Q&As

Sorry this isn't incel rage bait. I am not trying to get her to agree to free use or a bang maid or anything like that.

My girlfriend and I were having a discussion about our future. She used the phrase "what do you bring to the table".

I said that my job made our lifestyle possible. That I did my share of the household chores and that I always treated her with respect.

She said that was the bare minimum. She said that she also contributes to our budget. She does. About 10% of our budget is from her. She is in school so she doesn't work much. I didn't care I thought the plan was for her to contribute more once she got a job after she graduated.

Apparently that is not the plan. She wants to be a stay at home mom. To our dogs because we are child free.

So I said that if all she brings to the table is sex then I would expect it all the time. AS A JOKE.

She didn't take it that way. She said that I earn enough for both of us and that she would be doing lots of other stuff for us. That thinking of her as just for sex was demeaning. I asked for examples but she couldn't give any except her half of the chores.

So she would want me to work, support her, and do half the housework in return for what exactly? Watching my dogs?

I said that wasn't going to happen. She could either contribute fairly or we were not going to work because I do not want a bang maid.

I also want to save money. Right now I'm subsidizing her life. So I'm not putting as much into my retirement as I would like.

She said she wasn't serious about staying home but she is angry with me for what I said. I was just trying to make light of what I thought was a ridiculous idea.

Hi. Thanks to everyone who took the time to comment on my post and gave their opinion/advice without being too harsh. I apologize if my update is messy or confusing. I'll try to cover everything but I don't know when to add context for clarification. If you think there's any missing info/some parts are confusing let me know.

The same day I posted my dad called to check up on me and see if my sister and I had talked things out. When I told him no he said it's better if we talk about it now and assured me that I have nothing to apologize for. If my sister thinks she has nothing to apologize for then the least she can do is make her best friend apologize or fully realize that the joke was out of line. By the way my brother and I met 4 days ago and he told me that BIL (my sister's husband) didn't like the way the MOH called me a screw-up in front of everyone and some of those who laughed voiced later that they did so out of nervousness.

On Monday my sister called me to talk. When I made it to her place, her best friend was on the phone and didn't put it down for a second. My sister started by saying that just a few years ago I would have laughed hard and not taken the joke as an insult. I told her maybe some laughed because they don't know the reason she called me a screw-up.

(For context. When I was 16 something happened and that's why I struggled mentally really badly between 16-18. When I was 17 I was diagnosed with PTSD and later with depression and anxiety. Since then I don't like it when someone touches my head. Especially my hair and the back of my head/neck. My sister knows everything)

During our conversation my sister did most of the talking. At some point I felt like my sister had called me just to blame me again without trying to understand my perspective. When I tried to talk she put her hand on the back of my neck and pulled me toward her with each sentence as if to say "Do you understand?" or "Okay?" I hated it and felt irritated. I honestly kept thinking if I pushes her away would I be in the wrong. Would they just call me mental and tell family I got physical. I tried to leave but she insisted that no one was leaving until we sort this out. She told her best friend to just apologize. She refused and reminded my sister that I was the reason her husband got angry at her on their wedding day because I couldn't take a joke and when I tried to explain why (EDIT: I told her if she had focused her speech on the bride/groom then maybe he wouldn't have had a reason to be angry. she refused to listen and brushed my words off) she said "Yeah whatever. Sorry" I was glad it was finally over and as I was about to leave I heard her say "Can't take a joke that everyone knows is true" Both of them laughed but my sister stopped mid-laugh and apologized. I didn't say anything and left.

I think I've had enough. I mean I know I've had a few rough years. I dropped out of college for a while, fine. But I've since gotten my life back on track. My parents helped me through it all and never made me feel like a burden. At first, I was on some strong meds that made me feel tired/sleepy most of the time. After a while I started to feel a little better with therapy and my family's support. During that period it was me, my parents and my brother. My sister was three hours away for a job and used to visit sometimes and would often bring her best friend along with her. Looking back. I don't want to say she hates me but I know she felt ashamed to have a family member struggling with mental health issues. I don't know how to explain this.

I've made up my mind and decided to go NC for now. If my parents and my brother who were there when I was going through it all never made me feel that they're ashamed of me then why would she? I'm still on some meds but feels much better than before. I have a stable job, my own place and friends who loves me for who I am. I can say I'm proud of myself a little. I love my family to death and tried to maintain a relationship with my sister all these years but I'm trying to improve myself not constantly be reminded of what I was a few years ago.

