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I (28F) have been dating my boyfriend (28M) for almost 6 years with one year long breakup after an issue with infidelity on his end. I gave him another chance and things have been going great.

We had decided to take things slow when we got back together (a little over a year ago), so we didn’t move in together right away and a couple months before my lease was up we started looking for a place. I was slowly starting to move some of my stuff into his place as my lease will be up a couple weeks before his and we won’t be able to move into our new place until that time.

With summer basically already here, I was getting my winter stuff into the little bit of storage I could in his apartment and stumbled across a drawer with two pairs of my panties that had long gone missing.

For context, the drawer is one of those long and deep under the bed drawers. The panties were directly in front, you could see the red fabric clearly by only opening the drawer a couple of inches.

I asked him about it and he seemed embarrassed and said I had left them at his place when we broke up and that he would “use them” when he missed me or was “thinking” about me during his um…personal time.

I might be an absolute weirdo for this, but I thought that was kind of sweet so I told him to keep them. He had said he’s never done anything like that before and he was too embarrassed to tell me.

Fast forward to moving day. He had to work that morning, but we had almost everything already packed and ready to go, so I was just supposed to stay with the movers and unlock necessary doors and stuff. He said that when he got done with work he would deal with the bed frame thing since it was so bulky and required power tools to take apart.

Everything got moved much more quickly than anticipated (we were just moving across our small town), so I thought I’d start the process of moving the bed frame.

When I pulled out the drawers I found, in the very back, 10 pairs of women’s panties (not including the two of mine in front) and a uniquely patterned pair of bikini bottoms. I quickly put the drawers back and reverted to the original plan and waited for him to get done with work.

I have not brought up finding the full contents of the drawer, but did sort of revert to my old 2AM-mental instability-spiral routine of online stalking the girl he cheated on me with a few years ago and found a picture of her wearing the bikini bottoms. This was bad enough, but she was wearing them on a vacation that took place (or was at least posted) a weekend he was out of town for (what he told me was) work, and she has since then not worn them in two other bathing suit posts.

I have fully convinced myself that he’s cheated again despite only having a drawer of clothing items and an Instagram post that very well could have been posted long after the picture was taken.

No panties have been added to the collection, and I still haven’t said anything to him about it despite him asking multiple times if something is bothering me.

I guess I’m asking for advice on what I should do now

Edit for both context and a sort of update:

Her instagram post was captioned “over a year of being sunburnt” and was a kinda photo dump of multiple trips, with the time frame of our break up it’s a very real possibility that they were together while we weren’t and she is just now posting them (although it would have had to be literal days before we reconciled officially).

We live in a small town and my best friend is dating her (the girl my bf cheated with*****)’s brother, so I’ve enlisted her to dig for some info.

I’ve also taken photos and screenshots which I intend to print out, and write up a sort of script type thing or notes to confront him.

It’s not lost on me that this is at best incredibly creepy and dishonest, and at worst dangerous and perverted.

I have already started looking into alternative living arrangements (which is why I initially reached out to my best friend, and will be staying with her)

UPDATE: I didn’t expect this post to get as much attention as it has and I do really appreciate the different perspectives.

I did text him saying that I think we need some time apart, and am currently sitting on my friends couch.

I messaged the girl asking if she and I could talk, but have not gotten a response yet. Previously when he cheated, she was under the impression that he and I had broken up and I have never been rude or angry towards her as she was lied to in that situation as well.

I don’t see this relationship working out because either way he has lied to me. Whether he has a panty fetish, is cross dressing, or whatever else has been discussed in the comments; when confronted initially he said he had never done that before. Either he was honest then and has since acquired the panties (with or without physically cheating again), or he lied then and that wasn’t the first time.

I’m not really sure what my next steps will be, because we still have 11 months in this lease, but I will be talking with the property manager tomorrow.

I’m currently trying to figure out what the best course of action is as far as breaking up. Whether to have a conversation and laying it all out there, leaving him to figure out why I’m leaving on his own, or what.

I will say already did take mine back and tossed them in the dumpster. If I find out when she messages me back that he stole the bottoms from the other girl I feel it’s safe to assume he took them all without permission, and I will be discarding them.

Jordan brings such a light doomsday and imaginative side to the podcast. His tangents where he creates hypothetical and impossible scenarios is so fun. I like to do that a lot and it's nice to hear someone else go about it.

He's great at connecting dots that may not be obvious or what a typical liner thinking brain would do.

I will argue until my dying breath that the 'thank you very much' is a recording. My own conspiracy theory: he records 'breaks' with laughing n such for sure.

About two years ago, my wife's sister found a note on her car that said "I see you" with a smiley face while she was at the other guys house. She called me immediately because she wanted to inform me, as she and her husband are good friends of mine, and she was concerned about how he might react when he got home. At the time, my wife and I had just welcomed our first baby, so I didn’t want to add to her stress by bringing up this issue.

A few months later, after discussing the situation with my therapist, I felt it was important to tell him. However, the very next day, my sister-in-law announced her pregnancy. She assured everyone, including her parents who had also learned about the affair, that the baby was her husband’s. Given how excited he was about the new baby, I couldn't bring myself to break the news to him.

As time went on, things became even more complicated. My sister-in-law confided in my wife that she wasn't sure who the father was. Around the same time, I was diagnosed with a serious medical condition that required major surgery, causing me significant stress and migraines.

Now, two years later, the baby is one year old, and my sister-in-law has mentioned to her parents that he resembles her affair partner. This information weighs heavily on me, especially since I’m close friends with her husband—we game together nightly. Despite wanting to tell him many times, various circumstances have held me back: the birth of our new baby, my medical issues(brain surgery), their parents' house being destroyed by a tornado, and more.

I feel a strong moral obligation to tell him the truth but am also concerned about the potential fallout within my wife's family. She is a stay-at-home mom with no income, and the affair partner used to be a family friend, further complicating the situation.

I'm struggling with what to do. I don't want to start family drama, but I also don't want to keep this secret from my friend any longer. How should I handle this situation?

Edit: I did tell my wife immediately. The only reason she called me was to not stress out my wife and to potentially calm my BIL down cause she thought it was him. Someone put that note on her car while she was at the other guys house.

This is a sad story. It is not a silly one, as much as I want it to be.

A year ago a conflict occurred between my wife and I. Long story short, she has fallen out of love with me, and is in love with a different man.

The details of how we got to this point don't matter. It is what it is.

During the struggle to keep myself sane for my kids, I have been going through Fantasy High. It helped to distract me from the phantom limb feeling of losing something that was apart of me for so long.

There have been days, and still are, where I struggle not hurt myself. I don't really want to exist, and I'm sad all the time.

Over this period, Gilear has been a bit of a saving grace for me. He has struggled with his own heartbreak, and there is just so much sadness that was surrounding him. But still he persevered. Still he managed through what seemed like his own constant state of depression. FFS he clamped his own penis in Sin armor and yet he's still the man.

He lost his own love to someone else, but kept trudging through the shit. The love for his daughter always shining through.

I want that strength. I would like for my own children to be reason enough for me not to fantasize about putting a gun to my head, or walking up to the roof of my work and jumping. I need them to be, but it's so.... fucking hard.

It's so goddamn fucking hard.

I get why yogurt is his go-to.

Listening to Bill beg people to love Tatum is just starting to feel pathetic.