Q&As

We were visiting a good friend of mine when he moved out of state. He brought me to his bedroom closet to show me an ar15 and handgun he purchased after moving. I handled both guns after checking they were unloaded and I knew they were safe.

My girlfriend walks into the room and he hands the ar15 to her (she does not check it to affirm it is indeed clear) and the first thing she does is point it directly in my face. I slapped the barrel down and said "what the fuck are you doing?!?" In an aggressive tone. She then handed my friend his rifle back and stormed out of the room.

She didn't like the fact I aggressively chastised her for ignoring basic gun safety. She told me "you didn't have to talk to me like I'm stupid" and didn't understand my point wasn't to make her feel stupid but that action is dangerous especially since she was not in the room to witness it being checked for live ammunition, and she did not check the gun herself.

Am I wrong for aggressively chastising her? Or should I have been nicer?

Me and my boyfriend got in a huge fight today over the stupidest thing. I was telling him about this girl I follow on TikTok and her boyfriend who is a black Cuban man. My boyfriend went on to insist that he can’t be black if he’s Cuban. I said, “No he’s definitely both black and Cuban.” I went on to explain that black people live all over the world and not just in America. He argued that yes that’s technically true, but when people think of “black people” they only think of black Americans. I told him that’s an incredibly small mindset and not everyone is so American-centric in their thinking. He insisted that was incorrect. The thing is, he is black and I am white. And he was saying that I could never understand what a black person is because I’ll never be black. So this leaves me confused and wondering, AITAH for saying black people can be from other countries besides America?

Well, well, well...this was all a fantastic waste of time

This is full of stupid information that doesn't matter so hears what happened condensed.

It took me way longer than it should have to realize I should actually call someone who saw her behavior when she left firsthand. I called one of her brothers. I basically word vomited and relayed the whole story, and asked what they can verify. They could not

What ACTUALLY happened...she started having an affair with a coworker roughly 4 moths before she got pregnant, he gave her the AP spiel about how he was better and she should go with him when she got pregant. She immediately gets it in her head to abuse me (usual affair crap) eventually wanting to run off with him (the day she left she DID stay at her mother's, but had all the intention to move in with him after giving birth). Before she delivers, she owns up and tells her family everything. My MIL and bils couldn't care at the time. They may not be crazy but they still didn't like me and from what she was selling to them about her AP they liked him. AP was at the birth, high and tried to start a fight with them. By then wife already did a paternity test and it was his. AP then disappears and she realizes she's fucked. We have a solid prenuptial and my house is premarital plus we live in an at fault state. Around that time is when I called her out and split finances. She was deep in a hole with no way out. And in her mind pitching a drama show about her family to me made sense to get me on her side

What was the plan for my paternity test? I don't know

What was she planning for whenever I interacted with family again? I don't know

Why did her family go along with it? I don't know

How was she ever going to make up for abuse? I don't know

Is there any truth to her tale about her mother? I have no idea. I don't care at this point

This whole problem was a desperate person and her toxic family gambling everything on a no show and only when they had burned all bridges with me did they try and reconnect. I'm glad I called the brother who had any decency to own up to their nonsense

He realized how in deep he was and that his sister didn't help with that, and hes finally done with his familys crap and wants to get away. He gave me a copy of the paternity test she gave to him. He sent dozens of messages she had with him and the family in a group chat. I have enough proof for my lawyer to bury her.

I texted her and told her I knew everything. She's been messaging me relentlessly with the most vile things she can say. I'm just forwarding it all to my lawyer

I'm still in awe to how she tried to pull a last resort manipulation tactic with the story about her family it's actually kind of disturbing. But that doesn't really concern me now. Locks are changed, finances are already separated, I'm not oj the birth certificate and my divorce is getting ready to start. Probably will have no updates for a long time. Divorces take way longer than Reddit makes it seem like

In any way, this was the best case scenario and im actually giddy that I have a clean break. Huge sigh of relief. She could have at least told me the truth and spared the pointless drama update lol

My dad went to prison early 2020 and a couple of years before then he had signed over a house of his to me. I have my own house but, he gave me his house so that I may in the future want to sell or rent it out. My grandparents were in a tight spot and I decided to let them stay in the house. Up until a couple months ago they finally had enough money to get a place of their own. They moved out and I still had my keys so I went in and started some minor remodeling. Finally it got to the point where I would need permits to do some work on the house and when I went to the records office I found that in 2022 my signature was signed on many documents to pass the house to mothers ex boyfriend. As of February 2023 he signed the house over to my mother.

I never signed any documents to pass the house on and when I confronted my mother she said I must have forgotten. The signatures are clearly not mine. My father will be released in August of this year and I was going to fix the house up so he can live there.

