Because so many people aren't reading this post, I have to make this clear. The main message of this post is to abandon ideas like the "tradwife" and any other preconceived rules for relationships. Instead, husbands and wives should work together to create the relationship that works best for them.
Yeah, I said it. It's bullshit. And yes, this is a rant.
A lot of guys have this naive and impractical idea of "tradwives" and "traditional" relationships. Personally, I hate how many people misuse both ideas. It makes me want to vomit.
Both of my parents worked while I was growing up. My mother was still what most people would consider a "traditional" wife in all other respects – she did all of the cooking and cleaning and taking care of my siblings and I. The only difference was, she worked most days of the week.
My father was the head of our family – zero questions asked. He made or agreed to every major decision, purchase, activity, etc. There was no way either one would even think of divorce because they cared too much about their family (their kids) to ever tear it apart.
Could I find a woman like my mother today? In the US? The vast majority of women aren't raised to be those kinds of wives anymore.
Even my own father will tell me, he and my mother were raised in a different time and place. Things aren't like that anymore. People have changed. Cultures have changed. The people who choose to retain their old ways believe that's what's best for them. Yes, of course you can find many women who choose their traditional ways in other countries.
My father tells me to look for a woman who respects me and whom I respect, so that we can make the best life for each other and any possible children.
To him, the only wrong type of woman is a disrespectful one, who considers no-fault divorce an option after she already has children with her husband. So long as a woman is respectful, keeps the marriage intact between you and herself, and would only divorce if she were forced, everything else you figure out together. And my mother went far and above all of that.
I really didn't want to post today, but the shit from an earlier post got on my nerves. I know it's only a tiny minority of guys who are already coming up with stringent and unnecessary rules for wives they might never even have. And some more have this idea of a "tradwife" who has all these qualities that adhere to certain men's ideals without considering the realities of humans, life, and relationships.
Some men might think other people are asleep about how dysfunctional their society is, but they're still dreaming themselves. The ideals do not exist. We deal with what's real.
So to any guys who have all these ideals and rules for what their "traditional" wife has to be and what she'll be allowed to do, please shut the fuck up in 2024. Go find a fuckin doll or a robot to program with your bullshit rules if you can't learn to create a life together with a real human being.
If you want to think about some of the practical, real-world limitations "tradwives" can face, consider .
Asshole from another realm
10 years ago, my wife [42f] and I [39m] adopted a boy who is now 16m. He is our only child, and he used to be such a sweet kid up until last year. This was when he first started acting out. He has a seriously disturbing infatuation with his mother, and he used to act out on it with just a lot of staring and ogling. This year was the first time he did anything beyond that. My wife has let me know that he pulls at her bra every now and then, and she now refuses to be in the same room as our son without me present as well. We have installed locks on our bedroom doors and our closet door, so that when my wife is changing, she can lock herself in the closet. I keep an eye out on our son constantly, and it's been a while since he has acted out physically on my wife.
One week ago, my wife and I sat down with our son, and we started talking about his troubling, problematic behavior around her. During this moment, my wife started crying, and she pulled her shirt up to wipe her tears away. We saw our son staring at my wife’s body during this time, and it freaked her out enough that she started addressing him directly, asking him what the fuck all this is. She asked him upfront whether or not he wants to rape her, and she used the word “rape” explicitly. When she asked him this disturbing question, I shut her down. Our son was dead silent for the entire meeting.
It’s been a week since my wife and I talked to our son, and it’s all the usual routine still: my wife needs me to be with her whenever she’s with our son, we keep the bedroom door locked whenever we’re there, and I’ve been giving my wife the silent treatment for asking our son if he wants to rape her. Actually, because of what she said, I once couldn’t bring myself to protect her when she was around our son, and I just left her alone with him.
IMPORTANT EDIT: I mis-spoke when I wrote the title. After some reflection, I've realized that I'm not actually disgusted by my wife. Rather, I'm disgusted by the circumstances that have led to my wife confronting our son. Also, after the one moment where I left my son and wife out of my sight, I later reconciled with her and asked her if anything went wrong while she and our son were together. She said "no". Just saying all this, for what it's worth.