I don’t know what is wrong with my brother Glenn (40s). He goes off on random tangents and is just an angry control freak. He has two ex-wives and 3 children we hardly see.

My family rented a cabin on the lake for a vacation. We met about Airbnb host rules, and Glenn went off on flushing tampons and pads down the toilet. As most menstruating women are taught right away, don’t do this. It’s common knowledge I taught my daughter Emma (13) this. Emma asks her what is wrong with him while he is going off about the flushing of products for more than 5 minutes, and Glenn says all women don’t know this. My daughter tells her uncle she’s been having periods since she was 11, and they teach young girls this in school and tell him to hush with his nonsense and find something else to be angry about.

My brother Glenn turned on my daughter and told her not to be disrespectful to him, and he informed us about how it can destroy the plumbing. My daughter called Glenn a weirdo and told him he doesn’t need to educate any woman on anything and to “stay in his lane.”

This pissed off my mom (Emma’s grandma) about respecting adults, and Emma said respect is earned and walked away from the fight. My daughter is right, and I’m not punishing her or taking away the electronics that she brought. Glenn told me I shouldn’t allow my kids on TikTok, this where she learned this disrespectful behavior. I asked Glenn where his children were and why they aren't on vacation with us. Glenn got angry and left the vacation. He is demanding a refund from everyone because he won’t be disrespected by a teenager. My mom is furious at both me and my daughter for starting it, but Glenn can learn to keep his opinions to himself, and if he cannot handle someone telling him when he’s wrong and running off, that’s on him. My husband and my other SIL (my other brother’s wife) offered to pay out Glenn’s loss on vacation, and my mom is the only one upset that Glenn left.

I’m 27F. I’m a very short woman, 4’9 and under 100lbs. I don’t want to complain about being small, but there are a lot of people out there (esp. other women) who will not take us seriously, are judgmental, make snide comments, assume attraction to us is nefarious, etc. A lot of comments that imply we’re not real women etc.

I’m used to it and usually let it roll off my back. But there’s a new one that’s picked up momentum that I guess stems from a TV show where a girl is putting on a childish act and she says “I’m a very sexy baby” in a cutesy voice and there’s a LOT more to it that you can just Google.

My SIL Cassie has picked this up and has been using this “against me.” I can’t wear a cute outfit without her coming down on me and chiding me for “buying into the whole sexy baby thing” when I am JUST WEARING AN OUTFIT. I’m just trying to be ME. God forbid I wear a shorter skirt or bows or anything I think is cute.

It’s like I’m not allowed to wear cute or sexy things because I’m petite so I’m automatically seen as trying to be a “sexy baby” when I’m not. I’ve asked Cassie to stop or drop it and she maintains that I’m the one opening myself up to judgment and I should dress my age.

This came to a head last weekend when we were in my auntie’s backyard at the pool. I took off my wrap so I could hang with my feet in the pool with my cousins and Cassie immediately said “You’re a very sexy baby” at me and twirled imaginary pigtails.

I raised my voice and said “That’s a really weird thing to keep saying. What is your problem with me? Why do you keep bringing up that I’m small?”

She started to turn red and she yelled back again that I’m the one that’s choosing to walk around looking like the “sexy baby.”

I said that I’m literally just wearing a bathing suit (a one piece halter) and asked her what I should be wearing instead if that’s such a problem.

She yelled back that I should “dress like a grown adult” and to stop trying to cause a scene in front of everyone. I said whatever and just tried to ignore her.

Later on we ended up inside at the same time and she came down on me for calling her out in front of everyone. I told her to stop trying to make me feel bad for being small, that I didn’t choose this body. She rolled her eyes and told me to grow the fuck up, and that “trying to start shit” with her is even more proof.

I am at a loss here and I’m starting to just not want to be around my family because of her. It’s not enough that I get this shit from women at work, at the gym, basically anywhere, now it’s in my family. AITA for calling her out? Or even for just… idk, existing in my own body?

Edit Hey I'm adding this in bc I can't respond to every comment, but it's my brother's wife, he doesn't care. Weve never been close/gotten along. He'll always take her side. Other people in my family are very hands off/handle your business yourself. Just the way they are.

Also Cassie isn't fat, she's just average height.

I have been playing with yo-yos my whole life. Since I was five probably. My uncle taught me how to use one. I have used them in talent shows. I have even been on TV news and on a show demonstrating tricks. I even worked for a company that makes them on a demo team. I know I know. Women want me and men want to be me.

My brother cannot use one to save his life. He just can't understand the hand movements. That's fine he has many good qualities.

Unfortunately forethought is not one of them. I have boxes of starter yo-yos. They are lightweight and easy to learn with. I also have a bunch of balls that have a self retracting mechanism inside so you can get used to the feel.

I was showing off for the kids last weekend at a family birthday party. Everyone wanted one. I went to my garage and got a box of the freebies.

My nephew kept looking at my Maplewood yoyo. He wanted that one. I said no. He went crying to his dad who went to our mom. She came stomping over with my idiot brother. She said that I had hundreds of yo-yos and that I could give one to my nephew.

I said it was a bad idea. I explained that my yo-yos are set up for professional use. Ladies please keep your panties and DMs to yourselves.

She insisted and my brother started insulting me for playing with toys at my age. So I took my nephew and I gave him a ball and a starter yo-yo. I told him to start with the ball until he got the feel for it. Then the light plastic one. I told him only to use the fancy one after he was sure of himself.

Ten minutes. Ten fucking minutes later my SIL is bringing him to the bathroom because he got himself in the mouth. I couldn't help but laugh.

My brother is pissed because his wife is mad that he got his son a "wooden morningstar". This is not accurate. The yo-yo was inspired.

My mother appears to have forgotten her part in this play because she is mad at me.

My brother told me that I had to pay the dentist bill to get the rest of the baby tooth out. I told him to eat a dick.

Edit: for everyone asking why don't I give them their inheritance now? The answer is I am not dead. I can't sell our home and give them that money since I need to live in it. I can't drain my retirement fund since I need it to retire.

I have three kids, they all decided to go to expensive colleges. I paid for their books, and gave them money for food plan but tuition was on them. They knew from the beginning that college would be on them.

My youngest took some community college classes that to save money. The rest of the kids didn't do much to lower their expensives. They are all out of college and a whole bunch of debt.

My mother passed away and she gave me the house. I am selling it for around 500k. I plan use some of it for a big vacation and then the rest to go into my retirement fund.

I decided to let the kids have a look at the home first before it went on the market. It's a really nice area and the house is great. They were suprised by the amount and all of them couldn't afford it. I told them I plan to sell it soon.

This started argument about how I came into so much money put don't plan to give them any of it. I told them it is my inheritance from my mother. She wanted me to have this.

Argument escalated even more and they want me to pay of their school debt. If I did that I it would take 3/4 of my inheritance. So I told them no. I reminded them that when I die they will have their own inheritance from me but I am not dead yet.

They at pissed at me

I (25M) need some advice. My ex-girlfriend, Emma (23F), and I were together for two years. We broke up four months ago because we wanted different things. The breakup was friendly, and we said we’d stay friends.

Two weeks ago, Emma called me out of the blue, very upset. She told me she’s pregnant and that the baby is mine. She wants us to get back together and raise the baby as a family. I was really surprised because we haven’t been together or slept together since we broke up. She said the timing lines up perfectly.

I asked her how far along she is, and she said three months, which matches when we broke up. But we always used protection, so I found it hard to believe. I told her I’d be there for the baby if it’s mine, but I needed a DNA test to make sure. I didn’t want to end up in a situation that isn’t true.

Emma got really mad, saying I should trust her and that I’m being insensitive. She cried and said I don’t love her or our baby. She said she couldn’t believe I’d doubt her like this. I tried to explain that it’s not about trust, but about being sure of something that will change my life. I said I’d support her emotionally but wouldn’t commit to anything financially or get back together until we had a test done.

She hung up on me, and now she’s telling our friends and her family that I’m refusing to help her. I’m getting messages from people, saying I’m abandoning her and the baby. Some friends understand my side, but others think I’m being too harsh and paranoid.

Am I the asshole for wanting a DNA test before committing to anything?

my mom and I are not on talking/seeing terms . she couldn’t respect mine or my wife’s boundaries and rules we set for our kids, and when we talked to her about it she lost her mind and called my wife and I every name in the book telling us” I can and will do what I want I’m the grandma” told me when my wife decided to leave my dumb ass I will be all alone. even calling my adopted daughter (my wife’s first child) “a retarded inbred hillbilly”. So I cut her out of my life.

So to get back at me she turned my oldest son (14) from a different relationship against me. We live in a different state than my son he comes to my state to visit for the summer and usually some time with my mom while I’m at work. she told him he wasn’t going to see her this summer and gave him this nice long story how she did nothing wrong and my wife and I are being ass holes. So he called me a few days after the fight and said he was not coming down if he couldn’t see his grandma. That hurt but he is also 14 so I’m letting him make his own decision I figured when it got close to summer he would change his mind.

Well just the other day he called me (when he found out we were going to a theme park) and said he was in my state for the summer but spending it with my mom . And wanted to go the theme park with me. I told him it was too late I already had the tickets. He seemed to understand that but then he said “well if you want to see me you have to come to grandmas” I told him that I love him and what he did hurt me and being here for nearly a month without me knowing hurt but he made his decision and I will not be seeing him this summer.

I feel like the only reason he called was because he found out I was doing something fun (like I do every summer with him.) I feel like the biggest dick being this way. So AITAH?

My biological mother had me (19m) when she was 18. She ended up leaving me with my grandparents, who I consider my parents. I saw her a few times in the 10 years after but then she moved out of state and didn't come back for visits. I believe a fight over me is why she didn't return for visits because the last time she was visiting I was trying to engage with her and she ignored me. My parents told her she couldn't come to visit and act like I wasn't there; because I was and if she couldn't behave appropriately to a young child she had no business staying with us.

She moved back to the state 3 years ago. This time married with kids. She was very different after this and attempted to mother me after all that time and I shut it down with help from my parents. This pissed my biological mother off. She expected to be able to dictate to me like she was my parent and not a person who abandoned me and ignored me for years. The relationships did not go back to normal. My parents refused to let my biological mother back into our home. My biological mother said they had other grandkids and I had siblings who should be in our lives. They said it would be lovely if it were possible but they knew she would not be healthy for me and they refused to make our home uncomfortable for me when I had nobody else.

There were some attempts at making me get to know her kids (2 at the time) but I told my grandparents I wasn't interested and they respected that and stood up for my right to say no.

Now I'm an adult and my biological mother is pushing harder for this. She went as far as asking me to babysit once a week so I can get to know the kids and I won't have to deal with her if I'm so against her. I said no. She showed up where I work to bring this up to me in person and didn't respect my answer and my boss needed to ask her to leave. I'm lucky I have an amazing boss or she would have gotten me fired.

She sent a letter to our house saying I should be ashamed of refusing to spend time with the kids and I'd be paid for the babysitting and I am rejecting an amazing opportunity and have hurt her kids with my refusal.

AITA?

I was placed for adoption at birth. My older (bio) sister was placed when she was 5 months old. We're three years apart in age and we were adopted by the same parents and raised in the same family. I also have other siblings I grew up with who have no bio connection to me. My sister tried to rope me into a birth family search but I told her I didn't want to find them and offered her my support from the outside but that was as much as I was willing to give.

She found them 5 years ago and has been in regular contact with them since. Our family supported this and my parents have met my birth parents in an effort to support my sister but I still choose not to meet them or have them in my life.

My sister has passed letters to me from them and has been trying for years to get me to agree to meet with them and build a relationship. They keep saying how much it hurts them that I want nothing to do with them. She passes this onto me and tells me how much it hurts her that I won't be a part of this with her because our connection as blood related siblings is huge and now we have more blood related family (her way of putting it). I told her there is no part of me that wants to meet them and nothing I want from them. She told me she knows I have to want answers and I said no, I already know the answers, they were young when they had us and didn't want to be parents at that time. She asked how I knew that and I told her I did listen to her after she met them for the first time.

It's been so messy. I get letters from them about once a month and I try giving them back to no avail so I dispose of them and have never read them. I'm not interested. I can't be more clear than that.

Now I'm getting married and my sister fought for them to be invited. She offered to pay for them to come and told me she would cover all the costs associated with their place on the guest list and I still said no. She called me crying after she had been at their house because they were so upset to be missing it. She said "our bio dad wants to walk you down the aisle" and I told her that's not going to happening and that them being upset wasn't a strong motivator for me. I also warned her that the place we're getting married at has security and we already added them to our package (my fiancé has a couple of family members we need to have monitored in case they get too drunk) and I can easily pass on info about our birth family to keep them out if she tries sneaking them in.

My sister said I'm being unreasonable. My parents assured me they support me either way but want me to know I don't need to take my stance for their sakes (we had this discussion before too) and they'd be fine with them coming. My sister said if mom and dad don't care I should want my whole family at my wedding and I told her they will be. I don't consider our birth family my family for real. Her reaction was even stronger when the invites were sent out and our birth family didn't get any.

AITA?

Hi everyone,

I'm in a bit of a moral dilemma and would appreciate some outside perspectives.

I (28F) have a younger sister, Emma (26F), who recently got engaged to her fiancé, Jack (30M). Which should be fine, except Jack is my ex-boyfriend from college. We dated for about three years, and it ended amicably five years ago. We realized we wanted different things and parted ways.

Fast forward to last year, Emma and Jack reconnected at a mutual friend's party and started dating. I was shocked at first but tried to be supportive. After all, Jack and I had moved on, and Emma seemed genuinely happy.

Here's where it gets complicated: Emma recently asked if I could contribute financially to her wedding. Our parents are contributing a significant amount, but she still needs additional funds to have the wedding of her dreams. My family is aware that I've been saving for a house, and Emma is hoping I can spare some of that money.

I initially said I'd think about it, but after some reflection, I told her I couldn't help. I explained that it felt too weird and uncomfortable for me to finance a wedding where my ex is the groom. Emma was hurt and called me selfish, saying I'm prioritizing my discomfort over her happiness. My parents are dissapointed too, saying that family should support each other, and they're pressuring me to reconsider.

Jack reached out and apologized for the awkward situation but said he hopes we can all move past it for Emma's sake. I do want my sister to be happy, but I also feel like I'm being asked to ignore my feelings and boundaries for something that feels deeply personal and uncomfortable.

So, Reddit, AITA for refusing to financially support my sister's wedding because she's marrying my ex?

After a tumultuous year, my wife (32F) told me (34M) she'd like to seperate, and I agreed with her. She told me she wanted me out of her life as soon as possible so that she could move on, but we have a shared apartment so she'd like me to move out full time. For the last six months, I've been living sometimes in my office to give her and I some space. I always imagined that this would be temporary until we solved things, but now that we are no longer together, I don't feel bound to her anymore and thought that I should try and do what's best for myself. That means using the kitchen, shower, and bed in our apartment. It wasn't great having to live on takeout and sleeping on the couch here in the office for months on end. She said that this gave her a lot of anxiety and that she would contact her parents (who are leasing the apartment to her) to throw me out, and that she'd say whatever it took to get them to do that. I went immediately to her parents to seek reassurances that this wouldn't happen. I later found out that this is illegal. When I showed her the law, she said my reading comprehension sucked and that even if it was illegal she'd just get me deported since my visa application hasn't been finalized yet.

Since then, I've made arrangements to stay with my parents in the states, travel around Germany to see the friends I met here one last time, found a lawyer, tried a support group, and generally have just attempted to move on. It's been difficult though, because she keeps messaging me telling me about how she isn't feeling well, and that she secretly didn't want to divorce, but was hoping for a break so that we could see if things got better (in Germany you need to seperate for a year before begining divorce proceedings). She is also talking now about how things might be better, but that all went out the window when she found out that I told our parents. She said that it's simultaneously her right to tell her own parents, and that I shouldn't have told mine because my father is kind of a blabbermouth. I really wouldn't have said anything to her parents honestly if I wasn't so panicked about being kicked out of our apartment. She doesn't know that I told a bunch of my friends already, so I can only imagine how angry she will be when that happens.

So AITAH?

The first time I was in my garage with the garage door shutting, and the second time I had gotten out of my vehicle and was entering the garage again. If they want to stop me, why are they waiting until I’ve exited the vehicle? It feels wrong. I basically just want to know if this is actually legal.

To be clear, both times they have followed me to my house and then parked behind me as I got out. Then they waited to light me up until I was in my garage and the garage door was closing(first time) and once I had walk up to the garage door and opened it.

If they intended to stop me, why wait so long to light me up.

Small town cops, fwiw. Texas. That probably explains everything but just wanted some advice from you guys.

Edit to add reasons for the stops- first time, +2 over the limit in a school zone supposedly. Second time, a tail light out.

AIO I Noticed (accidently) wife had vids of her showing her ass, in leggings, jeans, and in thong, also had vids of her with her sports bra/ cleavage and 1 nude recently ..scrolled and found these were for the last 2 yrs..claims to be sexually frustrated and she claims the content was for me and that she would forget to send them to me and claims they were for no one. The "i know what it looks like" treatment...

idk how to feel....i feel sick...help..