I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/MyFinalAttempt

Originally posted to r/Advice

Going homeless in a month, and here I am on Reddit. I heard the internet does wonders and that's what I’m hoping for + 4 years Update

Editor’s Note: added paragraph breaks for readability

Trigger Warnings: homelessness, suicide ideation, death of a parent, alcoholism

Original Post: June 22, 2020

First off let me start by saying i do not know what im typing, i do not know what im thinking, i have never felt like this before. Im not mad, not sad, not angry, not happy, ive never fult such nothingness before.

Anyways i have the rest of this month and the next month in my current home. After that im going homeless. All i have is a car and a few assets that can get a few bucks but not much to my name. I dont know if im allowed to talk about suicide but im going to be honest in my post; if the time comes and i havent found any hope or even a step 1, im going to kill myself. I dont want to die, but i dont want to live this life. I am not depressed or anxious or whatever, im good in the head, but recent events have taken their toll on me.

Forgot to mention thje important details, i am 19, just finished my first semester in Computer Science in university (and probably my last semester) and i do not work. I live in Lebanon. I do not have a passport to another country. I do not have anyone that can support me. I am completely alone and have a bit of money(1-2k ish) left if i sell my car and all i own.

I guess the advice im asking for here is what should i do? Is there any hope? also please note i live in Lebanon; basically shit internet, shit electricity, no social benifits or whatever no nothing. This country is worse than a 3rd world. i probably miswed a lot of important details, but im struggling to think straight. Feel free to ask me anything (doesnt matter if its personal) related to the matter. Thank you for reading my reddit post. have a good day.

Edit: I cannot begin to explain how i feel. I never thought anyone would care this much. I am not good with expressing myself but thank you to each and everyone who replied. It really is helping way more than you think.

This is going to be a ramble but here goes.

As to everyone asking me not to give up, i hope i dont. i want to figure this out and be on top i really do. i will try my best. i hope on day in the future i can come back and update you guys with a happy ending. i havent cried in a long time and you guys have brought emotions i thought were long gone. so thank you for that. I am trying to reply to every single reply but so many are coming in so fast, so for those that i miss, i am very sorry.

Eventually i will get to it and i thank you in advance. So for those who are interested, i have concluded from all the replies a general plan that i would like to share for some criticism. First thing i should do is find a job, which i am trying my best to do. After i find a job i will try and find the cheapest/best rent i can and live on the bare minimum while saving up as much as i can.

Now here is where i get a little lost. i know i should get a certain amount of money before considering immigration but have no idea what estimate that consist of, so help on that would be amazing. Next i will contact embassies (Canada and Sweden have been good suggestions so far) for help regarding immigration or a student visa. Also any help regarding immigration would be amazing as i have no clue how all that works.

now that im typing that i feel like im asking for too much. i really dont deserve the support you guys have given me today, i cant thank you enough. Anyways that is the general plan, and i know for a fact once i land in a country better than Lebanon i will thrive. i know i can.

All i need is a half decent government behind me that wont steal my money. thats it. i dont want rights, i dont want jack shit. i just want my hard earned money. So yeah this is probably the worst paragraph of words to read, so for those of you who did, thank you. My brain is barely functioning i feel like now, so this took a lot of energy to type.

Thank you yet again to each and every single one of you. i mean it. I hope to update you guys soon on what happens.

Edit 2: I think i have finally replied to every single comment i got. If i get more replies during the night i will answer them tomorrow. I wanted to say thank you again everyone for everything you did.

Also to everyone asking to donate, please go donate that money to a charity of your choice. I will be going to bed now, and i wanted to emphasize how much this all means to me. You guys changed me today. Thank you again. i cannot say that enough.

I hope one day i will be posting an update with a happy ending. Thank you for your best wishes and hope to talk to you again soon reddit.

Edit 3: Hello everyone, i just woke up and got a shower and hopped on the computer. I am still in shock with everyone's support. i still cant thank you enough. I am reading through all the comments but i am afraid i do not have enough time to reply to all of them. I just want you guys to know i am reading your comments and i appreciate it way more than you think.

