Stories & Confessions

I gave birth to my daughter, Ember, 4 months ago. My husband and I both loved her name and that's how it was chosen. We announced the day she was born and nobody said anything negative or gave a reason for us not to use it then. I say this because three days ago my SIL, who is married to my brother, sat me down and asked me to change the name because it's the name of her stillborn daughter she had with her ex-husband 7 years ago. She told me she tried to keep it quiet but she couldn't let me keep calling my daughter Ember because it's such a painful reminder for her. She told me she really feels like we should change her name.

I gently told SIL that my daughter was 4 months old and her name is on the birth certificate and it would cost us to change it, so we will not. She told me she tried so hard not to say anything and the fact she did eventually break and bring this up should show how hard this is for her and make me more willing to change the name for her sake.

I told my husband about it afterward and he felt the same way I did. He told me it seemed like a weak excuse to wait four, almost five months, to tell us, when she had the chance long before this. My brother found out about the conversation with his wife and he reached out and told me she mentioned it to him two months ago and that she was battling with asking us to change the name since, but he understands why I said no and supports the decision.

Yesterday she reached out to me again and asked me if we had decided on a new name yet and I told her my answer is still no and she asked why and I told her she waited four months to tell us. She became very angry very quickly and told me if she had lost my niece my response would be different and I should see this as her losing my niece because she would have been if she were alive. She also told me my daughter is going to grow up always hearing about the cousin I gave her the same name as and that I should reconsider before burdening my daughter with that. She told me a good person with good morals would.

I should also mention; I knew she had suffered a pregnancy loss but it was implied she had a miscarriage far earlier and not a stillborn child. I never knew the name or sex. And I never ever heard her use a name for her daughter.

AITA?

My sister and her husband are coming into town for a week and I was going to take them to dinner at a relatively nice local restaurant.My sister is fancy and travels all over the world and likes fancy places. I asked if she had someone to watch her 1-year old baby or if she needed me to get someone. She said something along the lines of: "This baby has already been to more Michelin star restaurants than most people will in their entire life." I feel like it is maybe rude to take a baby to a nice place because they might make noises or smells that would make other people uncomfortable on a special night out. I have no idea how this baby will do, it might be fine but I don't want to take the chance that it could spoil the evening for other people. Am I being a jerk for asking that she doesn't bring the kid? It just seems like very entitled behavior.

Edit: to clarify, this is one of the nicest places in town It is not a place that has high chairs. Further edit the person who I would ask to watch the kid is a practicing pediatrician and friend of mine that my sister has met on a few occasions. My sister is also from here and has friends here that she could ask. The child would not be left with a random stranger. It's crazy to me that people are assuming that. I am fine with going to a family-friendly place and would prefer that if we are bringing the kid.

I am not OP. That is who posted to AITAH

TW: death of a loved one

May 24th, 2024

There's too much to say, But I'll try to make it short. I'm using the Google traductor for most of the things, sorry

In short: I(34f) have been dating Leon (42m) for two years.

My uncle became friends with Leon when they started working together and he started coming to family gatherings and birthdays. Leon is a great guy and we get along instantly, my family always talked to me about Leon saying he's a great guy. One day Leon asked me out on a date and I said yes, we started dating.

Leon has two children (14m and 12m), his wife died in an accident nine years ago.

Here comes the problem: Leon always talks about his wife. I know it sounds ugly to complain about it but I don't say it with jealously, I mean it uncomfortably. He mentions her in intimate moments of our time, such as when we finish having intimacy or when we're having a date, sometimes he just starts telling me random anecdotes about his wife and I just stay there feeling like if I'm sleeping with a married man and I'm the side piece. I don't ask for much, just to have a date where it's just me and him, a date where I don't feel like someone's lover with a man who talks about the things WE like. He goes to the psychologist so according to him he's working better on his grief but I doubt it very much. I'm not the first girlfriend he had after his wife passed away.

He still has contact with his wife's family (which is obvious, they are the grandparents of his children) and I have met them in person only one time because all they did was tell me how much Leon and his wife loved each other and treat me really bad, I remember that they put a video with photos of Leon and his wife when they married while I was like this🧍because they didn't even gave me a chair to sit. I think in their minds is cute to me to see my boyfriend with his wife? Idk, it's not cute, it's weird.

He always says in front of me that she was the love of his life, I find it cute but when I think about the future I'm just like "I really want to get old with a man who is making it clear that he will never love me? Is that the kind of love I want? I want to be the only one for my future husband". One time I took him to my favorite place and he just said "it's beautiful, I wish wife's name was here so we could show her this. You two would have been good friends." it's like being a third wheel in my own relationship. I can tell a lot of situations like these, A LOT. We talked about this, most of the times he just says that he does that without thinking but then he seems to forget about it and goes back to his usual behavior and I'm tired.

The only one time I talked about this with my family I was only told that a real woman wouldn't be jealous of a dead woman (I'm not jealous, I'm uncomfortable) and would be happy to be with a man who has loved another woman like that and expect him to love me almost the same. That I shouldn't expect him to love me in the same way since all love is different and that I should just be empathetic and supportive of him. I listened to them but nothing got better. I've been feeling so much pressure to go through with this that I can't take it anymore.

Anyways, I stopped listening to my family and finally talked with my friend who's a psychologist and told me that his behavior is not healthy for anyone and that I should think for myself.

She texted "Good for him for loving his wife so much, but you don't deserve to be used as an emotional support doll" And she's right. I have decided to cut off the relationship but this year marks ten years since the death of his wife, not only his family, even MY family is helping them to host a family reunion in honor of her with the things she likes. I think it's a nice thing to do, but I'm totally ready to end the relationship but I'm afraid I'm the bad guy in the story.

The 10th anniversary is in July, I want to end the relationship NOW but I fear that I will be a POS if I do that in this year when he is so vulnerable and even my family is pushing me to act like if I was his wife's bestfriend. He even says that his wife and I would be good friends if we had meet, why would you want your wife to be best friends with the woman you're sleeping with right now? It's too weird, I think I'm insane because everyone around me sees it as something cute.

In short, I don't know if I should break up with him right now or wait until I don't know, next year? Would I be a POS if I break up with him now?

Added comments

OP

He goes to therapy and has even taken me many times to his wife's grave until I asked him not to take me anymore because I don't feel comfortable 🥴 I know he goes to visit her grave a lot.

Yes, I think my family acts that weird because my brother goes through the same situation with his wife and they think I want the same thing

Commenter

Did you ask him why that relationship ended?

OP

He told me that it was because his ex-girlfriend hated when he talked about his wife and didn't respected her memory, at the time I believed him but now I think that the girl maybe was feeling like me

He once told me that he mistakenly called his ex by his wife's name 🥴

May 27th, 2024

(I had to Edit some personal data I wrote without realizing)

A few people who lived the same situation messaged me and that really helped me to feel understood, I finally talked with all my friends about everything he did, I always avoided doing that because I knew they were going to tell me that I should leave him but I just ended up being trapped by everyone else words. We didn't loved each other and that's obvious even if he says doesn't think so. Yes, I actually posted to get approval, I don't know how bad is that but I needed to know that I was doing things right and that I'm not crazy before I said the truth to my friends.

