I've ever been and I know my siblings will say the same.

While our Mom will probably say that our family has fallen apart, that's not true. Hers has. The family that she made has fallen apart, but ours has grown stronger. It has grown so unbelievably strong. We were a united front before, but it's like now we've upgraded our defences. We're coming out of this with stronger relationships with each other, a real relationship with our dad, and two new family members on the way. This is what our Mom is missing out on and it's all her own fault.

Maybe I'll update you again in the future. I'm not sure if our mom knows yet about Lydia and Jade's pregnancies, but the announcement is out there. We do have her blocked on social media though, so maybe no one's told her the good news. Erin hasn't, at least. So if anything happens on that front, I'll let you know, but for now, I'm happy with where my life is. Thank you all for your support, again, and I hope you have an amazing day.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am not The OOP, OOP is

Guy in my friend group is annoyed that I’m quiet, asks if I’m autistic

Originally posted to &

Thanks to for suggesting this BoRU

TRIGGER WARNING: stalking, harassment, ableism, racism, delusional behavior, misogyny

May 22, 2024

I’m 23f and roughly 2-3 months ago a new guy (24m) joined my friend group (we’re evenly girls and guys). He’s cute and chill but he seems to have a problem with my personality. I’m typically quiet and reserved which bothers him a lot for some reason(?).

I didn’t realize how personally he took this until a few days ago. A few of us went to have dinner and he started joking at the dinner that I don’t like him. Everyone turned to me and asked if that’s true and I said of course not. I felt like he started unnecessary drama and tried to create a situation that didn’t exist.

The same evening, he texted me this lmao. The cherry on top is him bragging about spending the night with two of my female friends watching Netflix. lol 🗿

Transcript of text messages

Creep: I'll be honest with ya

Creep: I don't understand you lol

OOP: Wdym?

Creep: You're always so quiet and I don't know anything about you other than the fact you like potatoes and town of Salem lol

OOP: lmao

OOP: Well idk I don't have mich to say I guess 🫡

Creep: I know the least about you....you never go out of your way to make conversation with me....you don't even make eye contact lol

OOP: Okay. Does that bother you?

Creep: No

Creep: I mean somewhat yeah

Creep: But it's a normal human response so can't blame me

Creep: can I ask a blunt question?

OOP: Sure?

Creep: Are you autistic?

OOP: No. Are you?

Creep: lol no

Creep: So what do you think about me?

OOP: In what way 🤔

Creep: It's a simple question. What do you think about me?

OOP: I don't really think of you so not sure how to answer that

Creep: Jesus

Creep: Ok I'll try something else

Creep: Why do you never laugh at my jokes

Creep: NOT that I'm trying to make YOU in particular laugh

Creep: Why is it so hard to make conversation with you

OOP: I'm more of a listener 🫧 🎤

OOP: Don't take it personal tbh. I'm just shy I guess

Creep: There's gotta be a reason

Creep: I'm better looking and more successful than 90% of the men you know. So what's your type? I want to get to know you [redacted]

OOP: My type is a man who doesn't ask me if I'm autistic

Creep: Can you blame me for assuming that?

Creep: Don't get me wrong, you're pretty but I definitely considered the possibility you're autistic or definitely on the spectrum somewhere.

OOP: Lol what. Reflect on your words when you go to bed tonight. See ya 🌸

Creep: Wow

Creep: Wow

Creep: I think you're jealous I spent the night with [redacted] and [redacted] and you went home alone

Creep: Don't worry, nothing happened, We just watched Netflix in bed. No need to be jealous.

Creep: 😋

TOP COMMENTS

InformationEvening

“Are you autistic” holy shit😭😭🤣🤣

OOP

Guys don’t forget, if you want to get to know a girl simply ask her if she’s autistic. If she blocks you it means she was overwhelmed with positive emotions ❤️‍🔥

~

carmackie

Validation from a beautiful, indifferent woman. He's never had someone treat him like nothing special before, especially a woman he clearly wants, so he's internally freaking out and questioning himself. That then makes him lash out at you, the target and deflector of his interest. It's maddening to him that you don't want him like he wants you. He's Mommy's special little guy, and the world is supposed to recognize that.

OOP

This would’ve been kinda sexy and intriguing in a Kdrama but it’s so pathetic irl lmao

Or maybe he’s the kind of guy who needs EVERYONE to like him? Because all of my friends fucking love this guy

~

CrazyString

He’s mad that OP doesn’t find him as funny and handsome as his mom always said he was. He sits there silently hoping for her attention and gets insecure when he doesn’t get it. Whether he’s into OP or not, he’s negging hard as fuck to try to flip the insecurity on her and she didn’t bite which made him go into butthurt territory with the “you’re mad you go home alone”. I ABSOLUTELY ADORE OP FOR NOT GIVING HIM A SINGLE CRUMB.

May 23, 2024

So he texted me “hey” earlier in the day and I didn’t respond for a while, then he went on this crazy one sided rant while I was trying to follow a recipe on yt

I showed all of these texts in the group chat I have with the girls and they all agree he’s crazy lmao. They all texted him to leave me alone and he was uninvited from my friends housewarming party.

I’m not sure how this is going to unfold but at least they’re sick of his shit too. He’s so obnoxious and delusional. I blocked this clown.

Is it just me or does he sound borderline insane.

Transcript of text messages

Creep: What's your problem. ls this some sort of trauma response? just don't get it [redacted]l've known you since March 12th and for whatever god knows what reason you decide to treat me like complete shit. You hug [redacted] and [redacted] but not me. You share a couch with [redacted] but when l join you get up and leave. Do you think I'm fucking stupid or blind or what? The fuck did I ever do to you?

Creep: I'm pissed off because you're clueless and extremely oblivious to the point you don't appreciate a good thing when it's directly in your face.

Creep: I just. Don't. Get. It.

Creep: Help.me.understand.[redacted]

OOP: lol what?

OOP: Are you fighting yourself rn 😲 am I involved in this argument

Creep: This is all about you [redacted] stop acting so obtuse. You may not be autistic but you sure act like you're into trains or some shit

OOP: Lmao why do you keep saying my name

OOP: Trains are cool.

Creep: Is there some unresolved childhood trauma I need to know about? Because what the fuck is your problem...

Creep: I can help you out if that's the case

Creep: But you have to let me take the first step and stop being so guarded all the damn time. It's impossible to get through to you.

OOP: First step of what?

Creep: First step of our potential

Creep: I can make your life x10 better l l than it is now. I'm so sure of that I'd give that to you in writing lol

Creep: You're beautiful [redacted]

Creep: And I'm what you want in a guy, correct?

OOP: Incorrect.

Creep: You're joking

Creep: You're performing

Creep: You're putting on act to "teach me a lesson" or something stupid lol. I don't for a second believe you [redacted]

OOP: I don't have to date you just because you find me physically attractive, that's like consent 101

OOP: Believe in what you want

OOP: Don't forget I'm suspicious 👹

Creep: Yeah you are because there's no way you're single

Creep: You either have a severe mental disorder or asexual

OOP: So anyone who's not into you falls under that category? Lmao

OOP: Interesting 🧐

Creep: I love so many things about you [redacted]

Creep: Genuinely

Creep: I love you as a friend

Creep: I want to make you smile

Creep: 😊

Creep: What's your height btw? All my exes have been 5'9" + so taller than you. 😉 but you have gorgeous eyes and tasty lips for sure

Creep: You look healthy

Creep: You make me wanna become a daddy 😂

Creep: [redacted] please ...I know you hear it all the time but you're very pretty I like you when you're not acting like an autistic frigid bitch respectfully.

Creep: March 12 and I haven't proven myself enough to you yet

Creep: You've been single all this time, it's extremely suspicious actually. Why would a girl like you be single? What are you hiding?

OOP: Lmaoooo okay 😢 I'm hiding so much dude

OOP: I don't understand what you want in all honesty lol

RELEVANT COMMENTS

chokeslaphit

BUT I LOVE YOU, YOU AUTISTIC FRIGID CRAZY PERSON, HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE ME BACK, I'M PERFECTION!

OOP

I feel so loved

~

WithoutDennisNedry

“You make me wanna become a daddy”

My ovaries shriveled up and blew away in the breeze just reading that. Unhinged.

OOP

I was gonna reply “you make me wanna get my tubes tied” but I didn’t want to make him feel like we’re closer than we really are

~

Misanthropyandme

You have a severe mental disorder

what's your height?

OOP

You’re an autistic bitch

I love you as a person

OOP when asked why she is continuing to lead him on

Don’t forget ladies, responding to a dude’s messages = leading him on. Ignoring his messages = being cruel, not giving him a chance etc

I find it hilarious that the mere fact I’m responding to him at all constitutes “leading him on” in your eyes. If I texted him “jsnsjejdjdxswssssss” you’d say I’m being seductive and leading him on.

May 26, 2024

Honestly I posted this partially because he asked me to stop posting these texts on the internet. FYI I had him blocked but he started texting me from another number.

My entire friend group stopped talking to him slowly and I specifically asked them not to make a big deal about the situation because he’s the kind of person who would enjoy the drama. So they listened to me and just stopped inviting him to things or texting/hanging out w him and it worked until he started harassing them via text, especially my girlfriends. He hooked up with 2 of my friends and he’s been slut shaming them etc to guilt trip them into helping him out somehow. It’s so disgusting because it’s creating tensions and I feel bad this is all happening even though logically it’s not my fault.

At the start when he claims to have seen me out in the streets I think he’s lying. And Idk why he remembers the date we first met….

The BBQ he’s referring to happened early May and I barely spoke to him that day.

He hasn’t texted me since my last response but he knows what I’m gonna go if he doesn’t follow steps 1-4 🤷🏻‍♀️ choose wisely 🤷🏻‍♀️

he’s left me voicemails too. mostly talking about himself.

honeslt when I made the first post I had no idea the texts would get worse and worse..

Transcript of text messages

Creep: [redacted] hear me out. Please don't block this number, it'll be a waste of time. l'd rather do this in person but you're not exactly easy to find nowadays lol. (I saw you leave [redacted] yesterday by chance! I would've come said hi but was in a rush. You looked cute damn near gave me a heart attack 😍).

Creep: First I sincerely apologize for accusing you of having autism and calling you bitchy, upright, frigid et cetera. It was 100% wrong and I see why this caused you to withdraw even further.1 don't want to push you away.

Creep: On Tuesday March 12 when we first met I believe I didn't give you a strong enough impression. Even on that day I sensed that you didn't get to see who I am. If you actually knew me you'd be in love right away and I'm not being arrogant when I say this, it's the simple truth.

Creep: I don't have to brag: the stats speak for themselves. I'm facially attractive, tall, White, have a great job at [redacted] VERY passionate about giving back to the community. Two months before we met I organized a 5k fundraiser for [redacted] It was a major success and that's the kind of person i am Sometimes I may be a bit of a misunderstood asshole but deep down I'm a good guy trying to make the world a better place

Creep: I'm in excellent shape. I have a large penis that made many women happy. I get the feeling you've been unimpressed with every penis you've come across so far and that's understandable. Matter fact the thought of you Matter fact the thought of you being subjected to other mediocre-to downright awful penises deeply disturbs me but that's life in modern society. As long as you haven't slept with [redacted] or [redacted] I'm fine lol you can do better than those. Btw [redacted] is not good at hiding the fact he wants to fuck you. He's pathetic and so fucking desperate for your approval LOL I just know you're so turned off by that. I bet your vagina turns to dust when he's near you.

Creep: I definitely find you as attractive as you find me. I saw your details on your l [redacted] and you're 5'4", correct? I typically date taller women but make exceptions haha. I do want tall sons though so hope you don't mind if I use you for pleasure as Wife A and breed with a tall female to secure the genetic lineage I'd probably use VR to pretend it's you to make you less jealous lol.

Creep: Let's start a new page in our book. Let's fill the pages with nothing but love, understanding and passion.

Creep: By the way, stop posting our texts online please.This is a private conversation between two adults. We don't need voyeuristic 3rd parties adding their l worthless opinions.

Creep: (Oh and that black t shirt you wore at [redacted] BBQ....it was extremely hot seeing your pierced nipples poking through. PLEASE for the love of humanity do that more!)

OOP: 1) you're going to stop texting me

2) after that you will delete my number & block me

3) you will stop harassing my friends

4) you Will stop contacting me on ANY platform

Failure to do ANY of the above will lead to consequences you're not prepared for. I will say it again ~ STOP TEXTING ME. BLOCK MY NUMBER. STOP CONTACTING ME ON ANY PLATFORM. If you see me irl walk in the OTHER direction.

OOP: Think hard about your next steps now because it will make a difference. I'm not fucking around

May 28, 2024

(New York)

I'm seeking some legal advice about a situation that's been escalating and is causing me a lot of stress.

I'm a 23 year old female, and about 2-3 months ago, a male (24) joined my friend group. He had an issue with me early on. I'm typically quiet and reserved, and this really bothered him for some reason.

Since I spoke to him very little (as I had no interest in friendship ) he started using texts as a means to intimidate me into…befriending him? Dating him?

I shared these texts with my friends who started icing him out of the group. They told him clearly to leave me alone & he was uninvited from a friend’s housewarming party. I blocked him as well.

He started texting me from another number. My friends and I decided not to make a big deal out of it (upon my request), hoping he'd lose interest if we collectively ignored him. However he started harassing them via text, especially my girlfriends, trying to ‘win them over’ I guess (?) so they could help him get closer to me.

The harassment includes him leaving countless voicemails and texting me from morning til night. I posted some of these texts on the texts subreddit to give you an example of what I’m dealing with.

Recently it got even worse. Over the last few days he’s been loitering outside my home and knocking on my door repeatedly. Today he left a “gift” on my window with a note attached

I’ve documented everything and got it all on a folder. I’ve actually went to the police twice and they said they can’t do much right now and to let family and friends know about my schedule and whereabouts.

ANY legal/advice on what my next steps should be? I feel like I’m being told to sit around and wait for something to happen.

Thank you in advance for your help.

June 1, 2024

So the situation I’m currently in feels pretty surreal.