Is there anything I can do

Using a throwaway account. My brother and his wife are expecting their first child this summer. My sister-in-law is from a different country and her first trimester was not easy and I know that she misses her family a lot. Her parents are planning to stay with them for a year when the baby is born (with a quick trip home in between so they don’t overstay their visa). She was thrilled that they could do this.

She recently asked if her sister and her sister’s family (husband and two children under the age of 6) could also come out with her parents and stay with me because they won’t all fit at their house. But she wants them to stay for 6 months. I asked if maybe they could do 2-3 weeks or even a month but she wasn’t happy about that at all because she really wants her sister to be here to help too.

AITA for thinking that this is unreasonable and feeling imposed upon? Her family would not be able to drive and I live 30 minutes away from my brother and I work so I wouldn’t be able to drive them to see her every day and I don’t think my brother will have time to pick them up every day.

Technically I have the space. But I like my quiet time and having four people that I’ve never met stay with me for six months feels overwhelming. They don’t speak English so it would also be a little awkward in the beginning, I think. The plan is to homeschool the older child while they’re here (the younger one isn’t school age yet). I don’t fully understand the husband’s job but apparently he’s able to do it remotely. That would mean he’s on calls and video meetings in the middle of the night though.

I understand that it’s hard to have a baby so far from your family and I want to be supportive of my sister in law. I’ve been firm in my stance that a 6 month visit is too long but she’s pretty upset with me and her and my brother haven’t been speaking to me for a couple of weeks now so I’m wondering if I’m just being cruel or selfish here.

EDIT: thank you so much everyone for your comments and for helping me to feel much better that I was not being unreasonable. I’m reading through all the comments but wanted to reply to a few ideas that many had shared.

1. My brother and SIL cannot afford a short-term rental, nor can her family. But beyond that, in her culture, it would be considered rude to put them up somewhere else if family can accommodate them. I believe they briefly looked at AirBNBs and short-term rentals but in addition to the expense, her family’s lack of permanent status for that long of a stay might have been a concern for some (not sure of exact details or convos and maybe they just told me that to make it seem like they had no other option) but bottom line, they can’t afford it

2. Thank you to all who pointed out some of the potential legal issues with the husband working remotely here on a tourist visa, and the sticky situations that could come out of being here for so long. I had not considered that and I really appreciate the advice

3. If she were to go back to her home country with the baby instead of everyone coming here, my brother could only stay for a few weeks. And ironically, her family doesn’t have room for them to stay with them

Last weekend, I attended my brother’s college graduation. After the ceremony, I found the rear of my trunk had been hit. The other driver was still there. She was an 18 year old who was crying hysterically while her mom tried to calm her down. The girl apologized profusely and said she had overestimated how much room she had to back out and hit my car. I wasn’t upset because mistakes happen. I asked if she had insurance and she was too worked up to answer. So, I turned to her mom and she said yes, they’d go get it as well as call the police so there could be an official report for the insurance company. Cool. The girl was still really worked up. I told her, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it. I’m not upset and accidents happen.

She’s still a mess when the cops show up. I found this a little overdramatic and admittedly rolled my eyes. I obviously don’t know this girl but it was beginning to feel like she was trying to manipulate her way out of trouble-even though the cop and I both said these things happen and that the insurance would likely take care of it. Eventually, the police left. I told the girl to calm down, it’s over and stop being dramatic. Then, I got in my car and was ready to leave.

My sister was with me the whole time. She told me I was unnecessarily mean to the girl. I said she was being overdramatic for no reason, especially as no one yelled at her the entire time. My sister pointed out this girl is likely a new driver, probably worried she ruined whoever she was there to celebrate, etc. Plus, she’s probably worried about her rates going up. Or maybe she has anxiety or whatever. Even if she was trying to manipulate with tears, I didn’t “have to be a dick”. I shrugged it off and let it go. So far, her insurance has been cooperative and it seems this will all be resolved rather quickly.

The subject came up at the party we had for my brother. Most of my family thought I was being a dick. Though some agreed she needed to calm down. AITA?

My parents are hosting extended family for a couple of weeks. It's my maternal and paternal grandparents as well as my aunt and uncle on my paternal side. It was going okay until last weekend when my parents brought up a topic of conversation that I (17m) am so tired of hearing and being pulled into.

So let me explain the non adoption and why it bugs me. My dad had a kid before he met my mom. My half sister (24f). My dad had primary custody of my half sister, her mom was in and out of her life. My parents met when my half sister was 2 and got married when she was 4. Her mom was in and out of prison, was on and off drugs and alcohol and she was really disruptive to my half sister's life and to my parents. She refused to stay away but refused to be a good mom too. When I was 2 or 3 her mom offered to walk away for good but only if they removed any chance that she could be sued for child support, etc. My mom was willing to adopt my half sister. The three adults wanted this to happen but because of my half sister's age, her wishes held a lot of weight and she didn't want my mom to adopt me, and it never happened. So her mom kept the back and forth for a few more years before giving up the relationship with my half sister completely. My parents were so upset that my half sister rejected having a stable and loving mom in my mom for a woman who even she admitted was so mean to her and didn't take good care of her. But my half sister never really liked my mom from what I witnessed.