The next day I finally talked to Leon, I REALLY needed to break up at that point.

He came to see me at my house and I told him we needed to talk. I went straight to the point saying I want to end the relationship and he instantly asked me what he did wrong, we literally had this talk before and he does know what things makes me feel uncomfortable, I was tired so I just proceeded to list everything he did. How he never defended me from his ex's-in-law, how he never made an effort to stop naming his wife all the time even though I told him a thousand times that it made me uncomfortable, how does he make me feel like I'm the third in my own relationship, etc.

He apologized saying the same as always, that he doesn't realize it when he does that, we've had this discussion before MANY times but this time I told him I want to break up. I also told him that I don't think his therapist is helping but Leon just said the HE is helping him and feels mentally well.

Leon told me that we could start going together with his therapist because he knows that "It can be hard for a woman to be with a widower, jealousy is a normal thing in this kind of cases" and that really triggered me.

I've let both his and my family make me believe that I'm a crazy jealous, I've let even blogs about widower couples fill my head with things like "You just have to be empathetic, don't expect him to love you. He's always going to love his first wife more so just get used to it and be a good woman". I've let myself be trampled on just because everyone told me that getting over a loss is difficult and I have to be empathetic and think about the other.

I'm so damn tired of it, I'm tired of being empathetic, I've been dragging this thought for months and in that moment I just burst out.

We yelled at each other, we said a lot of things to each other but at the end of it all he went on with his mentality that I'm wrong and I'm just jealous, he said that I clearly don't feel ready to date a widower and I ended up being like his ex, I told him that he's a fucking hypocrite. That he filled his mouth talking shits about his ex-girlfriend but now I'm sure that he treated her like he treated me, he probably took a submissive woman to fullfill the void and took us as sex dolls.

None of that echoed in his mind because he left my house saying I'm just jealous of a ghost and I disappointed him. I'm fed up, I'm so angry while I write this.

As soon as he left the house I sended my mother a message saying that I'm not going to live the same life of my SIL, living in the shadow of a woman who's no longer in this world and they should have empathy for me and not for a man who's not even their family. I told her that I'm tired of being pressured and I don't care if I die single. I'm sure they don't care about how I feel, in the end they will keep saying that I have a cold heart like always but I want to not care about that anymore.

My friends are staying at my house to keep me company and I can finally get all the accumulated shit out of my brain with them.

I don't feel good being second and I know I'll always be second. I don't want to replace the place of the first wife and I know that even if I wanted to, I never will. I know a lot if people feels good with that kind of relationship but not me, maybe I'm really coldhearthed but I'm surely not that empathetic. If his wife were alive, he would clearly never choose me, he wouldn't even look at me... I don't like that kind of love and I really had a hard time accepting that I don't want that kind of love for myself.

I feel that I am still young and I can wait for a man to have me as the first choice in his heart. I hope Leon can overcome his traumas and be happy, but not with me. Someone messaged me that I don't deserve his love but what love are we talking about? I'm just a sex doll at this point. For now he's not going to change and doesn't wants to change but that's not my business, I'm not a bedroom therapist anymore.

I rather be single forever than falling again in that, I want to start more therapy and pilates, I'm still obviously affected by all of this and nothing really changed, nothing would change that fast but I'm just happy that I'm free now. For now I just wanted to vent so sorry if everything sounds too aggressive.

I am not the original poster. Please don’t contact or comment on linked posts

Our niece is 19 years old. Her parents are both deadbeats so she was practically raised by everyone else in the family.

Last year she got accepted in the best, most expensive college in our country and me and my siblings told her that she doesn't need to worry about money and we will all pay.

The problem is that she is very rude and she also has a habit of eavesdropping so she knows everything about everyone in our family.

A few days ago she had a fight with everyone. It was about her being jealous of our kids because apparently we don't treat them equally even though we are spending thousands of dollars a year just for her college and she has never had to work for a second in her life because we pay for everything else as well but nothing is good enough for her. She kept yelling at us and finally I told her that if she says one more word we will all stop paying for her college. She turned to me and said fuck you. I said that's it, no one is paying for your college anymore.

And that's when things went wrong. She started to inform everyone about all of our secrets, things we never wanted our family to know. When she yelled to everyone that "my wife is a whore" (She slept with a couple of guys for money before we got married because she needed the money very bad) I decided that I've had enough. I kicked her out and told her to never return.

Now my sister has been crying because apparently niece isn't answering her calls and she is worried something could happen to her because she has nowhere else to go and it's very clear that both my niece and sister think I was the asshole for "overreacting"

My wife (35F) and I (36M) have been married for 4 years and have 2 kids (3 & 1). My wife's parents divorced when she was a teenager and both her mom and dad have since remarried. There is a lot of competition between her mom, dad, and stepmom in terms of "family time." Everything has to be equal. Meaning if we spend an afternoon with her mom, then we have to do the same thing with her dad and stepmom. Mom and stepmom especially put a lot of pressure on my wife and guilt trip her about it.

My wife has a lot of trouble standing up for herself and saying "no." Before we had kids, this wasn't as big of a deal. If we had to attend 2-3 different Thanksgivings or Xmas gatherings, not a huge deal. I mean, it sucked, but it wasn't the end of the world. Now though, with 2 young kids, it's exhausting and I absolutely hate it.

My wife and I have had numerous talks about her setting boundaries about this because I am at the end of my rope with it. The bickering and pressure is constant and the need to keep everything "equal" essentially determines our entire non-work schedule.

We had to attend 2 separate Easter events this Spring (we're not even religious) because we went to one with her mom, so we "had" to do one with her dad and stepmom. After that, I told my wife I was done with this BS. I told her that she needs to stand up to her parents and start setting boundaries and saying "no." I told her I won't allow her parents to continue to dictate how we live our lives. I told her if she is incapable of doing this, then I will absolutely step in and tell them off.

But she begged me not to do that because she doesn't want to ruffle feathers and promised she would do better. Of course, that didn't happen. We ended up having to run around to 3 separate places on Memorial weekend because of this same stuff. After we got home from the last stop, I told my wife I am done with this and will now pick and choose which things I want to go to. I won't stop her from going and I will stay home with one or both kids if she doesn't want to take them, but I'm done.

Lo and behold, this past weekend she was talking to her mom and 4th of July came up. My FIL had already invited us to his house for a pool day and my wife told her mom about it. So, of cours we have to do something with them that weekend as well. When my wife told me about this, I told her that I will not be attending both and I will choose if I want to attend either.

My wife must have vented to her mom about this because a couple days later, I got a call from my wife's stepdad (the only sane person in this, really). He told me that he completely agrees with me and that he's talked with his wife numerous times about not pressuring my wife, but she doesn't listen either.

He suggested that whenever his wife pressures my wife into keeping things "equal," that he and I go golfing together instead. When I told my wife about this idea, she called me a jerk and told me I'm being unsupportive.

Understanding why something happened does not mean that you're justifying it. I like to understand why people do what they do, good or bad. There's been so many situations in my life where someone will do something mean, controversial, etc., and if I'm talking to other people about why I think they did what they did, someone will lash out and be like "sToP maKiNg eXcUsEs fOr tHeM!" and it is SUCH an eyeroll moment for me. There's a reason that someone does literally anything, and I like to know what it is, especially if it's something bad. Knowing why doesn't mean I think it's right or they get a pass.

This happened last year. I (F31) was 1 week away from my due date and was working full time in a school administration position. At this time I had the capability to work from home if needed (ex. too sick to come in to work, catchup on extra work, unable to secure daycare for my child, etc). When I accepted the position (prior to my pregnancy) I was told by my boss (let's call her Ronnie) that it was very flexible as long as I got my hours in. I very rarely worked from home and typically only did so for an hour or two in the morning if it was needed later on in order to work before obgyn appointments as it was a long commute between work and home/dr. office. However, I was told by Ronnie after accepting the position to try and limit WFH to 2 days a month, which fine, at this point I was well under since I was only working an hour or two maybe twice a month, and only once a month before that.

Being so close to my due date, I was experiencing physical hardships that made working on site more and more difficult such as dizzy spells, a pulled tendon in my foot, and severe back pain. I was also scared of potentially going into labor while at work with it being so far away from the hospital my obgyn delivers at. To top it all off, my coworkers started asking more invasive questions about my pregnancy that made me uncomfortable. All in all, it was not a fun time.

I explained all of this in an email to Ronnie and asked for her permission to almost exclusively work from home up until I go into labor. I said I thought it would be a reasonable accommodation and I work really well from home.

Ronnie responded a couple days later denying my request to work from home at all and said I needed to be there since we would be starting some of our busiest work in a couple months (which I would be gone for on maternity leave anyways, so I'm not sure why she brought it up...), but I could talk to HR about leave options if I am truly having trouble working. (BTW, it is illegal in my state to require an employee to take leave if there is a reasonable accommodation that can be made instead).

Cue malicious compliance.

I immediately went to HR and did just that. We talked about options and found out I could start my leave the very next day and still be paid state mandatory leave pay for the extra time.

I informed Ronnie that I would be out starting the next day as I needed to take care of myself. She said, "I understand you need to do what's best for you, but you need to understand that I need to do what's best for the team".

So, ya, everything I normally managed basically went to crap in my absence as the other people on the team weren't qualified to do the work and kept taking time off leading up to my due date instead of learning the basics while I was still there to teach them. I left detailed procedure notes and workflow lists, but I later found out Ronnie had to pick up all the extra work and a lot of it never got done since she didn't have time.

But it was best for the team right boss?

English is not my first language.

It's been 2 years approximately since my parents divorced due to my dad cheating, I was the one who discovered the cheating. I had to use my dad's computer for some time because mine wasnt working anymore, I tried to use Whatsapp in the computer but my dad also had whatsapp and I saw messages with a woman called " Lily". This messages where very explicit messages, sexting and videos, I was very angry with my dad and still am. I showed the evidence to my sister Sarah (19) and my brother Jack (15), we decided to confront dad about this with mom being present. To say that my mom was angry wouldn't be enough, both my dad and mom started arguing and said very mean things to each other, the conversation ended with my dad being kicked out of the house and staying with my grandparents.

The divorce was very messy, but unfortunately, my dad gained full custody of me and my brother (my dad wins more than my mom). After he gained full custody my mom entered into a depression, my sister was able to help her cope with the hard times but she stills struggles a lot. Since then me and my brother have been living with him and Lily and it's been hell on earth, they ask us to make family plans and do this and that but my brother and I have been very clear about the situation. They haven't made us feel bad but they wont stop trying.

The thing is my dad's family treats her so well that it enrages me a lot. They all know that Lily is an affair partner and they don't give two fucks bout it, they treat her like she isn't the one who interrupted in our lives but the woman my dad has been married for 25 years. The boiling point was when we were having a dinner at my grandparents house, my uncles, my aunts, and my cousins where there + grandparents. They were talking to her and me and my brother where at the corner of the room silently, Lily approached us and talked that we should try to be more social because we don't get to see the whole family so often. I snapped in here.

Me: Who the fuck you think you are to tell us what should we or shouldn't do? Stay in your fucking part of the room and we will stay in ours.

My brother tried to calm me down but it was already too late, my dad started arguing with me and said that I shouldn't be mean to her and that they know they fucked up but they are trying to do the best they can to sort out the situation. I told them that there is absolutely nothing that they can do to solve the situation because the already fucked up. My dad mentioned that he has been paying for moms therapy for the last 6 months (true) because he feels guilty about what he did and told him that that wasn't enough. Lily made an stellar apparition and said that maybe I should go live with my mom instead. Right now I think the next comment I made was a gentle asshole move from my part.

Me: Yeah? Well maybe you should cut your fucking wrists, lets see if that works this time.

Lily scars in her wrists, she mentioned that she had an attempt when she was in her 30's. The room went silent and I looked to my brother and she made a gesture with the head not of disapproval but of 'maybe that was too much'. Lily went crying to the bathroom and my dad followed her. My uncle said very calmly that that was an asshole comment.

Me: I know, thats why I did it. I don't care. Fuck you.

After that comment, I took my things and told them to tell my dad that I was staying at moms. After that my uncle (the one that I insulted) told me that he knows that I am hurt about my dad's cheating but he still cares about us and even Lily cares about us. I started feeling guilty about the comment I made and my brother told me that he was angry at Lily but he has a limit and he thinks that I passed the line here. I haven't talked to mom or sister about this. So AITA?

Since the beginning of our relationship, I have been frustrated by my husband frequently only responding to, or “seeing” the last text I send him. For example, if I were to text him “hey can you check the front door is locked?” Then follow it with a text that says “how does pasta for dinner sound?” He would respond to the pasta text and ignore the door text. I end up having to double check or send multiple texts frequently.

When I bring it up he says I can only expect him to see the last text. Or I can only expect him to read what shows up on the Lock Screen.

We have a baby now and are both tired grumpy and this has gone from making me annoyed to feeling rage and he will snap at me to get off is ass. I have told him it’s standard to read UP until his last response. I asked my sister what she does and she agreed with me and seemed to think it was a no-brainer.

Who is correct? My husband or me?

ETA: he works from home. I am a SAHM since the baby. He frequently has time to scroll x or Facebook or whatever. We text a lot because it’s less disruptive and frankly easier. Especially if the baby is asleep.

ETA 2: we both are string texters. I’m not bombarding him with 10 at a time. Maybe like 4-5 1 liners max. He does same. Some days there’s only like one text sent total. We text in the house when we’re on different floors or the baby is sleeping on me or something.

FINAL EDIT: my husband admits he’s wrong and has no desire to read any more responses. I think he got the message after the first 50. 😂 wow this blew up. He said he just said that cause he was pissy in the moment. Probably backpedaling but I’ll accept it.

TL,DR: A guy was upset that I bought the property he wanted, so he was an ass about it. I make a lot of noise to annoy him and today he broke.

The backstory: here in Sweden there is a huge difference in house prices between popular areas and major cities, compared to the countryside. This meant that I was able to buy a small fixer-upper house at the age of 23 (4 years ago) on a very average income. There was only me and one other bidder involved, and I eventually won the bidding at a reasonable price. The house is located a bit outside town with only one other house next to it, as well as an empty lot.

