Q&As

I 27F have been married to my husband 34M for over a year. We’ve been together for 6 years. He’s a gym freak which I don’t have a problem with except for when he sometimes tries to impose his routine on me (pressure me into adopting his dietary habits). I exercise too (I’m 5'6"/130 lbs) but I enjoy my food and nothing will change that. that’s not what I’m posting about tho.

Lately I can't wear a dress without him telling me I look good but that I would've looked better if I had that breast augmentation surgery. He never complained about my breasts for 6 years until the past 4-5 months. I’ve told him before that I’m not against it but not planning to get one (it took me years to regain my confidence because my mother used to make hurtful remarks about my chest like if it's something I didn't achieve).

A few days ago we were having sex and he didn’t hesitate to remind me "again" that I would look 10 times better with the implants which turned me off instantly. I don't remember what I exactly said but I said something along the lines of "I know how it feels. nevermind you’re the perfect size. the big ones hurt anyway" He got mad and called me immature and all. Mind you he’s been pressuring me to have the surgery for 4 months now and I never snapped at him. Edit: (I'm an a-cup)

Yesterday we were getting ready to go to his friend’s wedding but I ended up staying home. He brought up the surgery again and I snapped at him. I reminded him that we dated for 5 years before we got married. He had plenty of time to realize that I'm not good enough for him and break up with me to find a woman who has what he’s looking for. (I do have eyes. He’s right I’m flat chested but I have a nice body overall). He said he loves me and wants to be with me but feels he could be more attracted to me with bigger breasts. I ended up telling him to go alone. I can't shake off the feeling that our recent arguments are taking us down a toxic path. It's not the kind of relationship I want for us.

Is this worth considering divorce over? Other than this we do get along very well but I feel like he’s taking me back to the days when I would stand in front of the mirror for minutes thinking I would never find a man who would like me if I myself don't like what I'm seeing.

Edit: for the weirdos asking/going to for pics to see if they're a handful or not. I'm asking if his behavior is acceptable or not. Not if I'm really flat chested. I am. I don't need to send any pics for you to judge.

My husband and I recently moved into the same city as his childhood best friend "Steve". Steve is allergic to all nuts, legumes and soy. Because of this, my husband wants our house to have a rule that we're not to have nuts in the house in case he comes over.

I think this is a dumb rule and refuse to comply. I did agree to keep my nut-based products in a separate container, but my husband thinks that this isn't enough. I'm allergic to wheat, and we still have it in the house.

I also think it's unnecessary. I don't know the extent of Steve's allergies, but I do not it's not immediately life threatening, he doesn't carry an EpiPen, and he also works in food service and frequently handles nuts. Being in the same room isn't going to hurt him. As long as we don't serve him food with nuts and watch for cross-contamination, we should be fine.

The foods that Steve is allergic to are a big part of my diet. Also, this is where I live, not Steve, so I feel like I shouldn't have to cater to the possibility that he might come over at some point in future. But my husband is worried he'll accidentally cause his friend to have an allergic reaction if we don't keep the entire house free of allergens. AITA for refusing to go along with that?

OP:

After posting, my husband and I continued to discuss the situation. I held firm and iterated again I will not live with a child and if my husband wants to pursue this, he will have to find other housing

We discussed divorce. We discussed temporarily separating. We discussed a lot. We sat down and had a pretty big financial talk (he is not involved in our financial planning) I showed him the numbers he realistically had to work with.

I told my husband the truth, that while I love him, I won't lose sleep if we divorce. He has to do what's right for his own happiness and his kid.

My husband had a bit of a breakdown over that. There was a lot of crying and him telling me that he loved me and didn't want to lose me. I broke down myself. We had a real good cry together. He asked if we could go back to our marriage counselor.

So, I made an appointment. We went. We discussed the same things above but with a counselor present.

It basically boils down to my husband being very overwhelmed and conflicted about everything. He confessed he didn't really want to be an active parent but feels like he is supposed to (there's some deep stuff in there about his own family and race tied into that. So complicated emotions). He is terrified of losing me. He wants to prioritize our marriage. Hearing me say that I wouldn't lose sleep over divorcing left him shook.

Our counselor strongly suggested that my husband get into individual therapy and gave some referrals. My husband has not pursued that.

It did become pretty obvious to my husband that he was not in a place mentally or financially where he could take full custody though. So the kid is now in Virginia with maternal grandparents.

My husband was actually going to go and visit the kid for their birthday this weekend. I gifted my husband some of my airline miles to buy his plane ticket. I did his laundry last night while he was at work so he'd have clean stuff to pack.

However, my husband dropped the ball on his trip. I had a plans for this afternoon that I left early for so I wasn't home when he was supposed to get up and leave. He stayed up late playing video games last night and overslept. Ended up missing his flight and couldn't afford last minute tickets on another. He's in a pissy mood and is playing elder scrolls now trying to get his mind off of it.

I've got my sister and some friends coming over in a few for a salsa canning party in a bit so I'm hoping he gets into a good grove with his game because I am going to have so much margarita.

Aita? I feel very stuck on what to do or if I overreacted. I (24F) have an older sister (33F). I had my sons really young at 15 and 18 with my ex boyfriend. My sister was already out of the house when I had my youngest so she didnt do any childcare (not that I expected her to), just important for context.

Im really lucky to say that my ex is a very involved father and we have an equal coparenting schedule we decided out of court for years. We do one month on, one month off. We live in the same city so this doesn't affect their schooling and we’ve been doing it since we broke up at 18. I understand a month is a long time, but during the time they're away I still see them by taking them to the park, doing drop offs, movie/dinner night, even “sleepovers” where they’ll stay the night and their dad does the same so its not like during that month we’re no contact. We also do nightly Facetimes. I do love that it gives me time to relax and be childfree, hang out with my boyfriend/friends spontaneously, even get to go out of town if I want. I still get to live as a young adult and so does my ex which is why we agreed to the schedule at all.

Its raised controversy if I mention it to other moms because they always say they “can never go away from their children for so long” and make me feel like a shitty mom because I have fun during my month off. Its why I dont really mention it often to other moms. Anyways my older sister just welcomed her first baby last year and it was amazing. We arent the closest because of our age gap but it did bring us closer. Her husband and her separated a few months after his birth and shes been doing it all alone ever since. With the job market how it is, it took her months to even land an interview but she got the job. Sadly childcare in our area is 2k a month and she cant afford it so either the paternal grandmother or I watch him during the week. Our mom would do it but she had to return to work last year to pay the bills she cant. Luckily for me I had my mom to watch the boys when I was underage and when I moved out, but I dont have to worry about childcare since I WFH and my boys are in scho now.

I dont mind watching my nephew, my sister gos in at 6 and gets off at 2 so it doesnt take up much of my day and I usually do it two or three times a week so its not too constant. On Thursday when my sister dropped my nephew off, she had to go downstairs because she forgot his diaper bag and left her purse and phone behind. I live in the eight floor so she was gone for around five minutes. When she left her phone rang and since it was our mom I answered it to say hello. During the call I see a notification pop up of someone liking a message my sister sent: it said “Its crazy how she can watch my son for me but when it comes to hers she doesnt care. I could never go to Jamaica to celebrate a mans birthday when I could be with my kids instead. Deadbeat moms are worse than dads”. It shocked me so much I screenshotted it. My boyfriends birthday is next weekend and we’re going to Jamaica for a week. Its my sons time with their dad. When my sister came back upstairs I acted normal, she said bye and left.

I thought about it a lot and I got more pissed off. Why should I be shamed because I dont have to do it alone? How am I comparable to a deadbeat dad like her husband who hasnt seen their son in months with no contact? Here I am doing her a favor saving her 2k a month she doesnt have all to be insulted in a groupchat with people I dont know? When she came to get my nephew I confronted her.

At first she denied it until I showed her the screenshot, then she said its out of context so I said to show me the full convo then and she refused. She said sorry but didnt seem sorry at all, she just wanted to leave. I asked her to explain how Im a deadbeat, then she broke down in tears saying that SHES a single mon since she receives no help and I am barely a mom so I dont understand how she feels. I told her that to leave and she did. Once she left I called her and told her I wasnt going to be watching my nephew anymore. I didnt want to tell her in person because I know shed try to guilt rip me with even more tears.

She sent me over 50 texts when I wouldnt answer her calls begging me to answer and that shes so sorry and this wasnt supposed to happen and she regrets it. She said she needs me to watch him since his other grandma cant everyday. And that if she gets fired she’ll be out of a job again for months and wont be able to afford her bills. I didnt reply. Now my mom and cousins are all blowing up my phone telling me Im a huge asshole and to change my mind and accept her apology. I feel used and disrespected but also do feel a bit bad since she does need the childcare. AITA?

I moved south so my husband can be close to his family and the cost of living is cheaper. I WFH and he works full time as well. Occasionally the older kids (15-21) will come over and stay. When I cook I will let then know the food is ready and to come and eat. I let them fix their plate and decide what and how much they want. My husband said I should be fixing their plate and bringing it to them. I said no, I don't mind fixing the plate, but I'm not gonna serve dinner to their room or living room, they can get up and come get their food. Beside we have a no eating in the bedroom rule anyway. He said "they are kids, that's how things are done in the south." My response was that they are not little kids or guests and they are old enough to fix their plate or come and get their food. I will fix and bring his plate cause he works and pays the bills. I have an older son in his 20s and since he was a teen I stopped fixing his plate and let him decide what or how much he wanted to eat. He didn't talk to me the rest of the day. The issue is over with and we discussed and I agreed that I have no problem making dinner plates, but I'm not a waitress. It has been on my mind if I'm right or wrong. AITA?

My dad and his wife "Dora" had a terrible fight yesterday which ended with him basically telling her to pack up her shit and leave. It's obvious that they are going to get divorced. Thank god my dad has an ironclad prenup so she won't get anything.

My dad left the house and told me to call him "when the bitch is gone" so that he can return home.

I went to help Dora pack her stuff so that she could leave faster. I saw her packing the jewelries and I had to stop her and told her these are not hers. She got mad and said of course it's hers, these are gifts. I reminded her that no these are family heirlooms and my dad told her she is allowed to use them sometimes not that it's hers. She got really angry but went to pack everything else while cursing me under her breath. After she was done she went to get into the car and I had to stop her again.

I reminded her that the car is in my dad's name therefore it's not hers to take. She got even angrier and yelled "It was a gift to me"

I said ok but are you dumb? It doesn't matter that it was a gift, it wasn't in her name. She was an idiot for not making him put it in her name, no she can't do shit about it.

She called me a fucking bitch and left crying.

My (39M) husband (39M) and I were together for 10 years and married for seven before he unexpectedly died last year. Before and throughout our marriage, his parents never really liked me. I have no proof of this, but I think it was because he was bi and I robbed them of their chance for him to marry a woman and have children. Despite how they felt about me, I was not only always cordial to them, but I allowed them use of my two lake houses for whenever they wanted. The first lake house was owned by my parents since before my brothers and I were born. The second lake house was purchased by my brothers and I when the original owner decided to sell. The houses are right next to each other and perfect for large family gatherings. During our time together, my husband’s family celebrated holidays and extended weekends at the houses. And it was never an issue because I was at almost each of those getaways. Recently, my husband’s youngest brother got engaged and I knew his family would be throwing him and his fiancé a party like they did for all of their kids (except for my husband and I, but we didn’t have a big ceremony or anything, so I can’t prove the lack of party had anything to do with me). I also expected an invitation because I was incredibly friendly with the youngest brother having gone to many sporting events and concerts with him. But no one ever mentioned anything about a party. And when I finally asked the parents, I was told that they weren’t doing anything big. Fast forward to last Monday, and I got a text from one of the neighbors at the lake asking if I’d be joining the family for the party. Come to find out, the whole family was at the lake houses with guests and had been for that entire weekend to celebrate the engagement. At first I wasn’t bothered by not being there, but then I got another text from the neighbor one night telling me that mother-in-law drunkenly admitted that I wasn’t invited. So I drove over an hour to town with the paperwork listing my brothers and I as owners, and showed the sheriff the text message stating I wasn’t invited and told them I wanted everyone off of the properties. The sheriff and some deputies escorted me to the houses to shut the party down. The sheriff entered the party to shut it down telling the guests that the owner wanted everyone gone. Mom and dad in law threw a fit and that’s when the sheriff arrested them for public intoxication. Youngest brother is mad at me, but his fiancé is on my side. The brothers and sisters are also split as to whether or not I was wrong. But there seems to be a common consensus that I could’ve handled things differently. So, AITA?

Edit to add: There’s always been a hidden lockbox with keys in them. I don’t know that anyone has ever had copies made, but I paid the neighbor’s husband to change all the locks on both houses and to lock the garage doors and disable the garage door opener. I had to get back home because I have a cat and dog to look after, otherwise I would’ve changed everything myself.

My (36F) daughter’s (13F) birthday was last weekend. There’s this trampoline park in town that offers sleepover parties where the kids could play for a few hours, watch a movie, and have a sleepover on the trampolines. Her school is very small, so there are only 20 students in her entire year. When we were booking the event, she said to only book 19 places. I asked her if she was sure she wasn’t missing out someone, but she assured me there were only 19 kids in her class, and I was just misremembering.

Fast forward to her birthday, and this girl “Kamilla” shows up with an entire box full of gifts: teddy bears, perfume, candles, nail polish, flowers, chocolates, etc. I remembered picking up my from school at the beginning of the school year and seeing her chatting and being very friendly with Kamilla, so I assumed they were quite good friends. When Kamilla went up to hug my daughter and wish her a happy birthday, she lightly pushed her away and told Kamilla she couldn’t attend as we forgot to book her place. I apologised to Kamilla and her mother and offered to talk to the people in charge and pay for her place, but my daughter insisted that Kamilla couldn’t come. Kamilla was very distraught over this and started sobbing.

I pulled my daughter aside and asked her why Kamilla couldn’t join, even though they used to be friendly and she’d invited every other student in her year. She said that Kamilla was just really weird, obsessive, and creepy, and she didn’t want to be friends with her anymore. I asked her if Kamilla was bullying her, and she said no, she just didn’t want to be around Kamilla. Kamilla’s mother had found out about the party through another parent and Kamilla decided to surprise my daughter knowing she hadn’t been given an invite.

I returned the gifts to Kamilla, apologised again, and gently told her that there weren’t enough spaces. Her mother started screaming at me, telling me that I was a grown adult woman bullying a preteen girl. I told her that it was my daughter’s birthday party, she could invite whoever she wanted. She accused me of raising my daughter to be a bully, and that she couldn’t just invite the entire class and exclude one girl. She claimed that Kamilla was my daughter’s “best friend” and she had to right to be invited.

I told her that my daughter’s a teenager, not a 5 year old, she can’t be forced to invite the entire class just to be nice. I said that I didn’t want to raise a doormat. I didn’t want to teach her to value the feelings of others at the expense of her own - if my daughter feels uncomfortable around someone, then I prioritise HER wellbeing over that of a stranger’s.

Kamilla’s mother is now talking to the teachers to punish my daughter for “bullying”. I’ve tried explaining to her that my daughter was simply setting her boundaries, she shouldn’t have to face consequences for that. Kamilla’s mother said that I was an “evil b*tch” who “took joy in bullying little girls”. AITA?

My Dad went behind my back and sold my entire D&D miniature collection -easily worth over a thousand dollars, with a minimum resale value of several hundred dollars- for $25. That he pocketed. Didn't ask me. Didn't tell me. I was selling my minis at a flea market with him and he offered to keep them in his trunk so that i could come back over the weekend and keep selling them later. Against my better judgement I agreed only to find out the next day that he had sold the entire collection for 25 dollars to one guy without my consent. I called him out on it, and he told me to grow up. I was going to sell them myself... I NEEDED that money, badly. I have none to take, and this isn't the first time he's pulled something like this. But it's by far the worst time. Is there anything I can do?

Some additional info:
I do NOT live with my Dad
I am 21+
I live in New York (the state, i don't want to be more specific so that i can stay anon)

btw sorry for no flair, i don't really know what to put this under

EDIT: Thank you for the great advice! It seems evident that there is no reason to pursue legal action. I do not have enough evidence of ownership to properly support my claim in a court of law, and the process of small claims is not worth the trouble for a few hundred dollars. As for my father, he and I have been on extremely poor terms for a long time, and I have decided that the best course of action is to cut ties and move on. Thank you all for your help!!!

We had our wedding at an all inclusive. It was beautiful and since we were having a small wedding it was cheaper than having a big wedding in town. We chose one with very inexpensive flights and subsidized any guest who wanted to come but might have trouble covering the cost.

We had 50 guests.

The plan was for everyone to come down before the wedding, spend a few days enjoying the sun, and then celebrate with us.

My mother got it into her head that this should be a family reunion. She didn't want my new husband's family there so her plan was to contact our side of the family and tell them to shift their reservations so that they would be coming later and staying after the wedding. She also invited other people for after the wedding.

As long as they were part of my wedding block that was allowed by the hotel. We actually got a little kickback from a few that overlapped my wedding day.

Anyway my mom didn't inform me. But the hotel did because some of the extras wanted the group price even though they weren't going to be there until after the wedding.

I was upset but my mom goes into hysterics if confronted. My husband and I decided to just roll with it.

The wedding and reception went beautifully. The day following the wedding I ran into sine family that I had not invited. For a reason. However we ran into them in the lobby on our way to the Airport.

My husband and I decided not to have our honeymoon at that resort. Instead we flew to one on the other side of the country. Goodbye Caribbean hello Pacific.

My mom blew up my phone wondering where we were. I told her we went on our honeymoon in Baja California.

She lost her shit. She had told everyone that I was cool with the plan. I missed the hysterics which I appreciated.

She is still upset and said I was ungrateful and childish after all she did.

I bit my tongue instead of yelling at her for inviting people I dislike to my wedding. And on my honeymoon.

