I am not The OOP, OOP is

My childhood bully has became my coworker and she's bullying me again

Originally posted to

Thanks to for suggesting this BoRU

TRIGGER WARNING: bullying, verbal abuse, workplace harassment

  May 18, 2024

When I(18F) was in fifth grade (age 10-11 for any non-Americans), there was these new twins who moved from the other side of the country to join my class. For some reason, these two kids did everything they could to make my life miserable. I think it's because I was socially unaware and a bit odd as a child, but I'm not sure. The boy twin was this very big kid who would regularly beat me up and the girl twin would humiliate and spread rumors about me. Of course, the teachers never did anything about it.

Luckily, these two went to different middle and high schools, so I wasn't bullied and I had a pleasant time in school after that. Most kids were not happy about going to middle school, but I was excited for them to stop torturing me. However, last month, I got a job at a new grocery store in my neighborhood. However, last week, the girl who bullied me got a job at the same grocery store.

At first, I thought "It's been seven years, she probably changed", but just now a few coworkers asked me "Did you really have sex with the manager so you could get hired here?" I shouted at them "NO!" and asked them where they heard that, and they said "The new girl told us"

I don't want to go through this again. I am genuinely considering switching jobs to get away from her. I feel so lost and helpless.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

thrwaway070879

HR is your friend in these situations. She's making it a hostile work environment. Get a notepad and write down every time with the date and time and what the incident was. Keep a record of it.

If you work at a small store with no HR then go to management but skip management if you have an HR go to HR first. 

I'm almost positive your manager doesn't want the reputation of being a sleaze and making 18 year olds sleep with him to get hired. If he's a decent person at least.

OOP

The store doesn't have an HR but I'll talk to my manager when I see him

  May 20, 2024

    The last few days have been pretty chaotic. First of all, I found out the new girl at my workplace, who was my childhood bully, was spreading another rumor, claiming that my boobs were fake. I took the advice of most of the people in the comments of my post, and sent an email to my manager, telling him about how she made up a rumor claiming that I slept with him to get hired. He responded, saying that this is a very serious issue and that he wants me to come into work tomorrow to get my side of the story, because my bully had a shift then. The manager came in, looking absolutely furious. My manager spoke with her, me and a few of my coworkers to see what was going on.

After my manager spoke with my bully, I saw her leaving. She came up to me, said "Fuck you, you tattletale slut" and left. I asked my manager what happened with her at the end of my shift. He said "I spoke with her about the bullshit she was spewing. She tried acting innocent, but everyone I asked said that she was the one who made that shit up. She's fired, we don't have to worry about her anymore." I was kind of hoping that she would throw a temper tantrum, but that didn't happen.    I finally stood up to her, thanks to the advice and words of support from Reddit. I'm pretty sure my past self, the little girl who had her backpack stuffed in a shit-filled toilet on her 11th birthday, would be so proud of me.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Little_Yesterday

Some people never really move past high school

OOP

Even worse, in her case, she bullied me when we were in fifth grade

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am not the OOP. The OOP is posting in

Concluded as per OOP

Content warning : racism

1 update - Medium

- 21st May 2024

- 23rd May 2024

AITAH for not wanting to attend my brother’s wedding after he made fun of my newborn

So my brother (32M) has always been rude to me (34M). When i first met my wife (33) 5 years ago, he started to be rude to her as well and made fun of her because shes not as educated as him. His fiancée came into the scene around a year ago and she was no different and made fun of my wife for not being as educated as them. It was a big issue, lot of fights in my family because of the things they said about my wife, and my parents told us to forgive them. Fine, we did.

Last week, my brother was again making fun of me while we were at a friends place. I let it slide and just laughed it off because I’m just used to it at this point. After a while, I had enough and made a comment about his appearance. He immediately became angry and started making fun of our newborn (2 months old) in front of everyone, including his fiancée. I lost it. I swore at him and yelled at him. One of our friends told him to apologize and of course he didnt. His fiancée didnt tell him to apologize or stop.

I told our parents that i have no interest in talking to him or his fiancee and that my wife, our baby and I are not attending the wedding. Now my parents are telling us to attend, what will people think if we arent there, etc. he still hasnt said sorry and instead is saying I’m at fault because I made fun of him.

So, would i be the asshole if we didnt attend the wedding?

Comments

Old_Web8071

Who gives a rat's ass what people will think if you don't attend? If anyone asks, tell them you were tired of his & his fiancé's abuse of your family.

ISRL_IS_COLONIALISM

"Yeah my brother is an asshole who made fun of my newborn child so I'm not coming to the wedding"

End of story.

PrideofCapetown

I’d announce this in a groupwide chat, that you’re not the least bit interested in supporting someone that bullies a newborn, or the people that expect you to grim and bear it.

He treated you like crap. He treated your wife like crap. Now he thinks treating your newborn like crap is fair game. The time to “let it slide and laugh it off” is over. It’s past time to make a hard boundary and enforce it. Go NC with him and your equally disgusting parents who are more concerned with appearances than the fact their golden child just bullied their newborn grandson. Take your time reestablishing contact once they prove they’ve changed their ways.

And block anyone else who tries to give you shit about this. They’re less important than your kid.

Maybe him and his fiancée plan to kick puppies on their honeymoon as a nice bonding activity?

**Judgement - NTA**

Update - 2 days later

For those of you saying this is a made up story, it is not made up. This really happened and I wish I were making it up.

We went over to my parents house last night. My brother was there as well. My parents start telling me to just move on and forget about it. That my brother has told them that he is sorry for what he said, and that he says he made a mistake. I told them how can I just forget about it? and if he was as remorseful as you guys are saying, then he could have apologized to my family and me, but he has not and it has been over a week at this point.

My brother says he made fun of my baby because I made fun of him. I tell him, I responded back to you, and even if I made fun of you first, your automatic response is to make fun of the baby, and not me? You think you're justified in making fun of my baby, for no reason? He literally says yes, he is justified. My parents didn't tell him to stop. I ask him so if I made fun of your baby when you have one, would that be right? Would I be justified? He doesn't answer. I ask him about this three more times, he doesn't respond. That let me know that no, if the roles were reversed, I wouldn't be justified.

Then my brother says that he will apologize to me, if I apologize to him first. My parents tell me to apologize to him. I told them why would I ever apologize for making fun of him with a comment about him, when he was making fun of me for hours, until I snapped and responded back, and his automatic response was not to make fun of me back, but to insult my newborn. I ask them to explain why they think I need to apologize to him first, when I don't think I'm in the wrong here.

They don't explain and instead start calling me a bastard, useless, etc. My mom is like families always fight, and they make up. I say, yes, families fight, siblings have arguments amongst themselves, but they don't stoop so low and start making fun of babies or children, for no reason at all. At this point I'm pissed. I tell them what kind of grandparents are you, that you are faulting me for sticking up for my baby and not tolerating him making fun of my baby.

I tell them, if you think I'm wrong for sticking up for my baby, then why don't you guys call dad's brother, and apologize to him? (Sidenote: few years ago, we found out dad's brother was spreading false rumours about my brother, and my parents haven't talked to him since). I tell them dad’s brother has emailed you, said sorry, that he was wrong, so why don't you guys call him, apologize and make up? Dad starts calling me an asshole, bastard, all kinds of names. I respond back, that I am just following your line of thought.

At this point, I knew this wasn't going to be resolved, so my wife and I left. My brother hasn't apologized and I will never apologize and that's where we stand now.

I still can't believe that I am being labelled at fault for this mess. How can I be at fault for not tolerating him making fun of my baby? How can I be at fault for not wanting to apologize to him? I don't think I owe him an apology. If he can dish it, then he should be able to take it. He shouldn't have responded with making fun of my baby and that too in front of multiple people. I never thought that my family would think its okay to make fun of a newborn.

Edit:

Wow just wow. “Dad” called, I answered. He asks if Im going to be at the wedding. Told him no, why would i go after everything. He says so you want everyone to know about this? I didnt respond. He then says to me “i hope you end up on the streets”. I say how can you say that and he responds with “yea i hope you end up in the streets.” And i respond wow youre really wishing your children end up in the streets? He says “yes because you are a bastard”. I hung up. This is just too much for me. I have no interest in talking to any of them.

Comments

NotDealingToday

The worst part is, your brother isn't the biggest issue in the situation. Your parents are enabling him to be an asshole, and when they hear the true story, ask you to apologise first. You stood your ground and didn't give them what they wanted. This will go one of two ways. They'll respect you more, and won't treat you as a pushover, or they won't talk to you. Either way I think you come out ahead. You don't want that type of toxicity around your newborn.

Side note: Nice work dad, sticking up for your child like that while staying calm, if anyone in my family made fun of one of my children, even at their ages now, I'd throw hands.

Ironmike11B

You need to consider cutting them all off. He is apparently the golden child of the family based on how your parents treat him vs how they treat you. You can throw reality in their face all day and they will still side with him.

Mobius_Stripping

nowhere have you said what any of this „,making fun of“ consists of though….

like there is a really big difference between saying your newborn is ugly, and, for example a racial slur…

OOP: Him and his fiancée have made fun of my wife in the past for being darker in color than them. He called my baby a darkie.

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

I am NOT OOP, OOP is

Originally posted to +

Previous , ,

[New Update] - My mum asked me to watch my siblings for a week. It’s been 9 weeks.

NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----

Editor’s Note: removed relevant comments from older posts to make more space for new updates here

Thank you to for letting me know about the new update!

Trigger Warnings: children neglect, abandonment, mentions of alcoholism, child abuse, child trauma

Mood Spoilers: frustrated, depressing, hopeful but crushing

RECAP

: February 21, 2024

My mum went out two days before christmas and then text me 12 hours later saying she would be gone for a week and for me to have the kids. She hasn’t come back since. So almost 9 weeks. I have heard from her 3 times total and she is saying she isn’t coming back any time soon, she just keeps sending money.

My siblings are 16, 13, 12, 9, and 7. I’m 19.

I’m surviving looking after the kids by myself and tbh not much has changed because I did most of it when my mum was here anyway. We live with our nan but she doesn’t help with them really either, and my older siblings are long moved out.

I guess my question is, is my mum being gone a serious issue legally and with social services? I don’t want to risk the kids going into care (been there done that when I was younger) so I haven’t told anyone that she’s gone. I’m scared of what will happen if people find out so I don’t want to even ask the question irl

: February 29, 2024

I spoke to my mum on the phone and told her i want her to give me custody of the kids since she is refusing to come back or say when she will be back and i’m done with her bullshit. We argued for like an hour but in the end she said she would do it after i told her I was going to call the police on her

Before speaking to her i spoke to a lawyer and i should be able to get legal guardianship through a parenting order which will go through court. My 22 year old brother said he will move home and help me under the condition that my mum doesnt move back as he refuses to be around her. His income and input will help a lot and he seems serious about wanting to be involved with parenting and taking care of the kids especially our little brother as he needs a male role model badly

If we cant get custody then my nan should be able to. Either way my mum is very unlikely to keep custody unless she suddenly decides she gives a shit (i would bet my life she will never give a flying fuck)

Getting legal custody is the outcome i want so I’m relieved it seems like a real possibility

Now i’m just trying doing a total overhaul of everything with the kids because i think they need a lot more structure, discipline, rules, routine than they have had until now. I have realised i dont really know anything about good parenting so i have a lot to learn. Maybe i will get some books. Until now our house has been more like a house share with everyone doing what they want and running around feral rather than anyone really guiding the kids. I grew up even more feral and i dont think its a good way to be raised. So i’m starting a bath and bedtime routine for the youngest two, and a curfew for the teenagers. Because rn the 12 year old goes off on his skateboard and will just show up again at like 10pm on a school night. I’ve also been giving them much better food than they usually have and its been rough to get them to eat healthy but we have made so much progress already.

Any advice on instilling rules would be welcome as I dont think it will be easy and i have never had any kind of actual parent role model in my life

EDITOR’S NOTE: OOP has appeared into the BoRU after it was posted. I have received her permission to share her comment

OOP:

thank you sm for all the helpful comments here and messages offering help/advice (i will reply to them all when i can)

Rn I’m putting all my energy into the new routine and trying to sort out legal guardianship so we can get money for the kids etc. Everything else is a problem for later on when we are more settled. My older brother came up last weekend and tbh it was nice but weird bc the younger kids dont even remember him and they pretty much clung to me for the entire time bc having a man in the house is strange for them. But after he left they said they miss him and liked having him here. He’s been sorting his shit out this week and is coming back tomorrow with all his stuff and will be working remote from our house. Me and him have spoken a lot and i think we will be able to get on the same page with the kids and make it work. I’m worried about some things with parenting differences but we will figure it out. I’m trying not to seem controlling but its hard to adjust to someone else being very involved when I have been looking after them by myself. I know I need him though.

My nan was actively trying to undermine me and we had an argument, then my brother got here and he had an argument with her in the first half hour. So she has gone to my aunts for a while. She is still paying the bills here but if she stops we will be ok with my brothers money and mine. My brother wants to take the kids and move house but I am not even thinking about that until everything else is sorted out

Now that things are actually changing our older sisters are more interested and have been messaging me so they might help as well

The kids are not taking the new routine too well but we are making progress so I’m trying to stick with it. I made a meal plan and have stuck to that all week. My 9 year old sister told me she likes rules which makes it feel worth it. The teenagers are kind of a nightmare but Im trying to persevere with them. 13 year old was being horrific and I lost my shit which made her have an emotional breakdown and now she’s been a lot better. 12 year old has taken it ok ish he just tells me I’m a loser all the time and asks for his skateboard back a million times a day but I know he knows where it is so he is being pretty good considering he could just take it back if he really wanted. 16 year old is hell. 7 year old has like 3 tantrums a day and wont eat or sleep so she stresses me out probably the most

my mum hasnt called anymore but is complying with giving us custody and told her friend its the best thing thats ever happened to her. I cba with her and if she tries to come back i will do everything i can to keep her away from the kids

: March 14, 2024

Hi! Not sure if doing multiple updates is ok but I have had a lot of messages since the BORU post and think it will be easier to update people who are interested like this as replying to all is hard

Thanks to advice here we have realised that getting kinship is a better choice for us financially than getting legal guardianship. This wasnt mentioned to us by the lawyer or social services so i’m so grateful for everyone here as we will have so much less financial stress on kinship and we will get access to a lot more services for the kids

Things are already seeming so much less scary. My brother has come home to help me and is working remotely for his same job which is ideal. He has been amazing at making it all happen so fast and packing up his life to move back. He is still back and forth at the moment but should be here full time besides a few days a month where he has to be there in person.

Our oldest sister has said she will send some money every month to help us but doesnt want to be involved other than that. I understand why and am very grateful she is helping. Honestly it hurts a bit that she refuses to talk about the kids or anything but she is doing what she can handle rn i guess. Our other sister is working fifo right now and has suggested coming back on her weeks off to help out but I’m not sure if that will actually happen or work well in reality. My brother doesnt get along with her very well and says he doesnt think living with her again will work

The kids are still struggling with the new rules and we have had some issues. 16 year old hates me so my brother is trying to take over with her bc I am bored of fighting with her

The others are doing better but still so difficult. 7 year old wont sleep which is the hardest thing right now bc then i cant sleep and I’m tired af. She has meltdowns when shes tired and shes always tired now so shes always having meltdowns. Idk what to do with her. Everything i try to make her sleep doesnt work that well. She says she doesnt know why she “cant” (wont) sleep so idk where to even start My brother tried to get her to bed and she just cried and screamed for me

12 year old is listening to our brother which is the best thing to ever happen because i was really worried about handling him since he listens to me NEVER.

13 and 9 year old are easier and not stressing me out too much

So we are kind of divide and conquer now. My brother handles 2 and I handle the other 3. I have found out I am very protective of the younger ones and find it very difficult to let my brother discipline them so it causes less problems between us if i deal with them

Still early days and hoping consistency will fix a lot of the smaller issues.

