this is a community like r/AmITheAsshole except unlike that subreddit here you can post interpersonal conflicts, anything that's AITA but is not allowed there even posting about Scar from the lion king and trying to convince redditors that he was not the AH. rules: don't berate others and no pornography we have children here
AITA for having my in-laws escorted off of my property?
My (39M) husband (39M) and I were together for 10 years and married for seven before he unexpectedly died last year. Before and throughout our marriage, his parents never really liked me. I have no proof of this, but I think it was because he was bi and I robbed them of their chance for him to marry a woman and have children. Despite how they felt about me, I was not only always cordial to them, but I allowed them use of my two lake houses for whenever they wanted. The first lake house was owned by my parents since before my brothers and I were born. The second lake house was purchased by my brothers and I when the original owner decided to sell. The houses are right next to each other and perfect for large family gatherings. During our time together, my husband’s family celebrated holidays and extended weekends at the houses. And it was never an issue because I was at almost each of those getaways. Recently, my husband’s youngest brother got engaged and I knew his family would be throwing him and his fiancé a party like they did for all of their kids (except for my husband and I, but we didn’t have a big ceremony or anything, so I can’t prove the lack of party had anything to do with me). I also expected an invitation because I was incredibly friendly with the youngest brother having gone to many sporting events and concerts with him. But no one ever mentioned anything about a party. And when I finally asked the parents, I was told that they weren’t doing anything big. Fast forward to last Monday, and I got a text from one of the neighbors at the lake asking if I’d be joining the family for the party. Come to find out, the whole family was at the lake houses with guests and had been for that entire weekend to celebrate the engagement. At first I wasn’t bothered by not being there, but then I got another text from the neighbor one night telling me that mother-in-law drunkenly admitted that I wasn’t invited. So I drove over an hour to town with the paperwork listing my brothers and I as owners, and showed the sheriff the text message stating I wasn’t invited and told them I wanted everyone off of the properties. The sheriff and some deputies escorted me to the houses to shut the party down. The sheriff entered the party to shut it down telling the guests that the owner wanted everyone gone. Mom and dad in law threw a fit and that’s when the sheriff arrested them for public intoxication. Youngest brother is mad at me, but his fiancé is on my side. The brothers and sisters are also split as to whether or not I was wrong. But there seems to be a common consensus that I could’ve handled things differently. So, AITA?
Edit to add: There’s always been a hidden lockbox with keys in them. I don’t know that anyone has ever had copies made, but I paid the neighbor’s husband to change all the locks on both houses and to lock the garage doors and disable the garage door opener. I had to get back home because I have a cat and dog to look after, otherwise I would’ve changed everything myself.
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NTA. It was bad enough you were not invited, but not invited to a party on your own property? That they used without even asking you? Definitely NTA.
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Absolutely, boundaries are crucial. They disrespected you, so you had every right to act.
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Obviously they don’t think of him as family. And the mother practically is gleeful telling the neighbor he wasn’t invited. Shameful.
Exactly, setting and enforcing boundaries is essential for maintaining respect. It’s unfortunate it had to come to this, but sometimes you have to take a stand to be taken seriously. You did what you needed to do.
Especially property boundaries.
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And your MiL told on her drunk self.
Yea that's the part that gets me. Not invited is bad enough but the gall to actually not ask before you throw a party at someone else's property.
The liability involved is huge! What if someone served a minor alcohol, got injured, or drowned?!?
Not to mention people breaking things or stealing...
The absolute gall of these fucking people.
NTA- they broke your trust, outright lied, committed breaking and entering and threw a party. Then they shit talked you to a neighbor and caused a scene so big they got arrested. Fuck them.
I hope he had them charged with trespassing. Not the guests, but the in-laws. Why would they think they have access to those houses when their son is no longer around and they're not including his widower in the family?
And they were his family properties prior to being married! Crazy entitlement!
I would 100% charge with tresspassing. Followed by a restraining order for the properties, my home and from me.
Burn the bridges like you are Gen Sherman..
AND TALK TO THE NEIGHBORS like you belong there??? Where am I? I passed reasonville many miles back…
Not to mention that if anything happened to someone on his property he could be liable.
Exactly! NTA. So glad you took prompt action.
And condolences on the loss of your husband.