I normally lurk on here but recently made an account to share a crazy text interaction I had with someone. It gained a lot of traction as the texts were legitimately unhinged but I didn’t think it would blow up so much. (It’s all on my post history but the texts are fucked up so be warned)

I started receiving DMs that a particular (big) YouTuber/streamer had picked up the story and made content. Personally I don’t watch this YouTuber but I know of him. As of now it has 2mil views and it’s crazy that something that’s happening to me personally has been posted on such a huge platform.

So not only did my friends start texting me the video, the guy who was harassing me also found out that our “private conversation” wasn’t so private….

First he accused me of collaborating (???) with said YouTuber and giving him “material” for content when in fact these kinds of stories get picked up all the time by lots of different channels.

Then he was delusional enough to state that everyone in the YT comment section is on his side when in fact he got flamed by thousands of people.

Somehow the story being given a bigger platform made him even MORE delusional…

OOP Updated after the BoRU was posted

June 8, 2024

i got some good advice from several subreddits and received lots of helpful DMs as well. At this point I’m sharing these so y’all can see this is a one sided conversation.

He knocked on my door a few times (he apologises for that in the beginning) and left me a gift with a creepy ass note. He claims none of this constitutes stalking and that nobody will believe me anyway. I’ve experienced a lot in my life but this is just crazy. Oh and he turned up outside my spin class too and pretended (in front of everyone) to know me.

Over the last few days he actually left me in peace and I guess it’s bc he was “busy” as he says. But I’m not sure if he’s telling the truth.

I’m fortunate my family && friends are incredibly supportive so I’m very grateful for that.

Keep in mind y’all, all this is happening because I was too quiet and “autistic” for his taste 🤟🏼

TRANSCRIPT OF TEXT MESSAGES

Creep: Hey [redacted] Lol how are you doing?

Haven't seen you in a while so I wanted to check in with you. Sorry I was busy with work and some projects I have coming up.

Creep: It's time for us to be honest with each other. The chase isn't fun and I know you don't enjoy it either lol. It's time to open your heart 😃

Creep: Sorry for the delay. I was in the shower 👀 You could've been here.

Creep [redacted] Before I continue you have to promise you won't post any of these on the internet again. Not only does no one believe you, the people who do are siding with me. Not you lol. Everyone can see that you*re being unreasonable and irrational.

Creep: If I see our private conversations anywhere again I'm going to lose it [redacted] That's all..

Creep: With that being said, I apologize for turning up to your place unannounced and maybe giving you a bit of discomfort. Last night I came to my senses and realized it was a fucked up thing to do. I understand you value your privacy and I fully respect that [redacted] That's actually one of the things I like about you. You're classy and keep to yourself. You don't open your heart and legs to just anyone and I respect that....

Creep: And l'm sorry about the height joke [redacted]. No l'm not going to have several wives and you use you for pleasure. That was a joke you gullible pearl clutching moron. You'd be my full time wife and have all my love dick and compassion.

Creep: I hope my dominant genes will cancel out your autism gene otherwise our kids might be fucked from birth lol

Creep: But apart from that you're obviously healthy so don't be too hard on yourself. You look like you received a good supply of nutrients in the womb crying 😂

Creep: I jerked to you everyday since Tuesday March 12 but it doesn't hit the same you know

Creep: You broke my semen retention practice so congratulations [redacted] lol 😂

Creep: So [redacted] Beautiful, bouncy, mildly autistic [redacted] l'll need you to do the following; stop going to the police. I'm not breaking any laws here 😉 You're a big girl so act like it.

Secondly, let me take you out on a date. It's not like me to be so persistent since most girls aren't autistic and find me desirable so the best thing you can do for yourself and the planet is to say yes. It'll be fun. You'll smile a lot, cum a lot and fall in love once you see the real me [redacted]

Just.give.me.a.yes.and.open.y- our.heart.

Creep: I fucked two of your friends so they can tell you what you're missing out on. [Redacted] ate my ass but I doubt she told you 😜 Funny how she's the most outspoken critic right now. Don't eat ass and tell. She didn't get the memo 😂

Creep: Did I tell you that I started dating a fitness chick I met at [redacted]

Creep: This her

Picture blurred

Creep: She kind of looks like you except you look miserable and unhappy all the time

Creep: What I like about her is that she's a simple girl and doesn't play any mind games. She tells me what she wants when she wants. She does everything I tell her to do without protest. She makes me breakfast in bed followed by the sloppiest [redacted]. She's humble, sweet and beautiful. Doesn't kick up drama and involve her idiotic friends. Objectively she's better and more valuable than you in every way. Dare I say she has a better ass than you too 👀 hahaaa

Creep: [redacted] I swear if your personality was more like hers I'd marry you on the spot. I swear.

Creep: I won't call you autistic when we're married. Isn't that a good start.

Creep sends 25 second voice message

Creep: Btw I can't even watch porn anymore without thinking about you

Creep: 😂 you turning me into a simp Miss

Creep: I know you like to take good care of your skin so would you like this?

Creep: Creeper sends a picture of Miss Dior Creme Pour Le Corps fresh body creme

Creep: If you prefer something else just let me know baby girl. But you have to open your fucking mouth for this conversation to work.

Creep: And you still haven't confirmed if you've fucked any of your ""guy friends"" so please clear that up as soon as possible for my sanity

RELEVANT COMMENTS

When asked why Creeper isn't blocked yet

because he keeps using different numbers? lmao on what planet does blocking someone like this actually make them stop texting you? I’d like to go to that planet

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am NOT OOP. OOP is

Originally posted to + his own page

Previous BoRUs:

originally posted by

originally posted by

originally posted by

[New Update]: My (37M) wife’s (34F) sister (29F) tried to kiss me and now my wife is spiraling. Help me.

NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----

Editor's Note: added paragraph breaks for readability

Trigger Warnings: sexual assault, harassment, depression, mentions of cancer, emotional abuse and manipulation, body shaming issues, verbal abuse, accusations of abuse, faking cancer

RECAP

: January 17, 2023

Sorry for how long this is, tl;dr at the bottom. As the title says, my wife’s sister made a pass at me at a recent family gathering and I have no idea what to do. For context, I think my wife “Jenna” is absolutely gorgeous but she has some really negative body image issues. This is in large part because of her sister “Mary” who is very conventionally attractive, as opposed to Jenna’s more unconventional but (imo) striking beauty.

Mary was a successful model until a couple years ago and now works in the fashion industry. In our early days of dating when I would tell Jenna she’s beautiful, she would always say “just wait until you see my sister”. When I did finally meet her family, she would randomly press me for weeks to talk about her sister, whether I thought she was more attractive than her, etc. I always told her the truth, that I think Mary is attractive in a boring way, and that I think my wife is much more beautiful and interesting to look at. She wouldn’t let it go until I confronted her about how uncomfortable it made me and asked her what was going on.

This is when she told me that she always had a chip on her shoulder about her looks because of being compared with her sister growing up. They fell into the classic “smart one/pretty one” dynamic their whole lives. She also said Mary had a habit of being flirty with all of her exes, and warned me that it would happen to me eventually. She then started sobbing and begging me to not cheat on her with her sister, to which I forcefully said I would never cheat on her with anyone, let alone her sister. I’ve been crazy about my wife since day 1 and there’s literally no woman on earth who could come close to her.

I honestly didn’t believe her about the flirting at first, I assumed it was just an extension of her insecurity, but I was wrong. Whenever we get together with my wife’s family, Mary always finds ways to touch me and make little innuendos/comments about me or my body. It’s super uncomfortable for everyone, especially my wife, and I’ve called her out on it before. She’ll cool it for a while but eventually start doing it again. It’s been six years of this, and every time it happens my wife is upset for days and I have to do a lot of reassuring.

Onto the current problem. A few days ago we were at my MIL’s birthday party, and Mary asked me to help her grab some things from the garage. As soon as we walked into the garage, she turned and pressed me up against the door with her whole body and started trying to kiss me. I immediately pushed her off and asked her what the fuck she was doing. She started giggling and saying she was just “doing what we both have been thinking” and kept insisting “you know you want to”.

I told her she was out of her mind and ran out of there. I went straight to my wife and told her we were leaving. The whole ride home she was asking me what was wrong, I wasn’t sure whether to tell her because I knew how much it was going to hurt but I also thought Mary would probably try to spin it as me making a move on her so I knew I had to just say it. I told her everything and she cried the whole way home.

For the last several days Mary has been calling and texting my wife doing exactly what I thought she would do, even telling my wife that I said she (Mary) was “the hottest girl I’ve ever seen”, which I had to assure my wife a million times that I did not and would never say even though she believes my account of the situation.

She’s been a complete wreck the last several days, she’s hardly eating, she pulls away from my touch when I try to hug her or just hold her hand, she says she feels “hideous” and “disgusting” and I don’t know what to do. This is the lowest I have ever seen her, and it hurts to see how much she’s hurting. I have no idea what to do to help her heal from this. Reddit, what should I do?

Tl;dr: My wife’s sister tried to kiss me, and this is triggering deep-set body image insecurities for my wife. How do I help her?

Relevant Comment

OOP on his in-laws enabling Mary’s behaviors and the golden child status

OOP: My in laws definitely enable her behavior, she’s the golden child, they brag about her constantly (even though my wife is literally a neuroscientist). Their mom was a pageant queen and she was their dad’s much younger trophy wife. Honestly we may have to go no contact with all of them

: January 19, 2023 (2 days later)

I got a few requests for updates so here it is. I first want to thank everyone so much for your advice. It was extremely helpful and gave me a lot to think about. I’m especially thankful for the folks that asked me how I was doing. I realized that I have literally never had a chance to check in with myself after these things happen, and I’ve actually been holding a lot of frustration and resentment about it all. I’ve been harassed for years and it has either been brushed off or it’s been eclipsed by the impact it has on my wife. I don’t blame her for it, but this has been a good lesson in me not burying my feelings for the sake of others, even for her.

I also want to clarify a couple of things that came up. Several people asked about how my wife’s family feels about all this, and I explained in a comment that her parents are toxic and treat Mary as the golden child, even though my wife is a freaking neuroscientist, amazingly talented musician, speaks three languages fluently and another two conversationally… my wife and her family are seriously the only people who don’t seem to understand how exceptional she is. I remember meeting one of my wife’s family friends and talking to them about her research, and they said, “oh wow, her parents just told us she works at a university.” Whereas my parents literally introduce her as “the family genius” to everyone. It makes me so fucking angry to think about how her asshole family has stolen her shine her whole life. She’s literally a Renaissance woman but all they care about is looks and money.

Some folks asked me why I would ever put myself in a situation alone with Mary given everything she’s done. I have no good answers for that other than I never thought she would actually try to do anything. That possibility just didn’t exist in my head. I realize now that I should’ve seen this would happen eventually, and that I should’ve been less concerned with keeping the peace and more concerned with shutting Mary’s shit down before it escalated to this point. Hindsight is 20/20.

Anyway, onto the update. The night I posted, I told my wife that if she wanted to try to repair her relationship with her sister I would respect that, but that I don’t feel comfortable being around her for the foreseeable future. I said Mary has obviously been deeply jealous of my wife her whole life because she is a hollow, ugly person whose entire value has an expiration date while my wife actually has substance. I said that I think her whole family is toxic and has done nothing but put her down her whole life, but that only she can decide whether she still wants them in her life.

I also told my wife that while I don’t blame her for her emotional reaction, her insecurity is something that she needs to work on for our relationship to be healthy. What Mary did was sexual assault and she’s been sexually harassing me for years, but I have consistently put aside my own feelings about this problem because of how it affects her, and that has prevented me from getting the support that I need, too. I told her that her reaction only serves to punish herself and me for her sister’s behavior, and there’s no reason to give her that kind of power. I also told her something that a commenter said that really resonated with me: the only people who have ever considered her second best are her and her family. Everyone else sees her for who she really is.

She was crying the whole time and agreed that she needed to go to therapy to work on her insecurity. We were able to find a therapist who specializes in body image/self-esteem issues to work with her individually, and we’re looking for a couples therapist too. My wife sent a message to her parents and sister that explained exactly what happened and told them she would reach out to them if she ever feels ready to repair their relationship. We blocked all of them everywhere but Mary has of course been spamming my family and our friends with nonsense, claiming I attacked her, I’m a drug addict, I abuse my wife, all kinds of bullshit that thankfully nobody believes.

My wife is still down in the dumps but I can see that things are getting a little better. She’s eating and sleeping more and she’s cuddling with me in the mornings again which is nice. Now I’m planning a surprise getaway for us this weekend. We’re going to one of our favorite places and I’m going to wine and dine her and try to make her feel like the goddamn queen she is.

I want to thank you all again for your help. You really helped me understand the severity of the problem and again, thanks for helping me connect with my own feelings about all this. Y’all are the best.

Tl;dr: Wife & I are going to therapy. We’re going no contact with her family for the foreseeable future. I’m going to woo the hell out of my wife this weekend.

Relevant Comment

OOP on how he tries to be the best husband to Jenna and enjoying life together

OOP: The only genius thing I’ve ever done is marry her. I’m a pretty average dude tbh so I have no idea how I snagged her. Sad to think her low self-esteem probably played a part but I do work hard to be a good husband every day

: February 1, 2023 (2 weeks later)

So I guess my original posts got reposted onto TikTok and some other subs here on Reddit so I’ve been getting tons of messages asking for updates. It feels like things are mostly settled, and I’m really hoping this will be my final update.

First I want to say that I’ve gotten so many questions about who Mary is, and I’m just not going to say. Suffice it to say that she’s never been household name famous, but she made a living solely on modeling for about a decade from what I understand, so she must have been popular enough that fashion people might know her. I really don’t know how that whole world works. But imo it doesn’t matter how many names you drop, you’re not famous if you don’t have a Wikipedia page.

Also got lots of comments that (mostly) jokingly called me a simp, and I can’t argue with that. I totally am a simp for my wife. She’s the coolest. I hope you all find a love that makes you feel this way!

Okay, I think that’s it. Here is the actual update.