Shortly after moving in an older guy came knocking on my door. He told me he was the other bidder and the owner of the empty property, and he only wanted my house in order to tear it down and make more space for his friend's RVs. He finished by essentially saying "enjoy your pile of junk". Since then he has spent most of the summers in a lawn chair next to his RV on the empty property, with a clear view up my driveway and shooting me dirty looks every time I walked or drove by.

Now as I said, the house is a project and I've made many improvements over the years as time and money has allowed. There is always something that needs doing on the house, and I'm also the designated mechanic for friends and family. There is usually a car or two getting repaired in my garage. This means lots of noisy tools.

I've made sure to always start some kind of project when I see him sit down in his chair. This has gone on for a few summers now. He gives me dirty looks, I make noise. Only on reasonable hours though. I don't do anything he can reasonably complain about.

Today I continued on my bedroom remodelling and it seems my circular saw finally broke him. He turned his RV around and put the chair in the opposite direction. Where there is an actual view, as compared to my driveway.

I see this as a total victory.

I have a stepsister (21) and she's a right-out bitch literally all the time. I was told to cut the lawn today, and about halfway through cutting the lawn, I noticed that if I went any closer to one side of the lawn i would shoot grass clippings at her car (which was parked on the driveway). Its a shitty little VW that she manages to break every other week but, I knew she would be pissed at the grass on her car. So, be being the polite little step-sibling I am, I went inside and said "Hey, I think you might want to move your car so I don't shoot grass clippings all over it." In response, I got a snobby: "It's far enough up the driveway. Just cut the grass". I knew for a fact that my suggestion was completely justified, because even though our POS push mower is 15+ years old, it still shoots grass out 10 feet to the right. Instead of insisting she moved her car like I would normally do, I relished in the fact that I let her be wrong. So, doing as I was told, I finished cutting the lawn. I didn't TRY to get grass clippings on her car. Despite even my best efforts to AVOID getting them on her car, the entire back end is covered. So here I am, joyous with my accomplishment of right-ness.

I am not OP. That is who posted to AITAH

TW: Infidelity

May 19th, 2024

Context: I (30f) have been with my partner (36m) for 4 years and we have a 2 year old child together. I have 5 year old twins, full time custody as their dad passed away, and he has 2 children (7,12), who he has 50/50 custody of.

I was brought up in a pretty wealthy family where me and my siblings attended private school, and this was something that I valued and wanted any future children of mine to attend also. My twins are now finishing their first year of school at the private school I attended. I pay for their tuition and my husband knew they would be going as I made it very clear that I valued this. He also agreed that it is a good investment and would want our child to attend also, paying half each when the time comes.

His children do not attend a private school, but attend highly ranked public schools. Since the twins started school his ex has been causing issues and saying that it is unfair and showing favouritism that my children attend a "better" school than theirs. My husband agreed and they applied for the same school, but when time came to accept the offer, BM changed her tune and could no longer afford to pay her half. Note that my husband pays alimony and child support totalling to almost 50% his wage and we pay for most other miscellaneous expenses. My husband asked if I would pay for her half and I said no. Ever since this happened he has been distant and accuses me of not loving his children enough and treating them differently. Yes, I could afford the other half but I don't feel that it is my responsibility. I never ask my husband for any financial help towards the upbringing of my children and wouldn't expect that of him.

I felt confident in my decision to refuse but his constant negativity, the comments from his ex and judgement from his family for not paying are making me doubt myself. Am I in the wrong here?

* ETA, I have offered to pay some of the fees, I offered for us ALL to sit down and discuss finances and abilities to contribute. This was refused and BM shut down and began refusing to pay ANY of the fees. The situation could have been avoided had discussions like these been had prior to application. I was not involved in, only informed of, the application as they "are not my children so it was none of my business". But it is now all my business when they want me to pay for the entire thing. I'm going to talk SO and see if BM wants to open discussions and maybe something can be arranged for the next enrolment!

Also, lots of comments assuming my contributions to the family or that I am treating his children poorly. I have made comments but I'm just going to include it in the post to save repeating myself. I pay 80% of all finances, I pay for our holidays and day trips. All of which we arrange during our time with SKs. I am also the sole contributor to their college funds currently. I completely take on board comments about how the children might feel as ultimately I think this is the most important thing. Conversations with them have ended in them expressing not wanting to move away from friends (12 yo especially), or being neutral either way. This is absolutely something BM pushed for and led, and had she been open from the start I am sure something could have been arranged.

*Added comments

OP

Wow. A lot of assumptions were made in your comment. Lets go through them.

1. SO and I have agreed we will split the cost of tuition equitably.

2. The twins are receiving special treatment for going to a different school. Many blended families have children who attend different schools. As stated, they go to highly ranked public schools and have friendships built and are comfortable and enjoy their schools. They really aren't fussed about wanting to move schools. It is SO and BM who want them to move, this isn't a desire expressed by the children and had it been I would have potentially felt differently.

3: I don't value or care about my stepchildren. Because I'm not paying 35k a year for them to move school? BM is refusing to pay despite it being her who is adamant they go. She makes enough through her job, alimony and CS to pay for her half, would you accuse her of not valuing or caring about her children because she is choosing not to spend that money on the school?

4: I can afford it and won't, why? The money that could be spent on it is currently being put into savings accounts for ALL children's college/future funds. Funds which I am the only parent to put money into... but again, I don't care about or value my SKs. I also pay 80% of the household bills, pay for all groceries and the majority of family holidays, day trips etc. All of which are booked and arranged during SOs custody time, so they never miss out, of course I treat them so different and I'm an evil stepmom! SO contributes nothing to my twins and I am the sole financial provider for them (as my post states, their father passed away), and has point blank refused to pay for anything for them in the past as they are not his children.

5. My SO and his ex are treating all 4 children equally. How? As I said, my SO has no financial responsibility towards the twins. As SKs mother, how can she treat two children she spends no time with and has no responsibility for equal to her children? By your logic, all four children's tuition costs should be divided by 3 and split among each parent in that case. Which, I did even offer to pay a portion towards the tuition, but I am not paying the full cost when they have parents who are fully capable of paying themselves.

*More info

Thank you for this comment. I feel like I am being villainized for not wanting to pay for 4 children's education expenses when BM and SO both reached an "agreement" on paying for this, without my input. I don't see how it has fallen completely on me now that they don't want to follow through.

The comments talking about how "poorly" I apparently treat my SKs are crazy. My SO has told me time and time again that my twins are not his, and he shouldn't be expected to love them the same as his children. HIS words, NOT mine. My twins live with him 24/7 and he barely even interacts with them. I'm not allowed any input in the lives of his children because I am "not their mother", but I am good enough to cover their mother's responsibilities when it suits them? He set this precedent of "his" kids and "my" kids.

In all honesty, the comments calling me an AH and accusing me of treating the children differently have actually opened my eyes to how my twins are being treated by their stepdad. Right now I feel like I am failing them by putting them in a situation where they don't receive any love from their SP. I don't even mean financially, I mean emotionally.

I'd be more than willing for SO and I to cover the school between us, if the CS and alimony is reduced somewhat. They both know this. I have offered this multiple times, along with paying 1/3rd of the cost or them choosing to use the money I have saved for their college funds to go to the school. I think my offers have been more than fair, but I guess by reading some comments I haven't. Going to discuss this further with SO, in regards to him going to court for adjustments, and getting couples counselling. I'm not okay with being taken advantage of or the way that ANY of the children are being treated here.

