but i like being called boyflux, it feels like its the right label and i identify as a dude most of the time

This is 100% what labelling is all about. If boyflux makes you feel good, then identify as boyflux! You don’t need to prove anything to anyone about you picking this term. There is no Gender God or Omniscient Identity Being that is going to storm down from the heavens to declare that you’re doing it wrong. Our labels are absolutely human-made for the purpose of humaning. Which means you get to identify off of gut feelings or happiness or absolutely whatever reasoning you have for identifying whatever way.

i really dont know if this is what you do on your blog

We do whatever we want and whatever is needed on this blog. :)

~Pluto

[Anonymous asks: “Hi! I spilled my genderfluid, maybe you can help? I’ve looked into agenderfluid, but I wouldn’t say agender is my ‘default’. I’m agender just as often as fluid. I haven’t seen a combo term for it, though demiagender and genderfluid each work, alone. Thoughts? 🤔

(P.S. my genders never feel totally in focus even when I do have them)”]

(Sorry. Tumblr decided to post instead of just adding my link. Deleted so I could respond in one post without people seeing before I was finished.)

Clean up on aisle 4! Need a mop up of some genderfluid!

How about genderfuzz/genderblur or genderflux? Agenderflux? Demiflux? Fluidflux?

However, I would like to point out that genderfluid doesn’t negate or disclude being agender. Being agender can be a part of your genderfluid experience.

Followers, any more terms you’d suggest or any thoughts from any genderfluid peeps who have agender phases?

~Mod Pluto

I wrote this up for someone in the tags who had some questions. I didn’t want to reblog because it felt like they wanted their post to stay more personal, but I tackled the questions of “what is nonbinary?”, “what does nonbinary feel like?”, and “how do you know if you’re nonbinary?” I quite like the write up I did, so I’m posting this separately.

.

There is no thing as “exactly” nonbinary because like many other labels, nonbinary is an umbrella term. Some of us use it as a gender identity, but it encompasses a vast array of experiences: anything that isn’t strictly a man or strictly a woman.

This includes: no gender, some gender, multiple genders, fluid genders, fluxxing genders, specific genders that aren’t man/woman, and indescribable genders.

Nonbinary can be someone who is sometimes or partially a man/woman or someone who is man/woman in addition to other gender(s). It is not totally removed from man/woman. It includes non-binary forms of man/woman.

It can also have nothing to do with man/woman. Depends on the person.

Nonbinary can also be wrapped up in trauma and/or neurodivergency and/or sexuality. For example, autism impacts the way you relate to the world and process information, so many autistic people may identify as nonbinary or specifically autigender, meaning their understanding of their gender due to their autism cannot be separated from their gender. Or, for example, someone aromantic may find their aromanticism makes them so separated from gender (which perceptions of which can be closely tied up to gender roles, amatonormativity, romanticism, etc.) that someone’s aromanticism can make them feel totally removed from the gender binary. Etc.

Loosely put, nonbinary is any experience/feeling that isn’t 100% only a man or 100% only a woman. It cannot be defined more specifically for that because what gender feels like to an individual is fiercely subjective. It can be impacted by age, race, neurodivergence, sexuality, experience, culture, personal feelings, etc.

So following that, no, there is no clearly defined or easy way to describe a “nonbinary feeling” because it’s personal, subjective, and wildly diverse.

There are a lot of ways to figure out if you’re nonbinary. I personally advocate that anyone questioning *let* themselves identify as nonbinary for at least a couple of months or more. During that time, don’t fight yourself or argue with it. Just let the label sit. After at least a couple of months, THEN return to the question of “does this feel right to me?”

You don’t have to know for sure. Besides the fact that exploration is often the only way to figure it out, I am also a fierce proponent of the choice narrative. If you want to be something or are intrigued by it, then choose to be that for a while. See how it feels. In the end, it’s not a specific label that matters most. What matters most is your feelings. What makes you happiest? Most comfortable?

Maybe it’s easier to address questions like how you want to: dress, present, get referred to as, etc. especially before settling on any label. It’s also helpful to remember that life is full of phases. Life itself is a phase. So don’t be afraid to try on labels/names/pronouns/titles/etc. as frequently or rapidly as you want.

And know that nobody really knows for sure but it doesn’t matter because labels aren’t some predetermined category you have to fall perfectly into. They are simply communicative tools. They are vastly simplified specifically so many people can identify with them and in simplest terms communicate their feelings to others/find a community of people with similar experiences. But the actual depth of your feelings is ALWAYS something you’re going to want to expand on with the people that it matters to you to do so.

~Mod Pluto

genderqueerdykes:

genderfluidity is not a strict or defined thing- i’ve seen a lot of people questioning whether or not their experience “counts” as a genderfluid experience because it “doesn’t seem to fit”- the only “rule” for genderfluidity is that your gender changes sometimes. that’s it, it doesn’t have to be anything more complicated than that

randomannon86:

Larkspur

A broad term for girls/women who do not present femininly or have a non-feminine/non-feminine-aligned or queer gender/experience with gender, some may even be non-woman-aligned .

some examples include:
A woman who presents/behaves in a masculine/boyish way that goes beyond what would be considered typical of a tomboy.

A gnc/pnc/lnc or crossnominal woman.

A man-aligned/masculine-aligned woman.

A man-related woman.

A genderqueer woman.

A woman who has a complex relationship with gender.

Being a woman but feeling as if your gender is maingender/mingender.

Being a woman but refering to yourself as a man.

Being a mealexical woman/girl.

Being a boyish woman/girl

Being a woman but also a guy in some way.

etc etc…

Some may use masculine pronouns, bind, or take hormones.

It is not specifically exclusive to woman who have some sort of connection to manhood or masculinity but can be used by any women who has no connection with feminity or little to no connection with womanhood (that includes women who are connected to androgyny, neutrality, or anything else), or (as said before) goes beyond what would be considered typical of a tomboy, or just has a complex relationship with gender.

It is not specifically for any gender modality in particular so anyone can use it as long as they are a girl/woman in some way.

It can also be used as a gender on its own.

It may be similar to femil and butch, however unlike butch it is not lesbian exclusive and can be anyone with any orientation.

It can also be used by women/girls who are neomasculine or neo-boy-aligned.

athetos:

athetos:

The vast majority of Queer internet discourse would be solved if any of you actually talked face to face with other queer ppl in your community

I’m saying this as a rural dyke who grew up being one of maybe 3 openly queer ppl in my hometown who used to waste time on bullshit discourse like “who can reclaim the word faggot” or “can you be trans if you don’t have dysphoria” but has since been engaged in my own communities wherever I go and has talked to butches and bears and trans women decades older than me and has seen kids half my age coming out and I realized it’s just a distraction to pit us against each other instead of uniting to face a common enemy. There is no one true queer experience, and the sooner we all accept that and listen to people outside our generation and/or cultural background the better.

genderqueerdykes:

there really are no consequences for being wrong about your gender, orientation, etc. for a while, btw. if you try something and it just doesn’t fit, it’s better to have tried and found out than to be left wondering.

Not sure if you caught the study we were just reblogging on how dysphoria and transness is not caused by “social contagion” like tiktoks, but if not, it feels relevant to link.

Researchers from the Fenway Institute disproved the theory of “rapid-onset gender dysphoria” (RODG) and determined that “social contagion” does not influence gender identity in the largest study of its kind, published earlier this month in Pediatrics journal.

“The hypothesis that transgender and gender diverse youth assigned female at birth identify as transgender due to social contagion does not hold up to scrutiny and should not be used to argue against the provision of gender-affirming medical care for adolescents,” Dr. Alex S. Keuroghlian, the study’s senior author and director of Fenway’s National LGBTQIA+ Health Education Center, and the Massachusetts General Hospital Psychiatry Gender Identity Program, said in a statement.

But I’m gonna focus on the idea of “what if I just relate to trans experiences but aren’t trans?”

Okay.

So.

What if you do?

What?

Then what?

You…find out more about yourself?

You…discover new things about your own feelings and comfort?

You…consider all of the options and come to decide on which label is best for you to adopt?

I’m not seeing a downside here. I’m not seeing anything to panic about. The transphobes have turned exploration and experimentation into the boogeyman. Life is about exploration and experimentation. Capitalism has absolutely ruined us. It’s ridiculous to expect children who aren’t even done psychologically developing yet to know and pick their life path and dedicate the rest of their life to it, including going thousands of dollars in debt to get a degree if necessary. It’s ridiculous to expect people to not explore and experiment and have some damn fun in life, whether that’s trying out 60 different jobs to find something that they want to do or discarding and picking up a new hobby each every single week to find what they actually find enjoyable or playing around with genders/sexualities/names/pronouns/clothes/etc. to figure out their feelings and better get to know who they are.

There is nothing - NOTHING - inherently wrong, bad, or immature about exploration and experimentation in life period.

So what if you relate to trans experiences but are actually cis? So what you identify as trans now for whatever length of time and change how you label later? So what?

I am so tired of the idea that anybody knows what they are doing ever. Nobody knows! We’re all just making it up! The imposter syndrome we’re putting everyone through for every aspect of their lives - from their jobs to their hobbies to their genders to their sexualities - is out of control. The society we have built is not meant for people. And that’s incredibly, incredibly heartbreaking.

People should be allowed to play and explore and experiment!

People should be allowed to grow and change!

People should be allowed to be confused and unsure!

People should be allowed to not know!

People should be allowed to try on identities like we try on clothes at the store!

Fuck the self-gaslighting society is pressuring you to put yourself through.

I don’t care what you know for sure. I don’t care if you’re going by a label you’re unsure of. I don’t care if you’re going by a label you know is technically not the most accurate. I don’t care if you stuck up a bunch of identity labels on a dart board, threw a dart, and decided to identify as that one. I’m here for you. The messy, confused, complex, hard to understand you. The real you.

Could it be a thing that you relate to trans experiences, don’t really relate to cis experiences, and yet are cis? Sure. (Slightly tangential, but I think you might get some food for thought out of this piece of writing.)

But don’t sit here thinking you have to identify as cis because you don’t have “proof” of being trans. That’s not a thing. It’s just what the transphobes want you to think. You can identify as any damn thing you want (let’s avoid cultural appropriation, though!), even if you’re only 0.5% thinking you might be that thing.

If you think you might be nonbinary, practice not giving into the thoughts like “but I can’t really be nonbinary because I’m only just now thinking about it”. Practice letting yourself try out being nonbinary! For at least several months, unless it’s just too terrible and you realize right away that it’s not right for you. Don’t debate on this or put yourself through a court of law or beat yourself down. Just let yourself be nonbinary. In a couple months, then come back to the questions of “is this right for me?”.

And there is no “right” or “wrong” reason to identify with whatever identity. Some people identify as nonbinary because they have a very specific, pinpointable, non-binary gender. Others identify as nonbinary because they’re not really sure but nonbinary makes them the most comfortable. Others identify as nonbinary because they want to be nonbinary. Others identify as nonbinary because they don’t relate to or don’t understand or don’t want to identify with the binarily gendered structure of our society. Whatever your reasoning, it’s both valid and nobody else’s business (though ofc you can tell anybody why if it’s what YOU want to do).

~Mod Pluto

P.S. If anything in this ask comes off as angry or frustrated, it is not with you. It is towards society and bigots who purport attitudes that harm people, even if in seemingly “little” ways like making them feel like they can’t trust their own feelings.

rainbow-sheeps:

gender and sexuality aren’t exactly a clean, long line. 

gender can start out one way, you can believe yourself one thing and then realize  later you are something different. taking time to figure yourself out is important. you don’t have to stay one way forever, and figuring out that your gender is different than what you thought is valid and honestly a sign of maturity. just because you question your gender doesn’t mean you are trans, it’s just self-reflection.

sexuality is much the same. you can start out believing yourself to be on the asexual spectrum and then later realize otherwise, or you may think you’re allosexual and then realize you’re asexual. it’s not linear, and you won’t be able to figure yourself out in just a few short months. as i said, it’s a sign of self-reflection as you look at yourself and try to figure out yourself. 

give yourself grace, the grace to grow.

slightlyreanimatedchaos:

You don’t have to know who you are supposed to be, especially not in a short amount of time. Just do what feels right for you and the rest will fall in line. Feelings before labels.

fandomshatelgbtqpeople:

Unfortunately, most of the nonbinary blogs I followed back in the day are now inactive, but here’s one I followed that I remember being pretty good and that might have some helpful stuff in its archives. Based on the information in your ask, looking into bigender and genderfluid identities seems like a good starting point for you.

mod k

Hey, anon!

I’ve been sitting here wracking my brain trying to understand your ask. Do excuse me if I’ve gotten anything wrong or misunderstood you.

I think there’s a basic confusion here about what nonbinary actually is, maybe. It sounds like you’ve been under the belief that nonbinary is inherently separate, individual, and independent of man and woman.

Think of it more like…

Men = salt

Women = pepper

Nonbinary = all other spices, herbs, spice mixes (including spices mixes with salt/pepper, as well as a basic salt/pepper combo - and here percent combos can matter), and/or lack thereof

Nonbinary is not some specific gender - although it can be for some people. Within cultures of binary gender systems (ie, some cultures have third genders that don’t/wouldn’t consider themselves nonbinary because gender is conceptualized differently in those cultures), nonbinary is simply anything that isn’t 100% man only OR 100% woman only.

Nonbinary can be:

• No gender
• Partial gender(s)
• Multiple genders
• Fluid genders
• Fluxing genders
• Other gender (not man or woman but its own gender)
• Indescribable
• Not understandable/unable to be pinned down
• Conceptual
• Gender that itself is influenced/impacted by identity (such as neurodivergency or sexuality) and/or experiences (such as trauma)
• Any mix of the above
• Anything else not listed here

Nonbinary doesn’t mean “not man or woman” - it’s more “not just man or woman”. Lists like this can be overwhelming, but they can also give you an idea of all that nonbinary can encompass.

So this means, nonbinary people can be:

• Sometimes men/women
• Partially man/woman
• Differing amounts/intensities of man/woman
• Both man and woman (either statically or fluidly)
• Combined man and woman (maybe can’t be separated out as different feelings/experiences, both simply exist intertwined)
• Any combination of the above, as well as with any other gender/lack thereof (ex. someone who is is both a man and agender at the same time, someone whose genderfluidity goes between woman and nonbinary and juxera, etc.)

So to answer “is it possible” - yes, it’s 100% possible to be a woman, a man, and nonbinary. You can be all three together, at once, fluidly, in sum, etc. Nonbinary can be a separate and unique identity for you, as well as a description of the fact that by being a man and a woman and another gender - you are nonbinary in this gender binary system.

As for what you should do… Number one thing is trust yourself! Gender is not a math equation or diagnosis. You can’t input 2 + 2 and get your specific, exact gender. You can’t get your blood drawn and get your specific, exact gender returned. What label you use doesn’t have to be a perfect, pinpoint accurate, one word summary of how you feel. What label you use is just about: A) what makes you feel comfortable/safe, B) what helps you connect with others who feel similarly to you, and/or C) what most closely describes what you want to communicate about your gender to others.

Fact is, you are the best judge of your own gender. It’s not about knowing with absolution what your gender is. It’s about letting yourself trust yourself to make this decision. And there is no such thing as getting it wrong. Exploring and finding what makes you comfortable through practice and time and sitting in your feelings is just how we better understand ourselves and our genders. Every label you disregard is simply knowledge you learned about yourself and how you feel. It wasn’t wrong or failing or pretending. It was life experience. It was introspection. It was and is important for you.

If you feel like you’re a woman, a man, and nonbinary - then let yourself call yourself those things! Let yourself use those labels. Let yourself just think of yourself in that way without the qualifiers “but maybe I’m wrong” or “but I really don’t know” or “but what if I’m not?”. If you feel safe/comfortable doing so and want to do so, share this with others. Let them help by being an ear to talk to. Let them help by using your gender labels, pronouns, titles, name(s), etc. This may be a friend or family member you confide in. You might explore with the safety of a queer friendly therapist. You might share with a queer/trans group/club. Maybe it just starts with using these words and labels privately on things like online quizzes or shipping labels (if you live alone).

The next thing I suggest is more educating and more getting yourself comfortable with the history and present of nonbinary identities. For this, I suggest our book recs tag, specifically the ones from this post on Memoirs/Guides for questioning/being nonbinary. The Gender Quest Workbook is also a book specifically meant to help you explore and broaden your understanding of the different faucets of gender and what this means for you and the label you want to use. Or @transgenderteensurvivalguide has a Nonbinary Flowchart that works as a quick and easy Determine-Where-To-Start-Thinking-Of-Your-Gender quiz-style flowchart.

Hope this helps, anon! Our ask box is currently closed, but I’ll respond to pings or reblogs. As well, I am thinking about at least temporarily opening our ask box again in the near future, so you can keep an eye out for that if you have any more questions.

~Pluto

hater-of-terfs:

I’m a radical inclusionist. I don’t think I have any right to tell anyone else what queerness is or how they’re allowed to experiment with their own identity. “Infiltrators” are a completely negligible problem, respectability politics is bullshit, and any downside of just trusting people with their own experiences is enormously outweighed by the problems caused by gatekeeping

Just mind your own business, I promise it’s okay

mygenderistoastsofuckoff:

mankillercalledbunny:

I made a thing

Toast? Yea that sounds like a gender

[image id: A “pie chart” labeled “gender wheel”. The “pie chart” is the color wheel with the text “I don’t even know buddy; I just work here”. Outside of the chart are several gender descriptions. Starting at 1'o'clock and going clockwise, they are: “I think I’ve heard of this femininity thing?”, “not binary, that’s for sure”, “I’m sure we’ve been here before”, “today’s gender is 30% off”, “masculine…ish”, “this! this is a gender! don’t know what, but it’s a gender!” “none gender with left binary”, and “toast? is that a gender?”

/end ID]