My wife loved the getaway weekend, we had a blast and by the end of it she said she felt like herself again. For a few days after we got back things were really quiet, so we were hopeful that Mary had finally given up, but I felt uneasy about it all. Many of you warned me that Mary would try to interfere with my work and while I initially dismissed it, I figured I would reach out to my boss just in case. I’ve been working at the same company for almost 10 years and she’s heard me vent about Mary before so I didn’t have to explain too much. My boss just reassured me that she knows my real character and would let me know if Mary tried anything.

As you predicted, Mary did try to contact my boss a couple of days later, and the following is a recounting of what my boss told me. Apparently Mary said that I needed to be fired because I was a predator and claimed to have “proof” that I assaulted her. My boss said that was a very serious accusation to make and asked Mary to explain what proof she had. Mary claimed there was a camera that caught the whole incident, and my boss asked her to send the video. Then Mary got flustered and said the police had it, so my boss asked her to send over a copy of the police report. Then Mary said it had a lot of private information in it, so my boss asked her to redact the private information and send it over. Then Mary said she didn’t feel comfortable with that, and my boss told her that she could not take action against an employee based on word of mouth from a stranger. Then Mary shouted at her about victim blaming and hung up.

Unfortunately that was not the end of it. Last Wednesday, Mary somehow sent an email from my personal email account with a dick pic (not mine obviously) to the entire office. My best guess is that I must have left my email logged in on one of my in-laws’ devices, she’s definitely not smart enough to actually hack me. And I know this is completely beside the point, but of course she chose the weirdest-looking dick I’ve ever seen. I played team sports all my life, I’ve seen a lot of dicks, and this was something else. It’s honestly kind of funny to think about Mary Googling “gross penis” or something and sifting through hundreds of images to find juuuuuuust the right one. I had to apologize to everyone on staff and thankfully folks were surprisingly understanding. It’s actually been kind of a nice bonding experience with my coworkers, I honestly didn’t consider myself to be super well-liked in the office but it feels like everyone has been going out of their way to be kind to me and it means a lot.

Anyway, at this point it was clear we had to escalate things legally. I really wanted to avoid it but she forced my hand. My wife and I have a lawyer friend who helped us draft a cease and desist letter outlining her continued harassment and the material and emotional damage this is causing us. My wife then sent a message to Mary and my in-laws with a copy of the letter and made it very clear that we would pursue criminal and/or civil proceedings if her harassment continued. My wife’s mom then called her crying and begged her to “just let it go” and “leave Mary alone”. My wife calmly explained that Mary is the only person responsible for this whole situation, and that their parents have always enabled her awful behavior. She also said something she later regretted but I think was pretty badass: “Mary is going to stick you two in a nursing home and steal your money the minute she has the chance, and you deserve it.” After the way her mom reacted, my wife is firmly settled on cutting off her family completely.

This happened on Friday, and on Sunday Mary’s best frenemy “Anne” sent my brother a message on Facebook to say Mary is going to leave us alone and to please not sue her. I told my brother not to respond, then just sat and enjoyed the idea that Mary was out there somewhere freaking out about the potential of having to actually face the consequences of her actions. It must be such a strange feeling for her.

Since then, we haven’t heard a peep from the grapevine. It feels like things are finally starting to go back to normal. My wife is starting therapy next week and we’ll be starting couples therapy in a month or two; she wants to do some work on herself first. She’s also taking a short leave from work to rest and recharge. I’m so proud of her for standing up for herself with her family and finally putting her mental health and wellbeing first.

Thanks again for everyone who offered advice! This was a messy situation but it definitely would’ve been messier without your help.

Tl;dr: Mary tried to get me fired so we sent her a cease and desist. Now Mary’s running scared, she and my in-laws are out of our lives, and we’re doing much better without them. My wife is prioritizing her wellness and I am one proud simp.

: August 25, 2023 (6.5 months later)

I forgot about this account completely until today and logged in to see so many comments and messages asking for an update. It’s honestly touching to see how many people care about this situation and want the best for me and my wife.

This will be a brief update, I don’t want to make this a regular thing and the original situation has resolved enough that I am hopeful this’ll be the end of the saga.

Mary and my in laws have pretty much left us alone. My MIL still tries to contact my wife every now and then but she’s made it clear to her family that if the first words out of their mouths aren’t “I’m sorry,” she isn’t interested in a conversation.

As you can see, the past six months have made my wife a BADASS. She has done some amazing work in therapy and her confidence is growing all the time. It’s not just with her family - she’s more comfortable asserting herself at work, with strangers, with friends, etc. She’s even stopped putting up with some of my shit! To be fair that “shit” is stuff like my leaving my socks everywhere around the house, but I’m seriously proud of her for telling me to cut it out. I’m becoming a more responsible and supportive partner because she’s able to communicate her needs and expectations without feeling guilty about it. And I’m able to communicate things to her without intense emotions fully eclipsing the conversation. I didn’t mention this in my earlier posts, but my wife does struggle with rejection sensitivity even outside of her family. Often if I brought up something that I felt needed to change, her emotional reaction to feeling like she did something “wrong” would be really intense and instead of dealing with the problem, it would become about regulating her emotions. Now my wife has really good coping tools that allow her to talk about the problem without thinking she is the problem.

And the biggest update… she’s pregnant! We have a baby girl due in February. I am shitting my pants with excitement. We are going to love her so much and teach her that she is more than her beauty. She’s going to have happy parents who love each other and work through issues as a team. The toxic cycle will be broken. Jenna’s family doesn’t know and she’s not sure if/when she’ll tell them, but if she does there are going to be strong boundaries in place for how they can be a part of our daughter’s life. And it’ll start with family therapy. For now, she has one set of grandparents that will go to the end of the earth for her, and that’s more than enough. My family has been absolutely incredible in their support and their so excited for us. Things are looking better than they ever have.

That’s all folks. Thanks again for your support on this wild journey.

Tl;dr: Mary and in-laws have mostly left us alone. Jenna is a badass now. We’re having a baby and soon I’ll have two queens in my life. Captain Simp, over and out.

: May 23, 2024 (9 months later)

Hello everyone, I have come here for advice before and you were all incredibly helpful, and I could really use some support again.

You can check my post history for the full story, but tl;dr: last year my wife (“Jenna”) and I had to make the decision to go no-contact with her whole family. Her sister (“Mary”, 30F) sexually assaulted me, in-laws defended her, and after some legal wrangling they finally left us alone. The situation wrecked my wife’s self-esteem and tested our relationship, but we made it through.

Jenna and I had our first daughter in February. She’s amazing and we’re doing great. We ended up moving away from Jenna’s home state (NY) to mine (MA) to be closer to my family, and they’ve been incredibly helpful with the baby. We have not seen Jenna’s family since cutting contact and blocking them everywhere, and we didn’t tell them about the baby.

Yesterday we received a letter in the mail from my MIL and FIL. No idea how they got our address. Apparently my FIL has been diagnosed with late-stage cancer and is being told he could be dead in weeks. In laws went on about how sorry they were for the way they handled the situation with Mary. They also apologized for the way they’ve treated my wife her whole life (again, check post history but basically Mary was the golden child and Jenna was an afterthought despite being super accomplished). They ended by saying they recently heard about the baby through the grapevine and want to meet their grandchild.

To me, the apology seemed genuine. They went into detail on what they did wrong, apologized and expressed remorse, and explained what they should have done differently. They said they hoped to earn our forgiveness with time and were willing to do family therapy to heal our relationship.

Jenna is not having it. She feels like it’s too little too late and doesn’t want to respond. She also suspects that they’re lying about FIL’s cancer and just want to pressure us into reconciliation so they can meet the baby. It seems ludicrous but I guess I wouldn’t put it past them.

I want to respect my wife’s feelings around this, but I’m worried that if the cancer is real, she may regret not taking this opportunity for reconciliation before he dies. I expressed this to her but she is adamant and I haven’t broached the topic since.

My instinct is to wait a few more days until the shock wears off to talk about it again. I just don’t know what the best way to approach it would be. I certainly don’t want to force my wife to do anything she doesn’t want to do, but I feel like she’s not thinking clearly about this right now. It also must be noted that our baby is still struggling with sleep and we’re both tired and emotional all the time, so I feel like this might be influencing how she feels about all this.

What should I do here? Should I try again or just let it be?

Tl;dr: In-laws are attempting to reconcile after claiming FIL was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Wife does not want to consider it but I am worried she will regret it later on.

Edit: People, stop being mean to me. I too am tired and emotional and my feelings are getting hurt. I am not forcing my wife to do anything. I brought it up one time. I know this is not about me. I don’t personally care either way, I just want to support my wife. I intend to tell her I am here to listen/talk about it if she wants to but I fully support her decisions around this. She has a great therapist she trusts and I’ll be here to support her however I can.

Relevant Comments

OOP on respecting his wife’s decisions on how she wants to deal with the possible family health situation if it’s real

OOP: To be clear, I will absolutely respect whatever decision she makes. I just feel like the news is so fresh and we’re in such an emotionally complex place as it is that she may not be thinking clearly about it. A similar situation happened to a friend of mine and he regretted it for years, actually turned to alcohol pretty hard for a while after. My wife has worked really hard to improve her mental health and I worry about how the regret might set her back. Although I suppose if her family is actually lying/manipulating us that would set her back too. I just don’t know. Would it be terrible to bring it up again in a few days just to see if she feels differently?

Edit: I’ve also thought about asking my parents to take the baby for a couple of days so we can get away and recharge. Maybe just getting my wife in a better headspace would allow her to think things through more carefully/less reactively

OOP receiving advice on letting his wife lead the way of dealing with her family. She knows what her family is like all her life

OOP: This was really helpful, thank you so much. I will give it time and let her lead the way.

I hadn’t thought about that “earn it with time” thing — like if he actually is about to die what time are they talking about? And reading from other people that this is a common manipulation tactic makes me feel more strongly that my wife’s instinct about them lying is correct

OOP on letting his wife make decisions and don’t bring their daughter into the mix

OOP: I would never do this. Not sure what part of “I would never force my wife to do anything she doesn’t want to do” isn’t getting through to people, but I would never betray her like that. I’ve never gone behind her back and never will, we make decisions as a team and this is her call. I don’t personally care if we never see them again, it isn’t about me, I came here for advice on how to support my wife and hold space for her to talk about it. All I care about is her being okay.

----NEW UPDATE----

: June 1, 2024

Hey everyone. Thanks for the comments on my last post, they were really helpful (some were a little mean, but Reddit is what it is). Things have taken a disappointing turn but we have some answers and we’re working through it.

First, my wife was right. The cancer story was bullshit. They were just trying to manipulate us. The same night I wrote my last post, I just let my wife know that I was here to listen if she wanted to talk about any of it but that I would always support her no matter what she decided. She thanked me and I didn’t bring it up again. She had her therapy session and afterwards said she wanted to talk. She said she wanted to get more information before making any decisions. She reached out to a trusted mutual connection and asked them to discretely find out if the cancer was real. They reported back to say my FIL appeared healthy, my in laws are apparently planning a European vacation for August, and they’re telling people we are going with them. Connection was also able to confirm Mary is supposed to go on this trip along with her new boyfriend (much older rich finance guy, shocker) and that my in laws have not told anyone about what happened with me and Mary last year, they just told people we moved away for work.

Obviously, at this point, any possibility of reconciliation was gone. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Jenna angrier than when we found all of this out. Just the utter gall of them lying about something like terminal cancer to manipulate my wife into forgiveness. I’m still amazed they would stoop so low, but it was eye-opening to see comments on my last post talking about how common it is. They even call it “Christmas cancer”. Some people just have no shame.

Jenna decided to write a letter this weekend explaining that she knew they were lying about everything. She told them that they and Mary are essentially already dead to her, she’s processed that grief, and recommends they do the same. She also said that if they try to reach out again, the next letter they receive will be from a lawyer. She told me that writing the letter was healing for her, so that’s one small thing to be grateful for.

We were left wondering who told them about the baby/gave them our address. I’m sure the address is not hard to find with public records but we have been so careful about the baby. The connection we reached out to didn’t even know about her until Jenna called (we like/trust them just didn’t want to take any chances of it getting back). We went over for dinner at my parents’ place a couple of days ago and Jenna started telling them about what happened. I noticed my mother averting eye contact and my heart sank into my stomach. I asked her if she had been the one to contact them, and she just started bawling, saying she couldn’t imagine never knowing her own grandchildren and just wanted us to “heal and be a family together”. My dad had no idea she had reached out and was shocked and disappointed in her as well.

I went absolutely ballistic while Jenna sort of just shut down and got this blank look on her face. I can’t remember half of the things I said but I ended by saying she would now know what it’s like to not have access to her granddaughter, just like my in-laws. We took the baby and left right away, ignoring calls/texts from them and eventually my siblings.

So now we’re both feeling betrayed and heartbroken. Never in a million years did I think my mother would violate our trust like that. We’re so close. She loves Jenna and the baby so much. My family knows exactly what happened with the in laws, she can’t claim ignorance. Obviously we’re taking a lot of space from them but funnily enough, Jenna is advocating for us to not be too hasty in cutting them off. She feels like my mom was not acting maliciously and is open to giving her a second chance, especially given she’s been nothing but supportive of me/my wife until this. Somewhere down there I know she’s right, but it’s too fresh and I’m still so angry. We’ve asked for space from my family and they’re being respectful about it, we’ll take the weekend to cool down before we figure out next steps together.

Thankfully we have this cute little chubby grub in our house that giggles and makes silly sounds so it’s hard to stay super upset or in your head about anything for too long. I know it’s going to be a hard road rebuilding trust with my mom but I feel somewhat hopeful that things will be okay in the long run.

Thanks again for your help.

Tl;dr: In laws were lying, there was no cancer, wife told them to go to hell. My mom was the one to contact them and we’re taking space from my family before we explore repairing the relationship. Currently focusing on squishing my daughter’s cheeks to feel better. We’re going to be okay.

Relevant Comments

OOP on if he would allow his father to have his solo visits with OOP, wife and their child. Not letting his mother tag along.