Long term we want to rent somewhere bigger as our nans house is very cramped and making things harder

This is long and messy, sorry!! Just wanted to update everyone who has asked and thank everyone again for the advice

: April 4, 2024

Back with another update for those who asked! Cant believe its been over 3 months now

We applied for kinship and have had the provisional approval and the home inspection and some interviews. We’ve got a couple more things to do/still ongoing and then we should be good! We got our first payment which has been SO GOOD and really made me feel much more optimistic about everything bc we will be able to actually do something other than just survive. The case worker pretty much told me they dont want to have to find placements for this many kids so us keeping them is their much preferred option which is reassuring

My mum hasnt contacted me for a while. We thought she might show up on easter bc holidays are usually her time to cry about how much she misses our dad, and she usually prefers to ruin everyones day with that. But she didnt come thank god. Our nan is still at our aunties bc she cant stand to be around us apparently. Bc me trying to feed them good food and not let a 7 year old disappear for hours on bicycles with kids 3+ years old than her is just me thinking im better than my nan!!!

A lot of people said to trying cosleep with 7yr old so i have started doing that. It’s helping a bit and she actually will lay down so thats a win but she still cries a lot and tries to get up. She also does a death grip on me so I have kind of accepted that i have to go to bed when she does. Its not the worst thing ever bc i have been looking things up and reading online whilst i lay with her when she eventually calms down.

I’ve ordered melatonin to try. I share a room with 16yr old and she doesnt want 7yr old in there but its kind of tough. I cant do anything about it until we can move house which isnt going to be soon. Its not the most peaceful night with her in there bc she kicks me and wakes up at random times trying to chat or crying but we are getting some sleep.

She slept in my single bed with me from 4 months old until she was like 2 (I clearly knew nothing about safe sleep but my mum had sold the crib to try to annoy my dad so she actually had no where else to sleep) and i havent told her that bc I dont want to tell her her mum didnt care that she didnt have a bed, but she seems to remember bc she said “we used to have sleepovers in your bed a lot didnt we”🥺 Also i got 16yr old earplugs and told her she can sleep in 7yr olds bed in the other room if she prefers

I do my best to try to soothe 7yr old in general. She had one of her crying breakdowns last week and said she didnt feel safe or happy. Then she said she wishes i was her real mummy. I told her I am her real mummy bc I’ve looked after her her whole life and I won’t ever leave her. She seems a bit happier since then. Im going to get a photo of us for her to have in her little purse she carries everywhere. She’s pretty sentimental so she will like that. Yesterday she asked me if me and our brother are married lol obviously I said no and she said “i just feel like you are my mum and dad”. I hope thats a good thing even if it is a little weird. She is definitely bonding with him too. She always wants me to carry her around and when I say no bc I’m busy, he offers to do it and she lets him now. She used to ignore him. Seeing her snuggle into his neck and actually relax is the cutest thing. Makes my heart happy bc I remember wishing I had a dad who would hold me and i’m so glad she is getting all the love❤️❤️❤️

Me and my brother have had a few disagreements over discipline. He is pretty strict and usually thats a good thing bc they need it tbh but sometimes I find it a bit much. Biggest disagreement was when he smacked 9yr old and I lost my shit. We grew up with a lot lot worse and ngl i have smacked them before but I dont want to be doing that anymore. Bro thinks there’s nothing wrong with 1 smack on the bum. I would just rather we dont go there. He said he wont do it again and i dont think he will. He wasn’t angry when he did it so im not really concerned about it and he apologised to 9yr old. We’re just still trying to figure out discipline. Our dad used an electric cord as a whip so one smack on the bum is practically gentle parenting to us. I have read enough to know we dont want to be doing any physical disciplining though

Worst thing ive had to do is give the youngest 2 suppositories. My sister gave me money to take them to the gp bc i was worried about them and couldnt find any for free and didnt want to wait for kinship. Turns out they are both malnourished underweight and constipated af. And they’ve missed some vaccines. For the constipation we tried medicine and more fibre and more water but no bueno so it had to be the suppositories bc the doctor said it was verging on severe. I tried to explain it to them and make the whole thing easy but it turned into quite the drama. 9yr old was easier but still took me a while. 7yr old was impossible and everyone got too stressed on day 1 so we left it and she was still not complying on day 2 so my brother had to get involved and pretty much had to hold her down. Bc I called the doctor and she said either we do it or i take her in and they do it. So we had no choice really and i still feel horrible about it. I’m obsessed with what they’re eating now bc I do not want anyone going through that again. But i will say they are a lot lot better since. They arent getting tummy aches and they arent so grouchy. And it has helped 7yr old with her sleep for sure

We are getting the other 3 to the doctor next week. We will do telehealth after but i want them to see someone in person for the first appointment. After that the next thing on the list is dentist. We have looked at therapy and should be getting telehealth sessions soon. So far all 3 teenagers have said they arent doing therapy but I will try to make them at least try it

16yr old is still difficult. She took my ID and she was going out whenever she liked. But my brother grounded her and she has actually listened and not tried to sneak out

The other 3 are doing ok. No big issues with them tbh they are adapting pretty well i think. I try to talk to them all about everything when i can and they all seem to understand whats going on and trust that we wont be going anywhere and we just need them to cooperate with us so we can get through. My little brother J(12) is obsesssed with older bro. I used to have an issue with J going out every evening for hours and was so stressed about trying to keep him home and safe but Matt being here has basically eliminated the issue. J just wants to be around him allll the time and Matt has somehow got this kid thinking doing homework with him is the BEST thing ever

Sorry this is so long again! Idk how long i will keep doing these updates but for now everyone is so incredibly helpful that i will carry on posting bc i always need more advice

The advice and support from everyone in the comments and pm has been amazing and has actually helped change our day to day life for the better so thank u sm internet strangers ❤️

: April 14, 2024

My previous posts explain eveything but short version is our mum left right before xmas and im now looking after my 5 younger siblings

16yr old has been a pain in the ass the whole time. So unhelpful, permanently grumpy and arguing about everything and winding up the younger ones just to be annoying. Basically making my life harder every chance she gets.

She got her phone confiscated today bc she was videoing our little sister having an emotional meltdown and laughing at her. Later on whilst I was putting the phone away I saw a message from our mum pop up saying some horrible shit. My mum hasnt messaged me in weeks and 16yr old hasnt mentioned messaging her at all so i was like wtf.

Took me a few attempts to get into her phone but i got in and saw sooo many messages. Mostly her begging our mum to come home and our mum either ignoring her or telling her to come to the city shes in rn. 16yr old sent her so many messages saying our younger siblings need her and our mum replied saying i think i know hwo to raise them better so she is leaving me to it since i dont want her here. Most recent one was 16yr old asking why she doesnt care about us and our mum basically saying she has better things to do than sit here and listen to us all tell her everything she is doing wrong all the time

I knew she was having a hard time but reading her messages to our mum has broken me and i just want to stop her hurting so much💔💔💔

She basically hates me right now so comforting her is very hard bc she will not open up even a bit and whenever i speak to her about it she acts like she doesnt care. Idk what to do or say to her😭

Meanwhile my older sister just calls me periodically to tell me she wishes she could help but she cant bc of a list of reasons including but not limited to her not being able to face being around our youngest sister bc our parents said she was her replacement and older sis cant get over it. Which is like, ok, but baby sis just turned 7 and big sis is almost 25… so at some point she needs to try get past that and realise its not the little ones fault. And big sis is struggling bc she feels like im her kid apparently and she wanted me to come live with her when i was younger but i ‘chose’ to stay here and ‘let my mum get away with not parenting’. But the alternative is my siblings being neglected and abused like we were. Anyway fr i dont have time to be dealing with her emotional issues on top of everyone elses. And she’s whining to me like oh i had to take time off work bc i’m having a hard time mentally. Which makes me feel soooo great when I am working my ass off to feed 5 kids and dealing with a million behavioural issues a day and dont have time to do anything

Before everyone starts shouting “therapy”… yeah its in the works. Trying to get telehealth arranged but its taking forever. We cant afford anything else so thats the best we have for now. Until then its good old fashioned just get on with it and try not to fuck the kids up anymore than they are already

----NEW UPDATE----

: May 20, 2024

Another update bc my inbox is still flooded and I cant reply to everyone so just going to say it all here for you guys and anyone else who wants to know. Been like 5 months now.. jfc

Firstly thank u for all the nice messages and offers of help and stuff. I really do appreciate it and sorry if i havent replied but i have had literally 100s of messages and its kind of overwhelming for me. I have read most of them and am still trying to reply to more but its a big job

Currently things are going ok. Big things that have happened/are happening-

My older sister (the second oldest) is coming to visit soon. The relationship between her and my older brother is kind of strained bc of some shit that happened when they were younger and the 3 older ones all lived together for a bit after leaving home. Honestly i think it was just a shit show having 3 damaged teenagers living together in a new place with no support. I dont have time to be the mediator though so just told them if they cant get along then my sister will need to leave bc the kids dont need any more drama and my brother needs to focus on being a parent. She’s coming bc she wants to, and she said she wont cause any drama she just wants to help. We’ll see how it goes anyway but Im lowkey dreading it. Last time I saw this sister was years ago though so i’m trying to not think she’s going to be the same as she was when she was a teenager

We have started planning to move to WA. My brother is desperate to get out of our town and not have to worry about our parents showing up (he gets a lot of anxiety about it, he doesnt like me being at home without him being here). His job will help him move over there and he has been set on it for a while now. We will be able to transfer over there even with the kids being on kinship care which is basically the only thing i was worried about. But thats confirmed we will be fine to do it so now i’m on board with it. Wont be any time soon but hopefully end of the year we can move

Financially we are doing pretty good. We have the kinship money, mine and my brothers wages and my older sisters have been sending money consistently. My brother is good with money and we are able to save some. I was able to buy the kids a small present each to cheer them up on mothers day. They have like barely any toys so the little ones are psyched to have some things to play with and have been being feral outdoors way less this week. They have been playing lego and barbies like normal children

7yr old sleeps so good when I give her melatonin. I dont do it every night but when I do its like a mini holiday. She sometimes wakes up mad but I can deal with that when I have actually slept. Other nights when she doesn’t have it I either keep her downstairs and hope she will fall asleep on me or my brother whilst watching TV, or I go through the emotional bedtime routine of her crying and saying she doesn’t want to go to bed whilst I read the same 3 stories until she chills out. She is doing better at school again now. It was pretty bad for a while (obviously bc she was permanently exhausted and surviving on literal air only bc the kid wouldnt sleep or eat).

Right now 9 and 13yr olds are doing the telehealth therapy sessions. 7yr old won’t speak to the therapist so she’s having indirect help through me. 12yr old hates it so my brother is trying to learn techniques to do with him to help him. 16yr old refuses which I was expecting anyway. Tried to force her to do it and that didnt go well. So again I just try to give her indirect help. I had some 1-1 time with her recently and she was different in a good way. She lets her guard down when the younger kids arent there. Like she can be vulnerable or whatever. She said “thank you for looking after us” to me on MD.

Havent seen any more messages on 16yr olds phone from our mum, she has completely stopped messaging any of us. The last thing she said to me was she doesnt know why I’m turning her kids against her. Kinda hilarious tbh but just proves she is deep in delulu land.

On mothers day 7 year old went outside 4 times before 8am to “make sure mum isnt coming down the road” and she has been crying about our dad, not sure why exactly, when I ask she just says shes worried about him. 9yr old gets annoyed with her and tells her to stop crying because our dad is a bad person. She is also very defensive of me and my brother and tries to police all the other kids and tells them to behave and be nice to us and dont argue/backchat/misbehave. I think she’s concerned we will get fed up and leave. Ofc i reassure her we wont and she doesnt need to tell the others off. Its kinda funny anyway tbh because she is no angel herself

Their diet is a lot better. We still have issues every meal of every day but overall its better and they are doing well with trying to eat new things. Years of ramen and chicken nuggets has obviously been horrible for our bodies. But they all have at least 1 fruit or veg a day and have real dinners. They like pasta bake so thats the new ramen around here. My brother cooks curry and tries to get them to eat it but that doesnt go down so well. They like when he makes chicken and potatoes. 7yr old likes Bluey pouches of vanilla custard and would eat those for every meal if i let her

My oldest sister is still a pain in the ass and wants to talk about our trauma all the time. She just has more time to dwell than i do. I have no time to dwell. I asked her to please not message me unless its positive or helpful. Her reply showed she really is just jealous that i am giving all my time and energy to the kids but i really dont have it in me to look after an adults emotional needs as well. She sees me as her kid and she wants to see me but doesnt want to see the younger ones. Like she asked me to come visit and leave them with my brother for a few days. Im not going to leave insecure kids who are permanently stressed that i will leave for good. Imagine how stressed they would be the whole time. She also thinks i am babying them. But im just treating them like children. Mostly its just annoying that she is like this but its also partly upsetting because tbh there is nothing i would love more than for her to meet and love 7 year old. For me it would be like my ‘mum’ meeting my child. Bc my oldest sister raised me when i was really young and 7yr old is the only one of the kids i have fully raised since she was a tiny baby and my mum told me she didnt want her

Anywayyyy i am trying not to get to caught up in everything with my older sister because i have enough going on with alll the kids.

My grandma is still at my aunts house and very unhelpful. But shes not bothering me much so thats ideal. She mentioned wanting my cousin to move in here because he got kicked out by his girlfriend and has no where to live. But fuck that fr. He’s a creep and a drug addict so no way is that happening. over my dead body

Okkkk this has taken me like 3 days to finish writing and i have probably forgotten some stuff but really just wanted to say thanks for the support and i’m not ignoring my messages i just am busy and overwhelmed

Relevant Comments

CultureNovel6746: You are an inspiration; it would have been so easy, in one sense, to walk away and live your own life away from all this. That you love your siblings enough to pour so much into them even when they're being difficult or horrible to you tells us a great deal about who you are.

It looks like one-on-one time, when you can afford to do it, is best with 16yr old. It would give her an opportunity to bond a bit with you as something other than an authority figure.

Is there anywhere your older sister could stay nearby when she visits? An old friend of hers or a current friend of yours? You are both apprehensive about this visit, she clearly cares about you and probably still sees you as the young person you were when she left. Some space might make it a bit easier and less likely to end in drama.

There's a community out here who cares for and about you; reach out if you need help.

All the best.

OOP: Thank u!! The sister thats coming to visit isnt my oldest sister, shes not the one causing all the drama. That one wont come visit bc she cant be around the kids apparently. It’s the second oldest thats coming. Theres not really anywhere else she can stay. We will see how it goes but i’m going to be really blunt with her about how things need to be and her and my brother need to forget their issues

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am not The OOP, OOP is

AITA for not knowing about my SIL's allergy and my husband's reaction in front of his family?

Originally posted to

TRIGGER WARNING: physical abuse, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, domestic violence

Thanks to for suggesting this BoRU

  May 18, 2024

My husband 36M and I 30F have been married for 6 years. We have two kids (4F/2M). I'm a SAHM now. We didn't discuss this before marriage but when I gave birth to our daughter I just couldn't manage working. taking care of our daughter. and doing all the house chores. There were times when I needed help at home but I felt like I couldn't ask for help because I wasn't bringing in any money. It was also very difficult for me to be financially dependent on my husband. I never asked for anything for "me" because he sometimes voiced how he felt a lot of pressure as the sole provider.

Fast forward to 3 days ago. His younger sister lives in another country and comes to town once or twice a year. last week she told him she would visit. My husband and I invited the family for dinner. We were all having a good time when my SIL started coughing and had trouble breathing. It was then I knew she was horribly allergic to peanuts (I later knew that she had gone into anaphylactic shock a few times before).

We all rushed to her side to help. I then got slapped on the face from behind (not so hard but it did sting) I was facing away from my husband so I didn't see it coming. I tried to explain that no one told me before (I had only seen her a few times after the wedding and never cooked for her). He was yelling at me the whole time I was trying to explain myself. When I told him that he knew I would be doing all the cooking for tonight then why didn't think of telling me about it. He pushed me down the couch and smacked me on the arms/back and the back of my head. His family rushed to us and stopped him. They checked if I was okay for a minute then went back to my SIL's side. His older brother stayed by my side to ensure I was okay and to see if I needed anything. After a few minutes my husband came back to the living room and acted like nothing happened.

My BIL asked him if he had told me about their sister's allergy before and he didn't answer. I told him I never knew about it until now. My in-laws checked on me one more time and then excused themselves. Only his older brother stayed with us.

He asked me if it was the first time my husband laid his hands on me. I couldn't answer with my husband sitting across from us. He suggested we take some time to process and think about what just happened. I left that night with my BIL and took my kids with me. I'm still with him and his wife (my family lives in another country). both my BIL and his wife suggest I stay until my husband realizes what he really did. My husband did apologize but said he panicked and was scared for his little sister (they are very close and growing up he was like a father to her) He kept repeating that if I cared enough about his family I would have asked him if anyone has any allergies since I was the one cooking for the night and he blamed me for his brother reaction.

