My wife (35F) and I (35M) have been married for 10 years. We have 2 children (9F, 7M). 5 years ago, I found out that my wife had an affair. I felt crushed and numb because I loved my wife a lot. Her affair partner told me about it when my wife called it off. The affair lasted 1 month, and my wife had called it off because she felt really guilty about it. When I confronted my wife about it, she was very remorseful and didn’t deny anything. She said she’d do anything, follow any reconciliation steps I asked, and just begged to not breakup our family. I asked her why she cheated, and she gave no excuses, and she just said it was for the thrill.

My first reaction was to divorce but after sitting on it for a week, I decided to just stick it out for our family, and because I still loved my wife. My wife was very thankful, and she even told me I had a hallpass I could use whenever I wanted. Over the next year or so, my wife followed the reconciliation steps, which included therapy, getting sober, quitting her job, and a bunch of other things. I had forgiven my wife but I could never forget it, I would occasionally just replay in my mind my wife cheating on me, and that always hurt a lot. 

Fast forward to today, and my family is doing great. However, I have a struck a friendship with Melissa (32F) who I met at a bookstore. We had common interests in books for existentialism, metaphysics, and similar books. I don’t know how, but when we met, we just clicked. We initially met every week at the bookstore to just discuss books and life, but we started talking more about our personal life and we then started going on coffee dates and brunches. One more thing we had in common was that Melissa too was married to her husband who had cheated on her many years ago. 

It’s been almost a year since I met her, and Melissa has made it upfront that she has very strong feelings for me, and that she’s never had these feelings for anyone else ever in her life. I too have a lot of feelings for her but I feel guilty about it so I haven’t told her about them yet. I haven’t crossed any physical boundaries and I don’t intend to (we only hug and hold hands). But I do want to explore more of emotional connection to her, because I’ve never felt like this ever. 

I remember that my wife gave me a hallpass 5 years ago when she cheated on me. Would I be the AH to use that hallpass to explore the emotional connection I have with Melissa?