Child 4-9 Years
Need help with coparents promise breaking
My ex and I have an 8 yr old daughter. I remarried 5 yrs ago and now we also have a 2 yr old. We live in the DC area and my ex lives in IN. He sees her twice a yr but for a good while in the summer. He "loves her" but isn't responsible. He does pay child support. He calls her but not as often as a parent should. I have spent a bit of time and energy protecting my daughter from her dad. He's emotionally volitile sometimes and unreliable. (He's bpd and has threatened suicide in the past, things like that.) When we were together I had to take care of everything. He's good to her though, like a fun uncle. She loves him. Last yr husband and I took the kids to Universal studios. Even before that, all her and her dad could talk about is how he couldn't wait to take her to Disney. Talk talk talk but no plans. A few months ago we decided we wanted to take the kids to Disney. I asked my ex if he was still planning to take her and he said he was trying to take our daughter but he wasn't sure yet. He never finalized any plans so we booked everything for us. I told him and he was upset but understood. So then his tune changed to "I will take you soon just not now". My daughter is upset w me for stealing her dad's plan to take her time Disney first, but she's more upset w him for breaking a promise. She's also hurt because last yr her dad went to Disney w his gf and he told her she couldn't go bc she wasn't tall enough for all the rides. It's Disney. Anyway, I'm struggling to help my daughter. I am not sure what to say to her. And should I say anything to her dad? I'm tired of him doing things like this to her, is it my place to say something? I want to. We used to have awful fights but we've been so civil recently and I want it to stay that way. Thanks!
Edit: exs gf took him to Disney, not the other way around. They went after a few yrs of being together. My daughter wasn't invited, ex's gf did not like our daughter.