I don't know where to go from here. I have no relatives in here to stay with until I sort everything out. I only have one friend and can't stay with her.

I grew up in a house where being grabbed by the face or arm was normal. But what happened that night was a little too much. I want my kids and I don't want to lose them over my decision. My husband suggested couples therapy yesterday. I'm thinking about getting a divorce or should I just let it slide and start therapy? I really have to think about it all because I know my family won't support me with my decision and I will be on my own.

Edit: My sister in law is okay. She's not angry with me for what happened. She even texted twice to check on me and the kids and apologized for not mentioning her allergy before (his family has always been good to me).

RELEVANT COMMENTS

DisillusionedCat

Well, definitely NTA

But this worries me:

"He asked me if it was the first time my husband laid his hands on me. I couldn't answer with my husband sitting across from us."

So this wasn't the first time, was it? Please consider if you can ever feel safe with your husband before you think about couples therapy or anything else.

I'm sorry this happened to you and wish you a lot of strength, OP.

OOP

it wasn't but he never slapped me before.

Thank you 🙏🏻

Aggravating_Style544

That means he is escalating.   It will only get worse.   He has isolated you from work and friends by making it impossible for you to leave the house.   Are your BIL and SIL able to help you find a safe way out?

~

Good_Focus2665

NTA. The fact that BIL is taking your side should tell you that you need to leave your husband. You will need to start preparing for single life. He was abusive before by putting so much pressure on you that you had to quit your job. He has slowly been escalating it and now it’s come to this. It’s not going to get better. You need to be strategic if you want to leave. 

OOP

I think I will just agree to couples therapy as a delay tactic until I get a job and try to plan my exit. I can't survive financially right now. Thank you 🙏🏻

trixxievon

Never take abusers to therapy. They only get better at hiding it because therapy teaches them how

OOP

I know but I need time. Right now I can't even support myself financially let alone two kids.

  May 20, 2024

I was hesitant about posting on Reddit at first but I decided to give as many details as possible and put myself out there to get outside insight and to make sure if I'm to blame for what happened to my SIL. Up until my post got a few comments I was still sure it was somehow my fault but I'm glad I posted about it here🙏🏻

Most of you suggested I stay with my brother in law. I couldn't bring myself to ask him for help (if I can stay with them until I sort everything out). Last night he asked me if it's okay to talk about it now. I told him some things because I couldn't lay it all out. I told him that it wasn't the first time and nothing was new to me that night except for the slap. I asked him if he can help me find a safe way out because I'm scared to go back and need help looking up for resources. Both him and his wife assured me that my kids and I are more than welcome to stay with them until I get back on my feet. They made it clear that they're willing to help us in any way possible. BIL said I have the right to decide what to do about it that he could even drive me to report my husband if that's what I want but just don't get him involved. I get it. I thanked them for everything and promised them to try and find a job asap.

He also mentioned that my MIL offered to pay 3 months' rent and childcare if I’m planning to leave but he thinks it’s better for me to stay with them for now and promised he will make sure my MIL follows through once I find a job because it will be more helpful then since it will be hard taking care of the kids and working.

He told me to never feel like I owe them something because I would've done the same for them (I met my husband through my BIL when I worked with him for 6 month) and that he doesn't want my children to grow up wondering why no one loved them enough to step up and help their mother. Or end up abused or being abusers in the future. His words made wonder If he referred to his own brother as an abuser then why am I still trying to look for ways to justify it or accept the blame.

Although I'm not planning to get the police involved but my BIL's wife is helping me document everything. She took pictures of the marks the moment we made it to their house. She's also helping me get him to admit to everything that happened that night and before. to this moment I have two texts and one recorded call (along with other pictures I took before). I don't know why I ever took them because I never planned on doing anything. She said even if I'm not planning to press charges now I could document everything just in case for later and citing safety would be enough reason for my delay.

As for my family I called my parents this morning and they weren't happy with what I told them. It's nothing I didn't expect. I knew they would not take a divorced daughter with two kids in. My cousin called me later and was so sad to hear about my situation and promised to send me some money to help. I'm not gonna lie. I never asked for help before but when she offered I found myself ready to accept. I really want to make things work for my kids. I don't want to lose them.

By the way both my BIL and his wife on top of letting me stay with them without any financial contribution. They do things. if I cook my BIL or his wife do the dishes (they both work and share the chores) yesterday I only did the laundry and some cleaning around the house and they insisted I do nothing for dinner. While I'm glad to have some time to rest throughout the day. I can't shake the feeling that I should do more since I'm not paying for anything.

I also want to mention that I'm planning to see a lawyer this week to understand my options and start the divorce process. I'm hoping this will help me take the right steps to ensure the safety and well being of my kids. I'm also planning to start looking for a job this week but I need to get my documents first.

I'm beyond thankful for everything my in laws doing for me but I'm still scared and I don't know what I'm even scared of precisely now that I decided I won't go back to him. But yesterday I couldn't close my eyes and get some sleep. Whenever I close them I imagine my kids getting hurt. And if I'm being honest I still feel like at some point I will mess everything up but I hope I don't. Thank you for taking the time to read my post and all the advice you gave me 🙏🏻

Edit: I'm sorry I just realized I've been referring to him as "my husband" instead of "soon to be ex-husband" I'm still adjusting.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

OMGoblin

Yeah talk to a lawyer, because child support and alimony are meant for cases like this.

IDK why you are so afraid of losing your kids, it's not going to happen. He's responsible for you and the kids, even if you divorce (until you get on your feet enough to be financially independent). This is assuming a country with decent marriage laws like most of the US has.

Anyways, you seem fine with being abused, but think of your children and grow a spine for them.

OOP

I'm not. Maybe it took me 3 years to realize it but I know better now and trying my best to ensure my kids safety and well being.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

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I am NOT the Original Poster. That is . He posted in .

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. See rule 7. This sub has a 7 day waiting period- ergo, the latest update is 7 days old and not newer.

Trigger Warnings: death of a child; drunk driving death

Mood Spoiler: incredibly sad but also sweet

Original : May 15, 2024

My son was smart. Smarter than me. I almost requested a paternity test because he was so damn intelligent. THAT IS A JOKE.

My ex and I divorced when he was about 12. She remarried when he was 14. I did when he was 16.

I had an RESP set up for him. That's a education fund in Canada. As long as he went for post secondary education he could use the money for anything.

I always told him that I was okay with him not going to university. That way I could use the money I had saved up for him to go to Belgium and buy some beer from monks that only allow you to buy one case.

He knew I was joking and he always played along. He wouldn't let me get his goat.

When he got accepted to McGill it was the proudest moment of my life. I took him out for a beer to celebrate his achievement and mourn the loss of my trip to Europe.

My son was struck and killed by a drunk driver in March. I'm dealing with it. My ex is dealing with it. My wife has been nothing but my rock in this. She is holding me up.

I was dealing with the funeral arrangements and everything when my ex came to talk to me about his money. She knew he had a scholarship and was just going to use the money for living expenses and an emergency fund. She asked me what I was going to do with it.

I said I was going to do what I always said I would. I was going to Europe to drink beer. She asked if she could have it for her step son. I thought about it and said no. Her husband is a decent enough person but he made it clear that he wasn't responsible for any expenses for my son. Beyond food and shelter and stuff obviously. Like I said he is decent.

I said I was not going to do that. I was going to go drink beer in my son's honour.

She says I'm wasting thousands of dollars. And I guess I am. I have to give back the government portion of the fund. But I don't care.

My ex thinks I'm being stupid and irresponsible wasting my son's money like this.

I don't care.

My son would laugh his ass off if he knew I actually did it.

Relevant Comments:

Commenter: Did your ex contribute to this fund? That’s important to know.

OOP: Not money. 

(to another commenter): I probably put in 95% of the principal. Not counting what the government put in. 

(to one more commenter): It was my folks, her parents, and cash birthday and Christmas gifts from when he was little. She never put in money. That doesn't in any way minimize the fact that without my ex our lifestyle would have been impossible. 

Commenter: NTA but Jesus Christ, I am so sorry.

Can you tell us more about your son? Share your favorite story about him, what he wanted to do for a job, your favorite activity together.

OOP: My son wanted study microbiology and immunology. He has thrown for a loop by the pandemic and he wanted to make sure it didn't happen again. He talked about a lot of stuff that went over my head. I'm a baker. I understand yeast. 

He loved the Habs. I would get us tickets at least once a year. (In response to "what are the Habs": Nickname for The Montreal Canadiens. The hockey team we cheer for.)

He loved kayaking with me. We are so close to so much water.

Commenter: Maybe it was all your yeast that inspired his passion for microbiology 😉

The thing I wish the most for you:

That this trip lets his memory brings more joy that he lived than sorrow that he’s gone.

OOP: I remember teaching him how to make his own sourdough starter. I still have his and I will use it forever I think.

Commenter: I dunno if your son would have liked Aussie beer but me and the boys on the line at work (restaurant kitchen) have cracked open Great Northerns in his honor. Your story deeply touched a group of Aussie chefs, we've all texted our dads. Enjoy your trip dude, sounds like it's definitely what your son would have wanted.

OOP: He enjoyed a Victoria Pale Bitter before. I did as well. 

Commenter: Nta but why is your ex wife not helping with the funeral arrangements? That’s her son too…and now shes here acting like a vulture. Block her and dont give a flying fish abt her. Her current husband didnt treat your son like family so why should you be his kid’s ATM?

OOP: No. Her husband is a decent person. He has his own son to look after. My son had two parents. My ex's husband is a good person that was never cruel or abusive towards my son. He and I had a good relationship. He is a good person. The reason I took care of the funeral arrangements is because my son lived with me to finish high school. I was responsible for him. We still lived in the Eastern Townships. My ex and her husband just moved to Montreal last year. He was going to live with them while he was in university. 

Commenter: From someone who lost her 15 yr old sister to a car accident this really tore me up way more than I thought it would. She was killed a month after her 15th birthday & had just been accepted to a private high school with a full ride scholarship she had been trying for. The acceptance letter sat on her vanity in her room for years after.

You are NTA if anything far from it…. the ex wife even asking is a huge one.

Please go to Europe & celebrate his life! It’s the only thing that should be done with that money.

If you have a Venmo/cashapp etc I would love to also buy you a beer.

I’m truly sorry for your loss.

OOP: Thanks for the offer. I'm going to update when I'm there. I would appreciate it if you had one with me instead. 

Editor's note: Most of OOP's comments are responding to people offering to meet up and/or helping plan the trip. It's a rather wholesome side to reddit.

He did have this exchange in response to being cautious on reddit:

Commenter: Dude, I don't want to sound callous, but never send money to people posting stories on these subs. Most of them are made up, and some are made up with the express intention of scamming people out of money.

OOP: I agree. That's why I thanked him and asked that he share one with me virtually when I'm there. 

OOP is voted NTA

Update : May 20, 2024 (5 days later)

Hi everyone. We are on our way to the airport and on our way to Barcelona. We will be going to be in Europe for a month. The visit to the monks at Westvleteren will be the last part of our trip. Two reasons. I don't want to lug beer bottles all over Spain, France, Belgium and Holland. Also I am putting it off for as long as I can.

For those of you that asked my son's name is Ryan. He was an amazing kid. I don't know if he got his love of the microscopic world from me. I did teach him how to make his own sourdough starter and I will be keeping his alive to make loaves and waffles with. His ashes are in our yard, on Mount Tremblant, on the shores of the St. Lawrence and I will be taking some to Belgium. My grandfathers have many friends buried there and I think they would approve.

I thank everyone that offered to buy me a beer. And while I appreciate the offer I'm pretty sure my liver, and my wife, would not have been happy with me. I will be with the monks on the week of June 23rd. If you would like to join me in a toast with your favorite drink of choice I would love that more. I love knowing that people all around the world know about my son and he would love knowing he was toasted in such a manner.

I spoke with my wife, my ex wife, her husband, and his son. I invited them to join us, at my expense, for the last week of my trip. My wife's stepson was friends with my son. I didn't know how close until we spoke. They are gaming buddies. They spoke almost every day playing online. He gave me a picture of my son I did not have. It is a picture of the two of them age about 14/15 at my ex wife's wedding to his father. My son looked great in his suit. I cried. He did too. We had a very awkward but heartfelt man hug. Then we laughed. They will be coming to say goodbye with us.

After talking to my accountant and my lawyer I was told that I could not have transferred him the value of the RESP. I have decided, after talking to my wife, that we are going to give him enough money to cover one year of tuition. Even after my trip we will have money left over. I'm trying to do some good with it. I also said that he could call us any time he needed since he will be attending school close to us. So funny he got accepted here and my son was accepted there.

I want to thank everyone who shared their condolences with me. I want to especially thank everyone that helped me plan my visit to Belgium. I know we won't see each other but you were invaluable.

I don't think I will have much to say after this. Maybe I will post an update after the trip.

Editor's note: I have a reminder on my calendar to toast to Ryan on June 23 if anyone else wants to join.

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is . She posted in

Do not comment on Original Posts. See rule 7. This sub has a 7 day waiting period, so the newest update is 7 days old.

Trigger Warning: verbal abuse; child neglect

Mood Spoiler: sad but hopeful

Original : May 17, 2024

I'm in a really tough spot and could use some perspective. I (28F) have been dating my boyfriend, Alex (31M), for about a year now. He’s been wonderful and supportive, especially through some difficult times. One of those difficult times involves my relationship with my older brother, Tom (33M).

Tom and I have always had a complicated relationship. Growing up, he was the golden child and I often felt like the family doormat. He would tease me mercilessly, make fun of my interests, and generally treat me like I was beneath him. Our parents rarely intervened, often brushing it off as typical sibling behavior or even enabling it by saying things like "boys will be boys" or "he's just joking, don’t be so sensitive."

This dynamic continued into adulthood. Tom still makes condescending comments, dismisses my achievements, and often expects me to drop everything to help him out, all without any gratitude or reciprocation. I've tried to talk to him about it before, but he just laughs it off or accuses me of overreacting.

For context, I work at a museum in our city, a job I’m really passionate about but Tom often belittles. He thinks it’s a waste of time and constantly tells me I could do something more “useful” with my life.

Last weekend, Alex and I were at a family gathering. Tom was in rare form, belittling me in front of everyone about my job. I was trying to brush it off as usual, but Alex wasn’t having it. He stepped in and told Tom to stop treating me like a doormat and to start respecting me as an equal.

Things escalated quickly. Tom got defensive and the situation turned into a heated argument. Alex called Tom out on all the times he’s treated me poorly and accused him of being a bully. Tom fired back, saying Alex didn’t know what he was talking about and should mind his own business. Our parents tried to diffuse the situation but ended up taking Tom's side, saying Alex was overstepping and causing unnecessary drama.

Now, Tom is furious with me. He says I should have stuck up for him and defended him against Alex. He claims that by not doing so, I’ve betrayed our family and humiliated him in front of everyone. My parents are also disappointed, feeling like I should have controlled the situation better.

Alex feels bad that things got so heated but stands by his actions, saying someone needed to finally call Tom out on his behavior. I’m torn. On one hand, I appreciate Alex standing up for me, but on the other hand, I feel guilty for not defending my brother in that moment.

AITA for not sticking up for my brother? Should I have done something to defuse this situation?

ETA: I wanted to add that part of why I didn’t defend Alex more strongly is because, whenever I did try to say something in his defense, my parents just bulldozed over me. Every time I tried to speak they'd yell over me, which brought back all the feelings of clamming up like I did when I was younger. It made me freeze up and just stand there, especially since it seemed to only make Tom even angrier. I felt trapped, not knowing how to diffuse the tension as it got worse and worse. I’m working on it but it's not easy, especially in situations like this. By the end of the entire thing I was just standing there crying and Alex took me to our car to go home. I've been fielding phone calls from my parents and brother since last weekend.

I know I'm not responding to people but I just posted this on a whim and just put it away.

ETA 2: Hi all, I just woke up to more comments. I'm just writing this edit to say I'm going to visit my Aunt Amy tonight to discuss what happened. She hosted the get-together and has always been someone I can turn to for help or advice when I need it. She and my uncle usually do step in to diffuse these situations when they're around but they were both in the kitchen when this happened. Aunt Amy understands the family dynamics better than anyone so I'm hoping she can give me some clarity.