One more comment from OP

Neither my husband, nor his ex are poor, they are both educated with good jobs. We all are. My husband wants no responsibility for my children but you expect me to assume total responsibility for his, but only when it comes to money, because I'm not allowed to be a part of any other parenting discussions... why? The precedent of his and mine was set by him. He was happy with his children in their school before mine attended school. He made a huge fuss about how their school fees were MY responsibility as it was something that was important to me and how he shouldn't be expected to pay for any of it. And do I think the kids see that I supposedly am a wicked step-mom... no I don't think that is how they feel. They don't want to move schools. They have college funds that they wouldn't have if I wasn't paying into, they go on multiple holidays a year and are very happy children, by their own admissions.

May 27th, 2024

Firstly, thank you to everyone for all of the advice, suggestions, and overall support. I wasn't sure I would update on the situation, as it seemed like something that would be an ongoing discussion. However, I guess this update post is in fact nothing to do with the issue of private school.

After reading comments and doing some reflection, I initiated a conversation with him to discuss everything. I once again suggested decreasing child support and alimony and paying together. But I also brought up how unfair it feels that he and his ex have teamed up against me in this situation, and I do not feel that we have been behaving as a partnership. I brought up my grievances regarding feeling used and unappreciated, and how he treats my twins being unacceptable. I voiced my desire for us to have time apart and get into therapy, saying that I needed some space to think as I was unhappy with the effect this was having on the children. I won't rehash the entire argument but after talking about how I feel his relationship with his ex was inappropriate and crossed some boundaries, I was made aware that he and his ex have slept together multiple times during our relationship. I don't have much else to say, I feel completely numb. I have asked him to leave (the house is mine, before I get comments), and I am talking to a divorce lawyer. For those who asked, I do have a prenup and we have only been married for just over a year. He swears that it was a mistake and he regrets it, that he loves me and wants to be with me. According to him it "just happened" and I should be more understanding that they have a history together and he didn't mean anything to happen.

I don't know that I will be replying to any comments or updating anymore as there is nothing left to say. I need time and space to heal and to work on being the best mother I can be. I am feeling probably every emotion possible right now. I feel like a complete failure. I have a lot to figure out, especially as we have a baby together. He hasn't asked to see his daughter, or step kids since leaving, despite me reaching out to ask if he wants to see our daughter.

Once again, thank you for all the initial support I received.

Added comments

Commenter

Wow, how did he even bring up that news??

OP

The conversation was over like 6 hours, on and off. It would be an essay to rehash the entire thing, not to mention I was incredibly emotional and wouldn't be able to recall everything crystal clear, but after hours of arguing and me being suspicious about their relationship being, in my opinion, too close and overstepping boundaries, I said I wouldn't be surprised if he still loved her or was still involved. I have seen texts pop up that were suspicious, but not exactly outright "proof" of anything. The argument went from being about finances and private school to his relationship with his ex. He broke down, typical, and "confessed" while trying to downplay it. He thinks he now deserves some sort of recognition for his honesty.

Commenter

It’s best if you stay single until your kids are grown. Now you’re a single mom of 3 kids. They need stability

OP

I have made zero comments about wanting to date again? I am about to divorce someone and have just found out I have been being used. I can assure you, dating is the last thing on my mind. Not to mention my trust is completely shattered. I have only spoken about focusing on my children and being the best mom I can be. But again, thank you for your advice! : )

I am not the original poster. Please don't contact or comment on linked posts

My Jewish roommate is telling me I'm not allowed to use the oven for my food in the apartment we BOTH pay for. He then calls me unreasonable for being upset and feeling disrespected because of it. (The apartment CAME WITH the oven. It's not his personal oven) AITA for feeling it's unfair that I can't use what I am also paying for?

Edit for clarification since a lot of people don't seem to understand that some Jewish people will only eat kosher and there are special rules to that. I'm not Jewish. I respect the religion, but it's causing issues. He's trying to tell me I'm only allowed to cook kosher food and store kosher food in the kitchen or fridge as well. He expects me to change my way of life for his religion. Which i believe is disrespectful to me.

Update: Thanks for all the advice, whether it's positive or telling me to get revenge by cooking bacon... I've decided to suggest we go to a rabbi and talk to him.

I am 22F and I am currently 32 weeks pregnant. I am in a relationship and have been dating my partner for 4 years.

Today my partner and I were talking about the baby and he was saying that if I am going to nit pick at everything he does with the baby like I have with our dog (he now says that the dog is mine because I didn’t let him discipline the dog how he saw fit) then he will give me one warning then after that he will become a couch potato and said he will have nothing to do with the baby if I don’t let him do things the way he wants to.

I don’t want to come across as nit picking or anything but I’m afraid if he’s feeding the baby, for example, and I can see it would be better if he lifted the baby’s head or was to do something differently that he would perceive that as nit picking and then just give up on us. I almost feel like I have to walk on eggshells because I don’t want to accidentally say the wrong thing and set him off.

I feel like if he did become a couch potato and did nothing to help out then I would want to take the baby and leave this relationship. But, the thought of doing that makes me feel incredibly guilty. We also own a house together too.

TLDR - my boyfriend said that if I nit pick at everything he does with the baby, and I don’t allow him to parent the way he wants, he will become a couch potato and have nothing to do with the baby.

My mom left my father and I when I was 11. She was cheating. My dad is a great dad but maybe not a great husband? I don't know. He never remarried and he sticks to short term girlfriends now. Then come, he comes, they go.

My mom basically abandoned me though. She didn't want custody and never came for visitation. She never called she never wrote. My father did not alienate me from her though. He encouraged me to see her side of the family. I took vacations with my maternal grandparents and my uncles and aunts from that side of my family as well as my dad's side. If she wanted to reach me she could have but never did.

I'm 27 now and getting married. My mother found out and tried to get involved. I said that she was welcome to attend as a guest and bring a plus one. I added her to the invitation list.

Not good enough. She wanted to be on the invitation and to be involved in the wedding. HARD NO. I do not have a relationship with her. My fiancee has never met her. My future in-laws have never met her. She is not a part of my life.

She started calling and texting that she deserves another chance. I blocked her. Then she started using my uncle's phone. I blocked him. You get the idea.

It didn't stop.

Finally I took some tasteful but sexy pictures of my fiancee. With her permission. I unblocked every number. Everyone whose number she used got photoshopped into the pictures and the pictures were posted to some unsavory subs on Reddit.

The calls and texts stopped. I was over seeing my grandmother and my uncle was there. He was upset that his phone was being slammed with texts from perverts. Way to keep it classy Reddit.

My understanding is that no one will allow her to use their phones to try and reach me because there are consequences they don't like.

My uncle said he was only trying to help. I said that she should be happy I'm even inviting her.

A few people think I went too far I disagree. None of them retaliated because they all know I can and will go scorched earth.

But I'm feeling like maybe I went too far and just should have kept them blocked.

No I won't share the pictures. They are easy enough to find and while I find my fiancee beautiful you can find much more salacious material out there.

This just happened, I'm still sitting at the lobby in awe of the event and I wanted to write it down while its still fresh in my mind. (I'm waiting for a ride home so I got to witness a majority)

For blood work at this particular medical center, there's a digital kiosk to sign in rather than speaking to a desk. The kiosk is very simple. Put your ID and insurance card in the machine, it'll scan, check you have a blood work request, then confirm it to the room in the back.

While I was waiting, an older woman comes up to the front and entirely passes the kiosk and attempts to open the door into the lab. The door, not locked, is opened, and nurses quickly rush up to stop her, leading to an argument in the lobby with around three nurses blocking the door.

Nurse 1: Ma'am you need to check in and wait to be called

Woman: I'm not doing that shit. You can't pay me to touch a damned computer. I don't even have an ID, you can look up my information in the back

Nurse 2: It doesn't work like that here. The kiosk is very simple. You can manually put in your information if you don't have an ID

Woman: I'm not doing that! This is unnecessary, the office in (other town over) doesn't have one. It's hard enough to put a card in the grocery store machine, now you're making me do it here?

Nurse 2: We're not that other location. I'm sorry but we need you to check in. I can help if you need

Woman: This is ridiculous, just look up my information. I'm an old woman, I won't touch a computer. I don't touch a computer anywhere, you can't force me

Nurse 2: Ma'am, we're not forcing you, it's just how our system works. I can do it for you if you have your information.

Woman: Fine! Do it then

(From there she proceeds to announce her personal information very loudly, nurse inputs it)

Nurse 2: Do you have an insurance card?

Woman: Obviously. I don't have it on me, you can look it up.

Nurse 2: Unfortunately I can't, our system doesn't work that way. Do you know your insurance ID?

Woman: Yeah, it's (number)

Nurse 2: There, you're checked in. No problems

Woman: Finally. I don't understand why this new generation is making everything so difficult. You can't expect me to use a computer. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone I know, or any of these people behind me. For a 1-10, I'd give it a zero.

Nurse 2: I understand ma'am. You're signed in though. You can take a seat now

Woman: I can't go back? I just went through all that trouble to sign in. I'm an old woman, this is already stressful

Nurse 1: There's someone in the back already. You'll be called in soon.

Woman: I'll make sure to never come to this location again. Hurry it up then.

The nurses went into the back and she took a seat somewhat close to me and began talking to the other people in the lobby. Only one other person engaged her, and she started talking about pancakes like she didn't cause a spectacle just now. Is this what secondhand embarrassment is?

When she was called, she left her pile of belongings on the chair and went to the back.

I,(32f) and my husband(34m) dated for 2 years, married for 4 years. For context, I have lived a wonderful life with him and felt really happy these 6 years.

I gave birth to my wonderful baby girl Lucy (fake name), 2 years ago. She has my eyes and the shape of my nose, she is a little tanned as one of my relatives have tanned skin. My husband or soon to be ex husband, believed that our baby can't be tanned as we are both white- this might sound a little racist, but I truly respect everyone, and it doesn't matter what skin colour they have. I should have seen this as a red flag, but I was blinded by love back then.

I don't know what happened to my husband, but for some reason he demanded a paternity test, stating that the baby isn't his. I was in shock and I didn't know what to do. After he left for work, I started crying, because of the betrayal and heart break. I felt like the man I met 6 years ago isn't him any more.

Fast forward, we did the paternity test, the results came out, the baby is his. I told him I wanted to keep my distance from him, I told him that I don't want to seem him any more after he betrayed me.

I filed for divorce a month ago. When he received the papers he blew up my phone. He said I was over reacting.

I want advice from other people who have been in similar situations. What should I do?

AITAH for filing for divorce

Quick edit: we arent white, just white coloured, English isn't my first language so am sorry for any grammar mistakes 😅

Update: ik it's only been 1hr but after reading the comments, there has been many misunderstandings which I want to clear .

For those who think she doesn't look like her dad, that is not true she has his hair, and ear shape other features which I don't want to say for safety

For the people who suggested couples counselling, I did suggest it before, when he distanced himself from me and Lucy. Also, in these months I've realised that there were many red flags that I didn't see in him, he wasn't supportive during my pregnancy, I understand it might have been due to work, but I already filed for divorce, for those who say I should wait. Hope this cleared the misunderstandings

My (25F) best friend (24F) Rainn is getting married in a few months. I’m really happy for her, but I’m having a major issue with the bridesmaid dresses.

The dress itself isn’t hideous, it’s just . . . unflattering. It’s a bright neon green, which wouldn't normally be a deal breaker, but it’s a halter top with a super low back. Now, I’m all for embracing my body, but I have pretty bad scoliosis and a prominent scar on my back from a childhood surgery. The low back would definitely show off both, and I’m not comfortable with that.

I talked to Rainn about it, suggesting maybe a shawl or finding a dress with a higher back. She shut me down completely. She said the dresses are “non-negotiable” and that “it’s her day.” I understand wanting everything to look perfect for her wedding, but I don’t feel comfortable feeling so exposed on such a big day.

I floated the idea of just opting out of being a bridesmaid altogether. Rainn got really upset and said it would be a huge betrayal. Now I feel stuck. I don’t want to be a bad friend, but I also don’t want to wear a dress that makes me feel self-conscious.  

AITA for refusing to wear the dress? 

I will try to keep this as short as possible. My middle daughter has always struggled with academics. She was in the average classes usally getting a C or B. In highschool it got harder and she went through a lot of tutoring. When she was 17, she almost failed out. She had been tested before but it came back with nothing.

We learned at that time that she decided to stop, she wasn't turning stuff in and told us there was no point since she doesn't do well academically. She also had a huge resentment at the time for her younger sister that was academically inclined.

She turned 18 and refused to go to school and dropped out. After this she spiral and ruined a lot of relationships with friends and family. She had an addiction. Her three siblings do not speak with her and my wife doesn't interact with her. That's a whole different story but in short she stole a lot of money.

She is now 26 and back on track. She called me asking me to host a graduation party since she got her GED. That I did it for the rest of the kids

I told her no for three main reasons. The first being she isn't a graduating, she got her GED. No one will show up, she has screwed almost all of the family so they won't go and her friends are shady so I don't want to invite them. My last is that she is 26 and this was suppose to happen when she was 18.

She called me a jerk

So, a bit of background: I (28M) have been working nonstop for the past couple of years. My job is super demanding, and I've barely taken any time off. Recently, I decided I needed a break and booked a solo vacation to Spain. It’s always been a dream destination of mine, and I was so excited to finally get some much-needed R&R.

Here's where things get tricky. My family (parents and two younger siblings) found out about the trip and got pretty upset. They feel like I should have taken them along or at least used some of my time off to do a family trip instead. We haven't gone on a family vacation in a long time, mostly because of my busy schedule and lack of funds. But now that I had a bit of extra cash, thanks to winning a bet on Real Madrid winning the finals, I decided to splurge on myself.

I understand where they're coming from, but I just really needed some time to recharge alone. I didn't want to deal with the logistics and stress of organizing a trip for five people. Plus, I've always wanted to experience traveling solo at least once.

When I got back, my family was still giving me the cold shoulder. They think I was being selfish and inconsiderate. I tried explaining that this was something I needed for my mental health and well-being, but they just don't get it.

I get that family time is important, but I also believe in self-care and doing things that make you happy. Was it really that bad for me to take some time for myself? AITA for choosing a solo vacation to Spain over a family trip?

I AM NOT OOP. OOP IS u/

Originally posted on

Content warning: death from car accident

1 update - short

- April 6th, 2024

- June 2nd, 2024

AITA For Telling My Sister That She Shouldn't Overvalue Herself And Prepare For The Worse?

Throwaway Account

I (21f) Have an older sister "Eve" (29f) who had her first child, "Lori" (1f) and while this should be a time of joy an excitement there's actually a lot of tension and brewing resentment between her, our mom, and her husband "Jack" (29m). Despite it being unplanned Eve's pregnancy was wanted and Jack was an involved partner. He went to most of Eve's appointments, took the birthing classes, and supported Eve's decision to just have our mom in the room while he wanted outside when she gave birth.

The plan was for our mom to be by Eve's side in the room and to help stay for a week after Lori was born. Everyone was cool with this but unfortunately our aunt got into some drama with her husband in another state and our mom rushed over to be at her sister's side. Eve was already in her 3rd trimester so Jack didn't like the idea of our mom going and voiced it. Our mom tore Jack a new one and Eve even got on his case about it so he apologized. However, Eve ended up going into labor and Jack ultimately was the one in the room while our mom was away.

When she called, our mom expressed being sad over not being there for the birth of her first grandchild and she and Eve decided that no one else in the family would see Lori until she got back. Without discussing it with Jack. He was understandably not happy as his mom lived about 45 minutes away and was looking forward to meeting Lori too as she was the first grandchild on both sides. Eve pulled the "I just gave birth" card and Jack reluctantly allowed it. On the day that our mom was supposed to come back she missed her flight and couldn't get a new one until the following morning. Our mom could've just rented a car but she didn't want to spend the money since the airline wouldn't refund the money.

Jack was brought up allowing his mom to come again, but Eve refused citing that he already agreed. Unfortunately, Jack's mom was in a car accident and passed before ever getting to meet Lori since Eve wouldn't even allow a video chat. Jack was distraught, he moved to the guest bedroom, went to the funeral alone and refuses to engage with Eve at all.

Jack's side of the family keeps calling and messaging Eve to tell her what a selfish and awful person she is and Jack refuses to defend. Eventually, Eve got sick of it and packed up and left to our mom's house to "teach Jack a lesson" but he hasn't texted or called. Our mom thinks that he just needs some space and that he'll call soon but I just laughed at that. Didn't mean to though.

My mom and Eve asked me why I laughed and I tried to brush it off or even leave but they couldn't let me and pressed for answer. Eventually, I told her that while the accident wasn't her fault she did keep Lori away from Jack's mom meeting her for a week and now she never will. There's no way Jack is going to ever love you enough to forgive that and that you should prepare for the worst. Eve started to bawl her eyes out while mom berated me so I left. AITA?

Edit: Just to clarify because I keep seeing this when the accident first happened Eve has apologized three separate times (Jack has admitted to this) and Eve intended to go to the funeral with him but he drove off without her. Jack does interact with Lori it's Eve that he's icing out and my niece is the only thing he's willing to talk to Eve about. Jack had been living in the guest room for 5 months before Eve left. She's offered to go to couple's counseling but Jack has refused.

VERDICT: NTA

Relevant Comments

Fantastic-Mango-7440

Probably would get downvoted [editor's note: this comment has 9.1k upvotes], but who cares? NTA. Your mom showed time and time again that her first niece granddaughter isn't that important to her. The fact that Jack's mom would never meet her niece is something that Jack would never get over and he is right. His mom was denied acces cause the other grandmother would rather cater to her adult sister than meeting her granddaughter. That woman died with the wish to see her first granddaughter. Jack and the rest of the family are never going to forgive your sister for this. Hopefully they won't take it on the baby.

Simple_Practice8535

Damn, every bit of this story is just sad. Eve sure is delusional. The fact that Jack didn't just let his mom come from the start is amazing. It is incredibly unfair to impose this. Honestly, this mix of emotions (newborn + mother dying) must be overwhelming. I hope someone is keeping an eye on Jack...

Because it was just supposed to be one week. No one saw this accident coming and Jack didn't want to stress out my sister (who had just even birth). He was trying to respect her wishes and got screwed over because of it.

Update - 2 months later

Hey!

It's been a couple of weeks and due to people still occasionally asking I thought I'd give a people some quick updates to the situation. Here are the basic bullet points:

• My sister has now been officially diagnosed with Postpartum Depression and that is the trump card/Hail Mary of the situation.

• My sister and her husband are living together again and in couple's therapy.

• My sister is in individual counseling.

• My niece has now been officially introduced to a few members of her paternal size and they all love her.

• Jack's family have ceased their negative comments about my sister but she says that they're still pretty formal and distant towards her. I honestly don't know if she'll ever be in their good graces again and will only put up with her for my BIL and niece's sake.

• My niece's name first and middle is going to be legally changed to whatever Jack wants.

• For the next five years BIL's side of the family is getting priority when it comes to any and all holidays.

• My mom will be on a strict info diet when it comes to the baby. No pictures unless Jack approves.

This is all I know for right now and my mom is NOT happy with any of this and is calling Jack a controlling AH but my sister is holding firm in an effort to save her marriage. She claims that BIL and her are making progress in counseling and I hope for her sake that it's true. It's gonna suck not being able to see my niece as much as I wanted for the next possible few years but compared to never being able to see her at all (like Jack's mom) it is what it is. I know a lot of you may not be happy with this update but it is what it is for now.

Relevant Comments

kat1850

Im actually kinda happy with this update.

His family will forever hold this against her, and she probably will never be completely in their good graces again. This is all she can hope for TBH.

Also, your mother doesn't get to he unhappy. She put everyone before meeting the baby, causing Jack's mother to never meet her grandchild.

crocodilezebramilk

Did Jack not have any say in his own daughter’s name?

How enmeshed is your mom and sister why your mother got to push Jack out of the whole thing?

From my understanding Eve picked the first and provided a list of middle names that Jack could choose from, and then my niece got Jack's surname.

sheramom4

I don't how I feel about this. Changing the baby's name after a year to whatever the husband wants? Priority for holidays for five years? No pictures for your mom unless Jack approves of it? This seems like jumping from the frying pan directly into the fire. If these are the terms set up by Jack in order to "save" the marriage...one, I doubt the marriage counselor knows about these specific ones I mentioned and two, is it even worth saving? Your sister has no autonomy over their child, no autonomy over her schedule, no ability to share a photo with her mother. You have limited contact with your niece. Who really won here other than Jack and his family who might, someday, be nice to your sister?

Yes, your sister was wrong in the original post. Of course she was. But not ONE things on this list can change what happened. Not one. And this parts of this list sound like they could lead to some DV situations in the future on Jack's part. Isolation from support systems is one of those factors.

Who really won here other than Jack and his family who might, someday, be nice to your sister?

Jack's mom suddenly passed away, and she was a loving and sweet person. I wouldn't exactly call it a "win."

Also from what Eve has told me it's not "isolation" so much as strict boundaries. Eve said that these restrictions were only for the baby and that she's able to still have regular contact with whoever she chooses.

sheramom4

Jack's mom passed away because of a tragic accident that no one could have predicted. Why do you repeatedly use this as the basis for your posts? Your sister didn't kill her. Your sister didn't cause the accident.

How will changing the baby's name, monopolizing holidays, and not allowing your sister to share photos of her child change what happened? It won't. This list reads as a revenge fantasy.

II won't deny that Jack is taking advantage of the situation. He's hurt and angry and very resentful. He laid out his terms and Eve is agreeing to them. Plus they're in counseling. It's not ideal but it is what it is.

Marked ongoing 'cause, yeah...

Reminder, this is a repost. I am not OOP.

No brigading, no harassment.

Two years ago, after putting hardwood in our foyer and dining room, we decided on a particular baseboard that Lowe's carried in "Pro Packs". These packs come with six 12' boards and I believe cost ~$180 each. We purchased two packs knowing that one wasn't enough, but we should have four boards leftover which we could then return.

Due to a few miscuts (first-time DIY'ing floors) we ended up having three full boards to return, which I lugged back with my receipt. I brought them to the return area and the lady who helped me was very unpleasant. As she took my receipt, I explained that these were 3 boards from ONE of the Pro Packs on the receipt, and that the refund should be half of the cost of one, which is what the person who sold me the packs originally told me would happen. She asked me if I bought one of the boards on another receipt and I repeated that all three boards were part of a pack, that there was no other receipt, and that the refund should only be half of one of the listed items. She said back to me (verbatim), "Don't tell me how to do my job!" and then walked back in the area to talk to another lady also working returns.

Two minutes later she came back and asked for my credit card. After putting a refund for $360 on my card, she also gave me a Lowe's store gift card with $180 on it because I didn't have the receipt for the 3rd board I was returning. I was going to mention that I should have only gotten a $90 refund on my card and no gift card, but I didn't want to tell her how to do her job, so I left.

Went back a few weeks later and used the gift card for 5 gallons of paint which we used to paint the same rooms.

I'm (24f) an adoptee and I have never ever wanted to search for my birth parents or any birth family. I'm happy with the family I was raised in, I did some genetic testing to get a better idea of risk factors so I don't need my birth family for that kind of thing and generally I don't feel any curiosity about the people I'm genetically related to. I'm also really fucking happy with my life and I'm not feeling anything missing. Something could change in the future but I have never felt any other way about this.

My mom's oldest sister aka aunt from the title, placed her son for adoption 38 years ago. She was young and she felt like she had no choices at the time. But she has always wished she hadn't given him up, she tried to get him back a couple of months after he was adopted, and she tried searching for him a few times, but it seems like he never looked for her and so she hasn't found him. It's a grief she carries around almost 40 years later.

I think my aunt's experience has given her this warped idea that if I were to search for my birth family and show an interest in meeting and being part of my birth family, her son will do the same. She has encouraged me to be more curious about my birth family for years now. Since I was a teenager and I never cared. She told me, not asked or suggested, but told me I should look for my birth parents. I told her I didn't want to and she told me I didn't know what I was saying. She has used guilt trips about my birth parents missing me and about the family I could be missing out on. But I was clear I don't care. My mom spoke to her several times and told her to get help and stop dragging me into her grief. She refuses to leave it alone.

She has asked me why I have no interest and I have told her how I feel. She has really tried to make me say I'm somewhat curious but I'm just not. And then we had an incident the other week. She mentioned it for the millionth time and I tried to ignore her and carry on other conversations but she kept bringing it up, and bringing it up. She was asked to stop by my mom and other family members and finally I got so tired of her pressing the issue that I told her finding my birth parents won't make her son search for her and she needs to stop linking those things because she's setting herself up for more heartache.

My aunt called me callous to her experience and feelings.

AITA?

My (M50) daughter (F17) recently bought herself a plane ticket from the UK to LA. She did not ask for permission and bought the tickets and is now stating that she is going whether I allow her to or not. She bought the tickets a week ago and only tried talking to me about 3 days ago. She does not have a clear plan of whom she is staying with or what she is doing whilst she is there. She stated that her reasons for not asking me is because she'd already asked her mother (we are divorced and my daughter moved in with me four months ago). She thought that she did not have to get my permission as she thought her mother's was enough and that I "scare her". Whilst I am open to the idea that I may scare her, I find it harder to believe that when she went ahead and bought the tickets regardless. She lied to me and I feel like I've been manipulated into this as her mother has said she can go despite neither of us giving permission for her to buy the tickets for six weeks time. My concerns are that she's 17 and never left the country on her own. She's never been the States and she doesn't know what TSA can be like. Shes previously struggled with major anxiety to the point where she's found it difficult to get the underground in the UK. We don't have any family or friends out in LA that could get to her if she needed anyone so there's no fallback plan and she's only 17. She doesn't have any World experience. I'm very reluctant to let her go due to her poor decision making regarding the whole situation as it stands. All of my side of the family have said that it's a bad idea and that I shouldn't let her go. But my daughter has said that she will hate me forever if I don't let her go and her mother doesn't think it's a bad idea. AITAH?

Edit: for those asking why I've ignored the whole daughter being scared of me. She tends to pick and choose when she wants to be scared of me. When it comes to asking for money, or a lift to a party or work, or to come get her before her phone dies late at night. She doesn't have an issue asking me for anything. She only becomes "scared of me" when she does something wrong and then doesn't want to face the consequences and uses her fear against me so that I can't instill any consequences. Also, her plans for accommodation is one of two friends but she's unsure who and has never met them in real life as they are people she met online and video calls most nights to game with. But I have never met them and therefore don't trust them.

Update: Firstly, thank you to everybody who has offered advice and ideas on how to tackle this. My daughter and I have since sat down and tried to the best of our abilities to talk this through in a calm manner. She continued to demand that she was going to the States regardless of having my blessing or not. The conversation became heated and she decided to bring her mother in for back up. However, she eventually decided to reveal that one of the friends that she could stay with is actually coming to the UK to visit within the month. She has said that she can give me all of her friends' parents' contact details. I an still undecided. My daughter deceived me through her actions and whilst I am doing my best to not let that affect my decision towards this, it does need to addressed so that she doesn't think she can steamroll everytime she makes a rash decision. My eldest daughter suggested that I genuinely consider all the options she has but find consequences regarding the deceit more domestically like grounding her for a few months. I have not decided whether she can go or not. However, I am willing to meet her friend who is coming to visit and have some very long discussions with parents. Thank you all for your advice. It's all been very helpful and made me feel less alone in my reaction to my daughter's decisions.

I'm on the chunkier side. Not unhealthy. BMI within 'normal' parameters. But I got curves.

I went to a store wearing one of those tops that cinches in below the chest, above waistline. I guess it accentuated them curves (never wearing it again, that's for sure)

Older Rando Lady comes up to me, puts her hand on my belly and asks when I am due. She's got that big smile on her face like we're besties already. She's positively beaming.

I put my hand over hers, smile back and say - I'm not pregnant. I'm just fat.

Her face falls. She tries to pull her hand back. But I hold it there, counting away the seconds, positively beaming. When I finally release her, she scampers away without a single word.