r/weddingplanning

Looking for examples of non-traditional wedding celebrations. I’d like to get together with my favorite people and dance and drink champagne. More like a cocktail party. Fun, not formal or choreographed.

The trouble is, I’m having a hard time imagining what a less formal, less traditional celebration looks like. If you did things differently, what’d you do? What was the flow of the evening? How’d you tell people this isn’t a “wedding” like they might expect?

And how did you handle a venue? Because it seems like venues that I reach out to automatically default to offering all the bells-and-whistles that I emphatically don’t want. It’s like they have no idea how to do something more chill. Plus, it seems like less formal spaces like a restaurant don’t allow music or dancing.

Your ideas appreciated!

I'm looking for advice from trans and queer people.

I'm very close friends with some trans and queer folks and would love to have them at my small destination wedding.

I also have some immediate family (think siblings and parents, not cousins) that is loudly transphobic on social media that I have a strained relationship with. I feel like if I uninvite one or two, it will cause a lot of family drama that I don't want to deal with on my big day.

I feel like it's an unfair burden to put on my queer friends to be around people who might say some off color things after a few drinks. I'm not confident my family can control themselves even if given boundaries. They would never have the balls to be confrontational in person but may make some stupid "jokes" or remarks.

I've gone low contact with these family members and no contact for over a year in the past. The other immediately family is neutral at best and likely wouldn't support my decision.

I'm really not interested in hearing how it's just a "different opinion" or anything transphobic so you can save those comments. I'm specifically hoping to hear perspective from queer folks. I think I know what the correct decision is, but it's hard when it's close family members. Anyone have experience with this? Any advice?

EDIT:

First of THANK YOU for all the kind and helpful responses. I am thankful that so many of you took time out of your day to give such a measured and thoughtful response. And pleasantly surprised at the lack of dismissive and/or ignorant responses. You are all awesome.

To address a couple questions:

Yes relations with my family have been slowly deteriorating since 2015/16. I'm sure you can all guess why. Before that, things were good between us all. I grieve every day for the relationship I used to have with them. I still keep them around albeit at an arms length partially out of guilt, partially out of hope that maybe things will someday change. I wasn't always a good ally but I listened, learned, and worked on myself. So I know firsthand it's possible to change, but only if you want to.

Why am I looking for queer opinions? Because I have already discussed this with straight friends and their perspective is valuable but they won't be harmed if anything were to go down. I don't want to ask my queer friends for an opinion because I feel this is putting undue burden on them to be responsible for my decision. They didnt ask to be put in that position. However if you are a straight person who has personal experience with this, I would still love to hear how you handled it.

We plan on having around 50 guests. It's destination, but everyone will be booking their own cabins, Airbnbs, campsites. No one will be forced to all stay in the same hotel or resort.

Added context my fiance and I are both cis and white. He supports whatever decision I make.

So, sort of a rant. For context, I'm a cradle Catholic while my fiancé is a non practicing Baptist. We are planning to hold a Catholic ceremony. But the further we get into Catholic marriage prep, the more I want to just give up and have a civil ceremony. I'm very much a "get it done ASAP" type wedding planner, especially with grad school starting in a few weeks. The church we are preparing with is frustrating me since it feels like we can't get full instructions on each step of the preparation process and instead only given one step at a time after multiple phone calls and emails. I understand Catholic marriage preparation requires at least 6 months, but the amount of run around has been ridiculous. We haven't been able to even set a date yet because of this. Also, recently completed the Pre-Cana preparation step and a lot of topics covered made me feel gross about my faith, such as NFP or dedicating an entire hour to talking about tithing paired what was pretty gospel of wealth. Also, most the couples for the class who spoke seemed so unhappy, talking more about how hard a marriage is instead of how rewarding or enjoyable marriage can be. I also wasn't a fan of the common view that if you and your partner live together before marriage, the only reason must be to "test drive" marriage, no other reason. All of these experiences has me, a cradle Catholic, considering a civil ceremony and not being Catholic anymore. Sorry for this long, whiney rant. Just super frustrated and ready to elope and be done with all this planning bs.