Also, please stop DMing me saying that Alex should leave me. Alex has been incredibly supportive and we’re handling this together. I appreciate everyone’s concern and I understand people not liking that I froze but it's what happened. I love Alex, and he's been amazing for my self-confidence but I still struggle with it around my parents and brother.

OOP is voted NTA

Update : May 20, 2024 (3 days later)

Hi  again everyone,

I wanted to write a quick update now that Sunday is over. Original Post 

I ended up talking to my Aunt Amy and Uncle Joe last night when I went over for dinner as I mentioned. They have always been a safe haven for me, and it was really comforting to hear their perspective. Amy and Joe told me that my parents have always been wrong in how they treated me and that the way they let Tom belittle me is not okay. They said that whenever they tried to stand up for me, my parents would not let them see me and Tom.

One instance they brought up really hit home for me. I remember not getting to see Aunt Amy and Uncle Joe for a few months after my mom and Amy got into an argument. This happened after Tom ruined some of my favorite books, and Aunt Amy tried to defend me. She told my mom that it wasn't fair for Tom to face no consequences and that I deserved better. My mom got so furious at Amy's interference that she decided to cut off contact for a while. I think I was 7, I didn't fully understand why I suddenly couldn't visit them anymore, but I remember being upset and even more isolated.

Joe explained that this is why they always tried to take me on outings whenever they could. It was their way of giving me a break from the environment at home. It hit just seemed to hit me all at once while we were talking. They’re the ones who took me to the zoo, a movie, or just a walk in the park, all my happy memories as a kid were never with my parents. Honestly, they’re who I think of when I think of what a parent should be.

After our talk, I've decided to go no contact with my parents and Tom for the time being. I need to focus on what I want and what’s good for me. My aunt and uncle also promised they’d run interference for me so I don’t have to deal with them.

Also, Alex proposed to me yesterday morning. I honestly didn’t expect it, but I’m so happy. We’re going to be visiting his family over the long weekend to celebrate and my aunt and uncle are going to go with us. I don’t know what’s going to come of cutting my parents and brother out but I’m glad I’m doing it.

This will be the only update I give on this on Reddit. Anything else will remain between myself and my family.

I am NOT OOP. OOP is

Originally posted to

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[New Update]: I [30M] think my wife [29F] is in love with her female best friend.

NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ---

Trigger Warnings: infidelity, emotional manipulation, emotional abuse, mentions of homophobia, physical abuse, commenter abuse, victim blaming

RECAP

: November 9, 2023

I have been married with my wife for seven years and we meet eight years ago in a church meeting and we became friends.

My wife is a quiet, kind and beautiful woman, any man's dream therefore it was obvious that I fell for her instantly although she always behaved with what I thought was shyness, not wanting to cuddle with me or only kissing me on rare occasions we both were raised in Christian Families in a part of our country that is really religious, but unlike me, her parents were always the type who follows the Holy Doctrine really seriously so she has a traditional way of thinking about religion and how women should behave so I always tought that it was because of that her behavior is like that.

Sometimes I think she looks like a robot, she's nice and kind with everyone but a couple of times I saw her staying all quiet staring into space like if she was dead, over the years I began to take it as something normal on her personality because she always refused to go to the psychologist and always said that she's just like that, until two months ago when she found out that the woman who was her best friend in high school was coming back to the town, I never saw her so happy and alive. I felt happy for her, thinking that what she needed was a female friend.

My wife never used to leave the house but since that woman is staying in the town she has been going out as much posible, She became a different person but not in a bad way, but she looks full of life and to be honest I never saw her smile as much as when she tells me that she will go out with her friend for a coffee (for the record, I'm sure she's not sleeping with her because she doesn't know how to lie and her behavior with me never changed).

I'm not going to deny it, days ago I started to feel jealous of that woman, that she is the reason why my wife smiles so much and is on her phone all day, out of pure curiosity three days ago I entered her FB and some albums were public, she had a lot of álbumes and I found pictures of her and my wife during High school, that woman was hugging my wife as if they were a couple, in some of the photos they were holding hands or looking at each other with bright smiles which is something she never does with me.

Her family hates gay people although my wife never talked ill about them but just avoid talking about the topic wich now makes sense to me. I don't know whether to confront her because maybe I'm just thinking too much or maybe she's in love with her ¿ex-girlfriend?.

The only thing I'm sure of is that she only looks happy talking about that woman so I don't know what to do

Edit: I'm sorry if I write something wrong, English is not my first language.

Relevant Comments

yetagainitry: Yes she does love her friend, because she's her friend. All I saw in your post was a woman being excited that a close friend she hasn't seen in years is coming back, and that there was a picture of them hugging. I'm assuming all this paranoia is from your religious upbringing cause all i'm seeing is two women are friends.

If you should be asking anything it's why didn't you see the clear lonliness your wife was feeling before this friend came back into her life?

OP: I referred to the way they held hands especially because my wife and I never held hands, When we started dating every time I tried she told me to not hug her or hold her hands because "she doesn't like romantic things", I always respected her boundaries about that so I did get confused when I saw her in pictures like that with another person.

We do have a healthy relationship in feelings terms, when I notice she's off we talk although she never wanted to see a psychologist but she likes to talk about why she feels weird that day but but always ends up saying that that's her personality , we have been always close friends since we meet but it surprised me when I saw she actually likes being hugged by someone

Particular-Use-6913: I think that’s pretty odd. Surely at some point your paths would cross, even if you weren’t wondering.

Does your wife give an explanation as to why the friend wouldn’t care to? I don’t know many people who wouldn’t want to meet their best friend’s significant other.

OP: Same, that's why I feel it's odd My wife just says that her friend isn't interested in meeting me and closes the conversation, I feel that if I insist on asking the reason we would end up arguing and I always prefer to avoid that

I know her friend left the town to live in the capital and sometimes people become elitist after living there but that wouldn't make sense since I lived half my life in the capital and while my family is religious, I was never the strict religious type so I don't get why her friend doesn't want to meet me

Editor’s Note: The update was created in a separate post which was later deleted. OOP has posted the update under his original post

: November 9, 2023

Thanks for the advices in my previous post, although I got few replies everyone was very friendly.

I decided to confront my wife and ask about the photos with her friend during high school, everyone in the post said that they are most likely just friends and made my mind feel more in peace thinking that I was overthinking but when I showed her the photos she began to breathe fast in what I think was a panic attack, I helped her to calm but then she got upset because I sneaked in her friend FB, I knew she was trying to change the subject because she loves to do that so I got serious and told her to talk. After a few long minutes full of her trying to change the topic, she ended up telling me everything: Indeed, she and her friend used to be a couple during high school and friends since Kindergarten, they kept the relationship as a secret pretending to be only best friends until my wife's parents found out and beated her up separating them, her friend moved to the capital that year and they never saw each other again but for what my wife said and showed, they never stopped loving each other.

In some point of the conversation my wife stopped calling her friend by name and without realizing she started calling her "Mi amor" wich hurt me because in all years married she never called me like that, I asked her if she was cheating on me with her friend and said that they never kissed or anything but I'm sure she's emotionally cheating me (She doesn't know what's that concept so she really believes she's not doing anything wrong)

The reason why her friend never wanted to meet me or even go to our wedding is because she hates to see 'her' love married with a man she doesn't even like and living a lie, ouch. I asked my wife if she loves me and said yes but like a best friend, yes, my own wife just friendzoned me. She cried a lot saying that she's really sorry for lying to me, when we meet we really clicked as friends and she told me that her parents insisted her to marry me so she could 'heal', that explained why she never liked to hug, cuddle or do anything romantic with me; It wasn't because she was shy but because she didn't liked me.

I wanted to lose my temper and yell at her, I wanted to cry and even run away because I was patient and empathetic with all the times she rejected my affection and I felt alone, I've even been thinking for years that maybe I'm a bad husband and I was treating her badly without realizing it, feeling insecure about my own personality but she assured me that I was never the problem. I didn't cried or yell, I just left the house and came to my sister's house, we didn't talked about divorce or anything like that, I even think my wife doesn't see any problem with what she did with her friend but I'm sure that I don't want to spend all my life in a loveless marriage with a woman that will never love me back.

I'm sorry for the long post, I'm just venting at this point but I feel like I wasted all my youth, I didn't expected to update so fast but I needed to talk about that. It's not like I don't feel bad for her, I do, but now I feel even worse for myself.

Pd-I had to delete the first update because I had to edit some things.

Relevant Comments

AlpineJ: Has she tried contacting you since you left?

OP: No, not at all. But at least for today I don't want to talk with her neither

kingthunderflash: You need to divorce her and go completely NC. You deserve so much better than that toxic woman who has lied to your face for years. I’m sorry OP.

OP: I'm sure that I will divorce her although I still didn't tell her that because I want time alone. I feel empathy for her and always saw her as a kind woman but the fact that she used me totally changed my perception of her. Thanks for your words:)

: November 13, 2023

Maybe nobody remember my two first posts but I wanted to at least post a final update because I'm really thankful for all the kind comments and advices I received, they're helping me a lot.

I come back to my house the day after my last update and my ex-wife was there laying in the couch, the first thing I said when I entered was "We're going to divorce" Maybe that wasn't the best way of saying it but she have the habit of changing the topic when I want to talk about serious things so I didn't wanted her to do that this time.

She crearly didn't expected that and started to cry and have an anxiety attack saying that we can't divorce, that I can't do that to us but what hit me harder was "There's no point in us breaking up, the fact that I don't love you doesn't change anything" wich is true, I realized that our relationship was always like that, her treating me just like a friend and me accepting that kind of trait.

She said that she never cheated or anything like that even if I explained again what's "Emotional cheating", I told her that she's not even attracted to mans so there's no sense in staying married because we're just not for each other and asked her if she still loved that bestfriend and she didn't denied it but kept insisting that we shouldn't divorce. I can understand why she was so desesperate but it made me feel used, like if I was her pathetic beard who she can always use as a shield for herself or a dog who will always be happy with the smallest token of affection. I don't need her signature anyway to get a divorce so even if she doesn't want to, we're 100% going to break up.

I told her I'm not going to take her out of the closet but if anyone asks I'll just say the truth avoiding the sexuality topic because I don't want people gossiping and assuming things that didn't happened. The lands and basically all the things of the house are mine and maybe I'm an asshole for this but I told her that I will not give her anything because it's all mine and I inherited the land from my grandfather, at this point she just looked sad and defeated so didn't complained or anything (Although I will get advice from a lawyer to be sure). I told her that she can stay until december in the house and she answered that she will be probably have to come back to live with her parents wich actually made me feel bad because my ex-in-laws are not good people but for what she said, she's still talking with her bestfriend so luckily she's not alone, the conversation finished awkward with me just leaving.

For now I'm staying at my sister's house, I can have time for myself since she and my other sisters are out of the province for a concert, I didn't talked with my ex-wife after that day and she didn't tried to contact me but I know that she told my ex-in-laws about the divorce because they wanted to contact me to ask why we're divorcing but I just answered that "These are things that need to be resolved only between her and me".

So this will be probably my last update because i will go NC with my ex-wife after the divorce, we don't have childrens (Sometimes she started talks about having a baby and now I feel really relieved of always saying that I didn't felt ready, maybe something in me was already telling me that she wasn't for me) so we don't have anything that tie us together.

I have been going to the psychologist since I was a child so I think that has helped me a lot to channel my emotions, many in the comments said that I shouldn't have empathy or things like that for her but we're both broken people that suffers from a religious trauma and I know how bad that mess to people's mind and heart.

Some people in the coments where confused about why I stayed with her when she clearly didn't loved me romantically but I don't know, maybe I always justified her actions because somehow I felt identified with her, maybe I have a hero complex or maybe my sense of duty is too strong that I felt internally tied up with her and responsible of making her happy as her husband even if she always rejected my romantic love. I don't know, that's something I will talk and work with my Psychologist.

Also I received questions like why I married with her In the first place and she was the one who said "We should marry" And I was inmature and young at that time and because we got along well I tought it was a good idea.

For now I just want to divorce and then spend time with my family. In general I feel numb and weird, I haven't cried yet and in the session of yesterday my psychologist told me that he thinks I already grieve the relationship long time ago even if I didn't realized it. I don't feel like I lost a wife but like a lost a close and good friend and company, not a heartbreak pain but a betrayal pain. Anyways, I don't want anything to do with her anymore, maybe I'm being a bad person for abandoning her knowing the type of life she had but I can't save a person who doesn't want to be saved and I'm tired of trying. For now I will just say goodbye maybe not to a woman I saw as the love of my life but to a woman who helped me and was a good friend for years.

I'm really thankful about the kind comments people left (even some mean ones wich make me think that maybe I'm too quiet with how I reacted, that's something wrong? I was never the temperamental type), I'm sorry if the update is a boring one and not about me starting my villain era but that's not my style haha. Thanks everyone!

: November 30, 2023

Hello! It's been a while since I posted and sadly the mods deleted the two times I tried to post a final update, I don't know if someone is gonna read this but my sister (she knows about the reddit posts) showed me that someone posted the story on tiktok, sadly I read the comments and beside the account changed A LOT of things, I also read all kind of comments assuming things about me that are fake.

I want to clarify some things: 1-I never married her because I wanted a submissive woman, we were both like best friends... I don't know why I read comments saying that I wanted a housewife when I didn't, many times I offered her to work with me but she never wanted to look for a job or study something so I didn't insisted because we were doing well financially.

2- I wasn't going to "Open the relationship" for her, luckily I realized I deserve so much better, and to be honest? I already give up too much things for her to give up also my life. Maybe some people is okay with having a loveless marriage but not me, not anymore.

3- I read a lot the comments saying "He should help her, he should be generous with the divorce" But how do you help a person who doesn't want to be helped? I tried, for years to help her and now all I do is keep hearing about horrible things she did behind my back that I don't really want to talk about.

4- "She used you because she was afraid of coming out" I understand that, I do, but I deserved that? I deserved to be used? I deserved her to even use my money to buy things for her "bestfriend"? I don't think so. We live in an open country, even one of my sisters is lesbian and married and I know I would've helped my soon to be ex-wife in a past if she confessed that to me.

5- We married but she had countless opportunities to tell me the truth, she never cared to see me feel insecure about her, instead she kept insisting that we should have a baby, now I realized that she wanted that to make sure that if we divorced she would get something since she never worked or studied.

6- I found out her bestfriend have a wife and a baby so no, my ex-wife is not with her and the situation became even more messed up but honestly I don't want to get into that. My ex keep insisting that she never cheated on me with her physically so I think I believe her in that, at least.

7- I also suffer from religious trauma and a trauma doesn't makes you a bad person, that's something that's inside.

8- Nobody forced her to the marriage, in my country nobody does that. I asked her why she wanted to marry and she said that her parents told her that she needed to heal and she said I was "a good man for her", that's why she used to insist a lot in getting married.

So if anyone wants to know how everything ended; I'm getting divorced But it's a tedious and lengthy process, I'm keeping the house, the car, everything, I'm selfish? Maybe, but I wanted to think of myself once in a lifetime, working for those things is hard and I dedicated my life to building my house. Mi ex-wife is currently living with her brother, she never asked me how I was, neither when I left the house after finding the truth, but I did check if she was fine sending messages the first days asking how she was feeling, I suffered a mental breakdown a few days ago because she keeps sending me texts saying that we should comeback together, we should have a child (I never wanted to have a baby with her and she insisted a lot of times in that) and that "It doesn't matter that she doesn't love me, she never loved me and we lived well so I should go on with the marriage for her", it make me realize she's only trying to make me feel guilty So that just made me understand that for her I'm not even an human, maybe I'm not even a dog at her eyes so I just blocked her number. I understand she's anxious because she doesn't have anything but it's not like I've never told her to finish a career so to be honest I just give up on her, I'm too tired of this situation.

I don't really know what's she's going to do with her life but I don't care anymore, My psychologist made me realize all the narcissistic traits she has, I want to move on with my life because I deserve that and because I'm tired of being used.

