this is a community like r/AmITheAsshole except unlike that subreddit here you can post interpersonal conflicts, anything that's AITA but is not allowed there even posting about Scar from the lion king and trying to convince redditors that he was not the AH. rules: don't berate others and no pornography we have children here
Aita? I feel very stuck on what to do or if I overreacted. I (24F) have an older sister (33F). I had my sons really young at 15 and 18 with my ex boyfriend. My sister was already out of the house when I had my youngest so she didnt do any childcare (not that I expected her to), just important for context.
Im really lucky to say that my ex is a very involved father and we have an equal coparenting schedule we decided out of court for years. We do one month on, one month off. We live in the same city so this doesn't affect their schooling and we’ve been doing it since we broke up at 18. I understand a month is a long time, but during the time they're away I still see them by taking them to the park, doing drop offs, movie/dinner night, even “sleepovers” where they’ll stay the night and their dad does the same so its not like during that month we’re no contact. We also do nightly Facetimes. I do love that it gives me time to relax and be childfree, hang out with my boyfriend/friends spontaneously, even get to go out of town if I want. I still get to live as a young adult and so does my ex which is why we agreed to the schedule at all.
Its raised controversy if I mention it to other moms because they always say they “can never go away from their children for so long” and make me feel like a shitty mom because I have fun during my month off. Its why I dont really mention it often to other moms. Anyways my older sister just welcomed her first baby last year and it was amazing. We arent the closest because of our age gap but it did bring us closer. Her husband and her separated a few months after his birth and shes been doing it all alone ever since. With the job market how it is, it took her months to even land an interview but she got the job. Sadly childcare in our area is 2k a month and she cant afford it so either the paternal grandmother or I watch him during the week. Our mom would do it but she had to return to work last year to pay the bills she cant. Luckily for me I had my mom to watch the boys when I was underage and when I moved out, but I dont have to worry about childcare since I WFH and my boys are in scho now.
I dont mind watching my nephew, my sister gos in at 6 and gets off at 2 so it doesnt take up much of my day and I usually do it two or three times a week so its not too constant. On Thursday when my sister dropped my nephew off, she had to go downstairs because she forgot his diaper bag and left her purse and phone behind. I live in the eight floor so she was gone for around five minutes. When she left her phone rang and since it was our mom I answered it to say hello. During the call I see a notification pop up of someone liking a message my sister sent: it said “Its crazy how she can watch my son for me but when it comes to hers she doesnt care. I could never go to Jamaica to celebrate a mans birthday when I could be with my kids instead. Deadbeat moms are worse than dads”. It shocked me so much I screenshotted it. My boyfriends birthday is next weekend and we’re going to Jamaica for a week. Its my sons time with their dad. When my sister came back upstairs I acted normal, she said bye and left.
I thought about it a lot and I got more pissed off. Why should I be shamed because I dont have to do it alone? How am I comparable to a deadbeat dad like her husband who hasnt seen their son in months with no contact? Here I am doing her a favor saving her 2k a month she doesnt have all to be insulted in a groupchat with people I dont know? When she came to get my nephew I confronted her.
At first she denied it until I showed her the screenshot, then she said its out of context so I said to show me the full convo then and she refused. She said sorry but didnt seem sorry at all, she just wanted to leave. I asked her to explain how Im a deadbeat, then she broke down in tears saying that SHES a single mon since she receives no help and I am barely a mom so I dont understand how she feels. I told her that to leave and she did. Once she left I called her and told her I wasnt going to be watching my nephew anymore. I didnt want to tell her in person because I know shed try to guilt rip me with even more tears.
She sent me over 50 texts when I wouldnt answer her calls begging me to answer and that shes so sorry and this wasnt supposed to happen and she regrets it. She said she needs me to watch him since his other grandma cant everyday. And that if she gets fired she’ll be out of a job again for months and wont be able to afford her bills. I didnt reply. Now my mom and cousins are all blowing up my phone telling me Im a huge asshole and to change my mind and accept her apology. I feel used and disrespected but also do feel a bit bad since she does need the childcare. AITA?