OOP: We’ve let my dad know that he will be welcome to come see the baby on his own, but we want space from everybody for a little while. He understands

Sea_Midnight1411: Oh wow. I’m so sorry this has happened to you but well done for making the right choices throughout. Your wife’s idea of discreetly gathering more information before going nuclear was a good one, as was the decision to go nuclear afterwards.

Your mum is seriously in the wrong here. A definite time out is needed. If you do discuss things with her again, she’s going to need to explain her actions in light of the fact that the in laws are people who faked cancer to get their way, and why she thought lies and deception were more acceptable than having your decisions respected.

Good luck OP! Here’s to healthy boundaries, good emotional well-being and a happy little kiddo in the middle of it all x

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am not The OOP, OOP is

AITAH for leaving my fiancee after I learned there were strippers at her bachelorette party?

Originally posted to

TRIGGER WARNING: infidelity

  May 16, 2024

What the title reads basically. I(29M) and my ex-fiancee(29F) were together for 5 years. We should have been married now in the normal conditions but I broke up with her and cancelled the wedding 2 days before it because they invited male strippers to bachelorette party. I am personally not a fan of these parties but reluctantly agreed after both groom & bride side confirmed we would keep it simple. I told my ex-fiancee I am not comfortable with strippers or other kind of crazy things. She agreed. I also told my friends if they were to do a stupid thing without me knowing, we would have problems.

We stayed at my friends' summer house and chilled there by the pool, did some wow raids and played board games. My ex-fiancee and her friends went to a restaurant then rented an airbnb. There was no problem during the night and next day I asked how things went. She and her close friends said it was really chill and good. We returned to the city centre after that. I encountered another bridesmaid that day when I was shopping for a bracelet for my ex-fiancee for her upcoming birthday. I asked that girl how's everything as we were in the same department at the college but rarely talk now. She is closer with my fiancee than me. She said it's going good and last night was crazy with all the strippers. After saying that she looked uncomfortable. I asked her about the details but she was not willing to tell much. I think she realized she should not have talked about it. I laughed, said goodbye and left.

I confronted my fiancee and she seemed surprised about it. She was denying it first, then told me nothing crazy happened and one of the bridesmaids invited strippers. I reminded her that it was a strict boundary for me. I asked about the details but she said there was nothing much with strippers just solo dances and that's it. I told her I need some time to think. Almost all of the bridesmaids messaged me ensuring nothing happened when I was on my way back home(definitely not coordinated). Things happened after that but in the end I decided to break up and cancel the wedding. I lost some money since it was only 2 days before the wedding. Things are not cool right now. My head is messed up, I get criticism from everyone and no idea about what to do. My sister told me to see a therapist to process my thoughts and feelings. That is what I'll do next. Some mutuals suggested me that I should reconsider things and stop being so whiny about such a small thing. I do not think it's such a small thing especially when they all tried to hide it from me.

AITAH here?

ADDITIONAL INFO

OOP

Everyone is telling different things. One person says it was crazy, my ex says it was just solo dance, another person says it was different. I do not know whom to believe to be honest and that's one of the reasons I lost trust here. Apparently, the stripper was naked and that even alone is a dealbreaker for me.There is no way for me to know what happened that night and why she did not even bother with calling me or telling me about it.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Commenter

INFO: I get your boundaries were completely stomped on, but before I can give a judgement, I need a bit more info.

Did gf know ahead of time, or was she ambushed once drunk and away from home? How far from home was she? What would you have done if she’d called you tearfully and told you her friends had gone behind her back to organise strippers, but she was too drunk / didn’t have a vehicle to drive to leave?

ETA: how has she been with these friends since?

OOP

We were about 30-40 mins away from each other. If she called me, I would have gone to take her. If my friends invited a stripper without my knowledge(we both agreed it's unacceptable), I would call her and let her know. If available, would leave the place if not would probably take an Uber or have her pick me up.

She is not doing well with her friends. It's chaos.

  May 17, 2024

I read most of the comments in the original post and thank you for the advice. My problem was that not her being blindsided by her friends but lying. Every bridesmaid told different things and none of them gave details about what happened. I believe you can understand it just shatters the trust and makes you think there is something going on.

I thought there was something wrong with me after reading the comments. There were a lot of YTAs and I thought I should apologize. One of the bridesmaid  reached out to me last evening. I suspect she saw the post somewhere and recognized it. I knew my fiancee was having problems with her friends since last week but I did not know the extent. Apparently, my ex-fiancee and her close friends blamed the girl that I encountered at mall about everything. This divided the group and led into a verbal fight. I will skip the personal details here but in the end she told me my ex-fiancee and other bridesmaids got sexual with the strippers. My fiancee was the only one who had boyfriend/fiancee/spouse(at least monogamously) there to my knowledge. Also, I was told by her that my ex-fiancee was not blindsided with stripper invites. She was happy to see the strippers and was relieved she had an excuse. I do not have proof for all of these but I got a short video of girls making out with strippers. One of the girls is my ex-fiancee and that's enough.

She has been trying to reach out to me since we broke up. I confronted her again. At first, she denied it again then it became we just touched, then okay we kissed too, okay I gave him a handjob, finally I was coerced into doing these by others as I pressed on. I just blocked her after the last part. I did not see any need to learn further. I was hurt already but learning that I got cheated on hurt more. I am not sure if it's the full truth even now. I will never know but all I can say is it hurts. I will go to a therapist to not carry my luggage to my next relationship. I lost 15K from the wedding related things and need to focus on filling the hole for a while.

Some misogynists made weird comments about women and I'll just ignore them. Some of the people told me I am an insecure, unfunny nerd for playing WoW on my bachelor party. Isn't the whole point of bachelor parties having "one last fun". It was raiding non-stop with the boys for me, not having one last sexual interaction with a stranger or having a stranger's butt on my face or penis. I will not miss on out these during marriage anyways(omitting the stranger part).

That's it. It's therapy time tomorrow and thank you for the help.

TL;DR: Bitter truth was revealed bit by bit. Ex-fiancee had sexual interaction with a stripper.  It's therapy time.

NEW UPDATE

  June 1, 2024

A quick update with good news. I sorted out most of the mess regarding the wedding ceremony. Ex-FIL and Ex-MIL came to learn about the details and covered 10K of the wedding cost. I also got the ring back. They are amazing people and I wish them nothing but best. They apologized for what happened even though it has nothing to do with them. My ex is blocked everywhere and stopped reaching out to me. I assume her parent had a good talk with her.

I have people supporting me during this tough time around me thankfully. Especially my friends. We keep playing Season of Discovery with the boys because Cata Classic sucks.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am NOT OOP. OOP is

Originally posted to

Why doesn't CPS take this girls kid?

Thanks to for the suggestion!

Editor’s Note: changed letters to names

Trigger Warnings: child neglect, assault, possible alcoholism, drug use

: December 31, 2023

So a while ago, we went out to a bar. I didn't drink, just went to watch a show they were playing, but it was fun. I went with my best friend and her friend. After like 4 hours, we went back to the new girls place. She had left her 7 month old daughter alone the entire time. She lied to me and said the baby was 1 and a half, as I'd that makes it better. I stupidly did not call the cops, because my friend begged me not to, but I did call CPS the next day. From what I heard, they did visit her and have been talking to her.

So flashforward to today, my friend comes to visit me and brings that girl, since I've been feeling a bit unwell. Well, on the way, after finding out they're visiting me, she has my friend turn the car around and goes to pick up her daughter asap after hearing it was me they were going to visit. So she'd left her alone again and only went to go get her because she was probably scared I'd call the cops. My friend called to tell me this after and to say she's not going to be friends with the girl anymore.

But while they were actually here, IMO that baby is too thin and small for her age, her diaper was immensely full and she had a bad rash (I changed her because her mom was too busy with my wine). Honest question, why does this chick still have her kid after I already called?

It's been a few weeks, if my mom brain isn't lying to me. (I thought my baby was 6 weeks old a week ago, she's 8.... Lol)

Do I need to call CPS again? What do I say because whatever I said last time didn't work.

Additional information from OOP

I called like 30 minutes after they said they left. She indeed left the baby alone again and got a call from the cops. My friend refused to drive her back home, she had to Uber, so I'm not yet sure of what's happened, but this was an hour ago.

I'm sure she'll talk to one of my friends in the AM and relay whatever happened, but it's probably not good for her. Hoping it's good news for the baby.

The girl does have normal, loving family... That don't talk to her that often because she's always drinking and doing wild things, so if they do take the baby, I doubt she'll go to strangers. She just kept mentioning at one of the hangouts how her family is "so judgy" and doesn't know "how to mind their business".

Although I did offer to the cops to take in the baby if needed. Maybe a little nuts on my part; I have an 8 week old and I'm a single mom. But I'm a great mom and she'd be well taken care of. I doubt that's how it works or that I'll be taken inconsideration, but yeah.

I've been up and thinking about this situation too. It stresses me out because I'm worried they won't do anything.

Edit: I also informed them of the last time this happened and asked them to report the bad diaper rash. I'm sure that poor baby's diaper was extremely full when they found her, so I probably didn't even really need to mention it. I forgot to say here, but the day she left her alone that first time (that I saw), the baby had shit all over herself. Mom still decided to pour people shots before trying to do anything. :( I truly regret only doing a cps call that time. Lesson learned, the hard way, that if needs to be a police call.

Relevant Comments

Commenter: If you think the baby is in immediate danger, call the police. CPS works with local PDs. In my profession, we call both.

OOP: Will do. She's going out with another friend of mine tonight, so I'm gonna take a wild guess and say the baby is going to get left alone. I'll call once my friend lets me know they're headed out.

Commenter: Can your friend who knows she left the baby alone back you up? A call from a second individual couldn’t hurt.

OOP: I don't think she would help. She's very against cps for some reason. She actually got angry that I called originally, but now only sort of agrees

BoogieBoo: As a former CPS caseworker - removal is a BIG deal. It’s the last resort. CPS also needs proof that will hold up in court. CPS can’t just decide on its own to remove a child, they have to present their case to the court on why the child should be removed and the judge has to order it. I’m not at all saying you’re lying, but one person saying that the baby was left alone is not enough to warrant removal.

OOP: That makes a lot of sense. Not trying to be judgy of cps, but it was so hard to see that horrible diaper rash on that poor baby. I should be relaxing rn due to some health issues, but I'm over here fuming. I'll help with the proof by calling the cops on her when she goes out tonight with some of my friend group. I don't have a doubt in my mind that the baby is getting left alone again.

: January 1, 2024

So my friend isn't the best at iterating things and gave me some unclear info, but I did get an update.

The girl, Rachel, never called my friends to let them know what happened, but my closer friend contacted Rachel's sister and got some info. So Rachel, the mom of the baby, got arrested for freaking out on the cops. I guess she pushed one of them. They had taken the baby, who was found screaming her head off. Rachel's sister said her parents are going to try to get custody of the baby. Not sure what's going to happen otherwise. If there's any significant update I'll post something.

My one friend is mad at me, and the friendship is probably over, but my closer friend is not. I'm going to talk to her about how, even though she's wary of cps, I'm not ok with the fact that she didn't do anything to help the baby. I'm sort of emotionally over the friendship too. I feel like I got left with a lot of drama when I already have a ton on my plate. TMI, but I have rectal bleeding rn and I'm waiting for an emergency appointment later today. So I didn't need to be left with this and I feel like my friend should've done more.

Don't get me wrong, I don't regret helping, but I needed them to be better people and step up when I need rest/healing. I have a baby that relies on me being healthy and alive.

I do feel like Rachel loves her baby. I didn't mention it in the post, but she spoils her kid rotten with gifts... But then doesn't change or feed her consistently. I think there's some mental health issues at work, and it's probably better than her parents are going to try taking over. Idk how probable that is, but hopefully.

Overall, I'm happy the baby is going to be safer. But sad that she probably is already traumatized. I'm also going to listen to my therapist and try to choose my company more carefully. I do feel like there's a lot of drama in my life, because I choose people who I want to "help" and that aren't stable or happy in their lives. And then I end up with friends that don't do anything about severe neglect, or my very difficult baby daddy.

This situation made me think a lot. And made me very sad. I hope baby will be ok. :(

Edit: I forgot to add, but my friend is mad at me because they'd gone to the NYE rave and did Ecstasy & Molly, so they were scared to get into trouble. Not sure if they drug test in jail, but yeah Rachel is also on drugs, so that poor baby is probably going with her grandparents. At least I really hope so.

I've also realized that I just need more mature and calm friends. I indeed had wild party days (although I was not a drug user), but those are behind me and I'm focused on my daughter/school. Not all of my friends are like this, but about half are my old party friends. I think we're just not compatible anymore.

Relevant Comments

hananobira: Giving excessive gifts is a sign of abuse. The abuser knows they have been abusive - in this case by leaving a helpless infant alone, hungry, and dirty. To assuage their guilt, they bombard the victim with presents, compliments, and affectionate gestures. But eventually their innately selfish nature wins out and they go back to the abuse. And the cycle continues.

Just because your friend buys her baby gifts does not mean she loves her baby. If she loved that baby, she would not leave her unattended for hours. If she personally was not capable of caring for her, but genuinely wanted her safe and happy, she would leave the baby with her parents or someone else who could take good care of her.

Yeah, any so-called friend who supports leaving an infant alone is not a good friend and needs to be out of your life.

Please tell me the baby daddy is in no way connected to the rectal bleeding. If someone did that to you, you need to get them out of your life too.

Thank you for doing what is best for the baby. You did the right thing.

OOP: Eww, she's not my friend. Had to comment that lol. I think I do feel a little guilty for causing a shit storm, but I don't feel guilty for the baby being rescued. I really hate people and wish a lot of them didn't have kids.

And no, it appears to be some internal bleeding issue. The ER sent me home because I'm still in stable condition, but it's been scary.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

How it started:

Sure but not everyone is a music nerd who gets offended when you conflate two of the thousand+ music genres that exist. Regardless, Techno is a colloquial umbrella term for all electronic music.