So yeah, i don't know if someone is going to read this but I want to leave this post here because sadly people likes to distort the story

----NEW UPDATE----

: May 20, 2024

Hi, it's been a long time and my other posts here got deleted so I give up in trying to post a final update and forgot about this site but today I saw that someone posted it on a site and I think is good to post an update because. I saw that there are people who keep sending me private messages asking how I'm doing. (I deleted the first post to Edit a few things)

I'm finally divorced, I thought it would take at least eight months to complete but it was faster than I thought since in my country it takes the signature of only one person for the divorce to be completed. She started making things complicated for me when she realized that we were really going to part ways, she even made up that I had cheated on her when I had only said that we were going to divorce because of differences, that way no one would ask, not even her parents who now think that I'm the one who cheated but I don't care. But as I always say; I got tired of trying to understand her and her actions.

She started to bother me a lot, even coming to the house and I didn't wanted to deal with her anymore so I just gave her a few of the furniture and appliances in the house even though I paid for everything, it doesn't matter, she was a housewife so after all she deserves her share in the divorce and I know her, She would have kept insisting and I was so feeble-minded at that point that I just wanted to stop seeing her forever, to be free of her.

I guess she came out of the closet herself because now she's dating an older woman and living with her as far as I know, I don't know if she lied to me and I don't want to know it, I don't want to know if that woman is another lover she had, I don't want to know how much they know each other, I don't care, I don't want to hurt myself with that. It's her life so at least now she's being herself. My sisters wanted to go and beat her up when they found out but I told them not to go or she could take advantage of that. I found out about a lot of other things she did behind my back but I don't want to talk about it, just that I'm a big fool.

I hope she can finally be happy and stop using people for her own good, since I know she wasn't happy with me and I wish happiness for myself too.

About her best friend, I really have no idea what happened to her, my sister knows that woman's wife and to this day they upload photos together with the baby. My sister couldn't talk about it to that woman's wife because, well, she doesn't have any proof.

I've been feeling good, I'm not going to lie and say it's easy, I think people on Internet have more empathy for my ex than for me when I talk about this haha but I think now I don't care anymore and I rather this je that way because I reject being a victim, I have my family and friends being my biggest support. I used to hide a lot of things from my psychologist because I knew that he would tell me that those things are wrong and a big part of me didn't wanted to hear the truth but a few months ago I was totally honest with many things that happened in my marriage, he scolded me a little but has helped me to see all the abusive things that I suffered, even if it was not something physical I think that mentally they damaged me a lot. I'm not going to play the victim because I refused myself many times to get out of there and keep trying like a fool. I don't see myself as a victim, I've been a victim before and I don't want to feel that way again

I've been going out with my friends to clubs, having married so young I lost part of my youth because I had to work, study and keep a house so I've been really enjoying partying. Less than a month ago I started dating a girl, it's nothing serious but we enjoy each other's company. It's weird to be with a woman who makes me feel ¿appreciated? And she doesn't look at me with boredom when I talk, I'm really quiet (Some people called me sexist for saying that being quiet is a good thing, but I never saw it as a flaw) but she's too talktive so It's always good to have a talk with her. My ex-wife and I had almost no intimacy, I have a trauma and it was hard for me to feel comfortable being intimate and now looking back, I thought my ex just wanted to make me feel comfortable but now I see that she used my trauma as an excuse to not touch me. Every time I tried to get comfortable, she would just say, "You know? Let's stop this or you'll have nightmares later.", I was very stupid too to believe all that, she just didn't wanted to touch me. But thanks to this girl I've started to enjoy myself and feel comfortable.

Not many things happened honestly and I doubt many people would mind about this but I tought it doesn't demage me to post an update, after giving the appliances and furniture to my ex, she just totally stopped talking to me. I've been focusing on myself, I feel like I'm too young to be divorced anymore but I feel good, I feel like this has been my biggest sign to start again and I want to move forward for myself and my family. I think I learned a lot about this as painful as it still is.

Relevant Comments

Intelligent-Ad-4568: So she came out of the closest, is dating a new woman.... What happened with her parents? I thought they were homophobic? Did she move in with his woman?

OOP: I don't know what happened with her parents, I've always known them to be very closed-minded people but I don't know how they reacted. I don't know anything, only that now she has a girlfriend and they live together

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is

Originally posted to

My entitled mom wants me to pay my creep step-brother's student debt

Trigger Warnings: emotional abuse and manipulation, bullying, mentions of child neglect, verbal abuse, animal abuse, peeping tom, stalking, sexual abuse, pedophilia, death of a loved one

: May 11, 2024

I (29F) have an older Step-brother, Chris (42M) who has been a nightmare since the day my mom married his dad.

Let me give a bit of background: Our parents married when I was 4 and he was 17. Both our parents were widowed. After their wedding, we moved to the US since my mom had American citizenship through marriage. I was born in the US too, but after my dad died when I was 1, my mom and I moved back to Colombia. Step-dad got his residency through marriage and my step-brother because he was a minor.

My step-brother wasn't a big fan of me. My only memories of him are just constant bullying. He would be left in charge of me since he was studying locally and lived with my parents, but mostly his 'babysitting' really meant things like locking me in the guest bathroom or the shed outside. He would steal my lunchbox whenever he was the one who dropped me off at school. He even began to harm my pets. I have an old cat that has been with me for almost 22 years. He tried more than once to run her over with his car. My parents never believed any of it. He's the classic golden child. My mom absolutely wanted a son instead of a daughter, so my step-brother took priority over me.

The bullying just kept getting worse and creepier. He had this long key for the bathroom. The door was designed in case it got locked by accident, one could open them by inserting a long stick or key through a small hole on the outside. He would use it to walk in on me showering. My underwear would disappear sometimes and I know for a fact it was him. He also started taking pictures of me sleeping. One night I woke up to him taking care of himself next to me while I slept. I yelled obviously. My parents came over, but he wasn't in trouble. I was for 'tempting him'. I was 14 when this happened. He was 27.

No one helped me and he got bolder until he did something I am still in therapy for when I was 16. It got to a point where I called my biological half-older brother Sam(48M and son of my biological father's first wife) to see if I could live with him and his wife, Sandy, during my last two years of high school. When Sam found out what was going on, he confronted my mom. My mom didn't care and just told him to take me so long he never asked her for money. Done and done. My brother and his wife became my legal guardians and took me in with my cat and the old family dog since I didn't trust leaving any living creature with Chris around.

My parents never checked on me. My extended family from my father's side knew what happened and they immediately got together to ensure I could finish school well and go to college. I don't know my maternal family at all.

Thanks to my paternal family, including Sam's mother and her family, I got my bachelor's and master's, no student debt, and work as a nurse practitioner. I still live with Sam, his wife, and their two kids, and I pay a small rent. Neither Sam nor his wife expected me to pay anything, but that's the least I can do for the two people who have taken care of me for 13 years. For anyone wondering why I didn't move, it's incredibly expensive where I live and Sam insisted I stay with them until I save enough to buy my own home.

Things seemed okay until my mom messaged me recently. She had not messaged me since I was 18 when she told me she no longer had any responsibility to me. In this message, she sounded overly friendly, telling me how she missed me and asking how I was doing. I was a bit creeped out but decided to be nice, telling her about what I had done since leaving her care. She seemed very interested since apparently she knew I was a nurse, but not what kind I was. She began asking me about my salary. I didn't tell her anything about it, but that it was enough to pay the bills.

My mom then began texting about Chris and how he was barely making any money due to his student debt. Apparently, Chris never finished a degree, jumping from career to career. He is now working in my stepdad's used cars business as a salesman, but most of his pay went to pay the substantial student debt he got over the year.

I told my mom how sorry I was that Chris was having a hard time and wished him luck. That's when my mom finally got to what she wanted: She texted me I needed to pay his student debt so he could finally begin to 'make the money he deserves like the man of the family'. I just turned off my phone.

When I got home, Sam was surprised since I was usually the last to arrive. Sandy wasn't home yet. I told Sam what happened and showed him my mom's text messages. I don't think I've seen Sam this angry ever. He told me to block my mom, stepdad, and Chris if I had not done so yet.

After talking with Sam and Sandy, I called my boss to ask the next day and the one after off. This gave me a 4 day weekend including the days I'm normally off shift. My boss was more than okay with this and told me to just take it easy and let her know if she could help.

This backfired because the next day my mom and Chris decided to come to Sam's house to speak to me. I was alone since Sam and Sandy were at work, and the kids were at school. I immediately called Sam and told him what was going on. He told me not to open the door and that he was on his way.

My mom spent the whole time screaming that I 'owed them' for raising me and that my 'sweet brother' deserved the money. Chris was going around trying to find a window or door unlocked. There wasn't any since the windows have safety bars and the only other door is in the closed garage and one in the yard. The yard one was locked and just in case I locked the one in the garage.

I won't post what he called me when he saw me from one of the windows, but basically, he pretty much told me they should have thrown me away when I was a baby since I grew to be a 'b'. He pounded in one of the windows so hard, he actually cracked the glass.

Eventually, he gave up and went back to the front door, clearly trying to kick it down. I didn't have anything to worry about, the door was a security door, but I was still very scared. Between yelling, threatening, pleading, and insults, I finally heard Sam screaming to them to get lost.

I only saw things from the window; Sam pretty much dragged them both off the porch. They got to a point I couldn't hear, but I saw my mom and Chris pale and look scared before they pretty much ran to their car and drove off way past the legal speed limit.

Sam came in a bit after and immediately went full overprotective brother mode, asking me if I was okay. He kept saying sorry and hugging me. Sandy arrived almost immediately after and she looked like she was about to commit a felony.

Apparently, Sam threatened him with filing charges for what he did to me when I was 16. My brother's ace: my stepdad was willing to testify against his own son. That seemed enough to get Chris off our backs, but not my mom.

Since then, it's been 3 days, and my mom has sent texts, called non-stop with various numbers, and rallied a group of people who are supposedly my maternal family to harass me for money. She claims that money should legally be hers since she's my mother. That it's my late father's missed child support.

Sam is helping me find a lawyer to get a restraining order on my mom and I plan to take my step-dad's offer to testify by pressing charges against Chris. I can't say I can forgive him for not stopping his son, but I appreciate he's at least trying. I don't know the details, but Chris did something to a relative of his dad and since then they had a really bad fallout. I took my boss' offer and will be on vacation for a few more days.

But here it is. My vacation days are getting eaten up and my therapist might need a therapist after. Thankfully my dark sense of humor and supportive paternal family are keeping me somewhat sane.

Relevant Comments

United-Manner20: Change your phone number- it’s super easy. You can either do it from an app on your phone or call customer service to your phone provider. She can’t harass you if she doesn’t have your telephone number even if she calls from unknown numbers she’d have to know your number first.

OOP: It's something I plan to do, but I can't immediately. I use my phone for work.

DryBite9885: Love, take a breath. You’ve been through a lot in a very small amount of time. Breathe. I know you need it. I’m so sorry your own mother is doing this to you. It sounds like Sam and Sandy are helping you do everything correctly though. I’m so glad you have them to back you up.

: May 14, 2024

I didn't think I would be making an update so soon, but my mother is unrelenting.

To the people that were so kind and gave me advice earlier, thank you so much. It really helps to have people show kindness in difficult days. I follow with the advice to freeze my credit and I will be getting a new phone for personal use. Will have to keep my old phone for work for a little.

Now to update on the situation: We are going through with pressing charges and might do a civil lawsuit for two years of child support my mother owns. We are not sure yet of our chances on it, but my brother San wants to go scorch earth.

As for my mother, she began a new campaign. She's been posting about me false accusing my step-brother Chris of SA. She's been accussing me of being a 'temptress that tried for years to sleep with my brother' and even got a few relatives, who I just found out are my aunts, to join in saying they were witnesses. I never met these women in my life.

My step-father actually commented in her post saying my mom was lying and accusing his own son of being a p*do. That's how I found out what was the big fallout between them. Step-brother went after one of Step-father's nieces. I don't know the girl's age, but she has to be about my age if I'm thinking of the right person. If not, she's younger than me.

A lot of my biological father's relatives have also gone into social media to call out my mother, saying she had always claimed she was an orphan and had no family, while now she has three sisters.

It's a mess, I'm just watching for now and being a stay-at-home aunt. My nephews love it since we go out after they finish homework for crazy shenanigans. My boss has helped me with some paperwork for leave of absence and I should be off for about 6 weeks. After I'll be mostly working from home for a few weeks.

Not the greatest update, and to be sincere things are not fun. But its nice to spend time with the kiddos at least.

Also, forgot this: No, my mom is not likely sleeping or in a relationship with my stepbrother. Some people had mention this. My mom always wanted a son. I was a disappointment because I was born a girl. She treats my brother like he's her real son and I think she truly loves him as a mother. She made sure to tell me how disappointing it was for her when I was born.

Relevant Comments

gemmygem86: Screenshot all she says and save it

OOP: My brother got it. I have her blocked. I would post them, but there's a lot of personal information that will be hard to blur. She put the whole rant over a picture of us as a 'family'. So it would be hard to blur faces.

: May 17, 2024

I was recommended to post here but wasn't sure were to start. My mother was widowed when I was 1 years old. My biological father was much older than her, she was a second wife with 20+ age difference. After that she remarried her hometown sweetheart and adopted his 17-years-old son.

My dad was American, mom is Colombian. I was born in the US, then we moved for a few years back to Colombia, and we returned to the US when I was 4.

My whole life my mother constantly complained about the fact I was a girl. She would say things like: "If you were a boy, maybe we could have gotten more from you father' or 'girls are so useless'. All I was for her was the problem child. She took my inheritance and squandered it. Mostly on things for my step-brother.

Whenever she had guests, she would always introduce me and joke how I ruined her body and wasn't even worth it since I was a girl. Most her friends thought I had some kind of mental illness because of her lies about me being mentally 'behind' (she used the r word). She would often blame it on my gender, though. Saying because I was born a girl, I was clearly inferior.

During holidays, I would be left behind with a sitter. I was just too much of a 'problem child' and would ruin things for my 'sweet brother'. We only have one family picture from when I was 5.

If I got anything nice with my own money, my mother would take it from me if it was something like make up or clothes, saying I wasn't attractive enough or worthy enough to have such nice things. I should just stick with a plain face since it will make it easier for me to find a job when I was done with high school. She had no intentions of letting me go to college.

But the worst part is she never protected me. My stepbrother is a predator. At first he just bullied me. Stealing my food, locking me in dark places. When I hit puberty though, he began to do worst things. Walking on me when I showered, even if I locked the door, stealing my underwear, watching me sleep, and he even SAed me when I was 16 and he was 29.

My mother blamed it on me, saying I was tempting her poor sweet boy.

I was saved by my biological half-brother and his wife. They took me in at 16, finished raising me and put me through college with the help of my paternal family. Even my father's first wife pitched in and has always been kind to me. She's more a mother to me than my mother was.

Now I'm 29 years old, I have a good career as a nurse practioner and I'm saving to buy my own home. My mother found out about this and has been demanding I give her my money because she is my mother and my money should be hers. She also demands that I pay my abusive step-brother's student loans.

Since I refused to fall on my dear mother's demands, she has now gone online to post I am a 'temptress' that is trying to ruin her son's life and that I refuse to pay her back for all the care and love she gave me over the years. She even had some women that are supposedly my aunts join her in this. I never met any of my maternal family. As far as I knew, my mother was an orphan. Now I suddenly have three aunts that have seen how bad a person I am.

: May 20, 2024

So, this might be my last update on the mess with my mother and step-brother since we're finally starting the legal fights, but I finally had a good laugh.

In my previous posts, I haven't said a lot about my biological father. He died when I was one year old, so I never really met him. I have one picture of him holding me when I was an infant. I mostly know him from stories from his family. What I do know is he was a man of means. He had a lot of assets that he had carefully divided in his will. Not like so rich I'll never have to work type. Just rich enough that I would be able to live comfortable so long I worked and did right by my finances.

I was not aware he had made sure to leave me with anything. Neither did my half-brother Sam, his son with his first wife, I'm the daughter of an affair partner turned second wife. My understanding was that anything I inherited was wasted by my mother to buy things for her predator step-son Chris who she prefers to me. He was my abuser growing up. In her words: "Daughters don't need inheritance. Just marry a wealthy old man like me."

Well, since my mother and Chris have been harrassing me lately, we drove to my dad's lawyer to get some things we need from my dad's records for the lawsuit we are planning. He's a sweet older man, kinda looks like my dad a bit, and was my dad's best friend. When we met, he received me with a hug and told me how happy he was to finally meet with him. His wife was there too and she also gave me a big hug and told me we needed to have dinner at their place.

