this is a community like r/AmITheAsshole except unlike that subreddit here you can post interpersonal conflicts, anything that's AITA but is not allowed there even posting about Scar from the lion king and trying to convince redditors that he was not the AH. rules: don't berate others and no pornography we have children here
My (47F) husband (47M) asked for a separation on our 14th anniversary, while we were away in a foreign country to celebrate. While we weren’t as close as we used to be, we almost never fought and generally enjoyed each others company and families. We do not have any children.
The night before our anniversary, he brought up he wasn’t very happy in the relationship but didn’t know why. The next morning, I asked to see his phone and he said no. He said I would find “flirty” messages with one or more other women on it. He had made some female friends through school and work and he said felt like there might be someone out there who was a better fit for him.
I said I did not want to do a trial separation, as I don’t believe you can work on something if you aren’t living together. If he wanted to separate it would be final. He understood but said it was something he HAD to do.
After being away for only 2 days, we rebooked our flights home, flew home and he packed some belongings and left. 7 days later he asked to come home and we started marriage counselling. He had a lot of trouble admitting he had at least one emotional affair. The counselling was not helpful, he was defensive and not open to it. I suspect something physical happened with the other woman but I do not have any proof. He had deleted all his “flirty” texts, snapchat, etc so I could not see them.
After 4 weeks of living together again and attending counselling sessions, he decided he no longer wanted to try to save the marriage and he was leaving. He packed up and left a few hours later. He stayed with a friend, found a new apartment and signed a one year lease.
I was devastated and even had to take time off work to process what had happened and attend individual counselling.
After a 4 weeks, I started to feel a bit better. I went out for drinks with a group of four coworkers that live in my area and found I really enjoyed one of them (42M) a lot. I had only met him over Zoom before this. We started seeing each other a couple times a week. Quite quickly it grew into a truly amazing, loving relationship. I’ve stayed in counselling throughout as it wasn’t easy to process the sudden ending of my long term marriage at the same time as beginning something new. It’s been about 7 months now.
My ex-husband eventually decided he wanted to try to save the marriage again, but I declined. He says I’m TA for starting a new relationship so quickly (within 6 weeks of him leaving). Our relationship was over as I can no longer trust him, and he has hurt me immensely. I do not want a relationship with someone I cannot trust. Am I TA for moving on?