I'm not mad, you're the ones who are mad:

Expressions of annoyance can be statements of facts, it's how you word it, generally when you want to be helpful and educate people you preface the statement with something like "You might not be aware..." or "In case you didn't know..."

I'm not sure why you're so upset over this you feel the need to be rude by attacking my language skills. Take care, I'm sure your pleasant personality wins you many friends that you can educate on the ever-so important and sacred music genres.

No I don't mind being corrected, I'm offended that people can't just enjoy it without being pedantic. I never said that techno isn't a specific genre. Words can have multiple meanings. Language differs based on location. If someone asks for a Kleenex, well adjusted people don't go "aCksHUalLY iT'S a tIsSuE", they hand them a tissue and go on about their day.

User tries to explain that DnB is not exactly obscure, OOP won't have any of it:

Finding any genre of music obscure or not is completely subjective. I wouldn't expect people who only listen to country and Christian rock to know any of this. I love music but I've never felt the need to correct someone who didn't use the right genre to describe a piece of music. In my mind the only people who who would feel the need to do that are people who have a more in-depth special interest in music and the differences in genres(music nerds), which is totally valid and I'm open to a friendly discussions about that, or chronically online folks who derive joy from feeling superior by correcting someone.

I did notice those examples used those terms, which I thought was interesting because to me that signals their annoyance at the perceived misuse of the word techno. I do know that techno is specific genre, but that's not going to change the way I speak. And I don't mind being corrected, I love learning new things, but I don't like it when people who feel the need to be right apply black-and-white thinking to something with nuance like language and music genres. Music genres aren't exactly cut and dry anyway.

A lot of people calling a concept something does make it right, that's how language works, it evolves. When the amount of people using a term reaches a critical mass the meaning changes. As much as I don't like it, irregardless is a word you can look up in the dictionary now. Trying to correct me by asserting that techno is not also an umbrella term for all electronic music would be like me telling someone from the UK that they are wrong for calling a semi a lorry.

But I'm not sure where you get the idea that I feel persecuted? Sure it's irksome to have multiple people attempting to correct you when they aren't as right as they think they are, and it's definitely sad to me that people can't just enjoy the music I shared and instead felt the need to focus on the wording, which I only got from the . I just didn't care if it was the right genre because to me and many people I've ever known, techno is an umbrella term. What's odd to me is that people care so much.

Tons more popcorn inside

I am not OP. That is who posted to

May 19th 2024

I’m a 35 y.o f married to a 38 y.o. Man. We have been together for 10 years and have 2 children 9 and 5. My husband works very hard he has multiple jobs he works throughout the week. Recently we had a discussion about taking time off and spending some time together. It is difficult because of things in his past he accumulated a lot of debt which is why he works so much.

I work 60+hrs a week and take care of the household and childcare things while much of his income goes to paying his debts. I keep up with the household I do the house work, and lawn work, repairs etc and he contributes where he can. With in this year he has taken time off for family and co-worker events. He has scheduled time to take trips with his friends, and when he does so I’m the designated baby sitter.

Many days after he gets home he is responsible for his parents. He takes them grocery shopping fixes things at their household and does some of their housework. I forgot to mention he is one of 5 and all 4 siblings live close to his parental home. His parents assist in child care for his siblings but not for ours.

I’ve told him my frustrations of being consistently placed on the back burner. The other day I lost it, I found out he invited his family to our house for a family reunion last week. I thought he took time off of work and he didn’t. The house was a mess, and most of the mess is his. I was expected to clean the house, get the groceries, run the kids to their weekend events.

Start cooking and get the reunion set up as he set the time for 4pm the time he gets out of work. The kids are helpful in doing their chores and cleaning their rooms. I got the house clean and by the time his family started pouring in I was stewing as he was at work. He asked me why there weren’t any clean towels as he was going to take a shower and I freaked out in front of his whole family.

I ran down the list of how I am always on the back burner for “these people” how I am one person and I’m the one contributing to the household while he works just to pay off his debts, how I have no security or support in this relationship and that he is like having another child and that all I feel like I’m worth is an occasional fuck whenever he is in the mood. I let it all out.

I ended with im done, I packed a bag and I took off. I’m sat in a parking lot hysterical. And no the kids weren’t present they were outside playing. He is a good father to the kids but as a husband I feel like I am better off by myself. I have so much resentment towards him. And no he hasn’t called he texted me “loud and clear” which made me even more angry because THIS IS EXACTLY HOW HE DEALS WITH EVERYTHING! I’m now feeling like an asshole for going off and saying all I did especially in front of his family. Aita?

May 20th, 2024

Update wow oh wow! Thank you all for all the advice, the kind words and some kick in the pants type of support. I came here to see if I was the asshole and was body slammed with a lot of harsh truths. I’m not going to lie, much of it was cathartic to hear that I’m not the asshole and it hurts to hear that I am being taken advantage of. So, here’s where I’m at.

After the “loud and clear” text I was bombarded with phone calls and texts from his family. I sent a message to my husband to give me some space and if he had any care for me and this relationship to call off his dogs. I put my phone on do not disturb with the exception of my children’s ipad. I had called my mother, sent her some money and she picked them up for a special grandma date/sleep over. Once they were there I face timed them and told them I was working. I’m not working. I had a secret rainy day fund and splurged on a nice hotel and spa day, had a few drink, cried my eyes out some more and just spent the day unplugged and journaled all my feelings. (I haven’t had time to do any of that in a very long time). After that I mustered up the courage to open Reddit and read my fate and wow was I surprised! I was fully expecting a ton of “you ARE the asshole” comments.

To clear up a few things. I shamefully do not know the lengths of his debts, much of it was from his parents putting bills in his name, others is just mismanagement of money credit cards etc. I took over the finances after I found a letter in the mail saying that we were going to lose the house. I was contributing to the household bills at the time and he was doing the finances. I trusted things were well. This was after marriage and after kids. We went to counseling because of it and he said he was ashamed and afraid to tell me the truth. I took over about 3 years ago and I told him to focus on clearing his debt and I’d hold the household down while he did. I did not expect it to take this long and with inflation everything has just become more expensive and that much more hard for me.

I was supposed to go back to school and that was put on hold so I could catch up on what we were behind, hence the working 60+ hours. Im a nurse and I work 12hr shifts and capitalize on overtime where I can. I agree with the comment saying im burnt out, I realized this today. I realized at work or at home im constantly in critical thinking care giver mode. My job is to care and problem solve for everyone but myself. To clear up the comment of his family doesn’t watch our kids is because they did so one time and threw it in our faces and I said never again. I see how they use him, I have said something before and he returns with “one day they won’t be here and I’ll wish I could have done more.” I told him that’s fine but you have siblings that are equally responsible, some that don’t have spouses or kids that can contribute.

As far as the house and things go he does really help when he can (don’t jump on me I just want to be truthful) I think it came across that he comes home and does nothing, he just works up to 16 hours 7 days a week so a lot of times it’s me doing the majority of it. As far as the trips goes… yeah…. That’s a sore spot…He tells me about them, he takes the day off, it pisses me off. I have to BEG for time and if and when we do get it we end up in a fight or I have to plan everything or we can’t get sitters and sit home and he sleeps all day. And to be honest I’m so full of resentment that it’s almost too little too late. Like when I’m around him I’m just so pissed off! He says I always have an attitude and that he’s trying but nothing is ever good enough.

So, I just stopped and accepted my fate, hence the blow up. I haven’t spoken to him yet besides telling him to call off his family, he was part of the dnd on my phone. I’m enjoying the peace, I’m enjoying being by myself, and just being present and aware of my feelings. Knowing my kids are safe and I can truly take some time for myself and my mental health right now is everything.

I know tomorrow I have to go back to reality and deal with everything. I promise to update when I can. I’m sorry to leave you all hanging if this isn’t the update you had hoped for. I just want to enjoy this escape a little while longer while I can before my world implodes. Thank you all and please keep the advice coming, I truly am alone on this one and need all the advice and support I can get.

May 21st, 2024

Update Thank you all again for all the advice. I woke up this morning with a clear head. I’m still upset, and disappointed. I had tons of voicemails from his family, I don’t have the energy to listen through them all. I don’t care, like I said I’m angry but I also feel embarrassed.

I did call my husband this morning. I could tell by his voice he didn’t sleep last night and he confirmed that he in fact did not. He told me after the blow up he asked everyone to leave. He was surprised to see my mother as I sent her to pick up the kids. He said that’s when it really became real.

We had a long conversation. I did apologize for exploding and doing so when I did and not communicating better. He said he understands why I felt like I couldn’t and was actually glad it happened the way it did. His family finally got to see how much they affected his home. According to him, after I left he laid into them and told them that he can no longer be the only one to help his family out and that a lot of the mess he’s in is their fault. He said that after the blow up he told his siblings they need to step up and help with his parents.

His parents were obviously upset with the whole ordeal. I couldn’t care less to be honest. They couldn’t believe that they are “such a burden because they ask for a little help from time to time”. I just rolled my eyes in disgust as he was talking.

My new space along with my feelings of hurt and anger just let me speak all my truths. I had nothing left to give or lose so I told him how I felt about everything. He sat in silence for a while, then finally broke down and said he feels like a failure. He’s ashamed of the debt, and how much he has let us down. He said he was exhausted and has been feeling depressed because he couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel and feels as though he’s ruined our future. That he goes out with his friends to feel “normal and himself” because all he does is work. That he does this because of this black cloud that’s been hanging over him.

I wasn’t my best self in this moment and told him to save me the self pity it’s pathetic. That he got himself into this mess and I’m digging him out. I’m fucking depressed too, there’s a ton of shit I want to do that I can’t do because I’m financially unable to do so. I went off how over the past 3 years his income has gone solely to debt repayment yet there’s no end in sight, because I haven’t even seen the so called debt! I’ve given him my all and as much support as I could gather but I’m angry. This isn’t the life I pictured or set myself up for either. It’s not the life my kids deserve, Ive missed out on so much because I’m working or I’m cleaning or I’m just so tired I can’t even open my eyes. I told him he has no one to blame but himself.

I think my disdain was concerning. He said he will show and prove, that he will print out his credit report and list out all the debt he has along with all his pay stubs and bank records and the receipts of what’s paid off and whatever else I want as far as his finances are concerned. He promised me my hard work was not in vain and that he is almost debt free. Come to find out his parents opened credit cards and bills in his name when he was younger and accrued close to 100k of debt in his name, not including interest, they trashed his credit and that’s why it has taken so long.

According to him, he has been fighting with the collection companies to settle, trying to consolidate or get a lower interest as it was multiple companies and debts. What I didn’t know is some were so bad his wages were being garnished. He was in tears and said he didn’t know how to tell me, that he didn’t even know the extent of what they did. He was basically working all these hours with nothing to take home to us and accruing more debt just to survive. I stayed silent. My blood was boiling. He didn’t even realize he just helped me make my decision.

He jokingly said my outburst took care of the family situation and that is why he texted me “loud and clear” meaning he and they got the message I told him I didn’t find it funny. It’s a shame that it took an outburst from me for everyone to hear what I’ve been saying all along. That he’s an idiot for not filing charges on his parents and just taking it up the ass and allowing it to ruin my life and the children we created lives. I told him he’s apíñeles and I feel so stupid! He said he didn’t call me because he knew how mad I was and was scared he would say the wrong thing and say things just like that.

I thanked him for the honesty and the conversation and told him I am so broken angry and hurt right now that I can’t even pick up my pieces let alone his. Right now I need to clear my head. He said he’s willing to do whatever it takes to turn this around, he even suggested marriage counseling. He told me he used his PTO and took the rest of the week off to work on this. I lost it and sobbed uncontrollably. If it was that easy to take time off, why now and not then? I asked him why didn’t I matter before we got here? Why now? I told him he needs the time off to find counseling both personal and legal. That I won’t be coming home.

He asked me if I was serious, he begged me to rethink my decision. He said all the things I’ve been wanting to hear. He asked me where I was going to go, and what about the kids and the house and the bills. That I couldn’t tear the kids from the only home they know. I simply replied I know this is what needs to be done and I’ve already set the ball in motion. He hung up on me.

I cried then went to get the kids. We are going to have a wonderful week in a somewhat fancy hotel and swim in the pool and order room service and make some memories. I took some of the money I had saved in my rainy day fund and extended my hotel stay to include me and the kids. I have an awful lot to catch up on with them. The look on their faces when I said “no mommy doesn’t have to work tonight was priceless” I also have an appointment with legal consultants tomorrow. Hopefully I can talk to a lawyer and figure out what’s next. Wish me luck everyone and thanks again.

I am not the original poster. Please don't contact or comment on linked posts

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is . He posted in

Thanks to for the rec!

Mood Spoiler: things get shittier and weirder

Original : May 24, 2024

I (30M) recently earned my PhD from a very prestigious university outside my country. Due to a learning disability, it has been incredibly challenging to say the least. There were countless nights where I'd be left in tears because I couldn't wrap my head around a chapter or was completely stuck on an assignment feeling beyond hopeless. But I persevered and it is such a relief to have achieved this.

I returned home where my dad proceeded to throw a dinner celebration at home inviting the entire family to celebrate. He is incredibly proud of my achievement and wanted to celebrate it with the whole family. I was looking forward to meeting everyone but my cousin let's call her Jane (fake name).

Jane is 36, unemployed and lives at home with her parents. She always has to be the center of attention constantly giving her advice and input on things when nobody wants or asks. My mom and her parents always defend her behavior which has only made it worse over the years. They claim she is incredibly talented and she needs room to achieve her potential. My dad and I have tried countless times to reason with my mom not to get involved with her, but she is way too stubborn. In our culture we are expected to play nice with family no matter how awful they are so pretty much nobody calls out her behavior. So yeah while she hasn't ruined family events per se, she definitely leaves a sour note and we can't uninvite her or else the drama will be unbearable. This 'grin-it-and-bear-it' mentality has always sucked in my home country and I think it's a big reason why my dad encouraged me to settle abroad.

The day of the dinner arrived and Jane was insufferable as always. She would not stop interrupting conversations and would totally dominate it with her tall tales about how she was getting job offers from Google or going to travel around Europe to pursue her passion in music and art. It was especially annoying since she'd keep interrupting me when I was trying to explain my research to my family members who were genuinely curious and she clearly couldn't stand it.

Then Jane decided she finally had to give me advice on what to do with my life now. My mom and aunt basically cornered me not letting me get away saying it was important and she was being a 'good older sister' by guiding me. My dad thankfully stayed right next to me in case things escalated. She started going on and on about what she did after graduating high school to make herself a 'success'. My mom and her parents were nodding along while my dad and the rest of my family looked done with her. I kind off zoned out not wanting to engage but she noticed and got annoyed. She snapped her fingers in front of my eyes and looked at me annoyed, 'I'm giving you such good advice, you should pay attention so you can do well like me'. Rather then the usual apology or excuse that I'd used for years, I proceeded to reply, 'Is it good advice to end up an unemployed loser who lives with her parents at 36 like you? Then no thanks'

Everyone was stunned silent for a second before she proceeded to burst into tears and run out. My aunt and uncle glared at me before racing after her. The dinner pretty much ended after that as everyone made excuses to go off. My mom exploded at me telling me to apologize but my dad defended me saying Jane could stand to learn from me instead of lecturing me like I was a kid. The argument spiraled out of control and things have been pretty tense since. My aunt and uncle sent some nasty texts but I ignored her while my mom kept going on about how heartbroken Jane was. My other family members reached out as well some saying they got where I was coming from but shouldn't have said it so publicly while others said I'd become arrogant and I should apologize. I'm feeling pretty conflicted about it now. So AITA?

TLDR: Condescending cousin tried giving me career advice so I humiliated her in front of the entire family. My mom and dad have been fighting ever since and everyone thinks I shouldn't have done it

Update 1 (Same Post): Date Unknown, but within the next week

Update: Thank you all so much for the comments. Have been going through them and I want to clarify a few things. First as many of you pointed out - yes, my culture is very hypocritical and toxic but people are too set in their ways to change. They'd rather tolerate Jane's BS then call her out for it since it would start drama with her parents and my mom. Second my mom's always been weirdly protective of Jane which has been a source of tension between her and my dad. My dad thinks my aunt emotionally manipulated her into defending Jane and it's too ingrained into her. We honestly don't know for sure, we just assumed until that point.

Now on to the update. Jane has been blowing up on social media calling me arrogant and saying I have no concept of respect - the irony is not lost on me. Fortunately she faced backlash for needlessly airing family drama on the internet and has since taken down her posts. However the texts from her parents have continued. They're rather entertaining to read.

After mulling over things I confronted my mom last night. She gets very obsessive about cleaning when she's upset so I waited until she was done and I knew she'd be too tired to keep up her incessant demands. She wasn't really in the mood to talk but I didn't give her much of a chance to run away. I told her very bluntly how I felt about Jane's behavior and then I told her that I considered the fact that she was taking Jane's side a betrayal and that I thought I could always count on at least my mother to always have my back. I admit it's probably a little manipulative. She tried to turn it around on me saying that I was being disrespectful and it was her job to tell me when I was doing something wrong, except she wasn't expecting me to respond by asking if she cared so much about Jane then why she never bothered doing the same for her. She had no response and she proceeded to just walk away and ignore me for the rest of the night.

Today morning she came into my room early in the morning and she apologized to me saying she should have realized how I was feeling. I know people will say I should have rejected it and put all sorts of conditions, but at the end of the day she still is my mom. She might have a terrible weak spot when it comes to Jane but she's always been a great mother to me and I cannot hate her if I tried. I forgave her instantly which made her cry and she hugged me saying how proud of me she was and she was sorry for not showing it. I think my dad must have said something last night that got to her.

I decided to push and ask her why she was so defensive of Jane when she had nothing going for her and she was constantly making up lies. She tried to defend her again but I told her that I was tired of doing this same old routine and if she could please treat me like an adult.

After some pushing she finally admitted that she knew Jane had absolutely nothing going for her and it was grossly inappropriate for her to try and give me career advice like that. But her perspective is that Jane is someone to be pitied and we should be compassionate by tolerating her BS so she doesn't feel bad. I pointed out that they'd just enabled her behavior and made it worse, but conveniently now she said it wasn't her place to correct Jane. I was getting kind off sick of this cycle that was doomed to repeat so I told her I wasn't apologizing to Jane now or ever and the next time she tried to condescend me I wouldn't bother holding back. I think she was a bit emotionally drained so she accepted so I can just hope she got the message and won't push the subject of Jane anymore.

So I've been laying in bed thinking about all of this. I think pretty much everyone in the family is sick of her behavior so I think I'm going to talk to my dad about asking the rest of the family to exclude Jane and her parents from future events. I'm not really sure how to approach this and I doubt everyone will be on board but I guess if we at least get the ball rolling then people might consider in the future. Kind of sucks that all I can do is hope stuff works out instead of knowing for sure

Update 2: June 1, 2024 (8 days from OG post)

This is actually so insane I don't even know what to make of it. I feel like I'm living in a bad sitcom right now.

To summarize in my previous post I called out my entitled cousin for trying to give me career advise resulting in her having a meltdown and my parents fighting it out. Things have been kind off frosty since then but my mom seems to have gotten the message which is a relief. She and my dad are talking again which is a relief because the tension was killing me. All I wanted was one peaceful month at home before I started my new job but I might not get it with what transpired.

Last night, my mom gets a phone call from my aunt. She is hysterical, crying how they've lost everything. She spends close to thirty minutes hearing her out but eventually its too much for her and she just ends the call. She went into the living room and just sat there practically catatonic. After about ten minutes she began to tell us what was wrong and I can't wrap my head around it.

Jane decided that the best way for her to get back at me was to get a PhD for herself. No doubt she thinks she'll breeze by it and be handed to her on a silver platter. Her parents being the enablers they are, were instantly on board. The details are a little vague here but from what we could put together, somebody approached them promising they could get Jane into a PhD program at Harvard. No doubt there were red flags all over but they dived right into it and the man asked for a hefty sum which was most of their life savings. I can imagine Jane being all smug that she'd be the 'best PhD' in the family. Her competing with me is a mixture of annoying and sad because she has no concept of self-awareness.

I don't know who is worse here - Jane or her parents but very foolishly they accepted it before the obvious scammer blocked them everywhere and ran off with their money. It just baffles me how easily they fell for it, didn't they think even for a moment that it could be too good to be true? And these sort of scams are incredibly common in my home country so they have no excuse for not knowing better since it is common sense but I guess expecting even that much from that narcissist is too much.

I have no doubt they'll be begging the family for money now and I have a feeling my mom will bring up the issue. I'm anticipating more drama which I'll inevitably be dragged into. I'm just so exhausted with all this right now. I think I'm just going to ask my parents to visit me where I work from now on. The nostalgia visiting home is great but it really doesn't seem worth the effort dealing with everyone. If any family member I like is wanting to visit I will gladly fund their travel and stay, but I can't deal with all the nosiness and judgement anymore. It's getting on my last nerve. Anyways I'm going to go sleep this off because my head is throbbing thinking of their idiocy.

Edit: For those of you worried about my parents finances, there's no concern because my dad is in control of it. My mom has her own debit card for small expenses but any major spending she needs his permission. Might be a little backward idk, but it's avoided a lot of problems because my mom is not very good with money and tends to funnel any she gets to her sister's family.

Edit 2: Lot's of spelling mistakes trying to correct them whenever I realize I made one

Relevant Comments:

Commenter: They got what they asked for by constantly enabling her instead of being critical. SHe's a loser and they were content on giving in to some random whim she had and now they are broke. Hopefully your dad has control of the finances. Your mom sounds weak and pathetic and she needs to grow up.

OOP: My mom isn't a bad person she's just too compassionate for the wrong people. I think the issue is that she sees Jane as a child and a victim in this instead of an adult so she's too soft on her

Commenter (downvoted): I find this all a little hard to believe

OOP: Believe me I feel like I'm living in a sitcom. Nothing about what happened seems real at all

Finances:

OOP: My dad is one of the smartest guys I know and he's incredibly careful of his money. He checks all his accounts and cards multiple times per week. When you work as hard as he did for his wealth you put a lot of value on it

(to a different commenter): My dad is in charge of their finances. She has her own debit card linked to his account but he monitors it and it has some sort of limit. We both suspect she spends constantly on them but for significant amounts she needs to ask my dad and given the circumstances he's unlikely to agree

I am not the OOP. The OOP is posting in

Concluded as per OOP

1 update - Medium

- 7th May 2024

- 7th June 2024

TIFU by being a bad GF

I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year now and have been living together for 3 months. I work a salon and make just under 30k whereas he makes almost 150k at his job. Unsurprisingly, since we've been living together he's covered all of our living expenses which is a blessing.

3 days ago, he came home and told me that he lost his job and I straight up panicked and first thing I asked him was how are we going to live. He didn't say anything, he looked super defeated and just went in and takes shower, afterwards, he went for a walk and still didn't say anything to me.

I figured, he must have been panicking as well and didn't know what to say or how to deal with the situation.

We've barely talked since then. I went home last night and my dad could tell that something was wrong so he asked me and I told him that he lost his job and his first response was, "that's alright, he's the smartest kid I know. He'll find a job that pays him double." I then told my dad everything and he said, all your man needed was for you to reassure him and hug him but instead you only thought of your livelihood and showed no concerns for him or that difficulty of being jobless.

I brought it up to him this morning and he said, he doesn't care about the job, he can have another job by next week if he wants to and has enough savings to maintain our current lifestyle for over a year but told me that he was very demoralizes and hurt by what my priorities were in the situation.

I feel like such asshole and unsupportive gf. Idk how to make it up to him.

TL;DR: my bf loft his job, instead of consoling him or reassuring him of his worth and skills to get a new one, I complained about how it'll affect our lifestyle.

UPDATE: we talked things out. Make plans for the future. We'll be fine. We've made up!

He's got a couple of interviews lined up after posting his unemployment on LinkedIn. He wants to take a little time away from everything to decompress and we're taking a trip tomorrow going near the Ozarks to spend the weekend and enjoy each other.

Thanks everyone for your inputs both positives and negatives. I really learned a lot from the experience.

Comments

minertyler100

It’s a good opportunity for growth. Have an open conversation about it

OOP: Thanks. I've definitely learned a lot from this.

ccoakley

But have you had an open conversation about it yet? Do not delay. Tell him everything, especially that you feel bad for your reaction. The longer he stews on your initial reaction, the worse things get.

Directly ask him what you can do to make things better. And, when it’s safe to do so, point out that though you learned not to say something dumb, you will say something dumb in the future. Not because you’re dumb, but because you’re human. But that doesn’t mean you don’t absolutely love him and want to be supportive.

Unfiltered_America

Won't be the last time you cram your foot straight into your mouth, but you can learn from every time you do. Accept responsibility, apologize, empathize and you'll be fine.

YourWordsHaveNoPower

MY pappy used to say, "It's alright if you end up with your foot in your mouth, as long as you acknowledge were the bad taste is coming from."

Update - 1 month later

A little over a month ago. I post about my major TIFU and how my dad saved me from being an idiot.

Since then, our relationship has never been better I've done a lot of learning and growing. Many of you here helped to come to grasp with reality and he accountable for which I am very grateful.

The week my bf lost his job, we took a trip to the Ozarks and spent time alone together and had tons of fun and really established what we want for our relationship.

After getting home from outle little weekend trip, my bf accepted a job with a former coworker who'd gone to be the CRO of this company as the Sales Director making astronomically more than he was at his previous job. Despite that we are still adhering to what we agreed would be right for me to contribute to our finances.

Thanks to the individuals messaging me about how much I suck and dersved to die. (There was no need to be so mean, I get it fucked up)

Now to the good part. Two weeks after my TIFU. We found out that I am Pregnant. I am overjoyed and my boyfriend is beyond excited. We can't wait to find out the gender.

TL;DR: I TIFUd, we worked things out out. He's working new great job and I am Pregnant. We're gonna be telling family about the pregnancy tonight.

Comments

RedStag00

So now he is making more money and you get to go right back to valuing him for nothing other than his income? Poor guy.

skobuffs77

Don’t forget she’s pregnant now too!! Now he’s financially tied to her for the next 18+ years!

i_need_a_username201

Him: I lost my job.

Her: how will we live!

Him: i found a new job paying more!

Her I’m pregnant!

Me: dude be very fucking careful with this one and don’t marry her.

DarwinGhoti

BUT THEY WENT TO THE OZARKS AND ITS ALL BETTER NOW

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS. I am NOT OP. Original post by and in . The daughter commented on the original post under the username

trigger warnings: Parents disregarding children's wishes, nasty breakup

mood spoilers: frustrating

- Aug, 24, 2021

I (51m) have been dating my girlfriend Millie for just over 6 months. My wife died 4 years ago and this is my longest relationship since, however my daughter Bianca (21f) disapproves. She has a lot of issues with me and Millie but the main ones are the way we met (through a website) and that I moved Millie into our house fairly quickly after 3 months. In my defence, losing my wife much earlier than I had ever imagined really taught me to seize and enjoy each moment, and it just felt right to both of us to have Millie there with me permanently.

2 months ago, Bianca and Millie got in dispute over our spare room, which Bianca uses as a music space, but Millie wanted to convert into a shooting space for social media (which is her job.) I took Millie’s side since she’s going to be here longer term, so Bianca sped up her plans to move out to the next week and asked that I warn her if Millie’s going to be present at any event or visit.

Anyway, last week I thought it would be nice to treat Millie for her birthday, and she asked for a shopping trip and dinner out, which I was happy to do. The issue is she specifically asked to go to a restaurant where Bianca works as a waitress, since it’s known as one of the most exclusive and classy places in our town. I knew Bianca was working that day, but figured it would be alright since it’s a large restaurant and a special occasion.

When we arrived, we were given another server so I thought everything was okay. About 15 minutes later, Bianca walked out from the kitchen and immediately saw us sitting there, then walked straight back without even saying hi. She kept passing the table and silently glaring daggers at Millie, which was just unnecessary when Millie tried to be polite. Millie then asked Bianca for the bill (because she was the nearest waitress), and Bianca slapped it down on the table wordlessly then sent another waitress to see us out.

Later!I called her and asked why she had behaved like a child. Bianca said that me and Millie had been deliberately flirting to upset her which is untrue- the most that happened was a couple of kisses and a bit of footsie/ giggling. Bianca also claims that when I briefly left to use the toilet, Millie called her over and told her not to contact me for the next few days as we would be too busy engaging in ‘private activities.’ I find it hard to believe Bianca, because Millie has made an effort to bond with her through organising girly activities among other things while Bianca has a history of manipulating others to get her way.

Bianca then told me she wants no contact with Millie or with me apart from at family gatherings. My family is split over the issue, and my ex-wife’s sister called to cuss me out for ‘neglecting’ Bianca who is still grieving her mother.

AITA? I understand that Bianca and Millie have their issues and Bianca misses her mother, but Bianca was at work and I think she should have been more professional.

OOP's daughter the following:

Hey everyone! This is ‘Bianca’ talking, after I saw the Twitter thread made with Dad’s post and my roommate encouraged me to make an account to at least try to defend myself. I hope at least some of you hear me out (and ty to the very kind twitter peeps who’re looking out for me- appreciate it guys, and I’m fine!)

What my dad says has grains of truth but is so far from the full story it’s basically bullshit. My Mum did die when I was 17, and me and Dad were actually very close. He started dating again a couple years after she died and I was always very supportive until ‘Millie’ came along. Regardless of what Dad says me and Millie had an emotional relationship lasting several months which ended in a massive bust up and us losing contacts and he was aware of this when I told him I recognised her. He brushed it aside and told me I would get used to it and we would be introduced gradually. I was stoopid and believed his shit.

He moved her into the house without asking me, while I was visiting Mum’s family for the week. She did not try to bond with me- she used our shopping days and trips as an excuse to get money off dad for herself. She cried and begged dad until he got rid of my music room, and he fell for it. I asked them not to be intimate when I was around because I was uncomfortable. They ignored me.

Millie and Dad have since tried to contact me regularly and have shown up in unexpected places. They showed up at my Church, they have apparently visited my work and asked my friends if I’m there. They have even tried messaging me to ask when I’m visiting Mums grave and I want them to join. They are despicable people who deserve to be cut off.

I would love to hear dads explanation of why I’m manipulative. Until then, tysm to everyone looking out for me again, and just don’t believe any of the crap in this thread. Other than the shit about liking young women. That’s probably true.

OOP is voted YTA. He also posted the same text on (minus the paragraph asking if he was the asshole) and was clowned on just as hard. Since the posts are pretty much identical, I will not include the latter post.

(recovered through ) - Sept. 5, 2022

Editor/compiler's note: For some reason, OOP gave everyone initials instead of names in this one. For the sake of readability, I have given previously-named individuals their names back and given the daughter's wife the name Ephru after a character from the Star Wars: The High Republic books.

I (52m) have a daughter Bianca (23f) who got married last week to her wife Ephru (24f). They had been dating just under a year and decided to have an intimate wedding with me and about 20 other guests.

Bianca does NOT get along with my fiancee Millie (29f). Bianca has no contact at all with Millie, refuses to come to our house, and has been quite low contact with me for the last year or so because of an argument she had with Millie. As expected, Bianca did not invite Millie to the wedding, but invited me as a guest. Millie said she did not mind if I went without her, which I thought was very gracious in the face of rudeness. However, we recently found out that Millie is a few weeks pregnant with our first child, and she has been anxious and having panic attacks all the way through her pregnancy. The morning of the wedding, I found Millie crying on the sofa and literally shaking. I asked what was wrong and she said she felt very panicky and unsafe alone. I offered to stay home since she was so ill and I was worried about her, but she insisted I go to the wedding. I was too concerned to go without her, so I messaged Ephru, informed her of the situation and that Millie would be coming with me incase she had a medical emergency while I was away.

Ephru did not respond until we were already dressed up and halfway to the venue. Ephru told us that Millie was NOT to set foot at the wedding but at that point I had no other option and I wanted to be there for Bianca. It did not go well.

Bianca did not speak to me the whole way through the wedding and kept giving ugly looks to Millie. At the reception, there obviously wasn't a place set for Millie and an extra chair had to be 'squeezed in'. Biancaut I cut some food and fed her off my own plate so I did not think it was a big deal.

Ephru came to me after dinner, said that Bianca was not doing a father-daughter dance with me and gave me a list of complaints.

She said she was 'disgusted' by Millie's dress because it was red (???) and that Millie was wrong to introduce herself as stepmother to Bianca and that Millie should not have mentioned her pregnancy at all. Millie only mentioned her pregnancy because she was offered a little cake and cake makes her sick because of the pregnancy hormones.

Ephru told us to leave after dinner and I agreed so I did not upset Bianca. However, when Millie stood up, her stomach cramped and she fell over. It only made a tiny scene but I rushed her out and we sat in another room for 20 minutes until she felt better. Ephru's mother came in at that point while I was just calming Millie down and made us get out.

Since then, Ephru and Millie's maternal family have been sending me angry messaged about how "rude" we were and Ephru has told me they want no contact for the foreseeable future.

I really meant well and I just wanted to make everyone happy, but AITA?

found that appears to be the same person:

I (53m) married my long term fiancée, now wife, Millie, last week. We have a child together (9 months F), who I will call Penny, and I have an older daughter with my ex-wife, who I will call Bianca (24f).

Millie and Bianca do not see eye to eye, and Bianca has been very low contact with me for the last few years as a result of several disagreements between the two. These stemmed from Millie moving into my house and taking over a room Bianca used as a music studio, and Millie taking ill at Bianca’s wedding, which Bianca perceived as Millie “trying to steal the spotlight”. Bianca has only met her little sister two or three times, and always insists on meeting her outside my house with my wife not present.

After my ex-wife died, I kept her wedding ring, engagement ring, and other bits of jewellery. Bianca immediately inherited some of the jewellery, and I kept other, most important, bits back, including the wedding and engagement rings, without telling Bianca. When Millie was pregnant with Penny, I revealed to Bianca I had her mother’s engagement ring and offered it to her if she would come to the baby shower and participate in our family. She turned me down, refused to come to the shower, and has never expressed any interest in her mother’s other jewellery since. I had not directly told Bianca I had her mother’s wedding ring, but she also never asked.

So, I decided that, since Bianca had decided to turn down the promise of the engagement ring, she would not be too fussed about other jewellery. My ex-wife’s wedding ring was very beautiful with a very distinctive stone, and I liked the symbolism of my former and future wives being connected, so I asked Millie whether she would like to use the ring. She was absolutely delighted as she loves the ring, and agreed.

So, I invited Bianca to wedding and she eventually agreed, with the promise of not being in any family photos and not having to attend the reception. I thought this was a good compromise that would allow us to rebuild the relationship slowly. There was an argument when Millie refused to invite Bianca’s wife as the wedding is in a Catholic Church, but I calmed Bianca down and agreed to sit her with her grandparents and aunts at the ceremony. Millie was absolutely delighted that Bianca agreed to come, as she really wanted to start to build bridges and reconcile.

Bianca attended the wedding and all went went until it came to the exchange of rings. As the rings were presented, Bianca must have recognised Millie’s ring, and simply stood up and walked out the church. We did not realise she had left until after the ceremony, and Millie was absolutely beside herself. It completely ruined the ceremony, she was drunk, and cried the entire night. She’s become extremely depressed and does nothing but lie on the sofa.

I tried to contact Bianca that night, and managed to get through to her wife. She called Millie a b-word and a manipulator who “stole” Bianca’s heirloom. This is not true. I have since been blocked by Bianca and her wife, and this has completely ruined the memory of our special day.

I do plan to check on Bianca’s well-being at some point but, in the meantime, was I wrong?

I am marking this as concluded as OOP's daughter seems to have cut him off for good. Reminder - I am not the original poster. DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is posting in

Concluded as per OOP

1 update - Medium

- 4th June 2024

- 5th June 2024

My Job Is Overly Involved In How I Dress, Is This Borderline Harassment?

I've gotten a lot of different opinions from people in my life on this situation so I want to ask some unbiased people.

I (24f) have been working at my job for a year and a half. I do a good job, my reviews have all been good... except for how I dress. This is my first "corporate job". I put it in quotes because it's not really your average desk job. It's a sales office, we sell credit card machines. Its a company made up of 50 people, its a very laid back office environment. I am the receptionist... and part of the marketing team... and I do tech support... and I do office upkeep... I'm including this to show that I do a lot there. I don't just sit at the front desk and smile at people and transfer calls.. We do not have customers come into the office, the only people that come in that are not part of the staff is the occasional interviewee.

The dress code is jean casual. I signed a paper saying jeans and a nice top is the dress code. When I first got the job I felt like I was over dressing. I would wear slacks and a blouse, or a dress, or a pencil skirt and a button up.. you get the point. Business wear is not my style whatsoever... I'm an alt girly. But I know a job is a job and I sucked it up and bought clothes that were professional looking. but as I continued working I noticed everyone dressing extremely casual... I'm talking ripped jeans, leggings, slides, graphic-t's, baseball caps, hoodies.

As I continued working I realized that some of my job duties were pretty physical, sometimes I have to go into the bathroom to change the soap (if you've ever had to do that, you know sometimes that means literally laying on the bathroom floor under the sink to twist the bottle on..) or do major cleaning where I would be getting dirty. Wearing a dress or a satin blouse, was not it... So I slowly started dressing slightly down. Jeans that are not ripped, a nice top (not a t-shirt) and sandals or a clean white pair of slip on vans. Even that was more put together than 90% of the staff. Plus I was much more comfortable and confident.

I am the youngest employee, I feel like I still dress appropriately and I follow the dress code that was described when I accepted the job. The executive assistant Linda (64F) has taken a liking to me and has helped me be more professional with the way I interact with the CEO and things like that. She typically wears something like tights, ballet or the pointy flats, and a blouse or sweater (but shes 64 so the blouses are well... older lady longer blouses.. you get the picture). She did my first review and said I was doing great. Later in the week she pulled me in and told me that the CEO wants me to dress better. I was still new and trying to make a good impression so I again , bought some clothing that I felt were a little nicer but decided to stick to more of my style and colors that I liked. Since everyone else seemed to dress how they wanted too with no issue I felt like I would be able to do that too while still maintaining a professional look.

Well.. I guess not. Something is always wrong with how I dress but they always beat around the bush and don't tell me what they don't like. It's always so hush hush.. I don't wear leggings, I don't wear ripped jeans, I come with my hair done, jewelry... its business casual but like I said I'm a little alt so my outfits are black or sometimes patterned, I wear silver jewelry, I have a nose ring, that they said was fine... I even asked if they wanted me to change it to a stud and they said no it was okay. My tattoos are covered up... my hair is not an unnatural color... I don't wear like heavy alt makeup.... but I'm not a preppy blonde "clean girl" like their last receptionist.

I had my one-year review. Again, they said everything was great except... "Your dress isn't quite where we want it to be yet." At this point, I was fed up because I was really trying and I told them "You guys tell me this every review, I've bought a whole new wardrobe of business casual clothing even though the described dress code is jean casual. I feel like I dress more business-like than everyone else. I don't get what I'm doing wrong." Mind you this was my one-year review and was fully expecting a raise... they've added many more job duties than what I was originally hired for... I didn't even get a $0.50 raise. I said that I have already spent a substantial amount of money on clothing to wear at this job, I can't keep on buying different clothes for this job. They do a thing around Christmas where the higher-ups have to get their subordinates a Christmas gift. My higher-ups are the executive assistant, the sales manager, the marketing manager and the IT manager... I think they all assumed the others would get me something but none of them did. I really did not care about that at all.

Two weeks ago the executive assistant brought up the Christmas gift (she realized no one got my anything). She said that as a late Christmas gift, she wanted to get me some clothes for work. I felt pressured and in a sort of uncomfortable position so I just agreed. She suggested just ordering stuff online, I told her Shein was cheap and had a lot of variety (please don't come at me for supporting shein... i know its terrible.) I was fully expecting her to explain the kinds of clothing they were looking for and then I would be able to have some say so in like the color at least... but no... she basically had me sit there... she picked out different tops... they were all very older lady looking and colors and prints that I would never ever choose for myself.... floral blouses, bright orange, bright yellow... One of the tops came in a leopard print. I said "oh I like leopard, I can wear that with the black slacks I have." But no... i had to get the white with blue flower print. She got me gold jewelry.. like I said, I wear silver, and shoes with heels, and the pointy toe flats.

I was getting frustrated so I just let it happen. The clothes came in... and I was upset. I felt like they just dont like my style. I wore one full outfit she got me and I just looked like her.. not an outfit a 24 year old would wear. I decided to mix in the stuff that she got me with some of my own stuff. Yesterday I wore a pair of boot cut jeans, a nice black long-sleeve shirt, the gold jewelry and a pair of heels that she got me. I honestly thought I looked very nice. In the middle of the day she pulled me in and said that she was getting comments about my jeans from one of the male higher-ups. The jeans had no back pockets, but they were 100% denim. I was wearing heels, so I guess that like accentuated my legs. She told me that someone was saying that I needed to wear a top that covered my butt if I was going to wear jeggings.

I was having a rough day and I finally snapped a little. I said I felt like I was getting unfairly targeted about how I dress. I told her that I follow the dress code as described, the pants I was wearing were no jeggings, I wear the things they want me to wear, but the other women I work with continue to come in wearing leggings without their butt covered, tops with cleavage, graphic t-shirts, sweat pants, tight jeans, jogger shorts. I come in dressed in business casual even though the dress code is jean casual and there is still something wrong with my outfit almost everyday. I would understand it if I was wearing clothing that was inappropriate but that's not the case. I also said I'm starting to feel uncomfortable that everyone has something to say about how I look, I am the youngest woman here and I feel like they think they can push me around about things that don't affect my job performance. I walked out because I was sick of being insulted about how I dressed and made to feel insecure.

I have a meeting with her and the CEO tomorrow about it. Now I'm nervous that I'm going to get in trouble. Is this situation weird? Am I not seeing something? Or is this unreasonable and borderline workplace harassment?

Comments

Feeling-Object9383

OP, to be honest, at the moment you came in the office mixing their purchased items with your supplemented by golden colour jewellery, I was totally pissed.

Jeans and top were in your description. Stick to it. With the next comment, bring it and show it to them. Tell that you exactly follow the agreement. Golden jewellery instead of silver? Come on. What is happening is humiliating.

I would understand if you work in the front office of a luxury hotel. Then you wear a uniform.

Just say politely but firm: "I don't breach the dress code description." Don't spend much time for the further discussion.

Zombiewings2015

Exactly. “Explain to me how gold jewelry is ok but silver is not?” “Explain to me what’s wrong with my clothes in detail, so I can get this right.” “Explain to me in detail why this is against the code I signed” “explain to me how this is not considered harassment when I’m the only one getting talked to when wearing (clothing)”.

Secret_Pick6524

I've been in a professional setting for 23 years now and I have no fuckin' idea how women are supposed to dress. I've been in environments where I have to wear suits and some women would wear leggings and a tee shirt with a flower on it. And older women that dress like shit always seem to have some issue with some younger women that don't dress professionally by employee handbook standards, but dresses more professionally than most.

OOP: Yeah... its confusing... all the saleswomen dress like bums. I wear a form-fitting turtle neck and a knee length skirt with my hair pinned up.. its inappropriate... I look online for "young women, business casual outfit ideas" and follow that and there is still an issue... i don't get it.

fish1115

Who exactly has been communicating these issues to you? To me it seems like the executive assistant has a problem with you and potentially some resentment. Who is doing your reviews? I hope your meeting will put an end to this.

OOP: The EA has been communicating most of the issues to me. The customer service manager also said something to me when I wore a form-fitting black turtle neck saying others thought it was too tight. I have to do YouTube videos for the company too, I wore a green scoop neck blouse (no cleavage) the shot was waist up, and has three rings on and a silver necklace. The CEO looked at the footage after we filmed and said that I looked chubby (I'm 127 pounds) and that all my jewelry was distracting and had me refilm the entire thing with no jewelry, in a t-shirt with the company's logo on it and a sweater. So I cant be sure who is the one who has the most issue.

I get a review from the EA, and the Sales and Marketing manager. the reviews with the EA are the only ones that ever talk about how I dress. The two other managers I have reviews with are male. But with the comment about the jeans I was wearing, the EA said that a male higher-up thought they were inappropriate because they didn't have back pockets and my shirt didn't fully cover my butt but asked her to say something to me because he didn't want me to think he was looking at my butt... she didn't specify who said something.

I hope the meeting puts an end to it as well.

Update - 1 day later

Okay, everyone! I just got out of the meeting with the Executive Assistant and the CEO about my dress code.

First I just wanted to answer the question I was seeing a lot about why I haven't said anything to HR.. well, because the executive assistant is HR... we don't have an HR department...

TLDR: They don't like how my body looks in the clothing and the fact I wear dark colors basically.

I really wanted to be prepared for this meeting, since I am the youngest and I'm a bit of a pushover I wanted to make sure I didn't get bull-dozed over in this meeting. I printed out the section of the handbook that explained the dress code, and when I got home yesterday, I changed into the last four outfits that I had worn that I was dinged for and took pictures, including the outfit that was half my stuff and half the stuff they bought me. This morning I went around and took a few pictures of my co-workers (I asked for consent) who were wearing ripped jeans, flip-flops, and graphic-t's. These things are clearly prohibited per the handbook. I also brought with me a top that was bought for me, (a blouse from shein bright orange and frilly) then wore a top that I bought for the job that was fairly similar (a blouse from H&M that was dark green).

I asked if I could voice-record the meeting so I would be able to refer back to the feedback. they said okay. They started off the meeting by telling me that it was inappropriate that I argued back yesterday and walked out. (some people were confused when I said I walked out. I didn't leave work, I just walked out of the office.) I apologized for the arguing back but followed it up by saying "I report to 4 different people and have many tasks throughout the day, you two know that Tuesdays are my busiest days and I was frustrated that I was being called away from my job duties to discuss my attire as I was in the middle of a very crucial tasks."

They tried to swerve around that statement and just went into why they brought me in. They told me that they had made multiple attempts to get me to adhere to the dress code and that I had refused to comply. I told them that I have been trying to adhere to the dress code, pulled out the handbook, and read it out loud to them. I explained that I had been following the dress code as it is described in the handbook and asked if they could explicitly tell me what I had been doing wrong, I had bought different clothing, I had worn the clothing that they bought me and I dress business casual even though the handbook says "jean casual" because I understand that being at the front desk means I should be dressing up a little more.

They told me that the outfits I choose to wear are distracting. I pulled out the pictures I had taken of myself and asked them to explain in detail what was distracting about these outfits because I clearly didn't understand. Their response "The black pants with the white polka-dots are inappropriate." in that outfit, I was wearing a white flowy top that fully covered my butt and had a high neckline with white flats. I asked them to elaborate, they said the pattern is distracting. I wrote down, no patterned pants in my notebook in front of them.

The next outfit was a form-fitting black turtle neck, tucked in with a belt and cream dress pants. They said that the turtle kneck was inappropriate because it was a tighter fit. I wrote down, no form-fitting tops. I then pulled out the picture of the outfit I wore which included the heels they got me and the boot-cut jeans with no back pockets. They said the pants were highly inappropriate since they accentuated my behind paired with the heels. I wrote, no heels paired with jeans. I was keeping my mouth shut still. I then pulled out the shirt that was bought for me. I said I'd like to know how this shirt that was bought for me and the shirt that I am wearing now are different and why one is preferred over the other. They said that the bright frilly one is more inviting and presents the message they want more than the one that I was wearing. The dark green is not inviting but the orange is. This was their reasoning for my silver vs. gold jewelry question too.

I then said, "Okay, I think I'm starting to understand." I pulled out the pictures of my co-workers. I asked, do you see how I would be confused when the rest of my co-workers dress like this every day." They said that the other co-workers are held to a different standard since they are in the back office. I just nodded.

I replied "Okay I think I understand. So patterns are not okay unless they are bright loud colors and floral print?" they nodded and smiled "And since I am in the front, I am expected to dress business casual/business professional. Not Jean casual as described in the handbook." they smiled and nodded and said "yes, we're happy to create a new handbook for you to refer back to." and then I said "and for the other outfits, it's not really about the items of clothing, it's about how my body looks in the clothes, and my body is the thing that is distracting everyone at work. Not the clothes." They sort of stammered a little bit and I said "I really try hard to make you guys happy but I think it's inappropriate that this whole meeting was done, taking time out of everyone's day just to tell me that my body is being looked at in a way that is distracting people from their jobs. I am very uncomfortable and am feeling sexualized and harassed at this point. I understand that the dark colors and certain patterns aren't what you guys are looking for. But the other feedback you've given me is just about my body and how it looks. My compensation is not high enough for me to afford to buy any more clothing for this job."

They told me that I was misunderstanding this whole meeting and that was not what they were saying at all. The clothing I wear is not inviting and not the message they want to put out, it has nothing to do with my body. They pride themselves in being an inclusive and safe workplace and would never intentionally make anyone feel sexualized and they couldn't believe that I was interpreting this as harassment. They said that they felt like buying me clothes was a kind gesture to help me work on my professionalism and they thought that I would have been more receptive of that. They also said that if I'd like, they can extend my hours so my compensation is raised. They said that they would be having another meeting with me about the new handbook and to look out on my calendar for it.

I was so frustrated (I am an angry crier, I did not cry but I felt it brewing.) I just smiled and nodded and asked if there was anything else they needed from me. They said no and I walked out of the office. I had so much more that I wanted to say, but I choked up and was upset I didn't say anything else. I am looking for a new job, I don't want to do this other meeting. I feel like it's not worth trying to fight it anymore... I guess I'll just wear the 4 outfits they got me every day until I find a new job. I feel a little defeated and have a sour taste from all of this, but can't afford to just quit. But I have the recording so I'm going to research to see if maybe I have a case here. I'm not meant for corporate America...

Comments

Separate_Slice9706

They offered to let you work more hours so you can afford clothes that they approve of? How did they say that with a straight face?

BeefInGR

My boss put in for a $6/hr raise for myself and another guy (to get us just above market rate for what we do). The person who decides those things (not his boss) wrote back "we can offer them three hours of overtime every week but not direct compensation".

LlittleOne

That reminds me. My boss tried to ask her supervisor for a raise for me. Told her that I was doing the work of 2-3 people and I needed some better compensation or I was going to get burned out. Her supervisor told her "well if money is the issue, she can always work overtime"

It just felt like such a slap in the face to be told essentially, yeah you're working harder than most people, just work more and that should solve the problem"

LowBalance4404

I really feel like you need to get a lawyer involved in this. Nothing that they are doing is appropriate. And making a manual just for one employee?

tattoovamp

I agree. A lawyer needs to be involved. This is beyond ridiculous

stinstin555

Agreed. OP: Schedule a consult with 2-3 attorneys well versed in workplace litigation, the initial consult is usually free. Outline everything that you detailed here and put the recording of the meeting on a flash drive to play during your consult.

I believe you may have a case for a hostile workplace and the comments about how your body looked in certain clothes may meet the threshold for a workplace harassment claim. Good luck

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Concluded as per OOP

1 update - Medium

- 5th June 2024

- 7th June 2024

AITAH for throwing my brother's prison trauma in his face to prove a point?

My brother has always been an angry hotheaded thug. Since he was a small kid he showed violent behavior, idolized gangs, and would just generally be a prick to everyone. Hes the kind of guy that goes on about "respecting him" and tries to intimidate everyone just because he can. When he was a teenager it escalated dramatically and our parents tried whatever they could to fix it. He started using drugs when he was 16. By the time he was 19 he went to prison for 2 years

Prison changed him. After he got out he was not the same guy. He flinched when you touched him. Slept with the lights on and added an extra lock to the door of his room when he stated with my parents. He was broken. He eventually had a full blown mental breakdown where he started talking about what happened. It was about as bad as you expected. His combative nature isolated him day one and made him a target for all kinds of abuse his entire sentence. He's been in therapy for years.

He's 32 now. He went back to school, met a nice woman, and is actually turning his life around. Our relationship isn't perfect, and it will never be fully healed, but he's trying to actually be a human being.

The problem has been the last couple months. You can see it on his face. The way he acts. Hes slowly going back to his old ways. He acts aggressive around Mom and Dad. When he's out he tries to pick fights again. The people he hangs around with are known violent felons and suspected dealers. He had a girlfriend for about a year but she left him because he started frequently screaming, throwing things around their apartment, and threatening to hurt her. It's obvious he's on drugs again. He's slowly unraveling and throwing away years of progress.

Our parents tried talking to him. Offered rehab. Offered for him to stay with them for some time. He flipped out at our parents and after years of his crap they simply walked away and blocked him for the time being. They spent years and countless dollars before and after his sentence to try and help him. They were done

I tried talking to him. His place was a mess and he had empty alcohol bottles and pill containers scattered around his place. He got hostile very quickly when I pointed out the obvious and threatened me. I snapped, and brought up what he told us about his prison time and told him it would all be waiting for him again if he doesn't fix his shit, and that this time his family won't be waiting to help clean up his mess

It shut him down super quickly, and he just curled up on the couch and weakly told me to leave. I've felt terrible since I brought it up, but he is gladly throwing away years of progress for the same crap that got him in trouble in the first place. He knows what prison is like and he's doing everything he can to go back there. He's spitting in the face of everyone who went to bat for him chasing the same highs that almost destroyed his life.

Comments

mouse_1963

Tough love. Tough for you having to say it to your brother and tough for him being reminded of that time. NTA

Sea-Still5427

NTA. You didn't say it to hurt but in a desperate attempt to make him see where he's heading. I'm sorry as he's a grown adult and I'm not sure what else you can do now.

**Judgement - NTA**

Update - 2 days later

Last night my brother got high and trashed his apartment. He punched holes in the walls, destroyed furniture, and busted windows. Utterly destroyed his place. He tried kicking a neighbors door in and throw rocks through their window when they yelled they were calling the police, and threatened to kill them. Police came, he tries fighting them and got his ass beat badly.

They took him to the hospital. He calmed down for enough time to call me to the hospital (it was unintelligible but i got the gist of it, and yes, i shouldnt have gone to see him), but by the time I got there he had lost his shit again and was in four point restraints. He was screaming and practically feral. I couldn't even get any words in before I decided to leave

From what I can gather from the cops there I talked to they found a ton of drugs, he assaulted a police officer, destroyed his apartment and damaged a neighbors front door and window, threatened to kill the neighbor, tried to escape arrest, punched a nurse, bit a tech, and to top it off he was already in trouble for sending death threats to his ex.

So yeah, he's going back to prison for a much longer time. I'm done with him. Our parents are done. Everyone is done with him. And frankly, I'm very OK with that since I finally am free of the stress he brings

He didn't learn a damn thing

Comments

Trichopsych

My mom went to prison for 4 years when I was 5 (grandma adopted me because my dad was not fit ) . I was never mad . Always made my whole schedule around going to see her on visit days . Answering every single phone call . She got out , got back with my dad . 45 days later she had to finish her sentence. ( she got ten years total but only had to serve four) I will never forget jumping on my trampoline, being handed the phone and hearing her tell me she got drunk and high . I stopped jumping and told her I am done . I grew up that day . So no your NTA . Some people never learn a thing and they expect sympathy for having a pattern of horrible decisions.

benjamino78

I'd ask for the family to get together and address how he is to be handled going forward, make your wishes known and explicit. You'll want to address your NC with them as well so they don't let onto how to locate you or contact info should you happen to move.

OOP: That's not an issue. To clarify the only person I'm going NC with is my brother. My parents and extended family are joining in going NC with him

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