Q&As

I gave birth to my daughter, Ember, 4 months ago. My husband and I both loved her name and that's how it was chosen. We announced the day she was born and nobody said anything negative or gave a reason for us not to use it then. I say this because three days ago my SIL, who is married to my brother, sat me down and asked me to change the name because it's the name of her stillborn daughter she had with her ex-husband 7 years ago. She told me she tried to keep it quiet but she couldn't let me keep calling my daughter Ember because it's such a painful reminder for her. She told me she really feels like we should change her name.

I gently told SIL that my daughter was 4 months old and her name is on the birth certificate and it would cost us to change it, so we will not. She told me she tried so hard not to say anything and the fact she did eventually break and bring this up should show how hard this is for her and make me more willing to change the name for her sake.

I told my husband about it afterward and he felt the same way I did. He told me it seemed like a weak excuse to wait four, almost five months, to tell us, when she had the chance long before this. My brother found out about the conversation with his wife and he reached out and told me she mentioned it to him two months ago and that she was battling with asking us to change the name since, but he understands why I said no and supports the decision.

Yesterday she reached out to me again and asked me if we had decided on a new name yet and I told her my answer is still no and she asked why and I told her she waited four months to tell us. She became very angry very quickly and told me if she had lost my niece my response would be different and I should see this as her losing my niece because she would have been if she were alive. She also told me my daughter is going to grow up always hearing about the cousin I gave her the same name as and that I should reconsider before burdening my daughter with that. She told me a good person with good morals would.

I should also mention; I knew she had suffered a pregnancy loss but it was implied she had a miscarriage far earlier and not a stillborn child. I never knew the name or sex. And I never ever heard her use a name for her daughter.

AITA?

My sister and her husband are coming into town for a week and I was going to take them to dinner at a relatively nice local restaurant.My sister is fancy and travels all over the world and likes fancy places. I asked if she had someone to watch her 1-year old baby or if she needed me to get someone. She said something along the lines of: "This baby has already been to more Michelin star restaurants than most people will in their entire life." I feel like it is maybe rude to take a baby to a nice place because they might make noises or smells that would make other people uncomfortable on a special night out. I have no idea how this baby will do, it might be fine but I don't want to take the chance that it could spoil the evening for other people. Am I being a jerk for asking that she doesn't bring the kid? It just seems like very entitled behavior.

Edit: to clarify, this is one of the nicest places in town It is not a place that has high chairs. Further edit the person who I would ask to watch the kid is a practicing pediatrician and friend of mine that my sister has met on a few occasions. My sister is also from here and has friends here that she could ask. The child would not be left with a random stranger. It's crazy to me that people are assuming that. I am fine with going to a family-friendly place and would prefer that if we are bringing the kid.

Our niece is 19 years old. Her parents are both deadbeats so she was practically raised by everyone else in the family.

Last year she got accepted in the best, most expensive college in our country and me and my siblings told her that she doesn't need to worry about money and we will all pay.

The problem is that she is very rude and she also has a habit of eavesdropping so she knows everything about everyone in our family.

A few days ago she had a fight with everyone. It was about her being jealous of our kids because apparently we don't treat them equally even though we are spending thousands of dollars a year just for her college and she has never had to work for a second in her life because we pay for everything else as well but nothing is good enough for her. She kept yelling at us and finally I told her that if she says one more word we will all stop paying for her college. She turned to me and said fuck you. I said that's it, no one is paying for your college anymore.

And that's when things went wrong. She started to inform everyone about all of our secrets, things we never wanted our family to know. When she yelled to everyone that "my wife is a whore" (She slept with a couple of guys for money before we got married because she needed the money very bad) I decided that I've had enough. I kicked her out and told her to never return.

Now my sister has been crying because apparently niece isn't answering her calls and she is worried something could happen to her because she has nowhere else to go and it's very clear that both my niece and sister think I was the asshole for "overreacting"

My wife (35F) and I (36M) have been married for 4 years and have 2 kids (3 & 1). My wife's parents divorced when she was a teenager and both her mom and dad have since remarried. There is a lot of competition between her mom, dad, and stepmom in terms of "family time." Everything has to be equal. Meaning if we spend an afternoon with her mom, then we have to do the same thing with her dad and stepmom. Mom and stepmom especially put a lot of pressure on my wife and guilt trip her about it.