Once we all caught up, we found my mother had been faking receipts to get money from my trust. A lot of it. Some of it from when I was under Sam's guardianship. And she's not the executor of my trust, she had to provide receipts for anything. She's been sending receipts 'for me because I'm still in medical school'. I finished school in 2021.

Well, her meal ticket not only got torn, and now she's in big trouble. Because this is fraud and basically my hands are tied about pressing charges or not. She claims me as a dependant on her taxes, so my dad's lawyer would refund her for her expenses. He basically told me there's just no way we can keep this just in civil court. He had to contact IRS and the police. Doesn't help she's been using my social security number for some things she shouldn't. (Thank you for the people that advised me to freeze my credit. You guys saved me for sure.)

I probably won't be able to post for quite a while. And I'm going to be incredibly busy. I'm just mentally exhausted about how much has happened. I wouldn't have done anything about my mom using my trust if she had left me alone. I wouldn't even know about it because the trust is set for me to take over it with proof of marriage or graduating college. And since I didn't know about it, I never sent the required paperwork to take control. She could have milk it dry if she left me alone and just kept sending fake information.

I am in the process to get what's left of my trust. There's quite a bit in it and should be enough for me to get a house or condo if I mix it with my savings, and still have left over to invest or do other things safely. I might wait for a while to buy anything though. I don't know how safe it would be since my mom still has my social security number.

Relevant Comments

m2cwf: It doesn't sound like OP can drop any charges - mom didn't just defraud OP, she defrauded the IRS and the executor of the trust (or the trust itself, not sure if that's a thing), she committed identity theft. She's in trouble for sure, as OP says it's largely out of her hands and the big guns are going after mom now.

OP I hope she gets all the consequences she deserves, and you get all the justice that you deserve for dealing with all the mess and harassment!

OOP: You pretty much said almost word by word what was explained to me. I could drop the civil lawsuit, but I won't. The criminal stuff is out of my hands.

In the wise words of every person with two braincells to rub together: Don't f with the IRS.

Vegetable-Cod-2340: Honestly I’m a little surprised she hadn’t already used any of the money she already stole to pay off his student loans.

Op, I can only recommend that you use some of that money to outfit your new home with the top notch security system.

Once you have access to your trust , you’ve cut off her money and that matters more anything , it may tip her over the edge.

OOP: In part the reason why I plan to stick with living with my brother Sam until we have a better idea of what is t he safest way for me to move on.

SalisburyWitch: Question: is she a US citizen? Any legal problems could lead to deportation.

OOP: She is. I know my step-dad isn't. Not sure if my step-brother went for naturalization. He was a resident since he came to the US as a minor.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am not the OOP. The OOP is posting in

Concluded as per OOP

Thanks to for finding this BORU

1 update - Long

- 15th August 2023

- 24th October 2023

The title must fit the job

Ok, to start this I want to say I won't give out real names nor the name of the company as I have been treated very well and kept care of both in a wage sense and the ability to take care of my mental well being.

So I started here at the company I'm at about two years or a little less. I was just a lackey pulling decent hours doing manual labor and helping keep the pace on our receiving end with the boys over there and got quite close and friendly with that bunch of guys. We drove forklifts lift heavy things into storage bins and crates. Pretty easy but also tasking labor.

About 3 months in, I'm dragged into a meeting with my boss, his boss, and his boss. They ask if I'd like to learn more and get the opportunity to grow inside the company. I know that corporate jargon for growth and more money so obviously I said yes. Withing the next 2 months I was trained on every lift and operable machine we use. Another month after that and I was asked to take a promotion to the next pay grade and given a massive raise on top of it.

Now another month passes and I'm finally taken from the department that I started with the company and moved to a easier but faster moving one. Again I do my absolute best to be there and put in hella hours to show my gratefulness for the opportunity. We get caught up and stay caught up while I'm at the helm of this department and all of my bosses are grinding ear to ear looking at my work. I feel like I'm doing well and they eventually withing weeks ask me to take another promotion and pay grade bump for a different more demanding title.

Now we are where I am currently in the job I have now. At first getting a hang of the the timing and pace was very difficult. I was behind constantly and never able to clear my work completely out. Eventually a couple months in I find the rhythm and am able to clean all the work out and help other departments after I finish. Everyone is happy for like 4 months and things are only getting easier and easier for me.

So being caught up to present day, everyone that has come before me for this job has left or been let go. Nobody in my building let alone department knows anything about my job. I have asked over and over to train someone so when I take a vacation they can help but it all falls on deaf ears. My head boss left for another facility and probably better pay. And was replaced by someone new to the industry and completely unaware of the situation of things and how much or little work is needed where and when.

Last week Thursday I had 40+ hours in and was done with everything my department could do. New boss says everyone is mandatory for the coming Friday. I'm not hurt or dying because of it but I'm a little sad I can't hang out with family or my girlfriend because of the 5 hours minimum we work that next day. I show up, knowing my duties are already complete, I start working on the recieving center immediately to help them get caught up more and about 2-3 hours in I get called into the bosses office alone. He sits me down and tells me how much he loves my work and appreciates my time I spend to make sure we stay ahead. But now he starts in with "I would like to see you in your own department on Fridays rather than with your friends at receiving". I try to tell him that I'm done with everything I can possibly do for the week and that I am just lending a helpful hand but he is hearing none of it and immediately shuts me down. He tells me something I have heard over and over on this sub, and I quote "I don't want you doing work outside of your designated title. You're friends have their job and you have yours." Before leaving I asked for that in writing or an email knowing that leads and other employees were going to harp on me for sitting around all day and getting paid with my feet up. He obliged and I was sent back to my desk.

Friday came around and I sat at my desk and texted my family and girlfriend the entire shift. Nothing to do but catch up with people. Little needs to be said but they fell well behind at receiving and the last few days. We went from waiting for the next semi to being behind and having 6 trucks waiting on us to find space. And now I refused to move my feet if I was done. My job title was firm in its description and my boss wanted me to stay at my department with no exceptions.

Now the following Tuesday I have every lead and manager begging me to ignore the new hotshot and continue to help as they are missing 2 guys, 1 quit and 1 went to help his wife with their new baby. Leaving a sole guy up there at receiving by himself. I again just forward the email he sent me being as he is everyone's boss and continue to do my titles duties and nothing but my titles duties.

I should also state that I'm transferring departments soon anyways so I no longer care to help the current state of affairs they have found themselves in. Better boss, better time management and better overall situation. But I will for the next two weeks only do my titles job and that alone. Sorry for the wall of text. But I had to share because I'm giddy that it actually happened to me.

Comments

Ok_Art_1342

Alarms should have rung and red flags should have risen anytime someone ask you to put something you said into wording. lol

OOP: Idk if he knows in switching departments yet, rarely see the old fart the way it is.

ronhowie375

is it an old stale fart or an old rancid fart?

OOP: Honestly, no idea. Talked to him twice, and once was the whole don't work efficiently with other departments BS thing and the other time I met him and learned the guys name.

Por que no los dos?

Update - 2 months later

So, it's been a long time and I am astounded it took this long for everything to pile up end the way it did. Just like my first post I'm not sharing names of people nor the business as I get treated very well and respected as an individual so I will do my part and keep from name calling.

After I stopped helping other departments because my direct manager had written me an email telling me to only work on orders and transactions within my department, the other departments fell behind immediately. I'm talking about 12 hour days 5 days a week. And even then, they couldn't keep the work from piling up and drowning in parts and orders.

To be clear I'm one of about 4 people who has complete access to every part of our inventory and OP softwares. Making the other departments work easier for me to do and keep organized. Without the software each order takes up much more time.

Eventually the FACILITY OWNER had come in for a unexpected visit and was flustered by the lack of productivity in both other departments in the warehouse. I had just escaped to my new position which was more comfy and had less responsibilities. I was propositioned about returning to help the sinking ship that was my former job. I declined politely stating, "as long as (old fart manager) is still in that role, I choose to not return."

Another month or so of work goes by and reviews are had and all sunshine and rainbows for me. I even got to the support role with my new manager being his exclusive intelligence into the inventory software. As no one before me knew how to use it or how to complete OP stages or transfers. I got better pay than I already had, I was respected and made a ton of friends in the department that had my back 100%.

Sadly eventually it got the point where the warehouse was no longer delivering items to us or any other department because they were so heavily behind. They asked several times and I declined all of them as the manager had not changed. It got to the point where I worked 2 of my 10 hours a day and sat around talking the other 8 waiting for parts or tools to be brought by forklift. Which would either never show up or show up at the end of the day.

Then last Monday happened. I was called into a meeting along with all other people who had access to the inventory system and had been at this company for a while and they told everyone they were hiring temporary help for a while to fix the fuck up that had happened. They also explained that the manager that I had problems with decided to resign and they were going to fill his spot from within because they wanted someone that was intimate with the information.

They hired a guy I thought should have been the manager from the start and he made leaps and bounds in the warehouse and caught up within the week of being in the new position. Things were looking up finally.

He then called me into a meeting, and asked me to return to warehouse at double my current pay and I would be doing the same thing, but for the whole building. I would have a lot more on my plate but I would always be busy and work would feed itself to me through our software and I would work based on the orders fed directly to me. I accepted obviously. I no longer had to do an allotted amount of work for the day and helped the whole building whenever the order came through. It's been amazing.

I hope this wasn't too late to share the ending of what was a crazy couple months here.

Comments

just2quixotic

They also explained that the manager that I had problems with decided to resign

Translation: He fucked up everything sooooooo bad that he was told, we can fire you for cause and we will fight your unemployment claims, or you can 'resign' and save us the effort and paperwork & possibly severance depending on his contract.

SeanBZA

More like they told him either he resigns, or they fire him, and sue for the lost productivity they can directly prove was due to his actions, which would be easy from historical data and HR reports. Plus told him that a rough estimate they had, and that legal would add likely another $200k onto that.

just2quixotic

Next job interview:

either

"No, don't contact my previous employer. I don't want them to know I am looking."

Or

"I was the victim of discrimination!"

Or

"It was a mutual parting of ways, I felt stifled in that job. There was no room for me to grow or advance."

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

I want my coworker to stop giving me “psychic messages” from my dead family members

Originally posted to Ask A Manager

TRIGGER WARNING: death of loved ones, death of pets, harassment

  Sept 18, 2023

I’ve worked at my current company for six years. In that time, I befriended a coworker (Rebecca) who, to be honest, seemed very lonely but was sweet. We had some things in common and she sat with me at lunch sometimes. We’re completely remote now, but the two of us would still occasionally get together to go on shopping trips, ren faires, etc.

Eventually she became kind of pushy about wanting to be included in every outing I ever mentioned. I managed to always let her down gently, but it started to feel like I was the only person who ever wanted to hang out with her.

On our last outing, it was a decently long drive. Rebecca took up a large portion of the drive telling me about how she had gotten really into this one “psychic” on Tiktok who offers paid classes to “train your psychic abilities.” She went on and on about this, and asked if I would want messages from my mom, who died over a decade ago. I told her it was a sweet thought, but no thank you, because that’s really not my sort of thing. During this conversation, she also told me about how she was taking a ton of unpaid time off of work and became behind on many of her bills, some of which were possibly going to collections. But she was still taking Tiktok psychic classes. Being trapped in a car with her, it was way too awkward for me to really speak my mind about it. Plus, I felt like it wasn’t really my place.

This year has been very difficult for me in regards to loss. My grandmother, who I lived with, passed suddenly. Very recently I got a new puppy, who tragically passed in a horrible accident not even a week after I brought him home. It was extremely traumatic for me, but most people around me have been very caring and thoughtful in normal ways.

But … Rebecca. After my grandmother passed, she almost immediately sent me an unsolicited “message” from her, telling me how she was at peace, etc. I was freshly grieving, so I just told her thank you. A few months later, she sent me another “message” she’d received, telling me my grandmother is proud of me and other vague things. It was a random message out of nowhere after having not spoken in a while, so I just thanked her again and moved on with my day.

But then I went through losing my puppy. I received three separate messages from Rebecca, telling me, “He’s with your mom and grandma, they’re all happy and they love you.” This was less than 24 hours after losing him. Then, last night, she sent me another message giving details about how my dead family members are playing with my dead dog, and very specific behaviors my dog is doing, like spinning around and barking, and how my grandmother found it funny. I finally lost my patience. I thanked her for thinking of me and caring, but said I did not ask for messages from the great beyond and do not want to hear any more. She apologized but also sort of excused her behavior, saying she “doesn’t mean to upset me more” and that “sometimes I keep getting the messages over and over until I pass them on.” For the record, she met my grandmother maybe twice, briefly, and (obviously) never met my mom, or my puppy. And, shockingly, she never mentions any of my other passed family members or pets.

Is there a way I can shut her down more assertively if she tries this again, without saying something like, “Please stop pushing your Tiktok psychic scam crap on people who don’t ask for it”? I don’t want to completely cut off my relationship with her, though we’re not in the same department anymore. I also feel bad because she had come to my grandmother’s service to support me, which I appreciated it, but I also feel at this point she has way overstepped some boundaries. I tend to have a lot of trouble enforcing my boundaries without people taking it really poorly, so I’d love some kind of script for this!

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Commenter

This might be an unpopular comment, but I have a medium who I see fairly regularly. There is a whole opening/closing ritual that is part of every session and she would NEVER contact me out of the blue to tell me one of my dead relatives had contacted her. That just isn’t the way it works.

OOP

I have no issues with people doing these sorts of things for themselves! I enjoy tarot card readings and even got a psychic reading at a ren faire because the lady offered me a discount. They can be very spiritually helpful, especially in difficult times. But they’re supposed to be pretty personal and private things, right? The fact that I’ve been remotely open to this stuff before is probably what made her think I’d be ok with this giant unreasonable leap in Psychic Shenanigans…

  Sept 18, 2023

Hi everyone, OP here. Thank you all for your kind words and support. I was pretty sure I was in the right, but needed some reassurance/advice for any possible future… situations. The one commenter who called me out as a people pleaser, you’re definitely not off-base! It can come with a lifetime of being treated like a horrible rude monster for being like, “hey can we not discuss my severe phobia that will make me lose consciousness within seconds right now? please?”, lol. I’ve done a lot of “sacrificing my own wishes/well-being for the sake of helping out/being nice to other people” and it’s something I’m definitely working on.

Feeling “mean” toward people (enforcing boundaries I’ve clearly set or stepping back from friendships with people I don’t even particularly enjoy being around) still feels like my worst nightmare. But I’m getting better at realizing it’s not my job or responsibility to be friends with everyone just because they’ve enjoyed my existence in the past, or we have like 2 things in common.

  Dec 13, 2023

I’m the letter-writer who had a coworker who was giving unsolicited messages from dead family members and pets I’d only very recently lost.

I don’t have a very exciting update, but I guess that’s a good thing. Since I wrote in, I haven’t had any issues with Rebecca trying to send me messages from the spirit world against my will. She’s taken a step back and we’ve definitely gone back to more “work friend” stuff — like she very occasionally asks how I’m doing, and chats to me about video games she’s playing. I’m keeping my plans with friends off of public channels so she can’t insert herself into them.

This is a relief, because in my personal life, I had to have my other dog of 14 years put down last week. It wasn’t sudden and I was prepared, though of course it’s still very difficult. Rebecca hasn’t said anything to me other than offering me normal condolences.

Something I didn’t mention in my first letter is that, only two days after I tragically lost my puppy, I actually wound up finding another (of a different breed). He had already been picked out of his litter, but the woman who was supposed to take him had her horse suddenly die that morning, so she decided against it. Just an awful weekend for pets. Though of course I wasn’t at all trying to “replace” the dog I lost, having this little guy has been such a comfort for all I’ve been going through, especially after losing my other dog. We’re both doing great, and it seems life is finally calming down.

I know I posted in the comments of my original letter, but I want to just give another thank you to everyone for the support and kind words. I really do love the AAM community. I attached a pic of my puppy Sammie for everyone’s enjoyment, if that’s allowed! 

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am not OP. That is who posted to

Apr 26th, 2024

First of all I know I made I big mistake. I know I hurt her but hear me out and be honest with me if I still could fix what I've broken or not. I'm Russian so don't mind my English. I'm using a throwaway.

I 32M started to date 29F in 2021. We had a great relationship. She's calm, sweet and considerate. We dated for a year then moved to another city. Everything was going great. We made new friends and built a life there. Problems started when a male best friend of hers decided to move to the same city and found himself a place right across the street.