Yup. I immediately thought about it. OP should raise the point to his husband's siblings.
Sounds like the neighbor is the MVP -
Exactly. They didn't even ask first. That's trespassing at the very least. At least your BIL's fiance understood the situation as soon as she was made aware of it.
They probably told everyone 'oh, it's fine, we do this all the time." Not without permission, you don't.
Right? The audacity! Serves them right! NTA!
What the actual hell. Who goes to a place that is not yours, without permission, to have a party. That's called trespassing, if they went inside that's breaking and entering because they did not have permission from the owner. The party is for the brother of the deceased partner of owner that they didn't want to invite and brag about it. You are not the one that could have handled things differently. They could have handled things differently by getting permission to use something that was not theirs. The nerve, the disrepect, the entitlement of these people. How hurtful this behavior was. I'm so sorry these people treated you so badly.
nta; they are all lucky they didn't get arrested.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Not even a property OP shared with their son, entirely OPs (and bros) property. How dare they?!
NTA. Sort of off-topic but wouldn't you be held legally liable if someone was injured on the property? It seems irresponsible for them to host a party in someone else's home without their permission.
I didn’t even think about that…
they are not going to make that mistake again.. good on you, such bad behaviour on in laws part, dont lose any sleep over them.
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Eh, IDK that I would assume they actually learned their lesson. Even odds they'll just write it off as OP hating them to maintain their sainthood instead of admitting fault.
Change all the locks. They are entirely too comfortable. Those telling you that you went too far or should have handled it differently, how else should you have handled it? They lied to you and trespassed on your property for days without your permission? They got arrested due to their own intoxication.
You handled it exactly how you're supposed to. Because if you didn't handle it this way they could potentially do it again and yoyd be liable for any damages ec. Furthermore, the use of the lake house was a benefit for them because you considered them family, they don't feel the same about you.
Send some treats your neighbors way.
Yes! Friend hosted family and friends at their cottage and one person drunkenly stepped off the stairs for the outdoor deck and broke their leg.
Sued for medical, lost wages, care attendants and rehab ect - didn’t matter that they were drunk, that the stairs were to code or that this person was a girlfriend of a guest. They no longer invite anyone to their property understandably.
You might want to check rental sites and see if they've been using it for other things on the side.
Here's the link to that OP https://www.reddit.com/u/Scared-Weakness-6250/s/pJLCA5Oxm6
That was the best Reddit updates ever
I read the original post and the 1st update. Didn't realize there were several more. Thank you for sharing the link.
I remember that one.
you need to get some cameras installed. Outside and at least one inside aimed at the front door.
Yes around alcohol and water/access that could have been bad
THIS. Its a huge liability and to use someone elses house (the use of which was predicated on a relationship that doesnt any longer) without permission is deranged behavior. Much less for several days. OP is definitely NTA.
And who's cleaning up? And who's paying for the water & electricity usage? The toilet paper and soap used? Replacing anything that damaged or broken (lets face it, usually there's at least one broken glass or dish at a large party, or a red wine or sauce spill on upholstery or a rug).
And considering the hosts were arrested for drunk and disorderly conduct...
They sound delightful!
Technically they were all trespassing so that would prevent some liability, but it’s always possible.
Even trespassers can sue you. A man broke into a house to rob it, when he was leaving he slipped on the sidewalk and broke his leg and he won his lawsuit.
That's crazy! That wouldn't happen over here in New Zealand.
Unless your home owners insurance covers injuries, etc for people's on your property. That's how I always understood it.
NTA
i think its time to remind your former ILs that these are your properties and as they do not seem to think of you as family, neither are them to you anymore so their privilege to use your properties are indefinitely revoked.
Then take every key from them, or change the locks on the properties.
Agreed on all counts! Maybe they're under the impression that this was marital property but they need to be put straight on who owns it.
Even if it were marital property, the spouse inherits everything unless there was a will. So they still have no claim to the property.
NTA. Change the locks immediately. If you have a key hidden in a fake rock, remove it.
And cameras!
I think we might be heading into another vacation house saga like the one that started when the guy dodged his niblings' attempt to push him into the pool.
Turns out the sisters and their husbands had been short-term renting out OP's cabin to their friends for ages. They did not take kindly to losing access.
I remember that one.
It sounds like OP’s neighbors alerted him to the party. OP needs to go talk to the neighbors and ask if the ex-in-laws have used the house before without him being there. At this point, OP needs to send a legal notice that they are no longer allowed to use either house.
Anyone have a link to this one? Sounds riveting and outrageous
It wasn’t to their friends. It was to strangers
I came here to say this. Well, I didn't think about the hidden key, but yeah. And better - surprise them with it. Don't tell them the locks are changed, and the next time they show up without you, will they be shocked!
NTA
Did you ever know that you're my hero?
You are everything I want to be.
Seriously though, the fact that they used your property and tried to hide it, I think your Nuclear War option was totally justified. They fucked around, they found out.
Fr tho, this is the feel good post of the week here istg
Ikr? All the doormats we read about and here comes op, spine shining like Olympic gold!!! Im so proud and my feely goods are high rn 💜
Never ever allow them again to use it. The nerve of them. It’s disgusting.
Don't even speak to them. They are dead to us.
The fact that they feel they're entitled enough to use it. unbelievable.
NTA. They held a party that you were not invited to, on YOUR property, without your permission. For MULTIPLE DAYS. And BRAGGED ABOUT IT at the time.
Seriously, wtf these people think they are?! I assume it included strangers that could potentially get hurt and leave you liable. I bet you they wouldn't have bothered cleaning any of it up afterwards.
There is no other way to handle this. You did right and good. Honestly, there was no other method to go about this which would have not ended with them punching you or worse. Honestly, where is the younger brother demanding to know how mom and dad set up a party without the host? I don't know you and I would have been begging for your forgiveness for the parents AH behavior and entitlement.
When you put it like that, I’m really glad they got arrested too.
NTA. They could have asked to use your property for those dates and even lied about the purpose to not hurt your feelings, but instead they trespassed. It's not even about the lack of invitation (which is rude AF) but they DIDN'T HAVE YOUR PERMISSION to be there!
Exactly. I can't believe I had to scroll down so far to find a response pointing this out. Leaving aside the unbelievable rudeness of not inviting him, they were literally engaging in illegal behaviour by holding a party on someone else's property without their permission or knowledge. Not only is OP NTA, he didn't go far enough in my opinion. He should have pressed charges.
And if anyone were injured at that party OP would have been liable to pay out! Nuts!
Do the brothers & sisters know that not only you were not invited but that you weren't aware/they hadn't asked permission to hold the event?
If so & they are still siding with your in-laws they are the AH; certainly not you.
Right now, I don’t know too much about who knows what details. I only know that sides are being taken because the fiancé reached out to me on Instagram and gave me a brief update on what’s happened and where she stands. The oldest sister and her husband have been by my primary residence but they haven’t said much. They just wanted to check on me and then they went on their way.
Also, the whole permission thing is kind of shaky to me right now. Before my husband died, he always spoke to me about his parents wanting to do anything at the lake. So although they technically never asked permission in the past, they still alerted me through him that they would be there. This is the first time I’ve found that they’ve been up there without having said a thing to me.
Do not let them go there again! They do not deserve the right to use your property. They gave that up when they didn’t ask and didn’t invite you.
I'm sorry your in-laws are assholes. I'm sure your husband would be very ashamed and angry about this.
NTA. They lied, tried to hide it, and trespassed to property that they have zero claim to. They got exactly what they deserved.
The size of the balls necessary to throw a party on someone else property without permission and without an invite is monumental. Babe the blue ox size balls. They broke the law every step of the way and then their entitlement and drunkenness got them arrested. The fact everyone there knew it was your property but chose to disrespect you to this level makes me question the moral compass of the entire bunch. NTA
I wonder if they were passing the place off as their property to impress the fiancée’s family.
Very very likely. Can you imagine what the fiancés family thought? Sorry but I would question the family my daughters marrying into.
God. I’d be telling my daughter to run for the hills, especially since the groom was angry at OP. The absolute entitlement would make me very, very worried for my daughter’s future.
NTA
If you were a woman I would have advised having a police escort with you for safety purposes. Sooo... I'd say this is a good idea for safety purposes irrespective of gender!
These people are delusional. The lake house goes hand in hand with having an authentic relationship with YOU. The heights of delusion here on their part is astounding.
Arrogant delusional entitlement. Wow. Did I miss anything ?
I would be going over the entire property and making notes of the damages they caused. Then take them to court. ( theft of services, theft of the use of the property. Cost of changing the locks. Damages to the property, cost of cleanups)
I’d get it ultra cleaned by professionals and bill them for it.
Looking at this from a British perspective, I'm astounded that OP was able to get law enforcement to come out and assist him so easily.
These days, we can have actual burglars and they might come out next week to take a statement.
If you’re rich or lucky!
Make sure they never get access to the lake house again. They don't like you that's okay, but to also use you for your property and treat you like crap is a no. If you don't like me then you wont use my things, absolutely not.
NTA. Change all the locks and add cameras if you don't have them already.
NTA
Sue them for the costs of cleanup and any damages. And set up cameras at both houses.
Yta to yourself though.
You’ve been trying soo hard for years to get people that don’t like and will never like you approval. I hope that you can become strong enough to never put yourself in this kind of situation again. Why would they think that they need to treat you with respect ? They haven’t before and it has always worked out in their favour. The reality is as much as you want to be they don’t see you as family.
Yeah…I’ve got some unpacking to do.
OP, you tried. Sometimes you need to conserve your effort for people who deserve you. It's not a bad lesson to learn. Good people have to create boundaries from folks like these. Know your worth!
I think that side of your family ended with the loss of your partner. Good wishes
Not much to unpack they are using you. Stop letting them use you. They pretty much severed the relationship with this move and knew it.
I hope your next family deserves you.
It's all good, you learned the hard way but sometimes that's how we have to learn. Some of us (raising my hand) obsessively worry that we should have given more chances so we need there to be a Big Incident for us to finally draw that boundary. We can beat ourselves up for not having done it sooner but the past is in the past so why bother?
This way you'll never torture yourself that maybe it could have worked out with them, that maybe you should have given them more chances, that maybe our reason for setting the bridge on fire was more nebulous than we thought. You won't have to endure that. They very clearly violated your trust and bragged about it loudly enough for the neighbors to hear.
No doubt you di the right thing, and there is comfort in that.
Forgot to add. NTA!
I'm sorry they really showed their whole ass to you with this stunt. Your husband would be appalled.
How did they get in? If they have keys, change those locks.
There was a hidden lockbox that held a couple keys in it. I don’t know if anyone has ever had copies of those keys made over the years, but I paid the neighbor’s husband to change all of the locks.
NTA, and put up cameras. These people have no respect and can't be trusted: with their sense of entitlement, they'd think nothing of literally breaking in.
Or burning the place down out of spite.
You’re going to need cameras also.
There is a high chance they come back and damage the property…
And get rid of the lock boxes. Because even if you change the locks and you put the new keys in there, they still know where they're located.
NTA. You went the nuclear route and in this situation it was deserved. Your husband’s siblings should be ashamed of themselves for not stopping this when they had the chance.
Could you have handled things differently? Yes.
Should you have handled things differently? No.
You are one person dealing with a large amount of people, and alcohol has been flowing for a while... days, even.
And they're using your property without permission.
Of course you evict them.
If you had tried confronting them alone, there could have been altercations. You could have been injured. Your property could have been damaged. They could have ganged up and evicted you from your own premises because they had the numbers and you were alone.
So, of course you do it via the authorities. For your own safety, and for sheer efficiency, you send in the police.
What happened after that was entirely the parents' own behaviour and fault.
You handled this in exactly the right way to ensure your safety and the safety of your own property. You will now need to do something about the property's security so that no-one can use it without your permission again.
NTA.
NTA. Drastic assholes deserve drastic measures.
NTA. If they wanted the use of your property, the least they could do is ask even if you’re not invited. The gall of them to hold a party at a property they do not own nor asked for permission to use. They deserve to be charged and dragged through the public shame machine. They probably thought your husband owned half of it and you wouldn’t do that to them. You need to assess damages and take them to court to recoup it.
Man, that was some planned, calculated rudeness, with a big F U. You handled it very well. Put it all behind you ❤️
NTA
I love your spine
I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband.
I would never ever let that side of the family use your property again. EVER
The obnoxious entertainment is off the charts on this one.
Someone shows up on your property unannounced and holds a party on that property without permission?
Hell no. They're exactly where they belong.
I mean you could've handle things differently, but I'm glad you didn't. Too many people react to bigotry by being passive-aggressive, basically letting the bad guys win most of the time. I'm proud of you for giving them the same energy they gave you, you didn't care about their feelings, and deservedly so. They didn't deserve consideration.
NTA.
NTA. Apart from an invite, which you may or may not have wanted to take up, the absolute minimum would surely be to ask for your permission to use the properties. Without that, you were completely entitled to ask them to leave.
NTA. They were on your property without permission, that’s all that matters. The fact they were AH’s about it just makes it that much more justified.
They threw a party at your house without even asking if it were ok, let alone not inviting you to said event—yeah, I’d have called the police too. And change the locks on the houses. NTA.
Drastic, for sure. Did you burn some bridges, probably. In the wrong? Obviously not in the eyes of the law.
It seems like your in-laws fucked around and found out. Pretty entitled of them if you ask me.
I’m pretty sure you already know this though….
Burn bridges. Didn’t they do that to her by using her properly and not inviting her?
Him, not her.
His* Otherwise im sure they would be jumping to invite, the fucking bigots.
NTA. when they didn’t care about your feelings why should you be nice to them. I like you being you.
NTA. That was very hurtful of them. I'd suggest staying close to the ones that are standing up for you, and keeping distance from the ones that don't respect you and your marriage.
And you have my deepest sympathies in regard to your loss. My own partner died suddenly after 24 years together. I know what it's like and I'm sorry you're going through it.
NTA. Change locks. This plain disrespect should be ended long time ago.
They used your property without permission and lied to you about having a party to exclude you. They deliberately did that and while the parents definitely did this, surely the younger brother knew and almost anyone in the family who knew it was your house and not your husband's and that you weren't invited should also have a problem with what the parents and brother did.
NTA. Time to retrieve any keys they have and very formally uninvite them from any access to the property.
It's very obvious to anyone with a brain that if you plan a party you ASK the owner if it's free that day/weekend. LIke you might have been planning to use it that weekend, it's your priority, them using it is a favour, not a right.
It's time to have pointed conversations with other people in that family and ask why they didn't tell you what was going on and why they thought it was okay to deliberately mislead you so you weren't there. Anyone who doesn't have a good answer feels the same about you as the parents do, anyone who says they thought you'd be there and were surprised/upset, are people you might want to keep in your life.
You dropped this 👑
I would invest in some cameras
NTA but I have to admit I am a little blown by the fact that you are more upset about not being invited than you are about the fact that they were using your property for DAYS without your permission. I don’t understand how any of these people are split in opinion on this. This was a very clear and major violation. They quite literally BROKE INTO YOUR HOME. I am going to go ahead and guess that you have historically been a very big pushover with this family and never asserted yourself. They felt able to do what they did because you likely allowed them to treat you that way from the beginning. I am glad you are showing a backbone now but you really need to just cut these people off entirely. They are never going to accept you. Their only interest in you is to take advantage.
NTA
Nobody can possibly justify holding a party in someone else’s house without their permission.
NTA. Sorry for your loss too.
I’m just here to say I’m really sorry for your loss.
(And definitely NTA. That they could do this to their late son’s love and best friend, while you are still grieving, makes them even more TA!!)
Well done. 👏👏👏👏
NTA. Your in laws' entitlement is galling!
They used your home without your permission. The nerve of them! That's the reason to have them kicked out. The fact that you weren't invited was just the bitter icing on the cake. NTA.
NTA honestly that did they think your reaction was gonna be?
Not only were their actions incredibly rude and entitled, you would be legally liable if anything happened to the guests.
I guess you know what they always thought of you now. I feel bad for your BIL'S fiance, but him and the of his family that think it was okay to do this are absolutely the AH's. I would absolutely change the locks or whatever you need to do to ensure they never have access again. I'd also thank whichever neighbor tipped you off. They did you a solid and hopefully will be as vigilant going forward
Anyone who thinks you could have handled it better is free to not visit your lake House going forward.
They helped themselves to your lake houses, and didn’t invite your? The audacity. What made them think that they had unfettered access to your property?
You are NTA, and you handled it exactly the right way. My guess, is you had called or drove up alone to ask them to leave, they would have ignored you. Your in-laws are horrible people.
They borrowed your house without asking AND didn't invite you. WOW.
Did the brother who was guest of honor KNOW that they didn't have permission and or that you weren't invited? Because if the parents planned it all, and simply told them you couldn't be there, then I feel bad their party was cut short. (still warranted though)
But if they knew.... Yikes.
NTA. And get the locks changed
On what planet does someone think they can have free access to a property they do not own, to throw a party. The sheer audacity. Glad they got arrested
This is going to be good. Updateme!
NTA- They BROKE INTO your houses and threw a party. Wtaf!
NTA remotely. The house is good enough for them to use but you aren't even "good enough" to invite, just be taken advantage of for favors. Nope, these people behave badly and deserve what they get.
Maybe you should ask the siblings why they and their parents PLANNED things the way they did. Why did they feel it was okay to throw a large overnight party at your property without asking you and flat-out lie about having an engagement party at all? Also why, if they didn't feel you merited an invitation as family, did they think they merited free access to the lakehouses you and your family own, with not just you but your brothers having legal and financial responsibility if anything happened? Turn their questions/anger right around and say how hurt you were that they not only betrayed your trust and love but put you in an untenable position since you are only one of the co-owners of the property. Please tell us what they say when you shine the light back on them.
It's doubtful the siblings were unaware of their parents' actions as it was acknowledged that you were excluded. At the very least, if they didn't know before, they would have found out that weekend and common decency would have been for one of them to call you and ask forgiveness and permission. Even if the parents made all the decisions, they chose to look the other way and said not a word to you. Did the youngest brother call you up at any point and say, Thanks, you're so generous to let us use your property for my engagement? Or apologize since? If I were his fiancee, I'd be thinking hard about the character of the man I was marrying.
The ones trying to cast shade on your actions are only gaslighting because their own were inexcusable. Point out that you "handled" the situation with more respect for them than they had for you. You could have had everyone arrested for tresppassing, instead you just asked that they leave. The parents got themselves arrested. There are so many AH in this story but you are NTA by a long lakeside mile.
Fuck no, NTA! That's some real bullshit right there. Top level fuckery on their behalf.
Absolutely NTA. Using your property under false pretences and wilfully excluding you because of their stupid prejudices? They’re lucky they only caught the consequences that happened.
Classic case of FAFO. I’d be going LC or even NC with the lot of them.
NTA - the level of audacity here is breathtaking! To have a party at YOUR house and not invite you! Please go NC with the whole family, none of them deserves your attention
Your husband would have been horrified at his family. They are terrible entitled people. So sorry for your loss.
OP, I’m so sorry this happened to you. It’s got to hurt to lose the brother as a friend, on top of the loss of your husband so recently. Wishing you peace.
The sheer audacity of those x in-laws was staggering. To disrespect you so blatantly and illegally trespass on the property whilst not even talking to you goes beyond malicious. I noticed it was only the brothers Fiance that understood and agreed with you shows, blood is not thicker than water and she may not have even realized what was being played out on you. She may want to look at that family a bit deeper as to whether they are the kind of people to be involved around.
NTA… the nerve of your in-laws for throwing a party at your property without your permission!! Plus lying about having a party and not inviting you! They should be ashamed of themselves instead of being mad at you.
NTA. But the fact that you didn’t even mention that they didn’t ask to use the property is weird. Like that’s the glaring issue here. They don’t like you and they never asked, they just broke in.
OP let them use the houses “for whenever they wanted” and “it was never an issue.” It doesn’t necessarily sound like they asked permission every time. So maybe the parents are technically are NTAs for using the houses without telling OP.
But. They are utter and complete AHs for lying about not having a party and for not inviting OP. So rude. So cruel.
The parents are jacka$$es but the brother takes the cake. The parents didn’t pretend to like OP, but the youngest brother was OP’s friend. He didn’t insist OP be invited to his own engagement party, he didn’t say no to having the party at the houses under these circumstances, he didn’t try to explain anything to OP, and he has the AUDACITY to be mad at OP.
I take it back. The parents were allowed access to the houses because of the relationship with OP as in-laws. The parents are not honoring the relationship, but still using the houses. F@&$head a$$holes.
Scorched earth is the way to go with the entitlement crew. Good on you! I’m sorry for your loss ✌🏻
Nta these people threw a party on someone else's property without permission, wth do they think they are?!
Nta. Change the locks of your house and put a no trespassing sign.
NTA; they knowingly and intentionally had a HUGE party on your property and mislead you into believing they would not be doing that. I would also trespass the family from the property and have them arrested if they ever showed up there again.
Change the locks make sure they know trespassing will cause arrest next time better ask permission but the parents I wouldn’t do anything for
How did they get in???
I'd be doing more than get them escorted off the property, I'd file charges. Burn that bridge.
100% with you. 100% outrage that there are ridiculous. Horrible probably phobic behavior. And I'm really sorry for your loss. I guess you need to change the locks. What a horrible people.
Why are the rest of the family split. Do these people usually rock up at someone's house without asking and having a party. Change the locks and tell them that they are not permitted to use you or your property for their gain or parties. They can pony up for a venue. The audacity of these clowns is hilarious. Nta and anyone telling you different shows how low their morals and values are.
NTA and I am growing soooo allergic to "could have handled it differently", because they never actually follow it up with something tangible.
You need to change all locks, give your brothers a heads up and completely remove these people from the "family guest list". These homes are no longer available to anyone of them without prior approval and / payment upfront.
Your relationship with them is done. Cut all contact and move on with your life. NTA
So they trespassed and broke in to throw a party?
I’d want them arrested
And how did they get in? Y’all need to change the locks and get some cameras in that joint.
Also, buy your neighbors a suitcase of their favorite beer, they did you a solid
Nta. Could you have handled things differently? Sure. Should you have? Nope
NTA They don’t get to only consider you family when they want something you have. If you’re family they would’ve invited you to the party. So they don’t consider you family and you were right to boot them.
NTA - they literally broke into your house and threw a party without your consent. Not only was it morally wrong, it was illegal too. Screw them: fucked around and found out the hard way.
NTA - The blatant disrespect towards you minimally earned a Sheriff eviction.
Sorry for your loss. This event was also disrespectful to your husband; their son.
Nta, i wish I could have seen those jerks being arrested
Nta. They used your family property for thier party. Didnt ask. And didn't invite. Nope. Thats on them. Send them a certified letter stating they are no longer allowed on any od yoir properties and be done with them.
I think the fiance should run far away from this family! She is the only decent person who was there.
NTA
If someone got hurt on your property YOU would be the one responsible for their medical bills!!
So they don't like you enough to invite you to the party they hosted on your property without your knowledge or consent and they think you're TA?
These people are some kind of entitled. You weren't under the obligation to handle it better. They lied to you and then hosted the event you asked about on your property without your consent. They could have handled it better. They had multiple opportunities to get it right or correct their path. You responded to their deception. They're TA. 💯
Why did YOU have to go there with the cops? You could have gotten away with cops saying the owner was clear no one was supposed to be here so y'all MUST be trespassing.
Since you showed up, now they can try to guilt you.
I'd consider adding cameras.
NTA, the AUDACITY of those people!! Also, how stupid can they be to think you wouldn’t find out?? And how would they have known if you or any of your family would already be using it at the same time if they hadn’t asked?? They’re lucky that wasn’t the case as then the wedding would’ve presumably been off! What morons!
100% NTA, and possibly my new hero. What kind of entitled a-holes have a party on someone else's property, lie to the owner about the specific event, and then get hammered and talk to the neighbor who I'm sure they know you're close with.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
You should definitely send them a cleaning bill.
NTA. You have to be real assholes to use someone's property for a party and not invite them and that's without getting into the layers of shit in the extra context.
NTA how sad, Im so sorry for your loss. I cannot believe they went and had a party at your house without 1) asking you and 2) inviting you, how unbelievably stupid AND cruel can they be. Did it not even occur to them that someone might report it?
Haha, fuck em. I mean they're definitely assholes, and to not be invited to an event on your own property is preposterous. A complete lack of grace and civility on the part of your in laws.
Who cares what they think? These are the people who thought it was ok to throw a party at someone else's house without inviting the owner? Who tf does that?
Clearly they were ashamed of you but not ashamed enough to use you. Fuck those pigs. NTA in anyway.
They showed you what they thought of you so you showed them what you thought of them.
NTA but the in laws are. They did not even have the courtesy to ask permission? How rude. The whole weekend and not invite you. See ya. They don’t treat you like family. Tell them next time they want to use the Lake House there will be a non refundable charge. That’s how to treat people who are not family
The in-laws didn't get permission from OP & his brothers to use their lakehouse for the engagement party & they expected what?!
NTA OP.
Your in-laws are AH. You'll be well rid of them.
Honestly… NTA.
This is epic level tomfuckery from them. They are throwing a multi house engagement bash IN YOUR HOUSE and you aren’t invited?
Yes you could have handled it differently… but they closed most of the ‘reasonable’ options down when they didn’t tell you about it. They are lucky they aren’t being charged with partying in a house illegally - you didn’t actually know they were going to be there. They are lucky the riot squad didn’t treat this as an illegal house party! The reasonable option of being able to say “No, I don’t agree” was taken away from you when it was done secretly.
If you’d rung them when you found out about this, when they were already staying there mid party, do you think they’d have happily shut it all down and politely vacated the premises? Hahahah. No.
NTA. They didn't just disrespect you, THEY LIED.
No one has even mentioned that they also obviously didn't ask permission to use the property. Op did the right thing for calling the cops.
Common consensus that *you* could have handled it differently?
How about the ILs? They could have asked you for permission, but they didn’t. They could have invited you, but they didn’t. They could have refrained from mouthing off to the neighbors, but they didn’t.
You did the right thing.
NTA
They thought they had the right to your property. I would have done the same.
Your parents in law have a lot of nerve not only not inviting you, but using YOUR property without YOUR permission!!
NTA
MiL is a big ole AH and newly engaged BiL is an AH too, if he doesn't realize how wrong it was and how rude they didn't invite you!
NTA
They weren’t entities to use your houses! That’s breaking and entering because they aren’t owners or legal tenants and didn’t have permission to be there.
It sounds like if they’d have asked, you would have allowed it. It’s a shame they ruined any chance of a relationship with you because they couldn’t bother to ask.
You have a responsibility to protect your assets! You’re liable if anyone gets hurt. You need to cooperate with the authorities and go NC with all of them.
I’m so sorry for your loss
Get a ring doorbell so you’re notified if they return.
You handled it badly? Nah. What were you gonna do? Go over there and personally ask the people that were there without permission to leave? And they're drunk?
That's a confrontation you did not need to deal with.
Besides that it was INCREDINLY irresponsible of them. What if there was property damage? What if someone got hurt? That would have been on you.
If you still want your in laws (like the brothers and sisters, screw the parents) to be able to use the property, I would make them aware that from now on they have to ask a month in advance and fill out paper work that lists them as legally liable for any damages or injuries that happen on the property. They also are not allowed to use the property unless you are present.
And ANYONE who complains about this when you inform them has the additional condition added that they have to pay you to use it.
1000% NTA
NTA they are homophobic garbage, cut them out and get on with your life. I'm so sorry you lost your husband.
They were trespassing, how they got in nobody knows.
How dare they break in and illegally enter your family's property.
They knew exactly what they did.
You did the right thing.
If there's any damage I'd sue them for that, as well as the cost of changing the locks.
NTA
They don't dislike you, they hate you. If they disliked you they would have invited you. To actively lie to you about everything to prevent you from knowing about the event is HATRED. The lack of courteousy by youngest brother to even thank you for using your beach houses for the party means he 100% knew you were being prevented from coming, the way he has taken his parents side is proof. Cut these cancer cells out of your social circle, otherwise they will cause nothing but problems. nta and it's not even close, your actions are completely justified.
They hate you, but love your lakehouse. Whatever are they supposed to do?? Treat you like a human being? Nooooo. That might imply they have respect for you. You're NTA.
The fucking audacity.
NTA
LOL I mean, I wouldn’t have gone scorched earth, but I like the cut of your jib.
If I wasn't invited to a party on my own property that was thrown by my ex in-laws I would go scorched earth too
Sure, you COULD have handled things differently, but NTA. The audacity of holding a party at your property after lying and saying they weren't having a big celebration at all? Tell the groom-to-be that the lack of criminal charges for trespassing is his wedding present, if his fiancée doesn't look at the situation and decide to GTFO while she can.
NTA and fuck em baby! I’m sorry for your loss.
You need to change your locks and install a security system on your lake homes. The In-Laws may try to use them again.