Update: one positive I will mention from all this stress is it's fueling my stress crochet habit as I crochet my wedding favors. 😅

Update 2: So only other church in my area that may be more helpful is an hour away from the reception venue we are trying to get and do not allow artificial flower arrangements (my diy arrangements are artificial flowers.) Of course, my parish may have the same flower rule and if so, I guess I'm doing a civil ceremony. The other church may also be out of budget for us, but once again, the same could be said for my parish, but no info on that front either. 😬

Is it a good idea to book a flight super early in the morning right after the wedding? I don’t want to miss any alarms or anything, but I’m normally very good about waking up for vacations. I’ve never been married before, but I am always EXHAUSTED after a wedding. Obviously we can sleep on the flights, but is it even worth risking?

If we get a later flight, we’ll have time to do a breakfast with family, but we won’t get to our destination until about 8pm. If we leave early, we’ll be there around 2pm (with transport, baggage claim, etc, it would put us right at check in time)

eta: I have had some BAD traveling experiences before. Not much fazes me anymore but again, never been on a honeymoon!

Update: Thank you all! I think we will leave Sunday (wedding is Saturday) afternoon as we don’t really have time to take off work to leave several days later. We definitely don’t want to go straight to work right after the wedding. We’ll have time to hang out with family and get our ducks all in a row before we leave for a week and then immediately move a few hours away. Win-win for everything, because our new place will already be fully furnished, and we’ll have already spent the time with our family. As someone mentioned, it’s a beach vacation so all we have to do is show up and relax the whole time anyway. I appreciate everyone’s input, I didn’t know so many people left so much later after their weddings!

What are you all doing food and exercise wise to reduce puffiness, bloat, breakouts, etc in photos?

Also open to tips on hydration, beauty products, etc. etc.

Still undecided about having a bridal party altogether. But if we were to have one, I realized that I would be picking friends who did not pick me to be in their bridal parties. I was not hurt by their decision because they picked mostly family members and maybe closer friends. I respected their decision and still showed up with full love and support. I even joined some of their bachelorette parties and bridal showers. Would it be weird to still pick them to be in my bridal party? I’ve heard so many mixed opinions on this which has made me over think everything.

We’re planning our wedding and love thinking about which songs we might go with for the entrance, first dance, wedding video and more

We have soooo many in our list and We’d love a 2000’s decade song that has the same vibe and sound as Royel Otis’ cover of The Cranberries’ Linger ( obviously with a happier story in the lyrics. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Otherwise- sending any and all wedding songs, as we love listening to them!

I’m curious where everyone got their wedding shoes and how much you spent! I’m starting to search for my own and would love some recommendations on brands/stores.

Hi all!

My wedding is right before the presidential election which is going to be a historic one. People tell me not to worry and that no one will talk politics at my wedding. I have my doubts about this simply because some people I invited try to fit their controversial/political opinions into any conversation and again, it's not your average presidential election(imo). Part of me thinks the people telling me not to worry are right and that even these individuals know to not talk politics at a wedding. Part of me has my doubts.

My question is has anyone actually had an experience where people were talking about politics or other inappropriate topics at a wedding or similar event? If so did it cause issues?

We got married on July 13 2024, and here are a couple of things that went very wrong, and ended up being highlights of the day for me.

1. At our rehearsal dinner, someone spilled red wine all over my stunning white jumpsuit. For some this is a nightmare… but… there was about 2 hours left of the 5 hour event. I had already greeted and seen everyone by the time the wine was spilled, all of the photos had been taken (tons). It was a very close friend of mine who just lost control of her glass while telling a funny story and spilled it all over me.

Her reaction was priceless as you could watch her go through the stages of: omg what did I just do terror, chugging the remainder of the wine in her glass so that people wouldn’t be able to tell it was her that spilled the wine, being afraid to look at me in fear I would be livid, holding back a laugh because the situation was just so classic and ridiculous. She finally noticed I was in stitches laughing at the situation, and the whole group of us were laughing hysterically for a good 10 minutes.

In fairness all of the spill was below the thigh, so it wasn’t like there was a massive stain on my chest. For the remainder of the evening. Whenever someone noticed and made a comment pitying and saying I must feel so upset, it was easy to laugh, and tell them it’s fine!! It felt like it showed I was having a good time. I made some jokes that it “obviously wasn’t me, I don’t even drink red wine!”

2. My husband fell.. during the ceremony.. full blown trip and fall to the ground.

Now what’s hilarious is that my husband works a pretty dangerous job, and is often injured. It’s almost like a trait that everyone knows about him. He’s not clumsy, but he is a bit risky and adventurous, so naturally there have been some injuries. In my vows, (30 seconds before he fell), I had said that I promise to always take care of him whenever he breaks a bone or gets a joint replaced.