Things started to change. He would visit almost everyday, my ex was people pleaser. I tried to make it clear to her that it's getting annoying and that I don't like that guy but she couldn't bring herself to tell him or set some boundaries. He was handsy and flirty in a way I couldn't stand. She would hint that she's not comfortable and he would behave but 5 mins later he starts with his usual. And she end up telling me that he mean nothing and he's like this with everyone.

Fast forward to 2023. We found out she was pregnant. I was over the moon and both of us was extremely happy and excited. He stopped visiting and after like two months or so he moved back to his city. My ex and I had mutual friends. That's where one of our friends started connecting dots and started telling me how she had suspected something but kept quiet because she didn't want to be the reason a two people separate but can't hold this anymore. And played with my mind.

She said that my gf and her best friend probably had a thing going on based on the way they used to act whenever we were out with our friends. And how it's strange of him to leave just as she got pregnant. She suggested that I don’t put the baby on my name until a paternity test has been completed.

I told my gf about this and she didn't take it well. She broke up with me instantly and after a few weeks agreed to the paternity test thing, but she made it clear that nothing will change, that she will never forgive me and won't ever come back to me if I ever regret what I did and ask for forgiveness. I told her we could just forget about the test but she insisted. Our boy came few days ago and we did the test.

Yesterday I got the results. And yes, I feel my chest terribly tight with regret. I didn't drink or eat anything, I couldn't even bring myself to go to work today. What do I do now? When we broke up I never stopped helping throughout the pregnancy, she refused almost everything but still I was always there for her. Deep down I knew that baby was mine but the damage was done and I went with the plan. What to do now? How do I make it up to her? I know she would never come back to me. But how do I properly apologize? Just what to do now?

Edit: Alright thank you all for your opinions, I knew. And I know now what an ass'hole I am. I know I fucked up. But I never said I was planning to ask her to come back to me since I know I hurt her badly and in no place to ask such a thing. I also made it clear I had no problem with taking responsibility as a dad I don't know why i got called names about it in the comments. I'm happily ready to do everything in my power to be the best dad to my son and of course financially too. Also I did try to explain and genuinely apologize before even the test but she wouldn't listen. I'm ready and never gonna stop trying to apologize to her for the hurt I caused and I will always be there for the mother of my child. As for now. She just gave birth I won't add up with my problem. I will be there for her until I feel like it's a good time then I will ask to talk about it.

Edit: for people asking how did I brought up the test. We talked about it home. I asked if she still thinks that her best friend behavior is okay, she said yes. Then I tried to reason with her by asking her if it were the other way around would it be okay for her to see another girl being that flirty and handsy with me. then she say "you don't have a childhood friend that I knoew of". Then I went and told her if he's behavior is still okay for her then would it be okay for me to ask for a paternity test. She said if I don't want kids I should've told her before and that she have no problem to go back home (another city) and raise her baby alone. That's where I lost it and said something along the lines that she's going after her best friend and asked if this is was their plan(wrong of me I know). She broke up with me instantly. And just like I mentioned in the post. Few weeks later she called..

Last edit: the mutual friend is married. She didn't make a move or anything but she's an ex friend now.

For people asking what the male friend did to make me this insecure. Well whenever they're sitting beside each other he would keep running his hand up down her arm, ankle, or back (based on the way she's siting). He would compliment her body or when she change her hair color he would ask her to go back to whatever color he loved to see on her.. (he could be really just too comfortable with his female childhood friend but I thought he could at least behave a little now that she's in a serious relationship). Also some of you asking why I didn't talk the guy directly. I didn't want to make her feel like a controlling freak so I tried to communicate with her and let her handle it

-The way I handled the whole situation was wrong. When I accused her for planning to go back to her city town just to be close to him, was wrong of me too.

Added comments

OP

Thank you. Believe me I'm not trying to make her go back to me and I know I'm in no place to ask her such a thing after what happened and the hurt I caused her. All I'm trying to know is how to apologize to her for the paternity test part. Because this the only thing I'm sure of, I'm sure that I broke her heart by asking for a test while the baby is mine. As for other things, I regret them all but I feel like I had a reason.. as for now I'm trying to do just what you said, to be there for her and help with the baby and make sure she have everything she needs

Commenter

You should have manned up and told him to stay out of your gfs house

I can’t believe you let a guy be flirty with your gf in front of your eyes

Are you a man?

OP

If I told you I had to punch him one day and kick him out for getting handsy with her and she shrugged it off casually, you will also blame it on me and accuses me of having anger issues too, right? but now I'm not a man?. But before that I really made it clear that's her best friend's actions is too much. And all I got is "he's like this with everyone". What was I supposed to do? Strangle him so I can be a man enough?

May 4th, 2024

Thank you for your comments in here I did read some and also the private messages 🙏🏻

Just like some of you advised me. I decided to do my part as a dad and also take care of the mother of my child and never try to talk about anything for now. I work 8 hours a day, I go back home, take a shower and go to her mother's house to help with the baby until 12-01 Am then I go back home, rinse and repeat.

She's staying with her mom currently so I try my best to do my part, her mother always been good to me, even when we broke up she called me and asked if I'm okay.. so since she's helping with my son, I order dinner for them every day (I'm bad cook) and try to help around the house when my son and ex asleep. I buy things for him and made it clear that I'm more than happy to buy whatever they ask me to because I still don't know much about the whole situation. That's all I can do for now.

Three days ago her mother was showing me how to change his diaper properly. Which I nailed it. Anyway she went downstairs and was just me, my ex and our baby in the room now. She said "I'm sorry" almost like a whisper. I asked her what for and she said nothing. I didn't want to press the issue and changed the subject. Two days ago she was on her phone texting with someone. After a few minutes she told her mother that the best friend visiting tomorrow to see her and the baby. Then she turned to me and asked me if I'm okay with that, I said why wouldn't I be, then she said she just thought that I might not want him to see the baby. I told her it's her baby too why would that be a problem for me? Anyway yesterday I was at work when my ex texted me asking if I can stop by one of her favorite places and bring her a steak, I said of course. (the place close to my work and I used to buy her food on my way back home often). When I made it to her mother's house I saw the best friend car parked. I'm not gonna lie I really didn't want to see him and if not for the food I wouldn't have went in because part of me was afraid of what I might see.

Well her mother was happy to see me but more happy than usual if that makes sense. My ex and her best friend were sitting beside each other on the couch. He said hi and kept scrolling on his phone, I handed her the food and went on with my routine with my son. But I couldn't help but notice how he kept his hands to himself. How he didn't throw inappropriate comments. They talked and laughed and everything just like before but without being handsy and flirty. I was getting ready to leave when my ex's mother said I look tired and can stay for the night if I want to. I didn't cause it will be hard for me to go back to my place in the morning to get ready for work.

I can't stop thinking about what could she have meant by "I'm sorry". Why did she ask me If I was okay with her best friend visiting? I'm trying my best to forget about what happened and focus on co-parenting amd nothing else but can't seem to stop thinking about things.

Anyway I just felt like getting it off my chest and giving an update.

Thank you to the ones that gave advice without being rude about it.

May 8th, 2024

The day after I posted an update, I was on my way home when I got a call from my ex's mother, she told me to not order or bring anything for dinner and she seemed a little off. Anyway when I made it to her mother's house, my ex was breastfeeding so I went to help her mother set the table. Both my ex and her mother didn't talk at all and you could feel that something wasn't right.

Her mother started a conversation about fatherhood and said something along the lines of "you're a good dad yourself, I wouldn't have dreamed of a better dad to my grandchild" my ex mumbled "Yeah wait until he disappear before his son even turns 1 year" (like my father did) I felt myself shaking with rage, her mother snapped at her instantly. I said nothing as the baby was in the same room and didn't want to wake him up with raised voices, I quietly left.

Before I even made it home she blew up my phone with texts and missed calls. She was begging me to answer her call. I did. She apologized for bringing up my father and said she was angry at herself for everything and instead of trying to fix things she just made it even worse. She then said that she can't say this face to face and asked if I can just listen to her without cutting her off until she finishes. She apologized about how she didn't stop her best friend from ruining our relationship and that she now realizes how wrong the way both of them used to act. I Didn't say anything I just kept listening to her.

She also mentioned that her mother made her realize how the flirting and touching were too much for any man in his right mind to accept. She talked and talked and I listened until she got everything out and asked her the question that been eating me up because I really needed closure to put everything behind. I asked her if anything happened between them when we were still together, she said no but the night he came to see the baby he admitted to having feelings for her which made her realize that the way he was handsy and flirty with her wasn't innocent.

I went the next day to see my son, I had a conversation with her mother about everything, she advised me to not let anything get into the way of my relationship with my son, I reassured her that my son well-being all I care about and nothing can affect the way I care about him. She also apologized for what he daughter said and validated my feelings. Later my ex asked if both of us could start therapy to work out everything properly for the sake of our son so we co-parent the best way we can. She looked more relaxed and herself for the first time after everything and apologized again for bringing up my father and how she hate herself for it.

That's all I don't think there will be any more updates. This it for me, both of us decided to do what best for our son.

For people advising me in the last post, I already went the legal route to get my legal rights to my child, I just forgot to mention it.

I will delete the posts and my account this week I just wanted to let you know how things went since I already shared my problem with you. Thank you for your opinions especially the ones that tried to see things from my perspective and tried to be kind to me.

Edit: she dropped her friend that what she said when she was talking about when he admitted to having feelings for her.

Added Comments

Commenter

Are you still hoping to get back together or just coparent ?

OP

I don't think I want to go through something like this again. Then again bringing up my father while she knows how hard opening up was for me but I did it for her was something I never expected of her, I'm nothing like him.

Commenter

I'm usually very generous and understanding when it comes to women and how some of them are mistreated. However, no way would I side with your Ex or give her sympathy. Yes, there are AHs who ask paternity out of nowhere but that wasn't the case. Another man was flirty with her and your ex invalidated your feelings when you brought out the boundary-crossing. You even tried to reverse the roles, and she further dismissed your opinions. Because I know, if the roles were reversed, no woman's alarm bells wouldn't go off. You had every right to question her and the paternity. Even if she has problems establishing boundaries, she shouldn't have blown you off when you were adult enough to bring out the issue before asking for paternity.

And now look, you were right along to suspect her friend and even she regrets it. Her own mother sides with you. I'm sorry that you had to go through your ex's fool-hardy attitude and while I'm not sure if you two will get back together, I do sincerely wish you'd meet a woman who doesn't dismiss your concerns like she did. Or deflect to insult you, after discovering, she was wrong. Because often, if the genders were reversed, we'd be calling the ex a shitty man; through and through. All the best!

OP

You will get downvoted for this but I respect you for being honest with your opinion. What most people would not understand. I genuinely apologized many times for my mistakes but no matter what I'm wrong here. She dismiss my concerns and I'm wrong. I give her the space she asked and I'm wrong. She tells me about how her best friend admitted to having feelings for her, she try to hurt me by bringing my father up and still I'm wrong for everything.

I am not the original poster. Please don't contact or comment on linked posts

The Context:

is a sub “to discuss whether the people you post are, or have been, on some sort of juicy substance or not” — with “juicy substance” in this context meaning steroids.

Things do not go entirely how OOP hopes, with him engaging in multiple slapfights, a flood of “juicy”’s, and a bunch of Bible quotes for good measure.

The Drama:

OOP shows an angle of his back and another is not impressed:

Why, because I’m not fucking flapping my arms out like a chicken? I’m just showing my traps my shrugging up my arms lmao.

No because you are simply not flexing your back. My god you take everything to heart do you?

I’m not flexing it in a bodybuilding pose but it is most certainly a light flex. How can a normal picture of my back be the worst way to show it off? Sorry I’m not in a bodybuilding posing room under optimal conditions.

I was trying to be nice with you but you acting all smartass and butthurt about not being a bodybuilder really proves my point that you take everything to heart and have a very fragile ego.

I dont know whats so fucking hard to understand here. You are not fucking flexing your back and especially not "your traps". If anything the only thing you are flexing is your rhomboid minor and major by retracting your scapular but those two muscles are not "your back" by definition and definitely not a reason to call your back your "strong suit".

Also thats not a "normal picture of your back" its a forced ass pose to make your lats look bigger than they are by tilting your upper body. A "normal picture" as you call it would be you simply standing in front of the camera with a relaxed back and even that would be a better way to show off than the pictures you linked.

Get your head outta your ass man

[Continued:]

The second pic is pretty relaxed and from a straight on angle, I’m just shrugging my shoulders, so I really don’t see what your point is.

My point is that you are posting to a sub which has the sole purpose of analysing your physique, say back is your strong suit to a guy that says you have no lats and then try to prove your point with pictures that make it impossible to assess what your back development looks like. And then you start being all smartass about your pose without actually knowing what you are flexing e.g. "I am showing my traps by shrugging up my arms" while you neither actually shrug nor flex your traps.

Its fine if you dont know anatomy and just lift for fun but then dont come up to someone who does talking bullshit like "sorry I'm not in a bodybuilding showroom under perfect conditions" like that has anything to do with anything I said.

I'll end this conversation here and leave you with your "normal pictures" that nobody can actually get an accurate representation about your back development from because you made very clear that you dont have a fucking clue about what you are doing. Have a great day

The same argument could be used in your own frontal progress picture. How come you didn’t share a picture from the front instead of having your torso twisted. See? Same shit. Now stop being mean.

Thats absolutely different because I didnt post that shit in the fucking natty or not subreddit. I was simply showing off my weight gains and not actually wanting anyone to analyse my physique. You are comparing apples with pears here. But thats fine if you dont wanna read more than 2 sentences, explains a lot honestly.

What does me not wanting to read your 5 paragraph long rant explain, exactly?

[Continued:]

If you cant read something for 30 seconds you probably also cant read about proper training which explains why you took 5+ years for this mid-ass physique and keep acting butthurt about anyone saying you have small arms, lats or that your physique is attainable in under 3 years with a bit of calisthenics.

There you go, I spelled it out for you wether you wanna hear it or not

I love reading and probably am more versed in literature than you, but a good author is key ;)

Bro said mid ass physique while looking like a sac of potatoes. Maximum copium 😭😭😭😅

My brother in Christ, in 2 whole years you put on 5kg of muscle and 15kg of fat.. and you’re insulting my physique. Ain’t no way…. Go to therapy or to the optometrist.

[…]

Like be so for real this is the most hypocritical shit ever, you’re quite literally doing the same shit in your OWN frontal progress picture. 💀

[…]

Dude, my head is not in my ass. It was you who literally came in this thread talking shit about a simple back picture, and then say my ego is hurt. Okayyyy mane

Edit: and no, you were not trying to be nice… 🤦🏻

Another expresses dismay:

Oh wait, never mind, you said this dude’s traps were weird, I am not taking you seriously 💀

Sorry, I didn't think it was you. It wasn't meant to be an insult.

The reason I said that is when I am that lean, I am usually starving. Your shoulders look depleted of glycogen. Genuine opinion, not trying to be cruel.

Don't say shit online that you wouldn't say to someone's face. Your last comment very much falls into that.

Don't say shit online that you wouldn't say to someone's face. Your last comment very much falls into that.

[Continued:]

If im not going to say anything online that I wouldn't do in person I might as well go do it in person.

Ephesians 4:29 (NIV):

• ⁠"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." • ⁠This verse emphasizes using speech that is constructive and beneficial to others, avoiding harmful or corrupt language.

‘I would be sad if that was my body’ very useful for building others up. Don’t waffle pish.

Ephesians 4:29 (NIV):

• ⁠"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." • ⁠This verse emphasizes using speech that is constructive and beneficial to others, avoiding harmful or corrupt language.

Right? What point are you trying to make? That telling someone you would be sad if you had their body is meant to benefit the person you said it too? That’s a load of pish and you know it.

it wasnt meant to be an insult, just an observation. Its not like the word 'sad' is incredibly offensive or a foul mouthed swear word in every context. You look it as an insult and thus didn't see what was being said.

[Continued:]

Not a particularly pleasant observation though is it? It doesn’t matter if sad as a standalone word is offensive or not. Quoting the bible means shit all when the words you used were the opposite of your own explanations of that passage.

It was unwholesome. It was not beneficial, or helpful and did not build anyone up.

Not really, he look emaciated. From my experience being emaciated, I feel sad.

He doesn’t look emaciated he looks like an endurance athlete.

Just stop dude. You fired out a judgemental comment, as we all do, and instead of owning it you doubled down and started firing out shit from the bible and waffling nonsense.

