As is often the case, growing up for me was a challenge. I struggled in school and as such felt stupid. These things tend to have an impact on how you perceive yourself and I felt I was not "smart" enough to read books.

But I loved fantasy. I would watch any movie or TV show I could get my eyes on. Well with all things, with time I grew older and hopefully wiser. Seeing many reviews and subreddits dedicate to amazing authors like Gaimen, Pratchett and Sanderson, eventually I decided to dip my fingers into the spines of some books. An uncomfortable feeling crept over me as I nervously fondled the back blurbs of many best sellers, in a real bookshop (if you can remember them). Eventually I couldn't decide and asked a very patient clerk to help me choose. Heading home with a skip in my step I made a coffee, put on some lo-fi and opened the first book. Then the second. Eventually the third. All of which I couldn't stay focused on past a few chapters. Without warning I was punched in the face with the feeling of not being good (or smart) enough to read books.

And so I dropped the idea as a "fantasy" of my own and went about my life.

Over the next year I kept having thoughts about what my "perfect" fantasy story would be. I decided I was going to be a grown up and finish the next book I choose. So back to the book store, this time I went straight to the counter and asked if they have any books which would be like "insert comparison here". The lovely woman immediately asked if I had read the Name of the Wind as it sounded exactly like what I was asking for. It was a quick sell. To my surprise she even invited me to her book club which was reading it this month. Looking back I still regret not agreeing to go.

So skipping home, coffee, music, sit down and read this book. The opening chapters made the feelings creep back. I really struggled to read it. But determined, I powered through. Just as Kote starts his story, a flood gate opened in my mind. Floating like a leaf through the rapid waters of words and chapters I finished the book quickly and loving every moment.

Since then I have gone on to read many many more.

STATEMENT 1: These books were just what I need to read to fall in love with reading.

If your still with me. I want to take a second to say thanks. You rock. What a legend. This post is the most open thing I have ever posted online. The next statement is alot more personal and I appreciate you taking time to read it.

As life moved on and I joined the cult (of "waiting for book 3") many things happened in my personal life. Both good and bad, in equal measure. I fell in love! It actually happened! Came out of nowhere like a kvothe in the night. There's hope yet! I was happy, and for the first time I felt secure. The funny thing about feeling happy, safe and calm is that's just the invite needed for deep trauma demons to materialize.

Duality of mind is always an interesting thing to me. The lighter I felt with my new life, the darker the shadow of comparison climbed. I have always taken great care not to judge myself against others. But I became very mournful for my younger self. You keep fighting for so long, when you don't have to anymore it's hard to let that go!

Despite anything else I feel that being honest with yourself is one of the hardest things. Not only that, the courage it takes to confront, unpack and rearrange the bad experiences is next to none other. The bravest thing you can do! One I truly hope you can all do for yourselves. These thoughts I truly believe to my core, that was not always the case.

After many events I went about the hard process of acknowledging my mental health. Not only that but talking about it. My incredible partner used to encourage me to seek therapy. I responded to each of her carefully worded advise for therapy, with the one word paragraph "no"! Why would I agree anyway? Everyone else has to deal with stress, they do it well, I can too.

Re-reading the book gave me secluded comfort away from my own mind. It also kept me patient whilst waiting for the next book. After I had finished this time I watched any YouTube theory or Pat pannel interview I could find. One of these videos Pat was talking about how Therapy has been great and he wishes he started it sooner. Well, you can probably guess the conversation me and my partner had. The twist is, this time I brought it up, this time I admitted I may have been wrong, this time I admitted I needed help.

Without boring you further with the details I learned alot. I learned how to accept the painful. I learned tools to better control my anxiety and how to heal. I learned I had ADHD.

A difficult reality to face and learn as an adult. It rewrites your life. You need a different play book to manage yourself and achieve what others seem to do easily. You learn to forgive yourself for not being able to read books past a chapter or two. You learn that school may not have been difficult because you we're "Stupid"!

To my amazement one day, my partner put on a random Pat interview in the background. Turns out Pat has ADHD too. If a man who inspires me this much has it, I guess I'm not broken after all.

STATEMENT 2: Thanks to Rothfuss being so open and honest about his mental health, I have been able to heal, understand and accept my own!

Now why write this post? Has anyone read it? I wanted to be honest to encourage others. I want you to know that seeking help isn't a weakness. It's a great strength. One that take a shit ton of courage to do so. One of the roads your future self will look back on and be thankful you walked it. You are strong, your are incredible, you deserve the best!

With such personal meaning attached with these book, I too am very eager for DoS. But I am also aware Pat is a human, a creative god but still just human. One who has accomplished alot and no doubt has a complex life he is navigating. If something is worth doing, it's worth taking your time and doing it right.

I try to be a man of my word, I promised a question.

QUESTION: do you think there is anything we can do as a community, to support Pat in finish Doors of Stone?

TLDR: I have troupes, travelled, loved, lost, trusted and was betrayed.

Edit: Thank you everyone for your wonderful comments. I have been overwhelmed reading them all. This community has such wonderful incredible people.