When he fell, the crowd gasped with concern, he popped up and made a hilarious one liner about being grateful that I had already made that vow, and our whole crowd of guests was roaring with laughter. It was perfect, we joked all evening that we choreographed it.

I share this in hopes of calming future bride’s nerves, and as a reminder that imperfection is fun and unique and adds personality to your day. I wouldn’t change either of these “mistakes” for the world.

My family took total control of the wedding. We aren’t splitting it down the middle—it’s a budget wedding but they’re paying for the venue and food. I’ve finally been looped in on emails and there are a lot of decisions like the seating layout I have not been involved in (my family has dismissed anything I’ve discussed preference wise). It’s a month out and I’m seeing all these emails of vendors and they have my family on the emails making decisions and discussing things but I’m not CC’d on anything. Is this normal that the vendors are only dealing with my mom, not me? Kinda pisses me off from a professional and familial standpoint.

Our very close friend was ordained to marry us in 22 days. We are so excited to see her because it’s been over a year due to her moving to Egypt. She will be traveling to Vermont. We would love to get a gift for her but have no clue what to get. Any recommendations would be awesome.

Hi all,

I’m getting married mid July 2025. I have heard of people getting monthly facials leading up to their weddings and am wondering if any of you have done that and if you saw it make a big impact on your skin and if it gave you a great glow for your special day and all the photos. There are several places in NYC that have “memberships” for monthly facials and doing the math I would have 11 facials done between today and my wedding day if I did them monthly.

Curious to know what you all have done and if you’ve seen great results!

My wedding is in just over 2 months. I have barely anything planned and on top of that I’m broke.

I never wanted a big wedding, but eloping was shot down by all family members very quickly. Was basically told I’d be disowned as it’s not a real marriage if everyone’s not there(it’s a religious thing that I don’t agree with but obviously want my family there so just gave in in the moment and now regret it.) Furthermore we had family promise to give x amount so began budgeting for that, but are now realizing we’ll never receive the money.

I work 50+ hours a week and commute about 10hours a week. I know I still have free time after work, but I come home too exhausted to even want to think about wedding stuff. At this point I feel like the wedding is next week and I’m so overwhelmed and lost.

Our wedding is in a greenhouse and only comes with tables and some greenery for decor, looking back this was a terrible venue choice but I’ve sunk too much into it to go back.

These are the things we have done: Venue -tables, lighting, bathrooms, basic decor Catering- dinner wear, family making dessert Dress- still needs alterations, still need shoes Suit Florals- are in the works Hair/Makeup- I’ll do myself Photographer/ not doing videographer

Things I know I need to do: Alcohol/bartenders/rent bar Officiant Marriage license Planning day of and all the chaos that that includes

Does someone have a master list of like every single thing that goes into a wedding?

I need to start contacting vendors about day of stuff, but have no idea where to start. I have no clue where to start on organizing the day of, order of events or anything.

Please send help to a very lost bride who was tricked by family into a wedding she doesn’t want and can’t afford.

My destination wedding is 9/28, we sent invites on 6/1 and our RSVP deadline is tomorrow 8/3. So far, only 26/51 households have responded. In the missing pile is the majority of our wedding party and most of both our immediate families.

For the missing RSVPs who won’t be playing a role in the wedding, I was going to text them a variant of “hey, are you coming or not because after today you’re being marked as a no” (obviously a bit nicer, LOL). But how do I ask the people who are in the wedding party or are immediate family? I’m already peeved that they are VIPs who won’t RSVP (I have one sister who said she refused to because we already know she’ll be there - but ok how am I supposed to know if you want veg or beef), but I still need to know if they’re coming! Their meal choices! Their +1s!

How should I ask them? Has anyone else dealt with this situation?

Edit: we had paper RSVP cards and we did not initially have the RSVP option enabled on our website. Should we enable that for the late people or would that over complicate it?

I am having around 112 people wedding at a golf club. I am a little stressed about my choice of venue and the event coordinator there. I was thinking of hiring a morning of coordinator just to help out with me getting ready make sure we are on time and help with rehearsal ( doing it day of) and leave around cocktail hour the particular person is charging 590 dollars not sure it’s worthy it as I have a decorator coming to repurpose my flowers from the ceremony to reception. What are your thoughts ?

So, the groom has two sisters that were not included as bridesmaids. Just a lot of sisters on the brides side and a few friends so understandable. What are some suggestions to include the groom's sisters in some way if they can't be bridesmaids?

I dropped off my save the dates at my local post office on 7/24 and it has now been 8 business days a large number of my guests still have not received their save the dates (the usual delivery time frame from what I’ve read is 1-5 business days). I mailed these out in Southern California and some of my relatives in the Bay Area haven't received theirs yet, a few in Southern California, and a few across the country. It's so strange that some of my guests in New York and DC have recieved their save the dates before some of my guests in the Bay Area, in state. My fiance went to talk to a worker at USPS who told him that if people haven't received them by now to consider them lost - but when I called USPS customer service, they told me it could take up to 10-15 business days for the mail to arrive. I'm not sure which is the case, but I'm getting really worried. Has anyone had this experience before? Thanks a ton in advanced!

i know i’m not the only one who’s ever struggled with this.

i wanna start this by saying that as far as the wedding itself.. my parents will only be paying for the dress. nothing else.

for extra context, my family is arab/assyrian. take that into consideration.

my fiancés grandma is filthy rich and has paid for all his siblings weddings, ours will be included in that.

if it were up to me, i would pick and choose the family members on my dads side that i would invite. half his family has been unsupportive towards our relationship. however, if they are invited they will still unfortunately go which is ridiculous. he also has family in a whole other country who i’ve never spoken to.. who i also have to invite. i’m borderline heartbroken at all the people i have to invite. it is my dream to be able to only invite those who have supported or who i know would support our relationship.

i’m scared that if i don’t invite my dad family he literally won’t show up or my mom will make the day miserable. i am so terrified and angry and annoyed that this is how it has to be. especially when they’re not paying.

if any of you have had experience wirh this issue.. and has middle eastern/ethnic family.. please help😭 i’m so heartbroken over this and really don’t wanna invite people i don’t know.

Sunday or federal holiday help please

HELP ME BEFORE I LOSE MY MIND Sunday or federal holidays First option, The venues that I like there is no way for me that I could afford them on Friday and Saturday. So l am thinking to get them any Sunday or any federal holiday. They are close by where l live. Secand option The venues that I don't like a lot but I can afford for Saturday they are far away. Again I don't like them as much as I like the venues that I can afford on Sunday and any federal holidays. Now the issue is if I get the venues that are far away my second option then I have few guests who are seniors and hard for them to get there. Also people in my culture are not familiar to drive far away to attend a wedding. It's not usual In my culture Sorry situation is complicated Bottom line Do you guys have been in any Sunday or federal holiday wedding where you had fun like Saturday wedding ??? Please help me out

Hello! I am planning on getting married in August 2025. I lost my mom when I was 13, and now that I'm almost 25 and wedding planning, I am dreading some of the parts that are to come.

My fiancé's mother is so kind and supportive, but I am afraid to ask her to "fill in" for my mom. She has 5 kids herself, and one that has gotten married already. I just don't want to be a burden to her, but I would also LOVE if I got to do some things like pick out a "mother of the bride" dress with her (in quotations because she is obviously not my mom).

She has already offered to help with flowers and with my wedding dress shopping, and I am inviting other family and friends to join me for that appointment. I am just feeling lost without my own mom and want to involve my future MIL, but I don't want to sound needy or give off the wrong impression.

Has anyone been through this? Advice?

I’m helping a friend plan her wedding, but she hasn’t been to a wedding before and is pretty unfamiliar with what actually occurs at a wedding.

Could anyone point me towards an online resource that gives an overview of all things wedding? Everything from what happens at a reception, what’s a rehearsal dinner, who is traditionally expected to pay for X, etc.

I understand that there is a huge variety to weddings and what’s considered "traditional." But I do need a starting point and some common language with the bride to help plan this wedding! TIA.

My fiance and I are in the process of wedding planning for April or May of 2025. It's my fiance's second marriage and so we have made the decision to keep our wedding ceremony/reception to just extended family. We are talking about throwing a second party after the honeymoon for friends- something much more casual. Has anyone done this? And if so, what did you do to keep the price of the second celebration lower? Thanks!