r/relationship_advice

TLDR; husband upset a man tattooed me

I recently started a traditional sleeve. It's going to be pieced together and I found a really good (male) artist nearby. I don't know many women in my area who do trad style, I really like his work, and he had availability and great prices so I just went for it. The first one I got, my husband was fine with. I told him before I reached out to the artist, showed him his IG, showed him the flower I was getting. After the appointment, I called him to let him know it went well, he was cool, and he's a powerlifter so we talked about the gym a lot.

The artist had missed a spot and had let me know to come in and he would give me a good price on my next one. So I sent him a couple of things and made an appointment for two more (my arm felt so incomplete with just one!). My husband knew about this appointment. The day of (yesterday), he was very distant. I invited him to come with me, but he said no. So I left, got them done, and came home. Now it's been almost 24 hours and he has not really spoken to me.

Today he came to me and said he's upset because I let another man mark me forever before he got to mark me.

He knew I wanted a sleeve. I've been showing him pictures of tattoos for months. He knows I have had issues with my body my whole life. He knew I never felt confident enough to be myself and do the things i want to do - and he was happy that I was finally trying to become the person I always wanted to be. My insta is literally full of girls working out, traditional tattoos, and girls working out with tattoos. I've wanted them for YEARS and I'm finally doing it.

Edit: he is not and has never been a tattoo artist.

I am a psych nurse practitioner with 3 years experience and my wife is a nurse. We live in Ohio and make around 200k a year together-me 135k and her around 65k. We have 2 kids-3 and 10 months.

I recently got a once in a lifetime job opportunity out in Oregon. An old coworker of mine moved out there and reached out to me with the offer. The pay is 115/hr (240k/year), up to 40k in bonuses per year, 20k sign on bonus, 10k relocation bonus, 401k and pension, 6 weeks PTO, no weekends or holidays, and 25k a year towards any student loans I currently have-which is 60k. Nurses out there also make really good money, have better ratios and work conditions, pensions, free healthcare, etc. my wife’s income would also more than double. Our household income would more than double and even with cost of living differences, we would come out SIGNIFICANTLY ahead of where we are now.

The issue is, my wife absolutely refuses to move. She said we don’t absolutely need the money, her home is here along with all our friends and family, she doesn’t want to move across the country and start over, she wants our kids close to family, and her grandparents may have 10 years left and she wants to be close to them and see them often (she sees them almost daily). While I do understand where she’s coming from, moving will allow us to retire decades earlier, set up our children’s future, we will have more time with the kids, we can take more vacations and make memories, and can fly out frequently to see family. She still refused and said she’s not moving at all.

I suggested moving out there for a couple of years and she shot that down. I suggested I could fly out there and work then come home on my days off but she pointed out that logistically that’s not feasible long term and to be honest, she’s right. I also don’t want to leave my kids for that long. I just don’t know what to do. I feel like resentment will fester in the future if I don’t take the job of in being honest with myself. I’m looking for insight and outside perspectives

Also wanted to add, I asked and remote is not an option. It is onsite only

Hi everyone!

I’m in a bit of a dilemma and need some input…

My healthcare situation has been a mess for the past year or so. My family doctor closed his practice in fall of 2023, leaving me without a primary care provider amidst an ongoing health issue that has caused me unbearable pain — unbearable as in I’ve visited the ER thrice since October 2023.

Given the circumstances, I turned to a telehealth service in December 2023. The system in my country (Canada) is overwhelmed, and it’s difficult to get timely and thorough care (my BF is very aware of this). My telehealth doctor sent me for ultrasounds, which revealed two hernias.

After a long wait (about 5 months), I finally got an appointment for a surgical consultation. The telehealth doctor overseeing my case called me at 9 pm on a Friday (tonight) to confirm that I received notice of my surgical consult scheduled for Monday. I appreciated this call because any mix-up would mean waiting another five months for a reschedule. Also because most doctors here don’t bother with follow-ups.

However, when my boyfriend overheard the call, he was immediately upset about the time of the call. He argued that it was highly inappropriate for my doctor to contact me so late. I tried to explain the urgency and the typical after hours work that telehealth doctors do, but he wasn’t having it.

The discussion took a turn when he began using air quotes while referring to my “doctor” and revisited a previous time where I had a pap smear done by my previous male family doctor, questioning the appropriateness of it, despite my assurances that it was strictly professional and that doctor was the most competent I’ve had in my 27 years on earth.

I acknowledged his feelings, saying I understood why it might seem odd to him, given that telehealth and such late interactions weren’t common during his time (he’s Gen X). But no matter how much I tried to reassure him of the professionalism involved, he accused me of defending the doctor!!!!

The conversation escalated, and in frustration, I told him (in tears) he was bullying me with his continuous accusations and lack of trust. This led him to say that I was turning things around, thus labeling me as the bully. I told him I didn’t want to argue, and I thought we were on the same page until he slammed the bedroom door on me and muttered that I “don’t ever back down.” :/

I’m really at a loss here… I was trying to stand my ground and explain the situation from a rational perspective, but now I’m second guessing myself. I’m wondering what went wrong here…? Is there anything I could have done differently?

TLDR; struggling with health issues and without a regular doctor, I appreciated a late call (9 pm) from my telehealth doctor confirming an appointment for a surgical consultation. My boyfriend was upset by the timing and questioned the professionalism, accusing me of defending the doctor. Despite trying to explain the situation, he called me a bully for standing up for myself.

Edit/Update:

Too long, so I posted it as a comment.