Today is a big day for me; will be roaming around looking for jobs, need to setup some emergency foods and such. Lots to do today. Your support is giving me strength beyond what i thought i had. You guys have proven that people still care, there is hope. I will be updating you whenever i can, as i now consider you guys my friends. Also dont forget im reading your replies, and i really really appreciate it very much.

Regarding looking for online jobs, i will try to make up a decent resume of sorts when i get back home and see what i can find. I really shouldn't be asking for more help from you guys, as you have done way more than enough, but i thought id ask ; i still have a few bucks remaining in my paypal, nothing worth cashing out though i was wondering if maybe like i can invest it or gamble it or of the sorts. Im obviously not counting on it, neither am i a gambler, just trying to give an example. Just a thing i can try my luck in see if it can help.

Again, thank you to each and everyone one of you. i keep repeating myself but as i keep saying, im bad at expressing myself. I just want you guys to know i really appreciate everything. Will update you soon, have a good day everyone.

Additional Information from OOP:

OOP: Also just thought id add that i am willing to do anything if possible. that includes moving to another country, or whatever. Dont hold back anything, i feel like anything would REALLY help in my case. Anyways, no one will probably see this, so when/if i see this in the future i hope i figured shit out. Good luck me.

Relevant Comments

OOP on what led to his living situation and if he has family or friends to stay with

OOP: Wow, did not expect a reply. Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to help. As to how i got here, i never had a dad, and my mother recently passed away in a car accident. i dont have family other than that and no friends. The house is being taken by the bank or whatever and my mother didnt have much at all.

Let me say even if its very insignificant something about how you just typed out a plan gave me a sliver of hope. It is nearly impossible to find a job, but lets go with that and say i find a job. How much money should i accumulate before i can come to Canada? Canada was always in the back of my mind. I love the country and everything about it. I sometimes think i was misplaced and i should have been in Canada haha.

Anyways i got nothing else to do so if you wanna talk and check out how fucked my life is im down. Also ive always been smart, though i dont have good grades because of the events that took place in my life the past few years. What i mean by smart is that give me a book, a deadline and i'll be damned if i dont know every single letter by heart. So i guess if theres some miracle test i can take that if i get a good grade on i get something good out of im down. Anyways this reply was probably all over the place, im very sorry. Thank you again though for the reply. + OOP: It's weird man, i used to think that how would someone end their life, its so dark and a pussy move. Idk though, im not sad or worried about it. I guess i just dont care anymore. i really dont know. Though im trying not to give up. I convinced myself of 1 more solid attempt, where i give it my all. hence why im here i guess. Most will call me an idiot for referring to a social media website for help but idk. not much options left i guess. Thanks for your reply though, means a lot.

OOP on student loans to continue his studies and if he was able to stay in the house that his mother had prior to her passing

OOP: Hello, thank you very much for replying. I am christian on paper, but personally i dont believe in god and all that (no offense to anyone who does tho, i find it respectable actually. To find peace in a greater being/thing or whatever you want to call it). And i tried everything. No public services available unfortunately. Lebanon is currently going through an economic crisis. No US dollars in the country and the Lebanese Lira is quickly becoming one of the worst currencies in the world. And i do not know what i can do regarding the bank (not sure its the bank though) i got a phone call explaining that the house was being paid by my mother, and there was no insurance and it was the mortgage (not sure thats what its called) but yeah, nothing i can do. I do not qualify to transfer the payments (also not sure what its called) of the house to me as i do not work nor do i have a bank account. So im pretty sure the house is gone. i know im young, and i have a lot ahead of me, but why all this happening to me at this young age? not everyone dies of old age and im afraid im the statistic. Anyways thank you very much, if you can include me in your future prayers thats all i could ask. If there is an afterlife, i hope i get the good side. Thank you again and have a good day.

OOP on the university providing housing so he could continue with his studies

OOP: University has no dorms, jobs are unicorns here, NO government aid( unemployment and all those) whatsoever. So yeah, its fucked wherever i turn. I am not giving up, i am chosing what will make me feel better. Thank you very much for your reply, i hope you have a good day.

