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r/Dating is NOT the place to soapbox Incel/Blackpill rhetoric.
MOD

There has been a slow and steady influx of unwanted and misguided conversation plaguing our boards over the last year or so. I don't think this is a surprise to any of you all. While we ultimately encourage healthy discussion around both the positives and negatives of dating the overall spirit of this sub has been lost. Many of our readers have expressed their concern to our moderation team and we honestly feel the same way.

Our "No Soap-boxing or Promoting an Agenda" rule has always been on the sidebar for our users to see but I want to stress our current stance on the topic. Soap-boxing will and has always included red/black-pill ideology, "alpha-male" talk, and the subset of vocabulary that comes with it.

This means that using our board to preach about how there is no hope for men (or women) who are conventionally unattractive is unwanted and will be removed. Using our board to discuss how you think women are shallow and will only choose the top percentage of men is unwanted and will be removed. Even just a mention of the term "Chad" is unwanted and will be removed.

We can sympathize that dating is difficult and is even more difficult for people that might not be the prettiest. It's no secret to anyone. What we value though is genuine discussion and helping those who actually want and need it. The countless misogynistic threads about how women and society aren't fair to men are toxic and don't do anyone any favors. There are better subreddits that would love to discuss these types of concerns with you in a more healthy way. Misandry is as equally intolerable.

At the end of the day let's lift each other up. Let's share our experiences and learn and/or laugh from them! Ask the questions that need to be asked. But let's not lose sight of what dating is really about.

EDIT: If you do see any rule breaking behavior please report so that we can take action. It's hard to see every comment. Thanks!


Went on the worst date ever, but proud I asked to leave an hour in Went on the worst date ever, but proud I asked to leave an hour in
Giving Advice 💌

I 28f went on a date with 26m. So I matched with a guy on hinge we went to a local bar for a first date. He showed up drunk which I realised 20 minutes in when he started being rude and slurring. He was rude to the wait staff and making comments about the place in a negative way and saying they should hurry up and made remarks of the place not being that good.

He then wanted to go to a gig afterwards but was telling me to walk faster and hurry up eating etc. He then made a comment that I was easy and a prostitute out of nowhere because he was drunk which is when I said I'm leaving. I felt really uncomfortable by this and I'm not someone who sleeps around at all and have been in two long term relationships. This was all in the space of the first 45minutes.

I told him I'm leaving after 45 minutes and going home by myself and I no longer felt comfortable with him. Also that he was drunk and Im not enjoying myself. Later sent him a message calling him out on his behaviour. His reposnse was "sorry then". Glad I had the courage to leave.

Anyway just sharing my experience be careful out there! Always set boundaries when you have had enough and you can just leave whenever. You don't have to waste your time and sit through bad dates and not say anything. I have blocked him last night and reported him on hinge so no else has to suffer.


Getting a boyfriend feels unachievable Getting a boyfriend feels unachievable
Support Needed 🫂

I don't understand where I'm going wrong with this. I try to be social and as friendly as possible. Asking people questions about themselves, even though I'm an introvert who likes to keep to herself, I genuinely try to make an effort into getting to know people.

For some reason, all of my efforts aren't reciprocated. I find myself always having to start a conversation and they're only engaged for so long until I feel like I'm annoying them.

This goes for platonic male friendships too. I can't form solid friendships with guys. It's like men don't want anything to do with me. When I make a bold first move, I always receive negative reactions.

I'm not unattractive. I'm a plain looking girl, but when I get dolled-up, I can be an acceptable 6/10 looks wise.

It really hurts seeing other people effortlessly get into relationships and how most men that I liked and have approached in the past all eventually become exclusive with someone else and would never choose me.

I don't have crazy high standards either. My expectations are very realistic and I go for guys who I think are in my league.

One thing I have to mention is that I don't use dating apps. I prefer meeting people organically and I don't want to pick from all the people who just want something casual or a fwb situation.

I know it's impossible to know from a small post exactly where I'm messing up. I just need some kind of support. I already asked this question a thousand times and I still don't get it.