It's a really big deal to my parents and I have grown up hearing about it way more than I need to. They told me details I didn't need to know, when I was too young to be hearing them, they would suck the fun out of things bringing it up. And I know they hold it against my half sister. They think my sisters (14f and 13f) and I do too but the lack of closeness has nothing to do with the not adoption and everything to do with our half sister not wanting to be close to us. I asked my parents to stop bringing it up around us a few times. They ignored me. Until they said they got it and would listen.

But last weekend my parents brought it up while family was over and I was so not wanting to hear about it so I got up in the middle of breakfast and left the house and didn't come back all day. My parents were so mad at me for that. I told them I couldn't listen to them talk about it again and they couldn't help themselves but I wasn't going to turn it into a fight to stop them. They told me walking out without permission is bad enough but when we have family here is disrespectful and they told me I'm old enough to know and do better. This was a sore point the whole week.

AITA?

I'm 28F getting married in 2 months. My relationship with my father 56M has always been complicated. My parents divorced when I was ten and my father wasn't around much after that. He started a new family and I felt like I was no longer a priority. My mom raised me pretty much on her own.

As my wedding day approaches. My father has expressed how excited he is to walk me down the aisle. This is where things get complicated. My mom has been my constant support and I’ve always envisioned her walking me down the aisle. She was there for every important moment in my life while my dad was mostly absent.

I had a heart to heart with my father and told him how I felt. I explained that I wanted my mom to walk me down the aisle because she’s the one who’s always been there for me. My father was heartbroken and accused me of punishing him for the past. He said he thought we had moved past everything.

My siblings and some family members think I’m being too harsh and that I should let him have this moment. They believe it’s a chance for us to mend our relationship but I can’t shake off the feeling that my mom deserves this more than anyone. Now I’m torn. I don’t want to hurt my father but I also want to honor the person who’s been my unwavering support.

Edit: he never really apologized for anything. he just started showing up. He visits I let him in. He says something I respond and that's it.

Edit: for some that assumed my mom the reason I hate him(I don't). She never told me anything bad about him. I used to call/text him and no response. I drove 4 hours to try and have a heart to heart conversation with him when I was 19. And he told me and I quote "I don't know what's wrong with you but I'm sure therapy can help and I can pay for it" on my way back home he texted me one word "Sorry". And I never heard of him again until he showed up at my door when I turned 22.

+I'm not a native English speaker

I remember Hugh Dennis proposed this a while back. Given it is the older people who are all for National Service as to "give something back to your country" and to "foster communities" and "teamwork", why don't we predominately recruit for National Service from the over 65's?

We can have Doris scrubbing Church steps and Val carrying out community haircuts or something. Seems at the moment that proposed plans are missing their target audience?

My son passed away a year ago. He and my daughter in law were together for 30 years. Not legally married though. Their love was beautiful and his passing really hit her hard. Before he passed I didn’t have a will because I have two children and legally it would be divided 50-50 between them. My estate is not much but I have an apartment in a luxury neighborhood (got it before it became a luxury neighborhood) and some savings. Now my son is gone I made a will to include my daughter in law to be instead of him. My daughter was very angry about it and she threatened to cut me off her and her children’s life. I don’t want to change that. Aitah

I love my wife but she has a really bad habit.

The second I open my mouth, her eyes glaze over and she just stops paying attention to me. It’s like she’s actively making the choice not to listen to me.

It’s been like this for a year now. It only used to be on occasion like if we were watching a movie or something and she was paying attention to the movie and not listening to what I was saying.

But now it’s all the time and she just isn’t listening even when I’m right in front of her talking to her and saying her name.

If I ask her a question, she won’t react. If I say “Are you listening?” She’ll ask me to repeat what I asked and then just answer the last question I asked.

It’s gotten really bad. We don’t have conversations anymore. The bills are paid and the chores are done and our kid is happy but it’s like having a roommate, not a partner.

I snooped, not because I thought she was cheating, but because I wanted to figure out if there was something else occupying her mind but I found nothing, no cheating, no credit card issues, no issues in general.

This morning I dropped a glass on the floor and I told her not to go into the kitchen because I was getting a pan to sweep up the glass. I came back with her picking glass shards out of her foot because she wasn’t paying attention.

I was extremely frustrated because I had told her and she just didn’t listen. I yelled at her that she wasn’t listening to what I said and she started doing the whole glazed eye thing where I know she’s not actively listening to me anymore.

I feel bad for yelling but I feel justified. AITAH?