My wife has a lot of trouble standing up for herself and saying "no." Before we had kids, this wasn't as big of a deal. If we had to attend 2-3 different Thanksgivings or Xmas gatherings, not a huge deal. I mean, it sucked, but it wasn't the end of the world. Now though, with 2 young kids, it's exhausting and I absolutely hate it.

My wife and I have had numerous talks about her setting boundaries about this because I am at the end of my rope with it. The bickering and pressure is constant and the need to keep everything "equal" essentially determines our entire non-work schedule.

We had to attend 2 separate Easter events this Spring (we're not even religious) because we went to one with her mom, so we "had" to do one with her dad and stepmom. After that, I told my wife I was done with this BS. I told her that she needs to stand up to her parents and start setting boundaries and saying "no." I told her I won't allow her parents to continue to dictate how we live our lives. I told her if she is incapable of doing this, then I will absolutely step in and tell them off.

But she begged me not to do that because she doesn't want to ruffle feathers and promised she would do better. Of course, that didn't happen. We ended up having to run around to 3 separate places on Memorial weekend because of this same stuff. After we got home from the last stop, I told my wife I am done with this and will now pick and choose which things I want to go to. I won't stop her from going and I will stay home with one or both kids if she doesn't want to take them, but I'm done.

Lo and behold, this past weekend she was talking to her mom and 4th of July came up. My FIL had already invited us to his house for a pool day and my wife told her mom about it. So, of cours we have to do something with them that weekend as well. When my wife told me about this, I told her that I will not be attending both and I will choose if I want to attend either.

My wife must have vented to her mom about this because a couple days later, I got a call from my wife's stepdad (the only sane person in this, really). He told me that he completely agrees with me and that he's talked with his wife numerous times about not pressuring my wife, but she doesn't listen either.

He suggested that whenever his wife pressures my wife into keeping things "equal," that he and I go golfing together instead. When I told my wife about this idea, she called me a jerk and told me I'm being unsupportive.

English is not my first language.

It's been 2 years approximately since my parents divorced due to my dad cheating, I was the one who discovered the cheating. I had to use my dad's computer for some time because mine wasnt working anymore, I tried to use Whatsapp in the computer but my dad also had whatsapp and I saw messages with a woman called " Lily". This messages where very explicit messages, sexting and videos, I was very angry with my dad and still am. I showed the evidence to my sister Sarah (19) and my brother Jack (15), we decided to confront dad about this with mom being present. To say that my mom was angry wouldn't be enough, both my dad and mom started arguing and said very mean things to each other, the conversation ended with my dad being kicked out of the house and staying with my grandparents.

The divorce was very messy, but unfortunately, my dad gained full custody of me and my brother (my dad wins more than my mom). After he gained full custody my mom entered into a depression, my sister was able to help her cope with the hard times but she stills struggles a lot. Since then me and my brother have been living with him and Lily and it's been hell on earth, they ask us to make family plans and do this and that but my brother and I have been very clear about the situation. They haven't made us feel bad but they wont stop trying.

The thing is my dad's family treats her so well that it enrages me a lot. They all know that Lily is an affair partner and they don't give two fucks bout it, they treat her like she isn't the one who interrupted in our lives but the woman my dad has been married for 25 years. The boiling point was when we were having a dinner at my grandparents house, my uncles, my aunts, and my cousins where there + grandparents. They were talking to her and me and my brother where at the corner of the room silently, Lily approached us and talked that we should try to be more social because we don't get to see the whole family so often. I snapped in here.

Me: Who the fuck you think you are to tell us what should we or shouldn't do? Stay in your fucking part of the room and we will stay in ours.

My brother tried to calm me down but it was already too late, my dad started arguing with me and said that I shouldn't be mean to her and that they know they fucked up but they are trying to do the best they can to sort out the situation. I told them that there is absolutely nothing that they can do to solve the situation because the already fucked up. My dad mentioned that he has been paying for moms therapy for the last 6 months (true) because he feels guilty about what he did and told him that that wasn't enough. Lily made an stellar apparition and said that maybe I should go live with my mom instead. Right now I think the next comment I made was a gentle asshole move from my part.

Me: Yeah? Well maybe you should cut your fucking wrists, lets see if that works this time.

Lily scars in her wrists, she mentioned that she had an attempt when she was in her 30's. The room went silent and I looked to my brother and she made a gesture with the head not of disapproval but of 'maybe that was too much'. Lily went crying to the bathroom and my dad followed her. My uncle said very calmly that that was an asshole comment.

Me: I know, thats why I did it. I don't care. Fuck you.

After that comment, I took my things and told them to tell my dad that I was staying at moms. After that my uncle (the one that I insulted) told me that he knows that I am hurt about my dad's cheating but he still cares about us and even Lily cares about us. I started feeling guilty about the comment I made and my brother told me that he was angry at Lily but he has a limit and he thinks that I passed the line here. I haven't talked to mom or sister about this. So AITA?

My Jewish roommate is telling me I'm not allowed to use the oven for my food in the apartment we BOTH pay for. He then calls me unreasonable for being upset and feeling disrespected because of it. (The apartment CAME WITH the oven. It's not his personal oven) AITA for feeling it's unfair that I can't use what I am also paying for?

Edit for clarification since a lot of people don't seem to understand that some Jewish people will only eat kosher and there are special rules to that. I'm not Jewish. I respect the religion, but it's causing issues. He's trying to tell me I'm only allowed to cook kosher food and store kosher food in the kitchen or fridge as well. He expects me to change my way of life for his religion. Which i believe is disrespectful to me.

Update: Thanks for all the advice, whether it's positive or telling me to get revenge by cooking bacon... I've decided to suggest we go to a rabbi and talk to him.

I am 22F and I am currently 32 weeks pregnant. I am in a relationship and have been dating my partner for 4 years.

Today my partner and I were talking about the baby and he was saying that if I am going to nit pick at everything he does with the baby like I have with our dog (he now says that the dog is mine because I didn’t let him discipline the dog how he saw fit) then he will give me one warning then after that he will become a couch potato and said he will have nothing to do with the baby if I don’t let him do things the way he wants to.

I don’t want to come across as nit picking or anything but I’m afraid if he’s feeding the baby, for example, and I can see it would be better if he lifted the baby’s head or was to do something differently that he would perceive that as nit picking and then just give up on us. I almost feel like I have to walk on eggshells because I don’t want to accidentally say the wrong thing and set him off.

I feel like if he did become a couch potato and did nothing to help out then I would want to take the baby and leave this relationship. But, the thought of doing that makes me feel incredibly guilty. We also own a house together too.

TLDR - my boyfriend said that if I nit pick at everything he does with the baby, and I don’t allow him to parent the way he wants, he will become a couch potato and have nothing to do with the baby.

My mom left my father and I when I was 11. She was cheating. My dad is a great dad but maybe not a great husband? I don't know. He never remarried and he sticks to short term girlfriends now. Then come, he comes, they go.

My mom basically abandoned me though. She didn't want custody and never came for visitation. She never called she never wrote. My father did not alienate me from her though. He encouraged me to see her side of the family. I took vacations with my maternal grandparents and my uncles and aunts from that side of my family as well as my dad's side. If she wanted to reach me she could have but never did.

I'm 27 now and getting married. My mother found out and tried to get involved. I said that she was welcome to attend as a guest and bring a plus one. I added her to the invitation list.

Not good enough. She wanted to be on the invitation and to be involved in the wedding. HARD NO. I do not have a relationship with her. My fiancee has never met her. My future in-laws have never met her. She is not a part of my life.

She started calling and texting that she deserves another chance. I blocked her. Then she started using my uncle's phone. I blocked him. You get the idea.

It didn't stop.

Finally I took some tasteful but sexy pictures of my fiancee. With her permission. I unblocked every number. Everyone whose number she used got photoshopped into the pictures and the pictures were posted to some unsavory subs on Reddit.

The calls and texts stopped. I was over seeing my grandmother and my uncle was there. He was upset that his phone was being slammed with texts from perverts. Way to keep it classy Reddit.

My understanding is that no one will allow her to use their phones to try and reach me because there are consequences they don't like.

My uncle said he was only trying to help. I said that she should be happy I'm even inviting her.

A few people think I went too far I disagree. None of them retaliated because they all know I can and will go scorched earth.

But I'm feeling like maybe I went too far and just should have kept them blocked.

No I won't share the pictures. They are easy enough to find and while I find my fiancee beautiful you can find much more salacious material out there.

My son's friend J let my son drive his car and my son crashed on the freeway. My son does not have a license and the car was in his friend J's mothers name. The police took the car ( it was totaled) and gave my son two tickets, one for driving with no license and another for reckless driving and they petitioned it for adult court. The mother of J contacted me and let me know that her insurance company will be suing me . My question is can I be sued for this? And I actually offered to replace the car with my spare vehicle because I felt so bad for his friend J who just graduated and is a really nice kid. The car that was crashed probably wasn't even worth 1500$ it was like a 2005 Taurus or something

I’m just so confused about who I’m supposed to support and why. When I actually read a little bit about the history and how the current conflict started, I changed my position from “free Palestine” to “we just shouldn’t be killing innocent civilians, it’s never justified”.

She gets alot of accolades and appears to be very close with the outgoing President. She seems to be tough, fair and demanding but sounds good for the country.

In almost every social media post I've seen her called the cartel candidate and that she's corrupt. I can't figure out what's going on here?

I,(32f) and my husband(34m) dated for 2 years, married for 4 years. For context, I have lived a wonderful life with him and felt really happy these 6 years.

I gave birth to my wonderful baby girl Lucy (fake name), 2 years ago. She has my eyes and the shape of my nose, she is a little tanned as one of my relatives have tanned skin. My husband or soon to be ex husband, believed that our baby can't be tanned as we are both white- this might sound a little racist, but I truly respect everyone, and it doesn't matter what skin colour they have. I should have seen this as a red flag, but I was blinded by love back then.

I don't know what happened to my husband, but for some reason he demanded a paternity test, stating that the baby isn't his. I was in shock and I didn't know what to do. After he left for work, I started crying, because of the betrayal and heart break. I felt like the man I met 6 years ago isn't him any more.

Fast forward, we did the paternity test, the results came out, the baby is his. I told him I wanted to keep my distance from him, I told him that I don't want to seem him any more after he betrayed me.

I filed for divorce a month ago. When he received the papers he blew up my phone. He said I was over reacting.

I want advice from other people who have been in similar situations. What should I do?

AITAH for filing for divorce

Quick edit: we arent white, just white coloured, English isn't my first language so am sorry for any grammar mistakes 😅

Update: ik it's only been 1hr but after reading the comments, there has been many misunderstandings which I want to clear .

For those who think she doesn't look like her dad, that is not true she has his hair, and ear shape other features which I don't want to say for safety

For the people who suggested couples counselling, I did suggest it before, when he distanced himself from me and Lucy. Also, in these months I've realised that there were many red flags that I didn't see in him, he wasn't supportive during my pregnancy, I understand it might have been due to work, but I already filed for divorce, for those who say I should wait. Hope this cleared the misunderstandings

My (25F) best friend (24F) Rainn is getting married in a few months. I’m really happy for her, but I’m having a major issue with the bridesmaid dresses.

The dress itself isn’t hideous, it’s just . . . unflattering. It’s a bright neon green, which wouldn't normally be a deal breaker, but it’s a halter top with a super low back. Now, I’m all for embracing my body, but I have pretty bad scoliosis and a prominent scar on my back from a childhood surgery. The low back would definitely show off both, and I’m not comfortable with that.

I talked to Rainn about it, suggesting maybe a shawl or finding a dress with a higher back. She shut me down completely. She said the dresses are “non-negotiable” and that “it’s her day.” I understand wanting everything to look perfect for her wedding, but I don’t feel comfortable feeling so exposed on such a big day.

I floated the idea of just opting out of being a bridesmaid altogether. Rainn got really upset and said it would be a huge betrayal. Now I feel stuck. I don’t want to be a bad friend, but I also don’t want to wear a dress that makes me feel self-conscious.  

AITA for refusing to wear the dress?