Update: May 17, 2024 (almost 4 years later)

TW: Some parts of this update might contain sensitive topics

I highly doubt anyone remembers my post from around 4 years ago, but I just remembered my reddit account and saw people were still sending me messages in 2024 checking up on me, (I can't show my appreciation enough btw) and thought i'd make this update for the few who remember me, AS WELL as possibly a hopeful post to someone who might be going through shitty times.

In any case, after my last post, it got very dark in my life, the help i got in reddit was hugely appreciated, and meant a LOT mentally, but in reality my situation hadn't changed. I was ready to call it quits.

A random day maybe a week after my post, I saw a stray kitten that came up to me and i started petting it and crying. I love thinking that was my guardian angel, but to be honest I guess i just had a little more fight in me. Then and there I decided to actually go through the "last attempt" i mentioned in my previous post and try my best.

I started going to every close restaurant and asking if they need any servers or anything. Surprisingly, not too long after i landed a VERY mediocre job, but it was barely enough to afford rent (rent as in living in 1 tiny room) and afford university and eat.

Throughout the next 2 years, it was hell. I was alive, but not living. Alcohol became my best friend, which even though it might sound bad, I was lucky enough to be a functioning addict (id like to avoid thinking what it has done to my health tho, recent blood tests look horrible lol). I unfortunately got into a weird and bad habit of enjoying being sad. I'd get drunk and watch sad stuff or whatever and enjoy feeling sad and crying. It was very toxic. I also picked up the habit of cutting, which unfortunately left a couple scars. I do not care tho, as I am still alive and no one can say anything to me about silly scars that can even remotely affect me after what I've been through.

Another thing to mention that happened throughout these 2 years (there's a lot so I'm trying to remember main points and keep it relatively "short") is that food and weight became a big hurdle. I was walking to work everyday, and it wasn't too far, but my caloric intake was very little. So I was struggling to maintain a healthy weight. A tip for someone in a similar situation is that canned foods like beans are a godsend, add to that some bread and you're good on calories for very cheap.

Anyways, long story short, hell kept on going, but I managed to finish my bachelor's with a 3.3 GPA. Before my last semester even ended, I started applying left and right to every known university on planet earth -

Long story short, I am now in France, doing my masters, working part time as well as some online freelancing, and living - not just alive. I know for many how I am currently living is laughable, but to me, being able to eat a burger at a restaurant and not worry too much about it is heavenly right now. I'm even able to save money and spend some every month on vanity items.

There's a LOT that I wish I could spend hours and hours talking about, but for now, I just wanted to keep it as a little update to the curious VERY KIND souls that are still messaging me - as well as a very minor message to the desperate people out there, that you can TRULY make it.

Everyone always sees these "You can do it too!", but it never feels genuine. You always can see this 1 difference that they go over that is actually the game changer. So I urge you, look at my previous post. Look at what my situation was - country, family, financials, mental health - and then tell me, is it impossible for you to make it as well ? By no means am I saying I'm a super hero, or that I'm the exception or lucky or special, I genuinely had no luck going through this, just work. (I wanted to type hard work, but hard work implies I was doing work better than the average person, when I was not, by hard work I would rather it mean working while barely having any mental capacity for the will to live)

In any case, that's enough from me for now. I'm probably gonna answer the questions (if any) I get on this, to hopefully shed more light over some gaps of these past 4 years and my situation, so feel free to ask anything !

From a random stranger - lovya stranger :p

PS. Even 4 years later I STILL cannot thank enough the kind souls that replied to my last post, so if any of you are here, THANK YOU SO MUCHHH.

Relevant Comment

WizKaneki: This was so heartwarming to read. We're all so incredibly proud of you man, know that you're loved and appreciated, I hope to see another update in a years time to hear just how well you're doing :) will drop a follow!

OOP: It feels good thinking about the future now, so hopefully I'll be able to make a good update a couple years later !! Thank you so so much for your kind words, I'm sure with a kind soul like yourself you are very loved and appreciated !!

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP