but i like being called boyflux, it feels like its the right label and i identify as a dude most of the time

This is 100% what labelling is all about. If boyflux makes you feel good, then identify as boyflux! You don’t need to prove anything to anyone about you picking this term. There is no Gender God or Omniscient Identity Being that is going to storm down from the heavens to declare that you’re doing it wrong. Our labels are absolutely human-made for the purpose of humaning. Which means you get to identify off of gut feelings or happiness or absolutely whatever reasoning you have for identifying whatever way.

i really dont know if this is what you do on your blog

We do whatever we want and whatever is needed on this blog. :)

~Pluto

Preaching to the choir, nullandrogyne. There’s a reason the ask box disclaimer shouts at people to not include their agab in their ask. It definitely become a tool used to misgender trans people and for us to psychologically self-harm giving away private information no one else was entitled to. There was a point on this blog where people were including it for EVERY ask no matter what, and while I know it had more to do with people’s own struggles accepting themselves and finding themselves valid, it got to the point where I was struggling to support my own mental health and self-acceptance being inundated with the subliminal idea that I’m not really anything more than my agab.

We’re not our agab. We’re nonbinary. That’s fucking valid. No one is obligated to information like what gender you were coercively assigned at birth.

You are nonbinary, and that’s the full story. Period.

~Mod Pluto

Finasteride will help mitigate hair loss. You can also bring up your concerns with your doctor, and they can discuss best prevention methods with you. There are lots of options (hair loss is a common dysphoria trigger for many cis men), and you can see some of the different treatments people have chosen from this reddit thread.

You can also go for a low-dose of T. It won’t stop hair loss, but it will let you take a slower journey through your transition to explore if testosterone is right for you. Do know not all effects of T are reversible, though, including hair loss. But a low dose could give you time to see how being on T makes you feel, and if it’s something you feel is worth pursuing even though your fears of hair loss. And if you notice the beginning of hair loss and hate it, you can stop taking T and prevent further loss from occurring.

Finally…it’s hair. Hair is one of the most dynamic/least static things on our bodies. Hair loss happens. Hair thinning happens. Hair color changes happen. If you really hate it, then you might find salvation in wigs. But you might also find being bald empowering. There’s nothing wrong with baldness! Especially if you’re able to just own that and rock it. I think it’s worth exploring…what about balding triggers fear for you? What’s the underlying fear you’re struggling with?

But also - you don’t have to have the answers now. It’s fine to take as much time as you need to consider this, weigh the pros and cons, and make your decision. It’s also completely fine to make one decision now and change your mind later. Spend some time on other transition aspects that may feel more approachable right now. Those might be social, fashion, surgery oriented or anything else. See what kind of happiness you can find without T. It might help you make your decision later down the road.

It’s okay. You’re not alone. <3

~Mod Pluto

[Anonymous asks: “Hi! I spilled my genderfluid, maybe you can help? I’ve looked into agenderfluid, but I wouldn’t say agender is my ‘default’. I’m agender just as often as fluid. I haven’t seen a combo term for it, though demiagender and genderfluid each work, alone. Thoughts? 🤔

(P.S. my genders never feel totally in focus even when I do have them)”]

(Sorry. Tumblr decided to post instead of just adding my link. Deleted so I could respond in one post without people seeing before I was finished.)

Clean up on aisle 4! Need a mop up of some genderfluid!

How about genderfuzz/genderblur or genderflux? Agenderflux? Demiflux? Fluidflux?

However, I would like to point out that genderfluid doesn’t negate or disclude being agender. Being agender can be a part of your genderfluid experience.

Followers, any more terms you’d suggest or any thoughts from any genderfluid peeps who have agender phases?

~Mod Pluto

You absolutely never need to apologize for asking genuine questions. Glad it helped, and I hope you’re doing well! Your she/they pronouns are an awesome choice!

~Mod Pluto

Hope it’s a good one, and I’m excited for you!

~Mod Pluto

.

ALT

Originally posted by sussu-e

Glad to see people are still here! Love to you all of you.

~Mod Pluto

marieantoinetteshair:

Dear queer folks of the world,

(For the record, I’m AFAB and a queer teen)

So everytime I hang with girls/women, I feel like a girl right? I’m a she, I’m happy, I’m comfortable. But whenever I’m around boys/men I feel like I want to be a guy, I want to be masculine I feel too feminine, I feel uncomfortable when I act feminine around men.

When I’m in a mix I sorta space out and just feel awkward and off. Around other queer people, I feel like how I feel around women, comfortable, but not feminine, just peacfully accepted and happy.

Is this like a societal thing, or more of a trans thing?

Only you can answer the question “is this a trans experience FOR ME?” Does “trans” help you communicate your feelings around this or does it feel inaccurate? How about identifying as trans for a couple months and see how it sits on you and re-evaluate “do I feel better identifying as trans?” after some time to explore and experience it? (And the experience doesn’t need to be public if you don’t want or aren’t ready for that. It can just be personal and private.)

But I can tell you that this is a trans experience for some other people, hence the creation of genders such as idiofluid (gender changes based on the company of people you’re around), amicagender (gender that changes based on which friend you’re with), and aerogender (gender that is dependant on environmental factors, which can include the people you’re around).

~Mod Pluto

Sure!

Would you mind poking back in and clarifying what sort of resources you might be looking for? Like: dysphoria dealing with perimenopause? Perimenopause brought on by some form of medial transition? Questioning brought on by perimenopause? Communities for nonbinary people experiencing perimenopause? Etc.

~Mod Pluto

Not sure if you caught the study we were just reblogging on how dysphoria and transness is not caused by “social contagion” like tiktoks, but if not, it feels relevant to link.

Researchers from the Fenway Institute disproved the theory of “rapid-onset gender dysphoria” (RODG) and determined that “social contagion” does not influence gender identity in the largest study of its kind, published earlier this month in Pediatrics journal.

“The hypothesis that transgender and gender diverse youth assigned female at birth identify as transgender due to social contagion does not hold up to scrutiny and should not be used to argue against the provision of gender-affirming medical care for adolescents,” Dr. Alex S. Keuroghlian, the study’s senior author and director of Fenway’s National LGBTQIA+ Health Education Center, and the Massachusetts General Hospital Psychiatry Gender Identity Program, said in a statement.

But I’m gonna focus on the idea of “what if I just relate to trans experiences but aren’t trans?”

Okay.

So.

What if you do?

What?

Then what?

You…find out more about yourself?

You…discover new things about your own feelings and comfort?

You…consider all of the options and come to decide on which label is best for you to adopt?

I’m not seeing a downside here. I’m not seeing anything to panic about. The transphobes have turned exploration and experimentation into the boogeyman. Life is about exploration and experimentation. Capitalism has absolutely ruined us. It’s ridiculous to expect children who aren’t even done psychologically developing yet to know and pick their life path and dedicate the rest of their life to it, including going thousands of dollars in debt to get a degree if necessary. It’s ridiculous to expect people to not explore and experiment and have some damn fun in life, whether that’s trying out 60 different jobs to find something that they want to do or discarding and picking up a new hobby each every single week to find what they actually find enjoyable or playing around with genders/sexualities/names/pronouns/clothes/etc. to figure out their feelings and better get to know who they are.

There is nothing - NOTHING - inherently wrong, bad, or immature about exploration and experimentation in life period.

So what if you relate to trans experiences but are actually cis? So what you identify as trans now for whatever length of time and change how you label later? So what?

I am so tired of the idea that anybody knows what they are doing ever. Nobody knows! We’re all just making it up! The imposter syndrome we’re putting everyone through for every aspect of their lives - from their jobs to their hobbies to their genders to their sexualities - is out of control. The society we have built is not meant for people. And that’s incredibly, incredibly heartbreaking.

People should be allowed to play and explore and experiment!

People should be allowed to grow and change!

People should be allowed to be confused and unsure!

People should be allowed to not know!

People should be allowed to try on identities like we try on clothes at the store!

Fuck the self-gaslighting society is pressuring you to put yourself through.

I don’t care what you know for sure. I don’t care if you’re going by a label you’re unsure of. I don’t care if you’re going by a label you know is technically not the most accurate. I don’t care if you stuck up a bunch of identity labels on a dart board, threw a dart, and decided to identify as that one. I’m here for you. The messy, confused, complex, hard to understand you. The real you.

Could it be a thing that you relate to trans experiences, don’t really relate to cis experiences, and yet are cis? Sure. (Slightly tangential, but I think you might get some food for thought out of this piece of writing.)

But don’t sit here thinking you have to identify as cis because you don’t have “proof” of being trans. That’s not a thing. It’s just what the transphobes want you to think. You can identify as any damn thing you want (let’s avoid cultural appropriation, though!), even if you’re only 0.5% thinking you might be that thing.

If you think you might be nonbinary, practice not giving into the thoughts like “but I can’t really be nonbinary because I’m only just now thinking about it”. Practice letting yourself try out being nonbinary! For at least several months, unless it’s just too terrible and you realize right away that it’s not right for you. Don’t debate on this or put yourself through a court of law or beat yourself down. Just let yourself be nonbinary. In a couple months, then come back to the questions of “is this right for me?”.

And there is no “right” or “wrong” reason to identify with whatever identity. Some people identify as nonbinary because they have a very specific, pinpointable, non-binary gender. Others identify as nonbinary because they’re not really sure but nonbinary makes them the most comfortable. Others identify as nonbinary because they want to be nonbinary. Others identify as nonbinary because they don’t relate to or don’t understand or don’t want to identify with the binarily gendered structure of our society. Whatever your reasoning, it’s both valid and nobody else’s business (though ofc you can tell anybody why if it’s what YOU want to do).

~Mod Pluto

P.S. If anything in this ask comes off as angry or frustrated, it is not with you. It is towards society and bigots who purport attitudes that harm people, even if in seemingly “little” ways like making them feel like they can’t trust their own feelings.

Do we have any Canada-based followers who could help out with personal recs? Thanks!

~Mod Pluto

This is awesome! Hopefully, she’ll use your pronouns more and more. (Also, congrats on asking her to use different pronouns. Like you said, it took time but you did it!)

-Mod Zay

First, I (mod Zay) would like to say I did not leave womanhood. I was forced to present and act feminine but that doesn’t make me a woman. I was called a woman but that doesn’t make me one.

I never identified as a woman so I couldn’t have “left” but even if I did, gender isn’t set in stone. It can change and gender has different meanings between people. 

I would recommend research. These are some examples to start with.

Is gender a social construct?  More (TW: TERF mention, transphobia)

Q and A about what being transgender means 

What not to say to a trans person (TW: transphobia) 

How to have a conversation with trans and nonbinary people (TW: transphobia) 

What’s deadnaming?

Misgendering (TW: transphobia) 

How can I be more inclusive of everyone’s pronouns?

Is being transgender a mental illness?

Gender, gender roles, stereotypes, how to use the word transgender

Trevor project survey (TW: transphobia, homophobia, abuse, suicide, conversion therapy)

Tips and ideas

If you have a question, there are a ton of resources on the internet. Straight for Equality is an organization created by PFLAG for allies they have a huge list of resources and they have a section for trans allies. Out and Equal is an organization for workplace equality with resources and guides. You can also look at international or local organizations. They may have more resources. Try your library, too. There are books that could be helpful.

If you have a transphobic thought, try to challenge it. 

Follow trans and nonbinary people on social media. You could follow anyone, they don’t have to be famous.

-Mod Zay

And I never really thought deeply about that, I was in my own world. I don’t really tesonate with my agav as much anymore, but I certainly don’t resonate with the ‘opposite’ and I can’t tell if I’m less uncomfortable with labels from my agab since that’s what I’m used to or if that’s just what I am. I didn’t have many signs (there were some, but they were small and could be easily cis too) and I worry I’m just projecting this onto myself what do you think? 🐍 2/2

You don’t have to know immediately if you’re trans/nonbinary. It’s different for everyone. Realizing later in life or longer after learning about trans or nonbinary identities, doesn’t effect whether or not someone is nonbinary or transgender. I (mod Zay) did not realize I was trans and nonbinary until I was almost an adult.

If one of the signs is not wanting surgery/hormones, this doesn’t invalidate how you feel. More 

Some trans and nonbinary people have dysphoria and some people don’t. Dysphoria can help some people find an identity but for others it makes it more confusing. If you can, look for euphoria in your life, too. 

Am I nonbinary or do I not like gender roles? 

You could try looking at how your gender feels. 

What pronouns should I use? 

Am I trans or nonbinary or both? 

Gender Unicorn (a way to visually see basic aspects of gender) 

Gender Playbook

I know questioning gender is uncomfortable and it feels “weird” (at least to me) but, let yourself question. If you can, just let yourself think and use the resources but don’t overwhelm yourself.

If you want to identify as trans or nonbinary and you don’t have a “reason”, go for it. Experiment with your gender and you might find something that works better for you. 

-Mod Zay