Ephesians 4:29 (NIV):

• ⁠"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

Christ, you’re an insufferable bellend with no ability to self reflect. I’m out.

[Continued:]

Disrespectful Speech:Ephesians 4:29: "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."Colossians 4:6: "Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone."Proverbs 15:1: "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."

[…]

Endurance athletes often look emaciated. Endurance sports create muscle loss and glycogen loss. That is my point, when I do those things, i feel miserable.

Not everyone is built the same, I’m sorry endurance sports were too much

we mostly are built the same though, most people's genetics are incredibly similar.

Yes we both have human skeletons

Do you think that is all?

[Continued:]

How do these look like someone’s emaciated legs to you? Are you trolling, blind, or something else?

Maybe people arent looking at how tall u r but at ur giant ego.

Its. Common for people to think no one likes them becayse theyarent attractive or successful enough but most of the time they don't like them because they're self centered individyals who can't see past themselves.

How can I hide my “ego” when simply existing? Again I’m starting to think this is personal with you because all you’ve done is initiate this conversation by saying you’d be sad if you “looked like me”(please try it would be good for your health), and then say I look starved and small when I would mog your ass 💀 you’re just saying shit as other users have mentioned here and then you try to turn it around on me.

Again, touch grass get some sun my guy.

[…]

Full extension of elbow in the down movement, elbows tucked in, no move in hips or back whatsoever, no shoulder movement either. Just a raw curl. If you wanna get good at those you need to master your pull ups first. I can do an unbelievable amount of muscle ups pull ups explosive pull ups, L holds, etc. now stop trolling please

Prideful wrath

Pathetic coping

Prideful wrath

Okey buddy I’m gonna sleep tomorrow I have a really long run in the mountains. Good luck brother

Liar and a mocker

It’s like you’re holding a mirror holy shit

A mod chimes in:

Yes I am an endurance runner and 6’4 thank you for proving my point. Go read this comment thread and see how there’s retards saying roids.

But come on, saying no arms or chest is a joke 😭💔

The no arms or shoulders thing i said compared to someone that takes gear i didnt mean it in a offensive way, obviously you're 1 billion times better than the average person but that would apply to all of us gymrats. Im just saying you would be way bigger than that with gear

Thank you brother I misinterpreted your comment. And yeah you’re totally right, it’s kinda crazy how this subreddit is plagued with what seems to be kids that have no concept of what is naturally attainable.

I remember being on Reddit like in 2018 and this sub didn’t have as many dumb*sses

[Continued:]

[Mod:]

this sub was much more level headed

The sub has notified me that you may be disrespecting. Are you disrespecting the sub as a whole?

To go further, the reason I keep coming back to this sub is because, ultimately it has good content, good discussions, and humor too. On a weekly basis I laugh my ass off at a comment in this sub lmao, and I even remember interacting with you (I remember your username) like a decade ago and it’s always been interesting. So no, I’m not dissing the sub but there’s some pussies here.

People put on their detective hats:

Not fucking chance you think he’s on something his skin looks fine

And you think every juicer is not so keep defending.

Also, plastic skin always tells.

And your latest insult is just classy juicy. That "Is just TRT bro!" is affecting your mood. XD

Please keep defending your kind.

I haven’t never once said I’m on TRT tf

Pretty sure you did juicy.

[Continued:]

Show my proof I’ve claimed I was on TRT and I’ll cashapp you $50 I was blasting like a man

It was a while ago when you said something like "Don't be ignorant, TRT is not going to hurt me". Don't need to search for it.

Also, don't need your poor $50. XD

I said “don’t be ignorant a little test isn’t gonna put me in a early grave” and btw true trt actually is healthy

So you admit it then.

Not going to take your $50 away juicy don't worry. (Also, you are doing more than that, that's juicer code for "I'm blasting shit").

I was 500mg of test stupid fuck which isn’t trt

[Continued:]

You are doing more... XD

Caught me red handed I was on 2grams of test plus 600mg of tren with 150mg of Anavar

Neato, check your health.

I should huh bp is 175/100 and my resting hr is 115 but the gains are fucking sick brah

[…]

Dude, when the skin starts to look plastique-y is when the doubt starts. XD

Also, the insecurity doesn't help.

Okay bro I give up you’re beyond help.

Ok bro, check your health.

Post your physique friend. This dude isn’t juicy, just hard work by the looks of it.

Don't need to do shit because I'm not a juiced douchebag looking for validation.

Also, my skin looks normal. XD

[Continued:]

How long have you been working out?

More than you most certainly.

If that’s true that’s quite sad honestly

Nah, because I don't make my skin look like a plastic figure. XD

OOP starts fighting with others over his arms:

My arm is quite thick for my height actually , I curl a lot with good form too. I’m just 6’4 and it’s hard to make your long arms look full

Oh nvm you are pretty tall,1,5 year is not enough then

Bro by the way you should me making these assumptions based on personal evidence and experience, not the stuff you see online. I hope you have been lifting for 5+ years to say things like that

Dude because in the picture your arm look thin,no lat visible on the front,ok chest and thats all,it pretty reasonable if you ask me

[Continued:]

So you confirm my point that you’re talking about how to build a physique when you haven’t built it yourself. Your opinion is invalid

Why your ego hurt so much dude

My ego is not hurt, my patience is however, because you’re just another dude who hasn’t been working out for that long, talking off his ass, your arm is probably half fat - feel free to prove otherwise, no shame in it.

How can you say my ego is hurt when you just literally commented the silliest shit, saying this is a 1.5y physique when you probably haven’t been training for that long yourself.

Well i just compare your arm your shoulder your delt to your phone,i know you purely post this here to get some compliments because i know damn well no one will think that a not natty physique,you literally cant handle a comment from internet and im not saying your physique is bad or anything but you keep coming back

Instagram scientist.

[Continued:]

I just measured my arm, it’s 18 inches 💀 and I’m close to 10% bf. Now think…. 🧐

Wow dude good job,do you want a cookie or sum?,dude just prove that his ego hurt so much he keep coming back even though I already stop replying

So you’re making baseless and false statements and say my ego is hurt when I just simply prove you wrong?

I rate you base off the picture,and base off the picture you look bellow 180lbs,you dont provide any stat like arm measurement,height,time frame of training…,”baseless” you provide nothing but a fucking picture

And sure i would look up “statements” of a complete fucking stranger on the internet

Okay man you win this argument. This is a 1,5y physique, you’re right. Or maybe your perception of fitness is just skewed to manlets.. :)

The Flairs:

I am not the OOP. The OOP is posting in

Concluded as per OOP

Thanks to for finding this BORU

1 update - Medium

- 13th April 2023

- 30th June 2023

Neighbour & his friends kept stealing my packages so I got them arrested and evicted

I had a problem neighbour for so many years.

He’d terrorise the area, he was a drug addict and dealer (which is his business, but don’t make it my issue), thus we always had unsavoury people popping up, breaking into houses/cars, stealing packages etc. I know it’s to do with him because he had previously admitted that it was his friends doing it and I’ve seen CCTV from other neighbours showing his friends damaging cars etc.

He’s stolen bank cards that came in the mail, makes the most obnoxious amount of noise that wakes me up and his friends/fiends almost always ring my bell in the dead of night, around 2/3AM. I’ve shouted at them so many times and have argued with him too.

My neighbour has also been in prison multiple times for various things, including very serious crimes, so he would do well to keep his head low as a free man, you’d think.

We live in an house converted into apartments, where there are 4 apartments and a main area downstairs to walk through/where Mail goes. He’s always leaves the main door open, which id ask him not to, so his friends can come and go. Sometimes they’d kick the door down and trash the area.

Whenever I’d get a package & I wasn’t home, the shitty couriers would leave the package unattended in the front garden or the main area outside my door, despite me instructing them not to. My package would be stolen by my neighbour/his friends in SECONDS. This went on for years and when confronted, he’d deny it but I knew it was him (other 2 apartments are old people who I am friendly with who also dislike him).

The issue is I never had any proof. I once called the police after he wrote a note to me apologising for his friend stealing my package, but that went nowhere.

This time I wasn’t going to let my over £250 worth of stolen packages go amiss. I put up a camera in the main area. I saved the boxes from some other packages and placed an apple and some plastic bags in there for weight, set them outside, and within 5 minutes they were stolen by his friend who hadn’t seen the camera. Gotcha!

I called the police (who commended me on my set up skills) and they came over, but by the time they did the guy had left the building (with packed bags that were definitely filled with drugs to sell). They told me they’d look out for him.

A few weeks after, I get a call from the police about it. I also tell them I’m absolutely certain he sells class A drugs and has been terrorising the area. They tell me they’d pay me a visit.

5 days go by and at 7AM I get a call from the same officer asking me to open the door quickly and quietly. I do, and she tells me to go inside, but not before I see about 15 plain clothed officers hiding behind a wall. I look through the peephole and they all storm inside, boot down his door and arrest everyone inside (it was basically a crackhouse) as well as seize BOXES of drugs.

This was all caught on the camera I bought, so I sent the footage to the landlord. The police also gets in touch with the landlord, and thus my neighbour is evicted on top of it.

This was a month ago. None of his mail has been picked up, and I’m getting a lot of joy out of this.

Moral of the story? Keep your hands to yourself.

Comments

Zoehpaloozah

Some people are jut dumb. We have a guy in my street who sells drugs, but he refuses to touch things like Meth or heroin etc. He deals weed, MDMA and small amounts of coke I believe. But he is adamant on not disturbing the rest of the street, we’ve heard him telling off customers for blocking driveways and so on, and outside of his ‘work’ he does a lot of good neighbour shit. Like in winter he’ll shovel snow for his neighbours, he’ll take in parcels and come around to drop them off once he notices people have returned home, he likes working on his car and I know he’s helped out two older residents in the street with some engine work for free to save them a trip to a garage. It’s like, we know he’s doing illegal stuff, but he’s a damn decent neighbour and the street pretty much has an attitude of not reporting him when he isn’t bothering them yaknow? And it’s working cause the guys been there for like 10+ years lol.

Chris__P_Bacon

I'd have no problem at all with that guy. He seems like a fairly conscientious fella.

draeden11

Man knows how to run a home business!

unabsolute

I'd invite him over for a BBQ

**Judgement - NTA**

Update - 5 days later

I previously posted about my neighbour who kept stealing my packages, so I set him up.

Well, turns out he currently has cancer and has between 2 weeks to 3 months to live.

Our housing officer came over to tell us (quite jovially) that just as he had a court date set to evict him officially, he received the news that he is dying.

Apparently it all happened pretty fast. He was undiagnosed while living here. My guess is that the copious amounts of hard drugs took a toll on his body.

So that’s the end of that! I do feel for his family. But other than that…

ETA: I’m not saying the drugs caused the cancer!!! I’m saying that his drug use weakened his body to a point where the cancer could move aggressively and quickly.

Comments

lianavan

Cancer doesn't automatically make you a saint.

Tots2Hots

Getting evicted from life as well.

EzAwnDown

Off to "package thief heaven."

OOP: AKA an urn if he’s lucky. He’s also killed someone lol. NoHeaven4U

Editor's note - there was a deleted third post which is not recoverable

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

Banned 2 years ago due to violating the Reddit rules.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is posting in

Ongoing as per OOP

1 update - Short

- 23rd May 2024

- 25th May 2024

AITAH for refusing to let my 20 year old daughter have her car back after she drove drunk?

Two days ago, my 20 yr old daughter drove drunk to get herself some food. I was working in the backyard and thought she was inside watching golf with her dad. When I realized she had driven after drinking that afternoon, I immediately got in my car, picked her up, and drove her home.

She is supposed to be returning to college any day now to start an internship there and I am adamant that she cannot have the car anymore until she earns my trust back. She can fly back to college and once there take lyft, ubers, public transportation, whatever, just not her car, which is actually NOT HER CAR AS IT WAS PURCHASED FOR HER BY HER DAD.

Problem is that her dad disagrees with me and wants her to have the car back. This is the same guy who called her while she was out driving drunk and all he did was tell her to "get home safely". He'd been drinking that afternoon and was also in no condition to drive.

She says she doesn't really remember what she said in the car after I picked her up, further indication as to her level of intoxication. AITAH for fighting her dad to not let her take her car back to college after this?

Comments

NillaGorillaaa

NTA, your husband is enabling some horrible decisions here

OOP: 100% agree

-GreyWalker-

A coworker is out because a drunk driver just killed her god son, his wife, and their 1 year old child. I really don't have anything else to add other than I hope you stop your kid from killing someone.

mustang19671967

Really your husband thinks it’s ok to give your daughter her car back after showing she will Drive drunk tonget food let alone parties every weekend at school. I would also make her take one of the courses the courts make drunk drivers take . Husband is a jack off and my guess at that age was driving drunk

OOP: Agreed. And and he still does at age 58. In fact, he's golfing tonight with his golf buddies and, more often than not, he drives home drunk. No wonder where my daughter gets it. For this and many other reasons, I'm done with this marriage.

mustang19671967

I’m Not the best dad, I stopped drink 27 years ago, wasn’t a Problem . Only drank with friends but never had a drink and drove . My one daughter doesn’t drink the other gets Mad and won’t get in car if friends are drinking and have a car. Will Call at 2 am or Uber . I take marriage seriously But could Never stay with someone who Continually does that

OOP: I'm curious to see what he does tonight since, just before he left to go golfing, we had a family meeting about her drinking, her drinking and driving, and if she'll be able to have her car back. He drives home drunk...

**Judgement - NTA**

Update - 2 days later

Behind my back, her dad (stbx) found her keys, helped her pack the car and tried to get her on the road before I got home from work. My Ring doorbell kept alerting me so I eventually saw what was going on. I rushed home from work, blocked her car with my suv, and called the cops. Before they could get there, he jumps into my car, fights me to turn off my car and was able to prevent me from blocking her. My arm got scraped in the process of him fighting to turn off my car. Ultimately he overpowered me and she was able to drive off. The cops were too late and off she went, 6 hours away to college, with her car.

I wasn't really injured so I declined to press charges against him but I demanded that he leave, and told him that our marriage is over. He's now staying elsewhere for an indefinite period of time.

She's planning to go to AA, therapy, group meetings, get an accountability partner, a breathalyzer and an ignition interlock. I hope she does all those things. I just wanted her to do them without her car bc I don't trust her.

Sadly, her dad and I are not on the same page. I feel incredibly betrayed by him for doing all this behind my back, for not communicating with me about his intentions to give her the car back, and for letting her have the car back despite all the evidence showing that she can't be trusted with it.

He says I'm overreacting, that they have a plan and that he trusts her. I don't. I think he's a coward and I pray that his cowardice and stupidity doesn't get her or anyone else killed.

Also wondering how to go about trying to stop someone from driving drunk when you're not physically with the potential drunk driver. Do the police actually do anything about it if you call them?

Comments

Magdovus

Did you tell the police your concerns about her drink driving?

OOP: Yes

Magdovus

If they documented it properly that may help with any liability you have

PreparationScared

I’m sorry. She’s not likely to go to AA, therapy, group meetings, nor to get an accountability partner, a breathalyzer, or an ignition interlock. That’s quite a list of promises she made. Since her father enabled her by giving her the car, there is nothing you can do to keep her safe.

I urge you to contact for yourself. They provide help and support to the loved ones of problem drinkers and you can find many people who have been in your situation.

Ks26739

Also interlock devices are EXPENSIVE and have a monthly fee. No way she's going to be the college girl with a blow and go willingly.

Strict-Knowledge-535

Your soon to be ex obviously didn't get the "united front" memo parents need to adopt when their kids are making poor choices that will hurt them or someone else.

The fact that your 20 year old, who cant legally drink needs AA should be a big glowing neon fucking sign for him.

NTA for being the only actual parent she has.

opinionatedOptimist

Agreed.

I’m kind of bouncing around but I’m a 24 year old with a DUI (on probation). When I was 19, I received my first charge for underage drinking/public intoxication. By 21, I had to fully withdraw from alcohol in the ER, being carried out of my house with a BAC over .3

Alcoholism is horrifying and dangerous. It at best affected my hormones in possibly a permanent way (as I am now medicated for hormonal acne that I never had before heavily drinking) and at worst, nearly killed me. The damage my downfall did to my loved ones and those close to me is one of the most devastating things I have witnessed in my life.

OP’s husband is being horrifically negligent and enabling.

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments