Stories & Confessions

Sorry this isn't incel rage bait. I am not trying to get her to agree to free use or a bang maid or anything like that.

My girlfriend and I were having a discussion about our future. She used the phrase "what do you bring to the table".

I said that my job made our lifestyle possible. That I did my share of the household chores and that I always treated her with respect.

She said that was the bare minimum. She said that she also contributes to our budget. She does. About 10% of our budget is from her. She is in school so she doesn't work much. I didn't care I thought the plan was for her to contribute more once she got a job after she graduated.

Apparently that is not the plan. She wants to be a stay at home mom. To our dogs because we are child free.

So I said that if all she brings to the table is sex then I would expect it all the time. AS A JOKE.

She didn't take it that way. She said that I earn enough for both of us and that she would be doing lots of other stuff for us. That thinking of her as just for sex was demeaning. I asked for examples but she couldn't give any except her half of the chores.

So she would want me to work, support her, and do half the housework in return for what exactly? Watching my dogs?

I said that wasn't going to happen. She could either contribute fairly or we were not going to work because I do not want a bang maid.

I also want to save money. Right now I'm subsidizing her life. So I'm not putting as much into my retirement as I would like.

She said she wasn't serious about staying home but she is angry with me for what I said. I was just trying to make light of what I thought was a ridiculous idea.

Hi. Thanks to everyone who took the time to comment on my post and gave their opinion/advice without being too harsh. I apologize if my update is messy or confusing. I'll try to cover everything but I don't know when to add context for clarification. If you think there's any missing info/some parts are confusing let me know.

The same day I posted my dad called to check up on me and see if my sister and I had talked things out. When I told him no he said it's better if we talk about it now and assured me that I have nothing to apologize for. If my sister thinks she has nothing to apologize for then the least she can do is make her best friend apologize or fully realize that the joke was out of line. By the way my brother and I met 4 days ago and he told me that BIL (my sister's husband) didn't like the way the MOH called me a screw-up in front of everyone and some of those who laughed voiced later that they did so out of nervousness.

On Monday my sister called me to talk. When I made it to her place, her best friend was on the phone and didn't put it down for a second. My sister started by saying that just a few years ago I would have laughed hard and not taken the joke as an insult. I told her maybe some laughed because they don't know the reason she called me a screw-up.

(For context. When I was 16 something happened and that's why I struggled mentally really badly between 16-18. When I was 17 I was diagnosed with PTSD and later with depression and anxiety. Since then I don't like it when someone touches my head. Especially my hair and the back of my head/neck. My sister knows everything)

During our conversation my sister did most of the talking. At some point I felt like my sister had called me just to blame me again without trying to understand my perspective. When I tried to talk she put her hand on the back of my neck and pulled me toward her with each sentence as if to say "Do you understand?" or "Okay?" I hated it and felt irritated. I honestly kept thinking if I pushes her away would I be in the wrong. Would they just call me mental and tell family I got physical. I tried to leave but she insisted that no one was leaving until we sort this out. She told her best friend to just apologize. She refused and reminded my sister that I was the reason her husband got angry at her on their wedding day because I couldn't take a joke and when I tried to explain why (EDIT: I told her if she had focused her speech on the bride/groom then maybe he wouldn't have had a reason to be angry. she refused to listen and brushed my words off) she said "Yeah whatever. Sorry" I was glad it was finally over and as I was about to leave I heard her say "Can't take a joke that everyone knows is true" Both of them laughed but my sister stopped mid-laugh and apologized. I didn't say anything and left.

I think I've had enough. I mean I know I've had a few rough years. I dropped out of college for a while, fine. But I've since gotten my life back on track. My parents helped me through it all and never made me feel like a burden. At first, I was on some strong meds that made me feel tired/sleepy most of the time. After a while I started to feel a little better with therapy and my family's support. During that period it was me, my parents and my brother. My sister was three hours away for a job and used to visit sometimes and would often bring her best friend along with her. Looking back. I don't want to say she hates me but I know she felt ashamed to have a family member struggling with mental health issues. I don't know how to explain this.

I've made up my mind and decided to go NC for now. If my parents and my brother who were there when I was going through it all never made me feel that they're ashamed of me then why would she? I'm still on some meds but feels much better than before. I have a stable job, my own place and friends who loves me for who I am. I can say I'm proud of myself a little. I love my family to death and tried to maintain a relationship with my sister all these years but I'm trying to improve myself not constantly be reminded of what I was a few years ago.

I don’t know what is wrong with my brother Glenn (40s). He goes off on random tangents and is just an angry control freak. He has two ex-wives and 3 children we hardly see.

My family rented a cabin on the lake for a vacation. We met about Airbnb host rules, and Glenn went off on flushing tampons and pads down the toilet. As most menstruating women are taught right away, don’t do this. It’s common knowledge I taught my daughter Emma (13) this. Emma asks her what is wrong with him while he is going off about the flushing of products for more than 5 minutes, and Glenn says all women don’t know this. My daughter tells her uncle she’s been having periods since she was 11, and they teach young girls this in school and tell him to hush with his nonsense and find something else to be angry about.

My brother Glenn turned on my daughter and told her not to be disrespectful to him, and he informed us about how it can destroy the plumbing. My daughter called Glenn a weirdo and told him he doesn’t need to educate any woman on anything and to “stay in his lane.”

This pissed off my mom (Emma’s grandma) about respecting adults, and Emma said respect is earned and walked away from the fight. My daughter is right, and I’m not punishing her or taking away the electronics that she brought. Glenn told me I shouldn’t allow my kids on TikTok, this where she learned this disrespectful behavior. I asked Glenn where his children were and why they aren't on vacation with us. Glenn got angry and left the vacation. He is demanding a refund from everyone because he won’t be disrespected by a teenager. My mom is furious at both me and my daughter for starting it, but Glenn can learn to keep his opinions to himself, and if he cannot handle someone telling him when he’s wrong and running off, that’s on him. My husband and my other SIL (my other brother’s wife) offered to pay out Glenn’s loss on vacation, and my mom is the only one upset that Glenn left.

I’m 27F. I’m a very short woman, 4’9 and under 100lbs. I don’t want to complain about being small, but there are a lot of people out there (esp. other women) who will not take us seriously, are judgmental, make snide comments, assume attraction to us is nefarious, etc. A lot of comments that imply we’re not real women etc.

I’m used to it and usually let it roll off my back. But there’s a new one that’s picked up momentum that I guess stems from a TV show where a girl is putting on a childish act and she says “I’m a very sexy baby” in a cutesy voice and there’s a LOT more to it that you can just Google.

My SIL Cassie has picked this up and has been using this “against me.” I can’t wear a cute outfit without her coming down on me and chiding me for “buying into the whole sexy baby thing” when I am JUST WEARING AN OUTFIT. I’m just trying to be ME. God forbid I wear a shorter skirt or bows or anything I think is cute.

It’s like I’m not allowed to wear cute or sexy things because I’m petite so I’m automatically seen as trying to be a “sexy baby” when I’m not. I’ve asked Cassie to stop or drop it and she maintains that I’m the one opening myself up to judgment and I should dress my age.

This came to a head last weekend when we were in my auntie’s backyard at the pool. I took off my wrap so I could hang with my feet in the pool with my cousins and Cassie immediately said “You’re a very sexy baby” at me and twirled imaginary pigtails.

I raised my voice and said “That’s a really weird thing to keep saying. What is your problem with me? Why do you keep bringing up that I’m small?”

She started to turn red and she yelled back again that I’m the one that’s choosing to walk around looking like the “sexy baby.”

I said that I’m literally just wearing a bathing suit (a one piece halter) and asked her what I should be wearing instead if that’s such a problem.

She yelled back that I should “dress like a grown adult” and to stop trying to cause a scene in front of everyone. I said whatever and just tried to ignore her.

Later on we ended up inside at the same time and she came down on me for calling her out in front of everyone. I told her to stop trying to make me feel bad for being small, that I didn’t choose this body. She rolled her eyes and told me to grow the fuck up, and that “trying to start shit” with her is even more proof.

I am at a loss here and I’m starting to just not want to be around my family because of her. It’s not enough that I get this shit from women at work, at the gym, basically anywhere, now it’s in my family. AITA for calling her out? Or even for just… idk, existing in my own body?

Edit Hey I'm adding this in bc I can't respond to every comment, but it's my brother's wife, he doesn't care. Weve never been close/gotten along. He'll always take her side. Other people in my family are very hands off/handle your business yourself. Just the way they are.

Also Cassie isn't fat, she's just average height.

I have been playing with yo-yos my whole life. Since I was five probably. My uncle taught me how to use one. I have used them in talent shows. I have even been on TV news and on a show demonstrating tricks. I even worked for a company that makes them on a demo team. I know I know. Women want me and men want to be me.

My brother cannot use one to save his life. He just can't understand the hand movements. That's fine he has many good qualities.

Unfortunately forethought is not one of them. I have boxes of starter yo-yos. They are lightweight and easy to learn with. I also have a bunch of balls that have a self retracting mechanism inside so you can get used to the feel.

I was showing off for the kids last weekend at a family birthday party. Everyone wanted one. I went to my garage and got a box of the freebies.

My nephew kept looking at my Maplewood yoyo. He wanted that one. I said no. He went crying to his dad who went to our mom. She came stomping over with my idiot brother. She said that I had hundreds of yo-yos and that I could give one to my nephew.

I said it was a bad idea. I explained that my yo-yos are set up for professional use. Ladies please keep your panties and DMs to yourselves.

She insisted and my brother started insulting me for playing with toys at my age. So I took my nephew and I gave him a ball and a starter yo-yo. I told him to start with the ball until he got the feel for it. Then the light plastic one. I told him only to use the fancy one after he was sure of himself.

Ten minutes. Ten fucking minutes later my SIL is bringing him to the bathroom because he got himself in the mouth. I couldn't help but laugh.

My brother is pissed because his wife is mad that he got his son a "wooden morningstar". This is not accurate. The yo-yo was inspired.

My mother appears to have forgotten her part in this play because she is mad at me.

My brother told me that I had to pay the dentist bill to get the rest of the baby tooth out. I told him to eat a dick.

Edit: for everyone asking why don't I give them their inheritance now? The answer is I am not dead. I can't sell our home and give them that money since I need to live in it. I can't drain my retirement fund since I need it to retire.

I have three kids, they all decided to go to expensive colleges. I paid for their books, and gave them money for food plan but tuition was on them. They knew from the beginning that college would be on them.

My youngest took some community college classes that to save money. The rest of the kids didn't do much to lower their expensives. They are all out of college and a whole bunch of debt.

My mother passed away and she gave me the house. I am selling it for around 500k. I plan use some of it for a big vacation and then the rest to go into my retirement fund.

I decided to let the kids have a look at the home first before it went on the market. It's a really nice area and the house is great. They were suprised by the amount and all of them couldn't afford it. I told them I plan to sell it soon.

This started argument about how I came into so much money put don't plan to give them any of it. I told them it is my inheritance from my mother. She wanted me to have this.

Argument escalated even more and they want me to pay of their school debt. If I did that I it would take 3/4 of my inheritance. So I told them no. I reminded them that when I die they will have their own inheritance from me but I am not dead yet.

They at pissed at me

I (25M) need some advice. My ex-girlfriend, Emma (23F), and I were together for two years. We broke up four months ago because we wanted different things. The breakup was friendly, and we said we’d stay friends.

Two weeks ago, Emma called me out of the blue, very upset. She told me she’s pregnant and that the baby is mine. She wants us to get back together and raise the baby as a family. I was really surprised because we haven’t been together or slept together since we broke up. She said the timing lines up perfectly.

I asked her how far along she is, and she said three months, which matches when we broke up. But we always used protection, so I found it hard to believe. I told her I’d be there for the baby if it’s mine, but I needed a DNA test to make sure. I didn’t want to end up in a situation that isn’t true.

Emma got really mad, saying I should trust her and that I’m being insensitive. She cried and said I don’t love her or our baby. She said she couldn’t believe I’d doubt her like this. I tried to explain that it’s not about trust, but about being sure of something that will change my life. I said I’d support her emotionally but wouldn’t commit to anything financially or get back together until we had a test done.

She hung up on me, and now she’s telling our friends and her family that I’m refusing to help her. I’m getting messages from people, saying I’m abandoning her and the baby. Some friends understand my side, but others think I’m being too harsh and paranoid.

Am I the asshole for wanting a DNA test before committing to anything?

my mom and I are not on talking/seeing terms . she couldn’t respect mine or my wife’s boundaries and rules we set for our kids, and when we talked to her about it she lost her mind and called my wife and I every name in the book telling us” I can and will do what I want I’m the grandma” told me when my wife decided to leave my dumb ass I will be all alone. even calling my adopted daughter (my wife’s first child) “a retarded inbred hillbilly”. So I cut her out of my life.

So to get back at me she turned my oldest son (14) from a different relationship against me. We live in a different state than my son he comes to my state to visit for the summer and usually some time with my mom while I’m at work. she told him he wasn’t going to see her this summer and gave him this nice long story how she did nothing wrong and my wife and I are being ass holes. So he called me a few days after the fight and said he was not coming down if he couldn’t see his grandma. That hurt but he is also 14 so I’m letting him make his own decision I figured when it got close to summer he would change his mind.

Well just the other day he called me (when he found out we were going to a theme park) and said he was in my state for the summer but spending it with my mom . And wanted to go the theme park with me. I told him it was too late I already had the tickets. He seemed to understand that but then he said “well if you want to see me you have to come to grandmas” I told him that I love him and what he did hurt me and being here for nearly a month without me knowing hurt but he made his decision and I will not be seeing him this summer.

I feel like the only reason he called was because he found out I was doing something fun (like I do every summer with him.) I feel like the biggest dick being this way. So AITAH?

My biological mother had me (19m) when she was 18. She ended up leaving me with my grandparents, who I consider my parents. I saw her a few times in the 10 years after but then she moved out of state and didn't come back for visits. I believe a fight over me is why she didn't return for visits because the last time she was visiting I was trying to engage with her and she ignored me. My parents told her she couldn't come to visit and act like I wasn't there; because I was and if she couldn't behave appropriately to a young child she had no business staying with us.

She moved back to the state 3 years ago. This time married with kids. She was very different after this and attempted to mother me after all that time and I shut it down with help from my parents. This pissed my biological mother off. She expected to be able to dictate to me like she was my parent and not a person who abandoned me and ignored me for years. The relationships did not go back to normal. My parents refused to let my biological mother back into our home. My biological mother said they had other grandkids and I had siblings who should be in our lives. They said it would be lovely if it were possible but they knew she would not be healthy for me and they refused to make our home uncomfortable for me when I had nobody else.

There were some attempts at making me get to know her kids (2 at the time) but I told my grandparents I wasn't interested and they respected that and stood up for my right to say no.

Now I'm an adult and my biological mother is pushing harder for this. She went as far as asking me to babysit once a week so I can get to know the kids and I won't have to deal with her if I'm so against her. I said no. She showed up where I work to bring this up to me in person and didn't respect my answer and my boss needed to ask her to leave. I'm lucky I have an amazing boss or she would have gotten me fired.

She sent a letter to our house saying I should be ashamed of refusing to spend time with the kids and I'd be paid for the babysitting and I am rejecting an amazing opportunity and have hurt her kids with my refusal.

AITA?

TLDR at the bottom.

The kids are safe and are with me. My wife for the time being has gone to her family house. A lot has happened in the past few days that has me questioning my entire relationship with her.

Firstly I want to make some things clear from my previous post.

She planned for my 1-year-old to delay joining kindergarten by a year. So there wouldn’t be a “behind” child, but rather one who’s at an average level and one who’s slightly advanced for his age.

People have pointed out that for this to work, all of our friends and family would have to be in on it. Her family completely supports her, and also believes this to be a gift from God.

My family on the other hand live states away. We’ve just recently moved here so the only friends we know are my wife’s childhood friends from when she used to live here.

My wife has had episodes before. When we had my first son, there would be days when I’d come back home from work with the baby crying in hunger bc my wife couldn’t get out of bed. We’ve been to therapy and even moved closer to her family so she could have some support.

But this goes beyond any previous episodes.

I told her that I wouldn’t put up with it. This only works if everyone is on it, and I made it clear I’d never be in on it. She can dress them up in matching outfits, and even call them Irish twins, but if she ever implies it’s anything more than that I’d shut it down.

This did not go over well. She yelled at me for denying her of her God-given blessing. That she would divorce me and raise the kids on her own if she had to.

That scared me, and I told her she had to leave. Now. She wanted to take the kids with her but I refused. I might’ve overreacted but I was thinking about the safety of the kids first and foremost.

That was last night. I’ve been taking care of the kids and have been contemplating what to do next.

I understand my wife isn’t in the proper mental state currently. I’ve brought up going to the doctors and therapy multiple times. But how do you convince someone that they need help when their entire family and friends support their delusions?

I can’t keep the kids away from her forever. Her family and friends are blowing up my phone. Where do I go from here?

TLDR: My wife is insistent on raising them as twins. Her friends and family are all willing to support her, and she’s threatened to divorce me to raise the kids this way.

I was placed for adoption at birth. My older (bio) sister was placed when she was 5 months old. We're three years apart in age and we were adopted by the same parents and raised in the same family. I also have other siblings I grew up with who have no bio connection to me. My sister tried to rope me into a birth family search but I told her I didn't want to find them and offered her my support from the outside but that was as much as I was willing to give.

She found them 5 years ago and has been in regular contact with them since. Our family supported this and my parents have met my birth parents in an effort to support my sister but I still choose not to meet them or have them in my life.

My sister has passed letters to me from them and has been trying for years to get me to agree to meet with them and build a relationship. They keep saying how much it hurts them that I want nothing to do with them. She passes this onto me and tells me how much it hurts her that I won't be a part of this with her because our connection as blood related siblings is huge and now we have more blood related family (her way of putting it). I told her there is no part of me that wants to meet them and nothing I want from them. She told me she knows I have to want answers and I said no, I already know the answers, they were young when they had us and didn't want to be parents at that time. She asked how I knew that and I told her I did listen to her after she met them for the first time.

It's been so messy. I get letters from them about once a month and I try giving them back to no avail so I dispose of them and have never read them. I'm not interested. I can't be more clear than that.

Now I'm getting married and my sister fought for them to be invited. She offered to pay for them to come and told me she would cover all the costs associated with their place on the guest list and I still said no. She called me crying after she had been at their house because they were so upset to be missing it. She said "our bio dad wants to walk you down the aisle" and I told her that's not going to happening and that them being upset wasn't a strong motivator for me. I also warned her that the place we're getting married at has security and we already added them to our package (my fiancé has a couple of family members we need to have monitored in case they get too drunk) and I can easily pass on info about our birth family to keep them out if she tries sneaking them in.

My sister said I'm being unreasonable. My parents assured me they support me either way but want me to know I don't need to take my stance for their sakes (we had this discussion before too) and they'd be fine with them coming. My sister said if mom and dad don't care I should want my whole family at my wedding and I told her they will be. I don't consider our birth family my family for real. Her reaction was even stronger when the invites were sent out and our birth family didn't get any.

AITA?

We were getting ready to celebrate, and take her out for breakfast. She looked so beautiful. She grew so weak so quickly, and we rushed her to the hospital. 

My mother had a hemorrhagic stroke 68 days ago, 24 hours before her 46th birthday. She has been hospitalized since.

I never missed a day. I went to work everyday, and every night, I went to the hospital and stayed by her side until visiting hours were over. In these 68 days, my mother has been able to have a conversation with me for 32 minutes total. I genuinely believe she doesn’t know she's even in a hospital. 

She’d have moments where she would nod at us and squeeze our hands but couldn’t do more than that. Recently, she started mouthing words to us. She was getting better. The plan was to put in a permanent brain drain. It would make it so she wouldn’t need to be connected to the hospital bed. She'd be able to go to the nursing home close to us for physical therapy, due to not moving her arms and legs for over 2 months.

Every surgery has its risks. My mother’s brain rejected the shunt. Infections sprouted and spread. We learned yesterday and she has chronic strokes. That’s why her eyes have been closed for one week, now. She started losing cognitive function 4 days ago. You’ll have to forgive me. In the shock of the news, I might not be remembering everything correctly. The doctor said they would have to drill several holes into her brain to deal with the new strokes. He said the surgeries would save her life, but her brain would be destroyed. She would never come back to us. 

He asked me what I wanted to do next.

I know my mother. Known her for the entirety of my 27 years. I know she wouldn’t want a life like this. I asked them to refrain from performing the surgeries. She’s in, what they are calling, “comfort care”. All measures to heal her will stop. She is now only on painkillers, and the ventilator. With the consideration of my mother’s parents, and her sisters, I have made the decision to turn off her ventilator in a few hours. 

This isn’t fair. She’s the most important person in my life. She was so kind and loving. She loved going to movie theaters. I took her every other week. We watched the same movie several times. She didn’t care. She loved the restaurant Norm’s. Every time i suggested trying new food, shed always ask, “is Norm’s an option today?”, and I’d cave, with the idea that next time I would treat her to new food spots. She sent me videos on instagram of all the food places she wanted me to take her to. Norm’s was always more important to her. My mother loved my workplace and romantic life drama. Sat with me for hours listening and making jokes. Judged me and judged the people in my life. It was amazing. Always had the time of my life with her. Her laugh filled the house. She made every day better than the last. She was the best mother I could ask for. Today, as her only son, I will be responsible for her passing. 

So I (19F) have a older brother (23M) and we have relationship were we are pretty brutal to eatchother, we still love eachother but it's just how we joke around, so I was chilling and playing minecraft when I noticed he was online and made a realm, so of course me being the sibling I am I joined and noticed he wasn't active so I started by making a giant certain body part, followed by a big sign saying something like "eat a ****" and filled it with about 200 hundred axolotl and rabbits so it was super laggy, immature? Maybe, but I knew my older brother would find it hilarious, so I left the world and honestly forgot about the whole thing until the next day my brother texted me "you know thats zoeys world right?" Zoey is my 7 year old little sister, I did all that stuff to my 7 year old sister yall I feel so bad😭 I ended up going back to the world undoing all the damage and made my sister a heart statue as an apology but I still feel terrible.

TL;DR: I thought I was pranking my older brother but it turned out to be my 7 year old sister.

I am not OP. That is who posted to

TW: references to gun violence

May 22nd, 2024

I honestly don’t even know where to start, I apologize if the timeline is difficult to follow. 

My (30F) husband (30M) is currently a nurse. Two years ago, my husband, let’s call him Wayne, enrolled in a one year, accelerated nursing program at a university in our city. This was a super intense program that basically shoved four years of nursing school into one year. (The program is designed for people who already have an undergrad degree and have completed pre-reqs for the program) Wayne quit his job so he could focus all of his energy on the nursing program and pass the NCLEX. I was fully supportive of this and basically told him whatever he needed to do to study and feel prepared, I was game. I think it is important to mention that Wayne and I have been together for 15 years now, we are high school sweethearts. 

During the first week of his program, Wayne met two other students and became friends with them. I will call them Bonnie (27F) and Gail (28F). The three of them became fast friends and quickly made a habit of studying together every single day for almost a year. They would take turns going to each other’s houses for study sessions. The majority of the time the three would be at our house because it was somewhat in the middle between their houses and the university. Since I worked during the day, they could study all day if they wanted. 

I also really liked Bonnie and Gail. Eventually, we all became friends and Bonnie’s boyfriend, Dan (27M), and Gail’s girlfriend, Tanis (28F) would come over for dinners. Before anyone asks, I had absolutely no issue with Wayne befriending women or spending time with them. Wayne and I are best friends and have a very secure relationship. I trust him completely. Not to mention, Bonnie and Gail were also in relationships, so it was no big deal. Eventually, Wayne and Bonnie even helped Gail work through some of her relationship drama and helped her break up with Tanis. The get-togethers became smaller after that, because Tanis was gone and Dan was working more and couldn’t come.

Fast forward to graduation, Wayne and Bonnie decided that they wanted to work in the Emergency Department and Gail was going to work in a less intense area. Both Wayne and Bonnie got a job at the same ER and their shifts would be similar so they would be co-workers. We all thought this was awesome because that particular ER is in a tough part of town and they see a lot of level one traumas. It’s great that Wayne and Bonnie can “debrief” after shifts and vent to each other. Gail was forced to go on night shift, which was the opposite schedule of Wayne and Bonnie. Over the past year, Wayne and Gail haven’t really spoken. Wayne rationalized that they both got really busy and just lost touch. Bonnie still spoke regularly with Gail.

Around this time, Dan proposed to Bonnie! This was a long time coming and we were all very happy for them. Bonnie said that Wayne and I were definitely invited and it was going to be so much fun! The happy couple eventually told us that the wedding would not be in town, but take place in a state far away. Easily twelve to thirteen hours drive or a flight away. While that would be a lot of money for us, we said that we would do our best to come. Bonnie asked Gail to be a bridesmaid and we were super pumped because it would be like a small reunion! At this time, I found out I was pregnant!! We had been trying for a while and we were so happy. It would work out great because our baby boy would be approximately nine months old at the time of the wedding. Old enough that we could leave him for a day or two with my parents to go to the wedding.

Fast forward to last week. On Tuesday, Bonnie hand delivered Wayne our invitation to their wedding. I was able to request off work and we’ve been slowly saving money to travel for the wedding. On Friday, Bonnie pulled Wayne aside after their shift. Bonnie said that her and Dan had a really bad fight because Bonnie invited Wayne and I to the wedding. Wayne was very confused, why would Dan be upset that we were invited? Bonnie then said:

Since Wayne, Bonnie, and Gail met in nursing school, Gail has been under the delusion that Wayne was in love with her. Apparently, Bonnie and Dan would talk with Gail almost EVERY DAY and tell Gail that there was nothing between her and Wayne. Gail would insist that Wayne was in love with her. Bonnie would tell Gail that she was in the room when such and such happened and there was nothing that happened. As time went on, Gail started to badmouth me to Bonnie and Dan. She would say that I was manipulative and I was mean to Wayne, etc. Gail started saying that she needed to break up with Tanis because Wayne and her were going to be together. Eventually, Gail thought that Wayne was going to leave me to be with her. Bonnie and Dan continued to tell Gail that she was crazy and nothing was happening. When Wayne told them that we were trying for a baby, Gail started a whole other delusion that Wayne and her were going to have kids.

According to Bonnie, during one of our dinners when it was just the four of us, I said something  that Gail then passed on to Dan. This was around the time of a school shooting where an AR-15 was used. For context, I was a teacher in an urban school district for five years. During those five years, I was in five lockdowns, one of which had an armed intruder. While I am not anti-gun, I feel very strongly about school safety and gun restrictions. Dan enjoys guns and owns an AR-15. He is also very passionate about gun safety. Gail told Dan that I said something to the effect of “anyone who owns an AR-15 has those children’s blood on their hands”. I can say with 100% certainty that I never said that. I am sure because that is a super unhinged thing to say and it would never come to my mind to say that. If anything, I would have said that AR-15s shouldn’t be so readily available to citizens and there should be restrictions in place so these tragedies don’t happen.

Regardless, Gail told Dan that I allegedly said this. According to Bonnie, Gail talked to Dan without Bonnie present and she was unaware that this conversation had taken place. Dan was very angry and hurt by what Gail said and chose to internalize his anger towards me. Apparently, Dan decided he no longer wanted to see Wayne and I and lied about his work schedule so as to not attend dinners with us. It was not until a couple months after this, that Bonnie invited Dan to dinner at our house and he said, “why would I spend time with those people after what they said?”. Bonnie was confused and then Dan told her what Gail told him. Bonnie told Dan that those words were never spoken and Gail was lying. By this point, Dan had convinced himself that I had said those things and didn’t believe Gail would lie. 

When they graduated from nursing school and started working, they stopped hanging out as much because of their schedules. Gail took this as Wayne “ghosting” her and “breaking up” with her. Gail continued to bad mouth me and Wayne.

When Dan found out that Bonnie had given us a wedding invitation, he was livid. He felt that Bonnie went behind his back to invite us even though “we hurt him”. 

When Wayne reiterated this to me, I was shocked. We had been completely in the dark about this whole thing FOR TWO YEARS. Bonnie had been acting like nothing was wrong. After almost every shift, Wayne and Bonnie talk on the phone. Not once has she even mentioned anything about this. Gail is still in the wedding party despite this. Dan still hates us. 

Bonnie wants Wayne and I to be at her wedding and says, “she can’t get married without her best friend [Wayne] there”. 

Firstly, Bonnie has lied by omission for two years. Frankly, I don’t trust Bonnie anymore. I am skeptical that we have all of the information and there isn’t something more at play here. 

Secondly, I am offended that Dan would think that I said those things. And I’m shocked he would blindly believe Gail, especially after her delusions about Wayne.

Thirdly, why would I want to go to a wedding where Gail is a bridesmaid? Who is to say she doesn’t start something and cause a scene? Also, why would I want to spend thousands of dollars to travel to a wedding where I am uncomfortable? AND I’m leaving my baby? 

While Wayne is as confused as I am, he still wants to go to the wedding. He has trauma-bonded with Bonnie through work and values her as a friend. While I understand this, I can not get over this. Bonnie is trying to talk to Dan and convince him that we are good people and Gail twisted everything. Honestly, after being left in the dark for two years, I don’t want to have to convince anyone that we’re innocent in this. If anything, we should be getting an apology from all parties. 

Wayne and I are currently still waiting to hear from Bonnie about her “talk” with Dan and Gail. As of right now, 5/21, Gail is still a bridesmaid and Dan still doesn’t want us at the wedding.

Am I wrong for feeling this way? What would you do?

ETA: The term "trauma bond" is what my husband and Bonnie use all the time. That is how they described their relationship since working in the ER together. It is half said as a joke, half in truth.

Wayne also expressed that he did not want to go to the wedding if Gail was there. The main reason being that we don't want to risk there being a scene and potentially ruining Bonnie's wedding.

Bonnie has also mentioned that she is considering removing Gail from the wedding party. But she is afraid to do that because she doesn't want to "trigger" her or cause her to spiral or hurt herself. Gail has also been going through some mental health crises over the past year which contributes to Bonnie being hesitate to ask her to bow out. I am not defending Bonnie or Gail but understand Bonnie's hesitation.

ETA2: I am not currently pregnant. I had my son in January, and he would be approximately nine months old by the time the wedding took place.

UPDATE: Wayne and I sent Bonnie a message stating that if Gail was at the wedding, we would not be attending. Bonnie said, “I totally understand and I would never want you to be uncomfortable ever. I'm so sorry this is happening and I hate that I had to tell you guys. I wish I could have kept It to myself so no one else got hurt. Gail and I are up in the air right now. I don't have a single thought on our friendship. Dan is getting better slightly. He's not as angry. Or I should say his anger has shifted to Gail but he's still frustrated.”

Now we know that she would have never told us. I haven’t talked to Wayne yet to see how he feels about this.

May 24th, 2024

Thank you all for the thoughtful, and blunt responses. I tend to be a very straightforward person, so it is nice to know that random unbiased third parties on the internet also think this situation is ridiculous and childish. I am aware that this whole thing is very “high school”. I couldn’t agree more! I think that is what makes it all the more baffling. I know many of you wanted an update so here ya go:

Since I left off, Wayne and I spoke and thought it was only fair that we reach out to Gail. As many of you pointed out, we have only gotten Bonnie’s side of the story. Gail admitted to having a “crush” on Wayne, but denied everything else. As previously established, Gail is untrustworthy so I take her response with a large grain of salt.

Wayne and I screenshotted the texts and sent them to Bonnie. We made it very clear that we are not keeping anything secret and we assumed that Gail would immediately reach out to Bonnie to let her know we reached out. Bonnie was upset that we talked to Gail and “didn’t know what we hoped to gain” from that. Bonnie went on to say that her “life is exploding” and us wanting more information is valid but it’s not helping her. (Duh.) What made me laugh is that she said she “wished [she] would have had a say in how the interaction was navigated”. Like yeah, same girl. I wish we would have had the option to choose how to respond too…but I digress. 

Bonnie decided to call Wayne. I was at work, so I couldn’t be privy to the conversation. By Wayne answering the call, I am aware that it opens him up to manipulation which I did point out to him after the fact. Long story [already way too] long, Bonnie said that her and Dan are having “issues” separate from this whole ordeal so this situation is adding fuel to the fire. (I know, I know, no shit) Us reaching out to Gail, stirred up additional shit for Bonnie (Duh x2). 

Wayne told Bonnie that he knows that she has a lot going on but that doesn’t negate what she did to us. Essentially telling her that this is a result of her own actions. Bonnie asked Wayne, “Do you want to step back from our friendship?” Wayne said no. (I can feel your disgust, just keep reading)

When Wayne is relaying this to me, I am trying to remain composed and let him finish. This is basically the Cliff notes of what I told him.

• Bonnie knowingly lied to us the entire time we have known her. If she could lie for this long, what else has she lied about? 

• She knew that Gail was unstable, yet thought it was okay for us to continue to be friends and invite her into our home.

• Bonnie and Gail have no respect for me. This is clear because Gail badmouthed me the entire time and wanted to end our marriage. And Bonnie thought it was okay to let Gail continue with these delusions unchecked and continue to be around us. Not to mention that as a medical professional, and a friend, she should have encouraged her to seek help.

• Bonnie knew that Gail had lied to Dan, yet didn’t correct it or bring it to our attention. She was cool with Dan thinking I’m awful and believing a lie.

• Bonnie continued to treat Gail as a friend, and made her a bridesmaid. Further solidifying her indifference to me and my marriage to Wayne.

• Bonnie wanted to invite us to her wedding (against the Groom’s wishes) knowing full well that Gail would be there and this could pose potential problems.

• Why should we go to their wedding? A wedding is celebrating the sanctity of marriage, which Bonnie and Dan clearly don’t give a shit about. Why should we drop money on going to their wedding, to celebrate their marriage, when they clearly don’t give a shit about ours?

• How could you possibly still consider Bonnie a friend knowing all of this information?

I gave Wayne time to process all of this information. Honestly, I didn’t want a response right then and there because I want him to have confidence in his decision knowing all the possible ramifications. Wayne ended up saying that he doesn’t consider Bonnie a friend, and hesitated before because he is so sad and disappointed in Bonnie. I think he had trusted her so much and since all of this goes against her perceived character, it is a lot to process for a logical person. This whole thing is so immature and childish that you want to rationalize everything into something more complicated in hopes that all the dots will connect. Because this is so illogical, Wayne had a tough time seeing this clearly.

I told Wayne that we should tell Bonnie that things are not okay with us, but she needs to sort her shit out and decide where her priorities lie. Wayne was hesitant at first to do this because he didn’t want to trigger Bonnie and make her feel worse. I pointed out that Bonnie used that same train of thought for Gail and look where she is. While we are not telling Bonnie that we are cutting her off, we are simply pausing our argument so she can figure out her relationships. We are willing to talk to her at a later date about considering keeping her as a friend but keeping her at arms length until she can prove she is trustworthy. However, this is all dependent on the decisions she makes about Dan and Gail. We are waiting a couple days before telling Bonnie that this is our plan because we wanted to make sure our emotions were in check to be as civil as possible.

I am sure you are wondering, what about Dan? In short, meh. If he is so fragile about guns and cares so little than to just ask about something so trivial? Whatever. In the best possible outcome, we would still have little to no contact with Dan. As RuPaul says, “What other people say about me is none of my business.” (And not just because it doesn’t come to my attention until two years later…bazinga)

Wayne and I are in a good place. We talked about how he can’t please everyone and his family should come first. While we don’t want to be callous or dismissive of our friends, how events impact our family is the first priority. This is where things currently are. If you want another update, let me know.

Once again, thank you for your responses. It was incredibly validating for me.

Added Comment

After processing, he was able to come to the conclusion that Bonnie is not a friend. I won't lie and say his initial response wasn't deeply hurtful. I told him this but reiterated that he needed to sit with this information and decide how he wanted to move forward. As someone who has lost touch with "friends" that have the emotional maturity of a potato, it can be extremely sad when you accept their absence from your life.

I doubt many people will understand this reference lol But there is a scene in a Bob's Burgers episode where Linda forces Louise to have a slumber party. Hilarity ensues and Tina and Gene end up being "human shields" during a pillow fight.

Tina: "Is this your first time being used as a human shield?"

Gene: "Yeah."

Tina: "This is my third time, you're doing great."

It terms of dealing with petty, dramatic people, this isn't my first rodeo. Unfortunately, Wayne sees life through rose-colored glasses and always sees the absolute best in people. Does this make him naïve at times? Sure. Does this make him a wonderful friend and partner? Absolutely. Is it incredibly frustrating when he needs to overanalyze situations and then eventually come to the same conclusion that you, a cynic, came to hours earlier? Yup.

I am not the original poster. Please don't contact or comment on linked posts

Hi everyone,

I'm in a bit of a moral dilemma and would appreciate some outside perspectives.

I (28F) have a younger sister, Emma (26F), who recently got engaged to her fiancé, Jack (30M). Which should be fine, except Jack is my ex-boyfriend from college. We dated for about three years, and it ended amicably five years ago. We realized we wanted different things and parted ways.

Fast forward to last year, Emma and Jack reconnected at a mutual friend's party and started dating. I was shocked at first but tried to be supportive. After all, Jack and I had moved on, and Emma seemed genuinely happy.

Here's where it gets complicated: Emma recently asked if I could contribute financially to her wedding. Our parents are contributing a significant amount, but she still needs additional funds to have the wedding of her dreams. My family is aware that I've been saving for a house, and Emma is hoping I can spare some of that money.

I initially said I'd think about it, but after some reflection, I told her I couldn't help. I explained that it felt too weird and uncomfortable for me to finance a wedding where my ex is the groom. Emma was hurt and called me selfish, saying I'm prioritizing my discomfort over her happiness. My parents are dissapointed too, saying that family should support each other, and they're pressuring me to reconsider.

Jack reached out and apologized for the awkward situation but said he hopes we can all move past it for Emma's sake. I do want my sister to be happy, but I also feel like I'm being asked to ignore my feelings and boundaries for something that feels deeply personal and uncomfortable.

So, Reddit, AITA for refusing to financially support my sister's wedding because she's marrying my ex?

After a tumultuous year, my wife (32F) told me (34M) she'd like to seperate, and I agreed with her. She told me she wanted me out of her life as soon as possible so that she could move on, but we have a shared apartment so she'd like me to move out full time. For the last six months, I've been living sometimes in my office to give her and I some space. I always imagined that this would be temporary until we solved things, but now that we are no longer together, I don't feel bound to her anymore and thought that I should try and do what's best for myself. That means using the kitchen, shower, and bed in our apartment. It wasn't great having to live on takeout and sleeping on the couch here in the office for months on end. She said that this gave her a lot of anxiety and that she would contact her parents (who are leasing the apartment to her) to throw me out, and that she'd say whatever it took to get them to do that. I went immediately to her parents to seek reassurances that this wouldn't happen. I later found out that this is illegal. When I showed her the law, she said my reading comprehension sucked and that even if it was illegal she'd just get me deported since my visa application hasn't been finalized yet.

Since then, I've made arrangements to stay with my parents in the states, travel around Germany to see the friends I met here one last time, found a lawyer, tried a support group, and generally have just attempted to move on. It's been difficult though, because she keeps messaging me telling me about how she isn't feeling well, and that she secretly didn't want to divorce, but was hoping for a break so that we could see if things got better (in Germany you need to seperate for a year before begining divorce proceedings). She is also talking now about how things might be better, but that all went out the window when she found out that I told our parents. She said that it's simultaneously her right to tell her own parents, and that I shouldn't have told mine because my father is kind of a blabbermouth. I really wouldn't have said anything to her parents honestly if I wasn't so panicked about being kicked out of our apartment. She doesn't know that I told a bunch of my friends already, so I can only imagine how angry she will be when that happens.

So AITAH?

AIO I Noticed (accidently) wife had vids of her showing her ass, in leggings, jeans, and in thong, also had vids of her with her sports bra/ cleavage and 1 nude recently ..scrolled and found these were for the last 2 yrs..claims to be sexually frustrated and she claims the content was for me and that she would forget to send them to me and claims they were for no one. The "i know what it looks like" treatment...

idk how to feel....i feel sick...help..

That tooth will need to be pulled, this hundred-dollar food must be consumed, mix this joint powder with her meal because I heard her leg click, let's do an $800 ultrasound if she's not eating--vets manipulate by casting shame on you for not going into debt in your effort to care for your pet. By casting the ilusion that you're not sympathizing enough or living up to your modern sense of compassionate responsibility toward your pet, they milk you dry. Not every little thing is an emergency.

My husband (34M) and I (32F) have been married for five years. From the beginning, we agreed that we did not want to have children. We both enjoy our careers, love to travel, and relish the freedom that comes with not having kids. However, my in-laws are very traditional and believe that having children is essential for a happy marriage. Ever since we got married, they have been dropping not-so-subtle hints about grandchildren. At every family gathering, the topic somehow turns to when we’re going to “start a family.” We’ve tried to gently explain our decision, but it never seems to sink in.

Things came to a head last month at my sister-in-law's wedding. During the reception, my mother-in-law cornered me and said that I was being selfish for not giving her grandchildren. She accused me of "ruining her son's life" and said that it was my duty as a wife to bear children. I was shocked and hurt by her words, but I stood my ground and reiterated that my husband and I had made this decision together. My husband tried to talk to his parents, but they refused to listen, insisting that I was the one influencing him. They even went so far as to suggest that he should leave me if I didn't change my mind about having kids. This ongoing pressure and their blatant disregard for our wishes have strained our relationship with them. We’ve had to limit our visits and avoid certain topics just to keep the peace.

Now, some of my friends are saying that we should just give in and have a kid to make everyone happy. They argue that family is important and that this could be a compromise. But I don’t think it’s right to bring a child into the world just to please others, especially when neither of us wants to be parents.

So, am I really the AH here for standing firm on our decision and not giving in to my in-laws’ demands for grandchildren?

I just turned 14 and no longer require a babysitter to stay home with me and my little brother and sister (5/7).

I have a step sister that never once babysat us.she is 20 and off for the summer. She isn't working and her dad is paying for her to go to Europe for two weeks.

My mom and dad are making me babysit now. Which I do not have a problem with. I even took the babysitting course. But they won't pay me. They said it's my job as a big sister. My step dad even said it's how I earn my keep.

I asked why Danielle never had to babysit us? And how the littles are going to earn their keep since I know they won't be having more kids. I actually know why Danielle didn't have to babysit. They tried and she called her mom to come get her. It was a huge fight.

So I have just made sure the littles are safe and not much more. I don't help them with homework or keep them away from screens. Last weekend I let them watch infinity war with me.

I got in trouble for not being responsible and doing a bad job. I said people with jobs got paid. They said I had to do it properly or I would be in trouble. I said that they could always just pay our old babysitter and leave me out of it.

They decided to pay me but they aren't happy. My dad set up an account for me and I put my money in there.

My mom said I'm causing problems where there don't need to be any. She says her husband supports us. I said I would do it for free if she gave me all the child support my dad pays. That didn't go over well.

I don't think I'm wrong but maybe I just don't understand their view.

He is very dedicated to his job, and kind of a quiet guy. He took some sick time.

A coworker called him, to ask something that could have waited. He told BIL "you don't sound very sick to me."

BIL stated back "it's a brain tumor. How should I sound?"

Coworker could find his words for about a minute, then flooded him with apologies.

Yes, it was true. He survived.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is posting in

Ongoing as per OOP

Thanks to for finding this BORU

1 update - Medium

- 1st June 2024

- 6th June 2024

My wife wants to raise our 1 year old and our newborn as twins.

A few weeks ago, my second son was born. He was somehow born on the exact day my 1-year old was born. I thought this was just a neat coincidence, and joked about how much money we would save on birthday parties.

My wife however is taking it a lot more seriously. She’s set on the idea of raising our two boys as twins. She’s always wanted twins and she said the fact that they were born on the same day is a sign from God.

She says if they were raised as the same age they would be able to go to school together, having each others backs and believes that they would be closer as twins rather than siblings.

I told her I’d rather not psychologically torture my son for the rest of his life, but she’s adamant that we will tell him when he grows up and it’s only so he can be closer to his brother now.

I also brought up that they clearly do not look the same age, and she says by the time they’re 1 and 2, no one will be able to tell the difference.

Does she have any sort of point?

Comments

haralambus98

Sorry but this is ridiculous. Why set yourself up to constantly lie to your kids? One will think he is much more advanced and the other more behind than the other and end up resenting each other and you. Don’t underestimate the importance of honesty has on child development and security.

And another thing…. No one else will keep this lie up. Family and friends will point out the inaccuracy and cause further resentment.

OOP: Brought up this point with her. Her entire family’s on her side, this is what they’ve all been praying for apparently. I don’t know what to do.

milkandsalsa

The difference between a one and a two year old is astronomical. Has your wife met small children before?

jaiheko

And people get mad/wonder why children's ages are referred to by month until they turn 2. The milestones are set for a reason.

Primary_Valuable5607

As the mother of twins, your wife needs meds. The developmental rate for children this young is going to blow her twin fantasy to smithereens, unless she purposely plans to stunt the older kid's developmental progress... I think you need to get your wife some therapy, so she can get over this unrealistic fantasy she has, because she is going to damage your kids.

Lara1327

Hijacking top comment because I was born only 54 weeks after my sister and everyone thought we were twins and I was the slow twin. My parents didn’t do this to me but didn’t correct people either and it seriously messed with my confidence. Don’t let you wife do this to your child.

Update - 5 days later

The kids are safe and are with me. My wife for the time being has gone to her family house. A lot has happened in the past few days that has me questioning my entire relationship with her.

Firstly I want to make some things clear from my previous post.

She planned for my 1-year-old to delay joining kindergarten by a year. So there wouldn’t be a “behind” child, but rather one who’s at an average level and one who’s slightly advanced for his age.

People have pointed out that for this to work, all of our friends and family would have to be in on it. Her family completely supports her, and also believes this to be a gift from God.

My family on the other hand live states away. We’ve just recently moved here so the only friends we know are my wife’s childhood friends from when she used to live here.

My wife has had episodes before. When we had my first son, there would be days when I’d come back home from work with the baby crying in hunger bc my wife couldn’t get out of bed. We’ve been to therapy and even moved closer to her family so she could have some support.

But this goes beyond any previous episodes.

I told her that I wouldn’t put up with it. This only works if everyone is on it, and I made it clear I’d never be in on it. She can dress them up in matching outfits, and even call them Irish twins, but if she ever implies it’s anything more than that I’d shut it down.

This did not go over well. She yelled at me for denying her of her God-given blessing. That she would divorce me and raise the kids on her own if she had to.

That scared me, and I told her she had to leave. Now. She wanted to take the kids with her but I refused. I might’ve overreacted but I was thinking about the safety of the kids first and foremost.

That was last night. I’ve been taking care of the kids and have been contemplating what to do next.

I understand my wife isn’t in the proper mental state currently. I’ve brought up going to the doctors and therapy multiple times. But how do you convince someone that they need help when their entire family and friends support their delusions?

I can’t keep the kids away from her forever. Her family and friends are blowing up my phone. Where do I go from here?

TLDR: My wife is insistent on raising them as twins. Her friends and family are all willing to support her, and she’s threatened to divorce me to raise the kids this way.

Comments

FrannyKay1082

Call an attorney pronto. I would also call a psychologist if you can and try to get help for yourself in how to navigate her delusions and also get records going for yourself, that this is going on and you are seeking help.

But definitely call the attorney. Also, look up recording permission in your state and try to get her on tape because this is something that when you tell them is hard to believe. You know what I mean, if you told me this, I would think no way. Or even get her going on text. She knows that's documentation, and you don't have to tell her she's being recorded. Text and voicemail are two places you don't have to tell them. Some states you don't when recording. Protect those children.

AloneAlternative2693

Inform the midwife/ Gynaecologist/ medical professional who was involved in the birth of the baby. If this is some sort of post partum depression or psychosis, they can asses that and get her more help.

Agitated-Ad3471

Hey, im a psych nurse practitioner. I commented on your last post too. I dont know the full story of course but from what im hearing this is postpartum psychosis with religious preoccupation. You need to go to the magistrates office and tell her she is a harm to others (the kids) they will get a TDO (temporary hold order) and she will be admitted to a psych ward for 72hrs (might be slightly different for where you live) this is your best bet on getting her quick stabilized treatment and then further follow up outpatient

Expression-Little

Is this a cult? If all these people are on the wife's side, even though this is nuts, there's got to be something going on in the background.

OOP: This is a genuine question but what are some warning signs of a cult? I was never religious and my wife always said she was raised religiously but never practiced after she left home. I assumed she had some sort of traumatic experience with religion and that’s why she never brings it up. This was up until the birth of my son, who she fully believed would be twins until the ultrasound. She suddenly became super religious and got back into contact with her family and old friends, even getting us to move states to be with them. She’s always mentioned that her mother wanted her to have twins, which at the time didn’t sound as weird as it does now.

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

Me (28M) and my girlfriend (27F) were on a 7 hour flight and an old (about 80 or so) lady sat in the aisle seat in our row. The lady was travelling alone likely from Sri Lanka and didn’t speak a word of English. It was clear that she was a bit confused as it seemed to be one of her first flights. My girlfriend sat next to her and I sat in the window seat.

• From the first moment to the end of the flight my gf constantly complained about a smell coming from the lady. My gf would even make faces and sounds here and there. Yes, there was a smell that came in waves but it was likely because of the bathroom behind us.

• Then my girlfriend complained about the lady’s bag touching her only so slightly and constantly said “she should know to not have her bag there. Why doesn’t she know to put it under the seat, everyone should”

• I offered several times to switch seats with my gf and she said “no, it’s fine”

• Then, the lady got my gf’s attention to try to communicate with her and my gf was so dismissive basically saying loudly “I don’t understand you” and looking at the lady for only a second before going back on her phone. It was extremely rude. I tried to single to the lady that we couldn’t understand her language and she should speak English/french to us or to the flight staff

• Theen, the lady wanted help opening up her seat’s tray so she tapped my gf’s shoulder. My gf leaned away slightly and looked at me saying “She touched me. Why is she touching me”. I looked at the lady and helped her with her tray.

• Later on, the lady tapped my gf’s shoulder again so she can get help opening up her water bottle. My gf basically threw a tantrum and cried saying “she touched me again. I can’t do this. This is a horror flight. I am not a nurse”. Granted, my gf was trying to sleep at the time and had her eyes closed but I thought it’s such a child-like reaction from a grown person

I get that the lady is annoying. But she is elderly, travelling alone and has a different background than us so I gave her the benefit of the doubt. I was visibly annoyed during the flight and spent most of it watching the lady to make sure I step-in and help her before she asks my gf for help (who didn’t help the lady once)

I was quiet for a few days after that and the topic came up. I told my gf that i wasn’t mad at all but it was the saddest and most I’ve been turned off by her. For context, I grew up in a small, poor African town and that lady reminded me of my grandmothers and great aunts so I took the entire thing personally.

After a back and forth, out of frustration I also called my gf an entitled white woman (ie a Karen) and said that if the lady was white, she would’ve helped her out and thought the whole thing was cute. This obviously wasn’t received well but I know it to be true given other comments she made in other contexts. She also thinks of herself as a progressive - so although it was harsh of me to say so, she needs to see it from my perspective. She was upset and said that I am insensitive and that the lady was being objectively annoying and invading her space. She also said that no one should call their partner a Karen as it’s a sexist and racist term. Anyway, we haven’t talked since and I don’t intend to apologize or yield on that comment….

TLDR: I called my gf a Karen for being rude and dismissive to a minority elderly woman and she’s upset at me for that.

AITA? My brother, Spencer (38) bought an expensive Father’s Day gift, gave it to him, and told my Dad it was from all of his kids. The problem is, he didn’t ask any of us before giving it to my dad. If split evenly between the four of us, this gift is still 3-4x what I would normally spend on a Father’s Day gift. He said he wanted to say it was from all of us because he didn’t think our Dad would accept such an expensive gift from only him.

So I’m a little annoyed, but Spencer never asked any of us to actually chip in. I know that he has been having a rough time with my Dad, and I figure he’s trying to improve that with a big (thoughtful but way too expensive) gift. I talked about it with my husband and we agreed to kind of ignore it. It’s fine if Spencer wants to say it’s from the group or not, but since we didn’t have any forewarning, we don’t feel obligated to go in on this gift.

My sister, Ann, (34) had a different reaction. She feels that he made her complicit in a lie, and that she doesn’t feel safe being around him while he’s acting impulsive and possibly manic. Ann told Spencer he needs to talk to his therapist and psychiatrist, tell our Dad he lied, and told him that he was not welcome to be around her family or to meet her baby (who is due to be born soon) until he can manage his impulsiveness and outbursts.

Spencer apologized to Ann, and said that he would do what she asked, but that he didn’t feel safe communicating with her anymore and that she can see his kids through his ex wife if Ann would like. Then he left our sibling group chat and also separately apologized to my other sibling and I for being impulsive and inconsiderate.

I’m so frustrated and sad. I loved that my siblings and I were all talking again. It was a nice couple years.

Ann said she is disappointed in Spencer’s response and said she didn’t intend for him to go no contact, but she was fine if he did. I told her that I loved her, but I interpreted the same “you’re cut off. Stay away from me” message that Spencer did. I basically told her that she’s in the wrong and the ball is in her court. I might be a little biased towards Spencer because he is was much nicer to me than Ann was growing up. AITA?

Edits:

the actual numbers- I’m a cheapskate and aim to spend for $25-$35 for a family gift like that. Spencer spent $400 for a second-hand grill that retails new for $1000.

Spencer had a manic episode a year and a half ago that was caused by thyroid problems. He was not diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

I’m 30, if it’s relevant to you.

We've been together for 3 years and our plan was to move in together when she finished school this year. We have a routine that after I finish work we'll grab some food and go to a spot in the woods that overlooks a river where we talk about our day and eat our food. We do this about twice a week. It's about a 20 minute drive from her place and about a 2 hour walk through the woods.

We were talking last week and she started crying out of nowhere telling me how much she loved me. I went to hug her and she pushed me way and told me that she's been cheating. It was with a guy in her class that's also part of her friend group and they routinely go out together. I never join them as drinking/clubbing isn't my scene but I've met them all a few times. The guy has always been a bit of a twat and has tried to start a fight with me once when I picked her up and they were drunk so it all makes sense.

She said it had happened multiple times, it was a drunk mistake, she didn't mean it etc. She went through all the tropes and honestly I sort of zoned out as I instantly lost all respect and love her. I don't know how long she talked for, maybe 10 minutes and she grabbed my hands a few times.

I just had enough, told her we were over and went to leave. She went to grab the door and I told her not to touch my car. Told her there was plenty of signal, she'd been charging her phone in the car and that she could call her new boyfriend to pick her up. She cried even more but I just didn't care.

I drove home, blocked her on everything and just been dealing with everything my way. A few of her friends texted me with some insults and such, one said I should be ashamed as it took her 3 hours to walk home and it wasn't safe. It was a warm evening, the sun doesn't set until 10pm and I left when it was around 6pm. She could have called someone to pick her up.

Why is it my responsibility to help someone who broke my trust?