I’m literally always in pain. Whether it’s my neck, back, shoulder, knee, ankle. It’s always something. It’s been so long since I never felt any pain. Is it seriously gonna be like this the rest of my life? Like just constant pain? It’s so annoying. I get that as we get older our bodies get some wear and tear. But like holy shit.

Edit: for people asking if I’m obese, no. I’m about 5’8 and 160ish. I’m of average build.

Also I did play competitive sports growing up, but still feels like a bit much.

I (33f) am recently separated and live alone where I work from home in a big house. I value my solitude and quiet time. My sister (31f) has two kids (12 and 9) and recently decided to sell her house and move to Florida. She has to come and spend a week with her kids every few weeks while they live with their father full-time. She never asked prior to selling her house and moving if she and the kids could stay with me when she had her visitation. Around Easter, they ended up staying with me at the last minute and I had to do all the cooking, cleaning up after them, and buying the groceries. They had to sleep in the living room since I have no extra beds so I was confined to my bedroom or office the whole time. She’s now asked to stay ten days with me next week, again last minute. I really don’t want them to stay. When I didn’t let her stay before, my family stopped talking to me for months. My mom will also try to convince me to take custody of my niece. It is stressing me out. I don’t have a maternal instinct and never wanted kids. AITA for not letting them stay with me and for not taking custody?

So for some background, My mom left me(24m) and my twin sister (24f) when we were 6 and it screwed with us for a LONG time. We used to have to get therapy sessions because the way she left was so jarring for the both of us. 16 years later, sometime after our 22nd birthday, she reached out saying she wanted to make up for lost time and that she was sorry, and I wasn’t with that Idea but my sister was. My sister decided to go ahead and give her a second chance and I NEVER gave her grief on that, but she always hassled me saying I should hear her out and that she’s our mother and to that I humbly declined, I told my sister that our mother doesn’t get to decide when she wants to be in or out of our lives, and that she doesn’t get to clear her conscience with me because my time is worth WAYYY more, my sister respected that for the most part. Flash forward to now on my sisters wedding, she told me before had that our mom was gonna be a part of the wedding and I didn’t make a big deal because it was HER wedding and if she wants that woman to be there then who am I to say no, I just told her me and her would most definitely wouldn’t be communicating at the event, and she was ok with that because she knows that that’s my way of keeping the peace. At the rehearsal dinner everyone showed up and had a good time but my mom kept trying to engage in conversation, I ignored her and tried to keep away from her, my mother then decides to corner me with this victim spiel saying that she wasn’t ready to be a mom at the time and that she just wants a relationship with me and how she didn’t understand why I didn’t want to talk to her. Now mind you, I always said I understand that she wasn’t ready to be a mom, but that doesn’t mean I have to be ok with being abandoned nor do I owe her that luxury of being forgiven. I told her to leave me alone and respect that I don’t want to get to know her or be in her life, she started crying and making a whole scene and said she couldn’t come to the wedding anymore. My sister is saying I ruined her chance to have her mom at her wedding and that I couldn’t put my petty pride aside for her, all I could tell her is that her mom made the decision not to show up for HER, that has nothing to do with me, the wedding isn’t about me. So am I the A-hole here?

I (18f) was invited to go dress shopping with my dad's current fiancée Natalie (38f). My two sisters (25f and 22f) were invited also. I turned down the offer and Natalie was upset because my sisters also turned her offer down.

We've all been here before So. Many. Times. My dad has been engaged at least 11 times that we know of and married at least four times. He has 7 kids. Not all of us are from marriages. None of us are from the same mom. My mom didn't even know he had kids when she married him. He was a huge liar earlier in his serial marriage life. Mom finding out about his past triggered their divorce. After mom he stopped lying about having kids or being married before. But it didn't stop him from getting into these whirlwind serial relationships and getting engaged and married a bunch.

I don't believe any of his relationships will last more than a few years. Four years was his longest marriage and that was only in the legal sense. He has filed at least one annulment that we're aware of.

At this point none of us plan to go to his future weddings or play pretend in these pre-wedding events. My paternal siblings all feel the same way. None of us really know Natalie or have anything to do with her as a person. I met her once before. Some of my siblings twice. But she's not part of our lives or anything.

After every one of us said no to Natalie she sent a group message to us all saying she expected more from us. That we're about to be family and none of us want to welcome her into the family. She said she has a lot of maternal love to give and would like for us to embrace that and open our minds and hearts to her being more than another of our dad's wives. She said most of us aren't children anymore and even the ones who are could do with being more open to having another mom in their lives. She said she'll be the mother of more siblings one day and for that reason alone we should reconsider how we're treating her.

AITA?